The Way I C It 05.05.08: Farewell Edition

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 05.05.2008

Having realised I can never top the Olympics, this is the last The Way I C It. It's a good one, with the last 4 teams announced, a rant you should probably have seen coming, and some thank yous.

Greetings, humanity! Welcome, for the last time, to The Way I C It. Yes, this is my last Monday column for the site. It's been an enjoyable few months, but the time was ripe for a change, and a change I have made. Fear not, loyal readers, as I will still be around. Anyway, I'm Chris Lansdell, and I don't get TNA's obsession with gimmick matches.

As easy a target as Vince Russo is, at some point the blame has to shift from him and on to Jeff Jarrett, Dixie Carter and anyone else in authority. They have to be noticing that the ratings are not increasing, that people are complaining, and that the product is plan lousy some weeks. Dixie gets a pass, to some extent, but Jeff has been around the business for most, if not all, of his life. He can't honestly believe that this overbooked, over-complicated stuff is good viewing. To borrow from a great writer on this very site, if a match takes 5 minutes to explain, it's too complex.

It was bad enough when it was just King of the Mountain, which I still think is too complicated, but at least they use it once a year and the rules should be familiar by now. Ultimate X and even Elevation X are simple matches, and Ultimate X may just be the best innovation brought to the mainstream US market in a long time. The Monster's Ball...well, if you're a fan of that type of wrestling, I guess it's great. That's pretty much where the good ends though.

Reverse Battle Royale? Deuces Wild? Terrordome? Whatever the hell that was with the cuffs? This Makeover nonsense? I actually liked the concept for Queen of the Cage, but the execution was all wrong. Gimmick matches are supposed to be rare occurrences that blow off big feuds and add importance to matches. Throwing a bunch of them at the wall to see what sticks, and using them as a means to determine, on a pay per view, who gets a title shot on free TV, only serves to reduce the overall importance of the gimmick match, effectively saying that they are less important than normal matches, and PPV is less important than TV. Please, TNA, for the few fans you have left, and for the good of wrestling in general...stop it.

Rant Mode Off. Another quiet week in the wrestling world, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's fabulous to have a week where we didn't lose anyone, nobody got suspended, and only one person got arrested. With that in mind, let's move straight into it, shall we?

Olympic Pro Wrestling: The National Teams, part II

First up, from the Land Down Under, the writer of Evolution Schematic and AWF's own Massive Q, Matthew Sforcina!



Singles match: TNT vs. Powerhouse Theo

Rationale: The biggest star in the Australian Wrestling Scene (regardless of what Aussies might claim about workrate and stuff, TNT is the guy who has fought the most stars) vs. the best up and coming young guy on the Aussie Wrestling scene. Current partners, TNT is established, Theo is young and hungry. Both are excellent wrestlers, and will put on a great match.

Tag Match: Surf Club (Scotty Club and Adam Hoffman w/Bo) vs. Bastard Brothers (Krackerjack vs. Logan)

Rationale: Surf Club are the high flying, fun loving all round 'clean' cut tag team, wowing the crowds and showing their skills. The Bastard Brothers are a couple of mean, insane brawlers with as little respect for their opponents as they do for personal hygine. This match is not for the faint hearted, what those Bastards will do to those poor boys is only matched with how they'll fight back...

Triple Threat Match: Il Cognito w/Allison Wonderland vs. Dean Draven vs. Billy Flyswat

Rationale: Poor, poor Billy. Il Cognito is an insane clown with help on the outside of the ring. Dean Draven is a tough, no nonsense technical fighter. Billy's just a little kid, albeit a very talented one. But Il Cog and Dean are hardly going to get along...

Gimmick Match - Wargames
Participants: Nathan Jones/Vulcan/Kyote/Mason Childs/Mark Hilton vs. JT Robinson/Kid Dynomite/Steve Ravenous/Jay Law/Massive Q.

Rationale: No-one said the match had to be feasible down here. Wargames allows maximum carnage with minimum wrestling. With the star power of the good guys vs. the outright bastardy and tag team experience of the bad guys (including that bastard Massive Q, what a bastard he is), this is set to be a brutal, bloody match.

Intangibles: A benefit of this card is that pretty much everyone involved has worked for the AWF, and thus knows each other, thus avoiding unfamiliarity issues that other cards may have. And yes, I am a member of the AWF, and yes, I put myself in here. What are YOU going to do about it?

Nothing sir. Nothing at all. With a name like Massive Q, I get the idea you're not a midget. Moving on now to the first of two teams put together by me, Team Mexico.



Singles Match: El Hijo del Santo vs Negro Casas

I toyed with a couple of different matches here, including Konnan and Mil Mascaras. Konnan didn't make it because the Casas-Hijo feud was hot, and frankly I can't stand Konnan. Mascaras, great as he was, had passed his prime by 1993, which is the cut-off for the purposes of this article. Re-igniting this feud was the best way to go.

Tag team Match: The Mexicools (Juvi Guerrera and Super Crazy) vs Los Guerreros del Infierno (Último Guerrero and Rey Bucanero)

GdI are widely considered the best lucha team to ever grace the ring. Juvi, when he's on and not shooting off his mouth out of turn, is a great talent who can do incredible things in the ring. Despite being used as a comedy face for the majority of his WWE run, Super Crazy was another guy who could drop your jaw on a regular basis. Before he hit the buffet table that is.

Triple Threat Match: Ricky Marvin vs Rey Misterio Jr vs Psicosis

Any fan of classic ECW or even WCW knows that Rey and Psicosis have put on some fantastic matches. Throwing in a hot young star like Marvin, who as a Mexican making it big in Japan is a rarity, puts a new spin on this classic feud without slowing it down one shred. After this match, we'd need an intermission for the crowd to catch their breath.

Gimmick Match - Lucha-rules 6-man tag: Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero Jr and Hector Guerrero (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs Shocker, L.A Park and Mr Aguila (w/ Lita)

The sheer mark out value of seeing Los Guerreros wrestle together makes this match special. There may be better choices for their opponents, but L.A Park is a cult favourite, Shocker has name value on both sides of the border, and Mr Aguila, also known as Essa Rios, is huge in Mexico. With the combination of nostalgia, name value and ability, this match is a can't-miss.

Now, for the surprise entry...



Bear in mind that kayfabed nationalities are allowable. Also bear in mind that people with parents and grandparents from a country are eligible to compete for that country in the Olympics. You're not going to believe what I came up with, given those parameters.

Singles Match: Tazz vs Perry Saturn

Oh my God, the suplexes. The stiffness. Using ECW Tazz vs WCW hard-ass Saturn, we'd get an incredible strong-style match that I can't recall ever seeing. Any fan of technical wrestling would be drooling at the thought.

Tag Team Match: The Mamalukes (Johnny the Bull and Big Vito) vs Lanny and Randy Poffo

For those who don't know, the Poffos are better known as The Genius and Randy Savage. I always thought the Mamalukes were underrated as performers, and made a good team. Vito was actually very impressive when he was wearing a dress in WWE, and Johnny the Bull is Killer spelled backwards. I'm pushing things a bit with the Poffo team, but come on: you'd mark.

Triple Threat Match: Little Guido vs Tony Mamaluke vs Santino Marella

You know he had-a to be in there-a. Marella, believe it or not, is actually rather accomplished technically. Guido and Mamaluke are both students of the game. This match would be a technical classic with a dose of comedy from Santino.

Gimmick Match – Little Italy Street Fight: Rhino vs Chuck Palumbo vs Rico vs Bubba Ray Dudley

Ahhh violence. You might think that Rico doesn't belong here, but the hilarity of Pat Patterson vs Gerald Brisco in an evening gown match makes me remember that camp + hardcore = gold. Rhino and Bubba, of course, have the ECW background, and I just like Palumbo.

Our final team, since I'm pretty sure it will generate the most controversy, comes to us from new guy Seth Roy:



Singles match: Kurt Angle vs Ric Flair

Arguably the best mat technician out there against, arguably, the best wrestler ever. If we can rewind the clock slightly, with the 2003-2005 Angle against the Flair of the late-1980s. This could be a reverse-fest, with a lot of chain wrestling, and a lot of psychology. I could see this match start of slowly, with each guy trying to get the upper hand with submission holds. Both guys can turn it on and hit some pretty big moves as the match wears on.

Tag Match: Dudley Boyz vs Steiner Brothers

I know this has technically happened in TNA, but again, if we rewind the clock about 10 years, these two teams would have a classic match. The crazy thing is, in the USA, there are a LOT of good tag teams that could be used: Hardyz, Motor City Machinie Guns, LAX, America's Most Wanted, New Age Outlaws, Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes (I kid). But, going old school, this would be a pretty wild brawl that would showcase a lot of what tag team wrestling should include: Teamwork.

Triple Threat Match: A.J. Styles vs Shawn Michaels vs MVP

I was a bit torn with how to approach the triple threat, but I figured an emphasis on athleticism would be a good way to go, especially after a technical classic, and a heavyweight brawl. HBK is always good for a great match, and MVP is making his case. I'd actually like to see a one-on-one match between them because of their agility and technical work, adding A.J. Styles would put a bit more of a fast-paced, high-impact style on the match. HBK is, obviously, HBK. He's a multiple-times WWE champion, the Showstopper. MVP and A.J. Styles are likely the future of the business, for the next 10 or 15 years, and both would be motivated for this match.

Gimmick Match - Money in the Bank ladder match (6-man ladder match)
Participants: Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Kaz vs. Chris Sabin

Money in the Bank is now a staple at WrestleMania. While it can degenerate into a spotfest at times, it is one of the most exciting and suspenseful matches every year. As for the participants? Shelton Benjamin always pulls something exciting off in these matches, and since we are going for athleticism, he needs to be here. Jeff Hardy can also be counted on for a couple big bumps. Matt Hardy, of course, has a lot of ladder match experience, too. But the trio of Lethal, Kaz and Sabin from TNA should wow. We've seen what they can do when given a little time, and Kaz's match was awesome with Christian last year.

Well, we have 8 awesome teams for this, and a whole ton of matches I'd pay to see. Who would win? Well, that's up to you. Email me or leave a comment, and I'll blog the responses.

The Way U C Me

To the guy that complained about how in ROH they never change their pace to how
a crowd reacts...as a pro wrestler, I'm going to share a bit of info...THEY
AREN'T SUPPOSED TO!!! The wrestlers are the ones putting on the show. Not the
crowd.

Posted By: a wrestler (Guest) on April 28, 2008 at 03:25 PM

Well, yes and no. You're right that you can't let the crowd dictate, because often portions of the crowd will want different things. You also have to take into account the bloody-minded people who will boo everything. However, if the entire crowd is shitting on the match, then something needs to change on the fly. It is possible to win a crowd back: ask Edge and Undertaker.

For Team Samoa, Umaga/Jamal and Rikishi/Fatu are doing double duty... what's
that about? In that case, stick a mask on Owen Hart and add the Blue Blazer to
the Ultimate X match.

Posted By: Dingus (Guest) on April 29, 2008 at 02:06 AM

There was never any rule against people wrestling twice, although I would have drawn the line at Umaga vs Jamal, for example. As for adding the Blazer...he was a jobber. Why would I do that?

I did see a few comments arguing about Team Japan. Matt Short defended his choices by saying it was a youth movement, and I'm fine with that. Japanese wrestling in the last 15 years has had so many amazing talents and megastars that they could run 2 teams and still leave people out. Honestly, without Misawa, Liger, Mutoh, Kawada, Akiyama, Nagata, Chono, Taue and so on, the team is still damn strong. I might have picked the team a little differently, but it's hardly weak.

The Way I C Goodbyes

The end of The Way I C It is really not an issue when you look at the two departures announced this week. First, Samuel Berman, one of the staunchest supporters of Indy wrestling you will find, and then Ryan Bias Byers, my personal sounding board and a fine writer. The conversations we had over MSN while watching wrestling could fill a column on their own, and it would be better than anything Bayani wrote. The people replacing Samuel (it's telling when it takes 3 people to do his job) have already started, and are doing a fine job filling some mighty big shoes. Whoever ends up with the Impact alternate report is going to have a hard time making the haters keep coming back. And the poor schmuck who gets the Sunday news report...well, he or she had better be one hell of a writer.

I'd like to thank both gentlemen for giving me a lot of help, directly and indirectly, with this column. I'd also like to thank my readers and commenters for giving me a reason to keep writing it. Like I said, I'll still be writing, mostly the TNA Round Tables and the fill-ins I've been doing so far. I'll pop up in other places too. But for now, and for the last Monday in a while, this is game, set and match boys and girls.

Lansdellicious – Out.