The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 5.07.08

Posted by Steve Sullivan on 05.07.2008

Thoughts on Ashley Massaro's escort scandal, the new WWE video game, Randy Orton is taking time off, Wrestlemania's buyrates, and One Night Stand gets Extreme!

And welcome back everyone to the most interestingly named news report on the Internet!

It's become apparent that many of you haven't figured out what makes this news report different. Here, we find the good parts of a news story (That's the Happy part!) and the bad parts (That's the Go Sucky part! boo!)

If this is your first time, welcome! It only feels funny the first time! So without any further ado or attempts to fill an intro that I have no idea what to say in, let's rassle!

News:Dave Meltzer reports that the fact that nobody has retracted the story about Ashley Massaro being a high-priced escort, as originally reported by Rolling Stone Magazine based on an FBI investigation into a high-class escort service in Los Angeles, probably means that Massaro hasn't delivered any substantial evidence that the woman in the stories isn't her. Most outlets would retract the story if Massaro's lawyers had evidence to raise doubt in the story.

Is anyone really surprised that a WWE women's "Wrestler" might actually use her fame to get paid for her sexuality? Now before all you angry marks start writing in the comments section, "Sullivan you dumbass, not ALL escorts get paid to have sex." That may be true, but it still doesn't exactly make it right. I don't care what the dictionary says, if someone is paying you to spend time with you, it's prostitution. And prostitution is a big no no. Especially if you're a WWE diva.

But why does it matter if you're a WWE diva? To the mainstream public, a wrestling company should be based upon wrestling. Pretty much common sense right? But when a big chunk of your main show's roster features women who had no problem getting naked for millions of people to view them in all their naked glory, or even a handful of women who are RUMORED to be posing for Playboy, it makes it seem as though you're running a whore house.

You've got your WWE Women's Champion Mickie James, who has dabbled in softcore porn, you've got Maria, Candice Michelle, Torrie and of course Ashley Massaro who have posed for Playboy. Kelly Kelly and Maryese are all considering baring it all. Then of course there's your divas of past, Chyna and Sable, who posed nude, along with Sunny, who had a few photos out as well.

All those women got paid because they let men (and women) see them naked. So is it any surprise that out of all these women that the WWE has employed who have proven that they are very sexual people, that one of them might get paid for sex?

Not really.

What's this mean for Ashley? Given she's already been in hot water multiple times, it would seem as if it's only a matter of time before Ashley gets the boot. Once again, when the WWE is STILL trying to clean up its image after last summer's tragedy and all the Wellness suspensions and releases, to have an employee that doubles as an "escort" is just another bruise on the skin of the WWE.

And even though there is a possibility that she may have not been involved in this scandal, her name is getting dragged through the mud. A link to this alleged escory service popped up recently that had her name on it, yet her photo and information were mysteriously not available on it. So is it true? Or did she just piss someone off? That's for the authorities to decide.

News: THQ announced that it is making a new WWE video game called "Legends of Wrestlemania" which is schedule to be released near Wrestlemania 25.

Happy: Anytime there's a new WWE video game it's a happy day for me. This is actually pretty exciting. And I have to admit, I've been spending a lot of time playing the WWF Superstars game on ROM lately. You know, the one where you can play in the Royal Rumble and let someone like Smash from Demolition eliminate Hulk Hogan with a body slam over the top ropes? Classic game!

This is going to be the video game where we can create TONS of dream matches. We will get to wrestle with guys who we have never wrestled with before, or at least, not for a long time. I have not seen a roster for this game and don't even know if there's one available out there right now, but the possibilities are truly exciting. I mean, think about this for a minute, we can wrestle in these matches!

Hulk Hogan vs. Stone Cold
John Cena vs. The Rock
Andre The Giant vs. The Undertaker
Bret Hart vs. Anyone

And the fact that THQ is making it, players will already be mostly familiar with how the game works. It also gives us a game to look forward to after the annual Raw vs. Smackdown game. As much as I love the Raw vs. Smackdown series, it seems as though the roster is out of date EVERY year by the time it's finally released. When we get the game, three or four of the members of the roster aren't there any more and it kind of takes away from the reality of the game a bit.

With this game, no matter how old the game gets, the roster on this game will still be the same. Even if it's a game we pick up and dust off 5 years after buying it, the roster will still be "current". This is going to be a great staple in the WWE Video Game series.

Go Sucky: The only bad part is that we're not going to be able to get the full effect of this game that we get on Smackdown vs. Raw. One of my favorite features on that game is that you get to hear the characters talk, as if you're actually watching a real wrestling show. Obviously, guys like Andre The Giant aren't around anymore to do voice work. So that's going to be a bit of a downer, but if that's the only flaw that I can think of this game will have, then we are in for a fantastic video game.

News: The WWE announced it pulled in 1,058,000 buys for Wrestlemania 24, making about 23.8 million dollars in just pay-per-view buys.

Happy: If you're Vince McMahon, you're probably just a bit disappointed. For whatever reason, he was pretty confident that he was going to break last year's record. They were short by a little less than 200,000 buys.

But I've said this a hundred times and now that these numbers are official, I will say it one last time. The WWE should be doing cartwheels that it pulled in this many buys given the year it's had.

Scandals, murder, steroids, suspensions, higher pay-per-view prices and low ratings all plagued the WWE in the last year, literally all the way up to Wrestlemania. It was a card full of matches we had already pretty much seen before. One of the main events had a wrestler versus a boxer that promised no pay off after the show was over and the retirement of a man who had pretty much pioneered the sport of wrestling. It even featured an Undertaker title change that even the ancient Mayan civilization could have predicted. And we all know they predicated all kinds of crazy things!

So the fact that the WWE made over 20 million dollars for what was built up as a lackluster pay-per-view, seems like a miracle.

Go Sucky: The fact that this is pretty much one of the biggest pay-per-view events in wrestling history, the fact that Raw and Smackdown's ratings keep dropping further and further say to me that the WWE is just not putting on the kind of product it needed to. And if Wrestlemania had been a true success, then it would seem that the show would have been good enough to keep some of those pay-per-viewers watching Raw.


News: Dave Meltzer is reporting that it is believed that Bobby Lashley was granted his release to keep him quiet about racism. (Gerweck.net)

I don't even know if I want to touch this much. It's no secret by now that Michael Hayes, who was head of ECW and Smackdown, who was probably the mastermind behind putting the US Title and the ECW Title around Bobby Lashley, made some racist comments toward Mark Henry, and apparently, this wasn't the first time.

But if this is something that becomes more mainstream, look out. We may have another WWE scandal on our hands. It's only a matter of time before Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton get themselves involved.

News: Randy Orton has asked for some time off, mainly for house shows because he is feeling "burnt out".

Happy: I hate to see him take time off but it's become fairly apparent that Randy Orton may have more than he can handle right now. And while many of us believe that Randy Orton, who has found himself in the middle of another immature incident during the WWE's latest European tour, walking away and asking for the time off is a really mature thing to do.

Being the WWE Champion is a pretty stressful job. Randy Orton represented this company for about 6 months as its top champion. He was also making preprations for his first child. Some WWE superstars don't know their limits. They will continue to work hard and eventually drive themselves crazy and take it out on their families. (Sound familiar?) But for all of Randy Orton's smugness and immaturity, this is by far the most responsible action I've ever seen from him. He's walking away from being on top. He'll still be on TV and pay-per-views, but he won't be fully involved. He's sacrificing his work for his family and his health, and that's something we can all learn from.

Go Sucky: If Randy Orton ends up taking time away from the WWE, including TV and PPV appearances, it's going to take a big chunk out of Raw's roster. And while there are TONS of guys that can fill that main event slot right now, Randy Orton has been pulling off the 100% heel role almost better than anyone else. And that heel role is something that's not easy to come by these days. The WWE is really going to miss that.

News: Jonathan Coachman has left the WWE for ESPN.

Happy: Good for Coach! He's been in the WWE for awhile and honestly, never really found his niche. He's bounced around from position to position, announce table to announce table. He just never found that one thing he was good at. But what he was good at, was sports, outside of wrestling. He spent a lot of time doing play-by-play for a college football team. It seems as though this was his job that he was most consistent with and was more knowledgeable with.

Go Sucky: Coach was a dedicated worker to the WWE. Despite the fact that Vince was NEVER happy with the work Coach was doing, he stuck with it and did EVERYTHING that was asked of him. He was a true company man that, unfortunately was just working with the wrong company.

Though not important to the show, Coach was a fun character on the show that I will personally miss.

News: As of right now, all of the matches for One Night Stand will be fought under Extreme Rules.

Happy: I really like this idea. It's been a long time since Extreme Championship Wrestling was...well, Extreme! One Night Stand has become one of the WWE's bigger pay-per-views, though mostly due to it's misleading name. It's obviously not a one time only pay-per-view anymore. It's been certainly anything but Extreme lately. So the fact that the WWE is actually ready to put on another hardcore show, will really bring in the buys for the true, hardcore wrestling fan.

Go Sucky: Hardcore matches usually mean bogus finishes. And if there's anything we've learned about the WWE lately, it's that they LOVE bogus finishes. Hell, they've actually resulted into not finishing the matches at all now! Just fading to black and calling it an end! Not only that, but having every single wrestler on that card wrestle in a hardcore wrestling match really puts the roster at risk at losing one or two members due to injuries. And the injury bug has gone from sporadic to widespread lately, and that's the last thing the WWE needs right now.

News: TNA X-Division Champion Petey Williams is expected to miss several weeks after breaking his orbital bone.

Happy: As much as I like Petey Williams, this may actually save the Sacrifice PPV. This pay-per-view is so messed up, it's not even funny. I don't even know or understand half of the stuff that's going on. The Deuce's Wild Tournament, *whoosh* right over my head. The Terror Dome concept, I don't even know what the heck they are trying to accomplish with it. But if the Terror Dome pertains to X-Division wrestlers like it has been rumored to be, then making the Terror Dome match an X-Division title match might actually make Sacrifice worth seeing and a little more understandable!

Go Sucky: One of the reasons I started watching TNA wrestling back in 2004 was because of a man who I heard had an amazing finisher called the "Canadian Destroyer". When I saw this move for the first time, I was amazed and immediately became a fan. I've been a fan ever since. Petey Williams was the X-Division champion when I saw that, and this title reign was his first since losing that title years ago. It's sad to see this push come to an end so quickly. Hopefully this injury won't keep him out of action for very long and he can get back and pick up where he left off.

Happy-Go-Sucky World Title Contenders
Changes in bold.


WWE Champ: Triple H
#1 Randy Orton
#2 John Cena
#3 William Regal
#4 JBL
#5 Chris Jericho

World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker
#1 Edge
#2 Batista
#3 The Big Show
#4 MVP
#5 Finlay

ECW World Champion: Kane
#1 Chavo Guerrero
#2 C.M. Punk
#3 Kofi Kingston
#4 Elijah Burke
#5 Shelton Benjamin

TNA World Title: Samoa Joe
#1 Kurt Angle
#2 Scott Steiner
#3 Christian Cage
#4 Sting
#5 Booker T

The Happy-Go-Sucky Time Portal
Changes in bold.

1 Year Ago 5.7.07

WWE Champ: John Cena
WWE World Heavyweight Champ: The Undertaker
ECW World Heavyweight Champ: Vince McMahon
WWE IC Champ: Santino Marella
WWE US Champ: Chris Benoit
WWE World Tag Team Champs: Matt & Jeff Hardy
WWE Tag Team Champs: Deuce & Domino
WWE Women's Champ: Melina

TNA World Champ: Christian Cage
TNA X Division Champ: Chris Sabin
TNA Tag Team Champs: Team 3-D


5 Years Ago: 5.7.03

WWE Champ: Brock Lesner
WWE World Heavyweight Champ: Triple H
WWE IC Champ: None
WWE US Champ: None
WWE World Tag Team Champs: Kane & Rob Van Dam
WWE Tag Team Champs: Team Angle
WWE Women's Champ: Jazz

TNA World Champ: Jeff Jarrett
TNA X Division Champ: Amazing Red
TNA Tag Team Champs: **NEW** XXX (Defeated Jerry Lynn & Amazing Red 5.7.03)

10 Years Ago- 5.7.98

WWF Champ: Stone Cold Steve Austin
WWF Intercontinental Champ: The Rock
WWF Tag Team Champs: New Age Outlaws
WWF European Champ: Triple H

WCW Champ: Hollywood Hulk Hogan
WCW US Champ: Bill Goldberg
WCW TV Champ: Chris Benoit
WCW Tag Team Champs: The Outsiders

ECW Champ: Shane Douglas
ECW TV Champ: Rob Van Dam
ECW Tag Team Champs: Chris Candido & Lance Storm

15 Years Ago- 5.7.93

WWF Champ: Hulk Hogan
WWF Intercontinental Champ: Shawn Michaels
WWF Tag Team Champs: Money Inc.

WCW Champ: Vader
WCW US Champ: Dustin Rhodes
WCW TV Champ: Paul Orndorff
WCW Tag Team Champs: Steve Austin & Brian Pillman (Hollywood Blondes)

ECW Champ: Don Muraco
ECW TV Champ: Jimmy Snuka
ECW Tag Team Champs: The Suicide Blondes

Until 2 weeks from now my friends! Dustin James is filling in next week! May your lives be Happy...or Go Sucky!