Wrestling’s 4R’s 5.09.08: ECW’s 100th, Raw is Royally Regal, Kong Makes the Egotistical Eight, Smackdown Shenanigans and More

Posted by Larry Csonka on 05.09.2008

You have to appreciate my use of “Shenanigans” in the title.




In HD where available…

TNA iMpact!:
By: Larry Csonka

iMpact 5.01.08:

THE RIGHT:

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE SPEAK/ODB and Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky: The beautiful people, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky got some promo time this week. The goal of this was to hype the Knockouts #1 Contender, Battle Royal, Ladder, Hair, Makeover, Britney Spears Invitational. While I think the match is a clusterfuck of epic proportions, I will give them credit for hyping the match. Also, while they did the old WWE Photo Shop deal, what I really appreciated was Angelina Love's mic work. She did a damn fine job, and as I have mentioned before she plays the bitch heel to perfection. She was great at it in DSW, and was really surprised that she never got a WWE run. This brought out ODB and Gail Kim. ODB cracked me up as she mocked their "big, fake fun bags" and then called them "hookers without customers for the night, and when we meet later tonight I promise that one of you will assume your favorite position, flat on your back." This was a fine promo work, not great, not buys, but good enough to hype the match and keep me interested. As for the match later on, they had a solid 5-minue or so tag match, the good girls won and everyone was happy. Love tried to get some revenge, but would run off because she didn't have the advantage. This let to Roxxi coming out, all thereof the good girls beating on her and Roxxi continuing her revenge tour on Love with another VOODOO CRUSHER. She even got to celebrate with ODB and Gail, as they shared from the flask. HOORAY SIMPLICITY, the good girls won.

Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle vs. Scott Steiner and Petey Williams w/Rhaka Khan: Match-wise this was the main event of the show, which was set up by the run in Steiner and Petey did in the opening match. The beat down on Angle was why the tag match was made, which is the only reason it made any sense. I liked that they didn't do variations on singles matches, as the tag match works well enough, especially after the opening angle as mentioned. They had a strong 7-minute match, Petey looked good in there, Steiner looks motivated again and Joe and Angle were on. Overall I have no real complaints about the match. Angle got some revenge on Joe with a German, and Steiner got some heat on Joe with a pipe shot, and celebrated with the title. I think overall this was solid build to the triple threat main event for Sacrifice. I did hate that Petey had to take the pin, but the good news was that the WORLD CHAMPION pinned him, and there is no shame in that.

31-MINUTES~!: Usually every week I discuss the amount of wrestling that we have on the show. As I have stated repeatedly that I think that 35-40-minutes a week of wrestling should be the goal with the 2-hour show since TNA is striving to be different, to be an alternative. Some people feel that this is unreasonable, but I don't. While not as much as last week, this makes two weeks in a row of 30+ minutes of in ring action, a great change from the usual format of the show, and I approve. Good work TNA.

PURGATORY:

Daizee Haze vs. Cheerleader Melissa: I wanted to make mention of this match here. While I think we can all agree that they didn't nearly get enough time to showcase their skills, they did the best they could in the amount of time given. It was great to see both ladies gets some national spotlight, and I hope it means that they will be added to the division. Haze is a great little baby face, and while Melissa has been there as Saeed, adding both of them to the division creates a stacked division, and I am all for that.

Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament Match: Eric Young and Kaz vs. LAX (Homicide y Hernandez) w/Salinas/Hector Guerrero…COME ON DOWN: We had another Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament Match this week, with LAX facing Kaz and Eric Young. These four men had a really fun match, a little over five minutes and in the end LAX got the win and moved on in the tournament. This was fine. After the match LAX called out Hector Guerrero, and after putting over the Guerrero family, they asked him to be in their corner and help them win the tag titles. On one hand I think that this is a good idea. Salinas, while a nice piece of ass cannot talk to save her life. They apparently want an extra person to handle the mic work, and Hector isn't too bad. But there are also more problems I think than rights. First of all the last time they had interaction, Hector was costing the team the tag team titles at the 2007 Lockdown PPV. Secondly, it was just out of nowhere, they just brought it up and he just accepted. I feel that they should have played off of the history and had a period of time where LAX had to "prove themselves" to Hector. Thirdly, I don't have a problem with LAX saying that the respect the Guerrero family, and mentioning the brothers all by name was fine, but they mentioned Eddie like 7 times in that promo. To me this is a lame attempt at face heat by using Eddie's name. I hated when WWE did it, and I don't like that TNA is doing it. Finally, I smell a RUSSO swerve here, where LAX win the title and immediately turn on Hector. I hope it works out better than I think, but as for now, I don't have any reason to make me think any different.

The Motor City Machine Guns (Sabin and Shelley) vs. Shark Boy and Curry Man/Interruptions: For once Impact kicked off with a match instead of a promo, the Guns vs. Curry Man and Sharky. This was a kick ass little opener here as everyone was busting ass and making the most of their time out there. I was digging on this match, until it was stopped when Petey and Steiner came out to end it. They beat them down and this led to a promo by Steiner, promising to win the title and take Angle's medals and also make Angle his bitch. Angle then rushed the ring and brawled, got beat down and Joe made the save and cleared the ring. Overall this was all good stuff. The match was good, the beat down was good, the promo stuff was fine and Joe got to stand tall. What I hated was the fact that they had to ruin what was a damn fine little match to do so. Steiner and Petey made the four guys look like goofs as they laid them out, and to me that is not a good thing.

CORNETTE ANNOUNCES THE EGOTISTICAL EIGHT: The hook of this week's show was that Jim Cornette was going to announce the eight men that will make up the random tag teams in the deuces wild deal. You follow that? Cornette announced the following men:

1. Matt Morgan
2. Kip James
3. BG James
4. James Storm
5. Booker T
6. Robert Roode
7. Sting

He then was about to talk some more, until he realized that he forgot the eight person, which ended up being Awesome Kong. It's good that they announced the names, these guys have issues with other people in the tournament (minus Kong) and it makes sense. But the tournament itself is beyond idiotic and using Kong is questionable. In one way it is interesting, some say Chyna like booking but Kong is eleventy-hundred times cooler than Chyna. But the other thing is this, depending on how they do it, will her dominating some of these guys devalue what little value some of them have? Hell if I know, blow up this whole damn thing.

THE WRONG:

NADDA:

THE RIDICULOUS:

Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament Match: The Rock & Rave Infection (Rave and Hoyt) w/Hemme vs. AJ Styles and Super Eric: I will say that they had a fun little match here, as far as that goes it was fine. Match quality is not the problem. The problem is that AJ had to find a partner, no problem there either. The problem lies in the fact that his partner ended up being Super Eric. The man that beat AJ for the tag titles and essentially is the cause for this cluster fuck of a tournament. Why? Seriously, why? TNA Impact: It Makes my Head Hurt.

THE RI-GOD-DAMN-DICULOUS~!:

Booker BERRIES AJ Styles: AJ Styles has to search for a tag team partner this week on Impact. You see, Tomko was "injured in an MMA fight in Japan," leaving AJ alone on the tournament. So he went backstage to ask people, wanting to stay in and win the titles back. The very first person he went to was Booker T. AJ asked Booker to be his partner, and for the next minute or so he was BERRIED like he was Super Crazy. Booker acted like he didn't even know he was a wrestler, if he had a pass to be backstage and that he wasn't giving out autographs. I was actually ok with it, until AJ said, "I'm the most decorated champion in TNA history!" Booker then asked who he beat, and made joke about him defeating Borash for the titles. Now I know some will say that this is then working a Booker turn, that he is changing and becoming an egotistical asshole. That's all well and good, but the fact is that they have once again treated AJ Styles like a total jobber. Every time AJ tries to defend himself as a decorated champion and triple crown winner, have you noticed that guys like Booker, Angle and even Cage all make mention that "he beat nobodies for those titles because they weren't there." That's a tremendous way to fuck over your history and make AJ look bad. And it isn't a one-time thing as I mentioned, they do this often and make the guy look like shit. The funny thing is that TNA think sit is fine as long as AJ proves himself in the ring, but that only goes so far. Congratulations AJ, you've been…

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SmackDown!:
By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks

WWE SmackDown 5.02.08

The Right

Vickie Guerrero: SmackDown! General Manager or over-inflated blow-up doll? – Wow, this was an unexpected turn of events! I was wondering where we going following The Undertaker's successful and decisive WT defense at the PPV last Sunday…would he be getting a new #1 Contender? Would Edge continue to press on in his attempt to regain the belt? With Khali penciled to challenge for the strap tonight, I thought perhaps we'd be moving on…but NO! With Taker in the ring, Teddy Long (whose calves must be bulging after having been pushing our GM around all these months in that wheelchair), Vickie and Edge hit the stage, The Moo-Moo-cita proceeding to not only BAN Taker from using The Devil's Cross, but she STRIPPED The Dead Man of the World Title! I was sure she'd send poor Peanut down to the ring to collect the belt from Taker, but no, she sent Taker's intended opponent, Khali, on her fool's errand instead! Taker made quick work of the besmirched giant (remember when Khali pinned Taker with one foot?), wrapping him up in The Devil's Cross, openly defying the GM's edict, as THE EDGEHEADS bolted through the crowd to snatch the unattended belt and bring it up the ramp to Vickie. As we ended the broadcast, Edge & company left the stage, Khali was lying in a puddle of his own blood and piss and Taker was the cuckolded (former…?) champion, standing bewildered and seething in the ring.

This is a really fun turn that I should have seen coming, Vickie finally starting to throw around her weight (make your own joke) when Edge couldn't get the job done on his own. This was a great cliffhanger that left me truly wondering how this event will affect the status of the title, what's next, and how and where all the players fit into the situation. In short, this is the catalyst for some effective episodic TV, the kind that encourages me to tune next week, and that's the name of the game! With SD!'s ratings recently slipping a few tenths of a point in recent weeks, this is just what the doctor ordered! Well done!

By the way…for the last time…it's LARYNX, not larnyx.

A great start – Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore received yet another opportunity to swipe the WWETTTs from Champions John Morrison & The Miz in our opening bout tonight in yet another awesome tag match. I really dug how neither team was announced until they were both facing one another in the ring; it lent the match an air of importance, giving one the sense that the belts could be changing hands tonight. No such doing, however, although this sucker was CLOSE.

Miz & Morrison dominated the match with what is becoming signature cohesive offense. These guys have really managed to gel as a team over the last six months, with The Miz improving incredibly and Morrison evolving into a hell of a creative and able force in his own Right. I've been saying such for a good while now…to have Mick Foley echo those sentiments on commentary made me feel as if I know what I'm talking about! I'd even go so far as to say that our champions have become a better team than the challengers, love them as I do. The difference is that, both teams are exciting and fun to watch, but Miz & Morrison have developed real teamwork, whereas Moore & The Wanger simply complement one another's styles well. That said, despite some impressive close calls on the part of the challengers, the champions really deserved to go over in this one, Morrison getting the pin on Moore with his fantastic finisher, The Moonlight Drive, named after an equally fantastic Doors song (and I love the double-entendre implicit in the term "Drive"…very clever!).

BTW, just to correct a gaff on the part of our good buddy Michael Cole, Mick Foley has never held the titles worn by Miz & Morrison; these are the WWETTTs. The tag belts Mickles earned were the World Tag Team Titles currently held by Cody Rhodes & Bob Holly over on Raw; Foley had retired long before these WWETTTs were created by Stephanie McMahon when she was SD! GM. Just saying.

Dance, puppets, dance! – Mick Fucking Foley welcomed Batista to the ring to discuss The Animal's match at the PPV with Shawn Michaels, showing a clip of the match's finish, where Big Dave had HBK in Batista Bomb position, but HBK wriggled free, tweaking his Right knee upon landing. Batista displayed concern, his eventual undoing, as he set himself up for a match-ending dance with Sweet Chin Music…one verse, no chorus. Foley then asked Batista about Chris Jericho's assertion from Raw that HBK faked the injury to gain the psychological upper hand and gain the W (Jericho's performance on Monday was one of the best of his career, BTW…Y2J keeps getting better and better, like that's even possible!).

Personally, I'd LOVE it if HBK *did* feign his injury, as if to say to The Animal, "You're so convinced I'm a dirty little back-stabbing cheat, lemme show you exactly HOW sneaky a bitch I can be!" If anything, HBK'd be taking a page out of his old pal Bret Hart's playbook when he played possum against Diesel at SURVIVOR SERIES '95, Diesel having mercy on The Hitman after Jack-Knifing him through an announcer's table, then Hart taking advantage and winning the WWF HWT with a simple roll-up. But then I'm a huge HBK mark from way back.

It seems to me that Chris Jericho is the main catalyst in this scenario, given the manner in which he's been stirring the proverbial pot between these two from seemingly the very beginning. Without Y2J, HBK and Batista might never have met in the ring at all, but The Highlight of the Night has not only pushed them to square off, but managed to make it personal, too! This is still a fantastic story and I'm quite eager to see where we go in this second act! I love this so much, in fact, I'm not even going to bitch about the abject negligence of the almighty brand split to allow this to happen.

Now that's more like it! – I've been critical of the manner in which we've seen Finlay and Little Horny Bastard portrayed in recent weeks, ie, becoming a novelty comedic act as opposed to allowing Finlay to be the amazing ass-kicking machine that he should be. Tonight Finlay came to the ring solo to his own music to face ECW alum Julio Dinero in a fairly generic, although impressive squash match that saw Horny become minimally involved toward the end of the bout, then join his father in the ring post-bout to celebrate as Horny's music played. THIS is a much better deal in my eyes with respect to how to utilize this winning pair. Now if we could just find a solid program into which we could involve them…

A pair of Michaels in Atlantic City beats the royal flush – The royal flush being the team of Cole Slaw & Coacheese to which we've been subjected, as in, I'd rather listen to a toilet then their commentary. The legendary Mick Foley made his Friday night debut as color analyst for SD! tonight and it was the equivalent to opening a window to the cool night breeze after a post-pizza-&-beer frat house fart-fest.

Let me come clean for a moment. I'm not going to try and make nice and say Coach wasn't *that* bad on SD! because he WAS. However, to lay all blame at his feet solely is wRong. In actuality, neither man is abjectly HORRIBLE on commentary; HOWEVER, the sad fact is, each is only as good as the person(s) with whom they share the desk. When Coach was one-third the Raw announce team, he was a decent heel (of course, he SEEMED much worse because Raw is Ross and, until the Oklahoma Hoss actually REQUIRES replacement, it's idiotic to do so, so Coach was set up to fail in that situation); likewise, with JBL as his color man, Cole was more than an adequate play-by-play announcer. However, with both men being required to crutch one another through a broadcast, the results were innocuous under the best of terms, unbearable at the worst.

However, the announce position appears to be in recovery on Friday nights with the arrival of Foley. Long one of the business' best psychologists, Foley as an announcer makes perfect sense. (Let's just hope Vince doesn't get a bug up his ass to piss off The Hardcore Legend with respect to his appearance, along the lines of the annual "JR is too ugly and southern", because Mickles DOESN'T need this job as much as the job needs him.) This was a bit rough tonight, but it WAS the first complete broadcast. I expect in a few months' time to have as good a commentary as we could hope to have with Mick Foley added to the desk.

puRgatory

Okay…sit down – This will likely come as a shock to most…it certainly did to me…but I was rather unthrilled with Matt Hardy's first UST defense against former USC MVP here tonight. I can't put my finger on exactly what wasn't Right. The first half of the match (IE, that which occurred prior to the commercial break) wasn't sloppy or careless or anything of the sort, but it just wasn't the sort of match to which we'd become accustomed over the months when Matt's road to the title began. Things picked up a bit after the break, but by then, both men were selling being so spent from the first portion of the bout, the same vigor we'd have liked to have seen was somewhat diminished. I think we were supposed to see that MVP is certainly still a force with which Matt must reckon and that The Twist of Fate is well on its way to becoming the SD! equivalent of The RKO (AKA, the neo-Stunner), but it felt as if that message was delivered in a different language via an interpreter. I'm having faith that my two favorite performers on Friday night will smooth out the wrinkles in the coming weeks, but this tonight was disappointing.

Team "Cool Cherry" falls – The rivalry between Michelle McCool & Cherry and Victoria & Natalya continues to…well, it continues. We appear to be getting typical modern-day WWE meandering under-card booking where people are thrown together, they "feud" for a couple months, and by that I mean they have match after match, week after week, with one party or team getting a victory one week, losing the next, until it fizzles out, no PPV or even TV pay-off, until they eventually start the whole cycle over again with someone else, or disappear altogether. Jamie Noble and Chuck Palumbo are shining examples of this type of booking.

Granted, what we're doing here is basically twofold: 1) We're introducing Natalya, and for all intents and purposes, she's doing well; 2) we're also seeing Cherry break out on her own, away from Deuce & Domino, a matter I'll discuss next week. If these two points are the main concerns (well, okay, we're also giving Michelle and Victoria something to do), fine, okay, I suppose we're on track, but it wouldn't kill McMahonagement to aim higher.

This particular match was all Right…nothing really awful, certainly nothing spectacular. Cherry (who is still learning, and, to her credit, has been busting out different moves week after week, not as if she's learned three moves and relies solely upon them) was kept out of the ring for the most part, which is wise at this point. However, this match felt sloppy and out-of-sorts and I had trouble maintaining my interest. BUT, as I said, I don't think wowing the crowd with a great match or story is the concern. It SHOULD be, but it's not.

And, for those who've been disparaging the manner in which former Women's Champion Victoria has been treated on SD!, I want to echo that sentiment; however, singing to this choir about it is pointless. I LOVE Victoria, I always have. The Widow's Peak is more a devastating finisher than that of most of the men. I want the best for her, too, but I've no earthly idea what these people want or expect…?! How far is she going to go as a female performer on a brand without a women's title? She'd stomp the asses of half of those Barbie dolls on Monday if given the opportunity, but McMahonagement obviously has no desire to hang any gold on her frame, so WTF? Open your eyes, friends, and recognize that there's a SHITLOAD of SOLID performers being misused and underutilized in this business and if I spent this entire column dwelling on all of the philosophical differences I have with the manner in which such performers are booked, I'd turn into the 21st century Scott Keith. I feel as if my duty and privilege here in The R's is to analyze that which I am given each week in a thoughtful and (hopefully) entertaining manner, and not to get bogged down in the bigger picture. If I'm wRong, so be it. I just don't want to come out here each week and piss and moan and be a total downer unless Vince tries to pry my mouth open and dump a shovelful of horse shit down my throat. Oh, and BTW, for every Trish Stratus and Victoria who have held the Women's Title, there's also been a Sable and Stephanie McMahon, so don't kid yourself, friends, the Women's Title means shit.

The wRong

Which one's biscuits and which one's gravy? – Two things bothered me about the tag match between THE EDGEHEADS and Jesse & Festus; 1) It was pretty fuckin dull. Really, it seemed to me that I was watching an old OVW under-card match. No flow, no real continuity, no story, just a finish; 2) Ah, yes, the finish. I like the notion of Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins taking advantage of Festus' (apparently still) injured throat from when The Undertaker choked him out with The Devil's Cross…but HOW many weeks ago was that? Isn't it a little late to be picking up on that now? It seems as if we might be seeing a story develop between these two teams in the light of this event, but, given the vanilla match, despite the delayed reaction to the crux of the antagonism, I'm not too sure how interested I am in seeing any more matches from these two teams.

Where's The Big Salbowski when you need him? – So Guido Maritato can wear old school ECW gear to the ring, but we STILL have to call him Nunzio? Whatever. And, of course, we're setting him up against an absolute equal in the ring, Mark Henry. See, it's shit like this that encouraged me to abandon WWECW. I understand a new (darker) day has dawned under the ECW brand, but that needn't mean everything and everyone associated with the original franchise has to be routinely shat upon like this. Guido is a hell of a mat wrestler, still appears to be in great shape and it kills me to see him used and abused in squashes such as this. I know there are some of you out there who are likely thinking, "Get over it, it's been eight years." And I'd like to invite those folks to kiss the brown part of my asshole. Maybe "Nunzio" and Jamie Noble could pair up in a tag team? They're cousins, you know.

So this non-match existed to set up Henry (who, incidentally, has been jobbed to hell and back himself so many times I have absolutely no faith in him against anyone larger than NunziGuido) and The Big Show, who accompanied The Sicilian Shooter to the ring tonight, a program in which I've no faith in whatsoever. It seems as if Show is being paired off against every "monster" and "giant" on the roster till he picks them off one by one, eventually deciding he's bad ass enough to challenge for the WT; except that, by the time he gets there, he'll have had so many dull, unremarkable matches against the likes of Khali and Henry that the momentum he enjoyed coming out of WrestleMania will have withered the same way JBL and Chris Jericho's returns have.

"That man is dangerous!" – So said our new color announcer, Mick Foley with regard to new R's favorite Vladimir Kozlov. I do hope you caught the sarcasm inherent in that statement. Nice try, Mickles, but I'm not buying it. This guy is just another asterisk on the history of SmackDown!. He's another Heidenreich. He's another Nathan Jones. He's another fucking Mordecai. Sure Kozlov looked impressive against Colin Delaney, but you know what? So would I against someone of a like size and strength differential. Hell, set up the entire 5th grade class, I'll whoop em all. Who wants to bet the one thing Kozlov has going for him, his winning streak, will be wasted in an unannounced, random, one-off squash against Big Show on free TV? As a great man once said, Whoop-dee-ding-dong.

It was clever on the part of McMahonagement to incorporate the WWECW story involving the bronze Adonis Colin Delaney's active petition for employment into the Kozlov build, I'll admit. It makes sense for WWECW GM Armando Estrada to bring Delaney (or, as I like to call him, Mikey Waltman) to Friday night to set him up against someone who's not beat the kid's ass already, and there's an aspect to the story I do like, because it's just about the only angle in 100 episodes of WWECW that actually kinda harkens back to the REAL ECW, but, without Paul Fucking Heyman writing the story, I have absolutely no confidence in anything coming out in a favorable light. Nope, this did nothing good for me at all.

The Ridiculous

NADDA~!

Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [e-mail]

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MONDAY NIGHT RAW!:
By: Larry Csonka

Raw 5.05.08

THE RIGHT:

Vince, Regal, Kennedy and HHH Speak: Usually I tire of the long opening segments that last 18-minutes and are all talk. First of all I liked Vince's appearance. It was short, sweet and put Regal and his new found power over. And then he was gone never to return. Excellent. Secondly Regal, as I will mention again later on is just awesome in the role. Sure I wish he would get to wrestle more, but I am enjoying this a lot. He messed with the crowd, killed the lights, and everyone hated him with the fire on 999 suns; because 1,000 is too cliché. This brought out Kennedy, to play off of last week's angle. Regal was not a happy king and had some punishment in mind, Kennedy vs. the ECW Roster. HHH then made his way to the ring. He decided to tell Regal that he made an enemy when he turned out the lights on his match last week. MISTAKE H's! All that did was piss off Regal, who placed HHH into the match with Kennedy. Sucks to be those guys.

RESPECT HIS AUTHORITY~!: Randy Orton and CM Punk were to have a match on Raw, and part of me was really looking forward to it. They went out there and had a fine little five-minute encounter, but the match was stopped when Regal came out and put the end to that as he killed the lights. I liked this because I like insane with Power Regal, because it set up the Orton RKO to end the show and because Punk got exposure on Raw and didn't have to job or get totally owned like the Chuck Palumbo debacle from last week. But Regal is just awesome in this role, actually he reminds me of someone else obsessed with authority…

PURGATORY:

HBK and Jericho vs. Morrison and Miz: I really an enjoying the angle between HBK, Jericho and to a lesser extent Batista. Jericho's constant harassment of HBK regarding the knee injury has been great. Jericho and HBK would be paired together in a tag team bout to face The Miz and John Morrison. They had a four-minute bout, it was fine, Morrison looked really good in there with Jericho as he kept up and it was good. Morrison and Miz looked to have control, when HBK limped in, jacked Morrison with a superkick and that allowed Jericho to get the pin. HBK limped away and Jericho appeared to be puzzled. As far as the angle between them goes, it is excellent. And now here is the problem, which you all know it is coming. The tag team champions LOST in four minutes to what was basically a one-man team with his crippled friend along for the ride. It isn't like they jobbed to scrubs, it is the IC Champion and HBK; but I find it ridiculous that the tag champions lose this match. And people wonder why the tag team divisions are jokes.

Carlito's Cabana: RODNEY THE PIPER was the guest on Carlito's Cabana this week, which the crowd seemed to like. Carlito was OFFENDED by the way Piper treated his tag team partner last week, which brought out Santino. They argued back and forth and Piper WENT INTO BUSINESS FOR HIMSELF and made a passing mention about Santino's DUI. When Piper made the Designated Driver remark on Santino I was hoping that Carlito should have replied with, "My dad used to pay you with a spittoon of cocaine." I was extremely disappointed. It looked as if Piper would take the beat down, until ANTI-CHARISMA CODY RHODES appeared. I appreciate that they are giving him mic time, but he killed the crowd. Then instead of just helping Piper make the save, he brings out Cryme Tyme. The faces got the advantage? Ok. Wackiness ensued; I was bored, let's move on.

JBL previews Judgment Day: In order to hype his battle with John Cena, JBL took us into his limo to show us he has money and that he is better than we are. I hate rich people. We got to take a ride with him, and then he showed us what he would do to John Cena as he battled the Canadian Bulldog, DH Smith. JBL made mention that DH was the last of the Hart Foundation (Natalia says what?) and that Bret, Davey and God couldn't help him. JBL killed him and pinned him. This is all well and good as they are trying to make JBL a serious threat to Cena, but I just didn't dig it. First of all, why Smith? Did he fail another wellness test? This is a dude they are high on, has great size, the pedigree and they sent him out there to be destroyed. Secondly, JBL was stiffing the HELL out of the kid. Like he did with Robbie last week. And this wasn't "hitting you in safe places" beating, this was kicking his ass. Why? Because both Smith and Robbie are in the position that they have to shut up and take the beating. It came off as JBL being a bully to me, and not that professional.

THE WRONG:

Beth vs. Mickie: Beth and Mickie had a rematch for the ladies title this week, and I knew we were in trouble right away. The use of the Lumberjills screamed, "we're going to give you a cluster fuck of an ending." Beth and Mickie had a below average match, and the more they work together the more I am realizing that they have next to no chemistry together. Every thing they do seems forced, and that's a shame. So as mentioned the match wasn't that good, they did the cluster ending and Mickie retained. Another reason I feel this is bad is due to the way Mickie is winning. She wins one time by "fluke roll up" and then wins this time due to Melina being stupid. They better be careful, because if Mickie never gets the decisive victory, it could really hurt her.

Burchill and Lea vs. Jobber and ADAMLE ARRIVES: Paul and Katie got to do another handicap match this week, against a Toronto scrub. The match wasn't that good as it just never clicked for me, maybe it was the job guy. Katie looked to almost kill herself on the cool double stomp spot, and then Burchill BLEW THE CURB STOMP. Again, maybe more the job guy, but it didn't come off good at all. And then there is the Adamle shit. Sure it plays into the Regal stuff, but again I say that commentator angles are NO BUYS! Burchill was a backdrop for MIKE ADAMLE. Does no one else see the issue here? Give us a reason to care about Burchill. I already care about Katie.

Handicapped Main Event: The main event was my favorite match in the world…THE HANDICAP MATCH! Thankfully this one made sense in the fact that Regal set it up to fuck over the faces. It was 14 on 2, and ended up being a boring 5-minutes of a match. Kennedy sold nearly the entire time, never got the hot tag, the ECW roster fought themselves, and as we all expected Kennedy took the loss. No hot tag, easy loss. Thankfully HUNTOR THE BARBERRIER was there to clean house with chair shots on the entire JOB roster, I mean ECW roster and got to look good. I liked the RKO bit after the lights went off, but couldn't we have done something more effective like just Kane, Morrison and Miz vs. HHH and Kennedy. It may have worked out better. Overall I just didn't dig this.

THE RIDICULOUS:

NADDA~!:

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ECW on Sci-Fi!:
By: Larry Csonka

ECW 5.06.08:

THE RIGHT:

I will give them credit…: I will give them credit, they tried to do some things to make the show seem important. They had some clips of past episodes (Vince whipping out the ECW title and such) in a small package at the beginning of the show, and then through out the show they showed clips of different shows in the run. We saw the greatness of the Sandman and the Zombie, RVD vs. Holly, the excellent New Breed vs. Originals match (back when Elijah Burke meant something and won matches) and things like that. I liked them doing stuff like this as it felt as if they were trying in a small way to make the show feel different and important. That's a good thing.

Knox vs. Dreamer: Match wise the show kicked off with the Extreme Rules match, featuring Mike Knox and Tommy Dreamer. They got some decent time and overall I have no complaints about the match. It wasn't as "extreme" as some wanted, but the thing people have to remember is this. We're not going to get balls to the wall extreme on free TV with the One Night Stand PPV coming up shortly. We're going to get WWE Hardcore TV Style. As mentioned the match was fine, they ran some spots that popped the crowd and overall we'll say this was a right.

COLIN DELANEY FOR THE WIN~!: After months of beatings and teases, Colin Delaney got another chance for an ECW contract. To win the contract, he would have to face and defeat the EXTREME DICTATOR Armando Estrada. When Armando came out everyone was quick to notice that the guy is built, he looks like a wrestler. People were asking why he doesn't wrestle. It's simple people; he sucks. Everything I have ever seen from him in the ring has been horrible. There is a reason he was transitioned to a talking role in OVW. He has a great look, he can talk, but he lacks in ring skills. They had a fun little match, Colin was of course the underdog and snagged the big win with a sun set flip, shocking Estrada and making for the feel good moment we have been waiting for. He did laps around the ring, high fived the crowd and when asked by Taz how it felt, he thanked his supporters and doubters for their motivation. HOORAY COLIN~! In the end it MAY be too late, the follow up booking will be very important and I hope that they pull it off. Now get that boy some entrance music STAT~!

PURGATORY:

The Main Event: I have to say that the main event of this week's show was WAY better than last week's show. First of all taking Bam Neeley and putting him in regular tights as opposed to the Big Bubba starters set was a good move. He seemed way more comfortable out there this week, which really helped things out. The match was pretty enjoyable, they worked hard and in the end CM Punk for the win over Chavo Guerrero. That's all well and good, but I ask, who is the #1 contender for the ECW Title? The title really seems to have no direction with Kane as champion. He's killed Chavo, Punk has the MITB and I doubt that will be used on the ECW Title, at least I hope not at this time since the title means jack and shit. As for Morrison and Miz on commentary, it appears as if they are building to Kane and Punk vs. the champs, which is fine unless they lose the titles to the thrown together team. It could be interesting and give the champs a solid win, if done right. Kind of a cluster of stuff here, and it has been officially announced that Kane and Punk will challenge for the titles at the PPV. **Sigh** Let's hope for the best.

There's Trouble in Paradise: Thankfully we didn't get week three of Kofi vs. Shelton, no they thankfully went a different way. We got Kofi vs. Matt Striker, with Shelton on commentary. Shelton was actually great on commentary as he put himself over, but also put over Kofi for beating him. He gave him credit and respect, unfortunately for Kofi this would not lead to a long lasting friendship. As for the match, this is my main problem. I have to repeat this again, you cannot expect guys to go out there and put on a competitive match that help either one of them when you give them NO TIME. They got like 90-seconds here, and they tried to condense a match into it. It was not a squash, I mean, if you only have 90-seconds you run a squash. That's my issue here. Back to the good though, Shelton; after his commentary work, ran in and beat Kofi's ass for revenge! That was good stuff that helps advance their feud. Kofi got the win, but gets his ass handed to him. I will say that cutting the Exposé would have given this some more time, which was really needed here.

THE WRONG:

Adamle Speaks: They started the show by playing off of last week's walk out by Adamle, and yes, they gave him promo time. He apologized to Taz and the fans for losing his cool, reminded us that he has been in broadcasting longer than some us of have been alive and that the job was harder than he thought. Everyone, even the wrestlers have let him know this, but he said he loved the WWE and ECW, and stated that he would do everything he can to be professional. It was boring, lacked any real explanation of his motivation and again I say that commentator angles are NO BUYS!

Kelly's Exposé: Don't get me wrong, I like hot chicks. Kelly busting out her singles routine was a throw back to the early episodes. But the fact is this. They used this to bring back the Kelly vs. Layla feud. Really? Do we need to go back and revisit this feud? We have seen it already, Kelly won and the matches were bad. I just wish we could, you know, do something different and interesting. Hell, I will settle for a dance off ach week as long as they don't end up wrestling. Shake those moneymakers girls, no, not like Ashley. Basically this was not needed.

THE RIDICULOUS:

NADDA:

---

RETRO TNA SACRIFICE!:
By: Larry Csonka

The Matches:

TNA X-TITLE MATCH: Chris Sabin defeated Sonjay Dutt and Black Machismo @ 13:09 via pin ***½

Robert Roode defeated Jeff Jarrett @ 13:12 via pin ***

Christopher Daniels defeated Rhino @ 10:06 via pin **¼

Basham and Damaja defeated Kip James @ 4:30 via pin (ASS) Trash of the Night!

TEXAS DEATH MATCH: Chris Harris defeated James Storm @ 17:18 via Not Answering the Count ****½ Match of the Night!

Jerry Lynn defeated Alex Shelley, Senshi and Tiger Mask IV @ 11:01 via pin **¾

NWA TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Team 3D defeated Steiner and Tomko and LAX @ 12:46 via pin **½

Samoa Joe defeated AJ Styles @ 12:46 via pin ***½

NWA TITLE MATCH: Winner and NEW NWA Champion Kurt Angle defeated Sting and Christian Cage @ 10:59 via Submission **½


The Right:

The X-Title Match - The show kicked off with the X-Division title on the line as Sabin defended against Dutt and Machismo. This was a good way to kick off the show as the X-Division almost always delivers in the opener like they did here today. They played up the dissention between Dutt and Machismo early on, and they started to play anything you can do I can do better, which is always fun. They worked hard, kept a good pace and just as it looked as if it would end, they would keep it going, like when Dutt broke up a pin with the 450, sweet stuff. In the end, Sabin was a dick, shoved Dutt into Machismo and got the schoolboy for the surprise win, as most thought he would drop the title. After the match Machismo and Dutt argued since neither won, and Dutt was screwed out of the title again. It is a simple and effective story, see, you do not need to overbook and shoot people to make things work. Grampa Nash came out to calm the whippersnappers down, and like an angry 3-year old Dutt leg kicked Nash and ran away. Nash then promised punishment on Impact this week, so we had a good match, good opener, and we have a reason to look forward to the TV this week. Fine stuff here and Sonjay Dutt and the angry man who wants the title that has eluded him for 4-years or so is good stuff.

The NWA Tag Title Match - The NWA Tag Title match was the 2nd three way of the evening, and while I was not that excited about another 3-way, I will say that this was a fine match. The beginning was some of that All Japan no sell fest that worked here. Steiner got dropped on his head with a SICK German from Ray, and then Steiner answered back with a sick TBONE to Ray. This was fine entertainment. Homicide bumped around like a freak, Hernandez did his power and flying, Tomko worked very hard and this was good shit. The one thing I will say I hate is that Ray continued to no sell Cide a lot and make him look like shit, and that bothers me to a great deal. The crowd is growing sick of them as well as they chanted "SAME OLD SHIT" when they went for the tables. In the end Steiner and Tomko argued and that cost them the match as Tomko ate a 3D. This was fine because they aren't going to be a team, and LAX didn't have to be beat. So after the match, Tomko and Steiner continued to argue and they brawled. Tomko was beating him down and then the crowd popped as RICK STEINER made his TNA return and took out Tomko. He ran laps, the Steiner's did the classic pose and stared down with 3D. This will lead to the match that many people want to see, just because it has not been done. UWF has done it and TNA will now try to get some buys off of it. Good plan, it won't be a pretty match probably, but sound business to deliver a match that hasn't happened on TV or PPV.

Roode vs. Jarrett - Robert Roode and Jeff Jarrett had their match on the show. It was actually supposed to go on in the semi-main spot, but JJ had to head back to be with his wife, who is in poor health. In the pre-match interview, Roode said, "Jeff Jarrett, tonight you make Robert Roode." And that was the truest thing he has ever said. This was a damn fine match here, as Roode is playing the heel role superbly and Jarrett was the awesome face. He bumped around for Roode like a freak and made him look very good. Roode for his part stepped it up and I think really showed people what I have been saying about him for a long time. In the end, Roode got the win after tossing JJ to the exposed turnbuckle and getting the perfect plex for the shocking upset. This is what should have happened and it came off well. After the match Brooks and Roode were going to EL KABONG JJ, but Eric young made the save and they got dueling figure fours on them and the place was bananas, like they were for the entire match. They hate Roode and love Eric and JJ. I don't know if I am that excited about where this will go, as it looks to be Roode and Brooks vs. Young and JJ at Slammiversary, but if booked well it could work. The good thing is that JJ is out of the main event picture and doing well as the crowd was into everything. Overall no complaints.

AJ vs. Joe - While I have and will complain about cold matches, this is an exception to the rule, because it is Joe and AJ and well, it will and did rock pretty well and the people love them both. I will state that this was below a lot of their other matches, and part of that I feel was them holding back due to not wanting to outshine the main event. They went out there and had a damn fine match, AJ was awesome in the heel role and tried to play up the fake injury, which Joe did not buy. They worked hard, they kept the crowd and then Joe was sent to the floor and "hurt" his knee. He managed back into the ring, and kicked away AJ and then went for a charge and fell on his face. AJ went for the Spiral Tap, and misses as Joe rolled to his feet and was FAKING! He beat AJ at his own game, AJ was fucked, Joe got the clutch and then got a SICK suplex out of it for the win. That was the 2nd nasty head bump as he dropped AJ on his head with a DVD, as again they went out there and went balls to the wall as far as realism. Maybe below expectations, but still a damn fine match.

Texas Death~! - James Storm and Chris Harris last month had one of the worst matches of the year last month. This time it was a story of redemption as they turned it around and had one of the best matches of the year on this show. They had the classic Texas Death match. Come dressed as you are, pin or submission and then you have to answer the 10-count. So they began brawling into the crowd to kick things off, which worked out very well. Storm was on the floor and Harris went to the top rope and dove over the railing and got a huge cross body, and the first pin at about 5-minutes in. This was fine as far as the first pin, and the crowd was rocking. Later on, Storm killed Harris with a chair shot in the tree of woe, and we had the first blood loss of the match. Storm would get a whirly bird through a table and got a pin. Harris would battle back, and get a catapult to Storm, who was laid under the table, and this produced a SICK amount of blood from Storm. There was so much blood that they HAD to change the apron afterwards. They kept battling, Harris got the catatonic through a trashcan for a close fall. Later Storm got a sweet superkick into a chair on Harris for a close fall. Finally they went for beer bottles, and went to hit each other and Harris FINALLY got the redemption and killed Storm with it, held his hand as we saw the glad crumble and he covered for the pin. Storm couldn't answer the count and Harris got the big win. Storm was a total crimson mask, a very impressive sight, and this was nothing short of awesome. The only complaint is that the have this awesome match, and as soon as Harris gets the win and they cut backstage for some bullshit interview that meant jack and shit. Plus they had audio issues, but you could hear the crowd chanting "THANK YOU" to these guys. In what could have been a MAGICAL moment, was shit on. You guys are fucking clueless. Congratulations, you took a moment given to you and pissed on it. TNA production, you fail at life.


Purgatory:

Daniels vs. Rhino - Christopher Daniels and Rhino had a match here on the PPV. This is all part of Daniels push with the deal with Sting. He has the new look, the new attitude and Rhino is well, doing nothing. I hate to say that, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Rhino is working hard and all, but there is just something that isn't allowing him to get further up the card. But they have this match, Rhino played the power game for a while and was taking Daniels to school. Until Rhino missed a plancha, and hurt his shoulder and Daniels went onto the psychological attack and started to dismantle him. He worked the arm over, they all worked hard and it was fine. Daniels used the bat, and low and behold, it led to the pin! It meant something and it worked and was simple. Unfortunately the crowd wasn't into it, mostly because the match was cold, little build, no real reason to care. Also, I think they had some time cut because this match looked as if it was peaking, and then they skipped to the end. That's unfortunate, because I feel that it could have been so much better. It wasn't bad mind you, but didn't deliver as one would expect considering it was Daniels and Rhino who has been very motivated in TNA. They had an after match angle where Rhino beat down Daniels and bloodied him. He went to Rhino Drive him through a chair, but security stopped that. Daniels knelt in his own blood and seemed happy with it. Fine after match, but I still feel it felt a bit flat.

The X-Four Way - And now we go onto another multi-man match. The big problem is that this came off as nothing special. Especially when you consider that they had to follow the Death Match. Add onto that the fact that the first 2 matches were really good. The match started off very slow, and built pretty well. But they never fully got into full gear, and when it ended, you felt like foreplay ended and you were about to get the nookie, and was cut off. Blue balled. I said was cold, slow, no heat and didn't need to be on the card, as I think they could have stood to drop a match. But if they had to do it, make it a tag match, it would have been better I feel. Again, not bad, but not nearly what it could have been. To many matches, and honestly if not a tag, it could have been a 3-way as the addition of Tiger mask meant jack shit.


The wRong:

The NWA Title Match - We finally got to the main event, the NWA Title match, and by the tie this match came around I had no desire to see this match. I like Christian, I like Sting, I like Angle, and I wanted to see the match. But at this point, I had no desire to watch and neither did she. Gimmick burn out again on TNA's part, and yes, triple threat and four-way matches area gimmick. I should NEVER, not want to watch the main event of a show. And when I don't want to, what does the common fan feel like? This was bad on the behalf of the booking team. You may see this very line again later on, but that's the point, I have to repeat it because it needs it. So they have the match. I was working to care, and the beginning was fun as Angle and Sting tossed Cage out of the ring to play up that they wanted to kill each other, fun stuff. They worked hard, there was fun stuff, and Angle hit about 56 Germans on Christian at one point. String went for a Superplex on Cage and then Angle ran up top and German suplexed them off in a sweet spot, tower of doom style. Sting eventually ran wild, Stinger splashes for all and then we had a ref bump/pull out and this became every TNA Main event ever. There were low blows, phantom pins and submissions…And then the finish came. Only 11-minutes in and they had more time left. The finish was the shitty double end, Dusty Clusterfuck, Vince Russo thinking he is telling a story lame bullshit. Sting counters the Unprettier, rolls up Christian as the ref is recovering. Angle in and gets the Ankle lock on Cage, and as the first ref counts the pin, a second rushed down and sees Sting tap and they call for the bell. Angle is announced your NEW NWA Champion and then, quicker than shit they cut to black. Most likely because they know they fucked up. I hated this. I know what they are doing. Cornette will come out this week, strip Angle of the title, they will toss away the NWA Shit since that is over and then have a tournament or something to get the 5-guys for the KOTM match. I am guessing Angle, Cage, Sting, Joe and maybe Daniels or AJ. That's all well and god, but there HAD to be a better way get to this. I hated this ending. It is bad for business I feel and people do not like fuck finishes, ESPECIALLY when they pay for it. Why can now one just win a match in the main event?

Too many multi-man matches - Yes sir indeed, there were way too many multi-man matches on this show. I like triple threats and four ways, when they are done right. I don't mind them in wrestling either. HUZZAH. But when the title matches all slowly became triple threats, I was worried. Then, they added a four way X-Division match, a match that was cold, no hype and no reason to care. So I go into the show and the opening 3-way is good stuff. I liked it, as mentioned above, and thought it was a great way to kick off the show. Then later on we had the X four way, and this as I said was cold, slow, no heat and didn't need to be on the card, as I think they could have stood to drop a match. But if they had to do it, make it a tag match, it would have been better I feel. The next match was the tag title match. That was good stuff overall, and unknowingly I had hit the wall. When the main event came on the screen, I looked at the wife and said, "I have no desire to watch another multi-man match." I like Christian, I like Sting, I like Angle, and I wanted to see the match. But at this point, I had no desire to watch and neither did she. Gimmick burn out again on TNA's part, and yes, triple threat and four-way matches area gimmick. I should NEVER, not want to watch the main event of a show. And when I don't want to, what does the common fan feel like? This was bad on the behalf of the booking team. I hope to God that outside of the KOTM match at the next show that they are normal matches. Please God I beg of thee.


The Ridiculous:

VKM vs. Basham and Damaja - This would be our trash of the night folks. Let me preface this by saying that the set up earlier in the show was actually good stuff. Basham and Damaja jumped VKM during a mini-fanfest deal before the show, beat down Kip and then put BG James through the table with the Brain Damage. This was good. So then Kip gives an interview, all pissed an emotional and actually pretty good about them sending his brother to the hospital and that he would go out there alone and fight. So he did, and for the first little bit he ran wild on emotion because of what they did to Kip and it was fine. But then, there was silence as the crowd didn't care. This broke down into a very lame match, and in the end it went about 5-minuted and Kip got in way too much, Basham and Damaja looked like tools and no one is ever going to care about this whole thing. They should have killed Kip. I mean, you do the run wild thing and that is good stuff, but then he should have been cut off and utterly destroyed by these two men. They did it wrong, and in the end this was horrible. They need to end this program SOON, VERY SOON because if not you'll have two dead tag teams. And the shame of that is Basham and Damaja have a lot to offer, unfortunately they cannot really show that working with Kip and BG.

A Fucking Kangaroo - Seriously. I guess someone in TNA was sitting backstage and was thinking to themselves, "WHAT CAN WE DO TO BE MORE LIKE WCW, AND I MEAN THAT IN A SHITTY WAY." And some asshole brought up Wildcat Willie from the old WCW Studio shows and they all popped, a standing ovation in the back and they said let's have a fucking mascot. So then they had to decide, what kind of animal. And Russo stood up and said, "I gots it…a fucking Kangaroo!" And they all looked at him and laughed, and he said, "Nah, follow me here yous guys, you see, a kangaroo has a pouch, we could hit weapons in there, he could have a sandwich in there, maybe we could get that jerking off midget back and hide him in there. WWE uses midgets and they're over!" My god what is the world coming too when your top priority is a kangaroo? Maybe it is like Sharkboy or something ad that was the only way he could get a payday or some shit, but it is DUMB stuff like this that continues to hold TNA back, and yes I am serious. Jesus, a kanga-FN-roo.



KAN-GA-FN-ROO~!


Closing Thoughts:
As expected going in this was a good wrestling show. There was only one bad match, and it was bad due to the poor booking and execution. The X-Guys delivered as usual, maybe not as much as most wanted, but they held up their end. Roode stepped it up and Jarrett was a machine in getting his offense over. Daniels and Rhino was a fine under card match, tag title match was good and the surprise of Rick Steiner was fun. AJ and Joe delivered, not a classic and a bit low as far as the potential they have shown in the past, but they had limited time and would have destroyed the main event if they would have gone out there and fully done their thing. The main event was every TNA main event, and the overbooking sucked big time. The story of the night was the redemption of Harris and Storm after last month's abortion. Strom has all of the personality tools, and I have thought Harris could be a player since right before the FSN days when he had a big singles run with Storm injured. A great match.

In the end, and with a re-watch I will go with a 7.25 out of 10 and I guess I'll get my TNA card revoked. A lot of people thought that this was a blow away show, and while there was a lot of good there was a lot of stupid booking and I cannot help but feel as if this show underachieved. It wasn't bad in anyway, quite the contrary the show was good. But it was like being blue balled, teased, you saw the greatness a lot of the times, and then never fully got it. Solid stuff overall, and hopefully they can keep it up and deliver huge at Slammiversary. You all need to see the Texas Death match, so get a replay or "obtain" the match somehow.

And I'm out of here!