The Wrestling News Experience: 05.12.08

Posted by Stephen Randle on 05.12.2008

Back from a week on the road, and I bring Sacrifice results, Raw previews, and all sorts of legal-related wrestling news. All that plus, is this the week that Larry goes too far? Find out inside!

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, fresh off a week full of travel, as I made a run out to Toronto this past Monday for a full day, capped off with Raw at the ACC. Then, to finish off the week I paid a visit to enemy territory, travelling deep into the heart of New York State, to the nice little town of Fredonia, to visit some great friends.

Of course, in between all the travelling, I managed to get screwed by my university, who will not let me graduate until I take four more courses. No, not degree requirements, silly, apparently I need 10.0 credits specifically from Laurier, and all the English requirements only satisfy 8.0 of that. So, it's four courses in basket weaving for me, and a hearty "screw you" to the Laurier admissions office, who have denied my dream of getting a real job until December. Now I'm definitely not going to the convocation ceremony.

And if you're in the Kitchener-Waterloo-Cambridge area and enjoy playing poker, feel free to visit TJ's Roadhouse in Kitchener on Tuesday and Thursday nights for free tournament-style poker and fellowship with the Player's Poker League. There's no cost to enter, and you can win real prizes. Plus, quite often (including this upcoming Thursday), you can meet me, your loveable wrestling reporter.

Yes, I'm stumping for a friend. He's put his life into this league, and I want to help him out if I can. So, tell them I sent you. After all, I get 500 extra starting chips for everyone I refer.

Okay, on to the wrestling.

PPV In Review - TNA Sacrifice 2008

Okay, let's do this quick and relatively painlessly. Here's Larry's live coverage.

Kaz escaped the TNA TerrorDome to win a spot in the TNA World Title match

Nice to see Kaz continuing to get the spotlight, which he well deserves. A good decision to use this match to supplement the World title match. I know, Steiner-Joe could be good, but this way, Kaz gets more main-event rub.

Gail Kim defeated Roxxi Laveaux in the Knockouts Makeover Battle Royal/Ladder Match to earn a shot at the TNA Knockouts title. Roxxi was shaved bald.

Not a popular decision, I'm sure. I'm pretty certain I've never seen a "hair" match where the good guy got shaved before, especially involving women, so…I'm lost on the decision-making here. Plus, didn't Kim have immunity from being shaved anyway? Talk about nothing to lose once she got in there.

LAX won the Deuces Wild Tournament to claim the vacant TNA Tag Titles

Here's how the brackets went down.

Quarterfinals

- Team 3D d. Sting and James Storm (Devon pinned Storm, Sting threw Storm through a table)
- Christian Cage and Rhino d. Booker T and Robert Roode (Rhino pinned Roode, Gore)
- LAX d. Matt Morgan and Kip James (Hernandez pinned James, Morgan big boot)
- AJ Styles and Super Eric d. Awesome Kong and BG James (Styles pinned James, small package)

Semifinals

- Team 3D d. Christian Cage and Rhino (Devon pinned Rhino, Singapore Cane shot)
- LAX d. AJ Styles and Super Eric (Homicide pinned AJ, reversed rollup)

Finals

- LAX d. Team 3D (Homicide pinned Devon, Border Toss-Frog Splash combo)

Also of note, during the tournament, 2 of the random tag teams turned on each other, leading to a loss, Booker T turned on Cage and Rhino after the match, AJ Styles planted himself on the mat face-first, and no random tag team made it to the semi-finals anyway. So…why not have a tournament involving the eight existing tag teams instead? I don't know, I didn't book it.

Samoa Joe defeated Scott Steiner and Kaz to retain the TNA World Title (Joe pinned Steiner, Muscle Buster)

I am shocked, shocked, that with Kevin Nash, Rick Steiner, an injured but still present Kurt Angle, Petey Williams, Rhaka Khan, the entire Samoan dance squad, a newly heel Booker T, and probably several other wrestlers available, that nobody ran in and interfered, so…give them credit for that.

DISCLAIMER: The following is my personal overall opinion of the PPV. If you don't like it, write your congressman and see if he cares less than I do.

Overall, we took a long road to get to a correct result with Deuces Wild, plus ended up with a good emergency replacement for an injured Angle, so hooray for correct decisions. Hopefully they tone down the wackiness in the upcoming month and focus on feuds and simple matches, because this PPV really was a chaotic mess in terms of too many gimmicks and strange booking of the Knockouts.

What's On Tap - WWE Raw for May 12th

Judgment Day is coming, and John Cena will finally be back on WWE TV, sure to have some sort of response for JBL's threats upon his person these last few weeks.

Meanwhile, William Regal continues his reign of terror, and seems to have attracted Randy Orton to his way of seeing things, if the end of last week's Raw is any indication. What does this mean for WWE Champion Triple H and Mr Kennedy, who have been antagonizing the recently crowned King?

Plus, the match is booked for Judgment Day, and soon we'll get to find out who's telling the truth, Chris Jericho, or Shawn Michaels. That is, if we don't find out tonight, so you'll have to tune in and find out!

Around The Horn

This past week, Nick Hogan, son of the Immortal Hulkster, was found guilty and sentenced to eight months in jail for his role in a near-fatal car crash. Let this be another lesson to those idiots who think you can drink and drive. Bottom line, you can't, and one day, it's going to cost you. Of course, if your father is a rich public figure, you'll get off with only eight months in jail and a five-year ban from alcohol, but you likely don't have that going for you.

Jeff Hardy's latest suspension is set to expire, and while nothing has currently been announced on TV, he is being advertised for the WWE's upcoming tour of Mexico, where at least a guy who dabbles in fluorescent face paint and neon clothing won't be out of place. Given the current trend for people who screw up, I suspect Hardy's first televised match back will be getting his ass kicked by JBL.

At a recent WWE shareholders' meeting, Vince McMahon took time from laughing maniacally at all the suckers who keep giving him money to let it slip that Umaga will probably be switching brands in the very near future. I'm still not sure how that's relevant to the performance of WWE's stock, but maybe Umaga really is the key to the next wrestling boom. It could happen.

Gregory Helms, currently on the injured list recovering from spinal fusion surgery, was involved in a minor incident at a bar last week that immediately became big news due to his involvement. According to Helms, somebody in the bar challenged him, then, while Helms was being held back and not likely to fight him, took a free swing. Apparently the situation was quickly defused, with no real injury and nobody in any danger, and Helms able to maintain the secret identity he wears in public when not out fighting crime. Damn, that joke worked better three years ago.

Matt Morgan, TNA, and NBC have apparently worked out a deal where Morgan will indeed be able to become an American Gladiator. Morgan will work under the name "Beast", and allegedly enter the arena in a cage. And you thought silly gimmicks were solely the domain of professional wrestling.

TNA's World X Cup has again been pushed back, due to problems booking talent. Apparently the current plans are for there to be a Team USA, Team Japan, and Team "International", just to make sure that Team USA looks even stronger by beating a team allegedly made up of the best wrestlers in the entire planet (outside of two countries). And if Super Eric ends up as Canada's representative I'm going to have to fly to Florida and have words with somebody.

And before I leave this segment, John Cena's upcoming movie 12 Rounds and The Rock's next Disney-related film, Escape From Witch Mountain, are currently scheduled to premiere the same day in 2009. I suspect they'll both get beaten at the box office by a much better movie. Or maybe just a movie that got more hype. Seriously, though, it's a Disney movie, like The Game Plan before it, it'll draw money without even trying. Meanwhile, hopefully Cena's movie has a little more…something…than the currently existing WWE Films offerings. Seriously, talk about "blink and you miss the plot" movies, I'm not even sure they actually had plots or just wry comments masquerading as exposition.

In Case You Missed It

WWE Raw - May 5th

- Mickie James defeated Beth Phoenix in a Divas Lumberjack Match to retain the Women's title (pinfall, small package following errant boot shot)
- Paul "Why Can't He Just Be A Pirate" Burchill and Katie Lea defeated John Cutler (Lea pinned Cutler, Curb Stomp
- Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho defeated The Miz and John Morrison (Jericho pinned Morrison, Sweet Chin Music)
- Randy Orton vs CM Punk went to a No Contest after Regal turned out the lights
- JBL defeated DH Smith (pinfall, Clothesline from Hell)
- The entire ECW roster (of only 14 wrestlers) defeated Mr. Kennedy and Triple H (Chavo pinned Kennedy, Frog Splash)

Notes

- Mr. McMahon gave his full support to William Regal and any decisions he may make.

- By William Regal's decree, Mike Adamle replaced JR for the Burchills-Cutler match, so as to punish both the television audience and live audience equally, I presume

- Trish Stratus made an appearance. The crowd was mollified.

- Carlito's Cabana with guest Roddy Piper was interrupted by Cody Rhodes and Cryme Tyme, who ran off Carlito and Santino Marella

- After the main event, the lights went out again, then came back on to reveal Randy Orton, who RKO'd Triple H.

ECW on Sci Fi - May 6th

Match Results

- Mike Knox defeated Tommy Dreamer in an Extreme Rules match (pinfall, Knox Out)
- Kofi Kingston defeated Matt Striker (pinfall, Trouble in Paradise)
- Colin Delaney defeated (wait a second…yep, that's correct) Armando Estrada to earn an ECW contract (pinfall, rollup)
- CM Punk and Kane defeated Bam Neeley and Chavo Guerrero (Punk pinned Chavo, Go2Sleep)

Notes

- Kelly's Expose, the least erotic strip show ever, returned, and was interrupted by Layla, who attacked Kelly

TNA Impact! - May 8th

Match Results

- Jimmy Rave defeated Petey Williams, Curry Man, Johnny Devine, Shark Boy, and Consequences Creed (Rave pinned Curry Man, "the move that rocks the world")
- Gail Kim won an "Immunity on a Pole Match" involving all the Knockouts involved in the Makeover Battle Royal
- Sting defeated James Storm in a No DQ match (pinfall, Scorpion Death Drop)
- Matt Morgan defeated Kip James (pinfall, bicycle kick)
- Scott Steiner and Kurt Angle defeated Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash (Steiner pinned Nash, Angle Slam following lead pipe shot)

Notes

- Sting and James Storm, and Kip James and Matt Morgan were named as two of the random tag teams for Deuces Wild

- Cage and Rhino, LAX, and Team 3D had a giant brawl in the backstage area

- Kurt Angle attacked Scott Steiner following the main event

WWE Smackdown - May 9th

Match Results

- Matt Hardy defeated CM Punk in a Championship Chase match (pinfall, cradle reversal)
- MVP vs Finlay in a Championship Chase match went to a draw due to a double pin
- Natalya Neidhart defeated Kelly Kelly (submission, Sharpshooter)
- Batista defeated John Morrison in a Championship Chase match (pinfall, Batista Bomb)
- Big Show defeated Tommy Dreamer in a Championship Chase match (pinfall, chokeslam)
- Kane defeated Chavo Guerrero in a Championship Chase match (pinfall, sunset flip reversal)
- Vladimir Kozlov defeated Phil Atlas (pinfall, reverse DDT)
- Edge won the Championship Chase battle royal as a surprise final entrant to earn a World Heavyweight title shot against the Undertaker at Judgment Day

Notes

- Seriously, how did Kozlov score one of only two non-Chase related matches on the show?

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 05.05.08

WWE Raw

- Candice Michelle, out indefinitely as of March 24th (shoulder surgery)
- Jeff Hardy, out 60 days as of March 4th (Wellness suspension)
- Rory McAllister, out indefinitely as of February 12th (torn pectoral)

WWE Smackdown

- Gregory Helms, out one year as of May 17th, 2007 (neck surgery)
- Kenny Dykstra, out indefinitely as of January 18th (knee)
- Rey Mysterio, out 6-9 months (or maybe weeks) as of February 21 (torn bicep)
- Torrie Wilson, out indefinitely as of December 1st (back)
- The Great Khali, SD!, out 1-2 months as of May 2nd (vacation)

ECW

- Big Daddy V, out indefinitely (weight problem)
- The Boogeyman, out indefinitely (calf)

TNA

- Abyss, out indefinitely (kayfabe)
- Petey Williams, TNA, status uncertain (broken orbital bone)
- Tomko, TNA, out indefinitely as of May 1st Impact (suspension)

Transactions

- Kurt Angle, TNA, out indefinitely as of May 10th (neck injury)

- Torrie Wilson, SD!, released from her contract

Who's Holding Gold

WWE

WWE Champion: Triple H
- 15 day reign, defeated Randy Orton in a Fatal Four-Way Elimination Match involving JBL and John Cena on April 27th (Backlash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Randy Orton, Steel Cage Match, Judgment Day PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: VACANT
- Title vacated on May 2nd Smackdown by GM Vicki Guerrero due to Undertaker's continued illegal use of the gogoplata
- Next title match: The Undertaker vs Edge, Judgment Day PPV

ECW Champion: Kane
- 36 day reign, defeated Chavo Guerrero on March 30th (WrestleMania 24)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho
- 56 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy on March 10th (Raw)

WWE United States Champion: Matt Hardy
- 15 day reign, defeated MVP on April 27th (Backlash PPV)

World Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly
- 148 day title reign, defeated Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch on December 10th (Raw XV special)

WWE Tag Team Champions: John Morrison and The Miz
- 170 day reign, defeated MVP and Matt Hardy on November 16th (Smackdown)
- Next title defense: vs Kane and CM Punk, Judgment Day PPV

WWE Women's Champion: Mickie James
- 28 day reign, defeated Beth Phoenix on April 14th (Raw)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Samoa Joe
- 22 day reign, defeated Kurt Angle on April 13th (Lockdown PPV)

**NEW** TNA Tag Team Champions: LAX
-1 day reign, defeated Team 3D in the Deuces Wild Tournament to claim the vacant titles

TNA X-Division Champion: Petey Williams
- 25 day reign, defeated "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal on April 17th (Impact), "Feast or Fired" briefcase stipulation

TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong
- 123 day reign, defeated Gail Kim on January 10th (Impact)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Lansdell and Prag have the weekend news reports.

From the glowing box, Slimmer has Heat, Larry has Chick Fight TV, Borchardt and Michael O have Smackdown, and Larry and Brimfield have Impact.

The Triple Threat previews Sacrifice and talks William Regal.

Bond has Please Don't Hate.

Chin has The Importance Of.

Short has The Navigation Log.

Ari has Column of Honor.

Traverson has Are We Having Fun Yet?

Hubbard has The Wrestling Bard.

And Corke has The Seventh Dimension.

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EST. That's our show, before we go, we check in with Larry Csonka, for a preview of Your News, My Views. Larry?

Hello, Randle.

Larry, I have to cut you off right there. Did you honestly think I wouldn't find out what you've done?

I don't understand.

Oh, don't play coy with me, Larry. I have my sources, and you know it. What you tried to do to me, it sickens me.

Is this because I called you a "moose f***er" in my report last week?

No, although my girlfriend would like to have words with you about that little bon mot. No, Larry, this goes far above simple name calling. You sir, have crossed the line.

Randle, what's going on? You're going off-script.

That's right, I'm breaking kayfabe, Larry. I stand before you and all my readers and I say, enough is enough! I really, really didn't want to bring out the big guns, but unless I get a full public apology for what you tried to do before next week's Experience, I'll be forced to take drastic measures!

Drastic measures? You don't have drastic measures. It's beneath you as a Canadian.

If that's the way you want it Larry, then maybe we won't have to wait a week.

Maybe we won't! I'm calling your bluff, Randle! Do your worst!

That I shall, Larry! You called down the thunder, and now you're going to pay! Larry Csonka, you…wait, what's going on?

*hssssssssssssssssssss*

We lost the satellite? And it's going to take exactly one week to fix the transmission? Damn it! You can't hide forever, Larry! Next week, I promise you, ultimate revenge will be mine, right here, on the next edition of The Wrestling News Experience!

Have a good one, and always be a fan.