Column of Honor: 05.17.08: The List Issue (Part Two)
Posted by Ari Berenstein on 05.17.2008
5 questions for ROH during the Summer 2008 season, the best boa wearing wrestlers, dirty jobs in ROH and more, plus Chris’s lists including best facial hair and best promos and favorite wrestlers!
The Lists: Part Two
5 Questions about Ring of Honor in the Summer of 2008
1. Will Larry Sweeney finally take over Ring of Honor?: I've been waiting on the take over storyline to really kick into high gear for quite a while now. ROH could really have something big on their hands with Sweeney's hostile take over if they would only pull the trigger on it. After losing Albright, Sweeney needs one more big name acquisition from among the top tier of ROH's talent list in order to really curry the leverage and influence needed. My guess is that if Sweeney can steal Romero and Richards away from the No Remorse Corps and sign away Nigel McGuinness WHILE he is still ROH World Champion, that will be more than enough to put Sweeney over the top and start a full scale war in earnest against the rest of the ROH locker room. Sweeney having a controlling interest in the company through the talent pool could do a lot to change the face of the ROH shows along the lines of how Generation Next was able to change the line up of ROH shows in 2004 and 2005. It will create a definitive interest in seeing the top faces (my idea would have Danielson, Albright, Claudio, Strong, Steen and Generico) as the counter force of Sweeney's group. But will this sort of storyline happen? I think so, but for maximum effectiveness, it has to happen within the next few months.
2. Will Kevin Steen finally win a ROH championship this year? In a word, yes. The vow that Steen made at the beginning of the year to win a ROH title, whether singles or tag, is along the lines of Homicide's vow to win the world title back in 2006. When a face promises a win, it should happen, but after a long and trying effort. My guess is that Steen & Generico could win the tag titles in the upcoming tournament, or come so close that it drives Steen even more to win the tag titles at a future date. Steen could certainly be in line one day to win the ROH World Title, but I think right now we're in for a long title run for Nigel, and when I mean long, I mean likely the rest of the year. No room there for Steen, but tag championship? Certainly.
3. Will ROH draw more than 36 fans to their Canada show? Again, in a word, yes. Obviously they will draw more than 36 fans to their debut show in Canada. For the first part, ROH has never drawn below 200 fans at any show (even their shows in small venues such as the Las Vegas show in October drew between 250 and 300 fans). In Canada Pay Per View is just not as strong a presence as it is in America. The love of live wrestling, however, translates across all borders. I expect the Canadian faithful who are anywhere remotely close to Toronto are going to be set to trek out there and see ROH in its debut show. I'd predict about 600-700 fans attending.
4. Will Age of the Fall Remove Jimmy Jacobs from power? Even his followers and friends at Age of the Fall have felt unsure and uncomfortable around Jacobs in a post-Lacey world. Jacobs has wanted to show leadership through example, but that example hasn't been the most stable of minds. Jacobs needs Age of the Fall to help in his crusade against Austin Aries, but will that grudge make them veer too far off their original goal of revolution? If so, Tyler Black may have some questions for Jacobs, and may not like what he gets as answers. Jacobs, if he becomes too obsessed with Aries, may find himself hoisted on his own petard and driven away from the very revolition he started.
That said, do I believe this will happen? Actually, no I don't I don't think Jacobs is about to be abandoned by his friends in this time of need. Quite the opposite, I see them all banding together to help Jacobs just as Jacobs helped them by forming Age of the Fall. There is much that can be done with AotF in unison and I think they'll be together for quite sometime, while many of the other stables and factions begin to (and have already) peter out.
5. Will Delirious go out on a date with Daizee? It's going to take all the effort in the world to communicate with her, but Delirious is going to study up on his phonetics in order to ask her out on a date. This monster with a school boy crush always works for me and I can certainly see a lot of potential in Delirious having dates with Daizee and crazy things happening. Just watch out for Rhett Titus and some of the other boys in the back, because they're never one to back down from hitting on a girl. Just ask Sal Rinauro. Or Rocky Romero.
Best Boa Wearing Wrestlers
1. Hulk Hogan: He had matching colors for both his red and yellow and the black and white. Can't get much better than that.
2. Jesse Ventura: The Body made pink a cool color to wear long before everyone else got it.
3. "Superstar" Billy Graham: Ventura got the idea from Graham, but Ventura perfected it.
4. Ric Flair: Accentuated the robe.
5. Gorgeous George: Maybe the original boa wearing wrestler, certainly the one who popularized it.
6. Larry Sweeney: The modern day "walk that aisle with strut and style" guy loves to wear the boa in his CHIKARA appearances.
7. Marvelous Mitch Rider: A bit too gaudy (I SAID GAUDY) choice of color scheme for me, but for him, it's simply marvelous.
8. Rhett Titus: So full of himself that the boa is a perfect compliment to his flaunting and preening.
Dirty Jobs in ROH
1. The guy who asks fans if they want to help take down the ring after the show: first of all, you have to wait at the exit while hundreds and thousands of fans who just want to go home come pouring out of the building. You know they don't want to do it, they know that they don't want to do it, but you have to suck it up and ask the question anyway. A couple suckers….errrrrrrr…fans will eventually bite, but in the meantime you get to feel like you're a homeless man asking the fans if they can spare a dime.
2. ROH Referee: get this, you have to be streamer police after ALL of the streamers fly into the ring, you constantly get booed by the fans at the beginning of the matches and after all that, getting abused by the wrestlers almost seems like a vacation.
3. Artie in the earpiece: The man busts his ass every show to get the word on injury updates and keep the commentary running smoothly, but the man gets NO camera time whatsoever.
4. Intermission Interviewer: If a female, invariably gets hit on by the wrestlers. If a male, invariably gets knocked out or accosted by the other wrestlers. Not to mention that you have to work during intermission while the other wrestlers sit around and relax—not cool.
When Ari asked me to make lists, I was all for it. So without further ado, let's get at it and see what I think.
Top 4 Promo Guys in ROH
1. Chris Hero – Need I say more?
2. Jimmy Jacobs – I know I'll catch heat from Ari for this but I do agree that Jimmy sure can talk.
3. Nigel McGuinness – In the face of all that vitriol, he always seems to deliver some great stuff.
4. Kevin Steen – You just have to love the enthusiasm that he delivers all his messages with. That's intense stuff.
Worst 4 Promo Guys in ROH
1. Roderick Strong – Please, please, please, keep the mic out of this guys hands if you want him to keep a tough image. Otherwise, it's all shot to hell.
2. The Briscoe's…either one of them – Maybe it's because I grew up in Brooklyn, but I'll be damned if I don't understand like every 3rd word that they say.
3. Jack Evans – If I wanted to listen to a white boy talk street, I'd just stay at work. I'll never take anything he says seriously.
4. Delirious – Yes, I know we all love him, but I have NO IDEA what the hell he's saying.
Best Facial Hair in Pro Wrestling
1. Chris Hero – For god's sake, his beard is shaped like a "C". How awesome is that? It's a risky sartorial maneuver, but on him it works. I don't think that anyone else could ever pull it off.
2. Delirious -- That ever-growing goatee is getting more "Neidhart-esque" by the day. I hope he grows that thing down to his waist.
3. Austin Aries – This guy just keeps pushing the envelope of facial hair sanity and I have to say that I'm always impressed. All of the styles have just worked.
Best Moustaches in Pro Wrestling
1. Hulk Hogan – ‘Nuff said.
2. Joey Ryan – An even better Magnum P.I. ‘stache than even Magnum P.I. himself.
3. Josh Abercrombie – That, by definition is the ultimate "porn ‘stache." It's so cheesy that it's actually awesome. It even puts Steve Mazzagatti's to shame.
4. Big Bully Busiek's Handlebar – Just thought I'd go old-school and obscure for this one.
Worst In-Ring Attire
1. Sexxxy Eddie – All I have to say is "banana hammock". That's just wrong in any situation.
2. Bastion Booger – I still have nightmares about that singlet. Ugh.
3. The Human Tornado – corduroy suit? Shit, that was hideous back in the 70's and its just worse today. I know Ari digs it, but there's no accounting for taste, you know?
Worst Haircuts in Wrestling
1. Jimmy Jacob's "Squeeb" – If you know the name, you probably have played Rock Band. If you chose this haircut, you should be ashamed, and Jimmy should be too. Too much EMO for anyone to bear.
2. Shane Hagadorn – Most guys would want to stay as far away from having the "horseshoe" on their heads, but this guy did it voluntarily. What a tool.
3. Any wrestler who still thinks the long, feathered blonde hair still works – Guys, please give it up. Flair is retired now and let the haircut retire with him.
Top 3 Stereotyped "Foreign" Wrestlers/Characters
1. The Iron Sheik – He is without a doubt the best of the bunch.
2. Ivan Koloff – Sure, he really was foreign, but was it me or did his English NEVER improve?
3. "El Matador" Tito Santana – We all knew he was from Mexico, but when in all that time he was working for the WWF back in the day did he get the time to bullfight? I thought Greg Valentine occupied most of his time.
The Most Humorous Moments in Pro Wrestling History
1. Roddy Piper hitting Jimmy Snuka in the head with a coconut – My life was forever altered by these events. From that day on, I knew that rooting for the heel was my only option. And damn it if it wasn't hysterical and so off the wall to use a piece of produce as a weapon.
2. Jake Roberts and the Ultimate Warrior snakebite incident – Once again, if you've seen it, ‘nuff said.( what about the Macho Man snakebite incident? FAKE SNAKE! Even better in my mind –a)
3. The Turkey on a Pole Match in AWA – You know your promotion is going downhill when you have to resort to something like that.
My Favorite "Blood Feud's" of all time
1. Tommy Rich vs. Buzz Sawyer – If you've never seen the "Last Battle of Atlanta", do yourself a favor and find it ASAP. That's a feud-ending match to end all feuds.
2. Colt Cabana vs. Homicide – This was unreal. I shouldn't have to say anything else, because you all watched it anyway.
3. Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer – This was what made ECW what it was.
4. Ric Flair vs. Dusty Rhodes – The be all and end all of wrestling feuds. If the Rose Bowl is the "granddaddy of all football games", this holds that role for pro wrestling.
5. Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin – Without this one, I'm not sure if the landscape of Pro Wrestling even looks remotely close to what it looks like today.
6. Jimmy Jacobs vs. B.J. Whitmer – Just all totally unbelievable stuff. From the top rope powerbomb into the crowd to the spikes to the cage match. Just fantastic stuff.
7. CM Punk vs. Jimmy Rave – Rave tried to remove a man's tattoo. If that's not a blood feud by definition, I don't know what is.
8. The Rock vs. Triple H – Don't yell at me about this one, its my list and I loved that shit.
9. Terry Funk vs. Mick Foley – Now its not a standard definition "blood feud", but since they bled that much together, it has to be here.
10. Abdullah the Butcher vs. Carlos Colon – When anyone says "bleeding buckets" all you have to do is go back to the 80's Apter mags and find some pictures of the damage these guys did to each other for over a decade. Awesome stuff.
My Top 10 Tag Teams of All Time
1. The Hart Foundation – Yes, I am a Bret Hart mark, but deny their greatness. Go ahead, try.
2. The British Bulldogs – Yes, I am a mark for 80's tag teams, but why not? The 80's were the best time for tag teams anyway.
3. The Road Warriors – What they lacked in wrestling skill, they more than made up for in everything else.
4. The Midnight Express – The Eaton and Lane combination. That was poetry in motion.
5. The Hardy Boys – I wont put the "Z" at the end of boys, but they sure were awesome.
6. The Briscoe's – They are the next generation. By the end of their careers, as long as they don't kill themselves in the ring they will be a top 3 team.
7. The Steiner Brothers – In the early 90's, you couldn't touch them.
8. Edge and Christian – I actually liked the "5 Second Pose" better than some of the in ring, but this is pro wrestling, so showmanship gets them here.
9. The Dudley Boys – From the humble beginnings in ECW up to the frustrating times now in TNA, they have always put on a great show, but they are low on the my list because they're move set has never really expanded.
10. The Kings Of Wrestling – Too bad they aren't together anymore. They were awesome.
Well, that's just my two cents for this week and I hope you liked my lists. And by the way, I would be remiss if I didn't say "welcome home" to a certain someone, so welcome home. If you liked what I had to say or not, feel free to let me know what you think. Email me at NHBguy7@gmail.com. Have a great week, and I'll catch you next time.
Going Home
Name That Tune Week 34
Clue: two traffic light colors Lyric:"Reflections seen by a fugitive / Trying to escape the looking glass."
Okay this week was a little bit easier but I still liked the clue. Two traffic light colors would get you red and green, currently the two flavors available for Delirious. His theme song is "Hybrid Stigmata" by Dimmu Borgir.
This Week's Winners (listed in order of entry)
-Anthony Garbe
-Jay2kWinger
Okay fellow Name That Tuners, let's get in gear for another go round! Its Name that Tune! for this week, May 17th, 2008!
Clue: Aries was one of these. Lyric: "You are no lamb / Any man a creep"
Gohan6482 got one of my inside references and now knows who one of my favorite comedians is:
"-Can you get any more hedonistic than watching a Briscoe Brothers match while also eating Entenmanns's chocolate chunk cookies at 2 in the morning? I submit that you cannot!"
Either I'm crazy or you borrowed that "I submit that you cannot!" line from one of my favorite comedians, Brian Regan. And if that's what it was, you get a super duper special high five for the reference.
You're not crazy. Regan is one of my favorite comics.
**The Independent Buy In** 2008
**CHIKARA "Cibernetico & Robin" (Torneo Cibernetico: Kings of Wrestling vs. Dorado's Luchadores, The Olsen Twins / Cheech & Cloudy, Quackenbush / Donst, The Colony / BLK OUT ) High Recommendation
**CHIKARA "Brusied" (Kingston / Donst, Campeones de Parejas: F.I.S.T. vs. Incoherence / Castagnoli / Taylor, The Colony / Brodie Lee & Olsen Twins, Cheech & Cloudy / Osirian Portal ) High Recommendation
**Pro Wrestling NOAH "Special Budokan Double Shot"7/15 & 9/9/07 (Determination League Semi Finals & Finals, NTV Cup Finals)High Recommendation
**PWG Battle of Los Angeles Night 1 (Castagnoli / Williams, Evans / Pac, Black / Shelley, Aries / Strong, PWG Tag Titles: Generico & Steen / Dragon Kid & Susumu Yokosuka)Medium Recommendation
**PWG Battle of Los Angeles Night 2 (CIMA / Tornado, Steen / Butcher, McGuinness / Richards, Kid / Yokosuka) Low Recommendation
**PWG Battle of Los Angeles Night 3 (the entire show) High Recommendation
**Shimmer Volume 11 (Sarah Stock / MsChif, Sarah Stock / Cheerleader Melissa, Sara Del Rey / Cindy Rogers, Nikki Roxx / Lacey, Daizee Haze / Malia Hosaka, Allison Danger / Hosaka)High Recommendation
**SHIMMER Volume 12 (Del Rey / Lacey, Del Rey / Sarah Stock, Haze / Lacey, Portuguese Princess Ariel / Josie / Nikki Roxx / Portia Perez, Melissa & MsChif / Lexie Fyfe & Hosaka)High Recommendation
**SHIMMER Women's Athletes Volume 13 (Melissa / Portuguese Princess Ariel, "Dark Angel" Sarah Stock / Daizee Haze, Portia Perez / MsChif, Del Rey & Roxx vs. Rain & Lacey, O'Neal vs. Melissa) Medium Recommendation
**SHIMMER Women's Athletes Volume 14 (SHIMMER Title: Del Rey / Lacey, Nikki Roxx / Amazing Kong, Two out of Three falls: Allison Danger / Cindy Rogers, Portuguese Princess Ariel / Amber O'Neal) Medium Recommendation
**CHIKARA The Battle of Who Could Care Less (Incoherence & Tim Donst / BLK OUT, Claudio Castagnoli & Equinox / Hero & Hawke, Lince Dorado & Pantera / Olsen Twins, Quackenbush & The Colony / F.I.S.T. / Osirian Portal) High Recommendation
**CHIKARA The Sordid Perils of Everyday Existence (Campeones de Parejas: Incoherence / Cheech & Cloudy, Lucha de Apresta: Chris Hero / Equinox, F.I.S.T., Ellis, Ryder / Quack / Donst / Super Smash Bros.) Medium Recommendation
**CHIKARA Chapter 11 (Hallowicked / Kingston, Colony / Super Smash Brothers & Shane Storm, Tex-Arkana Title Match: Alvarez / Sweeney, Quack, Trik Davis & Helios / Shayne Hawke & The Osirian Portal, MIYAWAKI, Hasegawa & Pantera / Cheech & Cloudy & Delirious) High Recommendation
This section needs your help! If you want to recommend some good independent wrestling to your fellow internet readers out there, drop me a line for the column.
ROH @ 411
Andy Clark was at last week's show in Manassas, VA and spends an entire column of his Shimmy reviewing the experience.
Look who let Larry Csonka into the SHIMMER club! The C man gets down with the ladies with his review of Sara Del Rey vs. Amazing Kong and the rest of Volume 15 of the series.
Ring of Honor and PWG take center stage for this week's 411 Buy or Sell.
Jarrod Westerfield discusses ROH issues and the spoiled fan syndrome, very contagious outbreak I hear.
Evolution Schematic on WWE Video Games. The Seventh Dimension: Heidi Klum. Wait…I think I read that wrong. High and Low on Mitch Adamle. Bayani Domingo breaks down the PWG DDT 4 Tournament…and then breaks down and cries because Ibushi isn't in it any longer… Michael Weyer may have written the column that has received more comments than any other before…and that includes the ridiculous amount of complaint posts during the 411 Year End awards! Wacky Wrestling Theory? Oh yeah… Brooklyn Brawlin Ask 411
Shout outs to 411 alumni Stu Carapola and to Jarrod Westerfield for the pimpage in his column (although the man-crush scares me, he still does a great job with the column).
Next week look out for the Independent Buy In Spectacular III! CHIKARA and SHIMMER surely to be added to the list and more!
And now…we conclude this episode with the following footage from the ROHbot Invasion of the planet Earth:
That wasn't a fake snake in the Macho/Roberts feud. It was real.
Posted By: Guest#6834 (Guest) on May 17, 2008 at 05:30 PM
how can u have a top tag team list and have the Kings of Wrestling and not consider AMW??? I understand your bias though. (not trynna be derogatory w/ that statement)
Posted By: Guest#7324 (Guest) on May 17, 2008 at 05:42 PM
WISH i could find Last Battle of Atlanta. No one seems to have it.
Posted By: Brian (Guest) on May 17, 2008 at 05:49 PM
I was lucky enough to see the majority of the match a few years back, but it was on film, like reel to reel film. It was unreal and its always stuck with me. I just thought that this was the chance to remind everyone about how good that feud really was.
Posted By: tzmission7 (Registered) on May 17, 2008 at 06:35 PM
Yeah, that snake that chomped on Savage was real, de-venomed, and fuckin HUNGRY.
And seriously... AMW as one of the top ten tag teams ever?
Really?
Did you seriously just post that?
Wow.
Whoever said markdom was dead... I present to you exhibit A.
Posted By: Rollz (Guest) on May 17, 2008 at 10:54 PM
See there's just so much mythology in wrestling these days that sometimes I can't keep the stories straight. I should have just asked 411.
Posted By: Ari Berenstein (Registered) on May 18, 2008 at 01:21 AM
"I can certainly see a lot of potential in Delirious having dates with Daizee and crazy things happening."
Just like those awesome Jay Lethal going out wth SoCalVal segments? If you had TV maybe it might be worth a chuckle, but it's pretty pointless for an indy angle.
I am really hoping Daizee gets a contract from TNA. They must have liked her tryout match. I want to see her wrestle and not part of some silly sports entertainment garbage in an independent. Haze vs. Kim? Haze vs. Melissa? Haze vs. Love? Haze vs. Roxxi? Haze vs. Kong? That's what I want to see.
Posted By: SHIMMERfan (Guest) on May 18, 2008 at 04:45 PM
'Artie in the earpiece: The man busts his ass every show to get the word on injury updates and keep the commentary running smoothly, but the man gets NO camera time whatsoever.' I laughed so damn hard at that. He's used as an excuse to plug, dam that bower!
Posted By: El_Twig (Guest) on May 18, 2008 at 07:45 PM
