Wrestling’s 4R’s 5.30.08: RETRO One Night Stand, TLC on Smackdown, Champions Celebrated on ECW, Vince Shakes Things Up, AJ is Beat Down and More!

Posted by Larry Csonka on 05.30.2008

All of that, plus special guest Jeremy Thomas in this week’s 4R’s of Wrestling!




In HD where available…


By: Larry Csonka

iMpact 5.22.08:

THE RIGHT:

HOMICIDE vs. BROTHER RAY/LAX BEAT DOWN: The opening match on the show was Ray vs. Homicide. While they didn't get a lot of time at all, they had a fun little exchange that set the stage for the after match, which was what they wanted to do. Homicide was out for revenge since 3D beat down Hector Guerrero last week, and was about to defeat Ray when Devon hit the ring with the Singapore Cane. LAX and 3D would brawl, but with the help of Booker T, LAX was laid out and left bloodied. This worked for me, I just hope this feud with LAX and 3D goes better then the first one.

KONG'S $25,000 CHALLENGE: For right now I really like this idea. There is no number one contender established, and TNA working to create other feuds with in the division, Kong needs something to do, and killing random people is good for me. I have always liked stuff like this, the Angle Challenge for example. It is simple, the over confident heel challenges random people, they then kill these people for a bit until we introduce someone new into the fold. It isn't new, it isn't ground breaking but it is simple and it works. Kong killed a bitch dead, it was effective and I enjoyed it.

JOE'S FABULOUS FOUR: I really liked Joe's selections for the KOTM match, and the segment as a whole for a few reasons. First of all the basis of his picks were that he is trying to prove himself. He picked AJ Styles, who he has had wars with around the world. I just wish he would have mentioned that he has held every title in TNA at least three times, but a small nit pick there. He picked two other men he has battled in TNA and were also former World Champions, Cage and Rhino. Finally he picked Booker T, simply because, "he was a man that dominated, a world champion everywhere he has been, and is quite possibly one of the greatest ever." Nash argued this selection, thinking that he should have been picked to watch his back, but Joe's answer was what I loved, "the people pay to see me kick ass, not have my back watched." Joe isn't backing down from anything, he wants to prove himself, and I dig it.

KOTM QUALIFYING MATCH: AJ vs. BOOKER/BEAT DOWN: The "match" between AJ and Booker was really nothing to write home about. It was too short, and they never had time to get going. I have issues with the amount of time they got, but that will be discussed late on in the column. That being said, what they DID do was fun and led to a good post match angle. Tomko cost AJ the match, and afterwards AJ tried his best to fight off Booker, Tomko and Team 3D. He would fail at this, as would Karen Angle, who tried to stop the beating. She then ran to get Kurt, who would come to the ring. While some questioned this, it did make sense since Kurt seemed willing to do anything to get Karen back. But it all went wrong when Kurt saw Karen caressing a bloodied AJ. He would kill him with a sick chair shot, this was Rock on Ken Shamrock scary bad. AJ was out, bloody, beaten and Kurt blamed Karen for all of it. My main criticism is that it did seem to go on for a bit too long, like they were stalling for time, maybe some more wrestling in the AJ vs. Booker match would have helped to condense a few awkward moments there. Follow up will be key for this to succeed, but it was a very good ending angle overall.

PURGATORY:

ODB vs. ANGELINA LOVE: Following up the tag team loss last week to the Beautiful People, ODB challenged Angelina Love this past week on Impact. They had a fun little contest, both worked hard and Angelina Love scored the big win after Sky knocked out ODB with her own flask. The Beautiful People have been great in character, Love can go in the ring and they are booking them very well thus far. But again I have to use my compliant about time. They barely got three-minutes here, just over actually. How can you expect people to care when they aren't getting a decent amount of time? The ladies are delivering angle wise, in the ring and in the ratings. Don't short-change them now.

ABYSS IS STILL A TORTURED SOUL: As I said last week, If we can ignore the fact that in a metal asylum in 2008 you can get a video camera and editing footage, we'll be fine here. Once again, the gist of the message was:

-The padded walls have been his home.
-He has been treated like a lab rat.
-He committed himself.
-He's a masochist.
-He loves pain and blood.
-The torture was never enough.
-He is almost cured.
-He will be able to go home soon.

It wasn't bad, but didn't exactly excite me for his return. We'll still take a wait and see approach here since we're in the formative stages of his return.

ANGLE FAMILY MATTERS: While it did help lead to the main event beat down of AJ Styles, once again I didn't feel this week's Angle Family Matters segment. I don't care about Kurt being a goof and begging his wife to come back. I want badass Kurt Angle, former Olympic Champion, an ass kicking machine. They already have guys on the card that do comedy, you don't need one of your top guys doing it as well. They need to end this shit and soon, especially because they could have used the time for some actual wrestling. Thankfully we did get bad ass Kurt in the end, but I didn't need this to get there.

THE WRONG:

DOWNPLAYING THE IMPORTANCE OF THE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN: It seems that every time TNA runs some type of tournament or qualifying matches I have to discuss that fact that more often than not these matches are bullshit. They either get no serious time, are filled with bullshit, too much commercial or are full of run-ins. In theory they are doing a good thing by actually having qualifying matches for the KOTM match, because it makes it seem important. Seriously, two qualifying matches that don't even get 10-minutes combined? That's a joke.

STING INTERVIEW: PART II: This one was a bit more interesting than last week's interview, but it is still a repeat of something that have been done three times already. And apparently I am not the only one that thought so as the fans are tuning out. Listen, they can stay at a 1.0 forever if they start drawing bigger PPV buys, that's the important thing,. But you NEVER want people tuning out of the show. For two straight weeks people have tuned out for these interviews, and on this show it was the lowest rated part of hour two. That's not good at all.

MACHISMO MARRIAGE SHIT: I am just not feeling the marriage angle with Machismo and Val. Outside of it being a direct rip of the Macho/Liz wedding, this week we got a pretty bad segment involving the Rock and Rave Infection auditioning to be their wedding band. They were lip-synching, they got busted, they announced some goof from American Idol would be there next week and would be singing in the wedding, which led to a fight and an immediate cut away. I just do not care.

KOTM QUALIFYING MATCH: ROODE vs. MORGAN: This was just a bad match. They got about four-minutes, they really didn't even try to build a match here either. They went out, they did some stuff, no one cared and then Roode got the win with the corner roll up, using the ropes. That's right, they have already defeated Matt Morgan one on one, on Free TV, with a shitty roll up. This was simply a bad match with bad booking in my opinion.

THE RIDICULOUS:

17½-MINUTES~!: Usually every week I discuss the amount of wrestling that we have on the show. As I have stated repeatedly that I think that 35-40-minutes a week of wrestling should be the goal with the 2-hour show since TNA is striving to be different, to be an alternative. Some people feel that this is unreasonable, but I don't. Also, once again to remind people, the reason I discuss it about TNA each week is because THEY claim that they are an alternative to the WWE product, which is entertainment based. TNA is supposed to be about the wrestling. And for people that said "Well the rating went up with less wrestling" you can't judge the rating alone on THIS show, it is more from the last show. I would say that people liked the last show a bit more and tuned back in this week.

Eric Young searches for "The King": Seriously? We're going to waste time with this? I don't know if this is worse than Super Eric or not. Let's hope that the "king" he finds is Jarrett, that could at least be interesting. Or at the very least a drunk Scott Hall in that "Kings of Wrestling" pseudo Elvis suit.

---

By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks

WWE SmackDown 5.23.08

Thanks to Flypaper for the translation of Chavo's name…I never knew it meant "Little brat"! I suppose that IS appropriate, isn't it? Let's hope El Chavito has something up his sleeve, for his own machismo's sake!

A quick note to Kae – Yeah, I know, Pepsi, not Mountain Dew in Punk's regard, but Pepsi owns MD, they're clients of ours and the new MD brand is about to launch, so I'm givin em a little plug. We all win!

Clearly NOT a winner last week, though…ME! I really got my chronology muffed up with respect to the dates as relating to Edge's and Taker's World Title reigns when I discussed Punk's losing streak! A million apologies to everyone, Edge and Taker, and a million thank you's to Skip Wankman for pointing that out to me! Blarg. Not to lay on the excuses, but last week was SUCH a mess, the SD! R's took almost the whole week to think through, organize and write in the wake of the ultimate sham that was the Championship Chase. Some weeks are easier than others and last week was like physically giving birth. Apologies again.

As for those who shared some thoughtful discourse with respect to the women's shenanigans on SD! (Dave and BJC), okay, point taken. However, do you really care? Would you really rather see Cherry attempt to evolve into a decent woman's worker than see performers such as MVP and Matt Hardy climb the ladder and become the superstars, the main eventers of tomorrow? If that's cool with you, okay, I'm certainly not going to argue points of taste, but as an old friend of mine said years ago (and it still remains true), a women's match has to be PERFECT to even be good, and they very rarely are. I'm not meaning this in a sexist manner, certainly, because I do believe there is a place for women's wrestling, but not at the expense of TV time that should be devoted to men. That's just MY opinion and it matters as much and/or as little as anyone else's, I'm just expressing the viewpoint in which what I wrote last week was meant.

Oh, and Crazy Cat Man, the translation of Dusty Rhodes' guest appearance last week is, "Oh, I loves me some sassy black mamas myself." Now you know. And maybe lay off the salvia…? LOL!

SO. DRAFT a-comin! With WWECW being paired up with Raw this month, here are my four "surefire" trades:

To Raw/WWECW from SD!: Batista, Taker, MVP and Show (isn't it great that after everything, Show is back where he was when he and his ‘slave name' left the company, vying for the WWECW Title?).

To SD! from Raw/WWECW: Chavo (with Bam), Paul Burchill (without Lea), Charlie Haas and Umaga.

Let's get this donkey show on the road! Your referee…Bronco Lubich.

The Right

Vickie Guerrero + low cut dress = UDDERS AKIMBO!!! – Someone complained about the cow references last week. Oh come on. She's a massive heel now, it's okay to poke fun. Besides, if you've never moo-ed at the TV when Vickie's on screen like you would when passing a field of cattle, brother, you ain't livin. Seriously, though, I meant what I said about Vickie having earned her way into being SmackDown's #1 heel, alongside her fiancé, Edge. She has REALLY taken to this role all the way around and it's fairly obvious she's having fun with it. Her character subscribes to the #1 heel rule, in that, she truly believes that which she is saying…I don't think it occurs to the Vickie character at ALL that she's being such a screwy bitch. I think she's so blindly in love with Edge that she cares only about pleasing him, making him the World Champion once again.

This mythology even works in terms of her widowed status; here she is, an overweight, middle-aged single mother widow, having to work to support her girls, thinking she may never again experience the love she once felt with her late husband, then along comes a successful, attractive man-on-the-rise who takes an interest and makes her feel like she's been given a second chance. Yeah, this portion of the angle really works and Edge and Vickiekins play it to the hilt. I truly respect these two, but you HAVE to fun with it too.

Dave Batista is a disrespectful man – MVP "welcomed" former Assistant General Manager Teddy Long to The VIP Lounge this week under the auspices of giving Peanut the opportunity to air his grievances against the Rated-R Administration, but turned out to be the eeeeevil host giving himself an opportunity to air his OWN grievances against Long (in actuality, I suspect we're going to see Long eventually, somehow, reinstated as GM which is why we're keeping him around, fresh in our minds and continued animocity toward MVP). As MVP looked to get a little physical, Batista rode out on his white steed o' Justice to save his old buddy and confront MVP himself, trashing the Lounge displaying his disrespect for MVP and all he stands for (and giving some lucky intern the opportunity to road trip it to Ikea for still another replacement set)!

Anyway, MVP and Batista have been two consistent performers on SD! this year and have some surprisingly good chemistry together, so it should come as no shock that we got almost a good, solid (if something we've seen before) 15:00 match from them here tonight; the usual stuff, Batista starting strong, MVP finding a way, via picking a part, to break down the armor of the big man, but coming up short in the end, allowing Big Dave to hit a Batista Bomb for the win. I have this in the Right, because Batista needed this win headed to his stretcher match against Shawn Michaels at 1NS, but what of MVP…? Scroll down…

puRgatory

NADDA

The wRong

Holding pattern, schmolding pattern – I recognize and understand that Michael Hayes only wrote the SD! stories through JUDGMENT DAY, but seriously, this is becoming redundant. We had this HUGE build for Matt Hardy to defeat MVP for the UST, finally doing so and have since heard how it represented such an amazing personal and professional accomplishment this, the first really significant singles title Matt has earned in his ten years in WWE, and now Matt is babysitting a bunch of WWECW schmucks in a serviceable match that served to arbitrarily advance Kofi Kingston?! Wow…just…wow. Way to absolutely capitalize upon the greatest singles win of Matt's career. And MVP is stuck being fed to Batista in virtually the same match we've seen from them as we've seen before (it was a damn good one, but still…)? Why not feed Shelton Benjamin to Big Dave and allow a Matt/MVP UST rematch? What about MVP and Finlay? Wasn't there something kinda building between them? Finlay and Horny Little Bastard have never been as over as they are Right now, but what are we gonna do with them? Have them fill ten minutes of time with Chuck Palumbo in a stiff, but utterly meaningless match? Granted, again, a solid fight there and a fun, rugged waste of time, but a waste of time nonetheless.

Yes, the head writer is on indefinite suspension and could conceivably NOT be back at all (although I agree, Hayes IS more "DOWN" than Henry…see how easy it could've been to have avoided all this ugliness?). Yes, the draft is forthcoming in a month. Yes, WWECW is going to start touring with Raw and STOP touring with SD!. All things considered I can sorta understand why the rest of the SD! booking team is somewhat reticent to go too far out on a limb with respect to writing a new chapter with these talented performers, especially when, conceivably, they could all be off our show in a month's time anyway. However, a month of directionless recycling will absolutely KILL Matt Hardy's forward momentum after a long and significant UST chase. Book a mini-feud, do SOMETHING. With MVP in the doldrums, a decent rematch angle might not be a horrible thing. Feed those WWECW noobs to Finlay and let em learn a thing or two in the interim. Am I the only one upset about this…?!

I prefer ‘American Graffiti' meets ‘To Kill a Mockingbird' – If you wanna break this down into the simplest terms, the six-person mixed tag match between Jesse, Festus & Cherry and Deuce, Domino & Maryse was dead boring until the very last minute or so when the women tagged in, and then it was sloppy as hell till the end. It's been what, over a year and a half since Lenny & Squiggy debuted with us here on Fridays and, although have managed to develop more tag symbiosis between them, STILL are yawn-inducing. Michael Cole mentioned Jesse's amateur background, kindly neglecting to mention everyone else in this match's amateur FOREground. In the end, Maryse about punts Cherry's nose off her face fuh rizzle, falls on her ass, then pounces on Cherry for the pin, gaining a measure of revenge, the kind of revenge being a dish best served not cold, but with a napkin and bib, because this match was a mess. Oh, and, no mention of Festus' Devil's Cross injury. I guess we just busted that out completely out of nowhere two weeks after the match occurred in a delayed reaction haze of attempted continuity.

As an astute reader once said, "You no belong in Double Double E." – Really. I'm SO done with the Russian. PLEASE let this stop. (Sorry, Mark.)

The Ridiculous:

Chavo, seriously – I REALLY hope Chavo Guerrero is setting up Vickie and Edge somehow by crawling back to patch things up tonight. "I had my reasons for walking off last night," he says. Oh really? Mind letting us in on them? No? Kay. Ridiculous you are. Secondly, why are Vickie and Edge so forgiving?! The point of the entire RMY flanking Vickie to the ring was to protect her from The Undertaker! This wasn't a court date or a dentist's visit where the rest of LA FAMILIA was showing up for moral support, they were tagging along to fight for Vickie against one of the business' biggest bad-asses and to basically keep her head attached to her body! Shabbo and Bam bail out on THAT and they're not only welcomed back, but are escorted out to the ring for HIS match against Taker tonight (a little backhanded self-vindication, maybe…?) by Edge & THE EDGEHEADS? Was anyone else totally surprised to see them actually stick around and help Chavo and his cause? The ONLY thing I can think is that we're seeing some pretty big screw jobs brewing here, Edge and Vickie against Taker any way they can, obviously, but also Edge and Vickie against Chavo and Bam, but ALSO, Chavo and Bam against Edge and Vickie. I have a feeling McMahonagement is trying to replicate "The Departed" here, but if there's a LOT of loose edges that need to be sewn up and that's not always WWE's strong suit. I want to be optimistic, I really do, but we're here at the bottom for a reason.

Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [e-mail]

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By: Jeremy Thomas

Raw 5.26.08

THE RIGHT:

THE MEMORIAL DAY DEDICATION: Yes, I know that the 'E does this all the time. But it's still nice to see. I'm not exactly what one can consider the most sentimental guy. I don't get jazzed over decorating the house for Christmas, I don't get into fireworks for Independence Day, or anything like that. It's just not who I am. But it always makes me feel better when I see the WWE takes the time, even if it's barely more than a minute, to remind us of the point of Memorial Day. It's certainly not something they have to do…most people wouldn't even notice if they failed to do it, unless it was pointed out. But they do anyway, because they want to. Totally something they get right.

THE GREAT DEBATERS: Raw started off, after a brief hype segment by Vince (which I'll get into later), with Triple H and Randy Orton squaring off in the ring…in a debate? That's right, as Kevin Kell…er, Todd Grisham chaired a debate of sorts between the two opponents before their Last Man Standing Match at One Night Stand. This was a rather unique (or, more specifically, not-often-done) way to have two rivals face off in an interview segment, and a good one considering the timeliness of the upcoming election. I expected something decent here, but the dueling promos between Hunter and Randy was off the charts in terms of its intensity, heat, and just pure quality. Orton has really grown on me since he reclaimed his spot at the top of the card at No Mercy last year, but I've never seen him give a promo as well as he gave it here. He not only put himself over, he put Triple H over…and laid the subtle groundwork for a potential Triple H heel turn, by pointing out Hunter's tactics of bringing threats close or wiping them out. You notice that ol' H didn't deny any of it, either. Remember that after One Night Stand, when Cena becomes the next in line for the title. And Hunter himself did the same. People can accuse him of protecting his spot, and a lot of it is true. But when he believes in an opponent, he'll do everything he can to build that star, and he continued to do so with Orton. The intensity between the two was high, and the fans were just eating it up. Bonus points for the interview not ending in a brawl, the way these always seem to do when there's furniture in the ring. This was one of the best promos we've seen on Raw in a long time, perhaps since Flair's retirement, and really raised the bar for their match at ONS. Jeremy approves.

LONDRICK vs. CODY AND HOLLY, AND THE RETURN OF MONEY, MONEY MONEY…: Hey, look, it's a World Tag Team Title Match! I do appreciate the small amount of attention that they're showing the Tag straps, because it shows that at least they remember that the damn things exist. Now, if they could only get them on a Pay-Per-View match…but hell, I guess that's probably asking for too much. The match itself was a nice little match, nothing amazing but there were some good spots. JR and Lawler did a nice little job of bringing up Cody Rhodes's second-generation roots, and made some interesting comments about Cody's ego. The skinning of the cat into the Alabama Slam was a nice spot and played into Holly's status as the seasoned veteran of the match, and props to them for pulling it off well. Of course, after the match we had the original Million Dollar Man himself, Ted DiBiase Sr., bring out his son, the new Ted DiBiase. Young Ted has a good look, and some fairly tolerable mic skills. That he's promised to win gold in his first match doesn't bode well for Cody and Holly's chances of holding onto their Tag Team Titles…or at least, one of them. Something tells me, with the rumors of a second-generation stable in the works and DiBiase's mention that everyone's got a price (which is, of course, his dad's old catch phrase) that he's going to be buying off Cody and setting up a heel turn for the man to start the new stable. But that's just my own fantasy booking idea. Regardless, this was done pretty well from start to finish, and I have no complaints.

CENA & HARDY vs. UMAGA & JBL: These four have their own respective matches at One Night Stand against each other, and they built to it really well in this match without giving anything away or making anyone look bad. All four men got their good moments in the match, and while JBL has yet to truly win me over with his in-ring skills since returning, he did what needed to be done here. Cena and Hardy worked well together, and there was nothing that could be complained about. Taking a clean pin from Bradshaw takes nothing away from Jeff, and he played the face-in-peril as well as he always does. Ultimately, it was a nice little tag match to bring them their respective matches at One Night Stand a little attention, and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

HBK vs. Y2J: I'll say this right now…I can't imagine a Jericho/Michaels match ever being in the wrong. However, that makes the expectations that much higher. This certainly wasn't WrestleMania XIX quality, nor was it Judgment Day. But it certainly wasn't intended to be…hello, free TV anyone? Still, these two went out and told a great story in their match. I love that these two have been rivals as of late without either of them truly changing their characters, much like Michaels and Batista have done. The match was entirely sound and easily one of the better matches seen outside of a pay-per-view in the WWE this year. They have great chemistry and work just fabulously off of each other. The double count-out was a step in the right direction as Jericho did not lose, but Shawn kept his heat going toward One Night Stand. One can argue the bullshit factor of the non-finish, but this was a heat-building match, and it didn't quite seem like a cop-out, but rather storyline development, as Jericho's frustration carried them to that point. I also loved the ending, where Jericho laid on a beating and nearly hit Shawn with a chair but held off. It leaves all sorts of possibilities for further development of the storyline, and clearly the Michaels/Jericho feud is far from over. Good stuff all around, and I'm very, very interested to see how this will factor into Michaels/Batista at One Night Stand.

PURGATORY:

MELINA vs. JILLIAN HALL: Can I just stop and say how much I hate Jillian's singing angle and it needs to end so she can be taken seriously? In other news, we breathe air. Okay, now with the obvious out of the way, let's get to the match. It started off pretty sharp with Jillian on the offense, and they got some good spots in before it got a bit sloppy. Melina needs some practice applying her new death lock finisher, but it does add a nice element to the upcoming I Quit match, and the match here was good for what it was, and Beth didn't do horrible on commentary. I really like Melina's face turn, and I think it's been subtle, yet well pulled off. She hasn't really changed her character, but she's getting the crowd to cheer her, and that's something I love to see. On the other hand, I do wish they'd stop being so obvious about trying to use Beth to wipe out the memory of Chyna, such as the comment from Beth about how no Diva, past or present, could make her say "I Quit" and Lawler agreeing with her. That's what it seemed like to me, anyway. This was a decent way to add some heat to a late-added match for the pay-per-view, and while there were some problems with it, it certainly wasn't wrong.

KENNDY vs. CARLITO: As a total side note, something I've been wanting to say…am I the only one who thinks that Kennedy's entrance attire, with the collarless black top and all, is far too reminiscent of a prison jump suit for my taste? I mean, it really makes him look kinda silly. Well, I guess one way to cover up your crappy new entrance music is to wear an even stupider outfit. The match itself was incredibly sloppy, and clearly not one of Kennedy's best, or even Carlito's, and this is certainly one I imagine both men would like to forget. Poor JR and Lawler were trying to cover for the mistakes, but the match just obviously wasn't up to speed, at all. However, what was good was the post-match fun, as it seems we finally have Burchill's first actual feud. This can only be a good thing, as I think a Kennedy/Burchill feud could be great, as long as Paul isn't just made out to be Kennedy's bitch for the duration of it. If the ‘E wants to shake things, up, this is a great way to go about it, as I still believe that Burchill's a star in the making, and this could be his big chance.

THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: Vince came out at the end of the show to make his big, epic, AMAAAAAAZING announcement, and even had the entire Raw roster out there. First, let's get to the good…he finally announced the Draft Lottery. Four weeks, June 23rd, they're finally pulling the trigger on it this year. This is a good thing, as it's high time to even things out a little bit in terms of the face/heel dynamics on all the shows. Of course, this is if…IF…they actually hold true to the God damned brand split! I don't mind the mingling of ECW with whichever show it's going to be tied to, that at least has a storyline reason and makes sense. However, leave the SmackDown guys on SmackDown, the Raw guys on Raw, and cross them only—ONLY—for the occasional Pay-Per-View attraction. Why did Batista/Umaga mean nothing at WrestleMania? Because, due to the frequency of the crossover, it seemed just like any RAW or SD! match. The Big Show's being billed as from SmackDown because he's on ECW now…but wasn't he a Raw guy during the Mayweather thing? I'm not going to go off on this anymore, but I will say this is the ‘E's big opportunity to make the brand split mean something. Unfortunately, it probably won't, because no one in the WWE gives a rat's ass about the split. Just us internet wrasslin' freaks, clearly. Blow me, Vince.

Now, onto the other part…Vince is going to be giving away a million bucks every week? Yeah, right. Sorry boys, but just because Vince said on Raw, in his Mr. McMahon persona that it's not a hoax, doesn't mean that it's not going to be. Do the math. Do you really think that McMahon is going to shell out $52,000,000 a year just to bump ratings up a tenth of a point or so? Not a chance. There's going to be some explanation for this, and when it gets revealed as a storyline, I'm going to shit all over it just like everyone should. Stupid, stupid, stupid. There's no other word for it. And of course, on the infinitesimally small chance it is legit, then I have just one thing to say…

I love you, Vince. Now toss that fat bag o' cash this way! (What, DiBiase's right. Everyone DOES have a price, and mine's a fair bit lower then a mill, I'd wager.)

THE WRONG:

REGAL THIS, REGAL THAT…AND ESCORTS, TOO!: Okay, I get it, WWE. William Regal was suspended for violating Wellness a second time. Gotcha, no problem. But what I don't think we needed was Vince McMahon announcing to the world that "William Regal got what he deserved." While I realize it fit within the storyline, there was just something about the way that it was phrased that didn't sit right with me at all. For one, the "worked shoot" nature of it just sort of screamed Bad TNA…I was half-expecting Vince to call him "Darren." I'd be more comfortable with it except for one thing: when Jeff Hardy got suspended, you didn't hear JR and King mention that he got what he deserved by losing his Money in the Bank match. When Kennedy and Orton were suspended, you didn't hear them get called out on TV for it. I'm not advocating that everyone should be humiliated publicly for their mistakes, but at least have some consistency, guys. And on another note…while the Cryme Tyme bit selling Regal's stuff was good for getting them on the air, it brings up a an annoying point of continuity. Why, if Regal's been fired, were his things set up in the GM's office? Are we to believe that the GM's office just magically stays the same from place to place? It's little things like that that get on my nerves. I'm picky, I know, but come on.

The last thing I have to say about this is what many people might consider a minor, throwaway line…but really, let's not pretend it's not intentional. While Mickie and Vince were talking ideas to improve Raw, JBL came in and stated that her idea of sending Divas to schools for promotion was a turning the Divas into members of an escort service. Yet another comment pandering to the worked shoot crowd, as Ashley is, of course, under scrutiny for her being a part of an escort service herself. It's silly to bring attention to that, and doesn't do Ashley or the WWE any favors. And even ignoring the worked shoot aspect…in days where the one thing TNA is kicking the E's ass in is women's wrestling, we don't NEED the top-tier talent likening the Divas to whores. Classy, writing team. You're just so very, very classy.

THE RIDICULOUS:

NOT EVEN CLOSE TO TOUGH ENOUGH: Gee, Jimmy Kimmel. Thank you so, SO very much. Really, I want to shake your hand and get down on a knee to pay you tribute. For what, you say? Well, for becoming the Jay Leno of 2008, and doing your best to make my sports-entertainment look like a joke in ways that no one else could. The Roddy Piper/Sal training video was really stupid. I don't mean, kind of stupid. I mean major-league, hardcore stupid. The Moo Goo Gai Pan? The Paris Hilton? Wow, that was about as funny as Meet the Freaking Spartans. Oh, and while you're at it, could you take the time to point out how it "looks like it really hurts" with an element of surprise? Because I don't think we've had enough John Stossel 20/20-esque coverage of how the rest of America thinks that wrestling is really fake and couldn't possibly hurt. Seriously, this comedy Marella/Piper/Sal crap is beyond stupid, and I can't believe we actually have to watch it. Just because Donald Trump and Floyd Mayweather worked, and K-Fed wasn't a complete waste of time, doesn't mean that putting every crappy celebrity that might want to get on WWE television into an angle is a good idea. I have two words for you, booking committee: Dennis God-Damned Rodman. Wanna think this one over again? The one thing I can say positively about this is that at least they're not going to waste our money with a One Night Stand match. Poor, poor SmackDown.

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By: Larry Csonka

ECW 5.27.08:

THE RIGHT:

LITTLE TOUCHES: There are times when you can do some little things, add some special little touches with next to no effort, and by doing that you can really make a match seem very important. This week they were determined to put over the people in the Singapore Cane match at the PPV. The match is for a shot at the ECW title and everyone in the match happens to be a former ECW champion. To add to the matches they were having, they showed the flowing clips:

- July 4th, 2006 and Big Show's Title victory over Rob Van Dam
- September 4th, 2007 and CM Punk defeated John Morrison for the ECW Title.
- April of 2000 with Tommy Dreamer and his speech when he won the ECW Title
- January 22, 2008 Chavo won the ECW Title from CM Punk
- John Morrison winning the ECW Title at last year's Night of Champions

These were five clips that lasted all of 3-minutes of the show, but it is the little things that sometimes take something from good to great. You have Show winning the title in a screw job over ECW original RVD. You have Johnny NITRO defeating CM Punk for the title, and later CM Punk defeating Nitro turned Morrison for the title. Chavo defeated Punk for the title, some craziness there as they are so linked. Dreamer's win was the culmination of a career in the company. I dug this big time, simplicity works people!

CHAVO vs. PUNK: Another match that worked towards the PPV was this one, Chavo vs. Punk. They are both in the cane match and it just made sense, although it was a bit predictable. Outside of them blowing a royal butter fly spot, this was a damn good TV match, and one of the best they have had together I feel. Bam played a little factor in the bout, they worked hard and the ending was going pretty well. The counter of the knee of doom was good into the roll up with the trunks, but possibly could have worked better if Bam would have been involved or if they did the exposed turnbuckle spot, as in my opinion it would have protected Punk more and really given you the thought that he was screwed. This got roughly 8-minutes of TV time, which was nice to see.

PURGATORY:

KOFI vs. KNOX with a side of SHELTON: This week saw Kofi Kingston and Mike Knox face off. They had a fine little speed vs. power bout, no one cares about Knox but they cheered Kofi, who would get the win. After the match Kofi and Shelton (who was on commentary) brawled, Kofi got an advantage and then ate the KNOX-OUT and was left laying in the ring. The match was "fine," nothing so much wrong with it, but it keeps a trend of something I dislike. Seriously, am I ever going to see what Kofi Kingston can REALLY do? Sure he is serviceable in these 3-5 minute matches, and maybe that is being done for a reason. Maybe he got brought up too early and they don't have the confidence to let him work longer matches. And again I say, no matter what some think, he will not get over and stay over working these short matches with no promo time. You can take that to the BO BO BO BANK!

THE BIG SHOW vs. DREAMER: Tommy Dreamer and the Big Show kicked off the program this week in an effort to hype the Singapore cane match, which was appreciated. They had a 2-minute and 30-second match, which Show won. While this made Show look like a dominating monster, I also feel that it made Dreamer look like a bitch. He is a former ECW champion and is known to put up a good fight. Give him a little bit here, let him go crazy with a few weapons before his demise. Lots of good but some bad here, so it isn't a total wash.

I HATE HANDICAP MATCHES/SHOW ENDING BRAWL: I really, really hate handicap matches. They have been so overdone in WWE in the last few years that the simple announcement of one pisses me off. The fact here is that while Kane is the ECW champion, Miz and Morrison are the tag team champions. They have beaten Kane and Punk and Kane when the double-teamed him. In my opinion the tag team champions should decimate one man, no matter who he is. Instead the had to protect Kane and do the DQ finish. BULLSHIT! The good news of this was that they went from this right into a big brawl involving the men in the Singapore cane match. Punk and Dreamer would rush the ring, eventually followed by Chavo. They all fought, and finally the Big Show would come to the ring. He and Kane would clear the ring and close the show with a stand off. That was good stuff and helped save us from the handicap blah that had angered me.

THE WRONG:

DO YOU GOT YOUR LUNCH IN THAT THING? THEN WHAT IS IT FOR?: Seriously, he lost to Chavo AGAIN. Good old CM Punk, our boy is fucked for a few reasons. He is in the doghouse again, basically because he constantly rubs people the wrong way. He has the Indy stigma on him, and people in the company hate him for that. Add onto this that Hardy was to win the briefcase and he only got it since he was in the match and over, and you have this recent string of shitty booking. The fact that they had him go over in the MITB match and have followed it up with such poor booking is a shame. He doesn't have to win all of the time, but he needs to not lose as much and be way more protected when he does lose. Oh well Punk, go drown your sorrows in some Pepsi or some shit.

THE RIDICULOUS:

NADDA:

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By: Larry Csonka

The Matches:

STRETCHER MATCH: RVD defeated Randy Orton @ 14:45 *½

TABLES MATCH: CM Punk & The Sandman & Tommy Dreamer defeated The New Breed @ 7:35 via Table **¼

WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE LADDER MATCH: The Hardy's defeated TWGTT @ 17:25 **** MATCH of the Night

LUMBERJACK MATCH: Mark Henry defeated Kane @ 9:10 via ref stoppage (ASS) CO-TRASH of the Night

ECW World Heavyweight Championship Street Fight Match: Bobby Lashley defeated Vince McMahon @ 12:27 via pin **½

NON-TITLE PUDDING MATCH: Candice Michelle defeated Melina @ 3:00 via pudding tap (N-R) CO-TRASH of the Night

WORLD TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH: Edge defeated Batista @ 15:30 via Escape ***

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE WWE TITLE MATCH: John Cena defeated Khali @ 10:34 via pin **¼


The Right:

The World Title Match - The second of our "big" title matches was Edge and Batista facing off for the World Title. Not only were they fighting for the title, but also they were doing battle in the confines of the dreaded steel cage! First of all JBL was tremendous on commentary as usual, this man is just great and it needs repeating. Secondly, Edge is so awesome right now and showed it in the first seconds of the match as the bell rang and he sprinted for the door, only to be stopped by Batista and the battle began. Edge was the typical heel and kept trying to escape through chicken shit means and Batista just wanted to kill this man. They worked really hard, better than the last match and in the end, while a lot of it was paint by numbers, it was very good paint by numbers. Through the whole match they stressed that BOTH FEET had to hit the floor to win via escape, and I dreaded the draw finish ala the recent Taker cage match, which would have pissed me off. But what happened is Batista crawled for the door, while Edge escaped over the top. Batista got both HANDS on the ground, while Edge dropped down and won. A heel won basically CLEAN. HOORAH~! This played into the commentary, storytelling kids! Batista was pissed in the end, Edge escaped and all was well here, they both looked string, good match and no complaints minus that I would have liked some blood, being a cage match and all.

The WWE Title Match - For the second straight PPV we had a main event of John Cena vs. The Great Khali. And for the second straight PPV this was a FINE match. Khali played monster perfectly, Cena played victim and super hero perfectly and once again, the crowd loved this. They played up that Cena would have to pin this beast and that his only chance was to FU this monster, which they also played up the entire match. This was all good stuff, nothing offensive at all and honestly I do not have any complaints. In the end, Cena finally got the FU, off of a crane to Khali after several teases and slain the beast again. The crowd loved this, again the match was good, even a little better than the last time and I was fine with this all. Cena is now the monster killer ad that again is fine with me. He also is showing that he may in fact become wrestler of the year. Great matches with everyone, Edge, HBK, Khali; that is a diverse collection and he should be commended for it.


Purgatory:

Tag Team Ladder Fun - The Hardy's vs. TWGTT did battle on this evening in a ladder match for the tag team titles, and this was a great match! Now while this was not as good as the 4-way tag team ladder match where Mercury's face exploded, this was a damn fine match. These four men went out there and did crazy shit and attempted to kill themselves, and almost succeeded. They did classic ladder spots, some innovative spots and some things that made me think people died. This was awesome and again, Matt and Jeff step up big on PPV and show why the fans love them so much. The Hardy's won clean in the end, which is great, and the crowd was happy. It appeared as if Matt was banged up as his right arm was shaking oddly at the end. I would guess that it happened on the straddle ladder spot earlier, as that had to jack up his back. Outside of that, it appeared as if everyone came out all right, which is what we always hope for.

-A bad part was that Shelton had a case of the botches again. It seems that every time he gets a push something happens and he botches a big move. I think at this point that this is a problem in his head. I think that he thinks too much about messing up and when he does, he does so big time. This one saw him go for a springboard dropkick to a ladder, slipped and was able to flip over and still kick the ladder, but it looked bad. I don't know the answer, but it is a problem.

-The good news was as said, it was a clean match as there was no sign of Cade and or Murdoch. In fact this will continue. Hass and Shelton got checked on and so did the Hardy's. They argue and say that was no wrestling match, this wouldn't be allowed in the NCAA's and this is no way to make a living as well as this would not happen in the NCAA'S. They start to brawl backstage with ice packs and had to be separated. Reflecting back, this was stupid. They just went through a big ass ladder match, and now they are ok to brawl and not selling the injuries. That was bad. And then, there is the fact that we have kicked off this feud with a ladder match. Ass backwards booking, something I bitched at TNA for and will do this here, so purgatory. Great match, bad booking.

The ECW Title Match - I will start by saying that of the three matches that this was probably the best effort they had, so that is the good thing. Shane did all of his big spots, Umaga was a beast, and Vince was Vince and Lashley looked super human. I will say that this match ALMOST did not happen. You see, Lashley decided he would begin the match with a SUICIDE dive onto Umaga. But the problem is this, he grabbed the rope on the way out and basically MISSED Umaga and killed the floor with that Senton. Lashley almost died Sunday night, but thankfully he was ok and the match continued. But that all being said, the first complaint is that this was what we expected, the same match we have seen three times. I was 3 on 1, lots of Superman comebacks and gimmicks. Why even tease it is going to be 1 on 1, just come out and say it. The other thing is this. Yes, by the end of the match, the crowd was WAY into Lashley. But basically anyone against Vince will get great pops. The key will be if Lashley can keep this momentum when he faces off against people like Snitsky or who ever is next. If he can do that then the whole process was worth it, but again, time will tell. But for the night, the dog and pony show worked, I just wonder for how long.

The Tables Match - In a nod to the ECW of old we had a tables match on this show, featuring CM Punk, The Sandman & Tommy Dreamer vs. The New Breed of Marcus Von Brown, Young Elijah and Matt Striker. They had a 7-minute match in which they tried to kill each other, and they did it well. Tons of hard work, good spots and in the end, as figured, Striker was part of the loss and CM Punk, The Sandman & Tommy Dreamer stood tall. It was fine. So while it was a good match, there was the issue that people didn't seem to care about it all that much, which is a shame because they all worked hard. Again that comes down to the fact of how ECW as a whole is booked. People are not conditioned to care. You had 6-men with a beef that were going to settle it with this tables match and people acted like it was nothing important. The other travesty was that Monty Von Cor did NOT I fact pounce anyone out of their shoes. That was a shame. Good match overall, not great, but not bad but by now no one will remember or care about it.


The wRong:

The Stretcher Match - The PPV kicked off with the RVD vs. Orton stretcher match. This was an odd choice to start he show, as usually you would want something that would get the crowd amped up and all. That really didn't do that. Early on the wrestling was spotty in quality. It wasn't bad, but it was fine. They worked counters, RVD going for headshots to get retaliation on Orton, but then RVD get nailed in the head, and he was off to concussion land again. So they are working the concussion angle, which I hate, but they couldn't even be bothered to do it correctly. One minute RVD is fucked up, glassy eyed and falling off of the top rope like an idiot. The next, he is doing flipping sentons to the floor with ease. Man, I know his selling is very suspect at times, but this was a booking call and a very bad one. And then as it seems Orton is about to win, RVD kicks him in the head, killing Orton apparently and RVD wins.

-That's right, RVD has won the match, and then Randy Orton attacks him, kicks his head against the post, and then stuff DDT'S him on the floor, laying out RVD and according to WWE.com, putting him out indefinitely. Now as I watched this, I had some thoughts running through my head, and they I got an email that shared the same concerns. This is from long time reader Craig - Am I the only one who thinks it's really silly for the person who just 'lost' a stretcher match to hop off the stretcher and beat down the person who beat them? Doesn't that really make the whole exercise kind of pointless? Sometimes, I am so proud of my readers! Here is the deal here.

-Basically, they are still pissed with Orton for being a fuck up and didn't want to give him the total win at the PPV. Also, WWE decided that they wanted to SWERVE LOS INTRAWEB by having RVD win. And I can here the WWE marks now proclaiming how much a genius Vince is for doing this. No, he's an idiot. RVD is leaving, they had a chance here to take someone that needed a win to get one here t the expense of RVD, at a former ECW PPV. With all of the injuries having someone that needs a good match and push go out there with RVD would have made the most sense. But they didn't do that.

-Also, you go into this match and you want Orton over at the end, you want him standing tall and looking like he is the best. Well then why did he win the match is SUCH a lame way. He got kicked in the head, and RVD barely beats him. Shit man, if you are going to do this do it right. You let RVD be RVD! Go and be crazy, do his spots, pop the crowd and get the most out of this that you can. But they didn't do that. Also, a finish line for a stretcher match is LAME as hell. Damn people. Anyway, personal dislike, poor/average wrestling and bad booking together make this a wrong in my book. Thanks Rob.

Extreme Rules? - I have to ask, for a PPV hyped as EXTREME (7-times in the trailer says young Arnold Furious) this was really, lame/tame. Now do NOT get me wrong. With the rash of injuries of late, I can understand them not going totally all out (outside of the crazy ladder match) bit for a match with "All extreme rules matches" I never felt it. There was no blood, which the trailers make you think there will be, minimal weapon shots and over all it felt just there. As I said, I don't want guys doing tons of stupid shit that means nothing when the next match comes along, but I need something to buy this as an "extreme rules show." Outside of the ladder match and Shane doing his usual spots, it was very tame. The only blood was a trickle from Edge, yeah, like no blood in a cage match. I was just very disappointed in the end as I thought there could be a bit more added to this show with just a little bit of effort, but alas it was not meant to be. See, I do not mind that all the matches were Extreme Rules with stipulations added on top of that, I don't mind at all. What I hate is that they did next to nothing with that, and the show I feel suffered a bit for that.


The Ridiculous:

The Pudding Match - You know its funny. A few weeks back Vince and the WWE set a new precedent if you will backstage, that being that the Divas would be presented in more of a professional manner. They hired a stylist, a PR person and all of that good stuff just for that. And then two-weeks later they booked a PUDDING MATCH. Damn that's an impressive turn around. So they had this match, which featured pre-match genius analysis from Maria and her kissing Candice as Santino stood around like a goof. But not only did they have a pudding match, but also at times, they attempted to have a grappling match in the pudding. Headlocks, arm bars and a DDT. To top it off, a tap out in the pudding! Yeah, this was, something. In the end this was a bad parody of Stripes, when John Candy goes to the bar with them and mud wrestles chick, only not nearly as funny and no titties.

The Lumberjack Match - And then there is more bad! Mark Henry and Kane, this was worse than it sounds. Let me say that the best part of this match was the fact that Val Venis and Stevie Richards were lumberjacks, hence on PPV and henceforth will get a PPV bonus! YAY! But that is where the greatness ended. This was slow, plodding and at times painful to watch. This was painful, I just have to repeat that, painful. Henry got the win and he is on the way to feud with Batista I feel. But the finish, the finish sees them do a ref stoppage. Now, I actually have no problems doing ref stoppages, but the fact is that they have to be believable and the fans have to be conditioned to think they may be coming. They needed to have this tested on house shows, and while the "Concussion Angle" has provided some ref stoppages, they haven't established Henry using a bear hug since his return. Sure he is "the world's strongest man" but nobody bought Kane falling to this hold, you could tell by the reaction. So we had a very slow and bad match, the stoppage that the crowd SHAT on, yeah, this is a ridiculous.

Oh yeah, fuck this - On the mention of the lumberjack match. When Chris Benoit is a Lumberjack that is sad. Benoit vs. MVP was axed for this horseshit. Val Venis sold better on the floor than both men did. This was stupid and got a special mention. BLAH~!


Closing Thoughts:
When it comes down to this, the good was really good and the bad was really bad. The Hardy's once again delivered and along with TWGTT put on our match of the night. Most matches were fine, the pudding and lumberjack matches were what you expected, and possibly worse. Yeah, seriously. Overall I will go with a 6.5 out of 10 for the show. Not horrible, some hard work, and a lot of potential saved a lot of things. I just feel that sometimes you need to give the guys some rope. Either they use it to their advantage or they hang themselves. But they need to have the chance, and they didn't get it here. In the end I wouldn't recommend you paying $40 for the show, but check down the ladder match, the cage match was good and Cena and Khali had another good outing. In the end I don't know if that is worth $40 to you, that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself; but for me, not at all.

And I'm out of here!