Lansdell's Sunday Brunch News Report 06.01.08
Posted by Chris Lansdell on 06.01.2008
Happy June everyone! We break down the logic of One Night Stand, cry in our coffee over ratings, and chew the fat over Vince's big giveaway. Order up!
Greetings, humanity! Welcome to Lansdell's Sunday Brunch, your weekend news report with the cheesy gifs. Yeah, I know my place. Once again, we're in a slow news week, so I'm really scraping the barrel for things to write about. It's all good though, we'll inject my usual dose of cynicism and "humour" to at least keep 5 of you interested.
Hey Meehan! You rock.
Couple of minor personal items that are wrestling related. First, I finally got my hands on a CM Punk figure, which now proudly adorns my desk at work, surveying all and protecting me from morons. However, it is missing several tattoos, notably the Pepsi and Cobra ones. Of course this is down to trademark issues, but it's no wonder that I had trouble finding one before.
I got my RoH ticket this week. I was not pleased: they enclosed a note to tell me that they had sold out of front row tickets by the time I ordered, but could not get them off the site fast enough, so they had refunded me the difference and sent me second row. What, you couldn't have told me this before? An email as soon as you realised would have been better, guys, and I would have just asked you to send me random DVDs to make up the difference. On top of that, I remember that I can't order the Take No Prisoners pay per view, because I am in Canada. Why do you hate me, RoH? WHY??!!?!!??
Before we get to the spread, a suggestion!
Just a suggestion.
Use a picture of sausages for the links. Don't be afraid of the visual pun.
Posted By: monkey (Guest) on May 25, 2008 at 11:46 AM
Watch our show! We'll pay you! Vince pulls out the last stop to get you to watch
The biggest (read: only real) news of the week was announced Monday on Raw, as Vince McMahon told the world (or a small part of it) that he would be giving away cash money every week to viewers across North America. The amount he's giving away if the point of some contention right now, as his announcement could be taken to mean a million dollars a week, or a giveaway each week with total prizes of one million dollars.
As with any major announcement, the IWC instantly exploded with comments, some defending the move as not unusual, but most bashing at as a sign of Vince's desperation for viewers. More still were dismissing it as a stunt, saying everything from "He will give it all to plants" to "It will be text-2-win and he'll make more than he gives away" and even "It's something to do with Ted DiBiase".
First of all, how would we ever know if the money went to plants or real fans? Whatever you may think of Vince McMahon, and I've had some choice words for him in the past, he is not an idiot. If it could be proven that the money went to people who were on his payroll, you can guarantee there would be legal questions asked. The details haven't been announced yet (but when has that ever stopped smarks from complaining?), but all these contests have pages of tiny print rules and regulations for a reason.
If it ends up being a text-2-win program, and Vince makes money off it...so what? We've been giving our money to him for years with much less potential for reward. However this ends up working, Vince is going to profit from it, or he wouldn't do it. He may be rich, but he won't stay that way for long if he gives away a million dollars a week. Don't begrudge the man a profit.
Something to do with DiBiase? Despite the graphic at the start of the section, I doubt it. In fact, I toyed with putting Vince's head on Dr. Evil, but Austin Powers jokes are so 2001. How can a promise to give away a sum of one million dollars possibly turn into doing something with the Million Dollar Man?
I've been wrong before, and I will be again, but I think Vince is on the up-and-up here. Is he doing it out of the goodness of his heart? Is he heck as like. Although he probably SHOULD be compensating us with money for some of the crap we've been put through over the past year or so, you can bet your home on Vince profiting from this in some way. That's not a bad thing, mind you, but he's not that much of a philanthropist.
The ones calling this a desperate ploy are the WWE haters, the ones who refuse to see any good in anything they do. By the same token, the ones calling it a good move (nobody is calling it brilliant...) and saying it will boost ratings are the ones who refuse to watch TNA because it has to suck, it's not WWE. The truth, as usual, is probably somewhere in the middle. The promise of free money is hardly new in television. Hell, it's not even new in wrestling. Both WWF and WCW have tried million dollar giveaways before, though neither of them ended up awarding the million, and WWE has given away a home. It's a proven way to increase interest and viewership and as such can't really be called a last-ditch beg. However, having tried a minor shake-up of the main event, improving the quality of the in-ring product, and focusing more on tag teams and women's matches, all to no effect, Vince probably is desperate to see an increase in ratings. I'm sure he has at least a couple more things he can try, but he has to be scraping the sides, if not the bottom, of the peanut butter jar if he's appealing to one of the lowest common motivators: cash.
Like I said, Vince is not stupid. He knows that most smarks are not going to watch because of this. But the casual fan who's turned off might just do so and, perhaps more importantly (as you will see below), people will stop DVR'ing the show if there is a time-sensitive contest to enter. It's a big risk though, because if this doesn't work...then what? If you can't make people watch with the prospect of winning serious ducats, what can you possibly do to top it?
Will you follow me down now, down now Ratings for every wrestling show are plummeting
I love that song.
About 2 weeks ago, I made an off-the-cuff remark to The Csonkanator regarding which would happen first: Impact dropping below 1, Smackdown going below 2.5 or Raw going below 3. This week, all 3 happened, as Raw did a 2.9, Impact and 0.9 and Smackdown a 2.4. And of course, the WWE bashers are saying it's because the product sucks, the TNA bashers are saying it's because the product sucks...long story short, situation normal. Despite some improvements in all 3 shows recently, some of the booking decisions and actual matches remain sub par, and as long as that's the case, you're unlikely to see a rebound.
The fact is that despite the ratings drop, Raw remains the number 1 rated show on cable, apart from an NBA playoff game. Spike continues to be happy with TNA, as far as we've heard, and MyNetwork TV would be ecstatic with a 2.4 rating on a regular basis. With facts like that to back up the low numbers, where is the necessity to improve them?
The main excuse being given for the low Raw ratings, especially, is that many people record the show to DVR, perhaps as much as 15-20% of the live audience, which would mean a rating of closer to 3.3 this week. The problems with this are numerous. First, to my knowledge there is no way to verify the DVR viewers, so it's relatively easy to spin the numbers to whatever you want. Second, the 2.9 is really just the breaking of a psychological barrier; the real issue is that the numbers have been steadily dropping for a while now. Even if the real rating is a 3.3, the real rating in January was closer to a 4 by the same logic. However, the real issue is what people tend to do when they record a show. I don't know about you, but the main attraction for me, apart from not having to stay up until 1am to watch the end of Raw, is being able to skip commercials and Triple H promos, and watch JBL matches at normal speed with fast forward. Apart from the obvious bad news that people are skipping chunks of his show, there's something more here: commercials pay the bills. If the people paying for advertising time think that a lot of the viewers are skipping their commercials, then they're not going to pay any more.
As for Impact...where to start? Even TNA fans are starting to change their tack, saying that people would enjoy if only they would watch. While that may be more true now than ever, the problem is that they chased too many potential fans away. This past week, Impact's rating was beaten by AM Raw. As in the show that comes on at 2am on a Saturday and is a recap show. That can't be good. Even with the strong women's division and the gradual elevation of home-grown talent (which, really, is the only way to do it and make sure it sticks), people just aren't interested. TNA has tried throwing money at the problem, and surprise surprise, it didn't go away. Now they're trying to work it away with good stories, more intelligent booking and keeping the same level of in-ring action, but they shoot themselves in the foot with their constant search for gimmick matches that work.
Smackdown's decline is of the least concern. They're about to move networks, which is bound to spike viewership for a couple of weeks, and they're getting Misterio back from injury soon. They're also likely to get a couple of good hands in the draft, and have built MVP to the point where he's ready to main event. The thing you have to remember about Smackdown is that it is now, always has been and likely always will be the star-maker for Raw. They go from FCW to ECW to learn how to work in front of big audiences and cameras, then to Smackdown to learn the WWE style and how to work the mic. If they get over, they go to Raw. This is not going to change and we all need to stop pretending that Smackdown is anything more. Sure they'll throw a couple of name guys over to the blue brand every now and then, but they are their to legitimise the new stars, nothing more. WWE lives or dies based on Raw's rating, and that's about it.
Bottom line? If you add up the ratings from the 4 main shows this week, you get 7.2, which Raw used to get on its own. There's a statement for you.
This Week In Links After all, what's a Sunday brunch without the paper?
Where has this guy been hiding? W.S Thomason goes all Frankenstein on is and tells us how to build monsters.
Jake Chambers is on a role and brings us another soul-searcher this week.
Ari talks about the latest RoH pay per view offering, Take no Prisoners.
Homicide: Shank the smarks! LAX's Lucha Thug shoots, or is that stabs, on the IWC
In a recent interview with The Sun in the UK, Homicide comes clean about his feelings for American internet wrestling fans. In his mind, they deserve to be "shanked", and are "idiots and dorks sitting at a computer thinking they are better than a wrestler or a booker." He goes on to say that not all smarks are bad, for example the ones in the UK are respectful, and to him that is the key, being respectful. Apparently, "American wrestling fans are a joke."
Whoa, Nellie! Not to make a mountain out of a molehill here, but somebody should probably tighten the Notorious 187's leash. I'm well aware that the days of kayfabe, when a face would have nothing but compliments to give to fans, are long gone. But to bury the largest part of TNA's audience, when you're being pushed as a big face team? Worse, to insult the fans in the exact same way that the mega-heels with whom you are facing have been doing? Not smart, Homi, not smart.
Accurate, but not smart.
Oh come on, you know it's true. The vast majority of internet fans (and writers) like nothing better than to bitch and complain about how the bookers are clueless, the wrestlers are useless, and so on. It's really nothing more than jealousy that they will never do what these men do. Sometimes, maybe we do know better, and even less often we might be able to do better in the ring. I've been in the ring, and I can tell you this: it's a lot easier to sit here and pick out mistakes than it is to go in there and not make them. So yes, Homicide flapped his jaw too much. But dude has a point.
Random Video Interlude!
More Jericho awesomeness. Many thanks to the ever-awesome Ryan Byers for reminding me of this.
One Night Stand preview C'mon, it's the fourth one. It's a relationship now.
Well, we have another WWE PPV offering tonight. Our glorious overlord Randle leads the staff in the Round Table, and Stuart James has the "By the numbers" preview. That leaves me to analyse the logic of each outcome.
Beth Phoenix vs Melina – I Quit match
If Beth Phoenix wins: We'll get the resumption of the Beth-Mickie James feud at Night of Champions, which has been a pretty good feud so far. If Melina wins: It gives us the (relatively) fresh option of Melina vs Mickie, and lets Beth feud with someone coming over from Smackdown. Michelle? Natalya? I'd pay to see both. Conclusion: I doubt we'll see the kind of I Quit we've become accustomed to seeing, with weapons and blood. Likely this will end with a submission probably with Beth Phoenix going over as they continue to try and convince us that she's over. I just hope it gets enough time.
Jeff Hardy vs Umaga – Falls Count Anywhere
If Umaga wins: He'll either be kept strong for his trip to Friday nights, or he's the next challenger for Triple H. Hardy gets doomed to midcard hell for a few months until he can prove he's clean. If Hardy wins: He is the catalyst for Triple H's heel turn, as HHH does everything he can to keep Hardy away from the main event. Umaga runs to Smackdown with his thumb between his legs. Conclusion: I think we all know that this match will end with Jeff Hardy being insane. Whether he connects or misses is the question. Umaga has shown that he can put on some good matches when brutality is involved, and Hardy is a spot monkey, so we have the potential for a good match here. I don't see any way that Jeff Hardy doesn't go over, even if Umaga challenging HHH sounds good to me.
Shawn Michaels vs Batista – Stretcher Match
If Michaels wins: It really has to end the feud if it's clean. Batista looks terrible, and Michaels has very little to do, except go to Smackdown or feud with Orton. Or possibly Lance Cade. If Batista wins: The feud goes on, probably until Great American Bash. This is the more likely place for Jericho to interfere, if he's going to, and either turn Batista heel or set up a triple threat for Night of Champions with Batista being pissed at Jericho for interfering. Conclusion: A lot of people are down on stretcher matches, but I don't remember one that was actively bad. Batista pretty much has to win, or he ends up looking like crap.
John Cena vs JBL – First Blood Match
If John Cena wins: He's in line for a title shot, but the build will be slow so they can stretch it to SummerSlam. JBL can elevate a face midcarder. If JBL wins: The smarks will be happy. JBL can continue his campaign for a one-on-one title shot, while Cena goes in to a feud that he'll pretty much have to win. Conclusion: There's really only one realistic outcome here: John Cena for the win. Off the top of my head I can't recall seeing him busted open, and he's done a lot of counting of the ring lights recently. Plus I'm sure his waist is starting to feel a little naked. Now that he's getting more cheers than boos, the bookers might feel it's time to put the strap back on him.
The Big Show vs. CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero – Singapore Cane Match
If Big Show wins: The world will groan as we watch another Kane-Show match. Nobody else in the match is really hurt by it, unless Punk takes the pin. If CM Punk wins: It will go a long way to repairing his credibility, especially if he pins Show and Chavo, and he will alleviate my fears that he will cash in MitB against Kane. If John Morrison wins: He's not likely to beat Kane again, but if he does you might see a split of the team and a feud with Miz over the belt. If Tommy Dreamer wins: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No seriously, it will be purely for nostalgia value. Dreamer is likely here to take the fall, but if they do give him the nod, he loses to Kane and retires quietly. If Chavo wins: He loses to Kane one more time, but in doing so sets up a Bam Neely title shot. Conclusion: I can see this going a lot of ways, as there are a few viable winners here and most of them would make for good stories. Big Show winning is too obvious, so I'll go with John Morrison for the surprise victory.
WWE Champion Triple H vs Randy Orton – Last Man Standing
If Triple H wins: We finally get an end to this feud. Orton ends up looking bad, but gets the chance to take the time off that he was looking for, and can move on to a Jeff Hardy, Shawn Michaels or possibly Mr Kennedy. HHH has either Cena or JBL waiting. If Orton wins: Cena gets another chance to take the title back from the guy who put him out. HHH gets to seethe. Conclusion: With Stephanie pregnant and probably about 6 months along, the time is coming when HHH may well be taking some time off. It's not happening yet, though. Triple H to go over, in all likelihood, which is a shame for Orton. Don't discount the possibility of an MitB cash-in after this match. Hell, maybe even during.
Edge vs Undertaker – TLC match for the vacant World Heavyweight title
If Edge wins: Umaga can stay on Raw, as Taker goes there for that rumoured feud. Edge can have MVP, a newly-drafted Jericho or Michaels, or possibly Big Show. If Taker wins: The entire title-stripping story comes to a satisfying end, as Taker proves that even the evil GM cannot take the title from him. Edge is stuck in limbo, because as long as he's banging the GM, he can just get title shot after title shot, but as good as Edge-Taker has been, they can't keep giving us great matches.
The Feedback Card
Regal is 40 not 43 mate.
Posted By: DP (Guest) on May 25, 2008 at 09:16 AM
Wikipedia agrees with you, but this site does not. OWW is a far more reliable source, normally.
RVD and Heyman in TNA.
nuf said
Posted By: ECWFan (Guest) on May 25, 2008 at 05:26 PM
RVD, maybe. Heyman, no. It's been addressed numerous times, but Heyman and Cornette will NOT work together, any more than Bruno Sammartino and Randy Savage will be inducted into the Hall of Fame next year. If you want more info on that, be sure to email Steve Cook's Ask 411 column, he loves getting those questions.
So that's just about the end of the buffet. Countdown update: 54 days to front second row, 41 days until an earth-shattering début, and 23 days until you see my greatest work ever. Maybe. Randle is in tomorrow, and don't forget to check out our LIVE PPV coverage tonight, and the Instant Analysis (possibly starring LANSDELL!) soon after the conclusion. You can also catch more of me in this weeks Buy or Sell, as I take on the man they call Berrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
If it's ratings vince is after, and he's willing to put up a million dollars a week for it, damn it, go knock on Dwayne Johnson's door, ask him to put the gimmick back as his middle name (the WWE:s casual fans started dropping off after Dwayne made it clear he's not coming back) give him a "creative freedom" type deal and a million dollar guaranteed a week, and wait for the POP!!...
oh, wait...been there, wcw that....nevermind
Posted By: casual_monday_mayhem (Guest) on June 01, 2008 at 02:22 AM
Cena doesnt get busted open often, but when he does it is a gusher. JBL is a good bleeder, so either outcome will look cool.
Posted By: Chris (Guest) on June 01, 2008 at 02:44 AM
Sp this is the hope of "EPIC FAIL".
All I have to say is WHY?
You single-handedly gave a bunch of idiots, a term I occasionally use for diehard WWE marks, to try and seem "cool" on the 'net.
I just hope that wasn't the intent.
Posted By: scipio2009 (Registered) on June 01, 2008 at 04:19 AM
scipio2009
Lulz! Coz only die hard WWE fans are stoopid!
I love how you needed to make that distinction despite there being plenty of moronic fans of other promotions too. Yourself for example.
Go away please.
Posted By: Dr Domino (Guest) on June 01, 2008 at 07:50 AM
The Notorious 187 was on point. We do spend way too time complaining thinking we could do better.
Personally I don't think it will affect his status as a face or heel.
Bottom line is that wrestling fans in other countries show more respect and we here in America are too much in style and flash. That's why the WWE can continue to put on crappy angle after stale angle and we won't care because of the glitz.
Posted By: Orlando (Guest) on June 01, 2008 at 03:14 PM
I agree with the columnist. As Lou Thesz(sp) one said, in a documentary on the history of pro wrestling, pro wrestling is a way too make money. Obviously, he would not be giving cash away if there was not something in it for him. His best act of corporate generosity is sending the wrestlers to Iraq. I think that is genuinely a good way to say thanks to the troops.
Posted By: Guest#0725 (Guest) on June 01, 2008 at 04:55 PM
Not to brag, but the front row tickets I ordered actually came in ^_-
Seriously though, there must of been quite a few people ordering at the same time if they didn't have the time to take it off.
Either way, should be a great show.
Posted By: Dylan (Guest) on June 01, 2008 at 05:13 PM
First time reader - and last. I read the news here daily, so if you're going to recap it, at least make it interesting.
Your logic on match finishes is leave-or-take, and I'll leave it. You're no more knowledgeable on the direction of any feud than any other smark on the interwebs.
Finally, they do have a method of tracking DVR because they know what percentage of the audience does "time shifting" aka fast forwarding through commercials.
Get your facts straight.
Why the owners of this site insist on having so many pointless recap columns is beyond me. One "MeeThinks" is one too many.
Posted By: Manbearpig (Guest) on June 02, 2008 at 01:31 AM
This has become my favorite column on 411.
Keep up the good work
Posted By: Kevin (Guest) on June 02, 2008 at 11:17 AM
The million is a work. Dibiase (either one) will end up winning it or something, since they don't need it and Vince=evil.
Also, I can understand Homicide not enjoying being criticized, but as a consumer I retain the right to voice my opinion on any product. They're there to entertain us. They need us more than we need them.
Posted By: Buggy Todd (Guest) on June 02, 2008 at 12:39 PM
Million dollar begging bowl!
Watch our show! We'll pay you!
Will you follow me down now, down now
