Happy-Go-Sucky News Report 06.11.08
Posted by Chris Lansdell on 06.11.2008
A million is not enough to watch Raw, Jimmy Wang Yang apparently reads his spam, Danielson in WWE, and a guest host make this the best Wednesday news report since last week!
Greetings, humanity! I am not Steve Sullivan, but this IS the Happy-Go-Sucky News Report. I am, in fact, Chris Lansdell, waiter of the Sunday Brunch News Report, moderator of the TNA round tables, and frequent Instant Analyser. Never let it be said that I don't love you readers, as I am sacrificing well-needed sleep to make sure you have your midweek news fix.
Are we all sitting comfortably? Then let's begin!
News: Raw's big $1 million Giveaway fails to spike ratings as it draws a 3.0
Happy: Well, maybe now Vince will realise that we don't want puerile humour, 5-minute matches, watered-down movesets and the same people on the top ALL THE TIME. Seriously, the highlight of last night's Raw was Vince getting RickRolled, and that's a sad state of affairs. Oh, I suppose the Highlight Reel was good, but that whole situation should be Michaels and someone who needs the rub, not Jericho. Jericho himself should be helping get some young star over.
Go Sucky: I am legitimately worried about Vince McMahon. With rumours starting to circulate that he may not be fully in charge of his mental faculties, and with what we've seen in the recent past, my fear is that he takes this latest blow as a sign that he needs to get crazier. They were beating 3.0 with nothing asking people to watch, so if anything this promotion has caused regulars to turn off and casuals to turn on. Not what you want, because when the contest goes, so do the casuals. Really, what was there last night to make them come back?
News: RoH standout Bryan Danielson wrestled in, and won, a dark match on Raw.
Happy: Not only is Danielson simply incredible in the ring, he also has a certain charisma that stands him apart from most Indy guys. He's a more charismatic Chris Benoit, able to just be the intense machine but also capable of talking without sounding like the guy who says "Message CM 37...". His dark match win was not against another Indy guy, or even Random Developmental Jobber, but rather Lance Cade, a guy that management have been high on for a while and are trying to push. This augurs well for fans of Danielson and of good wrestling, as we may be hearing "I have til 5!" on Tuesday nights very soon.
Go Sucky: Poor RoH fans. Punk, Cabana, Sydal and now possibly Danielson gone to WWE in a relatively short time. Wait! What's that you say? Of course! Danielson is under contract until May 2009 with RoH, so for him to go to WWE now would require co-operation on the part of RoH management. Not to mention that Danielson has repeatedly denied any interest in going there. Even if he DOES sign, it could be terrible for him and his fans: WWE has a tendency to water down movesets. Right, CM Punk?
News: Jimmy Wang Yang is an idiot
Happy: I'm starting to think that all these Wellness suspensions might be a good thing. For one thing, it gives the media sensationalists some proof that the program is working. It also shows kids who may be looking up to these wrestlers as role models that cheating and taking shortcuts will not work in the long run. Finally, it hits wrestlers where it hurts: the wallet. Even the hardest-core of the dopeheads and roid monkeys will think twice about it if they have to go 2 months without pay.
Go Sucky: Sure, the program works and it dissuades people from shooting up. Then why are people still getting caught? You'd think that, by now, these geniuses would have realised that eventually it will catch up with you. Unless you've had multiple World title runs.
News: TNA contracted worker dies after falling from Slammiversary set.
Happy: I want to preface this by saying that there is never ANYTHING happy about an innocent person losing their life. The only minor positive that one can draw from this is that maybe it will cause TNA and WWE to instigate more safety measures for their workers. Scaffolding is dangerous stuff. We don't know what happened or if something failed, but we do know that another worker was injured, either losing a finger or his whole hand, depending on which report you believe. Hopefully this, combined with the pyro incident at Wrestlemania, will make WWE and TNA realise that the only people taking risks should be the in-ring talent.
Go Sucky: The thoughts and prayers of the 411mania family go out to the family of this man. The crazy part is this: the man died when the scaffolding he was climbing collapsed. The fall is said to have been less than 20 feet. Kind of puts things like Elevation X, Jeff Hardy stunts, and Foley in Hell in a Cell in a whole different light, doesn't it? What are we asking these people to do, these people that entertain us for a living?
News: RoH announces Jerry Lynn and Naomichi Marufuji for upcoming shows.:
Happy: Starting with Lynn. He can still go, and is a recognisable name to semi-serious wrestling fans who haven't checked out RoH yet. A match with McGuinness could be on par with the fabulous Danielson-Lance Storm match from Better than our Best a few years ago.
As for Marufuji coming to Toronto, where I will personally be...
NUMEROUS PURCHASES~!
Marufuji can be awesomeness in a bottle. With gold pants. As if I wasn't stoked enough. I'm turning into a mark for this show.
Go Sucky: I worry that RoH will bring Lynn in regularly, which will decrease the special-ness of the appearances he makes. Nostalgia in small doses is great. In large amounts, it's not nostalgia any more.
With Marufuji, he's not exactly the first choice Japanese talent. The Shiranui is getting tired, he's not as flashy as a KENTA or as markworthy as a Kobashi or Misawa...he'll sell tickets, but this isn't as huge as it could be. Yeah, I'm stretching for a Sucky here.
News: Wrestlemania paid attendance estimated at 63,101 with 11,000 plus comped tickets.
Happy: Yeah, there's a positive to this. In the time of their worst ratings slump in years, WWE still managed to pull over 63,000 to a pay per view with expensive tickets. Of course, the WWE haters, who by and large are TNA fans as well (NOTE: I did NOT say all TNA fans are WWE haters), are doing their best Nelson Muntz impressions at the revelation. 11,000 plus FREE tickets to the biggest show of the year? I'm rapidly starting to like TNA again, but I do have to point out that TNA would kill to have 11,000 people PERIOD at a pay per view, free or paid. Don't even mention the 63,000 who paid for tickets. This is not terrible news for WWE, especially with PPV buys a shade under 1.1 million.
Go Sucky: There's a world of difference between "Not bad news" and "All good news". Spin it how you will, the fact is that WWE had to give away 11,000 tickets to the biggest wrestling show of the year. 20 years ago they sold 93,000. 10 years ago it would have been an unprecedented disaster not to sell out Wrestlemania, and you can bet it would have been lampooned on Nitro the next night. Hell, even 5 years ago this news would have been met with weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. At some point the coin has to drop and someone in WWE has to realise that people aren't gonna pay those type of prices for half-assed wrestling and Playboy Bunny matches.
Rapid Fire!!1!~!!1!!11!
Dr Astin pleads not guilty... Well duh. What's he going to do, admit to it?
TNA announces Chicago as the venue for Bound for Glory...They'd better bring the goods, because Chicago crowds are right up there with Philly, NYC and Toronto for shitting on Russo-isms.
Torrie Wilson's back surgery was successful... They could probably have done spinal work without breaking the skin.
Orton will not need surgery... They can't insert a personality surgically.
Roddy Piper may be getting a new Protégé... He won't buy American. This worked so well last time...but I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
Well folks, that's game, set and match for this abridged and inferior version of the Happy-Go-Sucky News Report. Until next time, may your days be Happy...or Go Sucky!
If you're a good wrestler, you're a good wrestler, whether your moveset is "watered down" or not. If you can't get over without doing your silly indy moves, than you aren't worth shit.
Posted By: Chopper (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 12:40 AM
Amazing Sean O'Haire reference, the E really wasted him :(
Posted By: Emulamaster (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 12:48 AM
The Sean O'Haire reference makes me sad. If they would've really pushed him with that gimmick, it would've been amazing.
Don't think Danielson needs to worry about his moveset being wattered down too much, there doesn't seem to be much tempering of technical moves. We could most definitely see the Cattle Mutilation on Tuesday nights quite soon!
Posted By: Jeremy (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 01:14 AM
NUMEROUS PURCHASES~!
Posted By: Fury (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 01:24 AM
If you're a good wrestler, you're a good wrestler, whether your
moveset is "watered down" or not. If you can't get over
without doing your silly indy moves, than you aren't worth shit
-----
You'd know all about not being worth shit, I'm sure.
Posted By: Amazo The Wizard (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 01:30 AM
Chopper is absolutely right, Who gives a shit if your so damn talented and could put everybody in the locker room to shame! It's like being a pornstar with a 15 inch penus and only being able to show 5 inches! Chopper your so full of shit! Would Petey Williams of gone as over if he didn't have the "Canadian Destroyer"? Gee anybody see the rest of Team Canada lately? If you're a good wrestler you're a good wrestler, but if your a great wrestler who has to wrestle like a good wrestler then that's just B.S! Unfortanately mic skills matter more than ring skills in the WWE. A damn shame because most of the WWE marks have only seen a glimpse that some of the unused talent in the E is capable of!
Posted By: kurruption (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 02:20 AM
Danielson was just collecting a big pay day. Nothing more nothing less.
Posted By: DP (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 05:15 AM
I thought the guy who died was a sub-contractor for another company? And the guy who lost his thumb was contracted with tnA? Or did I read the report wrong?
Posted By: Travis (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 07:40 AM
When did WWF sell 93000 tickets to a Wrestlemania? If you're thinking Mania 3, that number is a work. It was more along the lines of 73000.
Posted By: Steve (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 08:28 AM
"If you're a good wrestler, you're a good wrestler, whether your
moveset is "watered down" or not. If you can't get over
without doing your silly indy moves, than you aren't worth shit."
Posted By: Chopper (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 12:40 AM
I agree with you that a good wrestler doesnt need a moveset to get over but can you honestly say you prefer WWE style clubberin' and no more than 5 actual moves per wrestler every sinlge match?
Posted By: Bolabear (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 09:16 AM
I don't get how people can keep acting like the crew member dying is TNA's fault. This guy worked for an independent company contracted by TNA to build and tear down the set. There was obviously some problem when they were tearing down, but how that can be blamed on TNA is beyond me. Can someone explain? Maybe the headline needs to read more along the lines of: "A We-R-Set-Builders employee fell to his death last night while tearing down a set for a wrestling promotion."
The way the headline is written is making it look like this guy had some connection to TNA, other than simply working for a company that works for TNA.
Posted By: Toddo (Registered) on June 11, 2008 at 10:52 AM
At kurruption who asked if anyone has seen the rest of Team Canada lately:
Um... All of Team Canada, save for one person is still in TNA and doing rather well for themselves. Robert Roode (semi-main eventer, Johnny Divine (former X-division champ, and Team 3D lackie) Eric Young (One of the most over members of the roster, no matter how bad tehy book him.)
I'm not saying your argument about guys being cutoff at the legs by WWE is wrong, but Team Canada may not be the best example to use.
Posted By: Toddo (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 10:57 AM
Besides his suicide dives, there is nothing to take away from Danielson's moveset. If anything, he gets Generic Finisher #1 or 3 (STO, Spinning Neckbreaker, your choice).
Posted By: JA Toro (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 11:14 AM
seriously How many moves did Flair do, How many moves did Austin do, How many moves does Undertaker really do. It's not about knowing every wrestling move and hold, it's about doing them well. and in Fact Danielson from a Kayfabe perspective is a horrible wrestlers.
The Cattle Mutilation is stupid because he can easily get pinned if his opponant leans back and doesn't submit. If your own Finisher has that kind of risk factor you are an idiot. and seriously some of the spots he does look so complicated I roll my eyes and say "Just do a deathlock" he shows off so much It's obvious his matches are scripted cause there is no way an uncooprative opponant would let himself get into those situations.
and frankly mic skills are super important in all wrestling because these guys need to be people guy's want to shake the hands of, Kid's want to grow up to be, and women want to swoon for. It's easy to get bored during a danielson match because he doesn't command presence, but as soon as Vince Mcmahon walks into the building, even though you know he sucks in the ring, you want to watch because by god You hate him!
Posted By: Davy (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 11:42 AM
Hell in a Cell and Elevation X are NOT 20 foot falls.
Posted By: natedoggcata (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 11:42 AM
Last time I check news reports, it was described as 25-30 feets fall, not "less than 20 feet". And this worker get his head hit the concrete floor.
Posted By: L'Mago (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 12:20 PM
"Well, maybe now Vince will realise that we don't want puerile humour, 5-minute matches, watered-down movesets and the same people on the top ALL THE TIME."
That directly reflects why they had to give away 11,000 tickets to Wrestlemania (much moreso than ticket prices). And while it isn't a disaster, it should sound an alarm because it indicates that even diehard fans aren't enthusiastic about the product anymore. We're on the verge of a fullblown renaissance in the women's division, which is great. But the tag ranks and midcard lay in ruins, and the draft may only mean a reshuffling of the roster rather than fundamental changes to make secondary titles mean something. Secondary titles should be the building blocks for creating main eventers. If Umaga started stalking Jericho every week after their excellent Raw IC title match a few weeks back it would make the title seem important. In turn whoever took the title from the winner would look like they accomplished something, rather than merely being booked to win a random match. EVERYTHING we see should stem from retaining gold, winning it, getting a shot at it, or settling a deep grudge over being screwed out of it. Think of it this way: I just described Ric Flair's entire career.
Posted By: Shockmaster (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 01:40 PM
The cattle mutilation is such a lame finisher. It's got a cool name, but really, it's so boring. It requires us to believe the guy is so incapacitated that he has to lay on his stomach, have his arms picked up and then a bridge over. Also, why bridge? The bridge makes it more difficult to apply and maintain. If the recipient simply gets on his knees he could get out of it. CM Punk's anaconda vice was a sick finisher and should have been maintained. The cattle mutilation will be gone if Danielson wants to use it in WWE. If anything, it may be a mid-match move, but not a finisher.
Posted By: Guest#8217 (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 02:06 PM
I'm not knocking Danielson, I'm just saying that if you're a good worker, you should be able to put on a good match regardless of what moves you are allowed to do.
It diminishes the argument that your indy heroes are such superior workers if you're so worried that they won't be able to do their moves. Moves mean shit. If you can work, you can work, regardless of the situation. In fact, a lot of those indy guys HAVE to do those crazy moves and big spots because they wouldn't get over otherwise.
Posted By: Chopper (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 02:39 PM
"It's easy to get
bored during a danielson match because he doesn't command presence,
but as soon as Vince Mcmahon walks into the building, even though you
know he sucks in the ring, you want to watch because by god You hate
him!"
Get the fuck out of here and never come back. That has got to be the most asinine statement I have ever read in my entire life. Ask all the people who switched off Raw Monday how much they love to watch Vince. If you're going to be a dick trying to pick an argument, you can at least come correct and not bring this weak ass shit.
Posted By: MP (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 03:48 PM
You got me on team canada, although I would argue that Petey was the star of that team, and I'd go against calling Eric Young over!
Chopper, superior talent is superior talent regardless! Sure you can command a presence and be good on the mic like hogan in the 80's, but I'll be damned if the purists wouldn't of preferred Randy Savage in those days. Sure you can get over with a diminished moveset, ask CM Punk, but I'll be damned if anyone that has seen what he's truly capable of, is happy with his current run in the WWE!
Posted By: kurruption (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 04:57 PM
"That has got to be the most asinine statement I have ever read in my entire life.
Ask all the people who switched off Raw Monday how much they love to watch
Vince."
How nice of you not to include the millions who DID keep watching.
And the 0.2 to 0.4 that didn't watch Raw this week is still more than an ROH PPV can draw in Canada.
Only true marks think in-ring matters more than character.
Posted By: David Burcham (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 05:59 PM
Alot of WWE talent use the same five maneuvers (IE: Austin, Taker, Kane, Etc.) so not to wear themselves out as they have to perform multiple times a week and doing the same routine over and over is much less strenuous on the body. RVD and Tommy Dreamer both spoke upon their arrivals in WWE how hectic the work schedule is and how much harder WWE's ring is, and how they had to tone down their move sets to adjust a little better so not to injure themselves.
The real answer would be for WWE to stop working their boys so hard so we aren't stuck with wrestlers who look as though they just came out of the development territories.
Posted By: SyNN (Guest) on June 12, 2008 at 03:39 AM
Replace Jericho v HBK and Kennedy v Burchill with Jericho v Kenedy and Burchill v HBK and things might be lookinging a bit better but as it stands its difficult to get the rub from feuding with someone who needs the rub themselves while two largely over stars feud above you on the card.
Posted By: Dr Domino (Guest) on June 12, 2008 at 06:50 AM
Alright kurruption, maybe over was the wrong word, but there are not many TNA stars that get the pop he gets out of the Impact Zone. People love him, especially considering he has been nothing more than a comedy character.
Posted By: Toddo (Wont keep me signed in) (Guest) on June 12, 2008 at 05:20 PM
Re: 5 moves
Yes, Flair was guilty of having a rather limited move set. But compared to someone like Cena who has some weak moves in his arsenal -- Flair looks pretty good. Moves like the 5 knuckle shuffle or the somersault neck breaker are ridiculous looking. Watching the Hardy/Cena match two weeks ago on RAW, I was struck at how stupid the somersault looks. Kick to the midsection, and the guy just stands there(?) hunched over for a few seconds, basically waiting to set up Cena. At least most of Flair's offensive moves made sense or set up the figure 4.
Posted By: Ted (Guest) on June 12, 2008 at 06:17 PM
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Happy: Well, maybe now Vince will realise that we don't want puerile humour, 5-minute matches, watered-down movesets and the same people on the top ALL THE TIME. Seriously, the highlight of last night's Raw was Vince getting RickRolled, and that's a sad state of affairs. Oh, I suppose the Highlight Reel was good, but that whole situation should be Michaels and someone who needs the rub, not Jericho. Jericho himself should be helping get some young star over. 
Go Sucky: I am legitimately worried about Vince McMahon. With rumours starting to circulate that he may not be fully in charge of his mental faculties, and with what we've seen in the recent past, my fear is that he takes this latest blow as a sign that he needs to get crazier. They were beating 3.0 with nothing asking people to watch, so if anything this promotion has caused regulars to turn off and casuals to turn on. Not what you want, because when the contest goes, so do the casuals. Really, what was there last night to make them come back?
