The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 06.13.08

Posted by John Meehan on 06.13.2008

WWE makes a million dollar mistake and I lost my power for two days solid. Tough all over, no?



Hiya folks, and welcome back to your regularly scheduled week-end dose of internet 'rasslin optimism. Last week, DC and suburban Maryland was rocked by a particularly brutal t-storm (read: no power at the MeeHouse), and so I'd like to extend my apologies for having gone AWOL on the Friday FreeThinks at the absolute last second. Turns out that absence makes the hearts of the 411 staffers grow fonder, as my esteemed colleague Jeff Small pointed out in yesterday's news report that there was even the murmurings of an inner-office pool going this week as to whether or not yours truly would actually show up for work today.



Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn't say I've been *missing* it, Bob.

In his defense, of course... Small totally had Mee pegged for a 60% likelihood of arrival for today's regularly scheduled program. And far be it for Mee to disappoint. Additionally, a HUGE thank you to Dustin James for stepping up to the plate and kicking some serious bootay with his late-breaking news coverage in my absence. I totally owe you a pizza, DJ.

Lemme' make it up to y'all with this...

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING WHATSOEVER
But Holy Crap is it Awesome All the Same

NORMALLY I WOULD EMBED A VIDEO RIGHT HERE... BUT THIS PARTICULAR LINK IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! REPEATEDLY!

Now if you skipped it (or are looking for a written explanation as to what all lives in that mystery link above), turns out that world champion chessmaster (and aspiring Russian politico) Gary Kasparov was recently giving a press conference, only to have the thing interrupted by -- and I swear I'm not making this up -- a FLYING PENIS. Who in the blue hell came up with such a prank I'll never know (those commies have a screwed up sense of humor, that's for sure), but I'll be damned if I didn't spit my drink out all over the computer screen the second I received a link to this video earlier in the week.

Funny stuff -- especially with the Apocalypse Now remix. Nowhere near appropriate for viewing in the office, but funny just the same.

Oh right -- WRESTLING NEWS!

I'm not gonna' lie to y'all: there's really not a ton of it this week. But of the stuff that *is* out there, there's some rather sizable items that warrant discussion nonetheless. So I suppose we'll shoot for quality over quantity, right? *(cue comment board trolls in 5-4-3-2...)

Rock & Roll.

RAW Rating Dips Yet Again
Despite "Million Dollar Mania," Show Only Draws a 3.0

Bad, BAD news for WWE this week, as their much-ballyhooed "Million Dollar Mania" sweepstakes couldn't manage to move their Nielsen ratings in any direction but DOWNward. This, of course, comes as both a major surprise and a serious letdown to the powers that be back at WWE headquarters, as it seemed like a promise of free money just for watching a freakin' television show would likely translate to a no-brainer ratings bump in no time. Turns out? Not so much, and so now WWE is forced to eat a big old slice of humble pie (and an expensive one, at that) as they make their way back to the proverbial drawing board and try to figure out what all is in store for their next big trick.

We'll get to that in just a sec... BUT FIRST --

Without ANY sort of doubt, hesitation or apology whatsoever, it most certainly bears noting that WWE is *still* very much far and away THE (long sounding "eee") resident big dog when it comes to major professional wrestling promotions in North America. While a Nielsen rating of a paltry 3.0 for the company's flagship broadcast is nowhere near a "company best" (calling a spade a spade here, it's actually a lot closer to a company worst) -- there's still no denying the fact that RAW is easily and consistently one of the (or more often than not, the single) highest rated shows on all of cable television. Couple that with the relative audience that's regularly seen by such rival promotions as TNA and Ring Of Honor (not to mention the varios indies and spinoff promotions out there), and it's pretty clear that this latest WWE brainfart is nowhere near as "EPIC" a fail as so many of their haters are making it out to be.

Seriously now --

If ratings are all we're going by, and a 3.0 Nielsen is considered an EPIC FAIL (wow, that particular internet meme got old in a hurry)... then wouldn't it stand to reason that your average TNA iMPACT! broadcast (which consistently draws just about a 1.1 Nielsen) is really no more than a "TRIPLE-EPIC-FAIL"?

But that aside --

There's no denying that WWE certainly put a lot of stock in the Million Dollar Mania schtick in hopes that it would bump their ratings back to a comfortable plateau, and so the fact that things didn't quite pan out in their favor is -- like it or not -- most certainly a "failure" in at least one sense of the word. A totally forseeable one, of course ("greater the risk, greater the reward" and all) -- but still a sizable misstep along the way, and one that they would be well advised not to repeat in the near future.

BUT WAIT...

Turns out that Million Dollar Mania will be back in full force this coming Monday night. Well, so much for that "lesson learned and we move on from here" approach, eh? Still... perhaps there's something to be said for giving a program (even a potential stinker) the chance to redeem itself in due time. And heck, with some retooling -- the Million Dollar Mania dealie might just end up making for a fun little summerlong distraction all the same.

But regardless --

The long and short of things is that the Million Dollar Mania schtick simply isn't going to be enough to lure fans to watch a professional wrestling program on its own. As a sideshow to the main attraction? Absolutely no problems whatsoever. But as a stand-alone device designed to draw the largest chunk of your audience to their television screens?

No chance in hell.

First of all, only eight people (or so) are walking out with cash each week. But more to the point, while that's ridiculously GOOD news for those lucky eight (well, save but for the lady who pocketed the $2 booby prize)... it's nowhere near an impetus for the rest of us to keep tuning in on a regular basis. Or to keep buying tickets to live shows, for that matter (a whole lotta' good THAT did for the folks in attendance this week, eh?).

As many have said in the days and weeks prior (and for as ridiculously simple and cliche as it may sound) -- perhaps a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING program might just succeed in snagging itself some viewers (new and old alike) if it spent the effort in broadcasting some quality PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING in lieu of a one-off sweepstakes event that really has absolutely nothing to do with the program itself. I should point out, however, that this is not to get all "technical wrestling RULEZ" fanboy on y'all, of course, nor is it the opportunity to come across as some ridiculously self-important ROHbot who swears that the best wrestling shows are the ones with the strongest in-ring product.

Professional Wrestling is (and really, always HAS been) about so much more than the actual quality of the in-ring matches themselves. From its carnival sideshow origins, this pseudo-sport owes just as much to its spandex, its storylines, its spectacle and its sensationalism as it does to the technical wizardry of the men and women that managed to lend it some semblance of legitimacy over the years.

For every Dynamite Kid, there was always an Andre the Giant.

For every Ricky Steamboat, there was always an Undertaker.

And for every Ric Flair, there was always a Hulk Hogan.

Yes, the technical greats can deliver athletic showcases beyond our wildest imaginations, but there's only so many times a fan can fool himself into excitement over a leglock or a nerve hold that everybody and their brother knows is just about as fake and sensationalist as the ring name or fancified entrance attire of the guy who's applying it in the first place. At the end of the day, it's really just a simple matter of storytelling... and great stories are made by great characters. Not by cheap one-off gimmicks or misguided giveaways.

Professional wrestling lives and dies on the strength of the *characters* we see before us, and on the strength of the *storylines* that these men and women are able to convey. If the characters don't resonate, then their scripted exploits (no matter HOW fanciful) don't really add up to all that much when everything is said and done. We know it's fake, and there's little to no drama or point in rooting for one side to win out over the other one if we don't feel at least some level of vested interest in their fate.

Again, it's cliche and redundant... but if WWE is serious about winning back an audience, then perhaps they need to ease up on the sweepstakes approach, and instead focus their efforts on "rewarding" fans with a quality product that pays off long after the prize money has been squandered by some schmuck with a Rick Astley ringback tone.

---

Jimmy Wang Yang Suspended for 30 Days
Smackdown Talent Fails Wellness Test

One other bit 'o news nuggets this week out of Stamford comes in the form of yet another name added to the list of Wellness-related-suspensions. This week's victim? Jimmy Wang Yang.

Two main things to be learned from this one, if ya' asked Mee:

1) Appearances can be hella-deceiving, ESPECIALLY when dealing with matters of steroids and "performance enhancing supplements." Taking one look at the WWE roster, Jimmy Wang Yang may very well be the one guy you might LEAST expect to be selling out to the needle... especially when you consider the fact that he's surrounded by such freakishly huge counterparts like Dave Batista, John Cena, and The Undertaker. Regardless, the guy wound up running afoul of WWE's Wellness initiative -- which seems to be a pretty solid indicator that there really is no one true visual indicator of which body types one can ever really peg as assuredly "performance enhanced." I mean heck... just look at William Regal! Or Chavo Guerrero, for that matter.

2) Love it or hate it (and decry its backstage politics and/or double standards all you will), but the bottom line is that the Wellness Initiative is -- without a doubt -- still very much alive and well within the lockerrooms of World Wrestling Entertainment. Though Yang is nowhere near the radar of "high profile" stars that the company would look to turn into a sacrificial lamb just for the sake of proving that their substance policy is on the up-and-up, it's a VERY good thing to see that WWE isn't strictly relegating their drug testing ("scapegoating"?) to those mid-to-up-and-coming-level-stars who are merely being busted to keep the resident big dogs in the clear. If anything, Yang's suspension is just further proof that NOBODY in a WWE lockerroom is immune to the policy and its repurcussions... because in all honesty, it's probably more work to suspend a guy at his level than it is to simply can him outright. Again, it's hardly a perfect system -- but at least there is a system in place.

Which reminds Mee...

I'm still waiting to see how that much-espoused TNA drug testing policy ever turned out, by the way. Pretty wild how WWE stars ranging from World Champions (Orton, Edge, Chavo, Morrison) to rising title threats (Hardy, Kennedy, Regal) to jobbers (Funaki, Snitsky, Yang) can get pinched for doping left and right while we've still yet to see so much as ONE drug-related suspension out of Orlando, wouldn't you say?

TNA Crew Member Killed in Scaffold Collapse
Tragedy Strikes After Sunday's PPV

Heartbreaking news out of TNA this week, as TNA crew member Kevin Sinex fell to his death in a scaffold collapse shortly after the Slammiversary pay per view went off the air. A second TNA crew member lost his thumb in the collapse.

I know this is usually the point where I try and put a positive spin on things, but there really is nothing that can be said to make this most unfortunate of realities any less difficult for all parties involved -- save but for the fact that at least it did not occur during the live portion of the broadcast. For those of us wrestling fans old enough to remember watching WWF's Over the Edge pay per view in 1999, clearly one wrestling show forever marred by a nearly-televised, in-ring fatality is more than enough to last us a lifetime.

I hope I speak for the entire 411 community in extending my thoughts and prayers to the entire Sinex family and TNA production crew in this most difficult of times. Not to mitigate or distract from the very real and very tragic nature of this news, but perhaps this situation might cause the company to rethink their position on reviving the increasingly dangerous Elevation X scaffold-style match in the future. There are enough job-related risks involved with being a part of the industry the way it is, and there is absolutely no reason to risk the lives, healths or wellbeings of performers and technicians for any unnecessary reason beyond that.


And With That, I'm Outta' Here

To those of y'all celebrating Father's Day this Sunday, enjoy every second of it. In the immortal words of John Cena -- "call your folks, 'tell 'em you tight now / 'cuz everything lookin' pretty good right now". I hope y'all have a great weekend, and do feel free to join Mee in wishing an extra-special "HAPPY FATHER'S DAY" shoutout to the patriarch of the Meehan clan. Not only is my pops a loyal reader, he's also one hell of a guy and as great a father and a friend as anyone could ever ask to have. Here's to you, Dad... and to all of the dads out there to boot. Stay healthy, stay strong, and always stay positive.

- Meehan

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : [phone]-SAFE.