Tim's Take 06.24.08: Love Equals Death

Posted by Tim Livingston on 06.24.2008

With tomorrow being the anniversary of the findings of the bodies of Chris, Nancy and Daniel Benoit, I take a look at the things that led to the horrible situation that has left an ugly scar on the already ugly world of professional wrestling.

This is going to be somewhat of an unofficial corollary to the Michael Beyer's fantastic column that he wrote last Thursday. This is that column and I hope you guys check it out. His review of "Ring of Hell" is really well done and pretty well in depth.

When the whirlwind events took place roughly a year ago at this time, I was one of the people who was overwhelmed with emotion. Chris Benoit was someone who I looked to as a semblance of balance between that which was good and bad within wrestling; respected highly, his presence on a WWE show was refreshing after being presented with bland act after bland act, and because he took everything so seriously, he made sure that the show was good enough not just for the fans, but for him and everyone else involved in the match as well. What happened in that 36 hour period from Vengeance 2007 to just after the west coast edition of RAW went off the air was both mind-awakening and mind-numbing at numerous times.

I remember after hearing about Benoit not being on the show for "personal problems" that I thought it was very strange how it all took place. No mention of anything like it in Benoit's past at all. He was always there for a show unless he was forced not to be there, mainly because of injury. Of course, when I found out the next day what had happened, I was absolutely floored. There was no way that something like that would ever cross my mind when it came to a situation like that, no matter what the circumstances were. I remember watching the RAW special and crying a bit when I saw him win the title. For me, watching it live as it happened during WrestleMania XX was absolutely amazing. I remember yelling at the TV making the "tap" gesture to Triple H, with my friends (who were rooting for Michaels and Triple H, respectively) pulling the other way. Triple H losing was extremely satisfying for me, as him tapping out was basically like telling all the Internet fans "Yep, that's me tapping to your beloved favorite wrestler" while simultaneously symbolizing the ascension of Benoit to the top of the wrestling world as opposed to one of those that came out of the 6'3+, 250 lb.+ mold that had been so prevalent in WWE for the longest time.

Yet, once RAW ended and I came back down to read up on the updates, the news that hit me right after was, for all intents and purposes, the most surprising news regarding a human being that I had ever encountered. Never once in my head did I think someone like Benoit would do what he did, and never once did I believe that he would do it in such a manner that would leave such a vile taste in your mouth. Someone who had prided himself in discipline and honor, and had done so much to ensure that professional wrestling be carried out in such a manner, decided that thanks to something in his head, he believed that he had to kill his wife, his son and then ultimately himself to be at peace.

That is when the juggling of emotions and feelings began.

I didn't take sides right away. I was someone who wanted to wait out on the evidence and figure things out on my own. No way was I going to make accusations or go out on a limb on anything. Of course, when the media got involved, it just muddied the waters further, with many media outlets really trying to push the theatrics (what a surprise, right?) as opposed to trying to figure out what would cause this to happen. When they did do that, they did it in such a condescending manner that any and all attempts to rationalize either side of an argument just didn't occur, leaving way more questions than answers, and, of course, making sure that while things were still over the top in any and all ways. Because when you and I think "reliable wrestling source," we think "Former disgruntled WWE employee Marc Mero." Although I do have to say that seeing Dave Meltzer on TV as basically the go-to-guy in that situation was somewhat amusing, even if he has been one of the biggest wrestling journalists in the Internet era.

With a year to look back on what has happened since the tragedy and with some of the newer pieces of evidence shining through a bit, you really don't have a clear picture still to this day. You don't have a motive. You don't have a reasonable explanation. You have leads and assumptions, but this is still somewhat unproven. While the police did come up with the explanation for how they thought it occurred, it's still isn't clear as to why it happened. That's the thing with something as twisted and bizarre as this: there needs to be a reason or reasons as to why this happened. Thankfully, some things have come to the attention of many (some obvious, and some not) that might have shed some light on this crazy situation.

First and foremost was the issue of steroids. The media was not afraid to ham that part of it up, citing Benoit's chiseled physique and aggressive manner in the ring as the main thing that drove the man to do the horrible acts he committed. I'm going to make this perfectly clear: there is NO doubt in my mind that steroids contributed to this. Maybe not so much immediately as it did over the course of a long period of time, but you can't describe the situation without it in the equation, period. Benoit has been a steroid user since he was a teenager, and his use continued over the course of over 20 years. Might not be the main cause of it, but it was definitely part of the equation. Why?

Going back to his teenage years (as documented in the recent book "Ring of Hell") Benoit had a fondness for weight lifting, mainly because he was a small kid for his age. His love for wrestling, especially the Dynamite Kid, pushed him to get bigger and bigger. Unfortunately, he was pushed to steroids as a way to get to that goal faster. This would be during some main stages of growth, and the steroid use could definitely have adverse effects. He never had any issues with "roid rage" but after getting a chance to wrestle for Stampede Wrestling and hanging out with his idol, he did get a feeling of what he thought wrestling was supposed to be like, mainly from Dynamite. There was just one problem with that, and that is cited in the next point I'm going to make.

Dynamite Kid was a sociopathic asshole who had major issues basically from the get go. Benoit definitely took the path Dynamite did to become successful. Being a smaller guy, he worked out maniacally to get into the best shape possible, even if he was destroying himself long term with the use of steroids. Benoit though, in my estimation, was better off than Dynamite was, as when Dynamite was using steroids, he wasn't able to use other balancing drugs to counter the side effects of steroids. Thanks to the always-advancing world of performing enhancing drugs, Benoit was able to use the steroids along with the supporting drugs to create the cocktail that would try and push the beneficial aspects of the steroids while keeping the negative effects somewhat at bay.

Now, while Kid's wrestling views might have rubbed off on Benoit a bit, it was mainly inside the ring where it all happened. His wrestling style was like Dynamite 2.0, streamlined for the new wrestling crowd. However, behind the scenes, he was seen as someone who was very astute, very nice, very inviting, and, most of all, he was very respectful to everyone (well, except Kevin Sullivan, but that's a different story) so the idea of him going crazy and killing somebody just didn't fit well. This is why there had to be something that got to him, and while steroids were a factor, it couldn't have been the whole story. That is where the idea of the brain damage comes in.

The dementia aspect is the key here, at least to me, it is. At least to the Nowinski foundation it is. At least to the concussion specialists who studied Benoit's brain abnormalities and realized that the amount of brain damage that had built up over the years was colossal, and because of it, can lead to dementia-like tendencies. Those tendencies include dysfunction of normal brain processes that can lead to obscure and possibly violent ideas popping into your head so much that you intend on believing them because of elongated bouts of depression.

This, of course, is benign to the folks of WWE. In their eyes, nothing was completely wrong with Benoit before, and there was nothing about it that could have possibly been their fault.

Not so fast.

Once again, I'd like to remind you, the reader, that I'm not at all placing anyone at total fault. This false idealism that one thing caused all this to happen is pretty suspect in the first place, and gets people nowhere.

The mantra of Vince McMahon since the dawn of Hulk Hogan was to push wrestling mainstream, and with Hogan, the idea of larger than life stars who fans would clamor to see. In the minds of many, this started the domino effect of companies putting forward their own larger than life stars in order to keep up. Soon after the fall of the UWF, the Ultimate Warrior became a part of the fold in the WWF, and muscle bound stars such as Sting and Lex Luger appeared in the NWA, with Luger supposedly slated to be the next Hulk Hogan, being pushed way too fast for his own good and then ultimately becoming one of the biggest underachievers the sport had ever seen.

Meanwhile, guys like Ricky Steamboat and Bret Hart hadn't gotten a fair shake at the time of Hulkamania's meteoric rise, and instead put in place a template for what McMahon and others thought would be a success: push the big superhero types, let the little guys play down below. Of course, while the political nature of the WWF at the time forced Steamboat out thanks to Hogan's supposed paranoia about him showing up the main event with Randy Savage, he would instead head to the NWA to have a fantastic feud with Ric Flair. Hart would toil as part of the Hart Foundation before fate intervened and McMahon had to keep the low profile thanks to the Steroids Trial. This led to him pushing smaller, athletic type wrestlers to appease the viewing public that he wasn't all about the muscle-bound bodies. Ironically, one of the wrestlers he had been battling with before the Trials would wind up being a World Champion under him in Ric Flair. But regardless of that, there was still a merit to the old tried and true formula of the Big Guys = success formula.

This is where the idea of smaller guys like Benoit and Eddy Guerrero come into play.

Eddy, at 5'8" if he was lucky, was definitely a small guy when he got to the big leagues with AAA in Mexico, and before he became a part of the U.S. wrestling scene, you could gradually see that he would get bigger and bigger throughout his career. While he was muscular, he was more physically streamlined in WCW and WWE than he was earlier in his career, with him basically ballooning to about 230 lbs. during his days in WWE. It's interesting to show that while someone like Guerrero was just the same at about 210-215 lbs. in Mexico that he felt the need to gain that extra 15 pounds.

Benoit, on the other hand, was built like a small tank basically from the get go. His older matches with the Wild Pegasus mask really shows just how muscular he had become, as his 5'10" frame carried anywhere from 220 lbs. at its lightest to 240 lbs. at his highest (which as in WCW). The change is noticeable, but not so much that you all of a sudden think less of him. So in essence, the bigger is better mantra in wrestling pushed guys like this to really think about getting bigger, even if there wasn't much to add on to in the first place. WWE officials have consistently stated that they don't support steroids in the public eye. Of course, those who have any common sense know that it's the very opposite. Rey Mysterio was 150 lbs. in WCW, and all of a sudden, when he hits WWE, he's up to 175 lbs. That's a pretty dicey way to support the idea of non-steroid users.

Benoit's drive for the business also contributed a lot to his death, and was the basis for all arguments in that manner. The numerous high risks he took with the diving headbutts, the dangerous bumps and a lot of unprotected chairshots took numerous years off his life. What was strange about this was that while we all were loving this style that he brought, Benoit himself might have loved it more. He was a noted perfectionist in the ring, and he was always pushing himself to be that way. There are stories about how he'd put on a good match that everyone else loved, but he would find something wrong about it, pin it on himself, and then punish himself with Hindu squats. On a related note, the story of him forcing Shawn Daivari to do 500 Hindu squats that led to him peeing blood, among other things, takes on a whole different side of the story than from when we first heard it. While we were in awe of Benoit's legendarily hard workout sessions, we seem to forget that perhaps that hard style led to his eventual descent. This is also a man who, when his brain was analyzed, had the brain composition not unlike an 85-year-old Alzheimer's patient. Love might push some to death, but this might have been a bit too much.

We also have to put into context what the death of Eddy Guerrero did to him. Ever since then, people figured that he would be broken up about it, but I don't think anyone thought Benoit would continue to be distraught about it leading to the day of his death. There's also the somewhat taboo subject surrounding why Benoit might have done so in the first place: his love for Eddy was so strong that he chose to take his own life so that he could be with him. I personally see that as a side effect of the dementia-like abnormalities that clouded his brain, but nonetheless, the thought process was there. There has been recent news that said he kept the last voicemail that Eddy ever left him on the house telephone, which might be another piece in this giant puzzle, pushing forward the notion that Eddy's death sped up the depression that eventually sank in and made Benoit commit his heinous acts.

For all intents and purposes, Chris Benoit took it upon himself to push himself harder and harder in a business that was perceived to be fake, a business in which he had been a lifelong fan of and a business in which he was portrayed as one of its most "real" stars. In the long run, the scope of his career will be looked at completely differently in retrospect than it was when we were viewing it in real time. His accomplishments that were so readily acclaimed by many are now admonished my almost all, and because of that, the respect of a man falls because of his dedication to his craft.

His life should be viewed as a microcosm of the world of professional wrestling. He pushed the envelope of a fake sport (which he did) he pushed himself to be one of the best performers in that business (which he was) and he pushed himself right over the edge because of it. The factors in his life led to debilitating physical and personal issues that were never resolved, only worsened, and it was done solely for the business that he put a lot into, and didn't get nearly enough back. Chris Benoit literally died for the business that he loved, but he died in such a way that we really can't love him back. His unforgivable actions should be viewed as cumulative effect from numerous different things, physically, mentally and personally that led him to his eventual demise. I can't look at him the same way, and I shouldn't. There is no way it should become something that I just put aside. The faults of many led to the unbelievably horribly fault of one.

A year later, looking back on it still makes me sad.