The Thursday Small-For-All News Report: 07.31.08

Posted by Jeff Small on 07.31.2008

How you doin', Dave?

Greetings, salutations, evening bitches. Welcome back to another insightful [Insert Word]-For-All News Report. You can fill in the blank with Small, of course. At times, Khali fits in there quite nicely. Hell, I would even let you call this report the Brawl-For-All News Report. But today, there's only one name you can label this report. Without a doubt, today it's the Adamle-For-All News Report.!

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Keep waiting…

Yes, yes…

Jamaican Me Crazy!!!

[Insert Meehan Banner Here]

Ah fuck. Oh well.

WHAMMY!!!!


Sponsored by Midway Games.

Sure the above is a monumental letdown. But fear not, because the day will come when I will learn how to use Photoshop. Or I will just bribe Meehan again (he likes Tom Clancy novels). For the time being, the above is all we have and frankly I'm okay with it. Even after all of these years. Yes, it's officially been a year of the Small-For-All banner! May I have a round of applause? No. Yes, I know I'm already stretching for material. Yikes.

In today's report, we take a look at the week in Adamle, laugh at Ashley Massaro's newest My Space blog, go into in-depth on the newest member of WWE Creative, and report on anything that's happening in TNA (and surprisingly, there is a decent amount of TNA news)! If only there was an update on the Great Khali…


NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

Good Thing I've Always Been a Chevy Kind of Guy

The big news this week is Mike Adamle's ascension from third-rate play-by-play announcer into the greatest GM Raw has ever seen. For those who missed it, here's the video:



I know, I know, "How you doin', Dave?" might go down as the greatest one-liner in the history of the WWE. The look on John Cena's face was priceless seeing as his life will now be fucked with. Personally, I don't feel bad for Cena. He had a chance to go to Tijuana with Adamle and Gemini and he blew it. Batista, on the other hand, had every right to be pissed. There goes his #1 contender's shot every two months (for why else does he have a shot at winning 411's Wrestler of the Year?).

Of course, reaction to GM Mike Adamle has been mixed. You have people like me who are perfectly fine with it seeing as in the past, the WWE has taken mediocre role players (Vickie Guerrero and Teddy Long) and have turned them into good GMs. Plus, it gets Adamle out of the announce table which is a blessing. On the flip side, there are people who are quite pissed about this. Most notably, this guy (NSFW):



Even better than our reaction to the news was the live crowd's reaction. Seriously, could they have gone any milder? I've attended a few events in Washington DC before and trust me, the crowd could have been a whole lot hotter for Mike's introduction. Who's to blame there? Why Adamle himself. Because according to the main page, "Mike Adamle pretty much revealed himself as the new RAW GM to the live crowd last night before he was supposed to. As soon as Shane McMahon's music hit, Adamle got up from the announcer's table and grabbed a mic. He was then told to sit down and wait until Shane announced him as the GM. This gave away the surprise to many in the crowd."

Oh Adamle, you rapscallion. Perhaps the WWE should have given him the GM position on Smackdown where at least they could edit his segments. Or maybe this is Vince McMahon's goal: to mess with each and every one of us. Only time will tell.

Rey Mysterio was Punk'd!

According to the Wrestling Observer, "The original plan was for Punk to go heel and win the Money in the Bank later this year. The suggestion for Punk to win the title the way it went down at first didn't go over well, but the arguments were made that since the company decided on a youth movement, Punk is the guy to push more than anyone else. The argument is that Punk was more popular than he should have been given his push and that he sells far more merchandise than someone in his position should. Ever since Vince green lighted Punk winning the title, suddenly everyone in creative is 100% backing him.

HHH behind the scenes is not a supporter of his dating back to his arrival in the company, and has joked that they now need to turn Michaels heel so Punk can have someone who can work him through a world title match. The Punk not looking strong is part of the Vince directive. Vince believes that Punk as a babyface always clinging onto the belt against "better" guys will cause fans to get behind him in the long run. It was the same idea he had with Mysterio, which in hindsight, most feel was a big mistake, but Vince was also never behind Mysterio as anything but a transitional champion at that time."

Ah the dreaded phrase "transitional champion" has once again reared its ugly head. What the news piece fails to mention is that Mysterio needed knee surgery shortly after winning the World Heavyweight Championship which almost led to a second JBL title reign. Sure Mysterio could not have a lasting reign if he soon needed to take time off. Of course, you can go all Al Pacino on me and say "Why did the WWE book him to win the title if they knew he needed surgery?" but the answer is something you already know.

As for the news on Punk, kudos to Vince for settling on a youth movement. I think we all can agree that Raw has been much less stale since Punk has won the title. Granted a lot of that is due to Triple H's move to Smackdown and other new talent (Kofi, D'lo, and even Jaime Noble), but Punk deserves some credit. He got over with a half-hearted push and has assimilated well within the main event scene.

Lastly, if Triple H wants HBK to turn heel to work with Punk, I'm all for it. While I do not think Punk needs his hand held through a World Title Match (even though the WWE has no faith in him yet), a Shawn Michaels vs. CM Punk feud would keep Raw fresh through the fall season.

Fun With Ashley's Blog

Oh I know many of you are going to love this (right Kegger?)…

From Ashley's MySpace page, "The meds are working! FINALLY!! So happy what a hug weight off my shoulders. I cant tell you how rough it was for awhile butt hings are looking up punkers!! I shoud be back o your television screens in no time! I miss you terribly and want to thank everyone ho showed support and love during this hard time. I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I OVE YA!!!!
So much to tell you but its a surprize!!!!!!!"

I think the first statement sums up things quite nicely. Here's what I don't understand: Ashley posts this sob story how her daughter is sick and she needs to be released from her contract. A week later, she edits the post to say that only family member was sick. Now there's no mention of any sickness except for that she is on medication! Is Ashley some sort of idiot savant or just a drug addict? I'll let you decide.

Scooby Doo is Coming to the WWE

From ProWrestling.net, "WWE officially announced that Freddie Prinze Jr. has joined the WWE creative team. "Freddie Prinze, Jr.'s passion, energy and creativity make him an excellent fit for WWE," Vince McMahon said in a statement published by WWE.com."

USA Network vice president Chris McCumber also got in on the fun by stating: "Bringing on board an experienced Hollywood writer, actor and producer like Freddie Prinze, Jr. will only increase the level of entertainment to millions of viewers and passionate WWE fans every Monday on USA."

You do realize that the only reason Prinze got the job was because Vince wants to make out with his wife, Sarah Michelle Gellar, on national television. Deep down, I think the only reason why Vince bought WCW was to make out with Torrie Wilson (which he proceeded to do during her first appearance)!.

As for Prinze, it's been well documented that he is a huge fan of the WWE. He's had a blog on WWE Fan Nation, been to countless live shows, and even, purchases PPVs legally! Someone get this man a writer's chair! While the positives (he knows the product) outweigh the negatives (he starred in Wing Commander), one must wonder what sort of impact (if any) he will have on the WWE's storylines.


What's Freddie thinking of? Why the Great Khali of course! Oh wait, that's just me.

Quick N Dirty News (Just like your mother)

From all the usual sources:

ECW is moving to Mondays. No wait it's staying on Tuesday. Well, actually it might be moving at a later date.
How hard is it to say you have no fucking idea what's happening with ECW! Stop wasting my time each week!

In September, ECW on Sci-Fi is moving to a 9pm timeslot.
Are you sure?

A fan is suing the WWE for damages stemming from falling down the bleachers after a railing gave way.
I guess we can say that was an EPIC FALL.

Stephanie McMahon-Levesque and Triple H welcomed their second child, Murphy Clair Levesque, on Monday.
Being 411's Perez Hilton, I have already uncovered a picture of Triple H's new child.




NEWS FROM O-TOWN

Diary of a Mad Angle Woman

On the main page, you can find the trailer for Kurt Angle's upcoming reality show entitled "The Real Angle." Over the course of the trailer, we learn that Vince McMahon is the Devil (no surprise), TNA saved his life (duh), he's still training for MMA (how exciting) and he had an affair with some chick who then threatened to kill his wife… Wait, what now?

Yes, our Olympic Hero is an unfaithful womanizer. But with whom? Seeing as the affair must have taken place during his time with the WWE, my first thought was a co-worker. Sadly I was wrong. Seeing as I was not the only one interested in who was knocking boots with Mr. Angle, ProWrestling.net uncovered that the woman's name was Deann Siden. Siden, in fact, was arrested in 2003 for stalking the Angles. In fact, Siden believed that Kurt's child was hers and wanted him to take responsibility. At that time, Kurt pleaded his innocence by saying he never had a relationship with her. And really who could blame him? For Kurt, abstinence was just as important as the Three I's. He was even in the Olympic Heroes for Abstinence group (which I still think is on Facebook)!

Now, we know that the lady was telling at least part of the truth. But then again, this is the same woman who was also accused of stalking Ric Flair. I'm not sure how she does it, but Siden really knows her champions.

Trouble In Paradise

From the main page, "Tomko finished up with TNA over the weekend. Tomko is done with the company because he was having issues with the creative team. He often turned down ideas and didn't work with the company, so the decision was made to part ways with him.

Dustin Runnels is also done with TNA. The company decided that they had nothing creatively for him. The door is open to use him in the future though.

Kevin Nash clashed with management at the Impact taping last night over the finish to the Gauntlet match that will air next week. Nash ended up leaving the taping, but things have apparently blown over and he is still with TNA."

It's a shame to see Tomko leave as up until his de-push, he was very over with the Orlando crowd. Tomko has improved by leaps and bounds since his WWE days and I would not be surprised if he winds up back with McMahon. As for Dustin Runnels, I'm hoping it's time for him to hang up his boots. His run as Black Reign was the drizzling shits. Lastly, I'm not really sure what the commotion was with Kevin Nash. After reading the spoilers for next week's show, there's no mention of a Gauntlet match nor is he even in the main event (an eight man tag). I'm guessing the final segment was rewritten when he took his ball and his one good leg and went home.

COMING ATTRACTIONS

Quite shockingly, there's no new news on the Great Khali. I guess when it rains, it pours. Until next week…

Meehan, I need a new banner.

For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!