Wrestling’s 4R’s 8.01.08: THE ADAMLE Rules Over Raw, Poor Colin, Why Sting Why, Vickie is EVIL and More!

Posted by Larry Csonka on 08.01.2008

We’re one week away from the day the 4R’s change forever!



How the 4R's of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 4R's. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~! This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.

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08.08.08: The Day the 4R's Change Forever!


In HD where available…


By: Larry Csonka

iMpact 7.24.08:

The Right:

32:00: I'd like to think we all know the drill by now. TNA is supposed to be the alternative, they try to be different, and they claim to be the wrestling promotion. So I am their conscience, their wrestling stopwatch. Each and every week I keep track of the time of wrestling on the show, and discuss it here. This week we got 32:00 of wrestling, which gets a right from me. It could always be more, and God knows we need less Prince Justice Bullshit. But there was some good wrestling on this show, the main event and tag strap matches shining this week. YAY TNA!

Matt Morgan vs. Trevor Chavis: TNA obviously wants to push Matt Morgan. He has the size, the look, and Jim Cornete is very high on him. So right now they have decided to go the "Morgan kills men" squash route. It's a classic, so why not? Morgan killed young Trevor Chavis last week and looked great doing so. Whether they can properly push him and if Morgan can deliver on all of his "potential" is another story entirely; but for now it is so far and so good.

Strap Match: The Motor City Machineguns (Sabin and Shelley) vs. Beer Money (Storm and Roode) w/Miss Jackie Moore: Two tag teams that I enjoy tremendously faced off this week. And while I complain about too many gimmick matches, this one at least made sense wince Beer Money had attacked and strapped the Guns previously. They had a really fun match, no commercial interruption and got over 8-minutes to do their thing. The Guns did lose, but they controlled most of the match and only lost due to the heels being heels and cheating. There is nothing wrong with that. Overall this was a really fun match, good comedy as well as sound spots with the straps. LAX, Beer Money and The Guns on the outside are three great teams to build the division around.

My favorite spot now in Beer Money matches are when they do the double suplex spot, pop up and yell:

STORM: BEER!
ROODE: MONEY!

God that is so great. I love those guys. BEER MONEY…YAY!

Tag Team Tables Elimination Match: AJ Styles, Christian Cage and Rhino vs. Kurt Angle and Team 3D (Brother Ray and Brother Devon): Impact's main event was the big elimination tables match. They got a lot of time, over 12-minutes and they only took one commercial break, which worked out well. I really enjoyed the match, the eliminations were spaced rather well, lots of fun spots and a great moment when a dude yelled out, "PUT HIM IN A BODY BAG~!" Awesome. AJ got to play the hero as he had the numbers against him survived and was set to win again, but once again like the PPV Trigg screwed him over; allowing Angle to get another tainted win. Again this was a fun match, not as good as the PPV but a really good TV main event. Frank Trigg screws AJ again, which should lead to his wrestling debut down the line. By the way, does anyone else think that they are working backwards? Full Metal Mayhem and then a tables match? Are we going to revert all the way back to thumb wrestling between AJ and Kurt, with Karen at stake?

JOE, BOOKER and STING? I have to say that while I am not crazy about them jumping to the weapons filled cage match at Hard Justice (I still believe that if you are going to have an all cage match PPV, that you should, you know, NOT DO CAGE MATCHES until then) I have enjoyed the build between Joe and Booker, as well as the teases of Sting. Sure many are complaining that it is too "n.W.o era WCW" as we guess which side Sting is on, but it is interesting me right now and makes me feel that they are headed towards a Joe vs. Sting match. The tease with AJ in his interview, being on Sting's side and believing in him is a nice touch as well. I have said that I don't mind Joe running through Booker, Nash and Sting to earn "credibility" so to speak, as long as it leads to Joe vs. Angle, AJ and others that will deliver as far as good match quality goes. The end of the show with the lights, music and then Booker standing over a fallen Joe as Booker held the bat I thought came off well, and that's good enough for me.

purgatory:

Taylor and the Knockouts…: Taylor Wilde made Velvet Sky her BITCH last week on Impact. She defeated her TWO TIMES in 25-seconds, and this was fun stuff. Angelina Love was OFFENDED by this and offered up $5,000 for Wilde to come back and face off with Sky yet again. She did, the heels were heels, we got a longer match and in the end the heels cheated, drew a DQ and beat down Wilde. The Beautiful People brown bagged her, which led to ODB and Kim making the save. Unfortunately I feel that the direction of the division has become unfocused recently. Roxxi gets her head shaved, and instead of being a big face for the division, she is pushed to the side while Wilde is brought in to be the new champion. What is even worse is that when it came time for the save, Roxxi was NOWHERE to be seen. That's criminal. They took Kong off of TV with no explanation, not even something simple like Saeed is having her train with tigers to get her back to being a killing machine. Right now we have a cluster, and are headed towards a 6-8 Knockout match at the PPV, which could work itself out, but the overall title picture is a mess. I hope that D'Amore's departure won't hurt the division, but right now they have some growing pains.

Consequences Creed vs. Eric Young vs. Jimmy Rave w/Lance Rock vs. Johnny Devine: The first match last week on Impact was an X-Division 4way battle. The match was your basic multi-man X-Division special, they all worked hard but it will have already been forgotten by the time you're reading this. I will say that is was fun while it lasted. My only problem is that this was essentially a #1 contender's match (not official, but they are going with Creed vs. Petey), and as most TNA contender's matches and tournaments, it was WAY too short. It boiled down to a bunch of stuff, Rock getting involved and then the finish. To make people care about a contender, these matches need time to develop and make people feel that the winner earned the victory. That's my opinion anyway.

KAREN'S ANGLE: Karen's Angle debuted this week on Impact, a new "talk show" segment that is supposedly going to air each week. In theory it isn't a bad idea, it keeps Karen away from Kurt and AJ for now, and COULD be an interesting addition to advance angles. Kaz was the first guest on the show, and he discussed his start in the business, his WWE run (without saying WWE) and the business as a whole. It was a fine debut overall. But my main issues is that they had announced that Kaz asked for his release and that he would address that here. He didn't, it was a tease for the next week. Teasers are fine, but not delivering on the initial promise sucks.

Sheik Abdul Bashir: TNA ran a promo for the newly signed Daivari, only he isn't Daivari anymore, he is Sheik Abdul Bashir. I'll touch on that later. The video package was pretty good and Sheik Abdul Bashir showed a lot of promise in the package from a promo standpoint. The best part is that there is a lot of truth to what he said, and that always makes it good. Now I understand the need town names and such but I hate when a promotion debuts a guy and then weeks later changes the name. It causes confusion to some, and they really need to avoid doing that. The same goes for WWE. Example: Matt Sydal to Evan Bourne, Atlas Ortiz to Ricky Ortiz.

The wrong:

Sonjay and Val…: I am trying, but I just find it hard to get into the angle. For the most part I have been sour on it since the actual wedding, which was horrible. The follow up "brawl" at the Pink Taco was also horrendous. While I feel that Dutt is doing well in his heel persona, there is nothing here to make me care or want to see another match. I want to care, I think both guys are fun performers, but the angle as a whole does nothing for me. I hope that it changes and soon.

The Ridiculous:

The Prince Justice Brotherhood of Bullshit! I just don't care. Instead of trying to rebuild the X-Division, TNA is perfectly content in creating and shoving comedy figures down out throat. In small doses Sharky is fun. In small doses Super Eric is fun. Curry Man rules the world. But I have NO desire to see a comedy stable of these guys that will likely get set up with Abyss down the line. Come on TNA, let's try to rebuild one of the things that made people enjoy your product, the X-Division. Comedy is fine in short doses, but it doesn't help the overall product like a viable X-Division would.

DEAR MIKE AND DON… SHUT THE HELL UP!

Love,
Larry

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By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks

WWE SmackDown 7.25.08

Wow, a month. The two men for whom I've worked for basically my entire near decade-long tenure in Los Angeles resigned from my company, there was a straight up murder in the parking garage across the street from my work, we had a 5.5 earthquake while I was 36 stories in the sky at work, there's a coyote roaming my neighborhood, I witnessed a purse-snatching at the next table at The Abbey and I saw the incomparable Jonny Lang at the House Of Blues last night. DAMN. I'm exhausted…but we have a job to do, so let's get this donkey show on the road!

Your referee…is Bronco Lubich.

The Right:

Hell hath no fury over a woman scorned: Ya almost got that Right, Vickie.

Bottom line, Vickie re-instated The Undertaker and stuck Edge in a Hell In The Cell match at SummerSlam, giving us a hell of an undercard match that will, in all likelihood, well overshadow the WWET match. It appears as if we're turning Vickie face as a result of Edge's infidelity, and bringing back Taker appears to be the only way to accomplish that amazing feat (although if this means I no longer am able to revel in my "ExCUSE me…EXCUSE ME!" I'm gonna be pissed!). Edge got Vickiekins in the ring and made up a huge pile of shit in an attempt to avoid a fate such as he was dealt when La Moo-Moo-Cita failed to buy it. He was great here as he lied to his wife's face. "What that video didn't show was how many times I said no! So, why, then, did I not just leave?" Here especially was he awesome, because his expression and body language was saying, "Hold on…I thought of that, too!"

Now I suppose, in the coming weeks leading to the PPV, we'll see Edge attempting to rally THE RMY behind him, but Vickie's power as GM will influence THE EDGEHEADS, Chavo and Bam against him, leaving him without an ally…although, how can they turn THE EDGEHEADS face…? And, of course, we have the impending return of Taker to look forward to, as well, although I have a suspicion that we'll get the typical flickering lights and voice-over intimidation tactics, Taker actually not showing his face till SummerSlam. All in all, this has been a hell of an entertaining and fun program and I'll be sad to see it wind up.

When booking works: I'm surprising myself here, placing the match between EDGEHEAD Curt Hawkins and Festus in the Right section, because my disgust with our new WWETTCs' "abilities" is a well-exacerbated point here in The R's. However, the manner in which they're being handled is fantastic, old school Southern booking. Take a shitty team everyone hates, either because they're crap in the ring, or because of their despicable affiliation (both work in this regard), drop the belts on them and pit them against a much better and beloved team like Jesse & Festus, display the latter team to be superior and score some non-title/singles victories over the former team and lead to the big title match, where the faces either go over in victory, the heels serving as functional transitional champions (in this case, also lending heat to the Edge/Vickie story), or else compound their heat with a cheat-to-win victory when the lights are on bright, as JBL would say. As I've said so often over the years, sometimes (in my opinion, most often) simple is the most effective.

Another self-surprise: I cannot deny that I am becoming increasingly impressed with not only the near-flawless build being afforded Vladimir Kozlov, but the performances of the man himself as the opponents grow in stature and are able to offer the big man a better run for his rubles. God bless Stevie Richards, even in this losing effort, this was the best match I've seen him allowed to have since the Right To Censor days. Also, take note, folks, Ross & Foley are giving a class on how to build a new talent and make him matter. With the exception of last week's misguided involvement in the four-on-one mismatch, McMahonagement are doing absolutely everything Right in Kozlov's regard and, in turn, The Moscow Mauler is matching that in his performances. I still maintain he'll not be in this for the long haul, but I'm looking forward to the day when Kozlov receives the opportunity to battle more imposing opposition.

THE Brian Kendrick: Admittedly, I've always been a fan of Brian Kendrick, so I may be a little biased in his favor, but he's playing a great heel here and I really like the juxtaposition between himself and Ezekiel. It's an eventuality that Kendrick is going to push Zeke too far in the secondary role, leading to a turn by the big man (and I'm hoping we're not just using Kendrick as a means to that end), but I'm getting ahead of myself. Kendrick looks to be solid and is a reliable hand in the ring, so I'll echo JR's sentiment that I'm expecting big things from that duo.

As with Benjamin/Yang, I'd have liked to have seen a longer, more fully-realized contest here tonight between Kendrick and Shannon Moore, but they did fine with what little time they were allowed and they accomplished that which they were supposed to, in displaying Kendrick to be dominant in the ring. It will prove interesting how well he'll fair against larger, more established talent, but then that's the beauty of being a smaller heel with a big, bad motherfucker on the outside; he's not looking for adoration and accolades, just winning, so there could be a lot of mileage on Kendrick.

I tend to disagree, though, with the Brain Pillman comparisons. Kendrick calls to my mind a younger, circa. WCW CruiserWeight-era Chris Jericho, without the Ralphus-style humor attached. Nonetheless, Kendrick is making it work and I look forward to seeing where he goes…but The Kendrick? I agree, Sliced Bread #2 is not the name of a heel's finisher, but that name is not the answer.

R-Truth is coming to SmackDown! : Welcome back to a true talent in Ron Killings, who will be using the handle "R-Truth". WWE is again and wisely utilizing the promo video to introduce us to a "new" character, which is brilliant. Brief, to the point and powerful. In one minute, we got a look at the man, where he comes from and what he's about. Now we're curious and looking forward to his debut. For those of us already familiar with Killings, we know he's great on the mic and can more than go in the ring with his unique brand of "bigger man Mysterio" offense. I just hope he leaves those jingly pants at home in "Nawth Kakkilakki".

puRgatoRy:

Did they just say charismatic enigma…?: And, furthermore, is Mike Tenay getting a royalty? I guess "The Rainbow-Headed Warrior" sounded a little too Gay Pride for someone hovering over the WWET…although, in fairness, they ARE spoofing Tom Cruise…

I'm a big fan of MVP and his VIP Lounge and my long-standing dedication to The Hardys has been well documented here in The R's over the last three + years, but I just wasn't thrilled by this week's installment. My initial response to MVP's dredging up so much of Jeff's personal dirty laundry was, Yeah, thanks, we KNOW…it's old news and been done to death. But then I had to remind myself that not everyone scans the 411 news page as faithfully as do you and I, PLUS, they were selling the WWE Magazine cover story. And that's fine and that's cool…it's a business and ya gotta cover your bases.

I think what had me prickling was the question of whether or not this was going to lead anywhere. For MVP to take these personal shots at Jeff (bringing up the dog? Come on…that's low.) makes one assume Jeff will make MVP pay for his mouthiness, and I'm not just talking elimination in the battle royal that would take place later in the show.

There was also the fact that MVP's harassment became contrived and forced toward the end, and I think that was resultant of Jeff's hesitance in jumping in and verbally sparring with such an orator as MVP. It's never been a secret that Jeff's strength is not on the mic, that he prefers to allow his amazing actions speak for him, and I completely accept that. However, it's my belief that it's the job of McMahonagement to protect its performers from situations where they will come off looking like goofs, the way Jeff did tonight. Any good booker promotes his/her talents' attributes and minimizes their shortcomings and I felt that wasn't the case here tonight. However, the crowd bought it and Jeff did get a measure of revenge, so I could be reading too much into this. What would really make this work is if a program, even a short one, was borne of this segment, especially since both these guys are starving for something to do on Friday nights.

A specific brand of masochism: Does it suck to be a fan of Jeff hardy or what? How many times are we going to be teased with a WWET win in his regard? When/if they actually pull that trigger that building is going to absolutely explode.

So. Battle royal to decide HHH's SummerSlam opponent. Our options are Umaga, Khali, The Big Show, Kennedy, Jeff Hardy and MVP, which seems fairly random to me, but whatevz. The battle royal was fairly dull until the two giants squared off, then things began to pick up. Umaga proved, as expected, to be quite the contender, standing up well to the giants while still maintaining a competitive foil for the smaller combatants and really helped to set up Jeff's impressive elimination of Show when he returned after having been nixed by the big man to deliver a Samoan Spike. Jeff, as mentioned, managed a measure of revenge against MVP by eliminating him and looked phenomenal dumping Show with a spectacular hurricanrana. Doing so gave the impression that Jeff could go all the way and earn a spot in the main event at the second-largest PPV of the year, but Khali simply outsized and out-matched The Ultimate Risk-Taker.

I question the wisdom in selecting Khali as Triple H's opponent…Hunter must really have a death wish, because he's going to have to put his reputation as a ring general to the test to get a truly great match out of Nature's Little Oopsie, but if John Cena could do it, so can Tri. I also am curious to see if anything comes of the events here in the battle royal; that is why such an event can be such a useful tool, not only can the main objective of such match be attained, but those who don't win can also be set up to function later as a result of the goings-on. I might suggest we'll see Show call out You-Mang-Gah for that "illegal" Samoan Spike (although I thought The Bulldozer already had something going with Kennedy…? Either would be a fun match). And the seeds have definitely been planted for Jeff/MVP. I guess we wait and see.

A new standard for SmackDown! : I am displeased with putting the UST on Shelton Benjamin for a couple reasons. I've mentioned in recent installments of The R's Benjamin's iffy at best reliability as a bankable commodity and the bleach job, the new gimmick and finisher haven't sold me that he's just yet turned that particular corner.

Secondly, even if he HAS, Matt Hardy's absolutely unspectacular run with the title had the casket sealed by his premature loss of said belt. His UST chase was once the best story on Friday night (it could be argued the best in the company at the time); unfortunate maladies by both Matt and then-champion MVP absolutely deflated the program, but McMahonagement stuck to its guns and eventually placed the UST around Matt's waist, a much- and loudly lauded move that was supposed to move the North Carolinian up the ladder (so to speak) and closer to the ever-elusive world title (and, no, Big Drippy's WWECW Title doesn't count; if anything, that move is lateral). However, as so often happens in WWE, we see the culmination of a big angle and it comes to pass that even the FIRST provision for either performer hasn't been considered. Matt's brief tenure with the UST yielded two things: 1) Jack, and, 2) Shit.

Third, this title change was absolutely shotgunned out of almost nowhere. Matt's extended chase of the UST gave the belt itself a quality of credibility we'd not seen it afforded in a VERY long time, even giving a rub to the WWETTTs which is treated so often like the bastard child of belts. Granted, yes, Benjamin achieved a televised, non-title pinfall victory over Matt, thus warranting a shot at the belt, but when does that matter anymore? (Answer: when it suits Creative; it SHOULD matter the way it used to, but it doesn't.) The fact that Benjamin defeated Matt with virtually no effort, no chase, no drama has bled the UST's integrity and now, not only does Benjamin have the responsibility of being a consistent performer, which he has yet to do since being split from Charlie Haas years ago, but must also be the man who restores the glory his title used to carry (to say nothing of staunchly establishing himself as a solid heel performer, which I don't think he's necessarily managed, either).

A mention in Matt's regard, why is he being depicted as a risk-taker? Jim Ross and Mick Foley, when recapping the UST match from the PPV, both reiterated that "Matt took one risk too many" and that cost him the match and the title. It is Jeff who is the daredevil, not Matt, and this makes Matt appear to be a much less-accomplished performer than he really is, and I feel that's a mistake. Remember what we said earlier about good booking proliferating the talent's attributes and minimizing its shortcomings? This is in direct opposition to that philosophy and it hurts a talent who has worked his ass off to become 2007's Most Improved Wrestler. I know I'll likely get flamed for simply being sore that "my boy" lost his title, and if that's your intention, I kindly invite you to stick that up your ass. I want both Matt AND Benjamin to succeed, but I do not feel this was the proper manner in which to make both men valuable commodities.

On to tonight's match against Jimmy Wang Yang, let this serve as a warning to the locker room. McMahonagement appeared to be quite high on The Wanger prior to his Wellness infraction; now it appears as if his stock in the company has absolutely fallen apart and his role as "the new Funaki" has begun, which is a shame. It's my belief that Benjamin and JWY could go for a good, solid 15:00 under the proper circumstances, but that was not the purpose tonight. What we were supposed to take away from this squash was the fact Benjamin is a solid performer and staunch champion, capable of finishing off a capable talent tout suite with his new finisher, Paydirt (which looked as sloppy and precarious as his pre-match promo; I agree with Larry, Benjamin needs to STOP with the "ain't no stopping me NOWWWW!" He sounds bush league when he does that, and he's better than that). I'm going to remain optimistic about his future, but he has a hell of a mountain to climb to restore integrity his title and to make his own name.

Almost a momentous occasion: I thought we were going to make it through an entire 2:00 ladies match without Maryse falling on her ass whilst delivering an offensive move, but nope, there it was. My GOD she's horrible…and if she doesn't stop whipping around that hair, Sebastian Bach is gonna sue her for gimmick infringement.

I know we've done it to death, but it bears mentioning; that fuckin Divas Title is so ugly it doesn't even look good on Michelle McCool. And I don't wanna harp on this point, either, but for those who criticized me for remarking on how slender Michelle is, the belt can't even be tightly fastened around her waist…believe me, it's no criticism, I'm jealous!

As I predicted, Michelle won the belt at THE BASH and, judging from the clips, the match looked damn good. Natalya is the future of women's wrestling in WWE as far as I'm concerned, and Michelle is Right on her heels. We saw our new champ save this match tonight from being an abysmal embarrassment and displayed herself to be a worthy champion, though I was expecting a Natalya run-in, as it stands to reason they should rematch and that Ms. Neidhart has to be unhappy that Michelle not only countered the vaunted Sharpshooter, but made her tap to the heel hook. Hopefully this will come to pass.

The wRong:

Here's something I never thought would need addressing: It seems as if, in the wake of The Draft, the SD! roster may be a little TOO stacked! We currently have Show, Hardy, Kennedy, MVP and Umaga all fairly without direction, and we've yet to even see the SD! debuts of Carlito (no problem there, personally), R-Truth, DH Smith, Maria or Big Daddy V, plus Gregory Helms is about to finally make his return. We've seen a lot of multi-person matches in an attempt to just get the big name players on TV, but that can't be the case for too much longer, before such talents begin to atrophy. It just seems as if there's not enough time in two hours to give everyone a role, and that concerns me. Granted, in the grand scheme, we're still very new into the current roster, but not enough time is not enough time. It seems to me we're going to have to start employing some very clever booking to make the best use of all of our commodities. Except Carlito.

The Ridiculous:

NOTHING:

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08.08.08: The Day the 4R's Change Forever!



By: Larry Csonka

Raw 7.28.08

The Right:

CENA SAYS SORRY, SHANE SHUFFLES BACK TO RAW, BIG DAVE DOES NOT APPROVE Raw kicked off this week with John Cena coming to the ring. He had filled out his WILL because he hit Big Dave last week, and as stupid as it sounded he wanted to call him out and clear the air. Ballsy. Big Dave would come out, but there would be no violence. He was cool about it. He just said shit happens and he saw the footage, it was an accident and that they were cool. SO COOL in fact that after Dave wins the title he said that he would gladly defend it against Cena.

"Aguythatlosttwicetothelamechampionsayswhat?"

They argued a bit, and Cena decided since they were in Dave's hometown that they should battle it out to see who gets to face Punk. SHANE-O-MAC then made his return to LIVE WWE TV, did his SHANE-O-MAC shuffle and explained that the match wouldn't happen because the NEW MYSTERY GM had already signed matches Cena and Dave vs. Kane and JBL (at this point I thought Russo got the job) and Punk vs. a free agent who is a technical marvel! MARVEL HE SAID! Strong opening segment that played off of the closing angle of last weeks show and the total anarchy that Raw had become without a GM. They established the night's main event and that the new GM would be announced later in the show, giving people two reasons to stick around. I think that's a successful opening segment.

KOFI vs. NOBLE: Jamie Noble was awesome again this week as he came to the ring to impress his GIRL Layla. He challenged COFFEE Kingston to a match, because he planned to become the next IC Champion. Kofi then came to the ring and essentially squashed him in a quick fashion and looked great. I mean he dispatched Noble quickly, and finally, in my opinion looked like a star. It was just WAY TOO SHORT! I think they could have had a very fun match. But I will take Kofi looking good as the more important thing here. While I think that Kofi needs a feud with an established name and that he does need to have solid and competitive matches, what he DOES NOT NEED is to be competitive with scrubs, he needs to beat them quickly as he did here.

SIMPLY PRICELESS = SIMPLY ASSHOLES: Holy shit, I love these guys. Ted and Cody have come along well, and their association with JBL has also been a good thing to help give them credibility. I personally loved last week's angle, the follow up with Jim Duggan and Jerry Lawler's involvement. Coming out of that angle the champs were set to face Duggan and Lawler, until the MYSTERY GM changed the bout to King and MICHAEL COLE vs. the champs. Lawler of course worked 99% of the bout as Cole looked like he was shitting himself on the apron. Lawler started to run wild, but as he looked for the piledriver he got knocked into the corner. This is where we get the accidental tag and Cole had to be brought in. With the way they worked the match it was predictable and built perfectly to Cole throwing the one punch. He did, the crowd popped and then Cody MURDERED him with a clothesline and pinned him. Simply Priceless then hugged and celebrated like they had won a major match, which is simply awesome from a pair of assholes like Rhodes and Dibiase. They are developing well thus far and I am enjoying the pairing.

PUNK vs. REGAL: CM Punk came to the ring to do battle with a free agent who is a technical marvel! MARVEL! Everyone who hoped for Bryan Danielson, well, shame on you for 6-weeks. William Regal's ROBE AND HAIR returned to the WWE after a 60-day vacation. He also picked up a body suit, which wasn't all that flattering, but let's move on. They had a really good TV match, great wrestling and they worked snug as hell. Regal then busted open Punk's nose (OMG A RECEIPT SNITSKY!) and the flowing blood added to the overall stiff match. The end turned me off a bit, Regal dominated and Punk got the GTW out of nowhere, it almost looked like a bad edit in post production it was so odd. I could have used a few more minutes of wrestling here, because it was great, but this was good stuff overall. I just wish that they would change the way Punk is being built, sure having Batista own him is one thing, but he shouldn't have to constantly fight from behind against a guy like Regal. Also I have to offer a little kudos to consistency from me as they mentioned that Punk got revenge for his KOTR loss to Regal.

THE FINAL HIGHLIGHT REEL: Chris Jericho presented his final Highlight Reel this week on Raw. The man as sick of trying to entertain the fans, because it got him nothing, it took him away from being a world champion. We got a video package of better times, when he was happy and cheerful. Cracking jokes and making us laugh. But those times are over, and he was OFFENDED that he wasn't held in as high a regard as HBK, especially considering that he is the truth. That guy is long dead, Y2J is long dead, which is why he did what he did to HBK. That's why he ended his career. He then transitioned into claiming that HE was the most deserving of the next title shot. Another great performance from Jericho here, that I will say MAY have gone on a bit too long. I will also say that they have to do something with Cade. Right now he is a sidekick and nothing more. If they want to elevate him they have to do something soon. But this was a very good segment.

purgatory:

MICKIE vs. JILLIAN: Mickie vs. Jillian was what I would describe as a "passable" match. It was short, they stumbled and bit and just didn't completely click. It's a shame because they are both solid workers, but have never gelled very well in my opinion. After the match we got an attack on Mickie as she went to celebrate with her father. That BITCH Katie Lea Burchill attacked her and left her laying. She did that for the new GM to send a message that she wanted to be the women's champion. Great little angle there with the father, my only issue is that Mickie has cleanly defeated Katie 2-3 times already, including once on PPV. The program is a bit cold to me due to that because I have already seen Mickie win and be triumphant. I think that they need to do the title change to spice up the division.

THE ADAMLE~! So Raw ends and the NEW GM is THE ADAMLE. I have to laugh at the reaction to this, people actually questioning his qualifications to PLAY A ROLE and insisting that people boycott Raw to send a message. Listen, he isn't my first choice and I DO NOT think they should find work for him just to justify the $300,000 they were stupid enough to pay him, but they made the choice. I am going purgatory on THE ADAMLE as GM because we don't know how he'll do. I wasn't high on Vickie as GM, but she has been Fan-Fucking-Tastic in that role. THE ADAMLE may be great, and he may suck as bad as his commentary. We don't know quite yet. The ending segment was a mixed bag overall. I mean THE ADAMLE's first act as GM was to play grab ass with John Cena. Apparently he didn't get the company's paperwork in regards to sexual harassment. But the crowd wasn't silent, but they didn't exactly blow the roof off of the place. I also dislike the announcement of Cena vs. Batista for Summerslam. I think they could and should have saved that for WrestleMania. There is rumblings that this and the World Title match will be combined into a 4-6 way match, which I also have some reservations about. Hopefully things will work out next week and we get a clearer picture. They need to have a clear path to Summerslam, which they don't right now. Thankfully the Summerslam name sells itself.

The wrong:

KELLY and DLO vs. BETH and SANTINO Following last week's matches and budding love affairs, we got a mixed tag team bout with D LO and Kelly vs. Beth and Santino. Too short to be anything, and Santino got the win as he pinned Kelly. Santino celebrating like he won the world title after pinning Kelly was tremendous, one of those little heel dick moves. I always love when heels celebrate that way. Beth and Santino smooch after the match, it's cute and funny, so fine but I don't exactly see where they are going. I wish they would actually build their women's division. D LO has been back for 2-weeks and is just another guy already, hooray.

EXCUSE ME LITTLE BOY, THE ADULTS HAVE TO TALK NOW: I know that Vince has this whole idea that Punk should only survive with the title and let the "stars" always look good, but unless there is some grand plan, they need to STOP making Punk look like such a fucking pussy. After his match with Regal, which was a GREAT little TV match; JBL enters the ring and then Kane makes an appearance. We get a bit of fighting, Punk gets a shot in on Kane but then eats a boot from JBL, "QUIET, BACK TO THE KIDS TABLE WITH YOU BOY! THE ADULTS HAVE TO TALK!" Seriously, can't this guy have SOME credibility as champion?

The Ridiculous

Jack and Shit!

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By: Jeremy Thomas

ECW 7.29.08:

The Right:

WELL, THAT'S CERTAINLY AN UPSIDE TO RAW'S ANNOUNCEMENT…: Right off the bat from the opening moments, ECW was already improved from last week. Why? Because Mike Adamle's gone. I actually think that was a pretty good move, as Adamle can be put into a more regulated format with some scripted promo work, and he might come off better. Now onto his replacement, good old Todd Grisham. First off, I'll say it's nice to see Todd get a shot after being passed over while people like Adamle and Cole get to screw up match-calling on a legendary scale. I don't hate Cole as much as most people, but he's certainly no Jim Ross or Joey Styles (ECW era), that's for sure. Grisham sounded pretty good in his ECW debut, building an immediate chemistry with Tazz and sounding eminently comfortable in the announcer's seat. He's even firing back on Tazz a couple times, and made less verbal miscues then his more seasoned broadcast partner. I think Grisham has a ways to go before he can be considered a great announcer—his voice is pretty generic, and his timing was just a bit off at times, but he's clearly got the tools to make it where many of his colleagues have floundered. Color me an early fan of this decision.

MIZ AND MORRISON vs. FINLAY AND HORNSWAGGLE: This was, actually, a pretty fun little match that was really little more than a handicap match (no matter what Todd tried to say). It was interesting to watch how much offense Finlay was getting against the former tag champs; for a moment, I was concerned that maybe the M's had done something to piss off someone and were losing their push, but they still got some good shots in. This was about as good as a match with Hornswaggle could be, simply because he was only in to get flattened by Morrison and eat the pin. My joy of Finlay has waned a little in the past few weeks, which is possibly just Hornswaggle dislike becoming more then the little guy's body can hold and overflowing onto Finlay. Don't get me wrong, Fit's still a joy to watch in the ring, but I really have believed that his association with Horny is ruining him as a character in the long run. Thus, when Knox came out and obliterated Finlay post-match and explained it off by saying Finlay's gotten soft, I got excited. Like most people, I've never been huge on Knox, but Finlay can probably carry him to a pretty good match and give him some invaluable experience in the ring. Plus, it's another example of how ECW is really starting to build some secondary feuds, which is great. Give the fans a reason to be interested in your talent, and your talent will get over. It's as simple as that, and if they keep this up, they may be able to build something special out of a few of these young talents.

purgatory:

WILDCAT, EH?: While prepping for his match with Colin Delany, Matt Hardy was visited by Braden Walker, who joked about Colin's size and told Matt that he had the #1 Contender's back. First of all, it's nice to see Walker get a little screen time to get fans more familiar with him before his next match, and he did decently enough in the segment—hell, he at least talks clearer then Atlas does. The only problem with this was the silly "Wildcat" inside reference that Matt Hardy used—come on, you can't tell me that's coincidental—and the big question of "why?" This segment would made total sense in terms of the upcoming match, since Delaney was going to have Henry and Atlas in his corner. The problem was, Walker didn't come out, nor did he have to, so there was no follow-up to this segment. Lack of continuity from one commercial break to the next makes Jeremy a displeased monkey. The segment certainly wasn't bad, just pointless, unless they follow-up later (which I'm skeptical of). And on a one-hour show, they should be utilizing every minute they have to the maximum potential.

MATT HARDY vs. COLIN DELANEY: In a follow-up to last week, we had poor, hapless Colin asking Mark Henry and Tony Atlas why they threw him under the bus with Tommy Dreamer last week, and was told that he had to do something special to impress them. This led to our main event of Colin taking on Matt Hardy. I really think that Delaney's got the promo skills to make something of himself, and I'm glad he's getting the shot. Of course, the match was basically an extended squash, and for what it was, it was fine. It let Matt get his signature spots on one of Henry's flunkies, and built a little heat for their feud. My big problem that keeps this from being a right is that Colin actually looked stronger against Matt then he did against Tommy last week. This was a huge mistake to my thinking, as you're making the new #1 Contender look weaker than the previous #1 Contender who was unable to get the job done. I'm not saying that there was anything wrong with Colin's ring work—far from it, it was pretty crisp. But you need to build up your show's big match for SummerSlam by making the challenger look like a threat. If Colin can cause a problem for Matt, even a brief one, then it hurts the idea that Matt can beat Henry. In the end, it was still a squash and it certainly wasn't wrong, but it wasn't right in my book, either.

The wrong:

THE WORLD'S STRONGEST MAN AND THE WEEK'S WEAKEST PROMOS: ECW started with OUR #1 contender to the ECW Title, Matt Hardy, coming to the ring to give a promo in follow-up to his winning the Fatal Four-Way last week. He talked about how he's always been an ECW fan, and how he's a natural fit since he's been in one of the most extreme matches in WWE history. He didn't get much more out before the champ's music hit and down he came…and thankfully so, I thought at first. I'll be the first to admit that Matt's promo skills need some work, but he'd improved vastly over his time feuding with MVP, and last week's backstage promo was really good. This one felt more like the Matt Hardy promos of old—not the Sensei of Mattitude Era, but the Hardy Boyz Era, and that's not a good thing. It just came off as unacceptably flat for a guy who won a shot at the ECW Title last week and should be riding high. Unfortunately, as Tony Atlas and Mark Henry came to the ring, Atlas started talking. Matt may have been uninspired, but at least he wasn't talking like he'd had a few shots of vodka and stuffed a marshmallow in each cheek. Seriously, I would have rather heard Henry talking then Atlas. For the record, Tony? It's ECW, not "the ECW." I know it wasn't a slip, you said it five or six damned times. Stop taking promo queues from Adamle, it's not going to get you a promotion like it did him. Atlas was making verbal miscues all over the place… "when you face Mark Henry IN SummerSlam?" Riiiight. We then got a feat of strength, and Henry passed the bent piece of rebar over to Matt, who feinted hitting Henry with it. It was this later part of the segment that almost—ALMOST—redeemed the rest of it.

The problem here is very easy and simple. People like Matt Hardy, Tony Atlas, and the like need to take some interview hints from the best talkers in the industry. See what the Mick Foley's, the Chris Jericho's and the Ric Flair's do. There are little things that can be done to overcome the inherent problems of being green on the mic. For example, word choices—one thing that always bugs me is the way the weaker promo guys always use their feuding partner's full name. We know his name is Mark Henry, Matt. Remember, he's the top guy on the show. When you use the full name, it makes things impersonal. When you really know someone well enough to hate them, you use their first name. It's more personal, more intimate, and that level of familiarity is needed to really build the heat. This is just one of a number of things these guys could do to improve their mic skills. Whatever they do, they need to do it soon, ‘cause these guys can't hold up their end on the mic, and as we all know, that's essential in the sports-entertainment world of the ‘E.

RICKY ORTIZ vs. CHAVO GUERRERO: I still can't stand Ricky Ortiz, but at least now I know why. Besides the Carlito hair, he comes off as lazy and sloppy, from the generic sweat pants to the execution of several of his moves during this match. The man nearly botched a gorilla press, for Christ's sake, and had to balance Chavo on his HEAD while he re-adjusted. If you can't do a move right that the Ultimate Warrior can nail without a problem, you need to step it up a little. Chavo bumped and gave as well as he could get like a champ, but he couldn't keep the match from looking a little rather car wreck-ish. The ending of the match didn't really do anyone any favors either, as Ricky's already getting wins on technicalities that aren't building him up, and Chavo looks like a goof by getting DQ'd from his bodyguard. The one thing that the managed to work was Bourne's run-in, with a nice-looking couple of dropkicks and a quick escape to build the feud with Chavo. If only the actual match had come off that well, we might have had something.

The Ridiculous

Zero, Zilch, Zip

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08.08.08: The Day the 4R's Change Forever!