Truth B Told 8.21.08: Just A Little Evil

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 08.21.2008

Does “size matter” when it comes to being evil? You know what they say, “Evil Things come in small packages”. Usually about 5’2” and 105 lbs…but enough about my ex, let’s talk about the “Mini Heels”.

Thanks to a reader named "Larry" we're delving into a topic that I really wanted to stay clear of. The subject of a possible and plausible "heel turn" for Rey Mysterio. Look, I for one have been about as in favor of turning Rey Rey "heel" as Mark Henry has been in favor of cutting carbs after lunch time. there are just some things in wrestling that are certainties, that we won't have to worry about changing or swerves being written in for the sake of simply trying to fool the audience. John Cena is always going to make the little kids and teenage girls squeal with glee when his entrance music hits, Jeff Hardy will always find something tall to jump off of on to people, Tommy Dreamer will be about as relevant to wrestling from here on out as a sports bra will be to JBL, and Rey Mysterio will always remain a plucky underdog face. The case is closed and the debate is dead. Or…is it alive? Damn you Kane and your midget molestation fetish. I hope Finlay has a Lo Jack for Hornswoggle just in case.

In case you didn't get that bulletin on myspace, wrestling is very different from real life. In real life you have famously small statured "villains" and "tyrants" who have managed to wreak considerable havoc over humanity despite their diminutive size. Men like Napoleon, Julius Caesar, Mao Tse Tong, Fernando Marcos, and George stepanopalis have blazed a destructive path throughout history. in wrestling there are slightly less successful models to draw from. Off hand some of my own personal favorite little tyrants include: Christopher Daniels (The Prophecy era), Jimmy Jacobs (AoTF), Petey Williams (Team Canada), Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, and of course "Evil" Spike Dudley. Now take a look at all of those men and you can count 1 major championship title between them while they were working "heel" at the time. That would actually be under some debate of course as I considered Jericho a ‘tween or face when he won the undisputed title and to be fair Eddie was working ‘tweener as well when he beat Brock Lesner for the belt so I actually gave them both a half title reign. If you want to be a stickler then really none of those men have won a title while working full heel.

What you will notice is that all of those men have worked as "heels" most successfully when they have some back-up. Which really does follow the real life examples of historical "Tiny Terrors". Jimmy Jacbos as a "heel" (okay theoretically so since AoTF still get some face reactions) doesn't work quite as effectively without the rest of the AoTF behind him, this is in the same vein of course as when Chris Daniels was the leader of The Prophecy, even then Daniels was the main focus, yet he never won the RoH title since that honor went to Xavier as the young up and comer. Sounds familiar doesn't it? I just hope when Tyler finally wins it he doesn't drop his last name or…you know….suck for the rest of his career like Xavier did. Petey Williams was the bigger focus for Team Canada, but he was never the real leader and never got a shot at the bigger belt in TNA, Evil Spike for a short time was the leader of the Dudley Boyz, but that stint didn't last long and he really only used his pull to help beat up on the rest of the cruiserweights. D'von and Bubba were merely the "muscle" used to intimidate and beat down his opponents…and apparently steal their lunch money…which by the looks of them…was quite a haul. They look more like the Milk Dud-ley Boyz now.

When a mini-heel has a following or a partner to work with (hence Cade is now the Chavo to Jericho's Eddie) they seem to be more in place. Guys like Jericho, Jacobs, and Daniels all have great charisma and technical ability, but lack the real size and intimidation factor necessary of most successful "heels" in wrestling. They usually require either some muscle of the use of the "numbers game" in order to demonstrate their heelish tactics. Then again sometimes you can go almost TOO heel and in the process accidentally turn yourself without even realizing it. If you remember correctly Eddie was only a straight "heel" for a very short period of time before the crowd turned him ‘tweener and then eventually face. Eddie was part of The Radicalz upon enter the "e" and he along with Benoit, Saturn, and Malenko made a formidable stable made up of fairly short wrestlers. Again the "gang tactics" worked in their favor. At least this stable had more teeth then Eddie's last "heel" faction in WCW, the lWo. Although El Dandy truly was one bad mutha…*shut yo mouth*…I'm just talkin' about El Dandy.

With the newest storyline of Kane raping…I mean…abducting Mysterio there is a real possibility that Rey Rey may turn evil as a result. That is in fact what happened to Kane's last girlfriend right? How many people remember Tori being turned bad from one weekend with X-Pac? Then again I'm pretty sure any woman who spends a weekend with Sean Waltman is bound to get infected with a little evil…and herpes. Then again more than likely this will end up with some kind of a re-masking of Kane instead of a de-masking of Mysterio since Vince has never been a fan of a de-masked Mysterio, still the possibility exists. Who is to say that Freddie Prinze hasn't convinced the writing staff to go against conventional wisdom of rehashing Rey as a plucky babyface who now has to take revenge on the kind of "Giant" he used to kill as an unmasked Rey Misterio Jr. and instead let Rey turn evil in the process, corrupted by Kane's mental and physical torture, as well as Kane's demon seed. Of course during the forced wedding it would end up being interrupted by young Dominick who would proceed to hit a seated senton to Rey Rey and subsequently cause a miscarriage and…oh wait…sorry….I think I got side tracked. Anyways the potential is there, but will it succeed?

My gut feeling is that a heel Mysterio doesn't play right. He's too damn small to be intimidating and win through any other means than a roll-up or pinning combination. His moveset doesn't exactly scream "heel" and according to all of the people in the "AJ Styles sucks as a heel since his moveset never changed that used to pop a crowd" camp that just isn't going to work. The only real way Mysterio could turn heel is a) with the help of a stable to back him up, which doesn't seem realistic, b) constantly walk out of matches, cause DQ's or win only through cheap means like ring outs (M2K anyone?), c) become a woman beater, rapist, or scientologist, or d) publically denounce Brett Favre on Sports Center while finding a way to simultaneously crash every single Madden '09 game and WoW server on the planet. Mission Accomplished!!

There are very few guys who can manage to stay a successful heel on their own when they are a cruiserweight. Kid Kash had a short run in TNA in the X-Division, but that was against other cruisers, then he hooked up with Dallas (aka Lance Hoyt) then eventually went to the "e" and their cruiserweight division and then eventually teamed with Jamie Noble. Look at the history of the "e" and there hasn't been a cruiserweight "heel" and I mean fully "heel" champion ever. Even in TNA where 1/3 of their heavyweight division is cruiserweight they have yet to have a heel cruiser was champion. The closest thing you have is Christian Cage and he's really on the line there but by comparison to the rest of the roster he hardly looked small. Besides he also had the "Christian Coalition" at the time. Mini-heel have traditionally lacked success and strong pushes and I don't see Mysterio as a heel changing things. Then again the "e" seems to read my column a lot and then book the exact opposite of it 2 or 3 weeks later so I guess there is always that chance. The biggest strike against the mini-heel, especially in the "e" is that all of the most popular "faces" are just jacked to the gills: Cena, HHH, Batista, Undertaker, really only HBK is less than huge. By comparison how can you have a "heel" believably beat those guys and present a threat without back up. We can fantasy book all we want but by and large I doubt most fans will buy that. I guess it's not really the mini-heel's fault, besides, if the "David vs Goliath" feud had never been booked the way it was, maybe David could have pulled off a good "heel turn" after all.

The Truth

A bad Rey Mysterio sounds like a bad booking idea. Not only does he lack the physique stature to be able to pull off a convincing "heel turn" but his popularity amongst the Latino demographic is a key reason he is consistently featured in the "e". While you can try to make a wrestler a "evil" it is much harder to make him "hated" to the point where virtually no one wants to see the guy in the ring unless he's getting his ass handed to me. Mysterio has been a "face" for so long it would be difficult, though not impossible, the problem is that any way that Rey could go heel would be to simply keep rolling people up and grabbing the tights or a different variations as such. What is he going to do? Run in and hit a random 619 on a "face" or line him up for the "concussion…flying ass". With the way the WWE is set up it's a land of giants and to have a "heel giant killer" roam the ring just isn't feasible. it's hard to hate the "underdog", and no, "apathy" isn't the same thing. That's just a mild case of "X-Pac Heat".

Coming Up Short

Anyone notice how Santino was supposed to be used to help Maria get further over, but now Santino is more popular than Maria even though ironically she's improved as a wrestler more than he has in the past year? Sad. Well I guess that goes to show that a hot piece of ass can in fact get a guy over…after she dumps him. I guess there is still hope for you yet Billy Kidman…oh right, there isn't. Lets just hope that the "e" keeps this Santino/Beth team together a little longer because lately they've done a piss poor job of matching divas and wrestlers together and for once they finally have a pairing that isn't coming up short. Wait a sec…are Cena and Mickie still dating? Oh right…don't mention "continuity", my bad.

6 Degrees of…



The man is yet again champion of the mid-card. This week we'll hook him up with another making looking for a 2nd championship…



Hey, he was my first round draft pick in this year's 411mania league. Yeah, I'll post him up here if I want. A few picks sooner and we might be looking at Marshawn Lynch.

Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

Larry is to blame for this week's column:

Hey, bro. Nice article. I could not agree more: Edge is one of the best developed characters (heel or otherwise) in pro-wrestling over the past 5 or 6 years.
Oh, btw, Mysterio needs to turn heel. The underdog stuff got old after they put a title around his waist, then proceeded to job him out to the entire heavyweight roster. Make him a heel like Eddie was, one that cheats to win, but gets over and applauded for it anyway.

You are in Seattle? Me too. Any idea where I can catch a PPV, besides Hooters? There used to be a bar on the east side, but I think they closed or stopped showing PPVs. Do you know of anywhere else around here? Shorty's shows RAW via staellite, but I don't think they get the PPVs.

Edge really has been one of the best developed wrestlers and personalities over the past 5 or 6 years, Jericho is certainly coming back along as well as …um…I guess… The Brian Kendrick? Damn. Like I said in my column, Eddie was a "true heel" for only a few months but once his "cheat to win" t-shirt came out his ‘tweener turn was in full bloom. Actually I was in Seattle for vacation but hopefully by this time next year I'll be moving back to the Emerald City. I know Hooters shows PPVs and a guy who used to work here, Jordan Linkous, mentioned the same. I wonder what happened to J-Link? Well the only other bar I know that shows PPVs from time to time is my brother-in-law's bar up in Everett called Shotze's. I'm not even sure they do it every month so I'd call up there if I were you. Tell them I sent you and get a free hot wing with purchase of a 75 pack. If anyone else knows of a good place drop me a line.

Louis Jones drops off a thought:

Yo Domingo, just thought I pass on something interesting I've noted.

Over the past year, Matt Hardy has feuded with MVP, then Shelton, and now Mark Henry and Tony Atlas. Jeff Hardy, has done the same, feuding right now with Shelton and MVP, and having a confrontation with Henry and Atlas at the the PPV.

Boy, I guess hating on the black man was something they picked up from Micheal Hayes back when he managed them.

Just my thought

Once Matt feuds with Burke and Boogeyman, THEN I'll buy into the theory. Actually this is either a sound theory based on "The New Brood" being a modern day KKK or …the Hardyz just toil in the mid-card forever. Team Xtreme…racists.

6 Degrees Results

#1.

Well good to see him back, too bad it's amid such sparse competition:

1) Cullen Jones has the unique characteristic of being born on February 29th, a fairly uncommon birthdate. Who else has that birthday? Why Superman!
2) In Superman Returns, a movie about Superman... returning... Kevin Spacey played Lex Luther.
3) Kevin Spacey was in Fred Clause, along with Vince Vaughn.
4) Vince Vaughn cameoed in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which also had a brief appearance by Eliza Dushku.
5) Eliza Dushku played the daughter of Aaaaahrnold in Ture Lies, a film that co-starred Tom Arnold.
6) Tom Arnold, back in 1990, Married Roseanne Barr, and became the second American Male to nail a 387lb Snatch, a feat accomplished by Ken Petera back in 1972.

Louis Jones

And…business as usual.

Left Overs…

Newest Random Tag Team Name of the Week: Striker and D'lo: Encyclopedia Brown.

I actually was hoping that the short lived Rocky/Helms feud would end up in a mis-matched tag team. Their name: Rock me like a Hurricane.

Btw…I was going to use my idea for Super Crazy and Umaga, but I was told "Savage Gardener" was racist.

I used to like Special K in RoH, I thought that had a good gimmick, but the line-up kept changing and seemed like they were constantly tweaked.

Now that Delirious is in AoTF does that mean he'll start using The Cutter as his finishing move? Maybe change his origin. How does, "Hailing from the back of the mall food court" or "Hailing from in front of the 7-11" sound?

Since AoTF is getting popular I wonder if they'll start giving Jimmy Jacobs a weekly show like they tried with Larry Sweeney. I'm thinking "The Hot Topic, with Jimmy Jacobs".

That Adamle Original sounds pretty good: Championship Scramble. I'm thinking that a crossover with Denny's is in order. So I'm thinking an extra side of bacon, hash browns, and clotheslines.

I like how there is now a new story about Chris Harris having "heat" backstage during his WWE tenure. Of course the guy had heat…I actually remember the time when Luke Skywalker used it by splitting him in half with a light saber and climbing into him during an ice storm.

The Great Booty Debate 2008

The contest is winding to a close and I have some interesting things lined up for the finish line. This week we match up the multi-Asian Nina with the Puerto Rican Bianca:

Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



No jokes…just…enjoy.

Random Latina Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Look, there's a place by my apartment that has a bunch of Puerto Ricans washing cars and…I think I'm getting gyped.

So now that Colt Cabana is officially "Scotty Goldman", I assume he has a full on Jewish gimmick now. I'm thinking a cool Scotty Goldman shirt is to follow: Scotty Goldman…Less than you Bargained for.

Why does Primo Colon sound like something you'd pick up at the Duty-Free Shop at the airport?

Pimpin' In High Places

God help me but the 411mania Fantasy Football League draft was this week. It's a deep…DEEEEEEEP 16 team league. I got the 13th pick…lucky me. By the time I finally got in I was stuck with drafting Peyton Manning and the rest of my team is God awful. Santonio Holmes, Burleson, DJ Hackett, Thomas Jones, Brandon Jacobs…Ray Rice. My team's season is already looking pretty bleak. Maybe I can trade one of the other guys in the league for an upgrade at RB for a dozen or of the pics that were "TOO HOT for TBT":

Ask 411

FoF

Eubank's Debut

R-R-R-R

Shawty

CoH

J-Weezy

D-Dubya

It's been a long week already. I'm actually writing this from my hotel room in Houston, Texas while watching an old AWA show and Olympic speed walking. Seems like a wide open course though, I was hoping that event would take place around 8 am at the Mall of Beijing. "Oh, the walker from Ghana just got disqualified for an illegal skip in front of the Cinnabon". My body says it's 10 pm, but my clock says Midnight and I have to wake up in 6 and a half hours to get to an all day meeting then get right back on the airplane after a whopping 22 hours here in Texas. I actually saw The Rock again at the gym on Tuesday, he was walking in after me and I noticed he was wearing the EXACT same thing I was. So of course I did the only decent thing…I avoided him the entire time on the other side of the gym. Seemed kinda gay to be working out in the same area with matching outfits. By the way, if anyone can confirm for me whether or not Stone Cold Steve Austin has a tattoo of the state of Texas on his left calf then I might have been sitting on the same plane as him. I thought it might have been him, but he was on his cell phone the whole time, then when I passed first class he had his sunglasses on. Real approachable huh? The only weird thing was…he was wearing cargo shorts. Was he wearing some nut hugging Lee cutoff shorts underneath it? Who knows? I guess next up should be getting a trim from Brutus Beefcake. High and tight my man…high and tight.

Till then, the Truth will set you free.

-B