Evolution Schematic 08.30.08: Mark 'The Undertaker' Calaway (Part 8)

Posted by Mathew Sforcina on 08.30.2008

Hey, we share a lot in common, this guy and this column. Long Serving, 'Respected', Gimmicky, and Prone To Vanishing For Periods.

Writer's Notes

Go sign up for Stablewars and win stuff. I'll wait.

Seriously, I'll wait.

I'm just tired and stuff. Plus I'm overdosed on Taker. I just gotta suck up and get this done.

Still, apologies for last week, head cold. But it does help the whole mystique of my column a bit, that it's patchy at best.

Oh, and Braid's kinda cool. Still wrapping my head around it, and missing out on 90% of the pieces, but it's cool. Frustrating, but cool.

I know I shouldn't want this, but I do. I'll have to break open the piggybank again…

Ok, enough stalling.

Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 and Part 4 and Part 5 and Part 6 and Part 7!!! Sigh. When we left off, Taker had just shoved Jim Ross' face into Vince's ass.

No wonder I've been having a hard time getting motivated.



Phase 34- The Hardcore Undertaker. His coffins are wrapped in barbed wire?

The Undertaker's first actions all revolved around gaining respect from people by beating them up with weapons. This gained RVD's attention, who felt this was his territory, given that he was WWF Hardcore Champion at the time. So, the two were set to have a match at Vengeance, originally a non-title Hardcore match but then RVD and/or Taker making it for the belt.

Taker proceeded to win the match and thus became Hardcore Champion. An interesting side effect of this was that the 24/7 Rule, which was still in full effect, went into something of a hiatus as no-one was stupid enough to try and take the belt off of Taker. So Taker, unlike all those champions before him, was able to go about his business without having to look over his shoulder.

Which is not to say he didn't defend his belt, it was just in scheduled matches. But he certainly made sure to continue proving his point, destroying all those who stood in his way, taking out all 3 members of Team Extreme, Spike Dudley, Tajiri, Taker steamrolled into the Royal Rumble confident of victory. He tossed 5 men, including both Hardy Boys who returned from injuries sustained from Taker, only to be eliminated by, of all people, Maven, in the most memorable and dramatic elimination from a Royal Rumble in the modern age. Unfortunately for Maven, Taker did not take kindly to this shock, and thus he eliminated and destroyed the young man. This led to Maven's elimination becoming a matter of debate, settled when Jericho gave the young man a title shot to shut everyone up. Taker then continued to destroy the young man after Jericho, then Undisputed Champ, defeated him. This brought the ire of The Rock onto Taker, Rock not liking Taker's new attitude and certainly not Taker's attacks on a young man Rock might have been able to use as a stand in on a movie set. Actually it was more that Rock made a joke about Maven eliminating Taker, so Taker cost him an Undisputed Title Shot, but near enough dammit. Either way, they disliked each other. So, Rock got Maven a Hardcore Title Shot, then interfered to give the match and the belt to Maven.

Phase 35- Now Taker's Really Angry.

This made the match the two were set to have at No Way Out that much more personal. So Taker Tombstoned Rock on a car hood. This angered Ric Flair (who didn't like Taker's attitude either), so he helped Rock beat Taker at NWO, but only after Vince McMahon tried to interfere.

So, naturally, this led to Taker terrorizing Flair, beating up his kid, beating up his best friend, bloodying him and making his life an absolute hell, in order to get Flair to fight him at Wrestlemania. Flair did, giving up control of his stake in the company to make the match happen, went in to teach Taker a lesson and lost, making Taker 10-0.

Due in part to his actions of letting The Undertaker ran rampart over everyone, the WWF Board decided that Flair and McMahon could not work together. So, they decided to split the brands up, one man per show. Upon hearing this, Taker approached Flair and told him to draft him to Raw, since he wanted to continue making Flair's life hell.

Flair, for some insane reason, agreed, and Taker was the first man drafted to Raw, which pissed him off since he wasn't serious. But really, it made sense, in that Rock was the first SD pick, and given that HHH, Austin and Jericho were all undraftable, Taker was pretty much your number 2 guy in the whole WWF. Taker responded with tearing up his room and then costing Flair and HHH a match on Smackdown against Angle and Vince.

So Taker was now on Raw, and was named #1 Contender for HHH's new Undisputed Title Belt, a sole belt to represent both titles, given that the Undisputed Champion crossed the brands.

Problem was, Vince McMahon had won a coin toss to pick first in the Draft, and this also, apparently, gave him the right to name the first #1 Contender to the Title. And Vince chose Hulk Hogan, a SD guy. Taker had to settle for a #1 Contender's match at Backlash against newly signed Raw guy Steve Austin, with Ric Flair as the ref, a shot he earned thanks to Eddie Guerrero returning to the WWF in order to cost RVD the match.

Taker won that #1 Contender's match, thanks to Ric Flair not seeing Steve Austin's foot on the bottom rope. Taker then completed his night by helping Hogan defeat HHH to win the title.

He did this because he wanted to put Hogan out, he wanted to kill Hulkamania just as it was reborn, he wanted to prove to the world…

Hulk then called Taker out on all his talk, and then stalled Taker's motorcycle before running it over with a semi. It only got worse from there, with Taker taking Hogan for a ride tied to his cycle (which actually looked kinda fun), HHH getting some revenge for Taker costing him the title over in England by pinning Taker at Insurrextion, and more mind games all leading up to WWE Judgment Day, the company changing it's name at this point, where in a rather bad match Taker still managed to defeat Hulk Hogan and win the Undisputed Title.

Phase 36- Now he's happy.

And while he was now on both shows, he also had two loyal back ups in Flair (who was sick and tired of dealing with Austin) and Vince. So he was protected, with Flair making sure RVD didn't keep the title on a Raw when he won it, but Taker's foot was on the rope. Vince saw to it that HHH was beaten up by both Taker and Test on SD. But Vince was unable to prevent HHH winning his way to a title shot at King Of The Ring, and Taker began to have problems with, of all people, Jeff Hardy. Beating up Matt Hardy didn't stop him, getting Raven to help beat both Hardys down didn't stop him, beating HHH at KOTR didn't stop him, nor did beating him in a non title match the Raw after KOTR. In order to kill the threat once and for all, Taker agreed to give him not a title match, but a ladder match for the title on Raw. He also had to give Kurt Angle a shot on the very next SD after it. But the funny thing is, the SD before his ladder match, Taker was seen backstage showing some respect to a young rookie who had just debuted and lost to Kurt Angle, a young kid named John Cena.

Taker can spot them, at times.

And after beating Jeff Hardy, then beating him down, and then yet again, and Jeff Hardy continued to get to his feet, Taker spotted it in Jeff as well, and showed some respect to Jeff. And that was all the fans needed.

Phase 37- And now he's…tapping out?

Taker walked into his title match with Angle later that week now beloved by the fans. And then, in the closest ever situation to Taker submitting, Angle got him in a modified Triangle Lock. Taker managed to get it into a pinning predicament, but just as the ref counted three, Taker tapped out.

Tapping to Angle is no shameful situation, but it was a draw since the pinfall and the submission happened at the same time. So Taker has never lost by submission, but he has submitted. There's a bit of trivia for you.

Regardless, this led to Kurt Angle getting slotted into the title match at Vengeance, turning The Rock's one on one into a three way. And in a memorable match, Rock pinned Angle to win Taker's belt. This should have led to Taker joining Smackdown, as since Rock was a SD guy, by beating him Taker took his spot. But by now, Flair was out, and Vince was in full command, through his new General Managers, and he decided to let people go wherever the hell they felt like, so Taker stayed on Raw.

And immediately got annoyed at The Un-Americans. Given that he was an American Badass in-between his periods of being a bitch, he objected to the Un-Americans not liking America for being… well, America. So he got to fight and damm near kill Test at Summerslam, then waved Old Glory about, much to the delight of JR who had forgiven him for that whole ‘shoved into Vince's ass' dealy.

Then the next night he lost a #1 Contender's match on Raw. So, having defended America, he used its laws to jump ship.

Phase 38- Smackdown's Badass

He jumped to Smackdown, winning the SD #1 Contendership his first night. This confusing situation was not that confusing since before the match Brock Lesnar announced he was now exclusive to SD, leading to another World Title being made for Raw. Taker and Brock had some brawls and such, with Matt Hardy running interference between the two. The two met at Unforgiven, and despite Brock, Paul Heyman, AND Matt Hardy trying to help, Taker… drew with the champ, both men brawling to the floor and away, before Taker threw Brock through the set.

This clearly resolved nothing, so at No Mercy, the two were set to have a rematch in a Hell In A Cell match. Brock responded by costing Taker matches against Matt Hardy, making it seem that Taker was cheating on his wife, and then breaking Taker's hand. Taker fought through the pain, showed the world that the bitch was a lying bitch, used the cast as a weapon, and bled more blood than almost any man inside a ring in Wrestling History, but in the end, he fell before Brock Lesnar and lost, a rare crushing defeat for the Deadman.

Taker then gave Brock some respect, and was then press slammed by Big Show off the SD stage, sending Taker on another holiday away from the ring as he recovered.

Phase 39- 2003 starts ugly.

Taker returned at the Royal Rumble, drawing #30, which he does a lot, and being the last man eliminated, Brock Lesnar costing him his WM shot, but Taker respected him for it, provided if Brock won the belt Taker got a shot.

Besides, he had other problems, as Big Show was not happy Taker was back and alive and stuff. The two had a match at No Way Out, where Taker showed that he had watched a lot of MMA while he was out, beating Show with a Triangle Choke. This led to Show's running buddy A-Train attacking Taker. The two men beat down Taker every chance they could, Taker finding an unlikely ally in (sigh) Australian Nathan Jones. These problems were set to end at Wrestlemania XIX, in a tag match, but A-Train and Show beat Jones up in the back, forcing Taker to go it alone. But, with Jones running it at the end and Limp Bizkit playing him to the ring, Taker won the handicap match and went 11-0.

Taker then entered a #1 Contender's match for Brock's title (Brock's promise at the start of the year not standing up). He defeated Rey Mysterio easily, although he showed respect to the guy he just crushed, and then lost against John Cena (who he no longer respected) thanks to the FBI. After beating every member of the FBI a few times over, John Cena got pissy. During his ‘war' with the FBI, Taker showed some respect to newcomer Orlando Jordan. Cena felt that this was outta line, since Taker gave him similar pep talks earlier on, and he felt that Taker should only give it to him. Well, he had a point, looking at where they are now. But Cena wanted a match, and he got one at Vengeance, Taker destroying the future of the WWE, pinning him easily.

Cena demanded a rematch on SD, got it, and won, thanks to A-Train's interference. So Taker started to target him, A-Train injuring Taker's ribs to keep him at arm's length. It sadly didn't work, as Taker beat him cleanly at Summerslam, despite Sable's expert ‘advice'.

Taker then set his sights once again on the World Title, held by Kurt Angle. Their match on Smackdown is somewhat of a lost classic, although it's now on DVD, and was ruined by Brock Lesnar, who won the title 2 weeks later in an Iron Man match. Brock/Taker was then signed to happen again at No Mercy, signed to be a Biker's Chain match since both men used a chain to beat each other up a bit. At No Mercy, Taker lost thanks, not to the FBI's attempted interference, but Vince McMahon's interference. Taker then won a match signed by new SD GM Paul Heyman, beating Lesnar and Show in a Handicap No DQ 2 out of 3 Falls match, thus giving him the right to make a match of his choosing. Instead of another title match, he decided he wanted revenge. So he made a match for Survivor Series. Taker V McMahon.

Buried Alive.

Phase 39b- It don't get any better.

Taker then got in touch with his dark side again, being shown at Gravesites as he prepared to bury Vince McMahon alive. It was however not to be, thanks to Kane, who helped Vince out, and cost Taker the match, burying his half brother alive.

Phase 40- Another downtime

Kane was pleased with himself, crowing about his achievement, telling the world that Taker had turned his back on being a monster, that he was just like the fans and thus deserved to be buried alive. And at first, it seemed he had driven Taker away. But then signs started to appear, and the old mind games that Taker had gotten rid off began to return. And it all led up to Wrestlemania XX, where Kane was sure, sure, that he would have nothing to fear…