The Cheers ‘n Jeers of Wrestling 8.31.08

Posted by Michael O on 08.31.2008

Who gets cheered and who gets jeered? There’s only one way to find out!

Hello everybody. So I had, what I think, was a happy accident with the html and I am presenting this in a new, last minute style that I hope you like. Or at least don't hate too much. I think this looks better, but let me know if it gives you all headaches or seizures or crotch rot or anything. (EDIT:) Nevermind, all that boldness was lost in translation. Please disregard opening transmission

Let's do some Cheerin' and Jeerin'...



CHEERS
to Jeff Hardy and MVP for finally living up to the promise of their excellent exchange on the V.l.P. lounge last month that for whatever reason they'd been incapable of doing until now. I daresay if this was the performance these two put on at Summerslam, that event could've been in contention for PPV of the year because their match on Smizzackdown was off the chizzarts. It's still cool to talk like Snoop Dogg, right? No? My bad. It's still cool to say "my bad", right? No?
Aww, fuck it.

"Damnit! I can't believe I got outbid on that lot of hankies with little unicorns on them!



JEERS
to Kane and Batista for doing the opposite and putting on a terrible main event at last week's RAW. I remember when Kane and Big Show had a surprising match a couple of years ago where they got all cute with the technical holds, but that wasn't a main event between two pissed off motherfuckers who should've been looking to tear chunks out of each other's cheeks. Not cool!


CHEERS
to ECW for getting it's very own Championship Scramble match at Unforgiven. I'm actually inclined to agree with those that think we've got two Scrambles too many, but at least ECW stands a chance of having a world title PPV match that lasts longer than 30 seconds and with everybody piled into these Scramble matches, presumably we have more room on the card for a few stars that might not have otherwise made it to the monthly dance.

Awww...look! It thinks it's a real world championship




CHEERS
to Eric Bischoff, who has finally found his way back from the landfill he'd been living at since Vince "trashed" him on RAW 2 years ago, and who's apparently jonesin' to helm another wrestling organization more than 7 years after wrestling's Titanic sank. Good authority has it that Eric has been in talks with CMT (that's Country Music Television for all you blue staters) about this, the very same network that will be bringing us his and Hogan's Celebreality Wrestling deal in the near future. Despite the fact that this isn't even a sure thing, and I personally think it would fail and I have no interest in it, I've decided that no real harm can come from this.

So what if the man behind it is the same man who in all honesty has had a shaky, albeit successful at times, background in the world of professional wrestling? So what if it ends up being more of a failure than MTV's short lived Wrestling Society X? So what if it never even gets off the ground? In the long run, I see no downside for wrestling fans.

Eric has been quite successful away from the ring producing shows and stuff with that dude from the Wonder Years. You know the one. He was also a prick in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. Anyways, Bischoff has been involved with several shows that have done well and can be taken seriously by the network higher-ups. And Hogan, if you like it or not, has been hotter these last few years than he's been in a long time, though perhaps not for the reasons he'd want. Either way, he is still an important player, as his presence, along with a few other unattached and disgruntled former stars, would guarantee a viewership of some kind.

It might pain TNA marks to hear it, but the void left by WCW for a truly, legitimately and publicly perceived #2 wrestling organization has yet to be filled. Do I think this latest upstart, if it even comes to fruition, has a snowball's chance in hell of filling it? Not really, but as the "Macho Man" Randy Savage once said, you never know what's down the pipe.

Jason Hervey! That's his name.

You might see this on your TV again, only with much less hair


CHEERS
to Santino Marella, a man slightly classier outside of the ring than he is inside of it, for spreadin' the intercontinental wealth and cutting a check to OVW as a token of appreciation to the company that he cut his teeth in.


CHEERS
to the Iron Sheik for the announcement that the WWF world champion and current lunatic will be releasing an "auto" biography. Quotations denote the fact that his tome will likely be ghost written, which is a shame because as anybody who's listened to the Howard Stern show in the last few years can tell you, The Iron Sheik in his uncut, unadulterated incarnation is pure comic gold. I got to see him "perform" earlier this year when the Killers of Comedy tour rolled into town and the sight of a drunken, barely intelligible Sheik slagging off Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior as "nothing but fucking faggots" will be etched into my mind for the rest of my life and, in a small way, could be looked upon as my childhood coming full circle. Or at least a further ironic trampling of it.

This guy is going to put out a book and you're NOT going to read it? Pffft!!




JEERS
to the Grim Reaper of wrestling, not to be confused with wrestling's The Undertaker, for finally claiming Killer Kowalski yesterday morning. As I'm sure you're well aware, the legendary grappler suffered a heart attack earlier this month, went into a coma shortly after, and was taken off life support last week. Condolences to all family, friends and fans.


CHEERS
to Rob Van Dam for doing his part in getting the word out about the wonders of medicinal marijuana and for including footage of him giving Danny Bonadouche a bodyslam in his blog this week.

Sure, it's no big deal that a renowned toker such as RVD would extol the virtues of marijuana and he may not have made any points that others before him haven't made, and made better, but can any of them do a 5 star frog splash? Doubt it.

If you didn't know, his wife has cancer, and also if you didn't know, cancer patients have been known to suffer a little bit less when they smoke some weed, which may or may not be less worse for you and society than many things that are legally available to you in stores across the country right now. But I'm not trying to get into all that. It's too bad that it's usually only stoners like Rob that take the time to distribute this information, usually on web pages adorned with pot leaves that most teetotalers wouldn't be caught dead going to.

What has two thumbs and loves weed?This guy!




Initially I had thought to JEER Vince for this, as apparently it was his "no kids gloves" approach to commentary coaching that caused this to happen, but ultimately I decided to give the

*CHEERS of the Week*
to TNA for their totally presumed and not-officially-official-but-could-happen-at-any-second acquisition of Mick Foley, whose contract with the WWE expires tomorrow. I said in Fact or Fiction a few weeks ago that I didn't think Mrs. Foley's baby boy would be a boon to the Orlando company's ratings or buyrates and while I still believe that to be true, at the very least Mick will bring a little more prestige to the company. The worth of that is judged on an individual basis, but any way you look at it he's a legend who's recently proven that he's also more than capable of delivering compelling television.

In what I suppose is now his final appearance with "The E" (well, for now), Foley showed that he is still good by giving one of the best promos of '08 in a year that's been stacked with them and taking a pretty good bashing from Edge in the process.

At worst, Mick will barely justify the huge paycheck he's sure to receive smoking West and Tenay out of the announce booth and the all important ratings will continue to languish in the low ones. At best, TNA receives one more good cog in the only wrestling machine on TV that Vince didn't build and adds to a roster that may one day get the alchemy right to see an increase in viewership. If you're a wrestling organization and you have Mick Foley on board, you're doing alright for yourself in my books.

Will the cheap pop be effective on a show that emanates from the same city every week? We'll see...




*JEERS of the week*
to injuries, those pesky detriments that have besieged the WWE once again, causing John Cena to be added to the list of upper-tier performers currently on the shelf. John underwent surgery that was apparently quite effective as he was seen at this week's Smackdown taping the very next day, though we likely won't be seeing him in the ring again until closer to the end of the year. I'm no Cena fan but it always sucks when somebody gets hurt and obviously it's an extra kick in the nuts for the guy considering that it was just about a year ago that he was taken out of action thanks to a torn pec.

Of course, Umaga, Mr. Kennedy and that Randiest of Ortons are all out as well nursing wounds of their own. Hopefully no one else gets hurt or fails a pee-pee test in the next week or we could end up with Mike Knox or Festus in one of the Championship Scrambles.

Should Batista come down with a last minute case of explosive diarrhea, this man is ready to step in




What's good in the hood or this is what I read on 411 today:

L DIZZLE'S SUNDAY BRIZZLE

THE ONLY NEWS REPORT FOCUSED SOLELY ON THE BUSINESS OF WRESTLING (until you-know-who decides they want in)

FREE PORNO!

NEWS YOU CAN'T USE

BYE KILLER!


So that's that. Thanks for reading and have fun getting shitfaced tonight since it's a long weekend and you don't have to work tomorrow. Or have fun if you do have to work tomorrow, despite the long weekend. If you can. Bye-bye.