The Cheers 'n Jeers of Wrestling 9.07.08

Posted by Michael O on 09.07.2008

"Not that there is anything wrong with either, of course..."

Greetings all, I'm Michael O and this is the Cheers 'n Jeers of wrestling. I'd like to hand out my first CHEERS right here and right now to Larry Csonka for making me chuckle just moments ago when I read this post in a staff thread regarding an upcoming, vote based feature:

"SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTHS AND GET SOME MORE FUCKING VOTES IN!"

Larry Csonka, ladies and gentlemen, as magnanimous as he is even-tempered.
He wasn't addressing me, but I better shut my whore mouth and end this 411 backstage pass because I haven't voted yet either!

Speaking of 411, did you know it has a Myspace page? And did you know it totally rocks and you can get more great behind-the-scenes nuggets such as that one and you're 80% more likely to "get some" if you add yourself as a friend? Well you do now!

What's that? Why the fuck would you want to add 411mania as a friend on MySpace? Who cares. Just do it, Sucka!

On with the Cheers...


CHEERS
to Randy Orton for kicking ass (figuratively) and taking names (literally) this past Monday on RAW. Randy is no microphone assassin but he made great use of his stick time when he put in an appearance, calling out Rhodes, DiBiase and CM for being punks while reminding everybody that he was just this side of Triple H in terms of being THE man on Monday nights when he left. I look forward to Orton's return, as do Punk and his world title belt as both could use a boost right about now and I think a Randy/Punk feud has real potential, not to mention the possibility of a new heel stable in the works.

If you looked at this for longer than it took to scroll past it, you're gay



JEERS
to D'Lo Brown for losing to Santino freakin' Marella in under two minutes and saying goodbye to any and all momentum he may have had since returning to "The E". I actually was hoping that D'Lo would be up for an I-C run the moment Santino won it, but that seems a lot less likely now and unless we see something to the contrary in the very near future, I'll be assuming D'Lo will be traveling with Val Venis from here on out. Santino is great, but holding the #2 belt doesn't automatically make you not the guy who regularly loses to everybody, women and pseudo celebrities included. If you are that guy. And Santino is.

CHEERS
to Santino Marella for the advent of the Honk-O-Meter and for picking up a rare victory over a man this past week when he beat D'Lo Brown. In case you didn't know, (you don't have to call anybody about it, though...hahaha *ahem*) the Honk-O-Meter will track the number of weeks Santino has left to go to unseat The Honky Tonk Man as longest reigning I-C champ ever. Of course, if this was paid off by the Honker himself showing up and blasting Santino with a guitar, costing him the belt on the eve of his accomplishment, I might begin to consider the existence of a higher power, but I doubt "The E" would have the chutzpah to follow through with it. Stranger things have happened though, and the I-C title has lost enough luster in the last few years to the point that I could see no harm coming from such tomfoolery. Book it!

"I got the REAL Honk-O-Meter right here!"




CHEERS
to Jamie Noble for picking up his first win as a RAW superstar this past week. In fact, his win over William Regal may be his first of the year. September is going to be Jamie's month, I can feel it!

CHEERS
to Miz & Morrison for bringing the "ha ha's" with this week's live Dirt Sheet on ECW, where we learned that Johnny has beaten Stephen Hawking in 44 straight games of Parcheesi and Carl Sagan is one lucky corpse as he would have met similar defeat. It was also nice to have the short-lived and ill fated Kerwin White gimmick pay off 3 years later in the form of a great burn on Chavo.

Lest we forget...



JEERS
to the downright massacre of The Great Khali's credibility as a mega monster with a series of losses beginning at Summerslam, and continuing through to this week's Smackdown. Khali might not be the best big man of all time and I wouldn't want to watch many of the matches on his DVD were he to have one (though I would totally buy it), but he'd been kept reasonably strong in the two plus years he's been around, with only a handful of infrequent losses to men such as the Undertaker and John Cena.

Now, after losing to Jeff Hardy in a short match where he took little offense, he's falling to the mighty Hunter like so much dead wood. I think it's good to have a seemingly unbeatable monster around, though I suppose an argument could be made that with 'Taker having just returned, we need not have two.
Oh well, maybe he's only another Bollywood blockbuster away from yet another monster push.

"I DESERVE BETTER!"



CHEERS
to Norman Smiley, whose talents as a developmental trainer will now be put to use by the WWE, who'd evidently been humming and hawing about this for over 7 years now. For you youngin's, and you who have short memories, I'll defer to the Norman Smiley fan club website, which is a damn fine site despite the fact that my fan club membership is still pending. At least I'm not banned 4 life like that one dude OMG! *LOLlerskates*

CHEERS
to THE Brian Kendrick for picking up a high profile win against big shot main eventer Jeff Hardy on Smackdown, proving that while he may not be destined for the WWE title tonight, he at least doesn't appear to be destined for the dust bin anytime soon.

"Yeah, Paul, I'd love to hang out with you too...it's just, I've been really busy lately. When? Sunday? Uh...gee..uh, Sunday's no good for me, man. Yeah, I got that match. Geez, no, I don't have any comp tickets left, man. Yep, gave the last one to somebody else yesterday. But yeah, I'll call you later in the week and we'll totally hang out, I promise."




CHEERS
to Beer Money and James Storm for having been sent by TNA to do some of that thare promotin' on thuh CMT network...Hy-uck! I can't say as I've caught a lot of CMT programming myself, but it's a channel, and people watch it, so good for them for attempting to get the name out by having a trio of TNA stars participate in some sort of country music video countdown. TNA of course has done some crossover work with NASCAR and this would seem to continue the trend of reaching out to the rednecks and maybe it's not the worst idea in the world to do so.

Wrestling has a rich tradition in the South and I'll bet dollars to dildos that there's more than a couple of good ol' boys who've turned their nose up at the WWE and their city slickin' ways. Regardless, it's safe to say that are still quite a few people in America who have no idea that TNA exists or have cursory knowledge of the brand but think of them only as the minor leagues, and this certainly couldn't hurt in chipping away at either problem.

TNA's current tag team champions in leaner times



CHEERS
to Shawn Michaels and his heeding the sage advice of Randy Savage and being a man for not letting a small triceps tear get in the way of his match against Chris Jericho tonight at Unforgiven. I think our collective hearts skipped a beat when word of Michael's injury hit the street, particularly those among us who may have already ordered the show, and I'm pleased as punch that it was nothing so serious as to see the match cancelled. It's doubtful that the show stopping heartbreaker will give anything less than everything he's got tonight, so here's to the hope that the damage will not become exacerbated during the course of what should be an extremely physical contest.


Another one for the ladies...and the Cena fans





*CHEERS of the Week*
to The Wrestler, Darren Aronofsky's forthcoming flick, for scoring a rave review in Variety and picking up a Leone d'Oro, which happens to be the highest award that the prestigious Venice Film Festival has to bestow. I loved Darren's first two movies, Pi and Requiem for a Dream and I'm intrigued by his foray into this subject matter and pleased that it's being received as well as it has been thus far, though it remains to be seen if the critical praise will translate to good box office or anybody giving a shit about wrestling who doesn't already.

Our favorite non-sport hasn't fared so well on the big screen in the past but it sounds like we're in for something that may be marginally better than Bodyslam! while No Holds Barred certainly set the precedent should Mickey Rourke choose a side career in the WWE. Wrestlemania looms in the distance and Big Show is going to need a non-wrestler to lose to, so cross your fingers!

Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei and ROH are better than David Arquette, Scott Caan and WCW? Who knew?
Well, besides everybody.




*JEERS of the week*
to the proverbial doghouse, which MVP is supposedly in following an alleged insult he hurled at a piss test taker according to an item coming from the Wrestling Observer. When I read about this in the Small-for-all news report the other day, I immediately became incensed, or at least as incensed about wrestling news as I tend to get, which is less than "real" news and more than I'd care to admit in public.MVP asked the piss test taker if he went to college and when the man said yes, Porter retorted with something to the effect of "you spent four years in school to watch people's dicks", apparently causing the man to go straight to Brother Love, err, Bruce Pritchard and Johnny Ace crying rape.

Which, if this is true, is total fuckin' bullshit because being a dick to a piss test taker should not be grounds for a de-push in my opinion. The fact that MVP was jobbed hard on this week's Smackdown and was clearly being portrayed in a weaker fashion than we've come to expect lends credence to the story. Granted, there may be a history of dickish behavior with MVP that we are not aware of, but if that's not the case and this wasn't a straw that broke some camel's back, is it really worth it to put the brakes on his momentum?

MVP has come into his own this past year and really stepped up his game in recent months, at times proving his stage name to be aptly prophetic.
Smackdown and the WWE in general can always use another heel at the top of the card and MVP seemed to be headed in that direction for a little while now. It remains to be seen if MVP has the stuff to break the glass ceiling and stay there, but I think in today's climate of sudden injuries that can cause several key players to be sidelined at once, it could be detrimental in the long run to neuter somebody with the upside of MVP over petty bullshit. It's not like he pissed on the guy, or threw pee in his face.

"See Brother Montel, we're going to have to ask you to take yer pee-pee out for the nice man and we need you to looooooove it"





What's good in the hood or this is what I read on 411 today:

L DIZZLE'S SUNDAY BRIZZLE

THE ONLY NEWS REPORT FOCUSED SOLELY ON THE BUSINESS OF WRESTLING (congrats on making it to the big 5-0)

FREE PORNO!

Need a friend?



That does it for me this week. Check out the Randle report (the "T" is silent) later tonight, or I suppose tomorrow morning for all you non-nocturnals, which perhaps is most of you. Have fun being in school if you are and try not to get shot! T.T.F.N.