Wacky Wrestling Theory 09.11.08: Things Falling vs. Getting Hit on the Head

Yes, the debates rage on in coffee houses and Burger King parking lots everywhere, what shocks you more in pro-wrestling: seeing something or someone fall or seeing a wrestler get hit in the head? Educated wrestling fans may espouse the virtue of ring psychology and ‘workrate,’ spinning dives and submission reversals, but they are just as quick to pop for a hardcore shock stunt as any Joe, Bob, Jim or Jane from Averagetown, USA. So, to make a list and pit two great aspects of hardcore wrestling against each other is my wacky goal today and hopefully we can find out a little bit about ourselves along this journey of head knockin’, story plungin’, discovery.

Wrestling fans know all too well the real tragedy that can occur from long distance plummets. When a fall is controlled though, the thrill and the danger are exhilarating to the spectator. Undoubtedly, the sight of a wrestler launching off of a high platform as a projectile is awesome, but when the fall is not ‘intentional’ then the excitement is amped up big time. When a wrestler falls from the top rope, the ring apron or the ramp there is a sense that the action is some kind of mistake and forces the audience to suspend their disbelief in the ‘reality’ of pro-wrestling for a moment and experience spontaneous fun-fear.

Getting hit on the head by something hard is the antithesis of falling. Instead of an entire mass plummeting to the ground, the focus is on one specific danger zone on the body. Whereas both are about intense impact, wrestling fans react to seeing wrestlers get hit hard on the head as a shared cultural experince. To ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ as a wrestler takes another chair shot to the skull, bonds wrestling fans and friends like surviving a car crash or ducking from gunfire in a nightclub.

Which one carries the biggest jolt of excitement to the pro-wrestling audience?

Unlike the tournament I wrote a couple of months ago about Masks vs. Face Paint that ended in a draw, this time I will make sure to choose a definite winner in each category, in hopes of getting to the bottom of the comparison.

Shall we begin?

Round 1

Jim Cornette scaffold fall vs. Roddy Piper coconut smash

The Road Warriors vs. The Midnight Express in a Scaffold Match, not one of greatest moments of pro-wrestling gimmick delivery, but memorably nonetheless. Instead of winning the match by throwing somebody off of the scaffold, poor Jim Cornette had to take an awkward hang-drop into the middle of the ring. Although not the best example of ‘things falling’ it does illustrate the anticipation and unpredictability of falling in pro-wrestling. This classic fall holds a significant lesson in audience ‘scaffold’ expectation that still hasn’t been learned today as Elevation X matches in TNA are still booked as innovative and ‘dangerous.’ Cornette proved that it is difficult to balance on the thin line between dangerously real and ridiculously lame, but he did it with such panache that most wrestling fans from that era still remember the image of that goofy looking fall.

Speaking of classics, there is no more classic moment of a wrestler getting hit in the head by a hard object than when Rowdy Roddy Piper broke a coconut over the dome of Jimmy ‘Superfly’ Snuka. Piper single handedly raised the bar for bad guy activity in the era of home video and rewinding. How many times was that copy of the old ‘Piper’s Greatest Hits’ re-rented at the local video store just to catch another glimpse of this dastardly deed? No longer was it enough just to act cocky funny and backstab your friends, but Piper put on a show, imitated criminal assault, and did something that looked like it officially hurt like hell. When that coconut burst open on impact wrestling fans were filled with more glee than they would be on a beach where coconuts grow, and for that Piper gets the point here.

Round 2

Sting-on-fire fall vs. HBK chair shot on the Undertaker

On one of the first nights in formation of Degeneration X, Shawn Michaels, feeling ‘guilty’ after costing the Undertaker his WWF Championship with an unintentional chair shot at the SummerSlam ’97 main event, followed up on RAW with a pair of very intentional chair shots that rocked the Undertaker to end the show. In my opinion, those shots to the head were as painful looking and emotional as almost any in the history of wrestling. What sold the impact even more was the line of blood across the undertaker’s forehead that looked like a horror movie slash.

On the other hand, speaking of horror movie drama, the late WCW feud between Sting and Vampiro cumulated in a ‘Human Torch Match’ where the winner had to set the other guy on fire. Sure, sounds just like a WWF ‘Inferno Match’ right, well not so fast. In this case, the torch needed for igniting the opponent was on top of the jumbotron scaffolding, thus leading to Sting (or a guy conveniently substituting for Sting) not only being set on fire at the top of the arena, but also jumping to the floor afterwards. I’m sorry but a man on fire, that’s super cool, but a man on fire falling from a huge height, that’s just unbeatably awesome. One point to ‘things falling.’

Round 3

Cactus & Funk dumpster drop vs. Tommy Dreamer stop sign hit on Raven

When that dumpster went off the side of the RAW ramp, with the beloved yet crazy Cactus Jack, and his crotchety old mentor, Chainsaw ‘Terry Funk’ Charlie, inside, there was a true sense of danger at the time, and not just for the wrestlers trapped in the steel box. The attitude that RAW was crossing the line in order to win the TV ratings war showed that no one was safe. Even the respected hardcore legends, who had earned the right to take each other to the brink of death, were targets for frat boy jobbers like the ‘New Age Outlaws’ who were looking to make a name for themselves and put RAW on the map.

Around that same era, in ECW, some underground wrestlers where trying to forge an identity that appealed to the generation of older fans who wanted a relatable wrestling show and not cartoon farce or retirement home feuds. Tommy Dreamer and Raven were the embodiment of the mature and violent style of wrestling being forged in the bowels of South Philadelphia. ECW had a reputation for re-popularizing ‘blading’ and extreme head shots with chairs, cookie sheets, Nintendo Entertainment Systems or anything else the fans brought to ringside. On one occasion, a fan held up a snarky sign that urged Tommy to ‘Use My Sign’ supposedly as a weapon. Odd, one might think, a piece of flimsy cardboard is no weapon. Well, of course the sign knocked Raven and his cronies out cold with a warped steel warble. Tommy then tore away the paper to reveal a full-sized, metal stop sign.

Although the ‘Use my Sign’ stunt is cute, time has not been friendly to that gag, whereas the danger of the falling dumpster in the old RAW footage still feels real. The emotions in both of these examples are what really make the moments special. You could see the adrenaline pumping through Dreamer as he was truly transcendent in that match against his greatest rival. In the end though, it is the respect that a life long wrestling fan like Tommy Dreamer would have for Cactus and Funk that makes their thudding drop, in the midst of the Monday night wars, more crucial and poignant. A second point goes to ‘things falling.’

Round 4

Shane McMahon falling off of the Titantron vs. Garbage can ‘Van Terminator’ on Vince

Everyone remembers the plagiarized turnbuckle coast-to-coast ‘Van Terminator’ Shane McMahon delivered to his father at the Wrestlemania X-7 Street Fight. Not only did Shane fly with the grace of an ECW acrobat but he also double stomped a trash can into his father’s face. There have been many trash can shots over the years, so many that the trash can itself has started to seem as dangerous as a smash with a sheet of tin foil. Shane made this attack look and sound enormous, buckling the can with the weight of his whole flying body. The fact that Vince McMahon himself was on the receiving end of not just a hard hit to the head, but one induced by his son following an incredible athletic feat, makes the moment that much more remarkable.

Say what you will about Shane McMahon the wrestler, but the guy puts his body on the line. When Shane is wrestling on pay-per-view, you know you are going to get a memorable moment, it’s his royal McMahon blood. He definitely set the bar pretty high by falling from the Titantron at the end of his Hardcore match with the lethal stick of dynamite Steve Blackman at SummerSlam ’00.

The leaping drop kick can leave you awe-struck, especially with the chorus of Wrestlemania camera flashes that accompany the facial impact. The fall from the Titantron is extra special because of the speed Shane shows on the way down. Sure we’ve all seen people fall in the movies, but on live TV? At the halfway point of his descent the speed of the fall starts to visualize in his floating arms and hair. This realistic touch could never be truly duplicated by Hollywood CGI and watching Shane fall you can almost get that roller coaster drop of excitement in the pit of your stomach. That is a fall worthy of reward, point to ‘things falling.’

Round 5

Road Warrior Hawk ‘suicide’ vs. Macho King scepter attack on Ultimate Warrior

Hawk was having problems in this odd mid-card storyline, mental breakdowns, tripping, drugs, dancing, you name it, he was a regular high school girl. He even went as far as to attempt ‘suicide’ by jumping off of the Titantron… or was he pushed by his pusher Droz?

Speaking of suicide, career suicide that is, provoking the Ultimate Warrior in 1991 was a bad move for the Macho King, Randy Savage, as it ultimately led to his ‘retirement’ at Wrestlemania VII. Regardless, the head shot Savage gave Warrior with his royal scepter, costing Warrior the WWF Title, is a fireworks worthy explosion of plastic shrapnel and sticky 80s hair.

Although Hawk’s problems were hilarious and enthralling, his fall was merely a silhouette behind the Titantron screen and cannot compare to the devastation of the passionate scepter attack that took out the Ultimate Warrior. A second point to ‘getting hit on the head.’

Round 6

Hell in a Cell fall through the cage roof vs. “I Quit” Match unprotected chair shots

I promised that I would decide a definite winner in each category, so this is a tough place to finish. Mankind probably has the most memorable moments of falling and getting hit in the head in the entire history of wrestling. Mankind being a glutton for punishment was more than just a clever metaphor, it was marketing genius. Who wouldn’t want to tune in to see a man almost die on TV? Apparently no one, as pro-wrestling was at the peak of popularity when Mankind’s safety was constantly in jeopardy.

Being thrown off of the top of the Hell in a Cell cage the first time was shocking enough, but who would have though he’d get back up on top and challenge the Undertaker to keep the match going? Truly, a more exhilarating moment in pro-wrestling can not be found. When Mankind was choke-slammed on the top of the cage and busted through it, the visual of the fencing caving in and Mankind’s body crumpling unprotected on the mat were exponentially more devastating than the highlight reel plunge he’d only taken moments earlier. Yet the man survived.

He almost did not survive the series of unprotected headshots given to him by The Rock at an “I Quit” match at the Royal Rumble 1999. Those brutal and borderline illegal chair-shots were immortalized in the Beyond the Mat documentary for traumatizing the on-looking family of the handcuffed man behind the blood caked Mankind mask. In boxing or MMA, that fight would have been stopped, but since wrestling is ‘fake’ the show must go on. And it seemed to go on and on. Each hit was shotgun blast loud and thudded like a dull axe on a splintered log.

The Hell in a Cell fall was a crazy spectacle, and infinitely re-watchable, but those “I Quit” chair shots are the most cringe inducing moments in my wrestling watching career. Due to the severity of the blows and the blood thirsty emotional surge I felt at the time (and am horrified to recall) I have to give the chair shots the point here, as I feel that that any one of those could be considered the most horrific and vicious hit to the head of all time.

But wait… oh no, that means that Things Falling and Getting Hit in the Head are both tied at three.

Ugh, oh well, what can you do. This wacky debate must live on….