The Cheers 'n Jeers of Wrestling 9.21.08: Punk Owns Jamestown, Not Again for Batista and JBL, Hardy and the Airport and More!

Posted by Michael O on 09.21.2008

What do Russians, Divorce, Airports and ladder matches have in common? Not too much, but they're all here.

Hi everybody! For the three or four of you that may care, an unforeseen technical malfunction forced me to forego this week's edition of The Dope on Smackdown. I'd apologize, but I realize that this is very likely good news for just as many as it is bad, so we'll call it a push. C U NexT week with that.

I'd also like to quickly address last week, and my giving of a JEERS to Midway's new TNA game without having actually played it. Allow me to clarify that this column doesn't exist to review things, so much as to give a simple thumbs up or thumbs down to the goings on in the wrestling world and perhaps some of those things that orbit it. That is not to say that I'll do much commenting on things I haven't watched, but if, say, a controversial title switch were made and I have opinions on the fallout, I'll discuss it whether I watched it or not.

Regardless, I stand by my JEERing of the still unplayed (by me) game, because I don't need to play it to know that it has the most paltry roster of any wrestling game since perhaps the original Smackdown, a moveset that makes The Great Khali look like Dean Malenko, and there's like three different match types, all of them perfunctory save for the Ultimate X. Oh yeah, and apparently Kurt Angle doesn't even have his freakin' ankle lock, which sucks out loud.

On with the Cheers...



CHEERS
to CM Punk for getting the keys to the city. Which city, you ask? Eh, Jamestown, New York. Yeah, I haven't heard of it either, but Punk was given the run of the place at the beginning of this month during a WWE house show stop, courtesy of the mayor and a city councilman. What does it mean when you get the keys to the city anyway? Are you able to like, go get drunk at the zoo or set up a blackjack table at the library in the middle of the night? Inquiring minds need to know so if you run into Punk, be sure and ask him for me.

"Jamestown just got a lot more straight edge...BITCH!"



JEERS
to No Mercy for having another boring ass JBL/Batista bout on the card, but

CHEERS
to the very same No Mercy for presenting Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels in a ladder match for the World Heavyweight Championship. Now that's what I call a match. I heard that when you order the PPV, they actually send you a shammy so you can wipe all the splooge off your TV. I also heard TNA may soon follow suit, which is a really good idea if there are to be any more porn-termissions.

Yep...these two and a ladder. Makes your pants sneeze, doesn't it?



CHEERS
to Vladimir Kozlov for kicking the shit out of Triple H on Smackdown and finally doing something besides gettin' his squash on. I remarked a few weeks back that Kozlov's prospects were likely to go up in the face of Russia's then recent transgressions, but we've since seen that situation cool off and I'd begun to lessen any expectations for the Rooskie. Now he's thrust himself into the main event mix by going after the challenger and champion at the same time.

I don't know where exactly that will lead or whether this is the start of a prolonged push or just something to kill time, but if it leads to less jobber squash matches, which the WWE have become increasingly dependant on in recent times, I'm all for it. Like most, I wasn't too big on Kozlov initially, though that had more to do with the week-in, week-out squashes than anything against the man himself, and I've become increasingly interested in the big lug thanks to some of his bad ass offense and decent overall ring presence. I also like that nearly six months of dwarf tossing is finally paying off.

Vladimir Kozlov. Not pictured: the young lady responsible for that grin.




JEERS
to Kane for putting the mask back on for a quick promo this week on RAW. It must be said that the promo itself was good, but Kane's inevitable re-masking should be saved for a much bigger moment, in my opinion. I know, I know, it's not back for good yet and this could merely be viewed as foreshadowing, but I think the people who want to see Kane return to his roots don't need the tease to whet their appetite and stunts like this could severely damage the impact of his first post, post mask appearance.

Bonus JEERS to Evan Bourne for popping up at the end for a brief tête-à-tête with Kane, the less of which is said, the better. Clearly Evan should have spent a least a few weeks out of the Summer at "Camp Promo" and must be kept as far away from a hot mic as Jesse Jackson until such time that a vast improvement has been made.

No Kane, I said Jeers




I had wanted to give a big ol'
CHEERS
to Sabu for making his return to the ring against Steve Corino this weekend after a lengthy sabbatical, but I'm not sure that it even happened. I can't find any information about the match beyond a news item, which had no details beyond the fact that the two men were set to square off in Puerto Rico.

Though 411 has proven to be mightily reliable in the past (and that's not a cheap plug, ya mark, it's why I've been coming here for as many years as I have), a quick look at Steve Corino's website shows that he is scheduled to be wrestling in Philly today, but websites have been known to employ slackers who don't update schedules, so I'm not sure what to think. Plus, a review of Sabu's appearance track record this year shows that every match he's had scheduled since February has resulted in a cancellation due to the various back injuries he's incurred over the years, so if it was set to happen, it very well may have been called off at the last minute anyhow. So, if Sabu returned this weekend, then CHEERS. If not, well...I guess as Da Bomb would say, have a great week anyway, Sabu!

The dentist who told him not to brush with barbed wire was put through a table



CHEERS
to Adam Pearce for relieving Brent Albright of the NWA World title at last night's ROH 7: The ROHd to Glory or whatever it was called. It's kind of sad that Vince's bastardized, barely two year old ECW strap means a lot more than the once majestic NWA championship these days, but what can you do? I'll tell you what ya can't do and that's relive some of that belt's glory years in the Starrcade DVD set. Those fuckers.

JEERS
to divorce, which is what Kurt & Karen Angle's marriage looks to be ending in. You could say this is a case of life imitating art, but since the Angles had been known to hit their share of rocky patches since well before they came to TNA, I'd say it's more a case life imitating life. Divorce happens, more often than not, statistically speaking, but it's a shitty deal and I wish them both well. Apparently the Angles are still getting along fine professionally which is good news and hopefully things don't take a nasty turn, 'cause I bet it's really hard to cut a gold medal in half.

The sexy side of divorce or Mea Culpa for that Orton pic from a few weeks ago




*CHEERS of the Week*
to Sonny Siaki, who will be putting an end to his wrestling career in order to go under the knife and donate a kidney to his brother, who is suffering from Renal Kidney Failure. I don't know what Renal Kidney Failure is, but it sounds like it sucks ass and Siaki, who may be best known from his WCW days, or perhaps his run during the early days of TNA, will be hanging up his boots for good as evidently you need to have at least two kidneys to wrestle. I'd probably be lying if I said wrestling will never be the same for me now that Siaki is gone, and I'm sure there's some asshole out there who will make a quip in regards to Sonny not having had the best or most memorable career, but that doesn't diminish his incredibly selfless act. I bet there are a whole lot of people out there who would say that they'd do the very same thing and very few who actually would. Giving up wrestling to save your bro...what else can I say than CHEERS to you, Sonny Siaki! Oh, and go here if you want.

A better brother than you. Well, maybe not you, but definitely me.




*JEERS of the week*
to uppity airports and their treatment of Jeff Hardy, which caused a furious frenzy of online speculation this week. Of course, it was much ado about nothing, but I've never understood why you can't get shit-faced before you fly anyway. It's not like Jeff was going to fly the plane, and flying is really stressful for a lot of people. How could you begrudge anybody their relaxation?

And speaking from personal experience, sometimes people who are not inebriated, or are, but not that much, get confused for people who are extremely inebriated and are unjustly asked to leave wherever they may be. I'm not saying that was the case here, though the evidence would suggest that as being likely, I'm just sayin'. All I know is that I breathed a huge sigh of relief once Jeff was found to not be in any trouble for anything, with absolutely no expectation of a forthcoming "we wish him well" as many had been calling.

It's not that I want to see Jeff overcome any lingering "demons" and ultimately become (one of the) world champion(s) because he's my favorite wrestler, or because I think he's the most worthy or deserving member of the roster. I want to see Jeff prevail and win the big one because as a long time viewer of the WWE, he's truly one of the last remaining stars of a bygone era who could still feasibly pull off such a feat. Besides his brother (well, Mizark then, too!), we're pretty much looking at Val Venis and William Regal as the last vestiges of the old guard who haven't had their big moment, and I think it's safe to say the future won't be holding too many Wrestlemania main events for either.

Anyways, whatever the hell happened, it sounds like the E is letting it slide and filing it under miscommunication, though I anticipate plenty of rubes crying doghouse once Jeff loses the WWE title match at No Mercy that he wasn't going to win anyway.
Bonus CHEERS to the Jedi Mind Trick, which may have been used to ensure no recourse from his employers.

"Jeff Hardy was not drunk on the plane...you have no reason to punish Jeff Hardy...you want him to main event Wrestlemania...every year"



What's good in the hood or this is what I read on 411 today:

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Got any cheers? Got any jeers? Hate my fucking guts? Why don'tcha comment about it then, big shot? Stephen Randle will be delivering news later tonight, fresh and icy cold from the igloos of Canada and I'll be delivering a big fat joint to my lips, because it's Sunday and it's what Jesus would do...if he was cool.

Try and have a great week, K?