The Custom Made News Report 10.02.08

Posted by Ryan Byers on 10.02.2008

Rey Misterio, Jr.'s future is questioned, Frank Trigg gets put on the shelf, TNA draws poorly, fashion tips for indy wrestling fans, and much more!

Welcome, one and all, to the special "one night only" return of the Custom Made News Report, taking place almost five months to the day after the column's swan song as a regular feature on this very website. For those of you who may not be familiar with me, I'm Ryan, and you can get all of the background you need about me and my writing here.

Of course, the fact that you're reading this that means Jeff Small is off for the week. He'll be back in seven days, but he had to take a brief hiatus because [insert joke based on some running gag that Small uses in his news report. Surely he has at least one.]

All the Stuff from Stamford

Rey Misterio: The Littlest Big Draw?

There's often a lot of debate over who the biggest "draw" in wrestling is, i.e. the guy whose presence on a particular card results in the most fans either tuning in or buying tickets. Generally speaking, a promotion's primary champion is given the most credit for bringing fans out to arenas (or takes the most heat, depending on how business is doing), but with there being three major championships in the world's largest company and with titles meaning less in wrestling than they ever have before, that concept might be a little outdated.

One of the most interesting trends in "drawing" over the last several years has involved none other than Rey Misterio, Jr. If you compare quarter-hours of Smackdown shows that featured Rey to quarter-hours of Smackdown shows that did not feature Rey, the Misterio-laden segments were almost always rated more highly. If you compare attendance at houses show in border towns featuring Rey to house show attendance almost anywhere else in the country, the numbers where Rey appeared were higher.

Unfortunately, WWE may have killed the goose which laid that golden egg . . .


Rey Misterio, Jr. goes face to face with Rey Misterio, Sr.

According to the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, Smackdown, which used to be one of the highest rated network television shows among Latinos, is now only "slightly above" the national average in terms of Latino viewers. Oddly enough, the drop has been a slow one that began almost immediately after Misterio left the Smackdown show as part of this year's WWE draft. (The publication did not have information on whether the drop in SD's Latino viewers has corresponded with an increase in Raw's popularity with the Spanish-speaking demographic.)

On hearing this news, many people have immediately jumped to the conclusion that having Misterio switch brands was a mistake and that he should be moved back. However, I have to say that those conclusions are being jumped to a bit prematurely. That's not to say that he should stay put, however. It's a move that we're going to have to wait a little while to fully evaluate, and I think that the question of whether to leave the masked man where he is or send him packing will depend on the fallout from two other major news stories from the not-too-distant past.

The first of these stories is the upcoming move of the Smackdown program to MyNetwork Television, which will finally be taking place this coming Friday. Some have speculated that the MyNetwork move will have virtually no effect on SD's numbers given that MNTV and the show's former station, The CW, are available in virtually the same number of homes across the United States. Others have argued that, regardless of how many viewers are technically able to access the network, the fact that MyNetwork has a significantly lower profile on the national stage than does CW will result in some fans having difficulty finding the new locale of the Friday evening institution.

What role does Misterio play in the MyNetwork move? If rating trends have shown us anything about Rey Rey and his connection with the Latino fanbase, it is that those viewers are fiercely loyal to the little man from the 619. If it looks like the MyNetwork move has been a flop after the first month or so, WWE might seriously consider moving Rey back to the brand that he has been a member of for the vast majority of his WWE career. Granted, having a Misterio-fueled Hispanic fanbase is not the difference between doing a 2.0 rating and a 3.0 rating. However, even if the overall number does not move much, television marketing in the twenty-first century is much more about finding a niche than it is about appealing the broadest audience possible. Even with lower ratings than it has had in the past, if Smackdown can still attract one of the largest Latino audiences on network television and attract the advertising dollars to match, they could still be considered a success on MyNetwork.

The second story to consider in whether to pull the former Smackdown Champion from Raw is the recent announcement that WWE has inked a deal which will see the Monday night powerhouse airing live south of the border. Though I've gone on record many times in the past as saying that the difference between live television and taped television is insignificant, the fact of the matter is that almost nobody who is actually part of the professional wrestling industry sees it that way, which no doubt means that live Raw in Mexico will equal a huge push by WWE to make the show as big of a deal there as it is in its home country. Obviously, Misterio could be at the center of that push if WWE so desires. Making Raw a cultural institution in Mexico isn't impossible without the little guy, but it certainly does make the task seem a lot easier.

Thus, when and if the powers that be in Titan Towers consider moving Misterio back to his home brand, they're going to have a bevy of contingencies to contemplate. Will the move help revive the dying Smackdown Latino demographic, or is it too late? Does SD on MNTV really need that kind of boost? Will it be necessary to keep Smackdown afloat? Is Rey a required piece of the puzzle when it comes to making Monday Night Raw a habit of Mexican viewers? If so, is this more important than potentially strengthening Smackdown?

There are several questions to be answered, each one of them more interesting than next. In any event, it sure seems like a lot of weight to put on the shoulders of a man who only stands 5'2" . . .

Elevating the Valley

From a story about WWE televison we move on to discussing the not quite ready for prime-time players of Ohio Valley Wrestling.

According to Figure Four Weekly, OVW, currently owned by "Nightmare" Danny Davis, is once again working with World Wrestling Entertainment. Though OVDub has not been brought back as an official developmental territory for the company, the E will be periodically sending some of its stars down to the promotion for television tapings and major shows. This is apparently in part a response to recent financial difficulties which have been faced by Davis' crew, who have had to shuffle their show schedules and increase ticket prices in order to save costs and keep their heads above water.

Long-time readers of mine will easily be able to guess that I am a fan of this move. As I noted when OVW and WWE first severed ties, I do not think that there is any better place to learn to be an American-style professional wrestler than in the small, Kentucky-based indy. No other wrestling school in the country is attached to a promotion which offers a spot show loop which allows trainees to work four to five dates per week. No other wrestling school in the country can lay claim to two weekly television programs in a relatively strong market. No other wrestling school in the country has a team of trainers that can say that it had a hand in producing stars on the level of John Cena, Randy Orton, and Batista. There's no reason to believe that, even though WWE is still maintaining its own developmental system, that OVW won't continue to produce major players in the professional wrestling industry for years if not decades to come.

I think that WWE recognizes this, and I think that is why they are glad to help prop the promotion up through what appears to be an uncharacteristic rough patch. Granted, it would be far better for everybody involved if WWE reinstated OVW's developmental status and gave up on the Florida Championship Wrestling territory that seems to have been nothing but a comedy of errors, but I digress . . .

Special Essay

What I'm getting ready to write about here is something that has been bothering me for a while. There's a lot of pent-up frustration here. A lot of unspoken comments are about to be spoken, and I apologize if I offend anybody.

I've been to quite a few independent wrestling shows in my day. I consider myself a member of the CHIKArmy, I originated the term SHIMMark, and, though I'm not quite enthralled enough with the Ring of Honor product to call myself a ROH-bot, I've checked them out live as well. I have a great time at these shows, and I've interacted with some fans who are legitimately cool people. However, today I feel it is my duty to come forward with a message for approximately ninety percent of the folks who attend these shows:

You need to learn some basic grooming habits and social skills.

I'm sorry if that comes off as harsh, but it's true. I cannot count the number of times that I've been enjoying myself at an independent show, only for the lights to come at intermission, leading me to realize that I'm surrounded by some of the most vile, hairiest, least washed cretins this side of a Toby Keith concert. Despite the fact that the majority of these fans have decent educations, seemingly steady jobs, and a vocabulary of more than fourteen words, their physical appearances alone lead to pro wrestling fans being ridiculed just as much as – if not moreso than – the stereotypical "redneck" fan that you'll see hanging around at WWE/TNA live events or the southern fried indy show that still features the Rock n' Roll Express versus the Midnight Express as the main event in 2008.

That's why I'm here today to offer a public service to the independent wrestling fan. That's why I'm here to offer . . .


Queer Eye for the Indy Guy

That's right. Today I'm getting in touch with my more feminine side in order to ensure that you, John Q. Smartmark, can walk down the streets to your favorite armory, rec center, or Eagles' Club to catch some pro 'rasslin' without making the rest of the sport's fans look like sasquatches bedecked in potato sacks.

Category 1: Culture

Tip #1: I love wrestling. You love wrestling. However, there's absolutely nothing wrong with broadening your horizons . . . and, no, reading comic books and watching anime does not count as "broadening your horizons." It counts as making yourself even more out of touch with reality. Sometimes it is perfectly acceptable (and in fact desirable) to spend a night NOT watching the latest ROH home video release so that you can attend events that other people in your workplace or home life have actually heard of. Is there an orchestra in your hometown? Buy some tickets! Haven't been to the theater in a while? Dive in with both feet! That way, the next time somebody mentions The Mikado, you might think that it's something other than Atsushi Aoki's new finishing hold.

Tip #2: When branching out in to the real world as described above, it is not acceptable to begin talking about professional wrestling. You do not discuss the Age of the Fall while in line for the opera. You do not debate the pros and cons of the Battle of Los Angeles being reduced to a sixteen man field while having dinner at a teppan restaurant. In fact, as far as you're concerned, there are now only two acceptable places to talk about professional wrestling: At wrestling shows themselves and on the internet. Learn it, live it, love it.

Tip #3: Many indy shows feature female wrestlers. At some indy shows, there are occasionally even female fans. I know that most of your day-to-day contact with women comes on the wrong side of a restraining order, but the fact that these lady grapplers and she-fans are within ten feet of you and have one interest in common with you does not mean that it's okay to hit on them. In short, if you see a woman at a professional wrestling show and you do not already know her, LEAVE HER THE HELL ALONE. There's no reason that you should treat her any differently than the two hundred male strangers in the building that you're ignoring. You might think you're going to get some lovin' as a result of this interaction, but, trust me, you're not. Why? In the case of the female wrestlers, I can virtually guarantee you that the last thing I would want to do after competing in an incredibly intense sport for twenty minutes is ward off the advances of some neck-bearded Cro-Magnon who thinks that describing his collection of 1980's LJN WWF figures qualifies as a pickup line. In the case of the female fans, there's a 90% chance that any one of them is there because a) she was dragged there by a boyfriend who landed her by having slightly more of a clue than you do or b) she wants to drool over the male wrestlers as pathetically as you want to drool over the female wrestlers. In short, if you see a woman you don't know at an indy show, just pretend that she's one of the cheerleaders from back in your high school days and stay the hell away before her football player boyfriend stuffs you in a locker.

Category 2: Design

Tip #1: Your wrestling DVDs go in a cabinet, a trunk, or some other container in which they are not exposed to the general public. They do not go on a shelf on which they are in plain view. You might think I'm saying this because doing the opposite of what I suggest will result in people seeing your DVDs and determining you are uncool. However, that is not the case. I'm saying this because people seeing your DVDs will in all likelihood result in them thinking that you are a big fan of man-on-man pornography. Example:



If you are a heterosexual man, anybody who sees that sitting among your DVDs will quickly develop the opinion that you are not. Period.

Tip #2: Also, I firmly hold the belief that no grown man should have an autographed picture of any other grown man on display in his office or home. This applies doubly to autographed pictures of professional wrestlers. Save the public displays of hero worship for the kiddies and stick that 8x10 that the Briscoe Brothers scrawled on in to an album.

Tip #3: If you take my advice and put the above-described items or anything else related to your wrestling fandom out of public view, do yourself a favor and make the move permanent as opposed to temporary. Yes, you could theoretically keep your framed collection of Pro Wrestling Unplugged ticket stubs hanging on the wall most of the time and shove it in to a closet when company comes over, but what happens when guests show up unexpectedly or when you forget something? There's nothing more embarrassing than having a house guest walk through the door only to slip and fall on the Mike Knox action figure you bought because you think the arms would be perfect for the custom Brent Albright figure that you've been working on in your spare time.

Category 3: Food & Wine

Tip #1: Do not eat at a wrestling show. Chances are good that if you're an indy wrestling fan you're either out of shape, overweight, or both, and the concession stands at these events seemingly go out of their way to load themselves up with the most artery-clogging, pound-packing food items in the known universe. Skip nachos. Skip the candy. Skip the slice of pizza that is marked up to five times its market value in order to make enough money to pay the tag team that is wrestling after intermission. I know that this is difficult when Ian Rotten runs his eight hour long marathon shows in Midlothian, but you should be able to set your self by eating a large (but healthy) breakfast or lunch before going in to the show and following it up with a large (but healthy) supper once the show concludes. If your stomach does start to feel empty during the matches, fill it up with some nice, calorie-free water. You will probably have to go the bathroom not long thereafter, but, on the indy circuit, you're virtually guaranteed at least one match where voiding your bladder is more enjoyable than the ring work.

Tip #2: I will allow you to continue eating WWE Ice Cream Bars. Yes, they brand you as an utter dork and are full of empty calories. However, they are so tasty that they're worth it.

Tip #3: I know that many indy fans travel great distances in order to see some of their favorite shows. Hell, I've done it. Everybody knows that eating on the road and staying healthy while you do it is a tricky proposition. What is the best way to pull this off? Take a tip from none other than Lance Storm and stop off of at the local Cracker Barrel. No, I don't mean that you should patronize this fine establishment because you can eat biscuits and sausage gravy there any time of the day. Mr. Storm found Cracker Barrel helpful because of their grilled chicken tenderloin. This dish is typically serve smothered, but most locations will be happy to prepare it for you without the fatty cheese and bacon. It's the perfect way to avoid rich meals on the road, and the restaurants are ubiquitous enough that tracking one down no matter where you go shouldn't be too difficult.

Category 4: Grooming

Tip #1: When you're going to a wrestling show, take a shower at least thirty minutes before you walk out the door. I don't care how many times you've showered in the preceding twenty-four hours or how many times you intend to shower in the subsequent twenty-four hours. No matter what, shower at most one half hour before leaving the show. Why? Because I cannot count the number of times I have been at an indy show only to have a large part of my experience ruined because the individual immediately in front of me or immediately to the side of me smelled like a warthog carcass left to rot in the sun for a month. The seats at indy events are usually very close together, and it would be great if you could take that in to consideration when coming up with your personal hygiene schedule for the day.

Tip #2: I alluded to this before, but now I need to say it straight up: Shave your damn neck. I thought that everybody knew to do this, but apparently not. There is not supposed to be hair there, even if you otherwise have a full beard.

Tip #3: This one is also on the facial hair front. Whatever you do, do NOT attempt to emulate your favorite indy wrestler's goatee. See, part of a professional wrestler's job is to look different. They're supposed to stand out from a crowd. It's one of the things that helps them appear to be a star. Chances are good that, if you're reading this, standing out is not a part of your job. Thus, you have no reason to have wrestling-inspired facial hair. Furthermore, chances are good that, if you're reading this or attending indy shows, you're at least a little bit overweight. Beards do not look good on fatties. Thus, if you're not in the same shape as Austin Aries, do not grow the wacky soul patch that he used to have. On him, it looks acceptable because it adds definition to the sharp, natural lines of his chiseled jaw. On you, it may as well be a blinking neon sign that reads, "HEY, LOOK AT MY DOUBLE CHIN!"

Category 5: Fashion

Tip #1: There was an episode of Seinfeld which stated that, if you wear sweatpants in public, you've given up on life. Learn that mantra. Live it. Love it. I don't care how morbidly obese you are . . . find a specialty store and get yourself some proper trousers.

Tip #2: Everybody hates gimmick fans. ECW's Hat Guy was cool, but that's because he wasn't going out of his way to be a gimmick fan. He was a guy who was dressing like he would have dressed on any other night of the week. The fact that it distinguished himself from everybody else on the planet was a complete and utter coincidence. Every other gimmick fan since then has been completely and utterly obnoxious. Don't even get me started on Green Lantern Fan. I don't know that I've ever met a person who I've wanted to punch more in my entire life.

Tip #3: I know that you like to support your favorite wrestlers by purchasing their merchandise, but this is not a justification for squeezing in to clothing that is three sizes too small for you. If you love Claudio Castagnoli and usually wear a size XXL t-shirt but he only sells them up to XL, get a "Best Of" DVD from the guy instead. Unless you're spending four days a week in the gym (and I know you're not), nobody wants to see you wearing a shirt so tight that we can make out the outline of what you had for dinner.

And that should do it. Please take all of these tips to heart, indy wrestling fans. The world will be a better place for it.

Random Video Interlude

Lansdell does it now, but I did it first . . . and possibly better.

This week, I give to you perhaps the greatest gimmick of the 1980's: SUPER DUPER MARIO!



To view videos that have appeared in previous editions of the Custom Made News Report, be sure to check out my new YouTube page.

The Word from Dixieland

Finger Off the Trigger

The Wrestling Observer is reporting that TNA has no plans to use Frank Trigg at any point in the near future. Apparently this is not an indictment of Trigg's skill level, as the promotion was quite high on him. They even went as far as to claim that he did a great job in his recent matchup against AJ Styles and that the negative crowd reaction was a result of a live audience that didn't want to give the bout a fair shake. However, the booking team doesn't have much for the former MMA star at this point, as the feeling is that he needs to be a heel but does not fit in to the company's current overarching angle of "established wrestler = heel; younger wrestler = face."

This would normally be where I break off in to analysis mode and give my own opinion of Trigg as a performer. However, I've been completely ignoring TNA since May and haven't seen him wrestle as a result. I will say, though, that if he is anything approaching decent, there should be some way to write him in to the company's current storyline. Besides, when has TNA actually cared about logic before? After all, this is the promotion that booked the world's most convoluted tag team tournament with "randomly" selected partners, all of whom just happened to be people who are feuding with another, only for all of the "randomly selected" teams to be eliminated in the first round of the aforesaid tournament, completing nullifying the point of having them there in the first place. If you'll do something like that, why bother caring about whether a rookie wrestler is hanging out with the millionaire's club?

The World's First Unintentional Empty Arena Match

According to Figure Four Weekly, a TNA house show this past weekend drew 600 fans to a 10,000 seat building in Florida.

You know that old sound effect played in television shows and movies when something embarrassing or disappointing happens? You know, the one that is played on a trumpet and sounds a bit like "waa waa waaaaaaaaaaa?" I just spent thirty minutes looking around for a YouTube video of that sound byte that I could insert in this column in relation to this story. Unfortunately, I was unable to find one, so the joke is dead. However, you are still welcome to pretend that I found such a video and that the joke worked out to hilarious results.

Linking In & Wrapping Up

And that will do it for my latest Foley-esque comeback on 411mania. Before I officially depart, I would like to point out some of the other fine columns on this little website that you can read until the next time that I do a fill-in:

~ Mike Campbell reviews shows form a promotion almost nobody has heard of. However, it's a promotion that regularly books Portia Perez, so they can't be all bad.

~ Dunn is trapped in 1993 to amusing results.

~ Lansdell regularly namedrops me in Ask 411, so it can't be that bad of a column.

~ The closest thing I have left to a home on this website is Wrestler of the Week. It's a small home in which people constantly yell at me for voting for Japanese wrestlers, but it's all I've got.

That's a wrap. In the words of the immortal Jerry Springer, take care of yourselves . . . and each other.