Wacky Wrestling Theory 11.20.08: The Good, The Bad and The Wacky

Posted by Jake Chambers on 11.20.2008

Follow me, as I chronicle the history of pro-wrestling. Read on for digestible opinion on the good, bad and wacky of everything from the first pro-wrestling matches all the way to the end of the world.

The Frank Gotch vs. George Hackenschmidt feud

The Good = The seed that sprouted the pro-wrestling flower that we love today.

The Bad = Damn that nefarious Gotch, he actually covered himself in too much oil and robbed us all of the excruciating pleasure of watching Hackenschmidt eek out a victory after a 40 minute bear hug.

The Wacky = You gotta admit, those two dudes had some kick ass names.

Gorgeous George popularizes pro-wrestling on prime time TV

The Good = Georgous George invented the concept of the ‘chickenshit heel.'

The Bad = No offense, but his pretty boy act may be responsible for the stereotype that pro-wrestling is ‘gay.'

The Wacky = Sadly, the only Georgeous George I wanna see on my TV these days, is that masturbation video made by Macho Man's former valet of the same name.

Bruno Sammartino

The Good = Bruno's current crotchety attitude toward the WWE shows that some people still aren't willing to sell out.

The Bad = Bruno's best matches, in his prime, can tend to make the WWF ‘Hacksaw Jim Duggan' Coliseum Home Video look like the greatest collection of matches in history.

The Wacky = The 80s comeback of the ‘Living Legend' gave us one of the best posed WWF action figures to use at that time, especially when some of the poses were particularly frustrating (I'm looking at you ‘Cowboy' Bob Orton figure!)

‘Superfly' Jimmy Snuka launching off the top of the cage

The Good = The inspiration for Mick Foley to jump off his roof.

The Bad = The inspiration for thousands of other shitty wrestlers to get into the business.

The Wacky = Anything involving ‘The Magnificent One' Don Muraco in his prime. He'd already won the match, and bless his heart for selflessly giving Snuka this moment of charity.

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania III

The Good = Probably the best match of all time.

The Bad = The historic overshadowing by the supposedly ‘great' match between Steamboat and Savage; because of an exaggerated number of cool near falls this match was the first spark for all ‘smark-dom' that would finally explode a few years later thanks to the Internet and the equally overrated Wrestlemania X ladder match.

The Wacky = The idea that Hogan was actually pinned early in the match when he went for a premature bodyslam and Andre fell on him. The way Bobby Heenan was so serious about this point was frustratingly brilliant and cementingly delusional.

Jesse Ventura co-starring in Predator

The Good = Every moment Jesse is breathing on screen.

The Bad = Holy shit, Jesse got killed by Predator? That could never happen in real life.

The Wacky = Jesse using his momentum from this success to almost start a union for wrestlers. Wacky? Maybe not, but if this had anything to do with the formation of ‘The Union' of Mankind, Ken Shamrock, Big Show and Test, years later, then wacky it was.

ECW, The Night the Line was Crossed

The Good = That post match, backstage interview with Shane Douglas was one of the realest feeling moments of all time. Somehow this same guy went on to become the single fakest backstage interviewer ever when he was in TNA.

The Bad = Anything outside of the highlights package of this match, for canon-era ECW it's pretty weak stuff.

The Wacky = The three man, double sleeper combination move set the stage for the entire 3-way + matches in the future. I thank that moment for the hilarious four man, triple sleeper I once saw at a live event match between HHH & HBK and Stone Cold & Dude Love.

The formation of the nWo

The Good = After years of hating Hogan while most of his die-hard fans still clung to his every dull move, it was satisfying to watch him get pelted with garbage… in public… multiple times.

The Bad = Just about every nWo featuring WCW main event for about five years.

The Wacky = Ted Dibiase (Sr.) as the oddly underappreciated ‘5th Beatle' of the early stages of the nWo.

Stone Cold Steve Austin winning the King of the Ring

The Good = A winning blow for atheists everywhere.

The Bad = Beating a banged up Jake ‘The Snake' Roberts in a few minutes hardly makes for an epic ending to a single elimination tournament.

The Wacky = Yes, that's Dok Hendrix forever captured holding the microphone for this historic moment.

The Montreal Screwjob

The Good = The narrative basis for the amazing documentary, ‘Wrestling with Shadows.'

The Bad = The historical basis for so many lame referee/owner double crosses.

The Wacky = Sylvan Grenier as the most obvious plant referee in history at the second Montreal Screwjob, No Way Out 2003.

D-X invading WCW

The Good = Oh WCW, you looked so stupid.

The Bad = Badd Ass Billy Gunn had to be there.

The Wacky = Whatever it was on the RoadDogg's head.

The Rock

The Good = Seeing any '98-'99 house show where The Rock headlined, not because of his wrestling, but for the 15+ minutes of talking and singing he would do after the match.

The Bad = We didn't get The Rock sooner and we couldn't keep him longer.

The Wacky = Learning his acting chops in the WWF helped him to prepare for his incredible performance in the forgotten classic, ‘Southland Tales.'

John Cena

The Good = His original feud with Brock Lesnar, particularly when he was on commentary during a Smackdown, Lesnar vs. A-Train main event, and he rhymed "don't stress" with "lyrical chess."

The Bad = John Cena hatred, one of the lamest and most vague, long running controversies in pro-wrestling history.

The Wacky = Actually enjoying Cena's hip-hop CD, and particularly the song, "If It All Ended Tomorrow."

WRESTLEMANIA 25

The Good = Stone Cold wrestled one last match, an instant classic against the returning ‘Instant Classic' Christian, and unlike the sappy Ric Flair retirement from the previous year, this match was hilarious and intense without the sentimental over saturation.

The Bad = The Undertaker lost and ruined his historic streak.

The Wacky = Oh Goldust, another great comeback… please never leave us again!

The TNA Buyout

The Good = Even though TNA's financial ruin came after disgruntled stars AJ Styles, Samoa Joe and Eric Young jumped ship in a move reminiscent of The Radicalz debut, it was the fulfillment of many wrestling fans dreams to see TNA Champion James Storm finally compete in the WWE.

The Bad = As with most things, the WWE tried to recreate history again by having a McMahon appear on a rival show to buy it out. This time it was Hornswaggle, who had just recently revealed that in fact he really WAS a McMahon.

The Wacky = So funny, Jeff Jarrett had to job again to the returning Chyna.

Reid Flair vs. Richie Steamboat steals the show at the first new ‘Starrcade'

The Good = Watching these youngsters chop each other's chest red raw was a delightful déjà vu.

The Bad = Did we really need to see more footage of Ric Flair crying, I mean, ever since his retirement match the man had shed more tears on TV than the entire prime time run of ‘Falcon Crest.'

The Wacky = I didn't think it was necessary for that Blade Hart run-in at the end but it was wacky poetic justice when referee Michael Shane super-kicked him off the apron.

2012

The Good = Critically, the best year for wrestling since 2000.

The Bad = The end of the world happened, so that wasn't good. Not sure if it's related, but the McMahon's finally removed the word ‘wrestling' from all WWE related media, officially renaming the company ‘Whole World Entertainment.'

The Wacky = 3-sided rings, no more referees, foot races to decide the #1 contender, regular poisonings, and full penetration sex live in the ring, among other things.

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Yes, I counted all of the moves on the TNA Turning Point pay-per-view just for last week's column.

Coming soon... ROH Q & A!