The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 11.28.08

Happy day-after-Thanksgiving to all the MeeThinks readers out here in the great U.S. of A. Here’s hoping your holiday hangover isn’t interfering *too* much with your Black Friday holiday shopping plans. On this end, it’s a weekend of R&R with the fam in New Jersey, followed by a jaunt or two over to the ladyfriend’s folks’ house not so far on across the Jersey/Pennsylvania border. Needless to say, this week’s column may just be a bit on the shorter side.

Hey, they can’t all be Shakespeare, ya’ know?

But first — a seasonal YouTube video interlude!

… and you thought Dolph Ziggler was bad.

In this feature, we’ll make a quick note of those mini-news story items that have either already been covered in greater detail by other writers, or that haven’t quite yet materialized into full-blown mega stories of their own. In either case, these items seem to warrant a brief mention nonetheless so that we can keep better tabs on what all’s developing (and — in theory — end up with a better perspective in the long run) along the way.

The Doghouse: Performers who’ve landed in hot water over the past week.
THE Brian Kendrick (Smackdown!) – rumored to have failed WWE’s tests for marijuana use close to one dozen times.

Notes: My esteemed 411 colleague Jeff Small pretty much hit this sucker right on the head in yesterday’s news report, but in case you missed his article (FOR SHAME!) — the story is that Kendrick has been busted close to a dozen times or so (to the tune of $1,000 per offense) for failing WWE’s substance policy as it pertains to recreational use of marijuana. Now believe it or not, I too — like Small — have absolutely zero problem with marijuana use whatsoever (shocking, coming from the staff’s resident happy-go-lucky Jesus Freak, I know…) — but I *DO* have a problem with a performer who’d rather prize his “recreational habit” over his commitment to the company and to the fans who pay their hard-earned money to watch him compete. By choosing weed over work, Kendrick has pretty much told the company that there’s no reason to trust in his willingness to commit to the promotion, and thus there’s little reason to put faith in the kid and/or reward him with any sort of onscreen push. The shame of it is? In the immortal words of Steve Prefontaine, “to give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift.” Kendrick is INSANELY gifted in the ring, and the fact that he’s willing to sell himself and his career (and his fans) short simply for love of the herb is mind-numbingly sad and disappointing. He absolutely deserves to be in the WWE doghouse — not for his 4:20 friendliness, but for his boneheaded lack of priorities. All told, it’s a real shame that so many of Kendrick’s fans seem to care more about the guy’s career than he does.

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The Debuts: New and/or newly returning performers of the past week.
Milena Roucka(WWE) – fan in crowd holding the “Glamazon in Training” sign on RAW.
Tomko (WWE) – Rumored to have signed a new WWE contract.

Notes: Milena Roucka is a former WWE Diva Search contestant, who has been in WWE’s developmental system for just north of two years. Obviously, the similarity of her name and that of current RAW Diva Melina Perez will likely mean that a moniker change is forthcoming (because if WWE can’t justify having two generic Asian divas on the same payroll, then they CERTAINLY won’t stand for having two girls with names sounding like “Melina”). But until then, keep an eye on that lady in the crowd with the Beth Phoenix signs — as she’s likely to be standing inside of a WWE ring on television sooner than later.

Tomko is reported to have signed a new contract with World Wrestling Entertainment, and could very well be (re)debuting for the company before the end of 2008. Given the Problem Solver’s longstanding relationship (onscreen and off) with fellow WWE expatriot-turned-TNA-veteran Christian (Cage), one cannot help but wonder if this latest re-acquisition could all but guarantee the impending WWE return of the self-proclaimed Captain of Charisma.

Regardless, given his success both overseas and in TNA, MeeThinks its more than fair to say that Tomko is a much more polished and talented performer today than he was when he left WWE several years ago, and his re-addition to the company roster seems to be a great move for all parties involved at this stage in his career.

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The Departures: Obituaries and/or performers whose contracts have ended this week.
None

Notes: Despite rampant talk of roster cuts in both major North American wrestling companies, there were no additional releases this week. YAY HOLIDAY SPIRIT!!!

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The Drama: Developing scandals and/or budding backstage rumors.
WWE’s Jeff Hardy storyline (WWE) – angered fans and misled a number of mainstream media outlets prior to last Sunday’s Survivor Series PPV.

Notes: A lot of fans — including 411’s own Boss Larry — were put off by WWE’s pseudo-storyline from last Sunday morning, when it was announced on the company’s Web site that notoriously troubled superstar Jeff Hardy had been taken to a local hospital after being “found unconscious” in his hotel. Obviously with so many high-profile wrestlers having met the most tragic and untimely of ends in similar scenarios (Eddie Guerrero, Brian Pillman, etc.), a number of fans believed this storyline to be in extremely poor taste. On the flip side, however — it bears noting that WWE themselves never once suggested that Hardy’s “hospitalization” (real or fake) had ANYTHING to do with his checkered history of Wellness infractions and/or recreational drug use. As such, it’s probably fair to say that those most offended by this story were fans/critics who read more into the story than WWE was willing to print. Now sure, the company totally wanted you to believe the story was true, of course (and as such, there really were few better pawns for such an angle than one Jeff Hardy)… but the long and short of things is that WWE’s little white lie got blown way out of proportion simply by word of the almighty media machine and internet rumor mills. In short, one might even say that WWE pulled the 21st century equivalent of the age-old wrestling practice of “working the marks” — making people believe that the stories they had told were actually REAL.

MeeThinks? WWE’s move was a bold one, and perhaps one that’ll end up losing them a few casual fans along the way (for good reason, too… since these folks feel legitimately decieved by an angle perpetrated in bad taste). That said, however, WWE’s actions also exposed a HUGE weak spot in the mainstream media’s on-again, off-again relationship with the professional wrestling industry. Namely? Nine times out of ten, the fact that “legitimate” news outlets are only ever willing to go near a wrestling promotion when they smell a scandal a-brewin’. As such, I’d say a major kudos is in order to WWE for serving these folks a much-needed slice of humble pie. If the folks at CNN, AOL and TMZ aren’t going to give your company any press when things are GOOD, then why give them any more reason to tune their radars in at the very first moment’s notice when things go bad? By swerving the mainstream media, WWE has — even if only temporarily — effectively thrown a red-herring in the path of those gossip rags/ media critics with little more than an axe to grind against the professional wrestling industry. Even though it does little more than bring the “legit” news outlets down to the pseudo-circus level that is WWE programming, viewers would be hard-pressed to take these “serious” news outlets all that seriously the next time they take the bait with one of these bogus stories and go flying off the handle blending fact and fiction in their all-too-biased coverage of the everyday business of the professional wrestling industry — clearly, a profession which they know so very little about in the first place.

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The Disabled List: Performers who’ve gone down to injury or suspension in the past week.
None

Notes: Here’s something to be thankful for — nobody got hurt this week!

WWE Announces the Return of the Slammy Awards
Company’s Trophy Ceremony will Return on Monday, Dec. 8

Well folks, it’s no secret that the Thanksgiving holiday has meant for a slow news week in this wild and wacky world of professional wrestling. As a result, here’s a good old fashioned “softball” of a news story, courtesy of WWE.com:

After a long year of first-evers, groundbreakers and more, WWE presents the return of the Slammy Awards on a special three-hour edition of Monday Night Raw on Dec. 8.

While the nominees have yet to be announced by WWE officials, WWE.com is pleased to present the official categories for these unique entertainment distinguishments.

WOO HOOO!!! It’s fake awards season!!!

So whaddaya say if — in the spirit of the Slammys (and an uberslow news week) — we bust out the old PredictaTron3000 and preview what all this year’s Slammys may well have in store for the immediate future of WWE storylines and onscreen developments in the weeks to come, eh?

Rock & Roll.

Superstar of the Year
If I were a betting man, I’d guess that this particular honor would end up igniting something of a major feud over on WWE’s flagship broadcast. With a bevvy of top-tier talent just spinning their wheels in want of a storyline, nothing gets superstars at one another’s throats better than some good old-fashioned jealousy. If I’m WWE? I’d throw this honor to company golden boy and comeback kid, John Cena, only to have it sew further seeds of resentment between Da’ Champ and his resident RAW meta-nemesis, Dave Batista. This serves as a fantastic springboard into a full-on heel turn for one of these two stars — and let’s face it, a heel/face WrestleMania rematch between these two would be infinitely more interesting than watching Big Dave spend the next four months waiting for Cena and spinning his wheels as a luckless babyface.

Match of the Year
If this thing is anywhere near legit (well, as legit as a phoney sport’s phoney award show can be, I suppose), there’s little doubt that this honor should be going to Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair (WrestleMania XXIV). Not just because I was there LIVE, either (cheap Horowitz pat on the back!) — but simply because no single WWE match this year has come close to reaching the same level of drama and fan appreciation that this bout managed to snag. Technically speaking, there’ve been much better outings (Finlay vs. Matt Hardy from their ECW Championship match, for one) — but from a “big match feel” standpoint? It’s Flair/HBK, by a mile.

OMG Moment of the Year
If Jeff Hardy doesn’t walk away from the Slammys with at least one award to his credit, I for one will be insanely surprised. however, WWE could just as easily skip honoring the Charismatic Enigma’s death-defying high jumps in favor of giving the nod here to a guy like Chris Jericho or Edge, both of whom scored shocking title wins this years after being thrown into a main event with no prior notice. Since Hardy seems well on his way to the top without such a boost on his side, I’d give the gold to a rulebreaker on this one instead.

Diva of the Year
With the Road to WrestleMania just a few short weeks away (because let’s be honest here, folks — Armageddon is about as filler a PPV as they come), expect WWE to get in bed with the folks from Playboy (no pun intended) once again in short order — meaning that we can probably expect a WWE diva to drop her drawers in the pages of the noted men’s mag by WrestleMania time. If WWE’s looking to pique fans’ interest in the next pictoral spread, expect the 2008 Diva of the Year to end up gracing the magazine’s pages as the company’s next Playboy centerfold. Failing that, I’d put money on Kelly Kelly or Michelle McCool.

“DAMN!” Moment of the Year
This is one of those categories that makes the “legitimacy” of these awards pretty much a farce altogether, as it’s kind of hard to take any credit for “Match of the Year” accolades when some other guy on the roster is getting a similar trophy simply for uttering a catch phrase. This one practically writes itself — so expect a long and awkward award segment, followed by a rehash of a Ron Simmons joke that simply wasn’t funny the first time through.

Tag Team of the Year
For my money, there’s little doubt that The Miz and John Morrison should be walking out of this year’s Slammys with the best tag team award to their credit. Given their self-obsessed, celebrity-wannabe personae, it’s really quite the perfect fit to throw these two “A-listers” some faux gold to help cement their dickish heel staying power. Ryder & Hawkins are a joke, The Colon boys are as generic as they come, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase just ain’t cutting it in the eyes of the common fan, and Cryme Tyme, for all of their swagger and popularity, simply haven’t been able to pull off the in-ring victories to back up their claim to such an honor.

Best Musical Performance
Ah crap. Well, what would an awards show be without an insufferable musical act to help pad out the evening, eh? This one practically writes itself, so MeeThinks we’ll be seeing Jillian Hall taking the stage for at least some part of this particular award ceremony — even if she’s only there to interrupt the action and walk away with a trophy she clearly doesn’t deserve.

Best Finishing Maneuver
If Evan Bourne hadn’t received such a brutal onscreen beatdown to help sell his ankle injury two weeks ago on RAW, then MeeThinks this upstart high-flyer’s “Air Bourne” finisher would have been a no-brainer for Slammy honors at this year’s award ceremony. Instead, Bourne will likely be watching the show from the sidelines to sell the beating — and so I can’t reasonably see him setting foot back on WWE television until he’s back to performance strength. On a longshot, though, I’d have Mike Knox steal this one from a “too-injured-to-show-up” Evan Bourne, throwing all the more fuel on their simmering rivalry for once the ECW sensation returns.

Extreme Moment of the Year
Hmm. This one is tough, because WWE has pretty well lowered the standard of what it means to be “extreme” when compared to the ECW of old. Regardless, expect this honor to go to a current ECW superstar, simply to lend some desperate attempt at credibility to the notion that WWE’s Tuesday night program is still very much a “Land of EXTREEEEEEEEEEME!”

Couple of the Year
If there is any justice in this world, then this particular honor will certainly be awarded to Smackdown’s power couple in Vickie Guerrero and Edge. Though they’ve (quite literally) been through hell and back again this year, the SD! General Manager and the Rated R Superstar have absolutely dominated screen time and WWE main event storylines over the past year solid, and so I’ve gotta’ believe that this award will be used to further perpetuate their top-level reign of terror on WWE’s blue brand.

Finally, these next four awards will be given out exclusively on WWE.com:

Breakout Star of the Year
Since it won’t require an onscreen cameo, Evan Bourne could easily pick up the recognition here.

Announcer of the Year
Simply because he’s a blogging machine and a sad panda who stuck it out in spite of swapping brands, Jim Ross seems likely here. But if there’s any justice in the world? I’d put it to a fan vote, and let Matt Striker soak up the critical acclaim that he so richly deserves.

Best WWE.com Exclusive
With Miz and Morrison running wild on WWE.com, I’d go ahead and add another trophy to their resume by awarding The Dirt Sheet — giving these two egotistical rulebreakers even MORE to brag about into the new year.

Best Impersonation
This category seems tailor-made for Charlie Haas, and so it’s really just a question of which of his gimmicks will be getting the nod. But with three of his impressions being wasted on performers who no longer wrestle (Steve Austin, Mr. Perfect, and Bret Hart), and two more being spent on heels that have since started moving toward the babyface side of the “can take a joke” aisle (JBL and Khali), your guess on this one is as good as mine.

The Wrestler Trailer Debuts
Teaser for Award-Winning Film Hits the Airwaves

In case you missed it, this sucker leaked to the world at large some time late last Friday morning. And since it’s a slow news week and nothing pads out a column faster than a gratuitously embedded video, well… ’tis the season for sharing, no?

Alrighty, so — a few notes.

1) Yes, that is indeed Necro Butcher.
2) Mmmhmm, that’s Ron Killings as well.
3) Yup, that’s a Ring Of Honor arena they’re fighting in.
4) Oh yeah, Ernest “The Cat” Miller is the promotion film’s #1 bad guy.
5) Springsteen + pro wrestling = auto-awesome.
6) Holy hell does this movie look outstanding.

And finally…

7) Mickey Rourke is an infinitely better casting choice than Nicholas Cage. That guy flippin’ sucks. No, seriously — about as bad an actor as they come. But don’t take MY word for it:

And With That, I’m Outta’ Here

Thanks again for reading, all — and here’s to a safe and happy start to the holiday season wherever you may be at this, the most wonderful time of the year. As for Mee? Soaking up (g)rays in the non-existent Jersey sun over the next few days, then its back down to the nation’s capitol to wrap up the calendar year and the fall semester. So get those papers done! Go Pats! And always stay positive.

– Meehan

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : [phone]-SAFE.