The Wrestling News Experience: 12.08.08

Posted by Stephen Randle on 12.08.2008

I preview tonight's Slammy Award Raw special, review Final Resolution, and I may also have discovered that I can psychically control Vince McMahon. Where's my Gemini Award, Canadian Television Fund?

Monday, December 8th, 2008

From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!



Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, and I've been eating way too much gingerbread. I mean, I love that my fiancée (whoa, that still sounds weird coming from me) loves Christmas, and I love gingerbread, but I sense that there might be a point at which the level of gingerbread within your body can be lethal, and I think I hit that point about half a cookie ago. But it's so tasty!

Also, this seems as good a time as any to mention that in the 411 Staff Rumble NFL Fantasy League, I sit comfortable ensconced in first place, a position I've held since Week 3. While this does display an unprecedented level of competence in fantasy sports on my part, I'm almost certain to have jinxed it now and will end up in fourth after then next two weeks of playoffs. Still, right now I can stand here and say that the entire 411 staff is inferior to me in fantasy football, and since I'm Canadian, they should feel doubly ashamed and possibly cede ownership of professional football as their national sport to Canada. Come on, you'll love three down football, and the players will love the lax drug policy.

And the Canadian government may be falling apart around our ears. Or maybe not. All I know is, some variation of my name will be running the country. Maybe they should just ask me to do it in the first place.

Moving on.

PPV In Review - TNA Final Resolution 2008

Lansdell has the live report.

Hernandez, Homicide, Curry Man, and Jay Lethal retrieved Feast or Fired Briefcases

Jay Lethal's briefcase was opened immediately to show that Black Machismo had earned…a Tag Title shot. Good thing he's part of a tag team…oh wait. Anyway, the speculation out of this result is that we're setting the table for the return of Christopher Daniels, which would be ironic, to say the least.

ODB, Roxxi, and Taylor Wilde defeated The Beautiful People (Angelina Love and Velvet Sky) and Sharmell (Wilde pinned Love, crossbody rollthrough)

Eric Young defeated Sheik Abdul Bashir to win the TNA X Division title (pinfall, sunset flip)

Of course, once again referee Shane Sewell figured in the decision, meaning most likely Young gets Dusty Finished once again, prompting the question, why do they keep running the same angle repeatedly?

Christy Hemme vs Awesome Kong went to a No Contest. Kong retains the Knockouts Title

Beer Money Inc defeated Abyss and Matt Morgan to retain the TNA Tag Team titles (Storm pinned Abyss, brass knuckle-assisted punch)

Kurt Angle defeated Rhino to earn a shot at Jeff Jarrett (pinfall, Angle Slam)

Well, they weren't going to fire Kurt Angle after all. That's what the opening match was for.

The Main Event Mafia (Sting, Scott Steiner, Kevin Nash and Booker T) defeated TNA Frontline (AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Team 3D). As a side result, Sting retains the TNA World Title (Sting pinned Joe, Scorpion Deathdrop)

Seriously, I understand why the Frontline couldn't win this match, due to the stupid stipulations. However, that leads to two important questions:

1. Why did they have to put in that stupid stipulation?
2. Why does Samoa Joe have to keep eating the pinfalls? Hell, Devon and Ray are right there, nobody cares how many times they get pinned.

What's On Tap - WWE Raw for December 8th

Tonight, Raw starts an hour early, at 8 pm (8:15 pm on The Score in Canada), because it's time, once again, for a very special three hour edition! Okay, so we just had one of these last month, but this one's even more special, because it's time for the return of the Slammy Awards!

In case you were interested, here's the categories for tonight's awards that have been announced so far.

- Best WWE.com Exclusive
- Breakout Star of the Year
- Best Musical Performance
- Announce Team of the Year
- Best Impersonation
- Most Extreme Moment of the Year
- The DAMN! Moment of the Year
- Best Finishing Move
- Tag Team of the Year
- OMG Moment of the Year
- Couple of the Year
- Diva of the Year
- Match of the Year
- Superstar of the Year

In addition, all six wrestlers nominated for Superstar of the Year will be in action against each other, as Jeff Hardy faces Chris Jericho, Batista takes on Triple H, and Edge clashes with John Cena. Plus, the Intercontinental Title tournament continues, with semifinal matches of Rey Mysterio vs Kofi Kingston and CM Punk vs John Morrison.

I'm going to tell you right now, even though these are the Slammies, they are no match for the upcoming 411 Wrestling Year-End Awards, representing the absolute cream of the crop, and cream of the crap, for 2008. But if you still feel like watching, you can catch the Slammy Awards, plus some matches, tonight on a three-hour edition of Raw!

Around The Horn

WWE has been off in Iraq this past week taping the Tribute to the Troops special to be aired on NBC. I'm sure some people will complain that the show didn't further any angles, and some other people will complain that the matches probably weren't very good given the talent and the time they were given. Can I just be the person who complains that WWE has been going to Iraq every Christmas for several years now, because that's where the troops still are?

Well, that'll light up the Comments section.

Midway Games is planning to make a sequel to TNA Impact next year, assuming that Midway survives another year due to…wait, Ashish already used that joke in the news bite? When did he get a sense of humour?

The Internet exploded into speculation when Batista revealed in an interview this past week that he tapped Kelly Kelly in the past, but he dropped her because she was too immature. Yeah, because a 40-year old bragging publically about his past sexual encounters is soooo mature.

Reid Flair made his debut in a tag match with his brother David against the Nasty Boys in an independent show this weekend and won. Yeah, this kid isn't going to be under too much pressure growing up or anything.

Apparently Rhino was sent to the hospital on the weekend at the request of the Ohio State Athletic Commission, due to abnormally high blood pressure. He was later released in time to wrestle Kurt Angle at Final Resolution. Shockingly, TNA did not turn it into an angle for the PPV. Never thought I'd see TNA being the moral high ground over worked shoot angles involving hospitalized wrestlers.

Trish Stratus lost the Gemini Award (awarded to the best of Canadian TV, I suspect Corner Gas won most of the awards) for "Hottest Canadian Female Star". That's right, Canada has women even hotter than Trish Stratus. Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

WWE has released the match listing for Kane's upcoming career DVD. I suspect this may be the only time that Snitsky will ever appear in a one-on-one match on any career DVD. Hopefully it will also include the segment where he drop-kicks a baby doll into the fifth row.

In some interesting news, apparently DH Smith and TJ Wilson will be debuting on Smackdown as a tag team in the very near future. Allegedly Vince McMahon recently noticed that Smith was not being used, and became furious that WWE Creative was failing to utilize a second generation star with such name value, demanding that they work up a re-debut for Smith as soon as possible. Wait, so did Vince just go so insane with the whole Million Dollar Mania thing that he went all the way back to completely sane and intelligent again?

Maybe WWE Creative would have remembered Smith if they hadn't been spending time apparently working up "what if" scenarios for the possibility that Kurt Angle returns to WWE when his contract expires later in 2009. Here's an idea, why don't we try and figure out a way to make sure that Kurt Angle isn't paralyzed from the eyebrows down by the time he's forty?

Five Years Ago This Experience

Originally posted 12.04.03.

In case you'd forgotten those dark days of WWE on Spike TV (easy to do, Canada did not air Raw on Spike), you can now be reminded thanks to WWE being involved heavily in the first ever Spike TV Video Game Awards, possibly the worst awards show I've ever had the misfortune to see. And I've seen the Geminis. And I actually made up this joke before the Trish Stratus bit in Around The Horn, which is spooky.

Plus, the Jericho-Trish storyline, one of the best storylines of this millennium, was just heating up. Go figure, a storyline written by the wrestlers themselves, and it was considered the best of that year. This year, they let Shawn and Jericho write their own storyline again, and once more, we get the best storyline of the year. Maybe there's a coincidence…

And Mick Foley was co-GM of Raw? Oh right, I remember what happened there. It lasted one week, until he walked out on a match with Randy Orton and got spit in the face. My god, if only I could use this power of recollecting useless trivia for good.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 12.01.08

WWE Raw

- Hardcore Holly, out indefinitely (rehab)
- Ted Dibiase, out indefinitely as of November 10th (kayfabe, concussion)

WWE SmackDown

- Umaga, out indefinitely as of August 20th (PCL)

ECW

- Evan Bourne, ECW, out 4-6 weeks (torn deltoid)

TNA

- Kaz, out 4 months as of October 1st (triceps)
- Moose, out 6 months as of July 7th (broken femur)

Transactions

- Al Snow, made appearance at Final Resolution PPV

Seriously, Kurt thought that Al Snow would be the one to intimidate Mick Foley? The guy who's been the butt of Foley's terrible jokes for years now? That's the best he could come up with?

- Bruce Pritchard, WWE, released from his contract

Don't worry Vince, he still loooooooves youuuuuu!

- Suicide, TNA, made TNA debut at Final Resolution PPV

Who's Holding Gold

WWE

WWE Champion: Edge
- 15 day reign, defeated former champion Triple H, and Vladimir Kozlov in a Triple Threat Match on November 23rd (Survivor Series PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Jeff Hardy and Triple H, Armageddon PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena
- 15 day reign, defeated Chris Jericho on November 23rd (Survivor Series PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Chris Jericho, Armageddon PPV

ECW Champion: Matt Hardy
- 91 day reign, defeated former champion Mark Henry, The Miz, Finlay, and Chavo Guerrero in a Scramble Match on September 7th (Unforgiven PPV)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: William Regal
- 28 day reign, defeated Santino Marella on November 10th (Raw)

WWE United States Champion: Shelton Benjamin
- 141 day reign, defeated Matt Hardy on July 20th (Great American Bash PPV)

World Tag Team Champions: CM Punk and Kofi Kingston
- 42 day reign, defeated Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase on October 28th (Raw)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
- 73 day reign, defeated Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder on September 26th (Smackdown)

WWE Women's Champion: Beth Phoenix
- 113 day reign, with Santino Marella, defeated Mickie James and Kofi Kingston in a Winner Take All match on August 17th (Summerslam PPV)

WWE Diva's Champion: Michelle McCool
- 141 day reign, defeated Natalya Neidhart on July 20th to win the newly-created title (Great American Bash PPV)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Sting
- 57 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on October 12th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money Inc
- 120 day reign, defeated LAX on August 10th (Hard Justice PPV)

**NEW** TNA X-Division Champion: Eric Young
- 1 day reign, defeated Shiek Abdul Bashir on December 7th (Final Resolution PPV)
- NOTE: Title may be held up due to disputed outcome of the match

TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong
- 46 day reign, defeated Taylor Wilde on October 23rd (Impact)

TNA Legends Champion: Booker T
- 46 day reign, introduced new title on October 23rd (Impact)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Prag has the sole weekend news report this week.

The Triple Threat talks Survivor Series fallout, Slammies, and Cody Rhodes.

Short has the Navigation Log.

Rodriguez has For The Record.

Ari has Column of Honor.

And Sforcina has Not An Evolution Schematic.

The Gab Bag

Thanks to everyone for the congratulations about my engagement, they were most appreciated. I'm reminded of someone at 411 telling me back when I first met my fiancée that if I'd actually found a woman who loved poker and pro wrestling, that I should never let her get away, and I have to say, they were right.

And okay, maybe I have no economic sense whatsoever, and writing better television wouldn't make WWE more ticket or merchandise money, but would it hurt? Can everyone honestly say that a better overall product wouldn't lead to more money?

And one last puzzling thing before we move on:

i noticed there's still been no apology for the unneccessary and unfunny gag in the last column about the benoit murders and suicide. gags about strangling children aren't funny

Followed by this:

randle referred to benoit as a "choker" because he choked his kid to death. You don't have to know the dead kid or the kids family to find reference to that as an attempt at humour a little unneccessary. I'm not saying I don't like sick nasty humour, I'm no prude, I just can't laugh when the essence of the gag is based on the image of a guy strangling a child. If YOU think someone has to know the benoits' to find the gag offensive, i feel sorry for you.
Oh, and I agree. We need to move on from benoit and forget about him and get over it. Lets do that by not talking about him in columns and making jokes about him killing his son.

Um…I went back and checked my column from the previous week (and a couple weeks before, to be sure), and I'm pretty damned sure that I didn't make any joke about the Benoit tragedy. Indeed, I know for a fact that I didn't, because I'm not the sort of person who would stoop to that level of crass comedy. I would suggest that you may have hallucinated it, or alternatively are some sort of jerk trying to make a name for yourself in the Comments section. Guess which one I'm leaning towards.

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of a very special Slammy Award-Winning Raw tonight starting at 8 pm EST.

Remember, if you love poker, and are in the Kitchener-Cambridge-Waterloo area, check out Player's Poker League.

Larry's in tomorrow, and I'll be back next week.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.