wrestling / Columns

Evolution Schematic 12.28.08: WWE Playboy Shoots

December 28, 2008 | Posted by Mathew Sforcina

Writer’s Notes

So, how’d we all do for Xmas? I did pretty good, I guess. The main thing is that I got to spend time with my family, not the presents I…

Man, I couldn’t type that with a straight face.

Anyhow, before we get down to the sweet sweet pictures, I’d like to plug my first Ask 411 as answer dude, visible here. A good first shot, I feel. Don’t forget, everyone gets a question answered next week, just send me an email!

And now, what we all came here to see, Hardcore Nudity!

Made By Meehan.

Overview

For almost 10 years now, America’s Number One Wrestling Company and its Number One Nudie… I mean, Adult Publication, have had a strong, firm relationship, despite many ups and downs with WWE’s image, its status as a company, and the average age of their target audience. What began as a one off cross-promotional scheme to capitalize on a WWF Female Superstar becoming more popular than anyone anticipated, being a WWE Diva to appear on Playboy is now a high honor, second (or perhaps even surpassing) winning a title. It means more exposure, obviously, but also a higher level of stock in the company.

Until said Diva is kicked out, which is surprisingly often in the 7 women who have between them appeared in 8 pictorials. Let us now look back at each of these pictorials, with full unedited pictures!*

* = Some editing may have in fact been done.

Debut- If you like seeing WWE Women in Playboy, thank Marc Mero.

I kinda miss Attitude.

Sable, as she became to be known, was at first nothing more than a blonde plaything of one Hunter Hearse Helmsley. Before too long, Marc Mero disapproved of Hunter’s mistreatment of Sable, and thus took her as his own girlfriend. And it wasn’t until HE started mistreating her that Sable, Miss Alpha Female of WWF was born. Sable was beloved by all, women wanted to be her, men wanted to see her.

And that gave her somewhat of an ego. But it was contained and controlled. Until she did Playboy, in April 1999. That set her off, as Sable Inc. was born and Sable went from Heroic Standard for Female Rights to just another Prima Donna bitch.

Eventually, the WWF tired of her antics and demands, and released her from her contract. But that would neither be the last time she would appear in Playboy (she appeared again a few months later), but not even the last time she’d appear in Playboy with the help of the WWF, albeit with a name change in-between…

This could have been Sunny.
I'm kinda glad it wasn't.

Phase 2- It’s a joke now, but at the time, she was kinda hot.

For the record, yes, I own this, so sue me.

One year and a bit later, and the WWF had become a somewhat different place. The WWF was on a roll, both maintaining a high degree of success and popularity that had been generated in the previous couple of years, and a influx of talented wrestlers meant that, in some people’s eyes, the product began to match the quality it’s popularity would have suggested.

This despite, or perhaps in some ways because of the next Alpha Female of the WWF to have arisen after Sable’s departure, Chyna. While the sad, pathetic creature that occasionally appears in C, nay, D level shows and appearances today is someone who should be pitied (and who might still be capable of getting back some of her lost respect), back in 2000, Chyna was on top of the world. She was both wildly successful in the ring, becoming the first female Intercontinental Champion, and was successful outside the ring, getting a steady love interest in Eddie Guerrero and being popular and somewhat desired, thanks to hard work and, it must be admitted, some plastic surgery. Just a little.

*cough*

But then, in what would become a pattern in her life (and, it has to be said, in the fate of those who appear in Playboy for WWE), as one part of her life went up, another went down. Once she announced that she was posing for Playboy, Eddie went nuts, trying everything he could to get her to change her mind or to stop the shoot. And, about the time her issue came out, she found out Eddie was cheating on her with a couple of Hos.

They broke up at this point.

And so Chyna’s edition of Playboy went on sale, and was hugely successful. And she was immediately targeted by Right To Censor, Steven Richards’ uptight moral guardians of the WWF. This led to Chyna hurting her neck, missing out on time, winning the WWF Women’s title and then ending up out of the WWF altogether later in 2001.

I’d like to say one of those things is not like the other, but considering her achievements prior to that point, maybe not.

But ok, so the first two kinda let their shoots go to their head, the next one would be ok, right? Right?

Right.

God I'm witty.
I'd hit it.

Phase 3- So is it ok to find this edition a bit dull?

She just never did it for me.

A couple of years passed, and no divas from WWF, now WWE, had appeared in Playboy since Chyna. This did not sit well with Smackdown GM Stephanie McMahon, and she began to negotiate. Unlike the last two women, who had earned their shoots by being wildly popular and independent, Torrie Wilson was granted the shoot by Steph. Torrie was thrilled, despite this somewhat insulting way she had achieved the spot, and had to fend off Nidia and her frustration at not being selected.

Torrie’s Playboy Shoot was somewhat like herself. Successful, popular, but somehow slightly bland and unsatisfying. The thrill of the last two seemed to have gone, perhaps because she had appeared to be so passive in gaining the issue.

However, the night Torrie had her party to celebrate the publishing of the issue, Sable returned.

That was quite a spark.

Sigh.
See, coz she's a blonde bombshell...

Phase 4- A sort of Love/Hate/Love/Hate/Willing to sit there naked next to each other relationship.

I hate when they do this.
They could at least make the photos inside different of something…

Torrie and Sable began as somewhat catty enemies, with Sable being somewhat bi-polar to the new blonde on the block, one minute coming onto Torrie, the next beating her down. Eventually though, the two made up and became friends.

Such good friends, in fact, that when Wrestlemania XX began to roll around in 2004, the two went and proposed a double shoot with the two of them together.

Naturally, everyone agreed.

Well, except Miss Jackie and Stacy Kiebler, who felt that it was not right that Sable and Torrie got another go round. They thought it should be someone else’s turn. This led to a Playboy Evening Gown Match at Wrestlemania XX, which Sable and Torrie won.

The two women then broke up and went their separate ways, but their dual shoot was so good, apparently, that it led to the WWE/Playboy shoot to become a firm annual tradition, for every year since a WWE Diva has appeared in the March/April edition right before Wrestlemania. And the first woman to step up into this new annual tradition was also the first Diva Search Winner.

Yeah, whatever.
At least ONE doesn't need editing.

Phase 5- Well, she is a natural Redhead.

Shouldn't there be something in the bottom right?

After Christy had won the Diva Search Contest, and then spent a few months getting rid of her runner up Carmella DeCesare, Christy found herself the target of a rather high profile opponent, WWE Women’s Champion and legend Trish Stratus. Trish was somewhat unimpressed with Christy, both as a wrestler and as a model. When Trish found out that Christy was to appear in Playboy, the hated blonde began to tease, taunt and humiliate the poor thing, who then got help from Lita, who trained her leading up to a match at Wrestlemania 21 for the Women’s Title. Christy tried her best, but Trish was just far too strong and defeated her at the event. But she still had her Playboy shoot to console herself, as she fended of yet more jealous divas, like Victoria.

But Christy, while winning the Diva Search, was not the sole Diva Search Contestant to get hired, eventually. And the next Playboy Centrefold would be just one failed contestant…

Well who else would I use?
Maybe a gold medal…

Phase 6- With just a wave of my wand and some wishing…

Magic!

Candice Michelle is not a woman to take failure lying down. Despite not getting into the voting phase of the 2004 Diva Search, Candice worked hard and managed to get herself a contract with the WWE as, at first, a make up artist. She soon slid easily into the role of a Diva, albeit mostly as a manager and/or valet at first. After some ping-ponging around the brands, she finally settled into her role as one third of Vince’s Devils (after a short stint as one half of the Torrie/Candice team). Under Torrie and Victoria’s guidance, Candice both improved her in-ring work, thanks to Victoria, and her profile outside the ring, Torrie surely helping her get chosen to be the 2006 Playboy Model for the WWE. Candice’s shoot, while not directly impacting on her career, did mark the start of her upswing, for, despite periods of injury, Candice has become a fine, solid wrestler since then, even becoming the first Diva Search contestant to win a Title in the WWE.

While Candice went from strength to strength with the occasional injury, the next Playboy model went from injury to injury with the occasional success.

Ok, yeah, this is pretty hot.
What, is she scared of losing it or something?

Phase 7- I’m sorry, but lip rings just aren’t sexy.

What is she doing, playing on a see-saw?

Ashley Massaro won the 2005 Diva Search, and is now the butt of any and all jokes unkind people wish to make about the search. Her unusual appearance and punk like attitude were fine, but her tendency to break in strong winds was a somewhat negative in the world of Pro Wrestling.

Not that being fragile is a bad thing, or in any way her fault, it’s just that she tended to be around for short periods, get into a good position, and then get injured, or have to leave to go film Reality shows, or something.

Ashley, like Christy before her, got a lot of attitude when she revealed her Playboy Issue to the world from the Women’s Champion, this time round Melina. And, again like Christy, Ashley would attempt to win the Women’s Title off of the champ at WrestleMania 23, and, yet again like Christy, she’d fall short.

Ashley’s issue did ok. Not great, but ok. She was however instrumental in the next Diva choosing to pose.

Seriously, is her fetish see-saws?
Or is she scared of falling down and breaking something?

Phase 8- Heh, Santino’s the first man to fuck a girl’s brains IN! Heh, Dunn kills me…

Poor Santino.

For Ashley, for reasons that men around the world were happy for even if they didn’t understand them, felt that Maria should be the next Diva to be in Playboy. Maria seemed cool with the idea, even if her boyfriend, Santino Marella, hated it. Unlike almost all the previous selections, Maria actually earned her spot, as she had to fight Beth Phoenix to win the shoot. She somehow managed to get past Beth, and the shoot was hers. After breaking up with Santino over it, Maria then had to deal with Beth and Melina, both jealous of her spot, and found an ally in Candice.

Until Candice got injured, so she went with Ashley. The duo fell at Wrestlemania 24, but Maria got the last laugh and last kiss with Snoop Dogg, and has maintained her popularity and new found independence/brains since posing.

Didn't want to risk butt.
Take 42...

Today- Who’s Next

Several names are floating around as to whom will be the lucky girl in 2009. Kelly Kelly seems a popular choice, while with her recent win Maryse seems to have a strong argument. Perhaps Beth will get a second chance, or maybe, just maybe, WWE will let a woman who has wanted to pose for so many years, Victoria, give us all what we want.

Or at least what I want.

Conclusion

Above all, the many women who have posed in Playboy on behalf of the WWE have shown us all one, important lesson.

No matter how talented a female athlete is, no matter how skilled, or how strong, or how tough, there’s still a good percentage of men out there who still don’t care unless they get their kit off.

Which is a shame, but then, if you can make money off it, it’s all good.

NULL

article topics

Mathew Sforcina

Comments are closed.