Five-Star Conversation 01.06.09: Heavy is the Rainbow Colored Head That Wears the Crown

Posted by Geoff Eubanks on 01.06.2009

A champion always has a target on his back, but Jeff Hardy now finds himself a walking archery set. So who's got the bow and arrow?

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: Watching WWECW last week, I had the notion of turning The Boogeyman heel as some kind of evil shaman, perhaps of Voodoo or Santeria…? Would that work, or would it be too close to some neo-Papa Shango…?

THE LEGACY GETS LOSES AN ARM
Get it? Arm? LEGacy…? Bah, never mind.

This is nothing of substance, just something I considered that made me laugh last week when Manu failed to win his match on Raw, thus, under leader Randy Orton's edict, would mean his being cut from the stable. Of course, by the time you read this, we'll know the outcome, but I could see the following standing to occur:

Manu is, indeed, fired from THE LEGACY prompting the rookie to run home and tell his Hall of Fame father, WILD SAMOAN Afa the bad news. And so, in an attempt to smooth things over, Afa, as any one might expect, hosts a tea party at the hut for the fathers of all LEGACY members, to relive old times and form a certain amount of neo-camaraderie, such that, perhaps, Cowboy Bob might talk son Randy into allowing Manu a second chance.

A noble consideration, until all four fathers converge and, as the great Gorilla Monsoon might have said to describe the scene, pandemonium runs wild. Jimmy Snuka, true to form, keeps snorting toots out of the sugar bowl with his plastic stir straw ("Hey, bruddah, this is great shit…Columbian…?" Afa replies, deadpan, "Uh, C&H, I think…") and Cowboy Bob takes exception to Dusty Rhodes bogarting the pastries…and the biscotti…and the coffee cake…and Afa's homemade lemon bars, a fight breaks out and, PS, long story short, Cowboy Bob gets caught up in the moment, blades with a broken tea cup and infects the entire lot with Hepatitis-B.

HEAVY IS THE MULTI-COLORED HEAD THAT WEARS THE CROWN
[Disclaimer: According to some spoilers that have leaked, by the time this article posts, the following could be a moot point of discussion, and that's my fault; as I've said, it's been my intention to address this situation for weeks now, but, for one reason or another, it's found its way to the proverbial back burner. I hope you still find it to be an entertaining and interesting read.]

I've had this discussion/investigation on my mind for awhile, since it occurred a couple moths ago, but, for one reason or another, the proper proverbial stars haven't aligned to afford me the time, frame of mind, etc. to address it, but let's do now, in the first edition of 5SC of 2009.

Jeff Hardy finally debunked his critics and naysayers, overcame his personal issues and garnered enough faith and respect from McMahonagement to warrant becoming the WWE Champion, the standard-bearer of SmackDown!. The latter portion of 2008 saw Jeff to be the proverbial moth to the title's considerable light, always hovering near, but never quite managing to score the necessary victory at the appropriate time to secure the belt, even as he racked up impressive, main-event-worthy decisions over longtime WWE legends Triple H and The Undertaker.

He also took his unique persona to a new level as his determination mounted and, apparently finding inspiration from Heath Ledger's much-lauded Joker from The Dark Knight, began delivering a quality of promo completely consistent with his image, while still evolving to what feels like a crucial next level, such promos leaving the convicted all the more ardent, the non-believers scratching their heads, but, still, with a quality demanding to be seriously reckoned.

Obviously, there are those on Friday Nights, in terms of kayfabe (I'm not EVEN going to attempt to write a piece concerning backstage sentiments!) who bemoan this ascension of The Ultimate Risk-Taker's to the top of the heap, but none, presumably, quite so much as the mysterious, still-unnamed assailant of Jeff's, the person who attacked him at his hotel prior to SURVIVOR SERIES. When is Triple H ever happy not being the champion? Vladimir Kozlov has to have felt himself to be the next title-holder. And Edge is so obsessed with hoarding the belt, to ensure that he has preferential title obligation, he's taken to cow fucking.

But I think this situation is more complicated than your typical, run-of-the-mill "everybody's gunning for the top spot" championship situation, so let's break down this situation and try to get to the bottom of who and why and what could be the possible ramifications. The obvious place to start, since we have them, are the possible suspects.

TRIPLE H: One has to consider Tri as one of the top most-likely Jeff-Haters in this scenario, and an attack of this nature is certainly within The Game's modus operandi; just ask Shawn Michaels, or, perhaps, more accurately, the poor bastard who had to shell out the big bucks to whichever rental agency that owned out the car whose window through which HHH smashed the head of HBK to kick off their lengthy blood feud earlier this decade.

There was also that little matter, even before this act of absolute brutality, that saw Steve Austin shelved for an entire year when The Game consigned Rikishi to run down The Rattlesnake, as HHH, ready to ascend to the next tier, the TOP tier, of the business, viewed a healthy Stone Cold as his most significant speed bump to so do (remember, friends, kayfabe here).

Let's also remember what Tri might have learned from Ric Flair during their shared tenure in EVOLUTION, if you want to go old school with it; remember THE HORSEMEN attacking Dusty Rhodes in a parking lot?
One would, therefore, be forced to consider that there's apparently an entire chapter devoted to backjumping in The King of Kings' playbook.

However, let's bear in mind, this attack occurred prior to Jeff having won the belt. Perhaps an attempt at some preventative medicine, Trips? The argument could certainly be made, especially when, as evidenced on the newly-released "History of the InterContinental Title" DVD, at whose expense did Jeff make his last statement of rank ascension, from tag specialist to solo threat? Triple H. It was the general perception at that time that Tri was slumming as much as hoarding as ICC during his partnership with Austin in THE TWO-MAN POWER-TRIP, as Austin was HWC and HHH was simply making a statement. But it was a plucky Jeff Hardy who shocked the world by, not only refusing to cringe in the wake of The WWF's most powerful alliance (which also saw Mr. McMahon and The Vincess pulling strings behind the scenes for the duo), but actively challenging and cleanly pinning HHH for the midcard strap.

Might The Game have lied awake some sleepless nights as he now felt The Rainbow-Headed Warrior, once again breathing down his neck for the most valuable prize in the world, thus encouraging him to hatch a plan harkening back to the days of yore to keep his spot secure? After all, nothing is certain in these times if old-friend-turned-rival-turned-new-friend HBK can squander his savings and end up working for JBL…

If Triple H has proven anything to us in the past, it's that, just as you've learned to trust and snuggle up to him, his personal agenda always supercedes the fans' expectations and desires, as he has one concern and one concern only…to be the best and have gold in his hands to prove it. How far would he go, even now, to keep the SmackDown! playing field as minimal as possible…?

VLADIMIR KOZLOV: Does Kozlov want to be WWE Champion? Uh, duh, yeah…but at what cost? That's the question that surrounds The Moscow Mauler in this regard. On the one hand, we take him at face value and assume he wants to make a name for himself in Dobble-Dobble-E by virtue of his own considerable merit, the same considerable merit that has brought him as high up the card thus far as it has. After all, it is HE who is undefeated…can our WWEC boast the same?!

One can only assume Kozlov wants to be the first Russian export since the fall of the Berlin Wall and Soviet Communism to cross the phantom of The Iron Curtain and prove himself as a champion in America, not just for his Motherland and those such as Nikita Kolov, Boris Zukov and Nikolai Volkov, who all paved the way and strove to achieve the same level of notoriety, but for country as well, whether or not tied to Communist bonds, simply to have emigrated to America and out-shown the natives at their own game.

But let's consider how little we truly know about Kozlov. Does he come to America simply for competition? Does he view America in a similar fashion as do some in the Middle East (that we collectively, in political, military and cultural fashion, force our notions of freedom and righteousness down the throats of those with a differing level of set government in place) and wish to prove to us, in his own way and on our own playing field, that he can best us, and, as such, so can his comrades, thus knocking us off our hypothetical self-placed pedestal? Or is his path more akin to that of an old school Kurt Angle, whereupon it is his desire to conquer an inferior world without words, without shenanigans, but simply with talent?

If it is via this final option by which Kozlov plans to prove his superiority, doesn't he stand to be a hypocrite if his dubious actions are discovered? Why, certainly, as long as one labors over the small factors, such as ends and means and the justification between the two…but this supposition forces us to question…exactly how well do we KNOW Kozlov, and are we damning him simply for being undefeated, talking funny and being from a country at which, for years, we found ourselves, collectively bitterly opposed? To this point, all Kozlov has requested is appropriate competition, because, heretofore, he's wiped his Ruskie ass with everyone else. Can he be blamed, as a professional, for wanting to be fairly challenged and rewarded?

But let's consider the insinuation of racism/corporate favoritism from the point of view of Kozlov. Let's suggest for a moment that you, the reader, are a well-seasoned professional wrestler from across the globe who is so good, so polished, so seasoned, that you've quite literally exhausted your native opposition, and so, thus, travel to America to take on the biggest, best and brightest. You score a contract with the worldwide leader in your field and manage to accumulate an undefeated record for MONTHS, and, most importantly, on your own terms.

FINALLY you're allowed the opportunity to fight for the top prize, but there's always this, speaking in relative fashion, physically underdeveloped, hair-and-body-painted nymph jumping and bouncing around the ring, whose endeavors bear no resemblance to the mat-based "real" wrestling upon which you pride yourself…and to make matters worse, somehow, he manages to WIN and garner the fan support you feel you rightfully deserve, but do not receive. Even in Madison Square Garden or Canada.

But the question under the auspices of this argument is, Would Kozlov go so far as to attack Jeff in his hotel for these, or undiscovered, reasons? Is that really in Kozlov's character? Is he so of the ilk such that he'd rather prove himself in the ring to gain accolades, and, indeed, championship gold for his ability, or might resentment, greed and self-delusional, self-preservation sneak into an otherwise noble, yet misunderstood head?

EDGE: It's almost an exercise in redundancy to consider The Rated-R Superstar's motivation and willingness to have potentially back-jumped Jeff. If Edge retired right now, in terms of his main event-level status, his would be a legacy of manipulation, underhandedness and altogether unscrupulous behavior where concerning his relationship with world titles. Not only is he most apt to jump at the lowest and cheapest opportunity to better his status, he'd do so with his signature 45-toothed smile dripping off his face. Look at the manner in which he's taken advantage of The Widow Guerrero with the intention of padding his title reigns and, in the event he should lose the belt, be assured a clear path back to that title.

(By the way, unless I've missed something, I still am vastly dissatisfied that we've not been afforded an explanation of why Edge and Vickiekins are back to being two peas in a pod following Edge's infidelity with Alicia Foxx, the betrayal that saw Edge stuck in The Cell with The Undertaker, which resulted in his extended, beard-growing tour of Hell, this being La Moo-Moo-Cita's edict of revenge.)

I have a lot of fun at Vickie's expense, what with all the cow jokes and all, which dates well back to when I was analyzing SD! for The R's, but the fact of the matter is, her surly attitude aside, it strikes me that Vickie will ultimately become a tragic figure once her heat finally begins to wane. Look, here's a widow, now a single mother of three whose best option to provide for her girls was to get involved in the industry into which she had married. As the age of 40 loomed on the horizon, Vickie had to start wondering if she was going to spend the rest of her existence alone. 40 isn't young, but it mightn't even be the halfway point in her life…the notion of having struggled through Eddie's dark days with him, forcing herself away from him when he had proven himself unfit to any longer fulfill his role as husband and father, despite her enduring love for him…what a heart-wrenching yet altogether courageous decision. Of course, Eddie got his life back on track and was able to prove to Vickie that he had indeed changed his life for the better, at which time she must have been overjoyed to accept and welcome back the man she truly loved, the father of her children, into their lives…only to have him taken irrevocably so suddenly and unexpectedly only several years later. Cut to now, as I mentioned, that she's looking at the rest of her life, wondering if she'll ever experience that quality of love again, or if she's destined to finish out her days alone, without companionship.

Enter Edge, the dashing, smooth-talking, considerably younger man who not only takes an interest in the widow, but professes affection and attraction for Vickie. The flattery, the hope had to play on her heart, such that she'll fight against her nature to keep him, that she'll stoop below her own morals to keep him, what part of her most cynical mind must be thinking could be her last chance at happiness with another man. (And when I claim that Vickie is betraying her own moral fortitude in Edge's regard, recall back to that admittedly awful "Dominick has two daddies" angle when Eddie was playing head games with Rey Mysterio's young son, all because Eddie couldn't defeat his younger former amigo; it was Vickie who begged Eddie to cease his horrible actions and let Mysterio's family be, even to the end that she, herself, became physically involved in the spectacular Ladder match blow-off to the angle, preventing Eddie from winning, thus implying that, at one time, she was staunchly on the side of what was good and right. How the righteous have fallen…and all in an attempt to circumvent her own fear and desperation.

That psychological profile to illustrate this point – Edge is such a lascivious son of a bitch that he gleefully insinuates himself into this situation for his own self-betterment; how the HELL can he have reservations about cracking across the cranium a decade-old rival who's beginning to sniff around his [Edge's] territory?

MATT HARDY: What a horrible notion, brother attacking brother, especially older attacking younger, given the stigma that an older brother helps to guide and protect his younger sibling. Ah, but there's the rub, as Shakespeare once wrote, and it applies to this Bardian story of greed, jealousy, contempt and resentment.

We've discussed here this possible turn in our story before, so I'll not belabor the point, but it does bear repeating, as this is the crux of the article and a good investigation leaves no stone unturned.

It's long been common knowledge that Matt was the proverbial brains behind THE HARDY BOYZ/TEAM XTREME. It was he who would brainstorm the flashier, more colorful and dangerous maneuvers that made fans worldwide take note. Matt was the architect of Jeff's daredevil antics, the kid in A Christmas Story who Triple Dog Dare-d Flick to stick his tongue on the icy flagpole…except Jeff never got stuck. Indeed, The Charismatic Enigma (whatever the fuck THAT means) seemed always to fall up.

When Jeff left the company to explore TNA, a move which typically pisses off Vince McMahon (just ask Mick Foley), it was Matt who was fired when "Litagate" broke on the Internet…and Jeff, with his satchel of drugs, was welcomed back into WWE. When Matt was finally rehired, it was ultimately to put over another performer (notwithstanding such performer was the former friend who coaxed his real-life, six-year girlfriend into the sack while Matt was home injured); Jeff became InterContinental Champion. When Matt was having one of the best programs on SD! against MVP which culminated in the biggest singles title victory of his career, Jeff was serving a suspension for failing a Wellness test. When Jeff racked up his second Wellness violation, thus earning a 60-day suspension without pay, such suspension saw Jeff screw himself out of a substantial WrestleMania payday where he was heavily favored to win the Money in the Bank Ladder match, which would have been his easy ticket to the top, Matt was dropping his UST after a paltry and unmemorable three months. But when Jeff's house burned down, it was Matt who took him in and gave him food and shelter, because that's what brothers do.

Now here's Matt all but banished to the televised developmental, while Jeff climbs to the top of the heap on SD!, the brand for which Matt used to compete, but was seemingly shuffled away to make room for his more colorful (figuratively and literally), more popular (in front and, apparently, behind the curtain) brother who, despite his myriad fuck-ups continues to be afforded opportunity after opportunity, finally ascending the ladder, shattering the glass ceiling to become WWE Champion. Oh, sure, Matt might hold the WWECW title, but he had to give up the UST to get there, a move which, if anything, is decidedly lateral.

Matt resents Jeff for the undeserved and repeated chances he's been allowed by McMahonagement and the fans. Matt resents the fans who dress up like his drug-addled brother and buy his merchandise. Matt resents the fact that his own merchandise has to be paired up with Jeff's, to be sold as THE HARDY BOYS to sell, even as Jeff's solo merch flies off the stands. Matt could always beat Jeff as they were coming up, back on the trampoline, in OMEGA, whether sparring or scuffling as brother are apt to do growing up. If he only had a shot at that WWET, he knows he could beat him again and ascend to his rightful spot as a true standard-bearer, the brand leader he knows he could be if his own flesh and blood (who is too busy reveling in his newfound status) would allow him a title shot.

As the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Matt decided to squeak across the skull of his champion brother.

CHRISTIAN CAGE: As The Professor and MaryAnn said after the first season of "Gilligan's Island" aired, "What's this ‘…and the rest' crap?!"

Christian was on the fast-track to becoming an unsung, fan-mandated anti-hero in WWE, bolstered under the buoyancy of his catchphrase "That's how I roll", winning over new "Peeps" after each increasingly entertaining promo. Unfortunately for him, though, McMahonagement had no "role" for him and, in a move I like to call "HOLLYWOOD BLONDS" syndrome, ignored the voice of the fans and proceeded to bury the young star, preferring instead to push his "brother", Edge. In retaliation, Christian jumped to TNA to prove that he was, indeed, a quality player with whom to be reckoned.

Now, tiring of being a big fish in a small pond, having, though, had the opportunity to refine his act in a main event role, Cage has once again set his sites on making his name in WWE, McMahonagement likely only too pleased to take a top player away from Dixie.

The ink dry on his new contract, Cage was left to ponder how exactly to make his return count, to make a huge splash upon his return, to make a statement that, this time, he would be utilized, he would be respected and he would prove to any and all doubters he deserved to wear world championship gold. So where better to start than at the top, with the champion, especially a champion who, as with Edge, he knows he can defeat; don't forget, Edge & Christian and THE HARDY BOYS all made their names in those spectacular Tag Team Ladder/TLC matches, warring over the TTTs, but it was E&C who won the vast majority of said contests. Given that history, why shouldn't it repeat, especially since Cage is now a smarter, more seasoned and more driven fighter than he was the last time they locked horns, and with the WWET as the prize, it stands to reason that Cage will be all the more driven. Similar to when Mankind taunted the Philadelphia crowd in 1996, having jumped to The WWF from ECW with, "I'll never set foot in that bingo hall again!", so now will Cage announce, "I'll never be your tantrum-throwing comedy act again!"

Also, given Edge and Matt Hardy's history, can anyone smell an E&C/HARDY BOYS return TLC match for WrestleMania 25?

At the end of the day, someone attacked Jeff Hardy with the intention of negating his championship aspirations. All of the above have his own very pronounced reasons to do so, although some more than others, and even if only one of the aforementioned is the actual culprit, that's not to say the rest still won't have his WWET gleaming in his eyes. Fasten your seatbelt, Jeff, it's going to be bumpy championship tenure.

COMMENTPALOOZA!
Geoff, are you living in Bako? I am, saw the reference to the Best Buy on Rosedale (which is where I picked up the last copy of the Edge DVD)
Posted By: KEdge2k (Guest)

No, sir, I live in West Hollywood, but the ‘rents still live there and visited during the holidays and fell in love with their new basset hound, the rambunctious little bitch. How ‘bout that Plumberry's pizza, huh?

Actually, I did get a winter hat for Christmas this year, lol. Thanks for mentioning my original comment, Geoff.
Posted By: Nick (Guest)

Damn, even SANTA reads me! LOL! Nice score, Nick, and thanks for reading and commenting!

Another Samoan tag team? How is this a good idea??? Hey, let's give them black tights, hard heads, wild hair, no shoes, and a goatee! WOW! HOW DIFFERENT!!!
These Samoan guys are boring as shit!
Haku, Samu, Tama, Yoko, Fatu, Rosey, King Curtis, Prince, Uuuuumaga, Manure, Afa, Sim, Sika...All pretty much the same boring wrestler.
Peter Miavia, the Rock, and maybe Superfly are the only good ones.
Keep the Samoans as trainers but they are lame, boring assed wrestlers.
Posted By: FUZEY (Guest)

Wow, I'm sorry you're so adamantly against the Samoans! Personally, as I've mentioned here before, I'm no fan of Manu's, but I'm willing to chalk it up to inexperience before I really go whole hog and condemn him absolutely, which is why I pair him up with Umaga, because ol' Jamal has come a LONG way and is, to me, one of the most seasoned, intelligent and prolifically unique performers under the WWE umbrella at the moment; it stands to reason that Manu could learn a lot from tagging with The Samoan Bulldozer while helping to pad the tag ranks.

I under-appreciated Yokozuna back in the day, but, having revisited some of his matches, it was simply astounding that he was as quick and agile as he was for his incredible size and he really had a solid grasp of heel psychology. It was a shame he passed away so young…one wonders how much effort Vince put into helping to curtail the self-destructive nature that took him too soon…

The original Samoans were scary as hell and a lot of fun to watch. One of my favorite old school memories was watching The Rock's dad, Rocky Johnson and his partner Tony Atlas (who, believe it or not, was a good competitor back then) defeat THE WILD SAMOANS for the TTTs, sending Cap'n Lou Albano (a ridiculously underappreciated manager today) into a greasy tizz. They were also a total class act when inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.

My admiration for Jimmy Snuka (despite the manner in which I open this week) and The Rock have been well-documented here over the months (although, in fairness, Snuka is from Fiji, not Samoa).

Obviously, FUZEY, we're going to have to agree to disagree.

Fuzey, your opinion may be that you hate the Samoan wrestling style. I for one love it. I am huge fan of the Wild Samoans and the Headshrinkers, I have loved the recent run from Umaga, and though he became grossly overweight and sloppy in the end of his tenure I have come to appreciate Yoko as well. So while they may be "boring as shit" to you some fans think they are fun to watch.

Geoff, I hope my comment a few weeks ago was not out of line, obviously it was light hearted. I respect you immensely and I come to 411 Mania for three reasons, Dark Pegasus reviews, The Three R's, and Five Star conversation. Thanks for pouring so much of your time into this.

I got the History of the I-C title for Christmas from my wife, and I forced her to watch it with me, but she said she would only watch the new millennium (to which I staunchly scolded her ignorance) We watched the entire final disc and the up to the Savage title win on the first disc. She's never really cared for wrestling but she loved most of those matches.

I personally find the announce team for the first months of Raw to have been my least favorite, Rob Bell, Vinnie Mac, and the Macho Man. Just Horrible.
Posted By: Carnivore (Guest)

Much gratitude, Carnivore…!!! Wow, I am completely humbled…that's some damn good company. The R's could, at times, be a real bitch to finish each week, as is the case when one is an analyst; one is at the mercy of that which s/he is given to analyze, and, as we know, the quality of the programming, shall we say, tends to fluctuate some. The freedom of one's own column comes at a price, though, in that it's up to the writer to come up with something to say each week, and sometimes, there just ain't much ya wanna go on about. But, as evidenced this week, I've got the best readers on the net and I'd be happy to challenge anyone who says otherwise. I really appreciate you guys. It's great to know that's a mutual situation.

Obviously, I've no problems with anything you've ever posted. I have a pretty good eye for light-hearted and good-natured ribbing. There's a definite and noticeable difference between comradary and maliciousness and I took your comment as the former and even got a good laugh. I totally welcome such thoughts, especially as we all continue to tighten our community here at 5SC (no, that's not a secret-society gay term, although I suppose it could be, huh…?).

You, sir, have married vey well. Don't scold too harshly…you don't wanna lose this one! Isn't it amazing how, in those early years emanating from MSG, that there is really very little actual wrestling, that the bulk of the actual match time consists of the heel playing up the heel heat from the crowd and his opponent? This DVD set seems to be to me SUCH a greater representation of, not only the absolute quality of performers to have gone to war over the pride of being the ICC, but a modern-day history of The WWF/E throughout the past 30 years, which actually makes it more than it originally sets out being (and it's certainly superior to its WWET counterpart!).

You know, I watched the Raw 15-year DVD retrospective and absolutely have no recollection Rob Bell at all. Granted, that's before I got back into watching The WWF regularly, which occurred around mid-to-late '95. I seem to recall Bell wasn't around for very long, though, so that's prolly way. So the better! And I can actually trump you on that team: Vince McMahon (in full-on "Un-beee-LIEVE-abull!"/"WHAT a man-EU-ver!"/"One…Two…Threeee, he GOT ‘eemmm…NOOOO…" mode), Randy Savage (Who actually opened WrestleMania 9 with this nugget of wisdom, "It's WrestleMania, YEEEAHHH, ya gotta get out therrre and do the THINGGGAH, oooh YEEAAHH, DIG IT!" As Rick James once said, "Cocaine is a powerful drug.") and ever-clever face Roddy Piper. I've never loved Flair more than when, true to word, strutted directly over to the announce booth and called out Piper, waffled him with a chair and, in his post-waffled state, parted Vince's toupee with a chair. Fucking wonderous.

I apologize if my Pat Patterson remark has caused you any stress over the last few weeks, Geoff.

I actually take it as a complement that you felt the need to be truthful about your sexual orientation (and it doesn't matter) to the readers of this column. The column has a feel to it like we're all sitting around having a few drinks and talking wrestling. A lot of my comments are similar to conversions that I've had with my very close friend, the Homewrecker. Yourself, Todd(0) Vote, JLAJRC, The Great Capt., Carnivore, etc., all seem like good peeps, and I enjoy everyone's comments.

"I wonder why WWE creative can't sit down and noodle some ideas like these. I mean if you have some creative juices flowing and a semi-talented roster you can make some compelling television.
Posted By: CarnivoreJ (Registered)"

It's probably because we LOVE wrestling where to some of the writers, it's just a job. 411 has been a part of my day for almost 10 years (I think) now. Vince wants Hollywood writers, but what do they know about wrestling? I've seen a lot of shit over the last 30 years. Fuck, I'm almost 40 years old and I still get goosebumps when I think about the Road Warriors in the 80's, the (heel) Rock in the late 90's, and Flair-HBK and the following Raw last year. We are emotionally invested in the product. I would assume it's a paycheck to most of the writers.

Happy New Year.
Posted By: Angry Bear (Guest)

Back atcha, Angry Bear!

As I said to Carnivore I understood and appreciated the nature in which the Patterson remark was intended, and was amused by it. It's all good and I appreciate your concern and understanding. You, sir, are one of the good ones.

When Larry first told me I was getting my own column, I, obviously, had to consider exactly what approach I wanted to take with it. I didn't want a gimmick, per se, but still have an angle. Obviously, we have some avid, intelligent wrestling fans here at 411 and it was to those folks I wanted to appeal. I, too, knew that any column I was going to write, by virtue of my writing style, was not going to be for everyone, but that, too, was my intention. I'm quite verbose and I show off my vocabulary like a guy who's proud of his cherry vintage car…after all, English is my native language, I may as well speak it properly, right? It's been shown here that not everyone likes or gets the way I write, and that's fine. The approach to the manner in which I express myself and deal with the topics at hand is also measured and calculated on my part; I don't know everything, as you all have seen…I've required correcting on a number of occasions…so for me to attempt to come off as some guru would be ludicrous and faulty, to say nothing of opening the door to discrediting and humiliating myself. Too, the voice with which I write here appears to keep just the quality of readers with whom I want to converse returning…you'll notice no idiotic "RVD re-signing" comments left here.

All this to say, as it stands now, this column has evolved into exactly what I had hoped it would become when I first began to consider what I wanted from it, so for you to say that it feels as if a bunch of us are sitting around together shooting the shit in a relaxed, fun, yet informed and respectful manner as we knock back a couple is significant to me of an absolute triumph. I couldn't receive a greater complement…thank you!!!

I couldn't agree with you more about there being the difference between passion and paycheck and the effect it has on the televised product. We've seen the difference and the detriment performers who truly love the business (Jericho) and those who got involved because they see it as a quick payday (Goldberg), and I think that speaks volumes toward the creative end, as well. Hell, in any medium, how can one simply turn on creativity? It either happens organically or it's forced and trite, which brings us back to something Larry's rightfully said and I've echoed on numerous occasions, How, with all of the classic talent in Road Agent positions, with all those minds who lived this business for decades, can the product be SO sub-standard so often? Barry Windham is laid off, but the asshole who came up with the Khali Kiss-Cam is still employed? Am I the only one who thinks Vince has been sitting downwind of Brian Kendrick?

In regards to your opening statement, props to you man. It must have been hard for you to decide to share that personal information with us. Luckily you have the best readers on 411, and your statement will not change the way any of us feel about you being one of the best writers on this site.

Openings in the wrestling zone you say? I wonder if Ashish would let me transfer over this soon into my tenure.

Now back to the second generation stars. Curious as to your thoughts on once the heel group Legacy is established, what would your take be on one of the GM's getting desperate and starting a group of second gen face stars to combat the legacy... Any interest?
Posted By: Todd Vote (Registered)

A million thank-yous, Todd! Like I said, it's nothing about which I'm embarrassed or ashamed, but it just never really came up and I thought it would be inappropriate to just stand up and shout, "Hey, world, I'm GAY!" like Mr./Ms. Garrison (BTW, if you haven't seen the episode where Ms. Garrison turns lesbian, FIND IT!). But, it came up and I saw no reason not to be honest. If I lose readers over it, they're not the kind of person I want reading my column anyway. As it happens, those I figured would stick around have, so there you are.

I'll do you one better. What if it seems THE LEGACY is being allowed a series of seemingly undeserved breaks, or at least preferential treatment that befuddles the other wrestlers, announcers, etc. and everyone is baffled as to how they could be getting away with it all, when it appears that Orton is only the leader…but the actual benefactor is revealed to be none other than Stephanie McMahon.

This prompts Shane to get involved, asking his sister what the hell she thinks she's doing, where she justifies herself as doing what she thinks is right for business, much to Shane's protestation. Unwilling to cease and desist, Shane decides to counter her heel troupe with, as you suggest, a face second/third generation stable of his own.

After all, Shane and Stephanie are third-generation wrestling personalities in their own right.

I think Ortons 5 or 6 years makes him seasoned enough. Remember that the Rock's entire wrestling career from WWE debut to retiring for hollywood was just about 6 years

Posted By: Flex Kavena (Guest)

Excellent call, Flex, you're absolutely right! Orton's not quite the immediate sensation The Rock was, but it took The Great One some time to really find his feet, too. Orton has been more of a slow burn who's grown into his hype in a complete fashion, but I truly believe we're watching the first real legend in the making of his generation.

Orton can put over anyone if he was booked that way, but why would you put someone over him now when he is probably hitting (in his career so far) the hottest streak?

Staples Center for Summerslam is the shit, even though im Australia it is still the shit! Here's hoping for a solid card
Posted By: Brad (Guest)

That, too, is a great consideration, but there are ways a match/program can be booked such that BOTH members involved can come out the better for having faced off, as I expect we'll see soon in the WWET feud about to be unveiled.

Obviously I'm excited for SUMMERSLAM at Staples, too. It's a great arena and I have a lot of great memories of fantastic shows there (sadly, the SD! I spent $150 to see at ringside wasn't one of them, other than having the experience of being that close!). Hopefully, it'll all work out that I can be there!

Sorry, but I can't e-mail anybody that's not work related or use my real name. My job won't let me. It's a security issue. I had to fight just to be able to comment on this site. Maybe if I win the lottery. As far as you being gay goes, WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?!?!? Just kidding. More power to you. I'm right behind you and no, not in that way.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)

Decidedly not so, Schmoove! LOL! But thanks a lot, my friend!

Yeah, dood, don't get yourself fired over a wrestling site! I have a conscience, too! Just keep on reading and contributing and that'll be just fine!

I actually got ahold of the Eddie Guerrero Box Set from the Super Best Buy that's slightly out of my way because the regular Best Buy near my house only carried the 3-disc set, so it does exist. Next time I may buy the new TNA set as I'm trying to get back into them and I have the previous TNA set they put out in 2005. Like you say, it's only $20 bucks for three PPV's.

AS for worst announcers, I'd rather listen to Vince McMahon, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham whoever else you think belongs here than the short-lived team of Bruce Pritchard, Mike McGuirk, and WWE jobber Pete "Duke of Yorkshire" Doherty. Pritchard and McGuirk are just bland and boring, but what really makes the team HORRIBLE is Doherty, as he basically has the voice of a male Fran Dresher with a really sore throat from the old sitcom "The Nanny." I can't tell if he's using his real voice or if it's something he's doing as his heel commentator character. If you got WWE 24/7 you can hear them on the occasional episode of Prime Time Wrestling and old school cards.

I can remember only two times when Chavo was supremely over. One was, of course, when he teaming with Eddie as Los Guerreros and both were at their comedic best. The other time was in WCW when he went insane and started carrying around the wooden horse Pepe. He was also comedic during that. There are just some wrestlers that while they may be solid in the ring, they just lack that certain thing to make fans care and need either a character or a gimmick to get over. Chavo is one of these wrestlers. So I say have him just go insane and take out Vicki. Then have team with Goldust, Santino, Boogeyman, Charlie Haas's impersonations, Umaga, Kung Fu Naki, and Khali as a new version of the Oddities.
Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest)

They have SUPER Best Buys?! Holy cow…how much merchandise can you HAVE just sitting around not being bought?! I think I might have waited too long to score that set, so my bad. Quite frankly, I forget what all was supposed to be on it, I just remember that I wanted it! Eh bien, I'll settle for the regular set. But I do recommend the TNA set!

I mentioned earlier the ICT DVD set, which is required viewing…the only thing marring it is Tool Grisham's OBNOXIOUS host segments. Seriously, WTF was Josh Mathews doing? Why not have a former champion host? OMG, was it not absolute sacrilege when he actually was WEARING the fucking belt?! I almost threw the remote at the television. However and ironically, he's actually just fine announcing with Matt The GOP Bigot Striker on Tuesdays, all the more reason, say I, to keep him OFF these DVD sets!

Cole is Cole. We're stuck with him, it seems. Bless him, I hear he works his ass off, but isn't it sad that someone can work so hard to produce so little?

Holy shit, though…Pritchard announcing? That's like a mouthful of shredded wheat and no milk. I never knew they allowed Mike McGuirk announce, either…has a woman ever called matches (no, Mary Hart at WrestleMania doesn't count!)…? Interesting, but I don't see it yielding much good. She had the apparent charisma of someone who just lays there and sweats when you fuck ‘em. I do not recall this Pete Doherty at ALL, though, but two out of three is enough for me. Sounds as if not even JR could save that mess!

Lord. Pepe. I was so furiously embarrassed for Chavo I couldn't watch that mess. That angle, BTW, was instrumental in causing me to regard WCW as complete dog shit. I simply couldn't believe they'd take a fantastic performer from a legendary family and tell him to ride a stick horse to the ring. Chavo will always pale in comparison to Eddie, and, unfortunately, those comparisons will always overshadow him, but he's a damn good wrestler and talker in his own right and deserves the chance to be all that he can be, and I believe he can be a vital part of any roster, brand or company with which he's associated, he just needs to be given some purpose.

Oh, but, dood, PLEASE spare me the NEW ODDITIES!!!

Thanks for reading! See ya next week!