The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks 01.09.09

Posted by John Meehan on 01.09.2009

It's a New Year, with a new format, and plenty of new content!



Welcome back, all -- and thanks again for checking out your regularly scheduled week-end dose of intrawebz 'rasslin optimism. Huge thanks to Jarrod Westerfeld for stepping in for Mee last week amid the New Years' insanity. And after a wonderful 19-day vacation with the ladyfriend and the fam and a full week's holiday hiatus from writing, I'm officially back in action with a brand new column... complete with a brand-new style!

Here's the scoop:

Being the Friday news reporter here on 411, I have the dubious honor/challenge of summing up a full week's worth of material every seven days. Problem is? With WWE and TNA *both* taping their shows on Mondays and Tuesdays, most backstage notes and injuries tend to be reported earlier in the week -- leaving the Friday news report to rehash new developments on stories that have already received substantial coverage elsewhere. On the flip side, both WWE and TNA traditionally save their "bad" stories for the famed "Friday five o'clock news dump" (so as not to attract too much media attention when performers are fired, etc.) -- and so a good number of THESE stories usually end up coming in several hours AFTER this column has already been posted.

As such --

A few months back, I tweaked the layout of this column to include what was then called "The Five Ds of Wrestling" -- Debuts, Departures, Disabled List, Doghouse, and Drama. This week, I've added one final "D" to the mix ("Developments," which discusses onscreen happenings), and in our new-and-improved format, we divide all of the week's stories into one of the six aforementioned categories ("The SIX Ds of Wrestling"), then we break them down into spoonful-sized blurbs by performer.

Feel free to post your feedback below -- and as always, enjoy the show!



New and/or newly returning performers of the past week.

Kizarny made his long-awaited in-ring debut on last week's Smackdown, defeating Montel Vontavious Porter to start his WWE career off with a victory. More information on Kizarny's debut and backstage reputation can be found in "The Doghouse" section below.



Obituaries, retirements, and/or performers whose contracts have ended this week.

Barry Windham was released from his role as a backstage agent by WWE earlier this week. His firing appears to be the result of a cost-cutting measure, taken in combination with the fact that WWE currently boasts a surplus of backstage agents in Ricky Steamboat, Sgt. Slaughter, Mike Rotunda, Dean Malenko, Arn Anderson, etc. Windham's release marks the second high-profile backstage departure from the WWE ranks in as many months, and he joins Bruce Pritchard in the list of the recently unemployed.

Christian Cage -- most recently of TNA fame -- officially saw his latest contract expire this week, making him free to sign with any wrestling organization of his choice at any time. Christian was last seen on TNA television on Nov. 13, when he was sidelined indefinitely following a (kayfabe) beatdown from the Main Event Mafia. It is widely speculated that Cage will return to World Wrestling Entertainment. SPOILER ALERT (click and drag over the following text to read): WWE recently filmed an angle where Jeff Hardy and his real-life fiancee were the victims of a hit-and-run vehicular assault. Along with the "mystery" ambush on the morning of Survivor Series, it is widely believed that Christian will be revealed as the perpetrator of these attacks, which should lead to a program against Jeff Hardy continuing through WrestleMania XXV.

Adam "Pacman" Jones, NFL star and former TNA tag team champion, was cut by the Dallas Cowboys late on Wednesday afternoon. With a laundry list of criminal charges and behavior issues to his name, it is widely speculated that other franchises will be hesitant to sign Jones any time in the near future. Needless to say, this has once again opened the door to rumors that TNA Wrestling might be interested in re-adding him as a special attraction to their roster. That said, his last run with the company was universally panned both by critics and fans outside of TNA and within the organization itself, and so the odds of him being re-hired as a regular performer seem to be unlikely at best.

Bam Neely was sent back to WWE's Florida Championship Wrestling territory this week, ending a wholly underwhelming 8-month stint on the main company roster. Since debuting in April of last year, Neely has accomplished a sum total of nothing. In addition to costing Chavo Guerrero even more matches than he'd helped him win, Bam managed to lose the large majority of his own matches, and is widely (dis)credited as being the single worst manager/bodyguard of 2008 -- and possibly in the all of WWE history. This demotion to the developmental leagues may be a stop-gap measure in an attempt to reboot Neely's character altogether. However, Neely has suffered an immesurable loss of credibility with virtually each new television appearance to date, and so this removal from television may be the last time the character (and the performer behind the persona) is seen on WWE programming altogether.



Performers injured or suspended in the past week.

Maryse, Smackdown's Divas Champion, is currently working through a dislocated kneecap injury that narrowly managed to avoid surgery. This is great news for Maryse and her fans alike, as rumors had swirled that the injury could put the Divas Champion on the shelf for up to six months' time if surgery was required. Instead, the blue brand's most-improved female performer is not expected to miss any substantial length of time.

Stevie Richards, former WWE and ECW performer, was recently released from the hospital after checking in to have a lung infection drained. Richards is said to be resting comfortably at home following the procedure, and is reported to be feeling better than he has in quite some time as a result of the treatment.



Performers who've landed in hot water over the past week.

Kizarny has landed in hot water in record time, as WWE management is reportedly unimpressed with the newly debuting superstar's performances since arriving on the Smackdown roster. Apparently, Kizarny's house show matches against MVP have been underwhelming at best, and the higher-ups in the McMahon family aren't keen on the bizzare newcomer's efforts or the WWE agents (namely John Laurinaitis) that have been responsible for his push. Whether or not this will affect his onscreen exposure remains to be seen, but it's certainly no secret that Kizarny's first televised match on WWE programming came off particularly heatless and left quite a bit to be desired.



Developing scandals, scuttlebutt, and budding backstage rumors.

John Cena has officially become the second best-selling WWF/E superstar of all time. According to WWE's 2008 sales figures, Cena's sales have eclipsed even those of Hulk Hogan at the peak of the Hulkamania boom, which places Cena second only to those record merchandise figures once set by Steve Austin at the height of his popularity and the Attitude Era. What makes this feat all the more impressive is the fact that Cena spent close to four months of the year sidelined with injury, not to mention the fact that WWE's overall popularity and mainstream exposure has decreased substantially since the heyday of the Attitude Era. In other words? Cena's do-gooder babyface act might well have worn thin, but it is still tremendously marketable. And being the merchandising juggernaut that he is -- don't hold out hope for a Cena heel turn any time in the near future.

Michelle McCool sounded off on her website lambasting critics who have accused her of stealing moves made famous by other performers. In her blog, McCool defended her actions, and argued that many active performers -- male and female alike -- have borrowed a substantial portion of their respective arsenals from colleagues and predecessors the world over. And for as awkward as she may be in executing many of these "borrowed" maneuvers, McCool most definitely has a point, and her critics should probably find something else to whine about. Like, for example, her microphone skills (or lack thereof).

Kanyon has announced that he will be ending his retirement from professional wrestling, effective immediately. Kanyon -- who made headlines in 2006 by proclaiming to be the first ever active openly gay professional wrestler in the business -- recently turned 39 years old and relocated to Queens, NY. He is accepting independent bookings within a 250-mile radius of his new home.

Bobby Lashley has announced his intent to return to a professional wrestling ring in the near future. Lashley left WWE amid a high-profile flap-up in 2007, and was reportedly seeking to follow in the footsteps of fellow WWE alumnus Brock Lesnar by pursuing a career in mixed martial arts. It is probably no coincidence that the former ECW Champion's announcement that he hasn't ruled out a return to professional wrestling comes shortly on the heels of a statement from UFC head Dana White, who recently told reporters that he had no interest in signing the former WWE star with his company. With his bridges burned at WWE and UFC showing no interest, one has to believe that Lashley's best bet for a televised return would have to be a contract with TNA. That said, TNA has not shown any signs that they are interested in Lashley to date -- and so Bobby may well be a man without a country in terms of mainstream U.S. exposure in the forseeable future.



Recaps and thoughts on the onscreen happenings of the past week. For the purposes of this column's deadline, we'll focus on THIS WEEK's RAW and ECW broadcasts, and LAST WEEK's Smackdown and iMPACT!.

TNA iMPACT! (air date: Jan. 1, 2009) was primarily a clip show, dedicated to catching viewers up to speed on some of the company's biggest angles and matches of the previous year. On this broadcast, fans were shown some of the best TNA matches of 2008 -- both in their entirety and interspersed with new in-character commentary from the personalities who took part in these bouts and the angles that surrounded them.

In the first of four re-broadcast bouts, fans saw Jeff Jarrett defeat Kurt Angle, in The King of the Mountain's highly anticipated Oct. 12 comeback match during TNA's Bound For Glory IV PPV. During their interspersed segments of commentary, both men used this match to add fuel to their upcoming rematch, scheduled for the Genesis PPV this Sunday night.

In the second re-broadcast bout (which originally aired as the main event of the Jan. 10, 2008 episode of TNA iMPACT!), viewers watched as Awesome Kong defeated Gail Kim to become the TNA Knockouts Champion. Due to the fact that Awesome Kong has yet to speak on camera while in TNA, and the fact that Gail Kim no longer works for the company, the interspersed commentary for this match was provided by TNA's other female performers.

In the third re-broadcast bout, fans relived history as Samoa Joe bested Kurt Angle in their mixed martial arts-style cage fight for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, a match that originally aired as the main event of the company's April 13 Lockdown PPV. In the newly added commentary, both Angle and Joe put over one another's efforts in the match -- and pointed to this contest as a clear starting point in the formation of each of their respective alliances in the months since.

In the fourth and final re-broadcast bout, audiences saw Sting successfully defend his TNA World Heavyweight Title against AJ Styles in a match that originally aired as the main event of the Nov. 9 Turning Point PPV. In all of the commentary throughout the match, this rivalry was used to establish the ongoing war between the TNA Frontline and the Main Event Mafia. Main Event Mafia honcho Sting will defend his title against a Frontline foe in Rhino this Sunday at Genesis, representatives from these two factions -- including AJ Styles himself -- will square off in a six-man bout in the undercard of this PPV. Sunday's PPV marks the in-ring return of Mick Foley, who has not appeared as an in-ring performer since last year's Royal Rumble match. Genesis also marks the first time that Rhino will challenge for a world title in a single's PPV contest since losing the same belt after a three-week-reign in Nov. 2005.

In the final match of the evening, TNA fans were treated to a main event of first-run content, which saw Beer Money, Inc. retain their TNA Tag Team titles in a chairshot-assisted winning effort over LAX. With the loss, it is believed that Homicide and Hernandez will each embark on singles' programs, respectively -- as each member of the LAX tag team holds a guaranteed title shot as a result of this year's Feast or Fired battle royal.

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On Friday Night Smackdown! (air date: Jan. 2, 2009), the road to the Royal Rumble began to take shape as the first participants were named for the 30-man battle royal match. Thus far, Smackdown! will be represented by Vladimir Kozlov, The Big Show, Shelton Benjamin, and 2006''s Royal Rumble winner, The Undertaker. Triple H will also be included in the 30-man battle royal, provided he can overcome his Triple Jeopardy match this Friday.

Triple H continued his cold war with Smackdown's General Manager, announcing that nude photos of Vickie Guerrero had been leaked on the internet. WWE.com subsequently published censored versions of those photos, and reported that they had been purchased in an online auction by The Great Khali.

Just a few short weeks after his return from injury, Hurricane Helms appears to be dead in the water in terms of upward mobility, as The Hurricane suffered a quick and decisive loss at the hands of Vladimir Kozlov, who remains unpinned in singles' competition since his WWE debut last year.

In tag team action, THE Brian Kendrick and his bodyguard Ezekiel Jackson were named number one contenders for the WWE Tag Team Championship after besting the team of Jesse and Festus. Kendrick and Jackson will face Primo and Carlito Colon for the straps on next week's Smackdown. The Colons have held the belts since Sept. 26 of last year, when they became champions by defeating Ryder and Hawkins.

Speaking of the former United States Champion, MVP's losing streak continued last week when he was bested by Smackdown's newest superstar, Kizarny. This outcome was repeated at house show appearances throughout the past week -- causing a frustrated MVP to announce to the live crowd in attendance that he had "quit" wrestling altogether following each of his losses. Interestingly, it seems as if fans are gradually beginning to sympathize with MVP's new loveable loser character, which could signal that a full-blown face turn is in store for Porter when his losing streak comes to an end.

On the subject of turns, former Divas Champion Michelle McCool cemented her heel turn this week by feigning an apology to Maria Kanellis, only to use her segment as a pretense to attack fellow Smackdown! diva Eve Torres.

In the main event of the evening, the slow burn between Smackdown's two biggest baddies continued when The Big Show walked out on his tag team partner Edge, leaving the Rated R Superstar to suffer a pinfall defeat courtesy of longtime rivals Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy.

Elsewhere on Smackdown, General Manager Vickie Guerrero announced that her onscreen husband, Edge would be challenging WWE Champion Jeff Hardy for his world title at the Royal Rumble PPV. As he has done for several weeks, Edge maintained his innocence and denied any involvement in November's offscreen (kayfabe) attack of his Royal Rumble opponent. Though Edge and Hardy have been feuding on and off at various stages of their respective careers for the better part of the past decade, this is the first time that Hardy will be facing Edge in the role as champion. In addition, the Royal Rumble will mark the first time these two men have faced in a single's match since their one-on-one encounter at Saturday Night's Main Event, which aired Aug. 2 of last year. Edge was victorious in the last singles encounter between these two men, where he scored a pinfall victory in the main event following outside interference by MVP.

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On RAW (air date: Jan. 5, 2009), the show opened with Chris Jericho and Randy Orton announcing that they had filed a formal protest with the WWE front office contesting the outcome of last week's Fatal Four Way number one contender's match. Stephanie McMahon then announced that the duo's petition had been reviewed and denied, but added that she would be placing both men in the Royal Rumble 30-man battle royal to give them the chance to earn another title shot. Jericho later announced that he had forwarded a copy of his grievance to Vince McMahon, who had reviewed the case and would be returning to RAW in two weeks' time in order to address the situation. The Chairman has not appeared on WWE programming since the "accident" that sidelined him on June 23 of last year.

As Stephanie was about to add Shawn Michaels to the Royal Rumble battle royal match, JBL requested instead that his "employee" be kept only to a ringside role during his championship match. Stephanie honored this request, barring Michaels from competition at the Rumble and adding even more fuel to his increasingly heated cold war against JBL. McMahon stoked these flames further by pairing Michaels with his "boss's" Royal Rumble opponent, John Cena in the evening's main event tag match against Orton and Jericho. Though Bradshaw offered Michaels a performance bonus if he was able to take out his tag partner, HBK maintained his integrity by teaming with Cena without incident as the pair defeated Orton and Jericho in the main event. To compound Shawn's dilemma, JBL then announced that Michaels would face Cena one-on-one in the main event on next week's RAW.

In mixed tag action, the team of Goldust and Melina defeated Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix, when the self-proclaimed A-List diva scored a clean pinfall victory over The Glamazon. These two will face off for the Women's Championship at the Royal Rumble on Jan. 25. After the match, Beth Phoenix's "biggest fan" Rosa Mendez attacked the number one contender.

In a surprisingly brief contest, William Regal retained his Intercontinental Championship by intentionally earning himself a disqualification loss against number one contender CM Punk. Immediately following the match, Stephanie McMahon announced that a rematch would be scheduled so that a clean finish could be assured, adding that Regal would lose his title were he to suffer a second disqualification. Interestingly, McMahon did *not* stipulate that the title could change hands in an intentional count-out situation, and no date has been set for this rematch.

Elsewhere on RAW, it was announced that Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston would also be taking part in the Royal Rumble 30-man battle royal. Unfortunately for these two, their luck wasn't all good as the duo came up short in a losing effort against World Tag Team Champions John Morrison and The Miz. After the match, Mysterio's luck changed from bad to worse, as he was assaulted once again by Mike Knox.

The ever-improving Kelly Kelly defeated Jillian Hall (arguably one of the most over heels in all of the company) in singles competition. After the match, Jillian's beatdown of her opponent was cut short by Kane. The Big Red Machine then taunted Kelly for rejecting his advances only to be rejected in turn by her own crush in Randy Orton. Kane then announced that he would be facing Orton on next week's RAW.

Tag action continued on RAW as Cody Rhodes and Sim Snuka defeated Cryme Tyme in order to complete "Phase Two" of their initiation into Randy Orton's good graces. Earlier in the night, Orton dismissed Manu from his stable as a penalty for failing to win his initiation match. Though the team was successful in their tag outing, it was Cody Rhodes who picked up the pinfall victory... thus proving him to be the stronger of the two young superstars, and guaranteeing Sim's unceremonious ousting from the faction immediately thereafter as The Legacy gained immeasurable and much-needed credibility by shedding even more dead weight.

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On ECW on SciFi (air date: Jan. 6, 2009), Jack Swagger became the number one contender after defeating Finlay in a solid show-opening contest. After the match, Swagger petitioned ECW General Manager Teddy Long to me named the number one contender for the ECW Championship currently held by Matt Hardy. Long granted this request, and announced that the two will face off for the gold on next week's broadcast. Swagger is still unbeaten in singles competition since debuting on Sept. 9 of last year, while Matt Hardy is currently WWE's longest reigning "world"-level champion, having held the ECW Championship for an impressive four months (and counting) to date.

In the second match of the evening, dancing diva Alicia Fox made her in-ring debut when she came up short in a losing effort against Katie Lea Burchill, also making her in-ring debut for the ECW brand. According to the in-match commentary, it appears that both Katie Lea and her onscreen brother Paul Burchill are now full-time competitors on the ECW roster.

Elsewhere on the show, The Boogeyman squashed local talent Bret Barnes to continue his winning ways. Despite having one of the most impressive win/loss records on the WWE roster, The Boogeyman's in-ring abilities are still tremendously limited, to the point where he remains nowhere near a meaningful longterm feud. Though he has made a number of backstage appearances and in-ring cameos during live shows and PPV broadcasts over the past four months, The Boogeyman hasn't been involved in an extended one-on-one program since returning from injury late last year.

In the main event of the night, ECW Champion Matt Hardy scored a clean pinfall victory over Mark Henry to close out the show. Hardy and Henry have been feuding for seven months' time, but this decisive win might signal the end of the program as the ECW Champion now must focus on his title defense next week against Jack Swagger.


And With That, I'm Outta' Here

That'll do it for Mee this week. Thanks again for reading, and here's hoping y'all dug the new format. As usual, comments and feedback are welcome in the handy dandy boxes below! 'Till next week, enjoy the weekend and the playoffs, good luck for those of y'all just getting back into the swing of the spring semester, and always stay positive.

- Meehan

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : [phone]-SAFE.