411Mania Saturday Morning's Main Event! 01.24.09

Posted by Steve Cook on 01.24.2009

People say I am ruthless. I am not ruthless. And if I find the man who is calling me ruthless, I shall destroy him.

Good morning everybody, and welcome to 411Mania Saturday Morning's Main Event! I'm Steve Cook, and we are rumbling into an exciting weekend! Well, hopefully it'll be more exciting than my Friday night, which was spent in front of a computer instead of at the bar wooing the ladies as only I can. What can I say...I work best under pressure.

OK, I only work under pressure. What about it?

Today in addition to your regularly scheduled news there are thoughts from me about The Wrestler. I'm sure some of you are sick of hearing about it, but that's too bad because I gotta fill column space somehow.

News!

What was the top story this week? From where I sit, it has to be the fact that nobody was fired by WWE this week. Woohoo! At least, nobody that I know of...

Believe it or not, one of the main news items this week is that there's a PPV going on this weekend. I know, usually we eschew the PPV talk in favor of dirt mongering and chatty Kathy gossip. But WWE's actually put together a decent looking card for the 2009 Royal Rumble and it just might give people something to talk about next week. Here's the card:

* WWE Women's Title Match: Beth Phoenix © vs. Melina
* ECW Title Match: Jack Swagger © vs. Matt Hardy
* WWE Title Match: Jeff Hardy © vs. Edge
* World Title Match: John Cena © vs. JBL
* The Royal Rumble Match: Known Participants: HHH, The Big Show, Vladimir Kozlov, Shelton Benjamin, The Undertaker, Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, The Miz, John Morrison, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Kane, Santino Marella, R-Truth, THE Brian Kendrick, Carlito, CM Punk, Finlay, Mark Henry, Chris Jericho

Every match on the show so far has an actual reason to be on it, which is a rarity these days. Maybe I'm just really high on it because of Randy Orton punting Vince McMahon on Monday, but it looks like a good show.

Word has come out this week that former WWE referee Mickey Jay Henson is suffering from lymphoma, and that was the reason he was off of television the past few months. So that decision by WWE to fire him looks about fifty times worse now, at least from the eyes of this humble correspondent.

As for the firings, the speculation is that they came about mainly because Vince McMahon believes the economy is going to get even worse this year because of the election of Barack Obama. No wonder he gave John McCain the best prepared speech to read on Raw. McMahon has been telling people that unemployment will hit 10% in the United States this year, which might be possible if he keeps firing people at the rate he has been.

I like to poke fun at Vince, but others prefer to praise him. And not just so they can keep their jobs...ratings for this week's Raw were up quite a bit from their usual number, and considering Vince was the main thing hyped for that Raw...well, one presumes that he might have had something to do with it. I would talk about how this proves the lack of taste of the American television viewing public, but I think the popularity of American Idol already proved that.

Evan Bourne is expected to be cleared to return to in-ring competition in late February. By then Mike Knox's beard will probably be taller than Evan Bourne.

Morale has improved in Total Nonstop Action Wrestling due to the European tour. The European crowds have treated the wrestlers like superstars, and they're expecting their biggest crowd ever (8,000 or so) in London this weekend. A reader commented last week that when Dixie Carter was talking about being competitive with WWE, she didn't mean in America, but in Europe. Perhaps they were correct. Maybe TNA can become the Jerry Lewis of pro wrestling. And I hope you all aren't too young to get that reference. A TNA PPV in the UK has been discussed and may be announced before the end of the tour if they can work out the logistics.

Awesome Kong is suffering from a bad back and likely needs knee surgery. That's what 282 pounds does to you, ladies and gentlemen.

Ring of Honor management has been considering bringing in more veteran talent to their shows, including some people recently released by WWE. I can hear the message boarders screaming for Val Venis right now...and screaming not to bring in Bob Holly. My apologies to the nice Bob Holly fan that commented on last week's column.

The ROH/HDNet deal is having details hammered out, perhaps there will be more news on that front next week. Or perhaps not. I can tell you that ROH is taping a PPV on January 31, which will be entitled "Caged Collision". You mean to tell me that Dusty Rhodes never used that name for a show? It seems right up his alley.

From the "only in indy wrestling" file...the first episode of the NWA's Pro Wrestling Showcase has been delayed one week because...well, let's rip it right from the press release:

"The NWA and Big Vision delivered the first four new episodes to the network this week, only for the network to realize they couldn't air the episodes as they were produced in High Definition. The network had chosen to receive the episodes in HD but realized upon receipt of them that they wouldn't be able to de-convert the first episode to their standard broadcasting levels in time for the planned debut. The NWA learned yesterday of the delay."

And people wondered why I was making fun of their "network deal" when it happened. Listen, I'm as big a fan of the indy wrestling as anybody else on this website, but those who still hang on a little shred of hope for the NWA to restake its claim as the top wrestling promotion in North America (or even to jump over TNA) really need to reconsider things. It doesn't help that their show airs on "Channel 9074".

There was some news on Hulk Hogan's divorce proceedings this week. You won't be seeing it here because I couldn't give a flying frog's ass about Hulk Hogan's divorce proceedings. I'm sure Perez Small will have all the latest news in his column on Tuesday.

However, I will mention that yesterday was the 25th anniversary of Hulk Hogan winning the WWF title for the first time. Where were you when the Hulkster legdropped the evil Iron Sheik into a life of drug addiction and random stupidity? I was in my mother's womb, about four months away from popping out. But even there I could feel the power of Hulkamania...brother.

Speaking of people in Hulkamania's inner circle, Bubba the Love Sponge interviewed Ric Flair on Thursday. Flair said that he hadn't been asked to induct Steve Austin into the WWE Hall of Fame, but would love to do it. So either somebody fed somebody a line of B.S. on this Austin/Flair HOF stuff, or Flair's working. Either theory seems pretty plausible to me.

Finally, former WWE announcer & current ESPN News anchor Jonathan Coachman said in an interview this week that he enjoyed his time with WWE, but has no interest in going back. The wording on the 411 newsbite amused me a bit...

"Coachman discusses his time with WWE, that he hated the travel, as well as his recent marriage."

Apparently he hated his recent marriage. The ceremony must not have been to his liking. Surprisingly he didn't invite me...hey, the Penguin will tell you how tight me and Coach are.

The Wrestler!

I have done the best that I can to keep spoilers out of this recap because I'd like you all to go see the movie. If you're ultra-paranoid about such things, go ahead and skip this portion of the column.

I was excited to hear that the critically-acclaimed movie was finally in the Cincinnati area starting last Friday. I don't usually go to movies, but I felt a certain obligation to check this one out...it was either for the wrestling aspect or the Marissa Tomei aspect. I'm not sure which, but in any event I found myself at the Esquire Theater in Cincinnati this past Monday after work. It was a pretty good crowd for a Monday afternoon showing...like I said before, I don't usually go to movies but if I had to guess, Monday afternoons wouldn't exactly be a popular time to see a movie. I was lucky enough to make it in time, but unfortunately I skipped out on the expensive drinks and popcorn because the line was a little too long to assure myself of not missing anything.

After some uninteresting previews, the movie started. And I must say that all of the hype surrounding this movie was well-deserved. Mickey Rourke was great in his role as Randy "The Ram" Robinson, though one has to wonder exactly how much "acting" he was doing. Regardless of that, he was perfect in the role, and it was creepy how much he looked like Jerry Lynn. No wonder ROH is trying to push Lynn based on this movie. The other Oscar nomination went to Marissa Tomei, who was brilliant in her role as a veteran stripper with a heart of gold. The scenes with Randy & Cassidy/Pam were quite tremendous and really tugged at the old heartstrings. You know, when you think about it wrestling and stripping are very similar professions. Randy & Cassidy both hide their real selves to the world outside in order to sell themselves as what people want. And seeing Tomei's naked upper body is never a bad thing.

The scenes with Randy's daughter (played by Evan Rachel Wood) were good, and she was great in the role, but the one problem I had with them was that the storyline there was so predictable, at least to me. When Randy promises Stephanie that he'll be a better father, you know that something's going to go wrong. And you can't really feel any sympathy for Randy when Stephanie berates him, because he deserves it.

It's the story of too many wrestling lives. And I guess what's sadder than that is that a lot of them don't even make it to Randy's age. One wrestler in the movie died just last week. Speaking of wrestlers in the movie, the one that stood head and shoulders above the rest was Necro Butcher, who played an integral role in a turning point of the movie. I have always put Necro over as being awesome, and hopefully his role in this movie will be a boon for his career.

WWE aired a feature on this movie on Smackdown Friday night, which is quite the reversal on their original position (Vince didn't like it). I don't think this movie will lead to a wrestling boom, mostly because non-wrestling fans who watch it will walk away thinking "wow, that's a fucked up profession". But another thing they'll say is "that was a really good movie". Which it was. The only flaw with it was that it was a little too predictable at some parts and if you're one of those people who doesn't like depressing movies, you probably won't like it.

And if you're one of those people who never want to hear anything bad relating to pro wrestling...well you'll hate it. But the movie does have a great story, great acting and a lot of good wrestling-related stuff. So if you are able to see it, I highly recommend that you do.

Feedback!

A Brace For Impact!

Cook: CROSS THE LINE
Lansdell:You know, I'm starting to wonder why I complain about this show. It's actually getting better
Cook: Maybe you just like to complain. I know I do"

It would be nice if you were not negative before the show even starts. Why noe be excited going into the show expecting something to be good and enjoyable? This column sucks.

Posted By: Mark (Guest) on January 16, 2009 at 07:31 PM

For my part, I was talking about liking to complain in general, not about what I was about to watch. But to answer your question with a question, would you be excited going to a prostate exam and expect it to be good and enjoyable? OK, so Impact isn't nearly as bad as a prostate exam (most weeks), but the point is that you are allowed to pre-judge something in a negative manner if you've become accustomed to seeing negative things.

Wilde isn't phony or plastic.
I don't think her boobs are fake.
You would not know as you've never touched a Boob.

Posted By: mmmm BOOBS (Guest) on January 17, 2009 at 09:28 AM

I know several women who would be shocked by that developing story. In any event, I don't know how I keep getting sucked into these debates with readers over the physical appearance of TNA's Knockouts. I do know that TNA should be disappointed that the only thing their viewers seem interested in talking about pertaining to the Knockouts is their physical appearance, since that was originally not supposed to be the point of the Knockout division. Remember, they were supposed to be about more than just looks, which was their criticism of WWE's Diva division.

Last week's Main Event!

"Steve, you all will win the Big East for all the reasons you mentioned, but you forgot one. Pitino's mob ties. :-)

Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest) on January 17, 2009 at 11:40 AM

There is no such thing as a "mob". I have no idea what you are talking about. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go speak with my accountant.

I can't believe you didn't put Miss Elizabeth in your top 10

Posted By: William (Guest) on January 17, 2009 at 06:24 PM

Elizabeth was a great character, but as far as a manager goes...well, she wasn't a great promo and nobody ever claimed she was the mastermind behind Savage's ring strategies. The main extent of her interference during most of her career was distracting opponents or having Savage push her in the way of his opponent. That's why I wouldn't put her in the top 10.

I think the fawning for you over Victoria ended approximately the same time that Traci Brooks fantasies erupted.

Jimmy Hart is the greatest manager ever! Heenan is very good as well. The Gun hath spoken on this subject again. Don't make me pull my own manager columns out as evidence.

Indianapolis might be one of the most overlooked cities in the USA. Great town, easy to get around and lots to do for all ages. I can't decide if I want to catch my first ROH in person or not. Dare I get this for my 16-year old b'day?

I am hoping that The Wildcat can regain some of that drive and feature ability he had in the early days of TNA. I just didn't see a lot of motivation in the E. Maybe he was fooled into thinking that he would be 1 month booking credit for every year he had slaved in high level indies. Then he would have been equal to Bob Holly upon entry...

oops

Posted By: thegunisgood (Guest) on January 18, 2009 at 02:55 AM

Did you save your manager columns or was all your TWTF stuff lost forever due to Takerfan's Internet terrorist obsession too? I would be more bothered by it if I wasn't embarassed by my early material. I think a trip to Indy to see some ROH would be a fantastic birthday present for the kid...I don't know where you're living these days, but Chicago Ridge usually gets ROH's best effort while places like Dayton get the scraps. Dunno where Indy will fit into the mix. We're probably going to wait until they have a nice 25-30% sale on the website before getting tickets...and figure out where this new booking regime's taking things.

Going from a nothing company that about 1000 people cared about to wrestling in WWE =/= career "lowering in value"

Posted By: Guest#4867 (Guest) on January 18, 2009 at 07:04 AM

To answer your point that WWE > everything...having one of the most compelling feuds of all time with Raven > eating your own vomit on live television.

The Big East tourney is held in MSG every year, so there will be no scheduling conflict re: Louisville.

Posted By: =M= (Guest) on January 18, 2009 at 10:51 PM

Scratch that, I read it wrong. Not like Louisville's going to make it to the finals anyway. Go 'Cuse!

Posted By: =M= (Guest) on January 18, 2009 at 10:54 PM

Good luck on Sunday, =M=...your Orange are gonna need it. I kid, I kid. Syracuse is a very good team and especially dangerous in the Carrier Dome, I wouldn't be surprised at all if they pulled one out. I am very high on my Cards right now, but we're all taking things one game at a time.

From Fact or Fiction!

As always, Steve Cook is the man! Jeff Clarke ... not so much!

Posted By: hombre (Guest) on January 22, 2009 at 01:42 AM

This is enough for me to declare victory. I remain undefeated in Fact or Fiction...who's next?

Jumping the gun a bit on the Jeff Hardy titl run? He's had the belt for 3 weeks and we are already calling it a disappointment. I guess this is what we get with the "FAIL" trend that all of the internet dorks are jumping on as well. I just thought the mindset wouldn't translate to the 411 writers. But I guess that's asking for twoo much.

Posted By: Guest#2945 (Guest) on January 22, 2009 at 01:59 AM

Normally I would agree with you. But do you really think that Hardy's title reign is going to last very long? I'd be surprised if it lasted past the Rumble, and I'd be downright stupified if it lasted past No Way Out. It's going to be a short reign, therefore we are allowed to judge it within weeks. Also, I should point out that Hardy has actually held the belt for five weeks, not three.

Cook, I agree with all of those except the Victoria one because the promo was not televised, it was mentioned once or twice during the usual C- SD commentary.

Posted By: L I A M (Guest) on January 22, 2009 at 02:38 AM

In my response I was talking about the one she & McCool did on the telecast. I can understand the disappointment in regards to WWE not airing Victoria's farewell to the fans on Smackdown, but they probably put it on the .com due to two factors...time constraints and giving people a reason to visit the website. So I understand why they went in that direction.

I think the yakuza would be upset if the mafia dared to come to take their turf.

Posted By: icon zeke (Guest) on January 22, 2009 at 09:33 AM

OK, not only is there no mob, or no mafia, there's no yakuza either. You all have very active imaginations.

"Jeff Hardy's Title run has been a disappointment thus far."

Some of you need to note that Jeff's REIGN is being criticized, not him. And since they won't even let him past the stage, what can he do? The only way this could get worse is if the rumors are true and Matt turns on him, something NO ONE wants to see.

If Mick is so worried about letting fans down he should keep his word and stay retired. Almost eight years ago he assured us he wouldn't do this. Knowing Terry Funk so well you'd think he would learn and stick to promos and writing books.

Victoria was treated the same way she has been treated for years. In that sense it was fitting because it underscores why she left and that we should celebrate her liberation from jobber status. I miss her already but will NEVER long to see her in a WWE ring again. She and Molly were both HOT whether Vince and Hef saw it or not.

Posted By: Shockmaster (Guest) on January 22, 2009 at 02:38 PM

I agree with everything this man said.

"As always, Steve Cook is the man! Jeff Clarke ... not so much!"

no male adult who admits that he keeps a stuffed Million Dollar Man doll on his bed and then publically wonders why he can't get a girlfriend isn't a man.

the boy, Cook, knows his stuff to be sure, but he ain't a man.

Posted By: Guest#2946 (Guest) on January 22, 2009 at 06:59 PM

For the record, the doll's been on the floor for quite some time now...you think I have the time to make my bed every morning? Pfft. I'll also point out that the lack of girlfriend issue stopped bothering me since whenever I wrote that. Who am I to limit myself to just one woman? That would be unfair to the female gender and I just can't bring myself to do it.

Plugs!

Damian Braun has been grading previous Royal Rumbles. So if you're looking for some pre-Rumble reading material, I think he's got you covered there.

OK...let me get this straight...we're going to disqualify Sforcina from doing Ask 411 because he's Australian? I've heard some dumb things on these here Internets, but that ranks among the dumbest I've heard. Y'all should avoid trying to piss him off...he's like 6'9 and 350 pounds if I remember correctly. Probably the toughest Ask 411 Wrestling columnist we've had, though I think Lansdell told me he did some wrestling awhile back too. I would classify myself as the weakest...if Scott Keith hadn't written the column for a few weeks.

Domingo spent five nights in Chyna. Poor bastard.

Buy And Sell did not include your humble correspondent...I hope it wasn't due to e-mail difficulties, because I changed my e-mail address awhile back and didn't inform everybody. I think this website still lists my old addy, but it doesn't matter because everybody just comments anyway. If you'd like a more personal interaction, holla at [e-mail]

This week's top 5 generated some interesting feedback. See, I got shit for like a year because I refused to mention Chris Benoit's name in Ask 411 Wrestling. Now that the rest of the staff is glorifying him, they're getting shit. Eh, what can ya do. Me, I don't do a Top 5 list because that would take away from my precious drinking time.

Well, that's all we have time for today! Until next time, Mahalo.