411’s Instant Access 01.25.09: WWE Royal Rumble 2009

Posted by Scott Slimmer on 01.25.2009

New WWE Champion? Check. Swerve of the Year? Check. Best… Random… Rumble… Cameo… EVER? Check.

Hey kids, I'm Scott, and this is 411's Instant Access: WWE Royal Rumble 2009. Instant Access is a new(ish) experiment here at 411 Wrestling that will feature immediate reaction to wrestling pay-per-views. The focus here is going to be on first thoughts and snap judgments instead of play-by-play with the goal of providing you with instant access to one TWO writers' thoughts on the show. That's right, Instant Access will now feature multiple analysts for all WWE pay-per-views. Here's the team for the Royal Rumble:

• Scott Slimmer, author of Don't Think Twice. Slimmer is currently wearing the old Captain Charisma t-shirt that he found in the back of his closet, just in case a certain someone makes an appearance at the Rumble…
• Jeff Small, author of the Tuesday Small-For-All News Report. Small is currently looking for the stash that he hid in the back of his closet, just in case a different certain someone makes an appearance at the Rumble…


Okay kids, enough with the explanations. Let's get to the wrestling.

ECW Championship Match
Jack Swagger (Champion) vs. Matt Hardy
Match Result: Jack Swagger defeats Matt Hardy with the falling gutwrench powerbomb.
Match Length: 10:27
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: This was really the only possible match that could open the show, and Swagger and Hardy definitely put on a solid match. There was nothing spectacular or overly flashy, but that's still a vast improvement over some of the nonsensical booking and plodding matches that have surrounded the ECW Championship in the last few years. Swagger continues to improve with every match, and a high profile win over Matt Hardy at a big pay-per-view like the Royal Rumble definitely adds to his credibility. Swagger is as good a choice as any to carry the ECW Championship down the Road to WrestleMania, and given the current lack of formidable faces in ECW, I'd wager that we may be seeing Finlay reenter the ECW Championship scene. As for Matt Hardy, losing the ECW Championship and failing to regain it in this match is only the next step in the progression of his career. Matt has become increasingly involved in the conflict between his brother and Edge, and you would have to expect Matt to be more than willing to even the odds if Edge were to somehow gain an unexpected ally in the near future… (Editor's Note: As we all found out about an hour later, that may not necessarily be the case.)
Small: (Editor's Note: Small said that he had stream issues during this match. I think Flomax might help.)
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***
Small: N/A
Average Match Rating: ***

Women's Championship Match
Beth Phoenix (Champion) vs. Melina
Match Result: Melina defeats Beth Phoenix with a body scissors into a sunset flip.
Match Length: 5:57
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Beth Phoenix is the most dominant woman in WWE today, and one of the main reasons is that she can flat out go in the ring. Melina may not be as physically intimidating as Beth, but as she proved in this match, she can do things with her body that we've NEVER seen from ANYONE in WWE. The combination of Beth's skill and Melina's… um… bendiness, for lack of a better term, made this just about as good a match as you can cram into six minutes. I'd be more than happy to see Melina get a rematch, and I'd also love to see Mickie James return to the Women's Championship scene. Unfortunately, the Women's Division's Road to WrestleMania has been dominated by Playboy nonsense in recent years, and nothing good can happen when the title belt is subjugated to some cheap t & a.
Small: Good women's match. It told a good story from Beth using her power to take an early advantage to Melina using her speed to win the title. With Melina's win, it looks as if Glamerella might be nearing an end as Beth DID need Rosa Mendez in this match. Expect Sanrosa to sweep the nation over the next few weeks. Oh and I'd be remiss if I did not mention how awesome it was when Beth used Melina's own leg against Melina.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **½
Small: **
Average Match Rating: **¼

World Heavyweight Championship Match
John Cena (Champion) vs. John "Bradshaw" Layfield w. Shawn Michaels
Match Result: John Cena defeats John "Bradshaw" Layfield with the FU.
Match Length: 15:29
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: There are really two factors to consider when rating this match. The first is that the match itself was passable, which is certainly not a given any time JBL is in the ring. Based solely on in-ring action, I probably would have given this match somewhere between ** and **½. But what made this match special and what made it memorable was the booking and the involvement of Shawn Michaels. Yes, overbooking is usually a mistake. Yes, outside interference usually ruins the flow of a match and diminishes its overall quality. But in some rare cases (coughraven&stevievsthepitbullscough), overbooking and outside interference can tell a story that could not be told in any other way. The build to this match focused just as much on Shawn Michaels as it did on John Cena or JBL, so it was only fitting that Michaels should play such a critical role in the finish. Michaels theoretically did his job, but I'm guessing that JBL isn't going to be all that pleased with the final outcome. Let's just hope that the issues between HBK and JBL don't stretch all the way to WrestleMania, because there are much better ways for Mr. WrestleMania to be used at the Grandaddy of ‘em All than to make him try to carry JBL to a passable match.
Small: This is another case of when a wrestling match can not be evaluated for just the actual wrestling but also for the surrounding angle. Up until the ref bump, the match was nothing special; in fact, it was pretty pedestrian (which doesn't surprise me considering the participants). After the ref bump, the entire HBK angle was fantastic as he not only swerved us by taking out JBL, but also layed out John Cena. While Michaels still tried to help JBL win the match, it didn't matter as the damage between JBL and HBK's business relationship was done and also Cena still won. Now the WWE can blowoff HBK and JBL at No Way Out before moving to the better HBK/Undertaker Wrestlemania match that was hinted tonight.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***½
Small: ***
Average Match Rating: ***¼

WWE Championship Match
Jeff Hardy (Champion) vs. Edge
Match Result: Edge defeats Jeff Hardy after a chair shot from… Matt Hardy.
Match Length: 19:19
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I thought that one competitor's brother might get involved in this match. When Vickie announced that the match was a No Disqualification Match, I was almost certain that once competitor's brother would interfere in the match. And I knew that interference would cost Jeff Hardy the WWE Championship. That's exactly what happened… but I was still TOTALLY shocked when it did. Because it wasn't Captain Charisma that made an appearance. It was Matt Hardy. And with one chair shot, Matt instantly became more interesting than he's been at any point in his career, including the time that his love life set the IWC on fire. But this… this is freaking INSANE. Matt Hardy has just become the most hated man in the WWE Universe and will surely incur the terrible wrath of every fat lonely emo chick on the planet. And as was the case with the World Heavyweight Championship Match, it was the booking in this match that turned it from a good match into a great match. The bottom line is that this probably means we'll be seeing Hardy vs. Hardy at WrestleMania, but will it be a simple one-on-one match? Will there be a stipulation? Will there be other competitors? And could we see Edge vs. Hardy vs. Hardy (vs. yet another long lost sibling?) for the WWE Championship?
Small: Another title match, another screwy finish. While I should complain that both title matches ended in interference, I won't as the interference was necessary to continue the Jeff Hardy: Attacked storyline. Plus with the Rumble being tonight's true main event, we shall let it slide. Unlike JBL/Cena, the wrestling before the angle was pretty good with a couple memorable spots (Jeff botching a splash off the ladder will be remembered for all the wrong reasons) and some nice hatred coming from Jeff Hardy. As for the angle, it made more sense for Matt Hardy to turn on his brother than Christian. Jealousy between brothers is an easy storyline and here's hoping that the WWE can keep the feud fresh until Wrestlemania.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ****
Small: ***½
Average Match Rating: ***¾

The Royal Rumble Match
Match Result: Randy Orton wins the Royal Rumble.
Match Length: 58:40
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Randy Orton gathered an army, punted the Boss, eliminated the King of Kings, and now has a date with destiny at WrestleMania 25. Oh, and he now seemingly has the power to set off fireworks just by pointing his finger. Maybe he's been working with Matt Hardy… but I digress. The Royal Rumble matches have been pretty darn good in the last few years, and this year's edition was no exception. However, the one complaint I have is that it almost felt as if the early portions of the match were more exciting and more important than the closing moments of the match. Most of the big names showed up in the first half of the match, and the only really standout entrant in the 20's was… well… insert your own joke here:

There were way too many competitors in the ring when #30 rolled around, and things did get a bit bogged down as we worked our way to the Final Four. However, I enjoyed the Triple H vs. Legacy showdown as Triple H came face to face with the dark, twisted version of Evolution that Randy Orton has assembled. From there is was just a matter of time until the numbers caught up with Triple H, and now Randy Orton is set to headline WrestleMania. You know, unless he gets fired tomorrow night.
Small: This is a tough Rumble for me to rate. While I was never bored watching the hour match, it sadly was only an average Rumble. The decision to have almost the entire roster survive the majority of the match was unique but unfortunately led to its downfall (much of the same until #30 came out). You could easily sum up the match as "Superstar enters. They hit three or four signature moves. They are beaten down but escape elimination. Rinse and repeat." Even monsters like Taker, Henry, and Kane were not impressive until the final minutes of the match. The first half of the match started well with a fun MVP appearance and Kozlov looking like a monster (the only superstar that looked dominant) but couldn't keep its pace as the bodies entered the ring. Once we got to Kofi Kingston at #22, there was no room for anyone which made the latter superstars irrelevant (outside of RVD and the Big Show). While this strategy lead to a chaotic final ten minutes, it couldn't redeem the entire hour. Favorite spots: Rey skipping over Miz and Morrison to avoid elimination, anything Shelton Benjamin did, and of course, the Big Show surviving elimination. Oh and RVD returned too.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***½
Small: **½
Average Match Rating: ***

Final Thoughts

Match of the Night:
Slimmer: Jeff Hardy vs. Edge (****)
The No Disqualification stipulation allowed this match to flirt with greatness based solely on the action, but what really made it memorable was the SHOCKING Matt Hardy heel turn. We've always wondered what it would take to make Matt Hardy a bit more compelling and a bit more credible as a true main eventer, and I think we just found out. If Matt is able to capitalize on this momentum, and if this really is the beginning of his time at the top of the card, then his chair shot in this match may one day be remembered as one of the most important heel turns in history.
Small: Jeff Hardy vs. Edge (***½)
The No DQ stipulation helped this match and I'm glad to see these guys get twenty minutes. The Matt Hardy SWERVE was well done and I hope the WWE can keep these two away from each other until Wrestlemania. That and I hope Jeff Hardy does not attempt to do another splash from the top of a ladder ever again.

Trash of the Night:
Slimmer: NONE
There wasn't a single match on this card that I would even remotely consider calling "trash." The ECW and Women's Championship Matches were as good as expected, and the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship Matches used stellar booking to tell great stories. The Royal Rumble Match didn't disappoint, and that makes this a totally trash-free show.
Small: My Streams
While I expect the Royal Rumble to have a larger interest than most of the B-shows, boy did my streams suffer because of it. I missed the majority of the opening match and actually had to try three different streams to make it through the Rumble. C'mon internet, get your act together. I needed to see RVD! (Editor's Note: Dude, seriously, Flomax. Look into it.)

Final Analysis:
Slimmer: Holy crap, this was a great show. There were four title matches and the Royal Rumble match, and that meant nothing felt like useless filler. The booking was compelling rather than infuriating, and there were at least two really fun surprises (one of which may not have been quite as fun if you're Jeff Hardy). The other really interesting aspect of this show was that it felt very cohesive and interconnected. The ECW Championship Match lead directly to the finish of the WWE Championship Match, and the World Heavyweight Championship Match had implications for the Royal Rumble Match (even though HBK never did make an appearance in the Rumble). In many ways, this entire pay-per-view told one large, complex story, and in the process it really jump started the Road to WrestleMania. This is one of the very best WWE pay-per-views in recent memory and will certainly be a contender for Pay-Per-View of the Year.
Small: This might be the first year that the under-card actually saved the PPV. While the Rumble was not bad, it was painfully average which brings down my final rating. With a better Rumble, we'd be looking at a classic show. With that said, I'd still recommend it for the two angles that commenced in the title matches plus for the one night only return of 411's favorite.

Verdict:
Slimmer: ****
Small: ***½
Average Verdict: ***¾