The Wrestling News Experience: 01.26.09

Posted by Stephen Randle on 01.26.2009

Another exciting Rumble is in the books, and only I have the best results and opinions of the event. Plus, a preview of what might be Randy Orton's last Raw (I can hope), WWE mends bridges with Mickey Rourke, new PPV strategies from both companies, and the dumbest running joke in 411 history actually makes it onto a WWE PPV. I hope you're all proud.

Monday, January 26th, 2009

From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!



Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, fresh off the heel turn that shocked the world. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you obviously haven't checked out the very first 411Mania Staff Rumble, and shame on you for that.

Your WWE 24/7 recommendation for the week is: The 1996 King of the Ring PPV, featuring the debut of "Austin 3:16", the best-selling wrestling slogan of all time, and also a decent Shawn Michaels vs The British Bulldog match and the entertaining guest commentary of Owen Hart. It'll remind you of the glory days when even the undercard matches on a PPV went at least fifteen minutes.

Moving on.

PPV In Review - WWE Royal Rumble 2009

Lansdell has the live coverage and Slimmer has Instant Access. And even before you say it, yes, I watched it.

Jack Swagger defeated Matt Hardy to retain the ECW Championship (pinfall, gutwrench powerbomb)

Hey, psychology! I feel pretty safe in declaring Swagger as the real deal and award him that coveted tag of "the future of wrestling", so he'll probably be hated by the entire Internet by sometime next summer once WWE overpushes him. It'll be interesting to see how he manages on top of ECW without Hardy's veteran hand to help him. But I suspect they'll keep protecting him by working with even more old hands like Tommy Dreamer (who still has that declaration that he'll win the title by June) and Finlay. And maybe even that other guy…what was his name…it'll come to me.

Melina defeated Beth Phoenix to win the Women's Championship (pinfall, rollup)

Well, I didn't see that coming. Any chance the fact that Santino was only a foot away from the pin and did nothing might come into play?

John Cena defeated JBL to retain the World Heavyweight Championship (pinfall, The Move Formerly Known As The FU)

So, you have to go through hell to get into heaven? What does that even mean? Was The Undertaker telling Shawn to go through the hell of JBL for the heaven of lifelong financial security, or the hell of poverty for the heaven of being a good person? Because after all, he's a dark and evil presence himself, he might be lobbying for the money.

Edge defeated Jeff Hardy in a No DQ match to win the WWE Championship (pinfall, interference of a brotherly nature)

You can check the Roundtable, I used those exact words. In no way did I say that Christian would be the brother in question. And really, before we got sidetracked by the rumour mill, Matt turning on Jeff was the expected eventual result anyway. Frankly, if I'd worked really hard and kept my nose clean for ten years, only to see my brother screw up massively multiple times and get rewarded with a main event slot on Smackdown while I'm stuck pretending I enjoy being the King of Velocity 2K8, I'd snap and beat him down with a chair too.

The Royal Rumble Match

Order of Entry

1. Rey Mysterio
2. John Morrison
3. Carlito
4. MVP
5. The Great Khali
6. Vladimir Kozlov
7. Triple H
8. Randy Orton
9. JTG
10. Ted DiBiase
11. Chris Jericho
12. Mike Knox
13. The Miz
14. Finlay
15. Cody Rhodes
16. The Undertaker
17. Goldust
18. CM Punk
19. Mark Henry
20. Shelton Benjamin
21. William Regal
22. Kofi Kingston
23. Kane
24. R-Truth
25. ROB VAN DAM
26. THE Brian Kendrick
27. Dolph Ziggler
28. Santino Marella
29. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
30. The Big Show

Order of Elimination

1. The Great Khali (by Vladimir Kozlov)
2. MVP (by Vladimir Kozlov)
3. Carlito (by Vladimir Kozlov)
4. Vladimir Kozlov (by Triple H)
5. The Miz (by Triple H)
6. John Morrison (by Triple H)
7. JTG (by The Undertaker)
8. Goldust (by Cody Rhodes)
9. Mark Henry (by Rey Mysterio)
10. Shelton Benjamin (by The Undertaker)
11. William Regal (by CM Punk)
12. Kofi Kingston (by THE Brian Kendrick)
13. THE Brian Kendrick (by Triple H)
14. Dolph Ziggler (by Kane)
15. Santino Marella (by Kane)
16. Hacksaw Jim Duggan (by The Big Show)
17. R-Truth (by The Big Show)
18. CM Punk (by The Big Show)
19. Mike Knox (by Rey Mysterio)
20. Rey Mysterio (by own momentum)
21. Finlay (by Kane)
22. RVD (by Chris Jericho)
23. Chris Jericho (by The Undertaker)
24. Kane (by Legacy)
25. The Big Show (by Randy Orton)
26. The Undertaker (by The Big Show's interference)
27. Ted DiBiase (by Triple H)
28. Cody Rhodes (by Triple H)
29. Triple H (by Randy Orton)

2009 Royal Rumble Winner: Randy Orton

Quick Hits:

- Triple H really manned up and let everyone hit him with their big moves, which was nice of him. Of course, when you're the only person who can possibly stand up and almost defeat Legacy, I guess we'll be nice and call him even for the night.

- By my count, there are at least 3 wrestlers in WWE who cause everyone in the ring to pause and prepare for their entrance: The Great Khali, The Undertaker, and The Big Show.

- Santino did indeed set the new futility record, due to the speed at which he entered and exited, amounted to around one and a half seconds, which will probably come down to 1 second when they promote it.

- I liked all the near-elimination teases, which is appropriate given the high level of athleticism among the younger wrestlers. Of course, then The Big Show has to break out an elimination tease and I don't know what's real any more.

- The match did slow down about halfway through as the ring began to fill, a couple of eliminations (Knox-Mysterio comes to mind) could have happened earlier in the match where they could have been better spotlighted.

- Man, Benjamin is really losing that feud with Undertaker

- The full thoughts and ranking will be delivered, exclusively on 411, in the return of From The Anthology, next week in The Wrestling News Experience!

Overall, I always over-rank Rumbles due to my excessive bias, but the combination of a good Rumble and four really decent title matches, as opposed to the "lame duck challenger" matches of recent years past, and a couple of big angle moments to set up eventual WrestleMania matches, makes this a solid recommendation.

For the official word, we turn to The Wrestling News Experience Official Ratings Correspondent, Buddy The Family Cat. Buddy?


Buddy Is Satisfied

What's On Tap - WWE Raw for January 26th

Last night at the Royal Rumble, Randy Orton and his Legacy teammates managed to secure Orton a guaranteed title match at WrestleMania 25. But guaranteed main event spot or not, will Orton survive the possibility of legal action by the McMahon family following his kick to the head of Mr. McMahon as Raw went off the air last week? Or is there a larger plan at work that only people fond of conspiracy theories in wrestling (really, the one place where such people are considered relatively sane) could possibly predict?

And John Cena retained his World title last night, which won't make JBL pleased with his employee, Shawn Michaels. While Shawn might have gotten away with his Superkick on JBL had it resulted in a title win, one has to imagine that the New York millionaire will be less happy with the actual result.

Plus, we know that the World title will be defended in an Elimination Chamber at No Way Out, but who will the competitors involved be? Perhaps we'll find out more tonight on Raw.

Around The Horn

In a startling reversal (well, not really, now that it won major awards), WWE is now promoting the hell out of The Wrestler, including a TV spot on last week's Smackdown, and the possibility that Mickey Rourke might be involved in WrestleMania in some way. Apparently Rourke suggested during a recent interview that he might be headed for Houston for the big event, and specifically called out Chris Jericho. Frankly, given how the Academy continues to snub movies that people actually watched for the big awards, including both The Wrestler and The Dark Knight, I'd suggest that a well-booked WrestleMania, especially the 25th one, might be watched by more people than this year's Oscars.

I'll pause while all the people who actually care enough to search TV ratings and compare them to WWE's buyrates scramble to prove me wrong. I know it's not true, it was clearly an exaggeration for comic effect. Jerks.

Allegedly, TNA has decided to focus their PPV booking strategy around four "big" shows every year, with the rest as "minor" PPVs. This, supposedly, explains why Team 3D vs Kurt Angle and Sting is the current main event for Against All Odds. Well, it's nice to see that they've decided to pre-explain why nobody bought a TNA PPV. See, it's not because nobody wants to see a Team 3D main event while AJ Styles and Samoa Joe aren't even on the show, it's because it's not a "big" show. Good one.

As I mentioned in my Roundtable predictions, WWE did indeed change the Rumble booking, which was originally set to focus on Triple H being forced to enter at #1, instead choosing Randy Orton's alliance with Rhodes and Dibiase as the main story of the match. Which, really, was the better choice, since Orton's attack on Vince instantly made him the hotter property, and it's not like we needed another edition of the "Triple H Rumble". After all, we already know he'll end up with the title shot at WrestleMania anyway.

The Greatest Band in the History of the World, AC/DC, will be performing the theme for WrestleMania 25 live at the show. Frankly, nothing else matters, so I'll just stop the news now.








Oh, fine, I'll keep going. Whiners.

According to TNA, Kevin Nash has been released from hospital and is now at home, resting. He is tentatively schedule for the January 26th and 27th Impact tapings, but that may change according to his condition. See, I told you. He beat a bicep tear, a quad tear, a heart attack, and hanging around with Scott Hall for years. A staph infection is nothing to the power of Nash!

Some buyrates for the last WWE PPVs of 2008 have been released, and it should come to no surprise that even moving from its ill-fated Tuesday spot a couple years back hasn't saved Cyber Sunday's buys, as it failed to even crack 200,000 this time, probably making it the lowest WWE buyrate of the year, and (I didn't think this was possible) an even lower number than 2007's edition. It's a shame there's no December 2 Dismember PPV to save them from lowly status. Then again, maybe WWE will wise up a little more and drop back to the old standard of 12 PPVs per year, ridding themselves of the money pit of Cyber Sunday and maybe one of the Judgment Day-One Night Stand-Great American Bash-Night of Champions logjam in the summer.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 01.19.08

WWE Raw

- Batista, out 6-8 months as of December 22nd (hamstring)

WWE SmackDown

- Umaga, out indefinitely as of August 20th (PCL)
- Maryse, SD!, day-to-day (dislocated kneecap)

ECW

- Evan Bourne, out 4-6 weeks (torn deltoid)

TNA

- Awesome Kong, day-to-day as of January 11th (back)
- Christy Hemme, out indefinitely as of January 10th (neck surgery)
- Kevin Nash, out indefinitely as of January 11th (staph infection)
- Moose, out 6 months as of July 7th (broken femur)
- Suicide (Kaz), out indefinitely as of December 15th (torn bicep)

Transactions

- Rob Van Dam, made return to WWE at the Royal Rumble

But did he re-sign, or was it a one-shot deal?


My God, I've become everything I ever hated.

Who's Holding Gold

And CM Punk continues his impressive title streak. No, not the whole "fastest to win all three major titles" thing, I'm talking about the fact that, going into his fourth different title reign, Punk still has not won, nor been defeated for any of his titles in a PPV match. Maybe they should just bring back the TV Title for him.

WWE

**NEW** WWE Champion: Edge
- 1 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy on January 25th (Royal Rumble PPV)

World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena
- 64 day reign, defeated Chris Jericho on November 23rd (Survivor Series PPV)

ECW Champion: Jack Swagger
- 13 day reign, defeated Matt Hardy on January 13th (ECW on Sci Fi)

**NEW** WWE Intercontinental Champion: CM Punk
- 7 day reign, defeated William Regal on January 19th (Raw)

WWE United States Champion: Shelton Benjamin
- 190 day reign, defeated Matt Hardy on July 20th (Great American Bash PPV)

World Tag Team Champions: John Morrison and The Miz
- 44 day reign, defeated CM Punk and Kofi Kingston on December 13th (Hamilton, ON house show)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
- 122 day reign, defeated Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder on September 26th (Smackdown)

**NEW** WWE Women's Champion: Melina
- 1 day reign, defeated Beth Phoenix on January 25th (Royal Rumble PPV)

WWE Diva's Champion: Maryse
- 31 day reign, defeated Michelle McCool on December 26th (Smackdown)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Sting
- 106 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on October 12th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money, Inc.
- 15 day reign, defeated former champions Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed, and Matt Morgan & Abyss, in a Triple Threat match on January 11th (Genesis PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Alex Shelley
- 15 day reign, defeated Chris Sabin in a tournament final to claim the vacant title on January 11th (Genesis PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong
- 96 day reign, defeated Taylor Wilde on October 23rd (Impact)

TNA Legends Champion: Booker T
- 96 day reign, introduced new title on October 23rd (Impact)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Wilcox and Cook have the weekend news reports.

The Triple Threat talks about the Rumble.

Rodriguez has For The Record.

For full play-by-play of how I cleverly betrayed the 411 Commonwealth Alliance and revealed myself as the newest member of the Csonka Regime, read the results of The 411Mania Imperial Rumble.

Ari has Column of Honor.

And Braun has Making The Grade.

The Gab Bag

So I've decided to quit doing Michael Cole Bingo, simply because it seems that WWE has actually paid attention to some very valid complaints about his over-reliance on certain phrases and spent the last couple weeks suppressing those tendencies. Quite honestly, I have no problem with announcers using catchphrases, hell, JR could fill his own Bingo card without even trying. The difference is that JR never (or rarely) uses the same catchphrase twice in the same show, and he even saves some just for PPV matches, while Cole was obviously in a rut of mindlessly using the same statements, often in the same match. If WWE has noticed as well, and taken steps to force him away from his comfortable repetition, the end result can only be a better announcer. And since WWE seems intent on making Cole the Raw announcer of the future, that's not just a good thing, that's a great thing. Plus, forcing Jerry Lawler to take a more active role in commentary and focus on calling the match has also improved The King's role in the last couple weeks.

So, kudos to WWE, for actually paying attention to a very real and very large flaw in their announce team. Just remember, Michael Cole Bingo can return at any moment, so be vigilant!

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EST.

Remember, if you love poker, and are in the Kitchener-Cambridge-Waterloo area, check out Player's Poker League.

And for the drunken ramblings of Sean Carless and his merry band of reprobates, check out The Wrestling Fan.

That's our show, before we go, we check in with our good friend, Jeff Small, for a preview of tomorrow's Small-For-All News Report. Small?

Hello, Randle. I wish you could have caught me at a better time. You see, I'm quite inconsolable.

You are?

Yes, I am. The Great Khali was robbed, man! He could have won the Rumble, if only he hadn't been stuck with such a lousy high number!

Oh, I see. Well, I think he put on a good showing, he's got nothing to be ashamed of. Only one man can win, after all.

But he's The Great Khali! The Punjabi Playboy! And he was tossed unceremoniously by a stinking Russian! Vladimir Kozlov isn't fit to carry The Great Khali's travel bags!

The possibility that in terms of workrate, popularity, and charisma that might actually be true causes me no end of dread.

I know! After all, The Great Khali is huge in India! Kozlov isn't even the fortieth most popular person in all of Russia!

What? I'll have to look that up.

…

I'll be damned, there he is. Number sixty-three, right below Yakov Smirnoff.

Yakov's only sixty-two?

I know! And you thought the Rumble was a travesty.

In Soviet Russia, the Whammy waits for you!

Jeff Small, ladies and gentlemen. He's in tomorrow, I"ll be back next week.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.