Truth B Told 1.29.09: I Fought The Law

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 01.29.2009

Odd, when I kicked my old boss in the head I got thrown out by security and probation and yet no title match to speak of. Maybe I have to stop taking wrestling so dang literally.

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin has ruined a lot of things for us in wrestling. He's ruined heel promos without the audience chanting "WHAT?", he's ruined super tight denim cutoff shorts, and he's ruined the ability to feud with your boss and manage to make it not come off as hokey or unbelievable. Case in point, we have basically the 3 biggest companies in the US right now running similar angles where the "boss" of the company is feuding with one of their "employees". Randy Orton is feuding with the McMahon's, Kurt Angle is feuding with Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley, and to some extent Larry Sweeney and "Sweet ‘n Sour Inc." is railing against RoH management and now has even dragged Cary Silkin into the picture. The thing is with a "Blue Print" like Stone Cold vs Vince is that it a "Blue Print" only works when you have the right building blocks.

The one thing that really stood out to me the last few weeks is that Stephanie came back to RAW as a semi- heel, but yet she seems to be "feuding" with full on heels like Chris Jericho and now Randy Orton. The most effective part of the whole Austin/McMahon feud was that people could relate to hating the evil boss and sympathizing with the blue collar working stiff. Stephanie doesn't come across as a sympathetic "face" and really has had problems doing so since after she was "kidnapped" by the Undertaker and saved by Ken Shamrock. Vince McMahon has almost NEVER been a credible "face" and even bringing back Shane doesn't do much better considering he's never had the same charisma that his father has had. His heel work has been passable, but just not quite as compelling as his old man. The idea of a "heel" facing off against a "face" authority figure just always seemed a little anti-climactic considering that you could always just figure that wrestler…or could you?

You look at the Angle situation and the basis for him and the other members of the MEM being kept on the roster are their contract status. Double J would probably be better off in a storyline sense by firing Angle or Nash or Steiner, but can't because of these iron clad contracts. Then again it seems like wrestling contracts are based in some special alternate universe that the rest of contract law doesn't apply to. Why Vince can fire with absolute impunity and yet no one in TNA ever is…unless they get a briefcase that is…is beyond me. The reason that most "heel" authority figures keep their albatrosses around is because they prefer to torture their rivals or they need them because in a practical sense they are "money makers". Why else would Vince not fire Austin or DX? While Stephanie told Orton that firing was "too easy" she basically made the play to make Orton's life a "living hell", the problem is that they are pushing Orton and if they want to continue pushing him then he has to look dominant or at least look like a credible threat, how can he do so if he's constantly being put up against unbeatable odds or humiliated? People don't pay to see a heel overcome the odds, they pay to see the favorite "faces" do that. This is either going to lead to the inevitable "face turn" or this is going to lead to some kind of heel turn by one of the McMahons.

Kurt Angle and the MEM are waging war against their employers, but are doing so in a very NOW kind of way, only this isn't leading to a "Higher Power" coming into back them. The difference between the MEM and Orton is that the MEM are running roughshod over TNA and are perceived to have all the power (inexplicably) and the "faces" are perceived as being the underdogs that are trying to overcome the odds. Too bad they haven't as of yet and really the Frontline are another PPV away from just looking like a bunch of 2nd rate losers. It's rare when fans have to rally behind the "boss" especially since most of us have no idea what it's like to be a multi-millionaire and have absolute (theoretically) power over an entire roster and company. yet here we are, rooting for Double J and Mick Foley, lucky for them though they've done a good job of making them appear likable. Remember that sympathy, relatability, and charisma are what make the "underdog" a true underdog. Without it, an "underdog" is merely a weak loser.

With Sweet n' Sour Inc. seemingly bullying the rest of the roster and no one in management stepping in to restore order things in RoH have become a bit chaotic. Now that Cary himself has played a more active role and granted the team of Strong/Albright/Stevens/Briscoe a shot at SnS in a cage things should be a little more contained. the scenerio as it stands now has very little actual "authority" in RoH and yet the only really organized groups of wrestlers seem to be "heel" stables that are roaming the landscape and exacting whatever forms of punishment they decide, like roving gangs in Mad Max minus the super sweet rides. While RoH has put single wrestlers or tag teams against the larger and more dominant stables as a way to build them up as sympathetic "underdogs" that strategy continues to fail as the stables always seem to be the better of the "faces" about 9 out of 10 times. It begins losing it's effectiveness after a while. While I'm not a proponent of having non-performers like Cary or Dixie Carter interject themselves into storylines, having a Cornette (both in his RoH and TNA runs) there as a main "authority figure" serves to at least provide a direction and focal point.

My main skepticism behind the whole "heel" wrestler vs ‘tweener authority figure is that they are sort of duplicating that storyline with Chris Jericho as well as with Orton. Only Orton has the benefit of back up and this perceived notion of power due to his "guaranteed title shot" and threat of lawsuit. Which in all reality is bogus, but then again it's wrestling. The main reason to pit a wrestler against their boss is to push the wrestler and gather support behind him. In this scenario it would appear that the only way for this to end is for "Evil to prevail" and the basic rule of wrestling is that "good always wins". While this might end up in a turn for Jericho or Orton, the fear here is that flipping the "Blue Print" in this case might not work. Austin outsmarting Vince at every turn made him a star, Orton outsmarting Stephanie and Shane…just makes them morons. There is perhaps some hope for a "Boss vs Employee" feud that has some 'heat' behind it, JBL vs HBK...sure the match might not be that great, but I'll be damned if the crowd isn't eating it up. Once again, proof positive that a hated boss is the key ingredient to making that kind of feud work. Or at least one you wouldn't mind see eating a Super kick.

The Truth

I've seen "Boss vs Employee" a dozen times, each time it just sort of makes me hearken back to the "Attitude Era" where a DX, Austin, Rock, or Foley could make it so believable and get a crowd behind them without fail. They tried to pull the same formula with Cena with mixed results. They tried to resurrect DX and while it worked to some degree, it just lost it's appeal to see middle aged men trying to act like young punk rebels again. They pitted Vickie Copeland against HHH, Jeff Hardy, and Undertaker…and it actually got Vickie more "over" than those wrestlers. Let's face it. Austin vs Vince was lightening in a bottle, everything else is just a flash in the pan.

Coming Up Short

So a middle aged and slightly doughy Shane McMahon slowly walks out and strikes the fear into the hearts of the roster before very sloppily taking out all 3 members of "Bromance"? Seriously?? Those 3 guys outlasted 26 other men in the Royal Rumble, but not Shane-O Mac?? Way to bitch out your main heel on his way to the top by making him have to oversell the most pathetic looking air punches I have seen since De Le Hoya quit on Pacquiao. Yeah…I'm Filipino…so what? If you ask me, the momentum of Randy Orton came up pretty damn short in the span of 5 minutes after his slow build to "Legit Bad Ass". Sure I'm not happy with the whole lawsuit angle, but I guess it might kinda explain things and keep him on the heel side of things since everyone hates lawyers. But having to lay down and bitch out to the Shane-O Mac n' Cheese….just sad.

6 Degrees of…



I'm teetering on the edge of whether it's too late to get into "Lost" this late in the game, but in case I do get sucked in, let's feature the Burley Hurley this week and link him to another curly haired chubby that recently has turned up "Lost"….



You know him as Manu, but most know him as Afa Jr. Now if only he could find his way onto a time traveling island so he can go back to when he had a push…and camera time.

Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

First things first...Asian...yes.

Secondly, great article. Since my lone trip to Japan a few years ago, I enjoy hearing about other people's Asian adventures (and watching the videos).

I think the Chinese state-run sports academies, where athletes are identified at a young age then placed into sports that maximize their expected potential, prevents anyone from taking an interest in wrestling seriously. When this is combined with the dearth of wrestling on Chinese TV that you described in your article, it's easy to see why there is no interest in china.

I think you hit the nail on the head regarding what it would take for wrestling to get a foothold in China, or more accurately, what WWE will do to screw it up.

My (limited) experience with Chinese nationals tells me that their national pride is so strong they would be unable to accept anyone but a home-grown talent. If the E were to half-ass this and try to pass off a Japanese wrestler as Chinese would be a disaster...not only because of that national pride (in the states, some would call it racism) but due to the long-standing animosity between China and Japan.

What's interesting is that WWE creative is already going down that road and doesn't realize it. Kung Fu is a Chinese martial art, and as we all know, Funaki is Japanese...INDEED!

The best plan I could see is if Vince wanted to hand-pick a pet Chinese Superstar from the ranks of Olympic sports. Using the NBA as an example, he would have to negotiate a buyout from the Chinese gov't, similar to what happened with Yao Ming.

Some potentials include: Xiaoping Zhang (6'2", won light heavyweight gold in boxing during the Beijing Olympics), Zhilei Zhang (silver in the heavyweight division), Zhu Guo (6'2", bronze in Taekwando), or any of the 8 gold medal winners in weightlifting. I'm pretty sure some of those male gymnasts could be a popular choice, and besides, dudes are ripped! (c'mon, you know you were a little jealous...)

I can think of at least one Olympic hero who had some pretty good success working for Vince...Mark Henry, ECW Champian ring any bells? Oh yeah, that other guy...

One thing the E could do is present a twist on the Evil Foreign Heel character...perhaps a spoiled fat Captain America-type who tries to start "USA" chants and cuts promos while pulling his eyelids into narrow slits. If only JBL was 20 years younger.

Josh
Las Vegas

Lil' known fact…every Asian culture hates pretty much every other Asian culture. To think that we all "look alike"…yet we all "hate alike". A Japanese wrestler passed off as a Chinese national would go over as well as animal testing at a condom factory…using porcupines. But you do point out some potential candidates with good athletic backgrounds. If they are pushing Jack Swagger so fast because of his amateur wrestling background, why not a true Olympian. Oh and in terms of Mark Henry being a "success"…um…even Tommy Dreamer held the ECW title once…so…yeah, take that for what you want. I actually think that if the "e" was serious they could find an athlete willing to train to be a wrestler, the real problem is…how to make him a serious wrestler as well as a winner. Like the Chinese gymnastics team…not the Chinese national spelling bee team. "Your word is Lollipop"…."what the herr??".

That's a japanese pop group :p

Posted By: Steve

True…but then what the hell are they doing on Chinese MTV? Still doesn't make me feel unless comfortable that many of those guys looks like this month's "Import Tuner" model.

My somewhat half-hearted and poorly focused google search of "chinese pro wrestlers" is picking up nothing I can use. Surely there must be SOME, but heck if I can find anything. I can't be arsed to look too thoroughly, but maybe you could Ask 411 Wrestling or someone less lazy than me. I am curious to see if there is even a viable Chinese wrestler out there for WWE to try and push in a not stupid way.

Okay, so there were more dudes, and by the sound of one voice in particular, possibly a chick (Hell, they might all be women. That's some seriously smooth skin, and considering what you said about the Hooters girls...), in that group than the entire supporting cast of Naruto, but damn if I don't loves me some futuristicness in my music videos.

Coincidentally, Ego, that's how I feel about white or black or Latino people.

A Chinese wrestler to tap into the market sounds good in theory. Hopefully the next Kurt Angle is Chinese. However, the E' has Dalip Singh right now so they should really be looking to make more inroads into India, which is a huge market with an already established fanbase. No Tiger Ali Singh please.

Posted By: Finn

Seriously, someone get over and ask Sforcina about Chinese wrestlers….I'm too lazy myself and he has nothing to do since he has taken time off cyber stalking Victoria. Oh and they do all look alike, it's not racist…it's inbreeding. You know that's how they breed boy bands in Asia. It's true…just ask Sforcina. And um…Finn….that "seriously smooth skin" comment makes me think that maybe you Angry Bear and Tim should be hanging out at the same clubs on the weekend….I'm just judging…just saying.

6 Degrees Results

To be first…you just have to be better than second place. And if second place is no one…well…

#1.

Here you go. I could have gone with the obvious route of Barack's appearance on WWE television but decided that was too easy, so I went a different route.

1. Michelle Obama is married to the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama.

2. Barack Obama's inauguration was attended by boxing legend Muhammed Ali

3. Muhammed Ali was at the lit the torch during opening ceremonies of the 1996 Olympics, where Kurt Angle won an Olympic Gold Medal "with a broken freakin' neck!"

4. Kurt Angle feuded with AJ Styles from May to August of 2008.

5. AJ Styles defeated Scott Steiner in the main event of the January 15th, 2009 episode of TNA iMpact.

6. Scott Steiner's "favorite freak," as introduced on the February 14, 2008 episode of iMpact, was Rhaka Khan.

Cheers!

Jeremy Thomas

Khan…one of the most fearsome warriors in the Kong-tourage….in fact…one of the most feared in all the Kong-dom.

Left Overs…(5%-er edition)

I was on my flight the other day to San Francisco and was reading a the "Sky Mall" magazine and there was a Japanese wooden bridge you could buy that promised to add "Asian Flair" to your home. You know, maybe I don't know much about Japanese wooden bridges, but I think there is only one man who could be properly categorized as "Asian Flair"….WOO!!.

Odds are that after Mickey Rourke announced his involvement in Wrestlemania this year he can probably kiss that Oscar good-bye. If so that would be the worst snub since "Schindler's List" beat this little gem for "Best Picture" in ‘93.

After taking a good long look at Mickey Rourke's mug in all the trailers for "The Wrestler" I think the perfect tag partner for him to take on Chris Jericho might be this man.

I was trying to find footage of Shane McMahon's extremely believable beatdown on all of the members of The Legacy on Youtube…but apparently THIS was the closest I could find. And you thought Shane's punches connected well.

I was a little worried when I saw that a guy named "Brad Attitude" was going to be wrestling for RoH in Florida vs Austin Aries. But I'm a little more relieved after I saw that "Brody Odor" and "Erick Tyler Disorder" are also booked for the following weekend.

I'm excited to see what D'Lo has left in his stint in RoH. I'm thinking he'll end up hooking up with a stable like AoTF, getting over with the crowd, then eventually having Jimmy Jacobs turn on him out of jealousy. After all…Brown IS the new Black.

The former "Governor Palin", better known as former SHIMMER and WCW wrestler Daffney, is now a full member of the roster. The plan right now is to pair her up in a stable alongside a metrosexual, a lesbian, a stoner…and Eric Young.

I think I found the only man in the country with the ability to pick up RoH on HDNet when they debut. Yeah…fuck converter boxes…pass me another coat hanger.

The Great Booty Debate 2009

Back again this week with a couple of ladies who look…smart. Um…smart.

Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Alanna: Hopa to it.

Random Latina Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Kili: me softly.

I don't know much about this new Brutus Magnus guy in TNA…only that he used to be in a stable with this fellas. Let's roll out!!

*SPOILER*

It was revealed recently by an inside source that the real reason Mike Knox has been attacking Rey Mysterio is because he has secretly been working for THIS MAN. It's never pretty when family turns on family.

Pimpin' In High Places

I have to just say that I have a lot of respect for the veterans on this website, the guys who have been here for years and manage to still churn out column after column each week. Maybe not everyone column is a Pulitzer, but I'll be damned if longevity don't count for something, here's to you "vets":

Ask 411…Oy, Oy, Oy!!

FoF is a Threesome this week.

Top 5…WHAT??

Lansdell is quickly becoming the Barry Darsow of 411.

HH…because someone has to care about what The Miz does.

CoH, HDNet is nice and all…but when is SHIMMER getting their shot on Oxygen?

AC is still around and kickin'…still wondering when we get our shots to guest judge "Rant Wars 3".

Hate to admit this…but Small is becoming one of the few news columns I make time for each week and every week.

It's another D-Dubya sighting this week, the man's column is the herpes outbreak of 411.

How much Chinese food can a guy eat in a month? I've been to Shanghai one week, stayed in Chinatown in San Francisco just yesterday, and I'm back there in two weeks time. I'm telling you right now, I love Peking duck and egg tarts as much as the next guy…and no "egg tarts" is not a euphemism for Chinese hookers…although I'm working on getting it over…but I gotta get start eating something that comes with forks. So if anyone knows of some good eats in downtown San Francisco or the Embarcadero area, now's the time to let your ol' buddy B know what's up. Otherwise in two weeks I'll be up to my eyeballs in egg tarts again. I mean…."Egg Tarts"…*wink*

Oh yeah…"Jump into my dreams" indeed… V ^_^

Till then, the Truth will set you free.

-B