The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks 03.06.09

Posted by John Meehan on 03.06.2009

WHATCHAGONNADO when Hulkster ruins a perfectly good WrestleMania for you?!?



Welcome back, all! And thanks for tuning in for your regularly scheduled week ending 'rasslin news report. Both onscreen and off, there were a TON of things that happened this week -- so I'm just going to skip the intro babble and get right to the task at hand, deal?

Rock & Roll.

The SELL of the week goes to Jeff Hardy, whose understated performance on last Friday night's Smackdown! actually managed to do the near impossible in earning a standing ovation for WALKING AWAY from a physical confrontation with his brother, Matt. After the elder Hardy had goaded Jeff into the ring, the former WWE Champion flatly declined his brother's invitation to settle things in the squared circle -- all while conveying a look of disappointment and dismay at his brother's jealousy. To cap the segment, Jeff turned and gave the audience a quick smile of acknowledgement, hammering home the fan support that his elder brother so desperately craves.

The TELL of the week goes to Rhaka Khan, who may well be the single worst professional wrestler currently active in a wrestling promotion with a television deal today. During the tag match between the feuding members of the Kongterouge, Rhaka simply STOOD STILL during both offensive and defensive exchanges. In addition to looking completely lost while in the ring, Rhaka's awkward traffic cone-like behavior made the remainder of the bout look flagrantly slow-motion, and terribly scripted along the way.

New and/or newly returning performers or events of the past week.

none - in a rare turn of events, there were no newly debuting performers this week, and no onscreen appearances by one-off enhancement talents over the past seven days.



Obituaries, retirements, and/or performers whose contracts have ended this week.

Lance (Hoyt) Rock & Jimmy Rave - This TNA tandem wrestled their last match for the company on last week's iMPACT!, when Lance Rock was pinned by Beer Money Inc., thus forcing him to leave the promotion in accordance with the terms of the Tag Team Champions' "Off The Wagon Challenge." Frankly, neither Rave nor Rock have done much of anything on TNA programming in months, and their release at this point hardly comes as anything of a surprise. In November of last year, word started circulating among the usual channels that the budding economic recession had forced those within the accounting departments at BOTH WWE and TNA headquarters to seriously consider trimming the fat on each of their respective rosters. At the time, I sized up all of those performers currently under contract with either promotion, and enganged in a bit of speculative guessing so as to determine which performers may well find themselves looking for work once the inevitable layoffs began. Of the list of superstars who found themselves on my best guess at a firing bubble, Hoyt and Rave now bring the total of my likely-to-be-fired performers to 16.


John Carle - WWE Creative team member John Carle was released this week in a budget cutting measure by World Wrestling Entertainment. Carle joins fellow creative team members Bruce Pritchard and Freddie Prinze, Jr. on the list of those backstage writers to recently have parted ways with World Wrestling Entertainment.


The Boogeyman - ECW Superstar Marty Wright, a.k.a. "The Boogeyman", was released by World Wrestling Entertainment this week. This release marks the second time that Wright has been canned by WWE. His last WWE release came in the summer of 2006, but lasted less than one month's time when WWE officials learned that Wright had been in particularly high demand on the independent circuit and was rumored to be drawing paydays in excess of $600 per appearance while performing using The Boogeyman gimmick. Upon his re-hire in 2006, Wright was sent to hone his skills at the Houston-based wrestling school of (then-)WWE superstar Booker T, who has since left the company. Boogey's in-ring improvement was marginal, at best -- but he remained a tremendously popular act with younger audiences in spite of his virtually non-existent moveset. In-ring abilities not withstanding, The Boogeyman is well-connected within the industry (both in TNA and in smaller feds around the country), and he has done quite well for himself on the independent circuit in the past. Should his booking rate from three years ago still hold, Wright actually stands to make a *six-figure income* by working as little as HALF of the year -- 180 days, which is practically unprecedented in the independent wrestling ranks. As such, the 45-year-old Wright is expected to return to his limited wrestling role for smaller organizations as soon as his no-compete clause with WWE expires.


Afa The Wild Samoan - The WWE Hall of Famer was removed from the company's payroll this week as part of the ever-expanding cost-cutting measures recently enacted by World Wrestling Entertainment. Even though his onscreen role has been virtually nonexistent since his Hall of Fame induction in 2007, Afa has remained on the WWE payroll in the two years since -- likely as a reward for his backstage role as a trainer of young and up-and-coming performers working their way through WWE's "feeder" programs and independantly owned wrestling schools across the country (Afa's own school is based out of Pennsylvania). Most recently, Afa served as the trainer for Mickey Rourke, who studied under The Samoan superstar in order to prepare for his Oscar-nominated role in "The Wrestler." Afa's departure from the WWE ranks seems to have been done on good terms for both sides, as WWE talent scout John Laurinaitis is expected to visit The Wild Samoan Wrestling Academy in June of this year to size up potential signees to the WWE farm leagues.



Performers injured or suspended in the past week.

Umaga - the newly returning Smackdown! superstar appears to have suffered some sort of leg injury during this week's Smackdown! tapings. During his match against Triple H, the Samoan Bulldozer appeared to have legitimately injured his leg, causing the referee to throw up the infamous "x" hand signal that (typically) signifies that a *real* injury has occured. Umaga did not wrestle on the second show taped later in the night. To date, there has been no confirmation from WWE on the extent of this new injury, which could be a promising sign given the fact that we are now some 48 hours removed from the taping (which would have given trainers and physicians plenty of time to properly diagnose a serious injury, if need be). That said, it bears noting that Umaga only recently returned to WWE after spending several months on the inactive list due to a torn PCL suffered in August of last year.



Performers who've landed in hot water over the past week.

Brian Gerwitz - RAW writer Brian Gerwitz appears to have garnered a fair bit of heat backstage over the past week on account of a line he had included in his scripted promo for John Cena which aired on last week's RAW broadcast. Apparently, Gerwitz suggested that Cena include a one-off dig at Michael Cole being appointed the new General Manager of RAW ("Vintage Michael Cole!"), which was seen as his attempt to make Vince McMahon laugh rather than to build up the onscreen talent and entertain the audience at home. Word has it that in recent weeks, Vince has been increasingly distracted from a large portion of the creative process (one would suppose that this sort of thing can happen when attempting to finalize logistics, book celebrities, and stage the single largest show of the year), and so he didn't know about the joke until it made live television. For as "insider" and entertaining as the dig may have been, the bottom line is that Vince wasn't a fan, and so Gerwitz's backstage rep has taken a bit of a drubbing as a result. Clearly not the end of the world, mind you... but it is interesting nonetheless to see the WWE honcho put *professionalism* before *personal entertainment* (a feat he's not always managed to accomplish in the past, coughcoughJR'sColonoscopycoughcough). Perhaps TNA -- who has recently become *rife* with onscreen airings of "insider" lingo and "smart" in-jokes -- would be well-served to borrow their cue from this example, as the goal of a wrestling entertainment company is, first and foremost, to entertain THEIR FANS and *not* simply their employees.



Developing scandals, scuttlebutt, and budding backstage rumors.

Rey Mysterio - has missed a number of WWE performances over the past two weeks as the former World Champion has been pulled from active competition in order to spend time with his wife, Angelica, as she navigated complications surrounding the final stages of her pregnancy with the couple's third child, who was born on March 3. Mysterio is expected to return to action (presumably with a new tattoo to commemorate the occasion) once his wife is back to full health.

Steve Austin - was spotted in Florida this week without his trademark goatee. Yup, this is what passes for "NEWS" in a slow week, folks.

Hulk Hogan - has reportedly been training in order to make an in-ring return for a "SERIOUS" high-profile match. Understandably, this has sparked rumors of a Hogan appearance on this year's WrestleMania card (especially since he is the focal point of the new Legends of WrestleMania video game) -- despite the fact that Hogan himself has made several radio appearances denying that he will NOT, in fact, take part at this year's event. Then again, Hulkster is always *very* very good at getting his name buzzing about the rumor mills as WWE approaches the home stretch for WrestleMania each year, and he has been burned for "spilling the beans" about a possible on-show appearance in the past... so who knows WHAT The Immortal One and the WWE Chairman have up their sleeves regarding the 25th Annual Grandaddy of Them All.

Obviously, Hogan's appearance on the WrestleMania card would most logically find him somehow involved with Chris Jericho's ongoing quest to "Save Us" from our dependance on nostalgia by eradicating all of the Mickey Rourke-esque in-ring returns of the WWE Hall of Famers. And frankly, for as spotlight stealing and thoroughly past his in-ring prime as The Hulkster may well indeed be, there really is no single performer from the previous generation who is more guilty of THE EXACT SORT OF BEHAVIOR that Jericho has been lambasting than Hulk Hogan himself (and this coming from a diehard Hulkamaniac, mind you). From his countless retirements to his exploitive "reality" ventures and his cyclical argue-only-to-kiss-and-makeup routine with Vince McMahon, Hulk has rarely missed an opportunity in recent years to score himself just about every possible second of onscreen cameo time that he can. And if Jericho is the kind of bad guy who tells fans the ugly truth? There's really no better opponent for his crusade than the biggest spotlight stealing old-timer in wrestling history.

Quite frankly?

For as suspect a performance as it may well be *inside* of the ring, a Jericho versus Hogan match (with Hogan as an in-ring stand-in for "The Wrestler" character portrayed by a Hogan cornerman in Mickey Rourke) has money written all over it. Fact of the matter is? Hogan's best 'Mania matches have ALWAYS been more about spectacle than sport (see: Hogan/Andre, Hogan/Rock), and a large degree of the man's success on has simply been due to just how well the hype leading into the bout has worked to his favor (heck, his SummerSlam 2005 match against Shawn Michaels was a veritable CARTOON -- and it STILL drew crazy numbers and left audiences on their feet).

As for this year's show? The lead-in storyline -- both from a kayfabe perspective and from a marketing point of view -- practically writes itself. Jericho's crusade against gloryhogging old-timers practically BEGS for precisely such a foe to confront him on The Grandest Stage of Them All (and frankly, NOBODY is paying WrestleMania-money to see Jericho in a match against Piper, Lawler or Jimmy Snuka). Meanwhile, "The Wrestler" defends the right of these proverbial old dogs to keep practicing the same tricks that we loved them for in the first place, and The Hulkster is pretty much the very embodiment of that "old timer who just can't let it go" we've seen Jericho tearing down on RAW since the film hit the theatres.

MeeThinks?

WWE could actually take any potential for a negative fan backlash that this match might have (and believe Mee, with Hogan involved, it WILL have its fair share of detractors) and spin it into a license to print money. While it is certainly true that placing Hulk Hogan on ANY card has the potential to distract much of the media attention, there's also something to be said for the fact that the vast majority of these same outlets simply would have ignored the show altogether if it wasn't for a "C"-lebrity crossover. As such, WWE's regular performers could actually end up receiving increased exposure thanks to the tremendous amount of NEW media (and casual fan) attention that Hulk's inclusion is liable to create. And given the current "Jericho hates the gloryhogging old-timers" storyline? BOTH the angle's critics and fans alike find themselves with an in-ring combatant to root for: "Smart" fans (and the "holier-than-thou, 'rasslin is for rednecks!" media types) will complain that the old guy has no business trying to steal the spotlight from the new generation, making it an easy call for them to side with the jaded, sarcastic, and ever IWC-friendly Chris Jericho. Casual fans, meanwhile (and those media outlets more friendly to Mickey Rourke's performance in "The Wrestler"), won't have any problem siding with the returning hero. After all, he's as entitled to make a living as the next guy, and his "fake" in-ring prowess is certainly no more or less legitimate than any of the other faux-grapplers out there, right? Throw in the no-brainer tie-in of Mickey Rourke standing tall in The Hulkster's corner, and you've got the potential for an easy sell and a huge buyrate.

Again -- this is all still tremendously speculative, so stay tuned as the story develops. But as it stands now? Having Hulkster onboard for WrestleMania 25 is hardly the worst thing that WWE (or its fans) can look forward to on this year's card.


A 25-Diva Battle Royal at WrestleMania 25 - was announced this week on WWE.com, leading to all sorts of speculation as to which performers -- including regular stars and former talents -- WWE will soon be adding for inclusion on this year's WrestleMania card ("25 Divas for 25 Years" -- get it?). At present, WWE only has 17 female in-ring performers under contract on each of their three main rosters combined (this excludes such occasional/non-wrestling performers as Stephanie McMahon, Lillian Garcia, Vickie Guerrero and the like), meaning that they're still going to need an additional 8 performers in order to fill out the card. If you throw in the soon-to-be-returning Gail Kim, WWE still comes up 7 ladies short of the needed 25 participants. Not surprisingly, this has lead to all sorts of wild speculation as to which former WWE Divas could end up taking part in this year's WrestleMania event.

Before we go TOO crazy with talk of unburning bridges (Chyna) or signing away TNA talent (Miss Jackie), it most definitely warrants mention that WWE still maintains close contact with a number of their former female employees. Several are still active or semi-active in the wrestling business and have appeared in cameo roles at WWE events in the past two years' time. They include: Lita, Molly Holly and Sunny (all of whom last appeared on RAW in 2007), as well as Mae Young (who last appeared at Armageddon in 2008), and Trish Stratus (who last appeared on RAW in 2008). In addition, WWE recently parted ways on good terms with Torrie Wilson (last appeared on SD! in 2008) and Victoria (last appeared on SD! in 2008), bringing the available total of WWE Diva Alumnae to seven. Of course, Victoria is rumored to be mulling a career in Mixed Martial Arts, while Torrie's back has effectively put her into permanent retirement -- but it's probably not out of the question to see either woman added to the card and given an EXTREMELY limited wrestling role in order to reach the 25 needed participants.

So who makes the card?

Smart odds are on ladies like Sunny and Mae Young, while slightly longer odds are on divas like Trish and Lita. In a pinch (should one of the "cameo" ladies bail at the last minute), I wouldn't be surprised in the least to see WWE sub in a last-minute performer like ECW's Tiffany. But if you're seriously hoping for an unexpected in-ring return from Stacy Kiebler (preggers), Ariel/Salinas (porn), or Cherry (left the business altogether)? I'd suggest not holding your breath.



Recaps and thoughts on the onscreen happenings of the past week. For the purposes of this column's deadline, we'll focus on THIS WEEK's RAW and ECW broadcasts, and LAST WEEK's Smackdown and iMPACT!.

TNA iMPACT! (air date: Feb. 26, 2009) aired last Thursday evening, and witnessed the latest chapter in the unfolding implosion of The Main Event Mafia stable, as Kurt Angle and Sting signed the contract that will force them to compete for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at this month's Destination X PPV.

The show opened with The Beautiful People taking on the makeshift babyface tandem of Taylor Wilde and Madison Rayne. The rulebreaking duo picked up the win when Rayne turned on Wilde in the middle of the match, abandoning her partner and causing the former TNA Knockouts Champion to suffer a clean pinfall loss in the center of the ring. Last week, the babyface ladies took the opportunity to gloat about their numbers advantage over Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, and so it seemed as if only a matter of time before the heels added a new (and desperately needed) baddie to their ranks. The good news? This heel turn is a great chance for Madison Rayne to show what she can do in a higher-profile role.

However, the only problem with this particular development is that should Madison Rayne be added to the Beautiful People's stable, the TNA Knockouts division will be divided into heel and face alignments according to what is effectively the battle lines of just two warring stables. At the top of the ladies card, you've got the Kongterouge (a two-lady team) and the defectors (who are a team). And now in the undercard, you've got the Beautiful People (which is shaping up to be a three-person team) and *their* trio of babyface opponents (Roxxi, Taylor, and The Governor). While this is all well and good for the time being (especially because women's segments are limited), one can't help but notice that it pretty much forces TNA into a rinse-and-repeat cycle of keeping both groupings of their female performers stuck in storylines where all they can ever end up doing is fighting the exact same opponents over and over again.

TNA Fun Fact: Apparently, while SpikeTV censors are strongly opposed to scripted male-on-female violence, their stance against (very real) strong language is a lot more forgiving. Did you catch Kip James audibly shouting the words "bullshit" and "bitch" on national television? The SpikeTV censors sure didn't!

Backstage, Booker T continued his investigation in search of his stolen TNA Legends Championship belt, which now resides in the hands of his recurring backstage assailant, AJ Styles. This week (some two weeks after Booker initially promised to press charges to regain his property), Booker was picked on by his Main Event Mafia cohorts ("HE HAS A LAST NAME?! HI-HI-HILARIOUS!") and visited by local law enforcement officials. Following their visit through the backstage area crime scene, the cops exited the arena... JUST IN TIME for AJ Styles to bumrush Booker T and engage in a (TNA Trademark) pull-apart brawl at the hands of the arena security. Funny thing how the police didn't bother to turn back around to see what all the fuss was about, no?

In-ring action continued with the next installment of Beer Money, Inc.'s "Off The Wagon Challenge." This week's match saw the TNA Tag Team Champions scoring a tainted victory over The Rock and Rave Infection thanks to some well-timed outside interference from Miss Jackie Moore. By virtue of his pinfall loss in this contest, Lance Hoyt was forced to leave TNA Wrestling forever (no word on whether or not the same stipulation applied to Jimmy Rave, but he is rumored to have received his TNA release as well). On the bright side, you have to give TNA's booking team some serious credit for this angle, as it not only garners some INSANE heat for their heelish tag team champions (think "Honkey Tonk Man"), but it also manages to add a ton of credibility to the TNA Tag Team Championship Titles themselves, which continue to receive meaningful, high-profile exposure in a "do or die" atmosphere on the company's weekly broadcast. In order to get fans to believe a belt is worth anything, wrestling companies must first make it clear that the WRESTLERS themselves would likewise be willing to make a major sacrifice in order to gain posession of said belt. The fact that TNA's lower-card tag wrestlers now find themselves putting their TNA careers on the line in hopes to earn this championship goes a LONG way in making the belts themselves mean a great deal to the viewing audience at home. In theory, then, whoever manages to *finally* wrest the straps away from the current Tag Team Champions will look infinitely more impressive for having done so -- provided that TNA can sustain this momentum to the point when that day comes.

TNA Fun Fact: Beer Money, Inc. might just be the all-around better tag team when stacked against WWE's much-loved tandem of John Morrison and The Miz. Even though the TNA Tag Team Champions have held their belts for a shorter amount of time during their most recent reign, they've actually defended their titles more frequently, PLUS they've managed to do so against a more numerous assortment of challengers.

In a pre-taped segment that followed, Abyss continued to reveal his innermost demons and frustrations to his therapist, Dr. Stevie (Richards) (who apparently has been relieved of his teaching duties at the Connecticut School of Broadcasting, as the school closed without warning earlier this week). This marks the third consecutive week that Richards has appeared his onscreen role with TNA, though no date has been set for an actual in-ring debut for the company.

Elsewhere on iMPACT!, the contest to become ODB's onscreen boyfriend continued. In addition to airing snippets from actual user-submitted contrest entries, TNA once again aired excerpts from a "homemade video" from aspiring wrestler Cody Deaner, who has signed with TNA and is believed to be the inevitable winner of this (not quite legit) contest. Sorry fellas.

Backstage (that'd become something of a trend on tonight's broadcast), Scott Steiner was once again assaulted by Samoa Joe -- who ambushed him in the dark from behind and showed up armed with a giant knife held to Steiner's throat. Inexplicably, Steiner chose *not* to call the very same police officers that were busy patrolling the arena in search of Booker T's stolen TNA Legends Championship title belt. Even MORE inexplicably, internet wrestling fans who were once so quick to chastise WWE for Heidenriech's little backstage pseudo-rape of Michael Cole were surprisingly silent when their beloved Ring Of Honor alumnus and former TNA World Champion proceeded to do pretty much the exact same thing to Steiner. That's because Samoa Joe has WORKRATE!!!

In the next pre-taped segment, Mick Foley's Hardcore History 101 spoke of the Hardcore Legend's favorite match of his career. During the video package, Foley talked openly about his less-than-stellar performance as The Rock's partner against Evolution at WrestleMania XX (that match would go on to be The Rock's last). The TNA Executive Shareholder then remarked that his subpar performance inspired him to make the best showing possible when facing Randy Orton at Backlash later that same year. While I get it that Foley's appearance here is likely being used to plant the seeds for his next match in TNA (as the general trend of these videos is "history repeats itself" -- first with the empty arena match, and now with a singles match after a sub-par showing in a tag bout), I can't help but question the wisdom of mentioning current and high-profile WWE stars BY NAME in these segments, as the jist of the message gets lost and the promo ultimately gets reduced to a commercial TO PROMOTE A RIVAL COMPANY'S PRODUCT.

TNA Fun Fact: Did you know that Randy Orton will be challenging for the WWE Championship this year at WrestleMania 25? That Randy Orton -- he's a really really awesome performer, you know. And did I mention WrestleMania?

Getting back to in-ring action (well, if by "in-ring" you count in-ring promos), The Main Event Mafia took center stage in an attempt to cool the tensions between Kurt Angle and Sting. De-facto peacemaker Kevin Nash tried to place the blame for the group's infighting squarely on the shoulders of Jeff Jarrett, but the TNA Founder wasn't having any of it, and so he came to the ring to announce that the Mafia members would indeed be getting their one-on-one rematch at the Destination X pay-per-view following an in-ring contract signing by the end of the night. Had this segment opened the show, I'm pretty sure few fans would have objected, as it did a fine job of setting the stage for the evening and reminding viewers to stick around to see how the night would end. Unfortunately, it came smack-dab in the middle of a near 60-minute stretch that featured NO WRESTLING WHATSOEVER, an omission that was made all the more noticable by the sheer number of backstage segments that surrounded it in which the exact same handful of performers were featured. Make no mistake about it, TNA has a hot angle on their hands in Sting versus Angle (even if it has come at the expense of their homegrown talent) -- but shoehorning this "hard sell" into an already light-on-wrestling show certainly didn't do the program (or its fans) any favors.

After the commercial break, things got heated at the TNA announce table when Don West and Mike Tenay exchanged a nasty show of dirty laundry. Fans watched as West berated his broadcast partner for not having spoken up on his behalf during a string of (non-televised) "closed door meetings" that allegedly saw TNA management discussing the future of Don West's position in the commentary booth. West stormed off the set to close the segment, leaving Tenay to provide commentary for the remainder of the show by his lonesome. I'll say this -- West's promo was solid here, but just *where*, exactly, does this feud between non-performers actually pay off? The last time TNA had two non-wrestling personalities go at it onscreen, the angle was suddenly dropped altogether as backstage announcer Leticia Cline was replaced by newcomer Crystal Louthan. If it's meant to set the stage for the budding "tear this company down around us" war-to-end-all-wars between Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle perhaps the move is a bit more forgivable... but if it's simply a swerve for the sake of having one? Then TNA continues to take one step forward and two steps back with some of the most questionable booking decisions in the history of modern professional wrestling.

After much delay and distraction...

In-ring action FINALLY resumed when Rahka Kahn and Sojournor Bolt defeated their former Kongterouge stablemates in Raisha Saeed and Awesome Kong. After the match, a visibly upset Awesome Kong then proceeded to take out her aggressions on the winning team, which left both of her former cohorts lying in the center of the ring as the show went to commercial. Presumably, this signals the end of Bolt and Kahn's stint as associates alongside the TNA Knockouts Champion. Again, while this development is a good one in that it allows the number one contender the opportunity to showcase her abilities in a higher profile role, it also cements the notion that the current distribution of TNA's female talent are likely to remain paired off in two clearly separate feuding stable storylines for the forseeable future.

Following a highlight package hyping the return of the Ultimate X Match (which was very well done, by the way), the high-energy action of the light-heavyweight ranks continued, as TNA X Division Champion Alex Shelley retained his championship belt in a ladder match against Consequences Creed, Jay Lethal, and Chris Sabin that followed. Unfortunately, the match was light on television time (a scant 8 minutes for a LADDER MATCH? Yikes!), and it also just so happened to find itself gutted by a commercial interruption. Following the match, Suicide ziplined into the ring and left all four men lying and laid momentary claim to the TNA X Division Championship belt, leading fans to believe that the masked superstar will finally make his in-ring debut as a performer at the March 15 Ultimate X match.

TNA Fun Fact: I've been formulating this one for a while now, so how's this "wacky wrestling theory: for you: If a promotion is looking to properly establish each of the performers in a given segment, matches should be alotted AT LEAST three minutes' time for each of the competitors involved (including entrances or pre-match promos). For each additional participant, you should allot an additional three minutes of TV time. That means a singles match featuring TWO competitors should probably be given no less than SIX minutes of television time (2 guys x 3 minutes each = 6 minutes), while a match featuring FOUR competitors should span no less than 12 minutes in length (4 guys x 3 minutes each = 12 minutes overall).

Under this formula (roughly speaking, of course), everybody has an equal chance to make an impression. The more participants in a match? The more TV time you allow it to run. Mid-bout run-ins or post-match altercations can still be kept as exceptions to the "three minutes per performer" rule (so as to allow for the element of surprise). But even at the lower end of the card, comedy acts still manage to get a full three minutes apiece including their pre-match antics to rile the crowd up, while squash matches still get three minutes of TV time so that you can properly establish your "monster" with a menacing glare or a post-match beatdown etc. This way, fans have a reasonable amount of time to develop a vested interest in each of the characters involved in a given contest. Plus, we have a reasonable expectation to believe that the COMPANY ITSELF actually cares enough about us fans (and those performers) as well, which makes it all the more worth our while to show any sort of excitement about who wins and who loses a scripted bout in the first place.

The main event segment of the evening saw Kurt Angle signing the contract to face Sting for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship title at March 15's Destination X pay-per-view. Since no contract signing can ever take place without at least some sort of in-ring scuffle, Angle took the signing as an opportunity to attack Jeff Jarrett (hang on a second here, I thought Angle's single-minded-focus was on dismantling his Main Event Mafia opponent to reclaim the TNA Championship?), which lead to a brawl between the remaining members of The Main Event Mafia and the TNA Founder, and ended with an in-ring save from TNA Executive Shareholder Mick Foley and TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting. Way to stay united there, Stinger.

---

Last week's Friday Night Smackdown! (air date: Feb. 27, 2009) continued the blue brand's slow build to The Grandaddy of Them All, and was highlighted by a rare Smackdown! appearance from John Cena, who had visited the show in hopes to obtain his rematch against World Heavyweight Champion Edge.

The show opened with an in-ring promo from John Cena, who announced that he wouldn't be leaving the ring until somebody gave him an answer in regards to his challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship belt currentlly held by Edge. The Rated R Superstar then hit the ring and gave indication that he might actually put the gold on the line (some brilliant heelish bait-and-switch here by Edge), but he was soon interrupted by Smackdown! General Manager Vickie Guerrero, who announced that Cena would be facing The Big Show in the main event for the evening instead.

Did You Know: By J.R.'s estimation, tonight's Smackdown! broadcast contains not one, not two, but THREE separate "MAIN EVENT" matches. While the last-second, on-the-show addition of Cena/Show certainly warrants a reshuffling of the card (thus excusing a *double* main event show, where the new bout is added to the previously scheduled "Main Event" of Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy), J.R. mistakenly referred to the OPENING bout as a "Main Event" contest as well. Given the fact that Smackdown! is prerecorded some three days prior (or more), one would think that the WWE post-production staff might have fixed that little goof, no?

"Main Event" status or no, in-ring action began as Carlito and Primo Colon successfully defended their WWE Tag Team Championship belts against the reigning World Tag Team Champions of John Morrison and The Miz. The Colons were forced to defend their titles as a result of losing to the World Tag Team Champions some two weeks ago (this explains why only one set of straps were on the line), and they managed to best their ECW counterparts in a solid encounter that was given plenty of television time to reiterate just how important the possibility of seeing "undisputed" tag team champions really could have been. Again, it's not hard here, folks -- four performers, three minutes apiece = give the match at least 12 minutes to tell the story it's designed to tell. After the bout, The Bella Twins reconciled with their respective Colon boyfriends and made their way up the entrance ramp (though I'm pretty sure I caught Nikki looking back towards The Miz as she made her way to the back).

Following a RAW recap video segment, Vladimir Kozlov managed to pick up a rare win over The Undertaker, which allowed The Moscow Mauler to retain his status as "unpinned and never made to submit in single's competition" "unbeaten" since entering World Wrestling Entertainment.

Did You Know: The Undertaker's loss to Vladimir Kozlov marked the first time in more than three months that The Dead Man has come up short in singles competition on Smackdown! His last loss in singles competition on WWE programming occurred on Nov. 14 of 2008, when he lost an Extreme Rules match to Jeff Hardy after The Big Show interfered.

In the next segment, Matt Hardy was scheduled to face his brother Jeff Hardy in a blowoff to the Hardy boys long-simmering sibling rivalry that began at the Royal Rumble in January. The match would not take place, however, as Jeff refused to face his brother and chose instead to walk out of the ring, leaving the elder Hardy boy to bask in his envy of the live audience's show of approval for the former WWE Champion. The build in this storyline has been pitch-perfect thus far, and one has to believe that these two competitors will cross paths once again in short order, as both appear to be headed toward a WrestleMania grudge match (more on that in a second).

Singles action continued as Shelton Benjamin dropped a non-title match to Chavo Guerrero thanks to some outside distraction from MVP, who blindsided The United States Champion with a Drive-By Kick after the final bell was sounded. MVP seems hell-bent on reclaiming the United States Championship from Shelton, and (not having read any spoilers, mind you) I can't help notice that tonight's Smackdown! has been planting the seeds for a much bigger WrestleMania surprise: A "Battle of the Big Men" for this year's Money in the Bank Ladder Match.

Here's why --

Shelton has been ducking MVP for weeks, which means that both men seem destined to clash in a high profile match over the United States Championship in short order, right? Fair enough -- so let's go ahead and scratch BOTH of these men from inclusion in this year's MitB match (despite the fact that this ladder match for a guaranteed title shot has pretty been both man's WrestleMania home for the past several years). Throw in the fact that tonight's non-match between Matt and Jeff virtually assures us that BOTH high-flying Hardys will be slated for singles competition at WrestleMania 25, and you've adding two additional performers with loads of Ladder Match experience to the list of those who won't be taking part in this year's Money in the Bank contest on the same night. To top it all off? Two weeks ago on RAW, the similarly high-flying John Morrison was likewise denied inclusion into this year's Money In the Bank match, while tonight's tag team showdown (complete with the teased Bella Twin romantic misgivings to close out the segment) leads one to believe that fellow MitB veteran Carlito could still have plenty of unfinished business to attend to with John Morrison & company that *doesn't* involve competing in a Ladder Match, as the score between both sets of tag champions may not in fact be as settled as we once thought. And so if Shelton, MVP, Morrison, Miz, Jeff, Matt and Carlito are *out* of the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, while Mark Henry, Kane and CM Punk are *in* (and Umaga and Kozlov currently wait with nothing else to do)...

Just sayin, is all.

The main event of the evening saw The Big Show defeat John Cena with a knockout punch to the skull thanks to a handy bit of ringside distraction from Edge. A lot of folks have already begun to sour on The Big Show's seemingly needless inclusion into the brimming WrestleMania bout between Edge and John Cena. I'd beg to differ, however -- and argue that Show probably has an even MORE legitimate claim to a number one contender's shot than even the former World Champion. While Show's relationship with the World Champion has been stitled (at best) for several months now, the fact is that his onscreen rivalry with The Rated R Superstar has been receiving a good, slow-burn and a slew of television time since late last year. Moreover, this (largely) clean defeat of the man who had previously laid rightful claim to the number one contender's crown gives The Big Show plenty of (kayfabe) momentum to challenge the World Champion for a title shot of his own. Frankly, while we internet types may not be salivating at the prospect of a Show/Edge WrestleMania main event (or even a Show/Cena/Edge three-way-dance), the simple fact of the matter is that the longest running Smackdown! storyline to date has actually been building to an in-ring blowoff between Edge and The Big Show, and NOT between Edge and John Cena.

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RAW (air date: March 2, 2009) was a mixed bag this week, as it answered some of the most important questions leading up to this year's WrestleMania while at the same time managing to pose a few new questions all the same.

Jerry Lawler opened the show to announce that interim RAW General Manager Vickie Guerrero had finally ceded to John Cena's request for a World Heavyweight Championship rematch, and that the former champ would be taking on Edge in the main event of the evening. I should start out by saying that any rumors of a possible Jericho/Lawler WrestleMania blowoff should probably be put to rest with segments such as this one. When a Hall of Famer's self-admitted "biggest moment" in your show's history is merely ANNOUNCING that a championship match would take place later in the night? You're not exactly looking at the "A"-List of certifiable legends in Hall of Fame Talent (because seriously, could you imagine Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan or even Roddy Piper claiming that it was the single "biggest" deal of his RAW career to merely make mention of a title match he wouldn't even be personally involved with? Not exactly a ringing endorsement of one's own in-ring career on RAW, wouldn't you agree?)

Speaking of legends, however --

Chris Jericho commandeered the set of Roddy Piper's classic 1980's interview segment, "Piper's Pit" in order to continue this week's tirade against WWE's previous generation of so-called "legends" who simply can't seem to say goodbye to their time in the spotlight. This week's victim was Jimmy Snuka, whom Jericho berated Snuka for his unwillingness to retire, and threatened to assault the WWE Hall of Famer in the same fashion that Piper once had done courtesy of a coconut shot to the skull nearly twenty years ago. Snuka managed to snag the fruit from his would-be-assailant, which forced Jericho to flee from the set long enough to allow the Polynesian superstar the chance to soak in the cheers of the audience in live attendance. To the surprise of absolutely NO ONE (save maybe Snuka, of course), Jericho quickly returned with a vengeance -- toppling the cardboard set over onto Snuka's back before cracking a support beam over the fallen Hall of Famer's back to close out the segment.

Did You Know: Your dad is Jimmy Snuka. The WWE Hall of Famer adopted you as a child and raised you as his own, and has shown you nothing but love and support throughout your entire life. Did you also know that this same adoptive father is currently getting his ASS handed to him and being absolutely humilated on national television thanks to a blindside attack from a man almost thirty years his junior? MAN, that's gotta hurt the old family pride, no? Now if only you were a TRAINED PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER working for the EXACT SAME SHOW that your dad was getting beat up on. Man, IF ONLY you were there to save your old man and score a small measure of revenge...

The opening bout of the evening was the second qualifying match for this year's Money in the Bank Ladder Match at WrestleMania 25. As was the case with the first qualifying bout, this week's match was contested under triple threat rules, and saw Kane emerging victorious to claim the number two entrant's slot in a match that also featured Rey Mysterio and Mike Knox. In addition to making him the second qualifier for this year's match, this will also mark Kane's second appearance in a Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania.

Backstage, Shawn Michaels maintained confidence going into his scheduled bout against Vladimir Kozlov, with the winner of the bout earning the right to challenge The Undertaker at WrestleMania 25. Later in the show, Michaels' confidence paid off, as he scored a clean pinfall victory over The Moscow Mauler, making him the first man to accomplish such a feat in singles competition since Kozlov's debut. Michaels now heads to WrestleMania to try and accomplish the impossible by felling The Phenom on The Grandest Stage of Them All.

Did You Know: Even if Shawn Michaels *does* manage to lose to The Undertaker at WrestleMania (no shame in that), Michael Cole is probably misleading fans a bit when he questions whether or not HBK will become The Dead Man's "seventeenth" victim at The Showcase of the Immortals. Technically speaking, Shawn would be the eighteenth victim of The Dead Man at WrestleMania, as The Undertaker has actually felled seventeen other opponents at WrestleMania already (thanks to a two-on-one handicap match at WM 19). Technically speaking, however, Cole is probably righter than not -- as the unique names of The Undertaker's victims only add up to 16 different men thus far, as he *did* compete against Kane at two separate WrestleMania events.

Elsewhere on RAW, divas action threw the women's division into complete disarray as the team of Mickie James and Kelly Kelly picked up a victory over Beth Phoenix and Jillian Hall. After the match, Rosa Mendez hit the ring to give the heel tandem a numbers advantage. When Women's Champion Melina attempted to even the odds, she was ambushed by Smackdown's Divas Champion Maryse -- closing the segment with two separate beatdowns involving more than a half-dozen of WWE's top female performers. Though one might have believed that this would lead to a one-on-one women's match at WrestleMania between Maryse and Melina, that contest now appears unlikely, as both competitors appear to be headed for inclusion in a 25 Diva WrestleMania Battle Royal, which was announced this week on WWE.com to commemorate the 25th annual WrestleMania card.

In the next segment, Randy Orton took the ring to announce which championship belt he'd be competing for at WrestleMania 25. Flanked by his team of lawyers and physicians, as well as arena security and his Legacy stablemates in Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes, The Legend Killer surprised audiences by announcing that he'd be challenging at WrestleMania for the World Heavyweight Championship currently held by Edge. Orton explained that he would not be facing Triple H as many fans would have otherwise thought, because he had decided to press charges against the WWE Champion after last week's attempted assault. This attracted the attention of The Game himself, who immediately made his way to the ring to confront Orton regarding both the charges and the challenge.

The Cerebral Assasin earned his nickname in the segment that followed, as he managed not only to convince Orton *not* to have him arrested (well done, Hunter!), but he also managed to sway Orton's decision to challenge for the WWE Championship instead -- arguing that The Legend Killer simply couldn't live with the lingering questions if he failed to sieze his best opportunity at destroying both the last remaining member of the McMahon family AND his former mentor in Evolution in one fell swoop. Orton agreed to Triple H's challenge, but stipulated that there could be no physical contact between the two men until WrestleMania unless Orton himself instigated it. Begrudingly, Triple H agreed -- only to be forced to endure one last insult from Orton directed at his wife. In true "ALL ABOUT THE GAME" fashion, Hunter closed the segment by getting the last word in for the night -- promising to break Orton's neck at WrestleMania in what was (for my money) easily the single best promo to set up a WrestleMania main event since Hulkster mockingly wished The Rock good luck (only to have Rocky flip things around and tell Hogan he was "gonna' need it, brother" and slap him with a Rock Bottom prior to WM 18).

Did You Know: If he's serious about getting revenge on Orton this year at WrestleMania, Triple H had better hope that he fares better this year than he has the last few times he's made it to The Big Dance. The Game has lost each of his matches in the past four WrestleMania cards on which he has appeared (WM 20 to Chris Benoit, WM 21 to Batista, WM22 to John Cena and WM 24 to Randy Orton). He's also winless in Triple Threats at WrestleMania, whereas Orton is 1-1 in similar outings.

The main event contest of the evening saw Edge retaining his World Heavyweight Championship over John Cena when the Rated R Superstar intentionally drew a disqualification loss by hitting Cena with the championship belt. After the match, interim RAW General Manager Vickie Guerrero announced that the number one contender to face Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship title at WrestleMania 25 would be The Big Show, who had previously scored a pinfall victory over Cena just three nights earlier. Say what you will about Show's ability to draw, but the guy certainly has a viable (kayfabe) claim for the World Heavyweight Championship, ya' know. As the show closed, both Edge and Cena appeared shocked and dismayed at this latest turn of events, which now appear to leave Cena on the outside looking in as two other superstars do battle for the belt that has (in recent tradition, at least) been RAW's highest prize. And contrary to popular misconception, WWE.com has already begun promoting a one-on-one encounter between Edge and The Big Show as scheduled to take place on this year's WrestleMania card.

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ECW on SciFi (air date: March 3, 2009) added a new participant to the WrestleMania fold and witnessed the end of an era, as a giant made his way into a bout for a guaranteed title shot, while one of the brand's most polarizing performers competed in his last match as a contracted talent with World Wrestling Entertainment.

ECW opened with a one-on-one encounter between Kane and The Boogeyman, and The Big Red Machine scored a quick and decisive pinfall victory over the worm-eater in a match that would go on to become The Boogeyman's last with World Wrestling Entertainment. Barring his two-week firing in 2006, The Boogeyman's WWE tenure lasted just about 39 months. During that time, The Boogeyman has only competed in 33 televised matches.

One-sided bouts continued in the next segment. In a qualifying match for this year's Money In the Bank Ladder Match that followed, Santino Marella was soundly defeated by Mark Henry, who earned the third slot in the eight-man Ladder Match at this year's event. Suddenly, with the inclusion of Kane and Mark Henry and the *failure to qualify* from Miz, Morrison, Mysterio and Marella (say THAT ten times fast), WrestleMania's typically high-flying spotfest seems to be getting a whole lot bigger. To balance things out, Evan Bourne seems like a likely candidate for inclusion in this year's WrestleMania ladder match -- but for as flashy as his offense may well be, one can't help but wonder if he's anywhere NEAR a credible threat to a heavyweight championship even if he can manage to luck away with a win. Hate all you will about Henry and Kane making this year's contest, but the simple fact of the matter is that *either* man would make for a FAR more credible challenger for a top title at this stage in their career than such past Money in the Bank participants as the ever-talented (but nowhere NEAR credible) high flyers like Shelton Benjamin and Carlito.

Did You Know: Standard grade one-sided aluminum step ladders typically can hold up to 300 pounds at a given time. While it's virtually impossible for outsiders to verify the specs of custom-made designs, it's probably a fair comparison to note that two-sided heavy-duty aluminum ladders similar to the the ones used in a WWE ring have been rated to hold up to 375 pounds. According to WWE canon, Mark Henry's billed weight is currently 380 pounds.

Following a hype video announcing the upcoming return of Evan Bourne (who is reported to have received medical clearance to return to the ring) and a brief video segment touting the success of The Miz and John Morrison and "The Dirt Sheet" ...

Natalya Neidhart (with Tyson Kidd) defeated Alicia Fox (with DJ Gabriel). After the match, Kidd attempted to attack Gabriel, but was caught offguard by the dancing newcomer (who's apparently supposed to be a FACE now?) who managed to leave with the upper hand. Kidd and Gabriel now appear to be headed to a one-on-one program, perhaps as early as next week's broadcast.

In the main event of the night, the heelish trifecta of Jack Swagger, John Morrison and The Miz scored a pinfall victory over the babyface trio of Tommy Dreamer, Christian, and Finlay. The finish saw Swagger picking up a pin on The Instant Classic, which now ties the series between the two men with two pins over the other apiece. Presumably, the score between Christian and Swagger is far from settled, leading one to believe that ECW's best chance at a one-on-one WrestleMania encounter could end up being a rubber match between these two superstars. Given the relatively high benchmark of quality from their outing on last week's broadcast, its pretty clear that these two men can really go if given the opportunity. Not to get ahead of ourselves here -- but if we end up with WrestleMania matches between:

Swagger versus Christian
Matt versus Jeff
The Colons versus Miz and Morrison
MVP versus Shelton

... and ...

Shawn Michaels versus The Undertaker

We might well be looking at one of the strongest WrestleMania undercards in history. And this is to say nothing of the proposed Jericho/Legend match, the nostalgia-happy Divas rumble, the spotfest-heavy Money in The Bank, and EITHER of the show's hotly anticipated main events. While any one of the show's individual bouts has probably been seen and done before, and thus it may lack a bit of "dream match" star power in the eyes of the casual observer, we've seen some real promise from these undercard performers in recent weeks. So there's actually a pretty good chance that anywhere from three to four of the matches on the card could actually end up being certifiable ****+ classics, given the performers involved and the proper amount of time to tell a story.


And With That, I'm Outta' Here

That'll do it for Mee this week. I'll be back in seven with a slew of newThinks and observations on the week that was. But until then, keep an eye on the ever-changing landscape as we head down the home stretch on the Road to WrestleMania, and always stay positive.

- Meehan