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Posted by Ryan Byers on 01.18.2010

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· Jon Heder and Don Johnson host the show
· The Undertaker will appear and answer the challenge of Shawn Michaels.
· The Royal Rumble is two weeks away, who will be entered into the big match?
· Vince McMahon announced that Bret Hart was banned from WWE, but will that keep Bret away from Raw?

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We are LIVE from Knoxville, Tennessee, the former home of Jim Cornette's Smoky Mountain Wrestling.

A Martin Luther King, Jr. video package opens the show. Long live the dream.

Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler run down the card. Kofi Kingston & John Cena will take on Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr. and Don Johnson & John Heder will be joining us as guest hosts.

"No Chance in Hell" brings out WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. Footage of of Vince kicking Bret Hart low from two weeks ago is shown, and Cole informs us that, last week, McMahon barred the Hitman from ever appearing in WWE again.

Mr. McMahon gets on the mic and refers to Knoxville as a "god foresaken community." He says that his decision to eliminate Bret from WWE was for the best interest of the fans. They want to remember him as he was and not as he is, namely an apologetic, broken down warhorse. Light "We Want Bret" chants are starting up. McMahon compares Calgary's favorite son to an old, flavorless wad of gum that you spit out when you're done with it. (If you're Mr. Perfect, you spit it in to the air and then slap it with your hand.) Vince claims that, if Hart were allowed to stay, he would have been like a disease that slowly spread and poisoned WWE until the infected parts of the body had to be chopped off.

McMahon then tries to turn things around on the fans by saying that they got rid of Hart through their constant desire for bigger and faster action, but he's interrupted by . . . THE UNDERTAKER'S DONG!

The Dead Man enters the ring to "Taker" chants. Vince tells the World Heavyweight Champion that he was not quite finished with his speech. UT cuts him off, however, and he informs McMahon that this is his time. (Yo, Dunn, keep your finger off the switch.) The Undertaker states that he came to address Shawn Michaels, but, since Vince is around, he has words for him as well. Taker says that he's one of the few guys who was around at the '97 Survivor Series in Montreal and saw the screwjob. He saw that Vince was afraid then, and he sees that Vince is afraid now. McMahon screwed Bret Hart according to UT, not once, but twice. Taker also claims that McMahon is terrified of the consequences of screwing Bret for the second time and that he should be terrified of those consequences.

Vince politely disagrees with the zombie but sheepishly departs the ring nonetheless.

The Undertaker, free of the Chairman, says that McMahon and Shawn Michaels are similar in that they are both stubborn. HBK may have proved he was Mr. Wrestlemania last year, but he did not break the streak. Taker acknowledges the fact that Shawn wants a rematch at this year's 'Mania, and he says that he is here to deliver his answer . . .

. . . and HERE COMES MICHAELS!

We get some token "HBK" chants from the fans, after which the Sexy Boy tells the Undertaker that he's ready for the World Champ's answer. Taker admits that Michaels was closer than anybody else to ending the streak, but he still failed, and a rematch this year would lead to same result. UT says that he has nothing to prove and that his answer is no. However, he does give Michaels the opportunity to face him . . . tonight. Michaels says no this time around, saying that, if he's going to beat the Undertaker, it's going to be at Wrestlemania. HBK says he realizes what he has to do now. He has to enter the Royal Rumble, win it, and then challenge the Undertaker for his World Heavyweight Title.

The WWE Slam of the Week is Legacy interfering in last week's triple threat match for the number one contendership. Kofi screwing up the finish and Orton calling him "Stupid, stupid, STUPID is edited out.

WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne

The two men circle one another, and it's not long before Sheamus just picks up Bourne and bulls him back into the corner. The Irishman unloads with strikes and a clothesline as Randy Orton makes his way down the aisle. The high flyer scores with some kicks and a leaping knee strike when Sheamus is distracted by Orton, and he even manages to score a two count off of his top rope double knee strike. Sheamus is quick to respond with his uranagi-style backbreaker, though. That is followed immediately with the bicycle kick, which sets up the Razor's Edge to end the match.

Winner: Sheamus

After the bell, Randy Orton enters the ring. The champion and the number one contender stare each other down and Sheamus retrieves his belt from the ringboy, holding it up in Orton's face before leaving the ring.

Triple H and Shawn Micahels meet backstage, but they don't have time to banter because Don Johnson approaches them. He's looking for his co-host John Heder. HBK says that he doesn't know who Heder is, but he'll keep an eye out anyway. HHH says that he'll talk to his partner later, and HBK wanders off. Johnson and Trips continue to talk, alluding to an "incident" that occurred between Heder and the H's in the past. Johnson thinks that he sees Heder and walks up to him . . . but it's just Carlito Colon, who is dressed up as Napoleon Dynamite. Don asks Colon if he's a fan of the movie, but Carlito says he's never seen it.

Jack Swagger is entering the ring, which gives Cole and King an opening to throw to the segment last week in which he was thrown over the top rope in an impromptu micro-battle royale by Santino Marella.

Swagger has the microphone, and he claims that last week was a fluke. He also says the word "American" a lot. He issues another challenge to Santino for the same type of match as last week. Marella joins us, dressed as Miami Vice era Don Johnson. He says that he would love to take out Swagger again, but his position as the Italian Don Johnson Fan Club will not allow him to do it. However, he does have a substitute . . .

Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry in a two-man battle royale

Cole states that, in addition to Swagger, Henry and Santino are both in the Royal Rumble match. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler, and CM Punk also have their names reeled off as entrants.

Swagger goes behind Henry early and hits some forearms to the back, but the World's Strongest man shoves him into the ropes and military presses him. He tosses the All American over the top, and Swagger is now 0-2 in these challenges.

Winner: Mark Henry

A limo pulls up backstage. John Heder exits with the Bella Twins and tells somebody else in the car that he should stay put until he's called for. Hmmm . . .

Did You Know: More than half of the Royal Rumble match winners have gone on to win the title at Wrestlemania.

Justin Roberts introduces Don Johnson and Jon Heder when the show returns from commercial. They come out with the Bella Twins. Johnson is dressed to the nines and Heder looks like he just came from a Nirvana concert fifteen years ago. Heder says that the fans love seeing move stars and yells "Let's hear it for MOVIES!" The crowd boos. Johnson tells us that D-Generation X will be in the main event tonight . . . but Heder isn't feeling it. Heder says something about sports to get heel heat, but I don't get it. He also decides that he's going to bring out somebody who he believes is awesome, his close personal friend: The Miz.

Miz is out, and he thanks John Heder for entering him into the Royal Rumble match. He also says that he got a text earlier today which said that Triple H wanted Don Johnson to host Raw solo. In an AWESOME moment, Don claims that Miami Vice made more money than any of Heder's movies. Miz tries to make a point about how Johnson was the star of that show but that nobody remembers Tubs, the guy who rode his coattails. Miz attempts to compare Tubs to MVP, even though Johnson tries to defend Tubs by claiming everybody loves him. Tubs gets a pop. This segment is dying a slow death.

Montel Porter is out. He apologizes to Don Johnson and the WWE Universe for having to listen to the Miz and Jon Heder. Thank you, MVP. Apology accepted. Porter tells us that he's officially entered into the Royal Rumble but that he's going to get an early start by throwing both Miz and Heder out of the ring right now. Then . . . the Big Show's music hits?

Porter gets a few shots in at Miz, but Big Show walks up and takes MVP out with his big right hand. Heder explains that he and Show have the same agent, so he brought him out as an insurance policy. Heder wants to celebrate the KO with Johnson, Miz, and Show, but Don wants no part of it. Heder says that he has a good feeling about Miz and Show and makes them into a tag team, booking them against DX later on tonight. Heder jumps into Show's arms and kisses him on the cheek as the segment ends.

WWE and AmeriCares are asking you to donate $10.00 to Haitian earthquake relief by texting "LIVE" to 25383.

John Cena & Kofi Kingson vs. Ted DiBiase, Jr. & Cody Rhodes

As Kofi and Cena enter, the announcers inform us that they will both be involved in the Royal Rumble match.

While airing a replay of Legacy's attack on Orton and Kofi last week, Jerry Lawler accidentally refers to Randy Orton as "Randy Savage." Whoopsies.

Rhodes and Cena start the match with a lockup, and the former WWE Champ hiptosses his opponent effortlessly. DiBiase tags in, and Cena catches him with a big right head to set up an Irish whip and a bulldog for two. Marine 2 kicks Marine 1in the face when he tries for a back body drop, and Cody Rhodes tags in for some stomp-and-punch based offense. DiBiase chokes out Cena in the corner while Cody distracts the referee, and it allows the Son of the Son of a Plumber to get a nearfall. DiBiase is back in the match for his team now, pounding away at Cena's head and suckering him into a chest-first bump on the turnbuckles. DiBiase catches him with a lariat off of that and lands a couple of Jerry Lawler-esque fistdrops, but Cena slips away and tags in Kofi Kingston. The Ghanaian dispatches both Legacy members with clotheslines and dropkicks, and he even lands the Boom Drop on DiBiase. Teddy avoids the Trouble in Paradise but gets backed into the corner for a few punches. Rhodes provides a distraction, which allows DiBiase to hit a clothesline to get the advantage back for his team right as we go to commercial.

Legacy is still in control after the ad break, as Cody gives Kofi a dropkick to the kisser for a two count. The former fakin' Jamaican reels off a few right hands, but DiBiase reaches in from the apron to cut him off, setting up a Kofi slam. Rhodes tries to drop a knee, but Kingston rolls out of the way. DiBiase is in as well, but he misses a blind charge into the corner. Cody tags back in, and he runs over to knock Cena off of the apron before pulling the face in peril back to the bad guys' corner. DiBiase reenters the match for some double teaming and a chinlock, shades of his mentor Randy Orton. Kofi tries to bust out with a jawbreaker, but DiBiase cuts him off seconds before he can make the tag. A back suplex reversal gets Kingston out of the hold for a second time, and NOW he gets the tag.

Cena shoulderblocks the hell out of Rhodes and gives him the blue thunder driver, followed by the five knuckle shuffle. Cody is put in the fireman's carry but elbows out of it and hits a side Russian legsweep for two. Rhodes looks for a bulldog but is shoved off and FU'ed for TWO as DiBiase saves. Kofi tags back into the ring and heads up to the top, giving Rhodes a high cross and scoring the decisive pinfall.

Winners: John Cena & Kofi Kingston (Kingston pins Rhodes)

Miz, Big Show, and Jon Heder are backstage. Hornswoggle approaches them and speaks in his gibberish. They can't understand the lil feller, but Triple H is there to translate. Trips says he and Horny don't much care for Heder and that the small man is challenging Napoleon to a match tonight. Heder refuses, so HHH suggests that the previously booked tag team match turn into a six man, with 'Swoggle and Heder being added to the face and heel teams, respectively. Big Show promises that he will get Jon some "sweet gear" made.

The WWE Rewind, brought to you by Pizza Hut, is Maryse burying the Eve vs. Katie Lea Burchill match from last week.

Maryse Oullet & Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim & Eve Torres

We are informed that the semi-finals of the Divas Titles tournament will be held in "coming weeks" on Raw. For now, we have a tag match.

Gail and Maryse start, with Kim getting a quick schoolgirl for two and heading up top for a missile dropkick. It also gets two. Kim attempts to run the ropes, but Fox cuts her off . . . sort of. Alicia was out of position on that one. Maryse, in theory, throws a forearm that knocks Gail out of the ring. She missed, but Kim took the bump out to the floor anyway. When the former Knockouts Champ gets back in between the ropes, Maryse hits a backbreaker and tags in Alicia. She hits a backbreaker as well, getting a two count. Fox misses her axe kick, allowing Kim to tag in Eve. Alicia is hobbling around the ring, and Cole says something about a possible hamstring pull. Torres misses a dropkick by a mile and follows it up with a rolling senton. Eve then does a really convoluted spot in which she takes Alicia over to the corner, climbs up on to the turnbuckle, and rolls forward into what I think is supposed to be a cross armbreaker to score the submission.

Early contender for worst match of the year.

Winners: Gail Kim & Eve Torres

Footage hyping up Steve Austin's guest spot on NBC's Chuck next week is shown.

Don Johnson is flirting with Kelly Kelly backstage. Jon Heder walks into the shot, breathing into a paper bag. He doesn't want to wrestle and tries to convince Don to take his place in the match. Miz and Show appear and attempt to convince Heder that they'll have no problem tonight. Johnson is less optimistic and tells Heder that this is all a mistake . . . actors have stunt men for a reason. Miz and Show present Heder with a Ric Flair-esque ring jacket, which has "The Flame" embroidered on it in sequined letters.

King and Cole run down the Royal Rumble lineup. It's the Undertaker vs. Rey Misterio, Sheamus vs. Randy Orton, and the Royal Rumble match itself.

Triple H and Vince McMahon are backstage. McMahon is voicing his displeasure over the Undertaker calling him a coward and contemplates calling UT out next week. Trips says the whole McMahon family has a problem with letting things go and that Vince backed himself into a corner. He says that, if McMahon brings the Hitman back, all he's doing is making him a bigger star. Shawn Michaels walks up at this point and reminds HHH that there's something he wanted to tell him earlier. Hornswoggle interrupts, and they put it off until later. Hunter gives Horny a piggy back ride down the hall.

Randy Orton is WALKING.

Randy Orton vs. Chris Masters w/ Eve Torres

I want to see Masters attempt Eve's new finisher on Orton.

Sheamus decides that's what is good for the goose is good for the gander, as he comes out to the ringside area as soon as the bell rings. Orton and Masters lock up and Masters shoots Orton off of the ropes, hitting him with a shoulderblock. Orton fires back with European uppercuts, and Masters tries to reverse one of them into a Masterlock in a neat spot. Orton escapes, but the Masterpiece reels off a scoop slam and sends his opponent into the ropes. The third generation star reverses the whip and hits his backbreaker, then setting up for the RKO. Masters avoids it, though, and he locks in the Masterlock! Jerry Lawler tries to claim that he's never seen anybody break this hold. Hogwash. Orton stays in the hold for a VERY long time and begins to fade, but he ultimately falls forward and gets into the ropes to force a break of the hold. Masters tries to reapply it, but the Legend Killer grabs Masters' head without even looking and hits an RKO for the victory.

Winner: Randy Orton

The second that Orton is declared the victor, Sheamus runs into the ring and lays him out with the bicycle kick.

Next week, James Roday and Dule Hill of USA's original series Psych are our guest hosts.

The Big Show, The Miz, & Jon Heder vs. Shawn Michaels, Triple H, & Hornswoggle

Heder, dressed in his "Flame" robe is announced as hailing from the "Great Ball of Fire."

We go to a commercial break after the entrances, and, when we return, Shawn Michaels is hitting a flying forearm on the Miz. The two of them proceed to botch up Christian's old inverted DDT onto the knee spot, though Miz eventually hits it. He stomps away on HBK and tags in the Big Show. Show hits some body shots and a headbutt to Michaels, following those up with a sidewalk slam for a two count. The Giant stands on his smaller opponent's chest for a bit and tags in Miz. It is revealed that Don Johnson is at ringside as Miz gives Michaels a running boot and follows it with a kneelift in the corner. HBK responds with chops but gets Irish whipped into the corner. The two wrestlers simultaneously clothesline one another, and Hornswoggle tags himself in. He dropkicks Miz right in the head but gets clotheslined down, which sets up the tag to Heder. He finall takes off his Flame robe, revealing matching tights. He boots Horny in the head but misses a charge in the corner and gets bitten on the backside. Triple H tags in and Napoleon tries to bail, but Don Johnson cuts him off and throws him back into the ring. Big Show intervenes and tries to chokeslam HHH, but Shawn superkicks Show, who falls right down onto Heder. Michaels kicks Miz's teeth in as well, and Hornswoggle gives Heder the tadpole splash to win the match for his team.

Winners: D-Generation X & Hornswoggle

After the match, Triple H finally gets to his serious talk with Shawn. Trips says that Michaels needs to think of another way to get his match with his Undertaker. Going after the championship won't work according to Hunter. . . but, before he can say why, John Cena's music invervenes and West Newbury's favorite son hits the ring. Cena says he has a major announcement of his own, and it's that he is throwing his trucker hat into the ring for the first time in two years. He makes sure to remind us that he won the match the last time that he was in it and states that he will do it again.

Show, still groggy from the superkick and covered in a few of the feathers from the Flame's robe, says that he has news as well. He's ALSO entering the Royal Rumble. He claims that it is designed for a giant and then attacks all three babyfaces. He knocks DX down rather easily, but Cena fires back on him and knocks him out under the bottom rope. DX recouperate, however, and they team up to toss Cena from the ring. Then, out of nowhere, Triple H grabs Michaels and thorws him out of the ring over the top rope, finally announcing that HE will be the winner of the Royal Rumble this year.

The show closes on that.