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Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: Randy Orton
World Champion: John Cena
US Champion: The Shield’s Dean Ambrose
IC Champion: Big E. Langston
Unified Diva’s Champion: AJ Lee
WWE World Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes and Goldust
Another Monday, y’all! No time to waste with stories of my life, let’s get to the wrasslin!
We open the show with CM Punk! He’s all hoodied out and ready to talk. We get a recap of last week when The Shield went all buckwild on dat azz. Cole wants to know who was responsible. Punk name drops then says he realized something. He’s in denial. He realizes that The Authority may very well be a part of this, and if he’s wrong, then so be it but man if he is right then Steph and Trips are all kinds of dumb.
This calls Steph to the ramp. She wants to hope we all had a great Thanksgiving. Punk says she doesn’t care about his Thanksgiving. Steph says oh yes she does, and says her family is a big backer of fre speech. For Punk to think that they had The Shield attack him simply because he called Trips a bad name? That’s beneath them. She must stop projecting their values onto Punk because clearly Punk hasn’t grown up. It’s much easier for Punk to point the finger at The Authority rather than upset The Shield. She was just as upset about The Shield’s attack as he was. Steph says they have bigger things to deal with, in particular the contract signing for the WWE Championship contract signing. She says she is fair, though, and if he has any other grievances or comments, he may address them with the Director of Operations, Kane.
Kane’s got the purple tie swag and some evenly grown hair. He is here to ensure that the WWE is run smoothly. Kane uses some ‘behind the desk’ jargon to essentially tell Punk that it wasn’t The Authority who did that so bam. Punk wants to know when Kane became the Big Red Ass-Kisser. Kane says that Punk should not take this lightly. Punk says not to patronize him. Kane says that “we” are not the enemy and this is not a path he would recommend going down. Punk says how about he goes down another one, then. Since it’s obvious Kane sold out, why doesn’t he walk down this path and get knocked out by Punk. OR! He can be made to go to sleep. Kane is ready to get down, as he unbuttons his suit, but Steph stops him. Kane composes himself and….
The music of The Shield hits!!
Steph feins surprise as Punk grabs a chair. Steph and Kane standby. Steph tells The Shield to stop. She will not have a repeat of last week. CM Punk is to be respected and admired. She does a nod that says, “Yeah.” Kane is here, says that he will be respected, admired…and challenged. At TLC, CM Punk will be in a handicap match against all three members of The Shield. So…there’s that.
WWE is now officially calling the match between Cena and Orton an “undisputed” Championship match, and Cole confirms that there is a guarantee that the title will be one. They even have a poll for the name.
The Unified Champion
The Undisputed WWE Champion
The Undisputed World Champion
The Jericho Did it Better Champion
We are BACK, and Sandow is in the ring promising us that he will go on to beat Dolph and face Big E for the IC Title. Big E is ringside with his belt and a shirt that is just as shiny.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow
Kick from Sandow to start. Dolph gets a rollup for 1 then hits a dropkick and a pin for 2. Sandow with a whip, but Dolph comes flyin back with a clothesline. He goes for a quick Zig Zag but Damien holds onto the ropes and slides to the outside. Baseball slide from Dolph as Langston claims they had a Skip-It contest. Sandow sends Ziggler into the steps face first. Rolls Dolph in the ring then pins for 1…2..NO! Sandow with the rights and scrapes the head of Dolph on the mat. Stomp to the head then a knee to the chest. A few more is followed by the Side Russian and an elbow of Disdain, brah. Pin for 1…2…NO! Sandow sends Ziggler into the corner, downed, and pulls out a moonsault! It looks pretty sweet, but he misses. Dolph with a DDT to Sandow! He falls into a pin for 1…2..NO! Both men up. Sandow runs for a clotheslnie in the corner, but Dolph moves and hits the corner. He flies and mounts for some punches then a neckbreaker. Pin for 1…2..NO! Dolph hits the ropes. Goes up, Sandow has him seated on the shoulders. Dolph rolls over and pins for 1…2..NO! Sandow is up, hits the ropes, misses a neckbreaker, and Dolph hits a Fameasser! Pin for 1…2..NO!
Dolph goes up top, but Sandow trips him up and knocks him down! Sandow with the You’re Welcome! Pin! 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Damien Sandow
I feel like this thing started off so hot and looked great, ready to be the best of their most recent matches, but got cut short. That finisher doesn’t seem impactful enough for some reason.
RATING: **1/2
We return to…AJ!!!! Apparently, we’re getting a six-person tag. Meh. AJ is taking her time skipping around the ring.
Tamina and the bigger breasted Bella, Nikki to start. AJ is still skipping. Lockup to start, but Tamina overpowers and pushes Nikki away. Nikki pushes back then slaps Tamina. Tamina pushes harder, misses a backhand, then misses another, and Nikki locks the arms and gets a crucifix pin. Nikki with a dropkick to the knee. Tag to Brie. Brie jumps off the second rope for a dropkick then hits a running knee to the seated Tamina. Brie runs to the corner, Tamina hops up and grabs, Snake Eyes!! Tamina pins Brie for 1…2…NO! AJ is still skipping, as the fans call her crazy. Tamina pulls the hair, Brie blocks, Tamina with a headbutt and another, and one more hard one! Tamina tags in Summer Rae. Summer chokes Brie up on the apron with her leg, and does a stretch then bumps her ass in the face of Brie. Summer looks super hot in Denver colors. Pin for 1…2..NO! Summer sends Brie into the corner, tags in Tamina, and holds Brie for Tamina to kick. Tamina chokes Brie up then tags in Summer Rae. Summer does the Stacy choke in the corner then does a quick dance. Brie with a quick kick and a back elbow. Summer stops Brie from tagging by trying to pin. They roll around a bit and mess up, but recover with a pin from Summer. 1…2…NO! Summer with a weird move that gets a 1…2..NO! Brie is able to tag Natalya up and she comes in clotheslining Summer then knocking Tamina off. Natalya runs right into the turnbuckle and Summer reaches for a tag, but no one is there! AJ is able to hop on the apron and get a tag.
AJ’s in, and Nattie just trips her up to lock in the Sharpshooter. Tamina breaks it, so the twins come in and double dropkick Tamina out of the ring. AJ screams and Natalya surprise rolls her up for a pin. 1…2..3!!
Official Result: Natalya and The Bella Twins
Not too shabby, not too great.
RATING: ****1/2
AJ is distraught in the ring, and has a cray cray look on her face. Summer checks on her as AJ stands up, looks awkwardly, then grabs her title and skips away with a smile.
We return to….Bad News Barrett. Well then. He’s at a lectern by the announce table. He has good news and bad news. The good news is, we are at Monday Night RAW. The bad news is, we are stuck in an arena of hillbillies and fat people who named their city after their state just that they could remember it. That is all… #badnewsbarrett
Backstage, Orton is with Maddox, and is glad that he’s back. Orton is sorry he’s not too sympathetic towards him and his injuries, but Orton needs him to do something for him: Orton wants him to tell The Authority that he wants them to say he is the best champion evar and tell them that he is bigger than the WWE itself. #runtelldat
After the last two “Don’t Do Drugs” segments, we get the music of Daniel Bryan!! So, did they just have a cup of tea with the dude and let him go?
I feel the Wyatt’s pre-music moment sounds like someone cut off R-Truth. The lights go out, and when they go back on, both Wyatts are in the ring. King mentions Bryan’s disappearance and that he has not given any notice as to what happened, only that he was left in a parking lot after RAW last week.
Rowan gets sent in the corner and Bryan kicks once, but Rowan stalks him for a hard blow to the back. Whip to Bryan then a chest check from Rowan. Rowan sends Bryan into the corner. Bryan tries to kick out of the corner, but Rowan gives him a club to the back. Bryan ducks a clothesline, another, hits some elbows, some kicks. Ducks another clothesline. Bryan locks in the sleeper. Bryan’s back is really red, Rowan must not hold back on those forearms. Bryan looks to have a good hold but Rowan hits a snapmare. Rowan sends Bryan into the corner, runs..right into a boot. Bryan sends him to the adjacent corner then hits some kicks. He starts kicking the arm then attempts the Yes Lock. Rowan is able to prevent it and hit a body slam. Bryan is up with the kicks. The crowd still loves him. He tries for the Yes Lock! Nearly locks it in, but Rowan gets to the ropes. Bryan with some right hadns. He’s takin it to Rowan, but Rowan hits a knee to the gut. Rowan sends Bryan to the outside, then follows. Rowan is too slow, though, because Bryan is back in the ring, then hits a dropkick. Bryan looks to suicide dive, but Rowan catches him! He nearly drops him but recovers well, then just tosses Bryan sideways into the barricade!!
We’re back, and Rowan has Bryan’s head cinched between his big ol claws. He turns it around and hits a body slam then launches an elbow to the back of the seated Bryan. Rowan with a bearhug from behind on Bryan. Bryan fights out with some elbows. He hits the ropes and is met with a hard clothesline. Bryan rolls to the outside. Here’s Harper, walking all weird-like on the outside towards Bryan. He points to him, as Bryan stands. He is sent into the steps by Rowan. The ref is to 5 now. Rowan sends him to the inside, and follows. Cover for 1…2..NO! Rowan sends Bryan into the corner, then runs into a drop toe hold. Bryan with a hard kick. He hits the corner. Big Dropkick. He goes for another, and runs right into an elbow. Rowan kicks Bryan while he’s down. Another kick sends Bryan hanging over the bottom rope. Rowan wants another kick, and gets it! Right in the face of Bryan. He rolls Bryan over and pins for 1…2..NO! Rowan, with the knee to the back, locks in a modified camel clutch. Bryan on his knees now, he sends some hands to behind him but Rowan sends him down to the mat. Rowan with a boot to the face. He steps on Bryan. Bryan is up, though and starts kicking….only for Rowan to catch Bryan and hit a Fall Away Slam. Bryan in the corner. Rowan runs and squashes Bryan, then falls into a pin for 1…2..NO! Rowan pulls back on the chin of Bryan again. Rowan lifts Bryan, twists him and hits a backbreaker. ROwan hits the ropes, goes for a splash, but Bryan moves!! Rowan hits the ropes! Bryan holds on the ropes and sends Rowan to the outside! Harper on the apron! Bryan knocks him off! SUICIDE DIVE to Rowan!! Bryan lifts Rowan, but Rowan just shoves him away and heads into the ring. Bryan runs up top! He flies with a Missile Dropkick!! Bryan kips up!! Kicks to the chest of Rowan!! YES! YES! YES! YES! One more to the head is deflected as Rowan grabs and lifts Bryan. Bryan jumps off, lands on his feet, and kicks Rowan!
Rowan recovers with a BIG BOOT in the corner, though!! Rowan Presses Bryan up top, but Bryan floats over and rolls Rowan up! 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Daniel Bryan
A little slow to start, but makes sense considering the story they wanted to tell.
RATING: ***
Bryan’s celebration is short lived as the lights go out and Bray Wyatt shows up on the screen. He tells his goons to stand down. He tells Bryan they won’t hurt Bryan unless he tells them to. He wants Bryan to understand something. Since he’s been on this earth, he’s done a lot of horrible things to a lot of good people. He is man enough to admit when he is in the wrong. He was wrong about Bryan. He viewed him as a miniscule creature that could never win that battle he fought so hard. He saw him on the telly with his lil girly friend. He wants to know how long Bryan can live that life, how long can his dirty little feet soil that red carpet. Wyatt sees Bryan for who he really is. They can’t love Bryan, not like the he can. He tells Bryan that together, they tear the walls down, they force them to appreciate, they defeat the machine. He tells Bryan to open his eyes..
Who writes Wyatt’s shit, cuz daaaaamn….
Backstage, Daniel Bryan is walking all worried. He runs into Kane. Kane congratulates him and says he has a lot to do, and since Punk is friends with Bryan, perhaps Bryan could meet the same challenge Punk has. He will face all three of the Wyatts at TLC. Apparently, Brodus wasn’t very happy with Xavier’s takeover of Brodus’s music and stuff. Brodus cuts a bad ass promo on Smackdown that I didn’t see and I suppose that makes him heel?
Woods and Brodus to start. Brodus has…spikes on his singlet and it looks horrible. Woods with some kicks and a running enziguri. He runs into a catch, and Brodus hits a body slam. He hits another body slam. Brodus looks slightly slimmer. Brodus sends Woods into the corner and hits a hard right then tags in Tensai. Tensai with a shoulder to shoulder attack, but Woods fights back with some rights and a jawbreaker. Woods with some hard right hands to the head of Tensai. Tag to Truth. Truth with some rights. JBL namedrops Lil Boosie. hahaha. Truth mounts Tensai and hits 9 punches, then ducks a clothesline, but is unable to dodge a shoulder tackle from Tensai. Tensai grabs Truth by the legs and slingshots him into the ropes. Tag to Brodus. Truth is up with some rights, but Brodus hits a right then socks the arm pit of Truth. Brodus does a little jig then lifts Truth for a right to the gut. Brodus hits the ropes and Truth kicks the gut, then hits a high kick to the jaw. Both men down. Truth flies for a tag. Brodus is up. Woods dropkicks the knee then knocks Brodus down and hits rights and lefts to the head of Clay. Clay stands and sends Woods to the corner. Woods, out of the corner with the Honor Roll! Hits it! Pin for 1…2..NO! Woods knocks Tensai off the apron and runs right into a push from Brodus. Brodus with a T-Bone Suplex. Brodus wants to go hard in the paint.
Brodus hits a body splash in the corner then pushes Woods to the mat and heads up to the second rope. Brodus with a splash but misses!! Woods takes the opportunity to roll up Brodus Clay. 1…2….3!!
Official Result:
Seeds of a heel turn for Brodus?
RATING: **
Brodus is pissed, but Tensai tries to calm him down. Brodus gives Tensai the death stare, but it leads to nothing, apparently.
Remember that Sin Cara dude? Well, he’s here! Del Rio is his opponent and calls Cara a piece of trash that represents the other peasants trying to cross the border. He is going to call immigration on Cara….oooook.
Lockup to start, and the Sin Cara lighting is back! Del RIo backs Cara in the corner. The ref breaks it up. Del Rio hits a hard kick to the gut then stomps Cara down. Del Rio tries to hip toss Cara over the ropes, but Cara lands on his feet. He hits the tope rope and hits an arm drag then locks hands of Del Rio and hits another arm droag grom the other side. Cara hops over the apron and hits a moonsault, totally missing Del Rio. Del Rio tries to recover. He’s sent in the ring, then Cara tries to follow, only for Del Rio to hit a kick to the face of Cara. Del Rio heads back to the outside and sends Cara into the barricade, back first. Del Rio sends Cara into the ring then rolls in himself and pins for 1….NO! Del RIo with a cravat from behind. Cara turns into it with a few ights but Del Rio sends him down hard. Del Rio stomps the back of Cara and covers for 1…Kickout. Another cravat from Del RIo. Both men up, and Cara is trying to fight back only for Del Rio to knee him down. Whip to the corner, and Del RIo misses a headbutt. Cara hits the ropes. Hurricanrana. Del Rio sends him over, Sin Cara lands on his feet, then kicks high. He flies off the top turnbuckle, and hits Del Rio in the chest. Del Rio sends him to the ropes. Cara ducks, hits the other ropes, CROSSBODY! Pin for 1….2….NO!! Close! Del Rio ducks a clothesline and hits a German Suplex for 1…2…NO! Del Rio attacks the head with a knee then some headbutts! Del Rio wants to finish this. He
pulls Cara forward, goes for the cross Armbreaker, but Cara gets out of it! He heads to the corner, kicks. Del Rio misses the Enziguri and hits the mat! Cara with the Swanton! Pin! 1…2….3!!!
Official Result: Sin Cara
Cara gets another push to possibly set up the Rey match. Here’s hoping something changes with Del Rio..
RATING: **1/2
We get a clip of 2007 when Orton punted John Cena’s pops.
Renee Young is backstage with John Cena! She wants to know what it means to John if he becomes the Undisputed Unified Champion. Cena wants us to think of the meaning and purpose of both of these belts. If you lived in the South, you would Woooo and if you were in the North, brother, you would say that meant the most. Cena says it’s time for change. There is only one WWE and only one big WWE Universe. He thinks they deserve one champion. To be that Champion would mean everything to him.
The Shield is in a dark area and Ambrose says he can’t beat him. Rollins says Punk wouldn’t last five minutes with him alone. Reigns says he’d just beat that ass. As for the three-on-one? Believe in The Shield, brah.
Show and Ambrose to start. Lockup into a go behind from Ambrose. Show with a hip toss into a chokehold on the mat. Headbutt from Big Show then an elbow drop. Show sends Ambrose head first into the corner then lifts up the shirt for a chop to the chest. Show sends Ambrose across the ring then yells at the rest of The Shield. Headbutt then another chop in the corner. Ambrose sells the shit out of the chop as Show calls for one more…and hits it! Ambrose is all FUCK THIS and runs to tag in Rollins. Seth is in and tries to make his move with some kicks to the legs of Show. He hits the ropes and Show just shoves him into a spin with his shoulder. Show with a body slam. Big Show with a cover for 1…2..NO! Big Show sends Rollins into the corner to tag in….Roman Reigns. Reigns ain’t neva scurrged and heads in. He and Show get face to face. Reigns shoves Show, but it hardly works and Show just kicks him in the gut then drops some arms on the back. Hard gut to Reigns then sends him into the corner and is looking to chop him as well. He unzips the vest then calls for the chop and hits it HAAAARD. Reigns tries to chop one on Show but Show no sells it and sends a right to the gut and hits another chop. Reigs pushes show away and tags in Ambrose. Ambrose with the kicks and a headbutt. He runs up top but Show goozles him and tosses him over his head and to the mat! Show grabs the arm, twists it, and tags in Goldy. Goldust is in! He goes down low and hits the gut then the face. Sends Ambrose into the turnbuckle. Snapmare then drops a knee to the arm. Goldust works the arm as CM Punk is shown watching in the back
Tag to Cody Rhodes. Rhodes with a snapmare of his own followed bt a knee to the jaw of Ambrose. Pin for 1. Cody does some arm work but Ambrose right hands Cody and tags in Rollins. Hip toss from Cody, followed by a delayed front suplex. Cover for 1…2..NO! Cody locks the arm and gets Cody to blind tag. Goldust with a right hand, another, headlock into the ropes then hits a shoulder. He stops a leap frog, breathes, and kicks then drops an elbow to the back of Seth’s head. Cover for 1…2…NO! GOldust locks the arms of Seth behind him then back into the corner to tag in Cody. Cody with right hands to the head. He drops an elbow to the head then whips to the corner. Back body drop from Cody. Pin for 1….2.NO! Seth is ble to get Cody into the heel corner. Tag to Ambrose, but Cody sends Reigns and Seth out to the mat and hits a moonsault on Ambrose for 1…2..NO! Rhodes sets up for Cross Rhodes, but Ambrose slides outside. Cody follows. Ambrose grabs the arm and slams it against the ring post! He grabs the arm and slams it to the mat!! Pin for 1…2…NO!!
We are back, and Ambrose is stomping away on Cody, and working the arm. Ambrose with a chin lock, a right hand, then a tag to REigns. Reigns comes in with a hard right to Cody’s face, then lokcs the arm of Cody. Cody fights back, goes for the Disaster Kick, but Reigns clotheslines him down like nothing. Reigns with a stomp to the chest and a tag to Rollins. Seth with some stomps then sends Cody to the corner. Splash from Seth into Cody then kicks the head a bit. Cody fights back but it’s shortlived. Seth with some stomps to Cody. He scrapes the face with the forearm. The ref backs Seth up a bit. Seth runs, goes for another splash, but hits headfirst into the turnbuckle. Cody is on the outside apron. Tag to Ambrose. He goes for the head, but Rhodes hangs him up. Ambrose and Rollins are in the ring. Rhodes springboards into a dropkick to both! Rhodes needs the tag. He rolls. He’s close. But here’s Reigns to stop him! He goes for a knee, but Cody moves! Tag to Show!! Show is in with a back body drop to Reigns! Show runs, I miss a big ol section, and come back to Rollins flying off the turnbuckle, right into The Big Show’s face with a knee. Cover for 1…2..NO! Ambrose is in the ring now and stomps on the fallen Show. Ambrose is stomping Show into his corner, and is pushed away by the ref. Tag to Reigns who heads in to lock the head of Show. Show tries to seperate himself, but Reigns is able to hit a clothesline and we get a pin for 1…2. NO! Tag to Ambrose who works over Show’s face and head. We get a dead spot until Goldust and Rollins are tagged in. Goldust with the clothesline. Whip is reversed but Goldust hits his uppercut on rOllins. Goldust with the Atomic drop. He mounts Rollins! Gets some punches, then hits a Hurricanrana!! WHAT?! Spinebuster! Pin for 1…2…NO! Ambrose breaks it up! Cody is here to send him to the apron. Cody follows, but Ambrose dropkicks him into the announce table and goes back in the ring! Rollins and Ambrose set up Goldust for a double team but here’s Show to pull Ambrose out of the ring. Powerslam from Goldust!
Reigns Spears Show on the outside!! Cody flies from the top rope with a crossbody on Reigns!! Goldust heads up top, but ambrose is there! Goldust Superplexes Ambrose! Rollins rolls Goldust up! Pin! 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: The Shield
Solid match, as per usual. Great ending!
RATING: ***1/2
Backstage is CM Punk with Renee Young. She wants his reaction regarding the TLC match. Punk is all cross-armed and smiles. His reaction is that he is a kid at Christmas. He wants to kiss the genius who created this never-before-heard match. He feels pretty. So pretty that he sings the song. He feels super gay, by the way. Punk says he knows he’s going down, the question is….how many of the Shield is he taking with him.
We are back ringside with Bad News Barrett. He’s afraid he’s got some bad news….This past Thursday, we Americans celebrated Thanksgiving. We ate turkey, gravy, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. As a result, we are fat. Barrett gets the What chant. Apparently, we are all constipated. #badnewsbarrett
Backstage yet again, The Miz is workin out his wrists….giggity. Kofi is watching, and apparently these two have made up because The Miz has a movie coming out and needs to be a face.
Miz and Axel to start. Axel goes behind and locks the waist. Miz revereses and does the same. Axel with a back elbow then a right hand, followed by a chop to Miz. A right to the face. Whip to the crner, but Miz hops over the running Axel and hits a clothesline. Tag to Kofi. Miz with a snapmare, and Kofi with a kick to Axel. Pin for 1. Tag to Miz, and Kofi holds the arm. Miz with the axe handle. Awww, they’re a team! Miz stomps the hand then gets whippied to the ropes. He holds the ropes and Axel misses a dropkick .Miz goes for the Figure Four, but Axel grabs the ropes. Miz ducks a clothesline, but Axel hits a clothesline to the head of Miz. Axel stomps Miz in the corner then tags in Ryback. Ryback whips Axel to the ropes, Axel runs into Miz, then Ryback hits a clothesline of his own. Splash in the middle of the ring and a pin for 1…2. O! Ryback with a right hand. Rights fro mMiz to fight back, but Ryback stops him with a kick and a stomp. ANother to the arm. Ryback lifts Miz. Stalls. Suplex! Pin for 1…2..NO! Axel is on the sidelines like the lacky of a group of bullies. He’s one comment away from asking for a body bag.
Ryback has Miz from behind. Miz hits a couple of elbows, but Miz gets sent to behind him. Ryback whips Miz to the corner and tags in Axel. Axel hits a dropkick to Miz then pins for 1…2…NO! Tag to Ryback. Snapmare followed by a mule kick and a pin for 1…2.NO! Ryback and Axel both scream annoyingly as The Miz rises. Ryback hits a knee then cinches the waist. Miz tries to elbow out of it. Ryback runs in and Miz hits an elbow then tags in Kofi. He flies off the top, hits Ryback, knocks Axel off, then runs right into the clutches of Ryback. Ryback runs with a clothesline, Kofi ducks, Miz catches the hit. Kofi hops up top. Cross body for 1…kickout!!
Kofi mounts Ryback in the corner for four punches, but Axel distracts and Kofi kicks him down. He turns on the apron, and gets hit with a hard clothesline. Ryback with the Shellshock to Kofi! 1…2…3!!
Official Result: The Former Heyman Guys
I can’t find myself to care about Axel or Ryback
RATING: **
Ine the ring, Miz helps Kofi up. He pulls Kofi to his feet, makes sure he can stand, then slaps him in the face and heads out of the ring.
Los Matadores and their bull try to sell shit.
Poor Fandango…
lockup is short lived as Henry shoves Fandango to the corner then barks at him, sending Fandango cowering. Fanny is wide eyed, but that won’t stop his dance moves, as he jigs a bit before going for a kick. Henry lifts Fandango and hits a body slam. Henry with a clothesline. Foot to the chest, and Henry just walks over Fandango to the opposite side. Mark Henry sees Summer Rae, and goes all Sexual Chocolate on her, shakin those hips for her. Summer hops on the apron, and Fandango tries to attack from behind. It doesn’t work, and Henry sends Fandango into the corner as the crowd chants for Sexual Chocolate. Henry goes for a splash in the corner, but misses so Fandango takes advantage. Hits to the head, then the face, and Henry is down. Fandango is pushed to the ropes and comes back ith a dropkick, then a hard DDT. Pin for 1…2..NO! Fandango is able to keep Henry to the ground with some kicks then heads to the top turnbuckle. Henry is kind of far. He goes for a cross body, Henry catches him, but falls to the mat and we get a pin for 1…2..NO! Fandango is up, kicks Henry in the head, then works on the head some more.
He hits the ropes but Henry is here with a hard clothesline then a body bump, followed by the World’s Strongest Slam and a pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Mark Henry
Nice to see Henry shake dem hipz
RATING: *1/2
We are taken back to Smackdown were Titus O’Neil was forced into a food eating contest then into a match with Antonio Cesaro. This resulted in an airplane spin that ended with….Titus puking into JBL’s hat, Zeb Coulter’s head, and dumping said puke on Michael Cole’s head….alrighty then.
Zebby wants to talk. What kind of man likes to puke on another man. Tonight they’re facing the Prime Time Pukers, and deviant behavior will not be tolerated in that ring or in ‘Murica.
Titus and Swagger. Lockup. Titus is backed up in the corner. They roll around the ropes back into the corner, and Swagger hits a right hand, then another to the head. Whip to the corner. Titus hops over Swagger, then hits a big splash in the corner followed by some kicks. Titus knocks Cesaro off the apron, hits the ropes, then a big boot to Swagger. Titus grabs Swagger sideways, and just tosses away Swagger over his head. Swagger backs up in the corner, and Titus runs…right into a big boot. Tag to Cesaro, and here he comes with some rights to the gut and a kick. Cesaro sends Titus to the outside then tags in Swagger. Swagger hops down to the mat and clotheslines Titus ringside, harshly. Swagger lifts up Titus and sends him into the ring then follows it up with a pin for 1…2.NO! Swagger with a front faced headlock. Titus is trying to reach to Darren. He gets close but Swagger backs him into the corner. Titus with an uppercut, sends Cesaro to the mat, then fights Swagger. Swagger with a shoulder thrust to the gut. The ref is distracted, and Cesaro hits a hard right. Swagger bomb from Swagger, with a tag from Cesaro, and Cesaro hops in, flies over Swagger and stomps the gut of Titus. He goes for a pin, but Young comes in to hit Cesaro in the back of the head. Titus and Cesaro trade uppercuts. Cesaro with a gutwrench toss. Tag to Swagger. Double back elbow. Pin for 1…2..NO! Tag to Cesaro, and he’s in with a suplex into a cover for 1…2….No! Cesaro is able to lock the legs. He wants the airplane spin. Zeb wants him to stop, Swagger signals not to do it. The crowd wants it! Cesaro does it!! Zebby hops on the apron to have him stop. He doesn’t want Titus to puke again. Titus is up, feeling on his stomach. He looks like he’s gonna do it!
He backs into the corner. Blind tag fro mYoung. Young with a belly to belly suplex, sends Swagger off the apron, clothesline in the corner followed by a Northern Lights. Pin for 1…2..NO!
Young looks to finish it, but Swagger runs in. Powerslam from Young!!! He flies off the top rope…right into an uppercut! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: The Real Americans
Got kind of boring, and I hope this puking thing isn’t a long-term storyline. One night was fine…
RATING: *1/2
The Universe wants to call the title the Unified Champion. Apparently, it will be taken under consideration. I don’t like it, but I don’t like the idea as a whole so there’s that.
The music of The Authority hits, and the ramp and stage is decorated all TLC-like. Triple H on the stick, and he says he has scheduled one of the most monumental matches in WWE history. For the first time ever, both titles will be hanging above the ring and both Orton and Cena will compete in a TLC match to crown THE Champion. Steph wants to reinforce that last point; there will be ONE winner. One undisputed, unified champion, guaranteed. Intro to Cena and Randy Orton.
Triple H offers each man a seat. They make a mention to Orton, who opts to stand. They mention his comments from earlier, and say they got the message. Orton sits as Triple H brings up the history of the WWE Championship. Stone Cold and Rock get a pop, and Steph mentions Triple H’s name – then Trips says, “That’s right, all the greats.” He notions to Cena, the World Heavyweight Champion, which has a longer lineage. Thesz, O’Connor, Rhodes, Taker, HBK – and Steph mentions HHH again. Is that even necessary?
Now we come to a time in history, but before they committed, they wanted to assure that either of these men could be the face of the WWE. They have both earned their place in history, but now they have a moment in time to cement the legacy forever. Cena stands. Orton is up. Orton is handed the contract first. He grabs the pen, looks to sign, does so, then shoots Cena an evil grin. Cena is next, flips some pages, signs, then gives a stamp of approval. Steph says they both have an opportunity to speak about the match. Orton, the floor is yours.
Orton says that yes, some of the biggest names have held these titles, but no matter how great they are, the fact is that he is better than all of them – including Triple H. That’s why he was chosen, though, to be the face of the WWE. He and Trips have something in common – they don’t like John Cena very much. Orton is the only one capable to shut Cena up and beat him. That’s what he’s going to do in two weeks; he’s going to beat Cena and walk out with both titles in his hand. Cena shuts him down, says Orton is talking like they’ve never met before. Cena tries to re-introduce himself. Orton says he knows, he remembers kicking his father in the head a few years ago. Since then, he’s been making a hell of a career for himself in destroying the hopes and dreams. There’s a reason they call him the Apex Predator; despite all the accomplishments, the only reason Cena was put on earth was to lose to Orton.
Cena tells Orton to shut up and mocks him. Cena says the only dream he’s ever turned into a nightmare is Triple H, because ten years ago, Orton was chosen as the possible face and he never lived up to his potential – ever. Triple is faulted; Cena calls Orton the most gifted WWE SUperstar ever. He makes everything look easy, but orton got cocky and a bad attitude, then he got lazy. The youngest WWE Champion in history, had Hall of Fame mentors, but he kicked back, relaxed, and let some t-shirt kid in a ball cap take the spot. He’s never asked to be the face – he’s just the first to show up and the last to leave. Orton requires an opportunity because of his lineage? Because his talent? Orton was given the title, Cena earned the title. If Orton beats Cena, he will have earned it. He’s just John Cena, but right now Orton is pushing his buttons. Cena says he’s got two options: Leave or make a move. He wants Orton to listen real close, though, because if orton so much as makes one single move to Cena, this audience will be reminded of what a TLC match really is.
Cena goes DENZEL!!!
He’s going to put Orton through a table. Orton seethes on one side of the table. Cena asks if Orton is going to step up or step aside. Orton hears voices, and they all point to flipping a table! He flips it, Cena side steps, and they roll around to the outside. Cena grabs a ladder and is looking to hit Orton with it. He does! Cena on the atack with the rights. Orton fights back with a face scrape then a whip to the ringpost head first. Orton clears off the announce table. Cena is up with another ladder, and he hits Orton with it! Orton is prone on the announce table. Cena grabs a chair, waits for Orton to stand, then hits Orton in the gut. Chair shot to the back! Cena removes the shirt! His finisher bar is filling up! He hits Orton again with the chair. Cena with the mic, hits Orton in the head, then sends Orton head first into the steps. Cena sends Orton into the ring, is nice enough to hand his shirt or armband to a kid, then enters the ring. Orton tosses a ladder to his head. Orton pops up with a chair. Chair shot to the back of Cena. Another! Orton with a chair shot to the sternum, another. Orton grabs the chair, and tosses it over the ropes, then moves the table, tosses the ladder, and removes his shirt. Orton grabs one of the two tables set up against the corners, and stands it up. Cena is slowly rising. Orton is all grins. He’s in front of John. Cena fires back oujt of nowhere with a right hand to the gut. He sends Orton into the other table!! Cena raises his hand then drops a thumbs up into the down position. AA setup. INTO THE TABLE!!! Cena grabs the titles, stands over Orton, and raises both in the air. The crowd is seemingly pro-cena.
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