The No Mercy 2006 Breakdown
Posted by J.D. Dunn on 10.09.2006
I think I've seen enough male nudity to last me a while.
WWE No Mercy 2006 by J.D. Dunn
October 8, 2006
Live from N.C. State.
Your hosts are Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield.
Matt Hardy vs. Gregory Helms.
Both guys are hometown boys, so the crowd is disproportionately into this match. They start with some token wrestling before slugging it out. Hardy starts to dominate, knocking Helms over the top with a clothesline and hitting a pescado. Helms comes back with a backbreaker and a Russian Legsweep off the second rope. Helms cuts off a comeback with a double-knee facebuster (a faceblower?). Hardy counters a Fireman's Carry to a reverse DDT to turn the tide. Helms counters the Twist of Fate to an inverted Vertebreaker. He gives Matt two more, prompting JBL to call the match over right now. Matt catches him coming off the top and gives him a pair of Side Effects. MOONSAULT…finds Helms' knees. Helms misses the Shining Wizard but hits on a second attempt. It gets two, so Helms crotches Hardy on the top rope and gives him a Shining Wizard off the top. Better idea than execution there. Matt gets his foot on the bottom rope and finishes with the Twist of Fate a few moments later at 13:08. **1/2
King Booker demands total seclusion to prepare for tonight, but first he must give Sir William Regal a task — convince Fit Finlay to be Booker's ally.
WWE Tag Team Titles: Brian Kendrick & Paul London (w/Ashley) vs. KC James & Idol Stevens (w/Michelle McCool).
I like that they're looking for things for Ashley to do that are actually, you know, wrestling-based. The champs dominate Stevens early and hit stereo somersault planchas on the challengers. Charles Robinson gets distracted with Kendrick, allowing James to push London off the top. Oh yeah, that's good tag team formula. James even busts out the old Fargo strut as they're working over London. London crawls to the tag, but Stevens yanks Kendrick off the apron. The crowd is PISSED about that. I like it. London ducks a clothesline and rolls into the hot tag. Kendrick unloads with flying forearms and dropkicks (a few too many actually). Stevens assists in crotching Kendrick from the outside and pays for it when London comes out of nowhere with a tope! A heel doubleteam backfires, and Kendrick gets two. Ashley argues the count, inadvertently distracting Charles Robinson as Stevens comes in and hits Kendrick with a Billy Robinson-esque backbreaker. It only gets two, though, and London is able to recover and save Kendrick from a double suplex. SLICED BREAD #2. SSP OFF KENDRICK'S BACK! That's enough for the win and the successful retention at 9:37. The biggest compliment I can give to this match is that it had me cringing at points because I didn't want the champs to lose. That's an extreme rarity. Kendrick and London's propensity to try and kill themselves with crazy moves plus a solid tag formula made this better than average. Give James and Stevens a few more months of seasoning and these four could have classics. **3/4
Regal searches for Finlay but finds Vito skipping rope instead. Regal tries to show him how it's done but gets grossed out by Vito's giant Italian penis hiding beneath a thong and runs into a condiment cart.
General Manager Theodore Long joins us to celebrate the 26th birthday of Mike Mizanin. Uh oh. There's a cake. Miz has apparently been hitting on Layla lately, so she comes out to throw him a bone (he and the rest of the male audience). Layla gives Miz a pretty good dance before blindfolding him. I was thinking Moolah might make an appearance, but instead it's Greased-up Stripper Dude. Miz enjoys his lapdance until he realizes the ass he's been spanking is making a sloshing sound. Needless to say, Miz isn't happy when he finds out. Layla is smokin' like a Night Court bailiff.
MVP vs. Marty Garner
MVP gets a big entrance with pyro and rap music. Too bad he looks like Flash Funk and Liberace had a kid. The crowd chants "Power Ranger." Marty Garner looks familiar for some reason. I think it's because he looks a little like Chris Sabin in the face. Cole and JBL are irate because MVP brought in a ringer. Anyway, this is like a Superstars squash. MVP dominates and finishes with the Overdrive at 2:30. See, the point, if you haven't gotten it already, is that MVP brags a lot but doesn't live up to the hype. How stupid does Teddy Long look now? 1/4*
Regal gets out of the shower and finds Vito drying off his giant Italian penis. IT TAKES THREE TOWELS! Regal runs out because there isn't room enough for the three of them, and we get a nice view of Regal's pasty English ass running down the hall. Teddy Long isn't a fan of nude shenanigans, so he puts Regal in a match tonight.
The Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy.
Kennedy sticks and moves early but runs right into a boot. It's all Undertaker for the next few minutes, as Taker starts working Kennedy's arm. Kennedy blocks the Old School Ropewalk Forearm and fires away with rights. Taker shrugs off his offense and hits Old School anyway. Kennedy slyly exposes the turnbuckle. Finally, Undertaker misses a charge, crotching himself on the top rope. That allows Kennedy to get in *some* offense. He leaves Taker on the outside to get counted out and then DDTs him on the way back in. That gets two. A Facewash gets two more. Taker starts to mount a comeback on the outside, but Kennedy hops back in and hits the first regular piledriver in the WWE in several years. Cole calls it a "Tombstone" and says "that's the Undertaker's maneuver." I'll have what he's smoking. The piledriver gets two, but it only serves to wake Taker up. Taker comes back with the usual, but Kennedy blocks the chokeslam by grabbing onto Referee Charles Robinson. They trade moves back and forth, and the Undertaker does get that chokeslam. He sets up for the Last Ride, but Kennedy slips over his shoulder and rams Taker's head into the exposed turnbuckle. KENTON BOMB! It only gets two, and Taker does the zombie situp, so Kennedy runs out and gets the US Title. Taker takes it from him, though, and knocks him out with it for the lame disqualification at 20:25. After the match, Taker hands out Tombstones to Kennedy and Robinson. JBL inadvertently rates the match for me: typical Undertaker matchup. It would have made more sense for Kennedy to lay out Taker with the belt for the DQ so they could build to the rematch at Survivor Series with an angry Taker seeking revenge. **1/2
Falls Count Anywhere: Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero (w/Vickie Guerrero).
Quick start with both guys trading blows. They fight on the top and knock each other to the floor early. Chavo takes Rey up to the ramp and tries to powerbomb him, but Mysterio grabs on to the entrance architecture and counters to a rana for two. They fight over near the hockey boards where Rey hangs Chavo on a railing and then legdrops him for two. Chavo blocks a wheelbarrow and starts swinging Rey's head into the chairs and crowd barrier. Crazy! They fight up the steps into the crowd and back down again. Chavo hits a wicked short clothesline. Now to one of the portals to the back where Chavo whips Rey into the railing. Rey knocks him away and uses the railing to hit a 619! He then one-ups himself with a flying crossbody off the railing to the floor! Insane! They botch the pinfall, but Rey gets the pin on a second count at 12:11. After the match, Rey tries to get at Chavo again, but Vickie covers Chavo to protect him. This was a wild brawl, but it could have used more time to build to a crescendo. As it is, it's just a lot of violence with no real back and forth to create a coherent storyline. The intensity and creativity of some of the spots lift it well above average, though. ***
"The Marine" video promo package. Couldn't have come at a worse possible time because they'd just done an angle with hatred bubbling over with a somber conclusion and now we go to all this gushing.
Sir William Regal vs. Chris Benoit.
Benoit gets a HUGE pop on his return! Regal, you might as well lay down now. Regal blocks a chop with his arms, which JBL points out is a smart move that no one thinks of. They go through some good matwork, taking the crowd out of it. They get right back in it, though, when Benoit fires back with chops. German Suplex! Swandive Headbutt! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! They work in the spot where Benoit tries to German Suplex Regal off the apron. Regal counters to a DDT on the apron. Back in, Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter, but Regal shoves him away and locks in a standing Stretch Plum. I always wondered why no one in North America uses that move. Benoit powers out and chops Regal right in the face, worsening his open wound. Benoit tries to counter the Regal Stretch to the Crossface, but Regal counters to a Mexican Surfboard into a Dragon Sleeper. Benoit forearms his way out and delivers a Dragon Suplex. CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Regal taps immediately at 11:16. This was a maddening match because it showed how good both guys are, but because of politics and bad booking it just doesn't make sense. Benoit is supposed to come back as a world beater, but Regal – who has been a laughingstock – goes 50/50 with him. This is a case where you could say Benoit should have been more selfish and taken a squash, but I'm glad he didn't because this rocked. ***1/4
King Booker doesn't want to hear excuses from William Regal. He wants results. Regal promises to try and find Fit Finlay, but Finlay is already here. Finlay declares that he came to take Booker's title. Booker blames Regal for the whole thing and slaps him. Regal keeps his pimp hand strong with the Power of the Punch, though, knocking Booker on his ass with a straight left.
World Heavyweight Title, Fatal Four-way: King Booker (w/Sharmell) vs. Fit Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Batista.
Finlay just walks out early, tossing Booker to the rabid wolves of Lashley and Batista. There's method to his madness, though, as Finlay jumps both men from behind and then offers a truce. Lashley hops back in and hits a spinebuster on Booker. Finlay saves Booker from a beating again, and they doubleteam Lashley on the outside. It's all just a suckerjob, though, as Finlay turns on Booker and levels him with a clothesline. Finlay takes Batista out by sending him into the ringsteps. Batista returns to save the title at the last second. Things devolve a bit until Lashley gets absolutely MEDIEVEL on everyone's ass. There goes Booker! There goes Dave! Fit runs in with a chair but has it booted right back in his face. The Little Bastard hops in and lowblows Lashley to prevent a spear. ONE, TWO, THRE-Booker just makes the save. Batista returns and hits a JACKHAMMER! Finlay and Booker get tossed, leaving Batista and Lashley in a staredown. Batista lets the rage out with a spear for two. Lashley slips out of a powerslam and destroys Batista with a spinebuster. At some point, Batista's head got cut open (apparently hardway). Lashley tosses Finlay again but gets hit with a Bookend. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Lashley counters a suplex to a cradle for two. It looked awkward but realistic. Finlay cuts off the Scissors Kick but misses a charge and posts himself. Ouch! Batista crawls back in. SPINEBUSTER to Lashley! SPINEBUSTER to Booker! SPINEBUSTER to Finlay! Batista hauls Finlay up for a Demonbomb! Lashley spears Batista before he can capitalize, taking them both out of the match. Booker crawls to Finlay's carcass and covers for the win at 16:53. Finlay's role as the wild card made this more interesting than the usual 4-way because he knew how to play the role. He was certainly the MVP of the match. Batista and Lashley did what they do best – power moves and intimidating looks. ***
Final Thoughts: In spite of poor promotion and uninteresting storylines, this PPV delivered. Michael Hayes has a deep talent pool, all he needs to do is find a better way to exploit it than his predecessor. No bad matches, save for MVP's match, which was intentionally bad. All the right people went over. There's not too much more that you can ask for. No MOTYC, but who expected any? The only knock is that nothing terribly exciting happened.