411’s WWE Raw Report 8.25.08

Raw starts now!

Michaels Cole and Jerry Lawler are your announcers. King says the Championship Scramble concept is an Adamle Original, even though it was Shane and Stephanie McMahon’s announcement.

CM Punk vs. JBL

Big “|CM Punk” chants. JBL goes on offence early with a knee to the gut and clubbing blows! He works a side headlock and gets a shoulder tackle but misses an elbow drop. Kicks to the thighs and back by Punk, dropkick to the back of the head gets a near fall. They slug it out and JBL hits a big boot to the jaw. King says he sources have informed him of an injury to John Cena that we will hear more about later tonight. Punk battles back and hits a mule kick to the jaw for 2. Forearms in the corner now by Punk, followed up by a dropkick. Cover gets 2. JBL fights out of a side headlock, but misses a big boot and gets caught with an arm drag. JBL fights back but misses a clothesline. Roundhouse kick by Punk! A dropkick sends JBL to the floor, so Punk hits a SUICIDE DIVE! Back in, Punk up top, crossbody gets 2. Kicks to thighs again, Punk gets tossed but skins the cat, only to get caught with a big boot to send him to the floor. We go to a commercial.

We come back from the break and JBL has Punk locked in a bear hug. Punk elbows out of it but falls victim to a back suplex for 2. JBL dominated during the break. Bradshaw hits a suplex and floats over for 2. He applies an abdominal stretch now and pulls back the leg too. JBL falls back into a nice roll up for 2. He hits a short arm clothesline and an elbow drop for 2. JBL fights back from his knees but gets booted in the head. JBL applies a torture rack variant, but Punk slides out, gets caught and taken down for 2. To the corner now and JBL sets Punk up top. Big right hands by JBL knock Punk silly. JBL up to the second rope, but Punk battles back and hits a Tornado DDT! He gets an arm across and gets 2. Knees to the head now by Punk. They slug it out and Punk scores with a roundhouse kick. To the apron now, springboard clothesline! That gets him a near fall. Running knee connects in the corner! Bulldog! One…two…thr-NO! Punk stalks JBL, looks for the GTS, blocked, CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! JBL takes his time getting the cover, and Punk gets a hand on the bottom rope! JBL argues with the referee and goes to the floor. He brings a chair in but the referee takes it off him. GO 2 SLEEP! That’s all she wrote.

Winner: CM Punk

We get replays, Punk celebrates, and King says JBL beat JBL in that match. Get behind the champ? Nah, fuck that.

Match Thoughts: The first half of the match was really strong with both guys looking for the advantage but never being able to maintain it. Then it got really good after the break. JBL was actually pretty good here, moved well and showed more of a moveset than he has done in recent months. The false finishes were good and I liked that Punk got to survive the Clothesline From Hell, that’s strong booking. Lawler’s line after the match annoyed me but that’s not what the fans will remember. A strong win for Punk and damn good match to kick off the show. ***1/4

Mike Adamle is out. He wants us to turn our attention to the tron to look at some footage from Summerslam, John Cena vs. Batista. They specifically highlight that mid-air counter into a powerbomb. Adamle says Cena suffered a herniated disc in his neck as a result. An MRI revealed the extent of the damage and doctors believe that he will require surgery and will be out indefinitely, so he won’t be in the Championship Scramble at Unforgiven. He will name a worthwhile replacement before the night is over.

Kane says pain can be beautiful. What Batista did to Cena is nothing compared to what he has done to Rey Mysterio. Kane cuts n nice little promo, basically saying inflicting pain turns him on. He likes to leave people asking if they’re alive or dead.

Back in the General Manager’s office, Adamle apologizes to Primo Colon for last week. Primo understands he is a busy man. Adamle says he has everything set for tonight, the apples, the Cabana, everything. Primo says he is nothing like his brother, Carlito is a jerk and he is a better man than his brother. Adamle says Primo has a match tonight. Shawn Michaels shows up. Adamle says Chris Jericho isn’t here yet. He knows Shawn wants some time tonight and he can take all the time he needs. He asks how’s Rebecca and gets blanked.

Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

Lock up, head lock by Kelly, but Beth overpowers her and dumps her on the top turnbuckle, pulls her off and gets booted. Kelly works the arm then gets 2 off a roll up. Beth gets busted open from a kick. Beth goes on offence with a shoulder tackle. Kelly fights back and gets off a victory roll, then comes back with forearms. Kelly back flips to avoid, something, but misses a handspring elbow as Santino pulls Beth out of the way. But Kelly rolls Beth up for the win!

Winner: Kelly Kelly

Beth seems to blame Santino for the loss. She tackles him and beats him up with rights and kicks him out of the ring.

Match Thoughts: It was what it was; short and sloppy. Kelly wasn’t as smooth as she has been in recent weeks and Beth seemed thrown off due to the bloody nose, but it was never going to be good in such a short amount of time. 1/2*

We get a 24/7 commercial, showcasing Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect from 1989.

Charlito vs. Primo Colon

Charlito is Charlie Haas, dressed as Carlito. Apparently his new gimmick is impersonation. Slap by Charlito, Primo comes back with a weak rana off the top. Charlito gets a cheap shot in and hits a clothesline for 2. Stomps by Haas, and a big back suplex gets 2. Haas grabs a chinlock to wear Primo down. Haas grabs an apple but gets caught with a right hand. Haas misses a dropkick and Primo hits a clothesline and a dropkick. A monkey flip knocks Haas’ afro off. Colon misses a splashes but heads up top and gets a cross body for 3!

Winner: Primo Colon

Match Thoughts: Another dumb gimmick for Haas… whatever. Primo did OK but his arsenal consists off high flying moves done in slow motion, essentially. His rana showed that Haas had to do most of the work and looked really bad. Call it an inauspicious debut for Primo Colon. *

Backstage, Emo Shawn walks… slowly!

We get replays of Chris Jericho’s promo from last week.

Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring. He is one sad panda. First off, to everyone that is asking about Rebecca, she’s hurt. But after being married to him for 10 years, she’s tough and she’ll be OK. Last week he went home to take care of his family. He wanted to look at this like a rational human being and that it was an accident. And then they watched Raw. He watched as Chris Jericho blamed him, and the fans and showed no remorse for what he had done. He didn’t send in a letter of resignation because he has earned the right to tell the people who have supported him over the last twenty years, thank you. But the thing is, he didn’t realize that coming out here and saying goodbye for the last time was going to be so hard. And that’s why Rebecca was there, to live him up and support him like she has for the last ten years. And what did she get from that? She got punched in the face. He looked into her eyes and he knew that he was not going anywhere. Chris Jericho is on the titantron now. Chris says Shawn is a lucky man because Jericho was asked not to appear on Raw because people were afraid of what he would do to Shawn if he was. Jericho points out what happened last time they faced each other. He sees through Shawn and knows how conniving he has always been. He wants to goad him into a match so Jericho would hurt him and Shawn would file a lawsuit. Shawn says he wants this match because if he did what he wants to do to Jericho, they would throw him in jail. But in the ring, he can do anything. Shawn says he’ll do anything, sign anything. He doesn’t want anyone held responsible for what happens. Jericho asks if HBK has forgotten the places Jericho is willing to go, the things he is willing to do. Look at that eye, or better yet look at your wife’s pretty face. Michaels wants to know if he will accept this match or will he tell him what he already knows. Michaels say Rebecca is tougher than Jericho. Jericho accepts. He warns him not to let his children and wife watch the match. Shawn says Jericho does not know the meaning of the word Unforgiven. He will never forgive Jericho for what he has done to his family. Shawn isn’t looking for a pin, and he couldn’t care less about stealing the show. It will be an eye for an eye.

We see Cryme Tyme stealing the tag titles last week.

We see King slapping Cody Rhodes from a few weeks ago.

Simply Priceless vs. Jerry Lawler and Jim Duggan

DiBiase and Lawler start as the USA chants go up. Lock up, no clean break. DiBiase reverses a whip and gets a back drop. Lawler comes back and gets his own back drop though. Lock up again, to the ropes and a knee by DiBiase. He gets telegraphe though, only to get back on the attack and tag out. Rights by Rhodes, Cody works a chinlock but Lawler fights out, only to get suplexed. Lawler comes back with rights, DiBiase tagged in and gets a sleeper hold. King counters with a jawbreaker and Duggan gets the tag. Clotheslines to Ted, and a scoop slam. Three point stand clothesline! Vintage Duggan! Rhodes breaks up the cover but gets tossed by Lawler. DiBiase gets the Million Dollar Leg Sweep on Duggan to pick up the win!

Winners: Simply Priceless

Rhodes grabs the microphone and says they’re going to hunt down Cryme Tyme. They committed a crime/ Last time he checked, you don’t steal championships, you win them. That’s something those punks could never do. Cryme Tyme are up in the cheap seats. Shad says they’re willing to do the time, and they want the titles to be put on the line, so they borrowed them. JTJizzle says they want the match at Unforgiven. DiBiase wants them to go through the proper channels. They have no idea what they’ve got themselves into. They’ve got their match. But know this, they will take back far more from what they stole and it will be Priceless. Silly white boy. Nothing comes without a price. Priceless? Nah. It’ll always be about that money, money…

Match Thoughts: A fine little match, but obviously nothing special. It makes sense to have the champs pick up the decisive win and move onto the feud with Cryme Tyme. Lawler can still work as well as half the guys on the roster. *1/2

Todd Grisham is with Batista. Batista says his match at Summerslam was one of the toughest of his career. John lives his life by three words… hustle, loyalty, respect. He has nothing but respect for Cena and wishes him luck with the surgery. Tonight, he doesn’t care what Kane is capable of and he isn’t intimidated. He will then win back his title at Unforgiven. But tonight is personal.

Intercontinental Championship: Santino Marella vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi scores a quick near fall of a roll up and then goes to the arm. Santino grabs a headlock, Kofi elbows out but gets knocked down. Leaping elbow to the jaw gets 2. Arm drag by Kofi. Kofi avoids an arm drag by hitting a monkey flip, then hits the mounted punches in the corner. Kingston gets two off of a uppercut, but then misses a rebound crossbody. Marella stomps away then hits a suplex. Marella grabs an abdominal stretch now. Kofi hip tosses out and hits a clothesline and a dropkick, and a flying forearm. Kofi feigns a moonsault and hits a dive punch. Russian leg sweep now, then the Thunder Calp leg drop! Santino rolls to the floor and Beth Phoenix is out now. The distraction allows Kofi to roll Santino in, but Beth trips him up, allowing Santino to pick up the win.

Winner: Santino Marella

From the replay, we see that Kofi fell face-first onto Santino’s knee. After the match, Santino cowers in the corner, but Beth puts a big liplock on him. He’s so overjoyed that he just about sucks her face off.

Match Thoughts: This was pretty good but again, too short. The finish should ensure the feud continues which makes sense as there are no more challengers for Santino. **

We get some hype for the SmackDown Your Vote thing.

|Mike Adamle says the replacement is Rey Mysterio!

Unforgiven:
Championship Scramble – Triple H vs. Brian Kendrick vs. MVP vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin
Unsanctioned Match – Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
Championship Scramble – CM Punk vs. Kane vs. JBL vs. Batista vs. Rey Mysterio

Batista vs. Kane

They lock up and go to the corner. Hmm, that’s personal. Dave gets knocked down first and they stare down. Kane goes for the leg but gets caught. They chain wrestle and Dave gets a fireman’s carry takeover. Batista explodes with a shoulder tackle and then goes to the arm. Batista grabs a chinlock and body scissors, Kane fights out but Batista wrenches the arm. This is ridiculous. To the corner, rights by The Animal. Shoulder thrusts now by Big Dave and another right. Kane fights back but has to block the Batista Bomb and then gets clothesline. Batista takes Kane over the top and to the floor, so Kane throws around some steel steps and grabs a chair. We go to break.

We come back and Kane has a chinlock locked in. Batista comes back and gets a reverse elbow and big boot to a seated Kane. He tries for the pear but eats an uppercut. Batista blocks the chokeslam but Kane dropkicks the injured knee of Batista. Kane wraps it around the rope and slams it off the apron. Elbows to the knee now, and they barely connect. This is so bad. Kane hits a shin breaker now. Kane takes Batista to the corner and kicks the knee, then boots him in the face and covers for 2. Kane goes back to working the leg. Batista kicks him away and gets to his feet, but Kane kicks the leg out from under him. To the floor and Kane kicks Batista’s knee into the steel steps. Back in and Batista slaps Kane from the floor. Both men up and they slug it out until Kane kicks the leg again. Kane bends the leg and goes for the submission but Batista’s not giving up. Batista manages to counter by grabbing an armbar but Kane gets his feet in the ropes. Chop block by Kane. Kane goes for another one but Batista explodes with a clothesline. Kane runs into a big boot and a scoop slam. Batista can’t capitilize though. Both men to their feet, drop toehold by Batista sends Kane into the buckle. Batista runs into a chokeslam attempt but elbows out and hits the spinebuster! Bomb attempt blocked as Kane goes to the knee. Kane smashes Batista’s knee off the ring post now. He grabs a chair and drills Batista in the knee with it.

Winner: Batista (By DQ)

Kane continues drilling the knee with the chair. Back in, and Batista hits a big boot to lock another chair shot. SPEAR! Batista has the chair now and drills Kane in the back with it. Chair shots by Batista! He wraps Kane’s leg around the post now and attacks it with the chair. Batista collapses though. Neither man can stand.

Match Thoughts: Not good. This was so personal that they went out there and did some mat wrestling? Bullshit. I give them credit for the post match antics but otherwise this was utter shit. *