A Brace for Impact 03.26.09

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 03.26.2009

A match that goes for almost an hour? Is this really Impact?
A positive Westerfeld? Is this really the Prime Material Plane?

Greetings, humanity! Welcome to A Brace for Impact, where two 411mania writers give you their real-time thoughts on the show as it happens. I'm your host Chris Lansdell, and each week a special guest will be joining me. Before we get to the guest, I've noticed from the comments section that some people don't seem to get the column, while some love it. Let me explain a few things about A Brace for Impact:

This is not a play-by-play report. Harrison does a fine job of that. This is more along the lines of the multi-person Instant Analysis we do for PPVs, but more spontaneous.

This is not meant to be a non-stop laugh-fest. It's to give you some insight into the thought process of the writers, which is especially important when it comes to a show like Impact which is often maligned.

The chat comments will be genuine, off-the-cuff remarks around the match. At the end we talk ABOUT the match. With that said, here's this week's co-host...

Jarrod Westerfeld!

BANNER!



Cornette explains tonight's gauntlet, MEM interrupt

Lansdell: So did you read the card?
Westerfeld: No. I vaguely recall the spoilers, really. All I know is I need to see what a cage battle royal looks like. Or is it a gauntlet match now?
Lansdell: In TNA, they're the same thing
Westerfeld: Oh, right.
Lansdell: Going to be awfully congested in there
Westerfeld: Exactly. They do this all the fucking time and it's annoying. We don't need to see a ring full of 30 bodies trying to do 100 million things at a time. It gets too confusing to follow.
Does anyone remember that saying, "less is more"?
Lansdell: And to top it off, why would anyone be fighting to get INTO a match in a cage with a roof and weapons?
Westerfeld: No. Idea. Then again, why do people fight for the chance to get fired from this company?
Lansdell: Well, wouldn't you be doing everything you can to get fired?
Westerfeld: Considering what company we're talking about? Yes. Yes I would.
Westerfeld: Cornette should enter just to get the fired briefcase, then he can gain back his sanity.
Lansdell: He hasn't had that since the 80s man. I mean, cream polyester with a red shirt? Really?
Westerfeld: True.
Lansdell: OK so the gauntlet is elimination by pin or submission. That at least makes sense.
Westerfeld: I don't get why we're even fighting for the Lockdown double main event when it should still be Frontline versus MEM. But then again, this company's writers have collective ADD and probably forgot who was even in the Frontline.
Lansdell: Nah, we'll end up with that anyway
Westerfeld: By booking a match that was unnecessary. AWESOME!
Lansdell: WWE does that all the time. All of wrestling does.
Westerfeld: Then again, WWE doesn't have 20+ years of wrestling experience in their writing staff, so I can sort of excuse their failed Hollywood writers for not booking a proper wrestling show.
Lansdell: Well then you'll have to blame the suits for hiring the crap writers.
Westerfeld: Exactly. Stupid suits.
Westerfeld: Didn't Angle and Jarrett have a feud?
Lansdell: Still do.
Westerfeld: Doesn't feel like it as they seem to be way too tolerant towards one another.
Lansdell: Of course as you say that they start fighting.
Westerfeld: Besides, shouldn't they be facing off one-on-one at a pay-per-view to blow off said feud, or do I imagine such things?
Lansdell: They already did, twice. I guess they want to draw it out until next month.
Westerfeld: Okay, but they're split 1 apiece in their pay-per-view encounters. We should already have a rubber match that we'd want to pay and see.
Lansdell: Anticipation, my friend.
Westerfeld: How can I anticipate such a thing if they pulled away for a long period of time to sell us Angle and Sting's split? Whatever...when they'll do it it probably won't capture the same heat they had going into Genesis.
Lansdell: They didn't pull away though. Throughout Angle-Sting, Jarrett was avoiding a match with Angle because he wasn't a wrestler any more. That in itself made little sense, but it kept the angle simmering until they blow it off.

X-Division Title Match: Suicide © vs. Kiyoshi

Lansdell: I like Kiyoshi just fine, but how does he keep getting title shots? Affirmative action?
Westerfeld: Must be. He gets almost as much air time as Stevie Richards, yet Stevie hasn't been given a shot at squat.
Lansdell: Kiyoshi is apparently channeling Tatanka tonight. First the hair, then the top-rope tomahawk chop
Westerfeld: If he hits a Samoan Drop for the win, I'm out of here.
Lansdell: The papoose to go! God I miss Bobby Heenan
Westerfeld: You and me both, brother.
Lansdell: Wait, weren't No Limit faces last week?
Westerfeld: Hell if I know. This company doesn't know the difference between a face and a heel.
Lansdell: They were facing the Guns and getting cheers.
Westerfeld: It's apparent the seals were not only handed Suicide t-shirts before the show started, they are going to cheer Suicide and jeer anyone that he has to kill.
Lansdell: The whole front row is wearing Suicide shirts. Either that or they're fans of Nightmare Before Christmas
Westerfeld: Everyone's a fan of Jack.

Winner: Suicide via pinfall (Suicide Solution)

Westerfeld:
It was a fine little opener match and it was fun to see that every pin attempt Kiyoshi made, he made sure to face the hard camera so he can get as much exposure as humanly possible. Still not a fan of Suicide as a character but at least the company is behind putting him over - unlike Magnus. ** just for how good a bout these two had in the time they had.

Lansdell: Yeah OK, that was pretty good. Nothing amazing, but a fun little opener than showcased what Kiyoshi can do while making Suicide look good in the win. Suicide needs a good solid feud (Not with Bashir please, too spooky) to get himself established. A strong **3/4

Dat Azz Cubed with Lauren

Westerfeld: I still don't understand why the weakest of the characters, Angelina, does more of the talking for this group when Velvet clearly has the strongest skills on the mike.
Lansdell: At least they get the proportion of wrestling correct. Angelina isn't that bad though.
Westerfeld: No, but Angelina is the weakest in comparison to Velvet and Billy Gunn - at least when Billy was there.
Lansdell: I don't know why they're going heel-heel though. You're not going to turn Mi Pi Sexy face with the antics they're using, and Kong is a perma-heel even without a Muslim manager. Heel-heel doesn't sell, period.
Westerfeld: I still don't understand why the weakest of the characters, Angelina, does more of the talking for this group when Velvet clearly has the strongest skills on the mike.
Lansdell: At least they get the proportion of wrestling correct. Angelina isn't that bad though.
Westerfeld: No, but Angelina is the weakest in comparison to Velvet and Billy Gunn - at least when Billy was there.
Lansdell: I don't know why they're going heel-heel though. You're not going to turn Mi Pi Sexy face with the antics they're using, and Kong is a perma-heel even without a Muslim manager. Heel-heel doesn't sell, period.
Westerfeld: For some reason, Christy getting injured was probably the worst thing to happen to this division sad to say. At least then they'd have their top face of the division to challenge Kong.
Lansdell: Hemme was also getting a lot better before she got hurt. She always had charisma and the ability to connect with the crowd
Westerfeld: While lacking the acting ability to sell even the basic storylines she was placed in. But let's be honest, while she was getting better she still wasn't even close to being decent at the trade.
Lansdell: Same can be said for 65% of the women wrestlers today
Westerfeld: Yes it can.

Tag Team Debate with JB

Lansdell: Wait, now we're having a tag team debate?
Westerfeld: It appears as such.
Lansdell: At least they're making sense.
Westerfeld: And the sad part? The titles with the most history and prestige look like cheap kiddie titles as they sit on the laps of men who clearly just came out of the Big and Tall shop.
Lansdell: Those belts are ugly, man. Prestige or no.
Westerfeld: Yeah, but they look so tiny!
Lansdell: And fake. Like one of those machines where you put in a quarter and roll it.
Westerfeld: Yeah, that's very true.
Lansdell: I'm glad they didn't go for the clichéd brawl in that segment.
Westerfeld: I can't understand why Bubba had to take a Tazz line to sell this match...The Philly fans aren't going to like this match more because of that.
Lansdell: The ECW connection I guess. The Philly fans aren't the target audience for it.
Westerfeld: ...but you're doing this show IN Philly. What, are they hoping to fill up enough tour buses of the Orlando crowd to transport to Lockdown?
Lansdell: Nah, I think it's sold out already isn't it? The fans will be hot for the match no matter what
Westerfeld: In a way I doubt that - then again I'm basing my opinion on the Philly fans on the fact that the last ROH show they did out there they were about as lively as the typical New Jersey crowds.

The Beautiful People vs. Raisha Saeed and Awesome Kong

Lansdell: Ladies and gentlemen...at this time, I would like to remind you as per my contractual obligations that Kong kills bitches DEAD.
Westerfeld: Shame we can't say the same about a potential character that is Raisha Saed.
Lansdell: Actually, I'm glad they're keeping her under the hood. Since coming to TNA she's seemed 2 steps off.
Westerfeld: That's because of the hood...
Lansdell: I don't think you can blame it on the hood for this long. She should have at least partially compensated by now.
Westerfeld: There are guys who know how to work under a hood and then there are those who can't. It's an oddity, really.
Lansdell: It's not even a full mask! She's looking better tonight though.
Westerfeld: Well, she doesn't have to work with any of the really green ladies - ie. no working with Rhaka Khan.
Lansdell: Thank God for that. She scares me.
Westerfeld: Are they really going to cut Kong's extensions?
Lansdell: She'd just get more...
Westerfeld: Exactly.
Lansdell: Meh, bitches were killed, hence I am happy.
Westerfeld: Bitches are still breathing...thus they weren't killed dead. Me not so happy right now.

Winners: The Beautiful People via pinfall (Love on Saeed, Lights Out)

Lansdell: That's quite possibly the best I've seen of Raisha Saeed in TNA, but that's not enough to make this anything other than an OK TV match. I still don't like the heel-heel dynamic, and face Kong feels wrong. *½ for nothing offensive but nothing impressive.

Westerfeld: That match was just there. It didn't do a whole lot and it didn't accomplish much as a match, but the stuff afterwards did push this story forward. Beyond that, this was still just there. * just because it at least was something different from the rest of the show, which has been a lot of talking.

Sting and Foley face-off

Lansdell: It's been a couple of years, and Sting without face paint STILL feels wrong.
Westerfeld: Then you'd probably not feel comfortable sitting through his old TBS cop drama from like 1998.
Lansdell: I can promise I wouldn't
Westerfeld: From the looks of it, did they actually fill back up the Impact zone? Are they no longer losing fans on their own home front?
Lansdell: Well it's not like they were getting an astronomical gate from them. Or any gate for that matter.
Westerfeld: True, but they always had a full house to play to for their tv tapings.
Lansdell: So they're basically both out there bullshitting each other before they start hitting each other
Westerfeld:
Good to know. What I can't understand is why this match is even happening when Sting is still a part of the MEM despite Angle not liking him any more...and what happened to the "respect" thing from the younger guys? Is he now realizing that the lack of respect is actually coming from the veterans who politic their way into the spotlight?
Westerfeld: Note to Mick: no one is talking about Lockdown over Mania. I emphasize NO ONE.
Lansdell: I tell you what though, this is a hell of a promo.
Westerfeld: That's what Foley does, though - talk. At least, that's what he should be left to do these days.
Lansdell: I loved that segment, but I still wish they'd found a a better choice
Westerfeld: I don't even know how you would book this show after the past three months practically throwing away all of the build we had leading into Bound for Glory and the aftermath of that. It seems more thrown together than anything else.
Lansdell: Unfortunately, the ratings have jumped since putting Angle and Foley against Sting
Westerfeld: That's the shame of it all, because it doesn't distinguish their own image. They're just banking in on their former glory and further reinforce the idea that they're the home of WWE's rejects.
Lansdell: This is what they should have been doing 3 years ago to build up to Joe, AJ, Hernandez, Matt Morgan and a few others being at the top of the card.
Westerfeld: This company had a chance to build around Morgan, and instead of having him be the difference maker in that Lethal Lockdown match, Sting ended up being the difference maker while Rhino picked up the victory for some unknown reason.
Lansdell: I think TNA are wary of what happened in WWE, pushing too many people too soon and burning them out. Morgan, Joe, Hernandez and even Lethal will get their chances.

20-Man Gauntlet Cage Match: The Last Two Men Will Captain Lethal Lockdown

Lansdell: This has potential to be really REALLY good. And long.
Westerfeld: I noticed the time and was shocked this wasn't just getting 15 minutes. That's a good thing. Though we do have an odd start as you have two guys you have to protect to avoid hurting their image in their programs.
Lansdell: Did they reference the history between AJ and Abyss? If they did, I missed it.
Westerfeld: I couldn't tell you as I try not to listen too much to West as he attempts to inhale the microphone.
Lansdell: West has got better since the "heel turn". And Shelley hasn't been squashed since coming in, which is good news.
Westerfeld: I think that's odd. You figured he would have been squashed. It's not like they have to protect him as he's not one of their champions any more.
Lansdell: Doesn't mean you have to bury him though. Keeping a lot of people strong makes the main event transition easier when it's time to step them up.
Westerfeld: True, but again he's not someone who's that high up their priority list. If anything, Hernandez is the guy you'd protect the most as he was, at one point, a title contender and was the rightful title contender for a long while - which I still find odd in a way.
Lansdell: I hope Morgan is healthy enough to work. I also hope they realise what they have in Hernandez and protect him in this match.
Westerfeld: To be honest, I haven't cared about wrestling in the past month and a half, but this is actually quite fun.
Lansdell: I feared for the gimmickness of it when it was announced, but it's working and working well.
Westerfeld: I'm actually enjoying the booking to this match.
Lansdell: Interesting to see Morgan gone first, but he didn't job to some crap finish so let it slide. Pele and Black Hole would finish most people.
Westerfeld: It was a good exit for him.
Lansdell: This match is really good fun
Westerfeld: It is. I'm shocked at how much I'm enjoying this match. I didn't think it would be this good as it hasn't gotten cluttered in the ring, you can see the action fine between the participants and there's enough room for them to work in cool spots here and there. Let's hope they don't flood the ring towards the end, though. That might ruin this fun magic.
Lansdell: We've had what, 2 eliminations? It's going to get crowded for a while. Unless someone comes in and pulls a Kane.
Westerfeld: I hope not. We can easily get rid of Homicide, Sabin and maybe even Lethal and still have some cool stuff done in the later end of the match.
Westerfeld: It's not like those guys are high priority.
Lansdell: Agreed, but Rhyno needs people to chuck around, as does Hernandez.
Westerfeld: Oh, yeah. I forgot Rhino was in this as well.
Lansdell: And as I mention him, here he comes!
Westerfeld: Well, there's still the Guns and Lethal Consequences to throw around...assuming Frontline is officially dead.
Lansdell: Some weeks I think it is, and then they bring it right back again.
Westerfeld: Okay, so far this still makes sense. It's all flowing right. We are still watching TNA here, right? This is still the same Impact written by Russo, Mantell and Jarrett, right?
Lansdell: Indeed it is. And there's the physicality you wanted between Angle and Jarrett
Westerfeld: Good. I'm glad we got that. That makes sense and continues the hatred between the two that we saw at the end of 08 and in January.
Lansdell: This Naito kid has some serious leaping ability.
Westerfeld: Yeah, but this is the equivalent of putting Sharkboy in this match. We're not going to buy him as the winner of this, and if he were to win, what possible team would he pull together for Lethal Lockdown? Oh well, at least it'll be a fun ride to see what he brings to this match...wait, why is he teamed up with the Guns?
Lansdell: The same Guns he was fighting last week when he was a face? Excellent question.
Westerfeld: One issue with this: Naito should have come out AFTER Angle. But that's probably just me.
Lansdell: Angle will now bury half the roster. Starting with the little guys.
Westerfeld: And his job of "putting over the young guys" is now complete. At least his eliminations made some sense - the guys he picked on just finished killing one another.
Lansdell: And it's not like anyone he beat was a champion or anything
Westerfeld: True. Wait a second. Shane Sewell doesn't have his horrible TNA referee wrestling attire?
Lansdell: Because he didn't look enough like Jarrett before...
Westerfeld: I'm confused - why was Rhino working over AJ?
Lansdell: Every man for himself! Unless you're the Mafia.
Westerfeld: Bah. I guess no one else felt as strongly about keeping Angle out of the captain role as Jarrett. Fucking sycophants.
Lansdell: You'd think they'd all turn on Angle.
Westerfeld: So now we're stacking the odds for the Mafia, while everyone else seems to not care any more about the death grip they're gaining on the company. What geniuses.
Lansdell: AJ is gone, which I guess means Joe wins it
Westerfeld: We never did see Jarrett get eliminated...you never know...oh screw it, who am I kidding?
Landell: They probably will bring him back, I mean he's going to stop him?
Westerfeld: Oh, what a shock. The MEM doesn't accept Bashir as one of their own...
Lansdell: Well he's lacking the whole world champ crtierion
Westerfeld: This started out so good...then it kind of fell apart towards the end. It's as if no one cares about the MEM being so dominant anymore.
Lansdell: Even with Angle totally dominating, he didn't do it in a way that made anyone but Hernandez look bad
Westerfeld: Well, I'd argue he made Young look bad - but who am I kidding? Young jobbing to Brutus Magnus was his death kneel. Angle just gave him a mercy killing.
Lansdell: So Jarrett was last? No Joe?
Westerfeld: Jarrett isn't Mick Foley. He can't re-enter a match he was never eliminated from, dang it. Suddenly I'm reminded of Jerry Lynn's comments about Jarrett.
Lansdell: Indeed.
Westerfeld: LESS IS MORE! God, doesn't anyone even think of that mantra anymore?
Lansdell: Because it no longer applies. Oh, THERE's Joe.
Westerfeld: So is Joe going to place Angle in bondage and then end up bloodied and covered in dirt?
Lansdell: Nah, but he might hold a saw to his throat
Westerfeld: That didn't end the show?! There's still more to this episode? Why wouldn't you end on that note?
Lansdell: Because they MUST end on an interview segment!
Westerfeld: That is stupid.

Winner: Samoa Joe via pinfall (last pinning Kurt angle, Muscle Buster)

Lansdell: I cannot give a match that lasted that long a bad rating. As we said during the match, Angle's domination made sense and was only poorly done with Hernandez. The attack on Jarrett made sense, the various attacks by new entrants made sense, and Jarrett losing was the right call, and then bringing out Joe wiould have been the perfect way to fade to black...oh right, it's TNA. Still, Team Joe vs Team Angle works for me. ***¼ for a great and long free TV match.

Westerfeld: That was a solid match and it's a shame they didn't just end on that note so we had some anticipation on the reactions of the result for next week. That was a fun match, it was booked well for the most part and there was a lot of sense involved which was so odd considering TNA tends to not make sense. If anything, I have to agree with Chris's *** 1/4 rating.

Joe and Angle comment on the results

Westerfeld: This stuff should be airing for NEXT WEEK. This would give us reason to tune in next week - to see what Angle thinks about this stuff. Damn this company is stupid.
Lansdell: It's not like they're running close to the PPV or anything. No need to rush this.
Westerfeld: But still, you build into the next show always. You don't give everything away on one episode.
Lansdell: The Front Line should have come out to celebrate with Joe to close the show
Westerfeld: Exactly. Things to really leave us thinking "what's going to happen next week."

Final Thoughts:

Westerfeld: This was a weird one; I mostly just liked the final match and the stuff centered around it, but for the most part is was the typical TNA non-sense that leaves me wondering what they're thinking. It wasn't horrible despite only having three matches on its entire card, which is a constant fear as with TNA three matches usually means you're getting under 20 minutes of wrestling action. For the most part, I was satisfied with this show and can't hang too much on the negatives. Shame, though, that I'm still not happy for TNA breaking that 1.2 barrier as they still need to establish their own stars and their own identity. Overall, it was fun though.

Lansdell: After a few weeks in a row with solid promos and crap matches, I was hoping for a reversal this week. I didn't get it. What I got was 3 matches, one of which was good and one very good, and I got the same quality promos. With ECW dropping below Impact for the first time in a long time (when ECW wasn't opposite something special), TNA had something to be proud of this week and the pride seemed to show. It will be interesting to see how the ratings hold in the face of March Madness, but they can't get discouraged. Good show, and hopefully the trend continues.

Don't forget to check out If I Could Be Serious for a Moment every Tuesday, and bookmark 411mania for easy returning! Stay Cool, Rock Hard.

Lansdellicious – Out.