411's WWE Raw Report 03.30.09

Posted by Rob McNew on 03.30.2009

John Cena loses clean (no seriously) to Big Show, HBK continues to be one step ahead of The Undertaker, and the boss and the boy wonder are back for some McRevenge

-After a one week hiatus I'm back for tonights final stop on the Road to Wrestlemania. It's the one year anniversary of Wrestlemania 24, the six year anniversary of Wrestlemania, and the 27th anniversary of the day I was born. A historic day in wrestling history all around. We got a Wrestlemania XX rematch between John Cena and The Big Show. Jerry "The King" Lawler is going to step in the ring to face Chris Jericho, and an eighteen diva tag match that is going to give me nightmares trying to recap. All that said lets get going…

-Live from American Airlines Center in Dallas, TX

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Show opens with Undertaker's music playing and a shot of a hearse as we get to the open.

18 Diva Tag Team Match: Melina, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Brie Bella, Mickie James, Maria, Tiffany, & Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, Maryse, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Nikki Bella, Layla, Rosa Mendez, & Katie Lea Burchill
Mickie and Jillian start things off and Mickie takes down Jillian with a Lou Thesz press. Tag to Tiffany who grabs an arm wringer but gets a knee from Jillian. Tag to Beth who comes in and sends Tiffany into the buckle, but charges into a back elbow. Tiffany charges into a flap jack, and Beth tags out to Katie Lea. Tiffany rolls up Katie in a small package and that gets the win at 1:11!?!?! Umm…okay.
Winners: Melina, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Brie Bella, Mickie James, Maria, Tiffany, & Alicia Fox (Tiffany pins Katie-Small Package DUD)

-Santino comes out to say that he may have been denied entry into the diva battle royal by Vickie Guerrero but went over her head to WWE President JACK TUNNEY!!! Santino says he found Tunney passed away several years ago, but he will still be heard because he's an equal rights pioneer. Santino says he's going to prove to everyone that he has what it takes by competiting in a swimsuit competition. Santino says when its all over maybe the ladies can go to the kitchen and cook him up something tasty like a calzone. Santino says he's going to unleash the mankini. Santino takes off his robe and reveals a Borat-esque bikini. Everyone thinks it's hilarious (including yours truly) but Beth, and then all of the divas attack Santino throwing him out of the ring.

-Recap of Orton's attack on Stephanie last week.

Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Chris Jericho
Cole announces the match at Wrestlemania will require Jericho to beat all three legends, while they will only need to score on fall on Jericho to win. Lawler attacks with a series of rights early sending Jericho into the corner. Jericho gets a cheap shot on the rope break to gain the advantage and then scores with a clothesline. Jericho delivers a series of kicks, and then chokes Lawler on the second rope. Lawler hits the ropes running into a back elbow from Jericho, and then gets hits with another series of rights as Jericho puts the bad mouth to him. Lawler reverses an Irish whip sending Jericho into the corner, but runs into a back elbow. Jericho hops off the second rope, but Lawler meets him with a punch to the gut. VINTAGE LAWLER as the strap comes down and Lawler follows up a series of rights with a snap mare. Jericho fires back, and takes Lawler down with a double leg take down. That sets up the Walls of Jericho which finishes things at 3:26. Wow, lets hope Steamboat, Piper, and Snuka have more in the tank than Jerry did. That was brutal.
Winner: Chris Jericho (Submission-Walls of Jericho DUD)

-After the match Jericho continues to put the bad mouth to Lawler, but gets hit with a right hand sending him to the floor. Jericho says he won't get back in the ring, because he already beat him. Jericho says at Wrestlemania it's not a matter of if he will beat the legends but how. He says he knows he will be called heartless by the parasites in the audience, but he wants us to know he didn't start this. Mickey Rourke did by issuing a challenge he refused to back up, and now due to a night of false bravedo from Rourke his three friends will see their demise. Jericho promises at Wrestlemania he will defeat and embarrass the legends, and after Wrestlemania he will be the only person associated with the name Jericho.

-Say did you know John Cena has a new movie out? If you didn't here's a trailer.

-Todd Grisham is with John Cena. They are quickly interrupted by Edge who says the chances of Cena walking out of Wrestlemania Champion are virtually non-existent. Edge says it doesn't have to be that way though. Edge reminds Cena of what Big Show has done to both of them the past few weeks, and lets him know that Show can dominate them if he likes. Edge offers a deal that the two of them can take out Big Show, and then face off with each other. Edge asks if they have an understanding. Cena says it makes perfect sense, and its probably the best way to take out Show. But Cena is too upstanding for that. He tells Edge he doesn't like him, and he doesn't trust him. He'd rather lose on his own than win with Edge's help. It doesn't matter though, because Cena says he's going to do exactly what he said he was going to do. He's going to Wrestlemania, and he's leaving as Champion.

-Michael Cole talks to Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase to get a preview of Randy Orton's address. Rhodes says Orton isn't just going to address his actions against HHH and The McMahons, but all of WWE universe. Dibiase says after Wrestlemania everything we know about WWE changes forever.

We head back to the hearse where they open the casket and inside its Shawn Michaels. He stares into the camera with a smug look as we head to break.

-Shawn spoke during the break. He asks "you were expecting someone else?" Sadly Cole doesn't scream "Vintage missing your cue!"

Rey Mysterio vs. John "Bradshaw" Layfield
Not sure what exactly the point of a non-title match a week before the pay per view is, but here we go. JBL says he asked for this match, because he's going to beat him tonight within an inch of his life. That way on Sunday in the biggest pay per view in history Mysterio will be history. He throws in an "amigo" for good measure. JBL boots Mysterio in the face in the corner, and delivers a forearm to the head. Mysterio hits the ropes, but holds on and kicks JBL in the face. Hurracanrana sets up a 619 attempt, but JBL gets up and delivers a shoulderblock. JBL misses an elbow drop, but catches Rey springboarding off the ropes with a boot as we head to break. Back from commercial, and Mysterio elbows out of an abdominal stretch. Mysterio hits the ropes, but jumps into a fall away slam from JBL sending him to the floor. JBL heads out after him, and delivers a boot to the head before firing Rey back inside for a two count. JBL delivers a forearm , and then pounds Rey down in the corner with a series of rights and a boot. Rey stops a superplex attempt by punching JBL off and delivers a top rope seated senton. Rey hits the ropes ducking a big boot, and an enzaguri attempts which sets up the 619. JBL ducks the 619, but a dropkick from Rey sets up another which this time connects. Rey the springboards in with a crossbody splash to pick up the win at 6:43. Booking 101 would now tell you JBL retains at Wrestlemania.
Winner: Rey Mysterio (Pinfall-Springboard Splash **)

-Recap of Cena's promo on Smackdown where he promised to win the belt at Wrestlemania.

John Cena vs. The Big Show
Cole says Show despite being introduced at 441 he has it on good authority that Show weighed in a 485 today. So much for that weight loss. Show takes control early pounding Cena with the rights in the corner, and then delivering a brutal chop. Show stands on the ribs of Cena, and then pounds him down again with a forearm to the lower back. Show connects with a headbutt, and then walks across the chest of Cena. Show wraps Cena between the second and top ropes and hammers him with a forearm again to the lower back. Cena tries to fire back, but a running shoulderblock is just shoved off by Show. Show connects with another headbutt, and an Irish whip sends Cena to the corner. Show tries a splash, but Cena dodges it. Cena hits the ropes, but gets put right back down with a flapjack. Show sets up for the Vader Bomb, but Cena is able to roll out of the way. Cena heads to the top rope and connects with the legdrop. Cena goes for the STF, but Show kicks him away sending him to the apron and delivers the world's largest baseball slide as we head to break. Back from commercial and Show has a modified rear chinlock locked in. Show goes back to standing on the ribs, and then stands on the head of Cena. Show continues this innovative offense by walking on the back of Cena, and then calls for the chokeslam. Cena counters the chokeslam into a DDT, and goes for the STF. Show is too big for Cena to grab the cross face, and Show gets out of the toehold with a back elbow. Cena ducks the right hand from Show, and goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Cena can't hold Show, who slides down the back and delivers a chokeslam which finishes clean as a whistle at 9:22. After the match Edge slides in through the crowd, and when Show turns around he attacks Cena. Refs come in to pull Edge off, and Show just stands and watches.
Winner: The Big Show (Pinfall-Chokeslam ½*)

-Recap of Shawn Michaels' tribute to The Undertaker on Smackdown.

-Shawn is shown heading to the ring with a casket in tow.

-Shawn Michaels joins us for what was advertised as "The Funeral for Mr. Wrestlemania." The ring is set up with a casket and a few funeral wreaths. In a nice touch Shawn has placed pictures of his wins over Taker next to the casket. Shawn says he stands her as a man unafraid. Shawn says the entire procession is not for him, but for Undertaker. Shawn says the streak ceases to exist this Sunday. Shawn says they've had battles in the past, and he always comes out on top. Shawn says in Taker's illustrious career the only thing he hasn't accomplished is beating Shawn. Shawn promises this Sunday will be no different. He goes over what he's done the past few weeks with the superkick, the graveyard promo, and the tribute to Taker on Friday. Shawn says he's done it all without the slightest bit of consequence, and not a hint of retribution. Shawn opens the casket, and reveals that Taker is not inside which is of course the swerve anymore. Shawn says there will be no retribution tonight or at Wrestlemania. Shawn says that Taker thinking that he can't end the streak as a personal insult. Shawn says he's Mr. Wrestlemania, and this Sunday every moment over the past 24 years will pale in comparison to what he achieves. Shawn says the next day they'll talk about the title matches, legends, ladders, and 70,000 people, but the moment everyone will remember will be when Shawn Michaels pins The Undertaker. That draws the gong, and the lights go out. When the lights come back on Taker is in the ring, but Shawn is gone. Taker shows his frustration that his mind games aren't working brilliantly by destroying the set, and even uttering a damnit. Then Taker turns his attention to the casket, he opens it but Shawn isn't in there either. Taker turns around, but Shawn slides out from underneath and delivers sweet chin music. It's pretty clear that since Taker has never gotten over on Shawn during the entire build that he's winning, but we knew that anyway. This build has been incredible, and this is the Shawn-Flair or Hogan-Rock of this Wrestlemania. The undercard match that will totally overshadow the "main events."

-Cole and Lawler (still in his wrestling gear) preview the 2009 Hall of Fame and we get a replay of the Austin video.

-Rundown of the Wrestlemania card. Show vs. Cena vs. Edge, Hardy vs. Hardy, The Geritol Connection vs. Jericho, Undertaker vs. HBK, Orton vs. HHH, Money in the Bank, JBL vs. Mysterio, and Miss Wrestlemania Battle Royal

Eight Man Battle Royal: Participants-CM Punk, Kane, Mark Henry, Christian, Montel Vontavious Porter, Shelton Benjamin, Kofi Kingston, Finlay
Bet you couldn't guess, but it's a big brawl to start. Finlay avoids a press slam, but gets tossed by Henry anyway. Hornswoggle provides a distraction to Henry, and that allows everyone to toss him. Punk gets Christian nearly out, and Kane tries to dump both to no avail. Everyone but Shelton and MVP team up on Kane in the corner, but he fights them off. Shelton throws MVP to the apron, and MVP then tries to suplex Shelton the floor. He gets him to the apron with him, and Kane delivers a clothesline sending both to the floor. That leaves Christian, Punk, and Kofi with Kane and they team up on him. Kane kicks off everone in the corner, and Punk tosses Kofi. He takes a minute to mock him, and gets an uppercut from Kane. Kane dumps Christian to the apron, but he slides back in. Both Christian, and Punk team up on Kane, but Christian double crosses and tries to throw out Punk. Punk comes back with a knee, and goes for the bulldog. Christian counters and fires Punk onto the apron, but turns into Kane who press slams him over the top taking out Punk in the process and giving him the win at 3:38. After the match Kane grabs the ladder and poses with the briefcase.
Winner: Kane (Last eliminating Punk & Christian simultaneously *)

-Orton heads to the ring for his Wrestlemania address with security in tow.

-Randy Orton is out for his "Wrestlemania Address." Interesting that he appears without Legacy or the security that accompanied him in the back. Orton says at the age of 24 he became the youngest World Champion in WWE history. He says it was the greatest moment of his life, but it was short lived because the man who was his mentor turned on him in a fit of jealous rage. We get a flash back to that moment in August of 2004, and Orton says that night everything started to fall into place. Orton says that night HHH ruined his life, so he made a vow to ruin his. He says he had to wait until he could find a group of his own to form, and until HHH was more powerful than he had ever been before. He had to wait until HHH found something he cared about more than the WWE Title. Orton says it began in January when he eliminated HHH and won the Royal Rumble. Another recap is shown, this time of the final moments of the Rumble match. Orton says he earned the right to face HHH and take his title at Wrestlemania, but that wasn't enough. He says he had to raise the stakes and take away the things that HHH cared about most the family. Orton says he took out Vince, Shane, and Stephanie, the most powerful family in wrestling history. We flash back again to the McPunts, and the StephKO. Orton says almost five years after HHH turned on him he RKO'd his wife. Orton again makes it clear that he knew exactly what he was doing the entire time. Orton says it had nothing to do with IED, and then Orton goes to the cheap heat telling the fans to shut up and listen to what he has to say. He says he knew HHH would retaliate, and he did meaning he would feel like he was in control. That put HHH's guard down which allowed him to complete the attack from last Monday, and again a recap of that incident is shown. Orton says now at Wrestlemania every time they lock up HHH will be looking at the man who DDT'd his wife and sealed it with a kiss. Orton says if HHH thinks of coming to the ring with a sledgehammer at Wrestlemania then he is wrong, because he talked to Vickie Guerrero. Orton says that per the GM if HHH gets DQ'd or counted out he loses the title, and if he shows up with a sledgehammer its an automatic DQ. Orton says its now come full circle, and he has taken everything from HHH except the WWE title and that comes this Sunday. Orton says that after Wrestlemania he will have ascended to the top of the business. Orton says the top superstars will climb the ladder to try to challenge him, and youngsters will try to impress him so that they may stand at his side. At that point a limo is shown arriving in the back. Orton calls for the lights to come up, and asks Rhodes and Dibiase to bring the security to the ring. The camera flashes back to the limo, but the doors are open and the limo is empty. Orton calls HHH to the ring, but instead of The Game he gets THE BOSS. Vince comes out and he's PISSED. Vince's jacket comes off, and then Shane is out as well. Finally HHH is out, and they are out for some Mc PAYBACK! The McMahons take out the security force with ease. The McMahons brawl in the aisle with Legacy, and HHH gets Orton alone in the ring. They brawl with no real decisive victor as we're out.

-Unbelievably awesome ending, with the McMahon's returning to gain retribution for Stephanie. It should be interesting to see how this dynamic plays into the match at Wrestlemania though because one thing I don't want is a replay of Wrestlemania 2000. HBK-Taker closed out their build spectacularly, and Cena-Show-Edge ended with a whimper. That's pretty much the story of the road to Wrestlemania. Any doubt that HHH and Orton are closing the show should have been resolved. The show wasn't particularly good, and the results of both Taker-HBK and Mysterio-JBL were all but given away (with Cena also being pretty telegraphed), but if the goal is to sell a pay per view then the show has to be considered a rousing success. I'm out again next week as it will be 411's Daniel Wilcox filling in. So we'll see you on April 13th.