Your hosts are Mike Hogewood and EVIL Dave Prazak.
Necro Butcher vs. Jimmy Jacobs.
Necro used to be a member of Jimmy's Age of the Fall until he saw the light. Necro brings a staple gun with him, but that stickler for the rules Todd Sinclair takes it away from him, allowing Jimmy to jump Necro from behind. Necro punches his way back and stomps a mudhole. To the floor, Necro pulls out a table, but Jimmy backdrops him on the floor and SMOTHERS HIM WITH A BAG! Okay, so it wasn't quite as dramatic as Terry Funk doing it to Ric Flair. Jimmy sets Necro in a chair and hits a running plancha onto him. Nice to see HDNet is listening to criticisms and pumping up the crowd noise in post-production. Back in, Jimmy hits an elbow drop, but his spear is countered with the ol' knuckle sammitch. That sets up a chokeslam and the Tiger Driver, but Necro wants to use another "staple" of his offense. Ha ha… ohhh. Staple. He grabs the staple gun, but Brodie Lee runs in to save Jimmy for the DQ at 5:58. Okayish brawl, but we knew nothing was going to be settled on the opening match of TV. SLAP THE PORPOISE! IT'S OVER! (Sadly, Hogewood seems to have dropped the catchphrase, but dammit, I'll see that it lives on.) **
Necro fights off Brodie and Jimmy to make his own save.
Kyle Durden is with Brent Albright who talks about his feud with Claudio. I'm actually so far behind on the DVDs that this is a spoiler for me.
Eddie Kingston vs. Sami Callihan.
Kingston looks like the lost Briscoe brother. He's hugely over with the crowd. For some reason, these guys are chippy with each other from the get-go. Sami goes for the Koji Clutch early, but Kingston is in the ropes. Kingston hits an exploder suplex. They trade chops, and Callihan goes to the eyes. Stomping and choking from Callihan, but Kingston comes back with the boot and the roaring elbow. Sami is busted open, but he hits a belly-to-back suplex for two. Kingston hits the backdrop driver and a spinning backfist to pick up the win at 5:58. REFUSE A FACEBOOK REQUEST FROM A GECKO! IT'S OVER! I don't get the appeal of Kingston, but mine is not to ask why. This was okayish, much like the first match. **
Claudio Castagnoli runs down Americans for watching football on Sundays. Dude, it's Spring. He also puts over European styles.
Jerry Lynn joins us for the most awkwardly intercut interview since Floyd Mayweather. He promises to be a fighting champion.
Bobby Dempsey vs. Orange Cassidy.
Orange you glad he's not name Partridge?!!! Okay, that sucked. I'm sorry. Bobby Dempsey has the single greatest smacktalk promo in the short history of ROH TV, delivering an intense speech and capping it off with "Hi, mom." Cassidy is unimpressed, but Bobby hits him with the avalanche and finishes with a Death Valley Driver at around 0:30. HAVE SEX WITH A GIRAFFE AND DON'T CALL IN THE MORNING! IT'S OVER! The fans love Bobby. 1/4*
Erick Stevens gives us his "buzz words" – little bits that share his wrestling style and personality. This isn't a bad start.
Rhett Titus & Kenny King vs. Cheech & Cloudy.
They should bring back Sunny and have her manage Cloudy. Or better yet, create a women's tag division and have Rain team up with Sunny, managed by Cloudy. This match is pretty sweet for what looked, on paper, to be a squash. C&C Marijuana Factory gets some offense in, unlike last time we saw them. They hit the high-five bulldog and stereo mounted punches. The heels right the ship and take over on Cloudy, who is your face-in-peril for the evening. They're all personality, but the heel side of the tag division is stacked already. Cloudy makes with the Ricky Morton rolling and tags in Cheech who cleans house on the heels. No, seriously. They hit a suplex and Le Bomb de Rougeaux. That sets up the 619/dropkick combo. King shoves Cloudy off the top into the crowd barricade. Sick spot, especially since there's no padding like in the WWE. That leaves Cheech open for the Springboard Doomsday Blockbuster at 6:02. GIVE A WALRUS A PAPERCUT AND POUR LEMON JUICE IN IT! IT'S OVER! Awesome finisher from the heels. Love the team, but I don't see it going anywhere unless they get some of Austin Aries' residual push. **1/2
Claudio Castagnoli vs. Brent Albright.
It's like watching a der wienerschnitzel worker live out his Joint Promotions fantasies. Claudio takes a page out of Prince Nana's book and makes someone act as his footstool on his way into the ring. That reminds me – bring back Jade Cheung! Albright stops to high five the fans, so Claudio jumps him from behind. "Where's the honor?" asks Hogewood. To the ring, Albright catches Claudio with a backbreaker to come back. Spiffy spot as Claudio catches Albright in mid-plancha and slams him into the barricade. Back in, Claudio grabs a cravat. Albright fights back but eats a boot. That sets up a butterfly suplex that hurt Albright! That hurt him! To the floor, Albright gets a desperation belly-to-belly, but Claudio slams him to the floor as he's getting back in the ring. Back in, Claudio grabs a chinlock, but Albright fights out of it and hits the Exploder! More suplexes follow. Claudio blocks one, so Albright turns it into a neckbreaker. Claudio hits a springboard uppercut to come back, which leads to THE GIANT SWING~! Albright counters the follow-up uppercut to a backslide for two. Claudio nails him with the Bicycle Kick for two. Claudio argues the count, so Albright rides him down to the Crowbar, then the Crossface, then back to the Crowbar. Claudio makes the ropes, but Albright hits a flying crossbody. Shades of Ricky Steamboat! It gets two. Claudio blocks the half-nelson suplex and rolls through. Albright tries again, but Claudio counters to the victory roll (and a handful of ropes) for the win at 12:05. SUBJECT AN ARMADILLO TO MORE OF THESE ANIMAL JOKES! IT'S OVER! Surprisingly good match between two people I stopped giving a damn about a long time ago. Claudio may yet salvage his heel turn. Not sure what the future holds for Brent, who is still aligned with Roderick Strong and Erick Stevens, and when all three of them are in the ring together, they form a portal which sucks charisma into another dimension where it is never seen again. **3/4
The 411: On paper, this looked like a weak show, but with HDNet making a few adjustments to production – Prazak is now a clear heel announcer, the crowd heat has been restored, and they're trying to showcase more personality in the in-between bits – this was actually a quick hour. The main event and tag matches were surprisingly good.
when do we get a JD Dunn review of the WWE 90s DVD? I can't buy it without a trustworthy review.
Posted By: hey (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 12:02 PM
when do we get a JD Dunn review of the WWE 90s DVD? I can't buy it without a trustworthy review.
Posted By: hey (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 12:02 PM
So, you can't do anything without someone else telling you to do it/not to do it?
Nice.
How does it feel to be a sheep with no thoughts of your own?
oh, never mind, chances are your explanation would be someone else's. LOL!
Posted By: ...."Shaking head"...... (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 01:05 PM
I actually think that Stevens, Albright and Strong have something really cool as a trio--almost a Wrecking Crew like deal where all three of them can just bulldoze the competition with sheer force and power.
This would also be the first decisive finish to a match between Albright and Castagnoli thus far, which means Albright has to work harder to find a way to clearly win a match against him.
The Slap the Porpoise variations are awesome JD, keep 'em coming.
Posted By: SAVE_BEAR.729 (Registered) on April 19, 2009 at 01:31 PM
"I actually think that Stevens, Albright and Strong have something really cool as a trio--almost a Wrecking Crew like deal where all three of them can just bulldoze the competition with sheer force and power."
I think they need some sort of hook. I like all of them as far as in-ring work is concerned. Hell, add Bobby Dempsey as their mascot. :) It was Brent who challenged him to declare his independence anyway.
And I'm working on the Superstars DVD. It breaks down like this in terms of upcoming stuff (in this order):
Sin City Blu-Ray (because it's from the studio)
Superstars of the 90s DVD
No Way Out 2009
ROH shows from January and February
Summerslam DVD sets
Posted By: J.D. Dunn (Registered) on April 19, 2009 at 02:43 PM
excited to hear heel Prazak when I watch on the PVR later.
Posted By: Guest#9044 (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 02:46 PM
I know you said you didn't want to ask why, but i'll say it anyway.
There is appeal to Eddie Kingston. If you watched more CHIKARA, you would understand. Not dogging you on it, but that's where he gets his prowess from.
Posted By: Kevin F. (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 03:11 PM
"It's like watching a der wienerschnitzel worker live out his Joint Promotions fantasies"
"REFUSE A FACEBOOK REQUEST FROM A GECKO!"
haha...awesome review
Posted By: Kinen (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 03:14 PM
You got Albright, Strong and Stevens. A...S...S. The ASS Kickers? For T-Shirts, it can have on one side:
Anyone
Still
Standing?
Um...yeah, I'll shut up now and drink some more.
Posted By: Brian C. (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 04:29 PM
You used to be my hero until you started advocating animal abuse. Now I've given up atheism so that I can believe in hell.
Posted By: Godpleton (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 06:21 PM
JD, thanks for the update.
As for the pedantically unclever "Shaking head," how does wanting someone else's opinion of something I haven't seen equate with having no thoughts of my own? That's fucking retarded.
I'm not asking him to define or provide my opinion. I'm asking for HIS recommendation or lack thereof. It's impossible for me to have any thoughts on something I haven't even fucking seen. I'm not about to go out and plunk 20 bones on a DVD without any foresight going into it. I've read the match listing and the DVD chapter stops -- that doesn't mean the documentary is worth a damn. If it's a rehash of the Raw is War DVD and the Monday Night War DVD why would I go out and buy that? and more importantly why would I not want until someone else who reviewed it could TELL ME IF THE DOCUMENTARY IS WORTH A SHIT.
Posted By: hey (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 07:06 PM
It's in my medical opinion that the spotmonkeys of RoH are making a big mistake. They should consider taking the Dynamite Kid as a role model before their next match so they can see what's going to happen to them if they continue to act this way. Bitter. Crippled. And Bitter again.
Oh, and don't you fanboys & girls dare think I've forgotten about those big name "superstars" either. They can stick needles into their veins all they want, but you you really think it's gonna keep McMahon happy? NO! Until Vince finds the Next Big Steroid, he's gonna trash the old news in favor of the new. And what becomes of the old? They become flabby waterweights with Ric Flair-like manboobies, and they spend the rest of their lives stalking mullet-wearing couples at Walmart!
So - the doctor's solution is to end it all. Let's kill Vince. But first, if you'll excuse me, we have to get to bed.
Posted By: Dr. Martin Van Nostrand (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 09:38 PM
the 12 readers here and the 41 people in the audience want to know who the fuck is bobby dempsey
Posted By: bwahahaha (Guest) on April 19, 2009 at 11:10 PM
The main event was excellent. I'm super impressed with Claudio. Albright looked good too.
Posted By: Jake Fury (Guest) on April 20, 2009 at 08:20 AM
"the 12 readers here and the 41 people in the audience want to know who the fuck is bobby dempsey "
Wouldn't they be the ones who wouldn't need to be told?
Posted By: J.D. Dunn (Registered) on April 20, 2009 at 05:51 PM
'Not sure what the future holds for Brent, who is still aligned with Roderick Strong and Erick Stevens, and when all three of them are in the ring together, they form a portal which sucks charisma into another dimension where it is never seen again.'
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AWESOME!
Posted By: someone (Guest) on April 20, 2009 at 11:17 PM
Kenny King voted most likely to land up in WWE? Dude's got styyyyle.
Posted By: christy (Guest) on April 20, 2009 at 11:19 PM
My boy Bobby is one polar bear white, fat ass titties jigglin, bleach blond curly moptop sporting wrestling fucking machine. He would kick this pussy' s punk ass for talking shit, but he is too busy fucking his fat ass sweaty momma. Respect the Dempsey or suffer the fucking consequences.
Posted By: Dempsey 4 life (Guest) on April 24, 2009 at 12:52 AM
