411's WWE Raw Report 05.11.09

Posted by Rob McNew on 05.11.2009

A man in drag is the highlight of the show, as we get the WWE Judgment Day main event for free six days early. WWE Wrestling: Cross The Line!



-One week until Judgment Day, and Raw is faced with the task of really stepping their game up to let their portion of the card hold up against their Smackdown brethren. Raw has really scuffled the past few weeks after a pretty solid pre-Wrestlemania season. Despite the struggles there are still some interesting goings on with both Miz and MVP's sudden introduction into main event storylines. Hopefully the red brand can start the climb towards catching up with the pure awesome that the blue brand is putting out beginning tonight from Buckeye country. Remember if you're a 411mania fan, and just can't live without us you can always bookmark us or even set us as your homepage. Also you can follow us on Twitter or be our fan on Facebook. You can even be my friend. Crazy, huh?

-Live from Nationwide Arena in Columbus, OH

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Lillian introduces WWE Champion Randy Orton, who won the Legacy preshow drawing for the right to wear a shirt tonight, and he states that the McMahon's pride themselves on listening to the audience. He says they need to stop listening, and start acting more like the fans. He says the fans face adversity every day of their lives, and what do they do? They take it and don't fight back. Why he asks? Because all of the fans are cowards. He says we pay to live our lives through people like him, and we pay to watch him do the things that he does. Like last week when he put an end to the McMahon era. That leads us to a video package of the Legacy beatdown of Shane last week. Orton says the people need to recognize that the company revolves around him. He says that also goes for the rest of the WWE especially Batista. He announces that Vickie Guerrero has announced a no contact ruling from today through Sunday. He says that even though he and Batista can't touch, that doesn't mean they can't talk and he invites the Animal to the ring. That brings out Batista, and Orton says he's going to tell him something that he and all of the people know deep down inside. Orton says he will not win the WWE Championship. Not this Sunday, and not ever. Orton wants to give Batista an opportunity, and before he says no he wants him to realize that he hasn't offered this chance to any WWE superstar who wasn't second or third generation. He wants to offer him a chance to join Legacy. Ted Dibiase grabs the mic, and tells Batista that he knows he's still upset about Randy kicking him in the skull. He can relate, but getting kicked was the best thing that ever happened to his career. He says he was going nowhere, but now he's a member of the most elite group in WWE. Orton says when they were in Evolution they were unstoppable, but the only person holding them back was HHH. He says he took out HHH and that won't be a problem anymore. He tells him if he joins Legacy they'll be bigger than the Horseman, DX, and even Evolution. Orton tells him he won't be champion, but at least he'll be on the winning team. He brings up Arn Anderson being at Ric Flair's side for 10 years as his Enforcer. Orton wants to give Dave the opportunity to be his enforcer. Batista says it's a great opportunity, and everything that he says makes perfect sense. He says there's just one problem, he doesn't like him. In fact he despises, no wait loathes him. He says he is not and never will be Orton's back up, and he's not here to help him, but here to hurt him. Batista says there is nothing Orton can do to stop him. Orton says Batista just made the biggest mistake of his life, and says he's lucky there is a no contact ruling tonight because he would drop him right now. Batista laughs it off and tells him he's tired of listening to him, and says he's certainly tired of listening to Vickie Guerrero. Batista trips all over his lines trying to say he's tired as hell of waiting. He says he doesn't think there's a chance in hell of Vickie Guerrero calling off the Judgment Day main event. He says there is nothing keeping him from destroying Orton tonight. EXCUSE ME! That brings out Princess Swine Flu herself Vickie Guerrero and Chavo. She asks if she was just called predictable, and asks if this is predictable. She says she's waiving tonight's no contact order, and doesn't care if they tear each other up tonight. She doesn't even care about their condition, but that title match will take place on Sunday. She says in the meantime things are going to get interesting. Tonight its Batista vs. Dibiase & Rhodes. Like last week if Dibiase & Rhodes wins then we get a 3 on 1 handicap match tonight, but if Batista wins then its Judgment Day come early tonight. Vickie orders Orton to leave because Dibiase and Rhodes vs. Batista is up next.

Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes vs. Batista
This match is joined in progress with Batista burying a series of shoulderblocks to Dibiase in the corner. Batista sends Dibiase into the corner back first with an Irish whip, but Dibiase comes back with a chinbuster. Tag to Rhodes who gets hiptossed immediately by Batista. Rhodes gets hit with a vertical suplex picking up a two count for Batista. Batista goes for a powerslam, but Dibiase provides a distraction allowing Cody to slide down the back and chopblock the knee. Tag to Dibiase who comes in with a series of stomps to the hamstring, and elbow drops to the knee. Rhodes tags back in and Priceless wishbone the legs of Batista before Rhodes goes back to work with a series of stomps. Dibiase tags back in, and pulls Batista to the apron dropping his leg across it. Dibiase covers for a two count, and goes back to work on the leg with a spinning toe hold. Batista shoves off so Rhodes tags in and works over Batista in the heel corner. Batista fires out of there with a series of right hands, and then whips Cody into the corner. Backdrop connects to Rhodes, and that is followed by a boot sending Dibiase to the floor. Rhodes tries to sneak attack, but gets a big boot sending him to the floor. Dibiase tries to get back inside, but the ref has to put him out. Meanwhile Cody tries to bring a chair in the ring, but that gets taken by Batista. Batista takes a swing at Cody with the chair as the ref turns around and catches him drawing the DQ at 4:08. Do we really need that cheap ass ending to protect Batista in a match that is already a handicap match?
Winner: Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes (Disqualification-Foreign Object ¼*)

-Maryse is in the ring for a promo? She cuts a promo in French, and then says if she wasn't Maryse she would want to be. That's it? Oh it's a tag match; that would have been nice to know…

Maryse & Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James & Kelly Kelly
Kelly starts with Jillian, and arm drags out of an arm wringer before grabbing one of her own. They botch a sequence of some kind, before Kelly busts out the hurracanrana. Maryse provides a distraction allowing Jillian to hit a clothesline for two. Maryse tags in and grabs a reverse chinlock. Kelly stands up, and goes for the tag before getting drug down by her hair. Maryse gives Mickie a cheap shot, but gets kicked away by Kelly who makes the tag. Mickie comes in with a pair of clotheslines and then hits a back elbow. Mickie hits a hurracanrana out of the corner, and then delivers a bombs away off the top for two. Jillian makes the save, and Kelly chases her out to the floor with a clothesline off the apron. Maryse goes for a DDT, but Mickie holds the ropes to block that. That allows Mickie to hit a jumping DDT of her own to pick up the victory at 3:41. Mickie brought her working boots, but everyone else sucked.
Winners: Mickie James & Kelly Kelly (Mickie pins Maryse ½*)

-If you didn't get enough Orton in the first 20 minutes Josh Mathews is standing by with him. Orton starts to talk, but gets interrupted by Dibiase who tells him Cody's gone. They take off through the back.

-We get a recap of Big Show's recent attacks on Cena at both Judgment Day and last night on Raw.

-Chavo is talking to Vickie in the locker room, and he tells her he's proud of her how she handled the Orton-Batista situation earlier. He says he wants to talk about Cena, and how he should be forced to compete tonight in an exhibition match despite his injuries. He thinks he needs to prove he's ready to compete Sunday, and he will have to compete until Vickie is satisfied he is ready to compete. Vickie says he will compete tonight against the Miz. Chavo gives her a Happy Mother's Day as he takes off.

-Cole and Lawler are in the ring to run down the Judgment Day card. Cena vs. Show, the just announced Mysterio vs. Jericho, Jeff Hardy vs. Edge, & Batista vs. Randy Orton are spotlighted.

-Orton and Dibiase continue the search for Cody Rhodes, and Orton finds him after he sends Dibiase down a hallway. They go back for Dibiase, but find a trainer going to get the doctor. Dibiase is found laid out in the back saying only "Batista."

Carlito vs. The Brian Kendrick
Well we'll see if Kendrick can break the three minute mark this week. Carlito attacks after Kendrick gets mouthy, and gets hit with a dropkick. Kendrick draws Carlito to the apron, and kicks him in the face, before choking him with his boot. Kendrick hits a running forearm in the corner, but dives off the second rope into a boot. Carlito hits a clothesline and a legdrop for two, but a springboard attempt fails as Kendrick pulls him back to the mat. Carlito comes back sending Kendrick sternum first into the buckle, and goes for a backstabber. Kendrick blocks that, and then sends Carlito shoulder first into the ringpost. That allows him to get a rollup to pick up the victory at 1:43. Kendrick says that was only step one. Step two is finding a partner, and not just any partner but THE partner. Once he finds that partner The Brian Kendrick will be one half of THE Tag Team Champions. This might be a decent feud if they got more than TWO FUCKING MINUTES each week.
Winner: The Brian Kendrick (Pinfall-Rollup *)

-Big Show comes out before the upcoming Miz-Cena match, and sits down on the announce table to get a closer look.

Exhibition Match: John Cena vs. The Miz
The rules for this "exhibition match" is that they will compete until the match is stopped by Vickie Guerrero. Cena still sells his injuries somewhat, but he's done a very good job of selling it less and less each week. It would have looked stupid if he staggered out each week and then came out running and jumping on Sunday so kudos to Cena for that. Miz tells Cena that getting thrown through a search light, and getting beatdown by Big Show last week is nothing compared to what he's going to get from Miz tonight. Miz screams at him to look at him, and then asks if he's a little hurt. He tells him he should be excited as its just an exhibition and not 12 rounds. That means people will actually see this. Miz says he's been picking on him about his movie, but in all fairness his rap album sucked too. Miz says Vickie may call it an exhibition, but he's calling it 3 and 0. Because he's the Miz and he's awesome. No referee for this one, and no bell. Cena takes Miz down with a go behind, and then lets him go as he keeps one eye on Big Show. Cena grabs a headlock takeover, and Miz punches his way out of that. Miz hits a back suplex, and then a pair of vertical suplexes. Miz stomps Cena in the corner, and then connects with a running clothesline in the corner. Miz drives his knee into the back of Cena, and then hammers away in the corner. Irish whip sends Cena to the corner, but he moves out of the way of another running clothesline attempt. Cena hits the running shoulderblocks and a protoplex. Five knuckle shuffle connects for Cena, and he sets up for the Attitude Adjuster. Vickie gets on the titantron and stops the match telling him she's seen enough and there's no chance he can beat Big Show at 2:48. Afterward Miz hits the reality check, and proclaims he's now 3 and 0. Big Show stares from the floor, but does nothing.
Winner: No Contest (Vickie Stoppage *1/2)

-Orton and Rhodes are in the back, and Rhodes tells him that if it was Batista they need to take it to him before he gets to another one of them. Orton says he's right, and Batista knows they're on to him and he's not going to surprise anyone. Orton tells Rhodes its time he proved himself. He sends him to find Batista and take him out. I'm sure that will work. Good plan Randy.

Chavo and Vickie are bragging in their office about their exhibition match. Santina stops by and asks if they wanted to see her. Vickie wants to know if its true that she called her swine like last week. She says it wasn't her, because she wasn't here last week. They're thinking of her twin brother Santino. Chavo tells her to give it up because they all know she's Santino, and he tries to prove it by taking her wig off. He slaps him and tells him she's not that kind of girl. Vickie brings in Rosa and Beth, and asks Rosa to give Santina a good luck kiss before her big match with Santina to see if she's who she says he is. Of course she can't control herself and makes out with Rosa. Chavo says he knew he couldn't resist, and wants her to go ahead and admit it. She says she'll admit it, she is a, how do you say, a lesbiano. Its just that she doesn't prefer the company of pigs as she looks at Vickie. He makes a few pig noises at Vickie, and then leaves giving Rosa a smack on the ass on the way out. Absolutely hilarious.

-Speaking of hilarious we go to Cody heading through the back with a lead pipe in hand searching for Batista. He hears noises coming from a closet, but opens it to find not Batista, but Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle runs away in fear, but Batista attacks Cody from behind and throws him into the closet. This show is quickly approaching the "so bad its good" territory.

-Cole states that its becoming obvious that Batista was behind the attack on Dibiase earlier tonight because of what we just saw. As if Dibiase clearly saying "Batista" wasn't quite good enough to give it away.

Beth Phoenix (w. Rosa Mendes) vs. Santina Marella
Big Santina chant from the crowd to start. "She" is literally getting by far the biggest reaction of the night. Beth delivers a few shoudlerblocks in the corner, and then clotheslines Santina over the top to the floor. Beth goes out after her, and PRESS SLAMS SANTINA INTO THE RING. Unreal! Back inside Beth gets an abdominal stretch, but Santina quickly hiptosses out. She misses a clothesline on Beth, and gets put in a full nelson hilarious screaming in high pitched tones the entire time. Santina tries to power out, but has to resort to the butt butt to break the hold. Beth gets a double leg takedown, and grounds and pounds on Santina. Santina comes back with a small package to pick up the victory and remain undefeated at 2:41. I'm really enjoying this because it's a lot of fun and not meant to be taken seriously, but when the best part of the A show is a man in drag you've got problems.
Winner: Santina Marella (Pinfall-Small Package *)

-Josh Mathews catches up with John Cena in the back, and asks him given his physical limitations how is he going to compete at Judgment Day. Cena says he's hurt, and the past few weeks he's been going through hard times. How does that make him different than anyone else he asks? Everyone in the country is going through hard times. Cena says despite everything people have found a way to adapt and overcome. Cena says that means he needs to ante up and do what he does best. Adapt and overcome. He says he's not going to compete he's going to win. Mathews says Cena will face Big Show, but gets interrupted and says Josh didn't hear him. He says he's going to win. I think someone was watching some Dusty Rhodes tapes today.

-MVP is out for the VIP Lounge. MVP says last week William Regal decided to get up in his business, but even though he's livin large as a WWE superstar he's still hood to the heart. He tells Regal to get his dress on because its ladies night on the VIP Lounge. Regal comes out and says its quite revolting that he would come on to his precious Raw and act like he owns the place. Regal says a year ago he was the GM of Raw and the King of the Ring, but then he was unjustly removed from his position. He says he valiantly returned as an in ring competitor, but he paid his dues and waited his chance to reign once again. But MVP and the other draft picks came on his show and ignored his tenure deciding to leap above him in the pecking order. MVP says he now understands that Regal is miserable, and even though he's straight up ballin Regal is straight up boring. He says unlike Regal he's not waiting his turn. He's the US Champ. Regal says MVP perfectly represents the US. He's arrogant, he's misguided, and he's despised by everyone else in the world. Regal takes off his robe, but that brings out Matt Hardy. Hardy says since everyone is airing their grievances he wants to voice his. He's been forced to compete with a broken hand, and all of his protests have been ignored. He says what would be fair would be to erase his loss to Kofi last week. He says speaking of waiting their turn. Regal needs to wait his turn. He says no one has defeated MVP more than he has, and no one deserves a shot that title more than he does. Hardy and Regal have words, and that brings out Kofi who attacks Matt from behind. Chavo comes out and orders the ring cleared because at the order of Vickie Guerrero we got a tag match, and its next.

MVP & Kofi Kingston vs. Matt Hardy & William Regal
Joined in progress with Regal and MVP in the ring, and MVP hits a throw on Regal before making the tag to Kofi. Kofi comes off the top with a cross body for two, and then dropkicks Hardy off the apron. Kofi hits the ropes and delivers the double legdrop for two. Hardy comes in but gets intercepted by MVP sending him to the floor. Kofi hops up on the second rope to deliver a few shots to Regal, but as the ref puts MVP out Matt delivers a shot with the cast picking up a two count for Regal. Tag to Matt who comes in with a series of knees to the gut of Kofi. Matt connects with a pair of bodyslams for a one count, and then grabs an abdominal stretch. Kofi tries to come out, but gets a kick to the midsection before Matt tags Regal back in. Regal drives his shoulder into the midsection of Kofi, and then follows with a kneelift. Regal hits a throw for two, and tags Hardy back in who drops an elbow. Matt goes back to the abdominal stretch, but Kofi hiptosses out. Matt tags in Regal who drops a knee on Kofi's sternum. Kofi comes back with a sunset flip, but Regal rolls through. Kofi headscissors Regal over and tags in MVP who comes in with a series of punches to Regal. Facebuster connects by MVP, and that sets up the ballin' elbow. Matt makes the save at two, but gets kicked to the floor by Kofi. Regal chucks Kofi over the top, but turns around into an attack from MVP. Matt runs out of the arena as MVP hits the drive-by kick and playmaker to pick up the win at 6:21. Good enough match, and certainly the best of the night. Although that's like picking your favorite STD.
Winners: MVP & Kofi Kingston (MVP pins Regal-Playmaker **1/2)

Randy Orton vs. Batista
Orton gets the mic, and says Batista made his point. He says there is no good reason that they should fight six days before their title match at Judgment Day. He says he's going to leave this ring, but Batista will have none of that as he comes out. Give away your PPV main event six days early. Fucking brilliant. WWE: Cross the line. Orton attacks early, but gets hit with a clothesline. Orton bails to the floor, and tries to escape, but Batista grabs him and fires him back inside. Batista delivers a pair of spinebusters, and goes outside for a chair. He blasts Orton with the chair drawing the DQ at 1:04, and then bashes Orton's ankle with a chair as payback for what he did to Shane last week. Batista grabs the steps and throws them in the ring. Batista blasts Orton's ankle with the chair again, and grabs the steps. Cody Rhodes runs in to make the save, and gets hit with a Batista Bomb. Dibiase pulls Orton outside, and then tries to sneak attack Batista. Orton slides back in as Batista has his back turned (now completely no-selling the ankle) and goes for the RKO. Batista shoves him off though, and then gives Ted a clothesline. Batista goes for a Batista Bomb on Orton, but Dibiase pulls him away long enough to get speared and let Orton escape. Batista chucks the steps at Orton in the aisle as Orton (remembering he just nearly had his ankle broke) slithers back to the locker room as we head out.
Winner: Randy Orton (Disqualification-Foreign Object DUD)

-Good God is this show stuck in a rut or what. Orton looks like the biggest goof on the planet. Seriously did he honestly think sending Cody Rhodes to go get Batista was going to work?!?! Couple that with the brutal ending that saw Legacy again look like complete chumps, and Orton have his ankle broken, only to slide in like nothing was wrong, attempt an RKO, then slide back out selling the ankle again. Just absolutely terrible. I order nearly every pay per view, but if I didn't have tickets to this one I might not even bother. Oh well, thank god for Smackdown.