411’s WWE Judgment Day Report 5.17.09

According to 411’s own Rob McNew, who is live at the event, the place is packed and the crowd is hot.

PYRO! LIVE, from Chicago Illinois, it’s Judgment Day!

Umaga vs. CM Punk

Wait, so in Punk’s hometown and with Morrison-Benjamin on the card, you open with Punk? That tells me something about his briefcase. The crowd is molten, by the way. Hey Punk…

Is that new music for Umaga? Punk ducks an attack and lays in the shots. Umaga knocks him down but misses a splash, Punk hits some kicks. Knee to the gut by Umaga, he whips Punk in but drops his head and eats a boot. Punk tries a crossbody and gets caught in the windup slam. Shots in the corner by the Bulldozer. Punk tries to fight back but runs into an elbow. Whip to the corner hard, Punk is down. Umaga toys with him and whips him to the opposite corner. EVIL HEEL NERVE HOLD by Umaga. He lets Punk up and rams him shoulder-first to the post, then hits a snap mare and applies the nerve hold to the other shoulder. SYMMETRY~! He turns it into a top wristlock, Punk gets to his feet but Umaga just tosses him down and hits a kneedrop for 2. Punk rolls out of the ring and stands on the apron, Umaga jits a running Japanese Legitimate Businessman’s kick ($1 to Al Snow) sending Punk to the floor. Punk tries to come back in with a sunset flip, Umaga holds the ropes and drops down on Punk. For good measure, he does it again. Umaga looks smaller, he may be down to 350. Punk blocks the third attempt and STUPIDLY tries a body slam…yeah, that wasn’t gonna work as Umaga falls on him for 2. Back to the nerve hold. Punk punches his way out and comes off the ropes…into a throat thrust. Umaga climbs the ropes, damn Punk is virtually in Berwyn he’s so far across the ring! Umaga catches canvas! Punk with forearms, Umaga pushes him off and tries a charge but Punk low-bridges him! Slingshot crossbody to the outside! Back in the ring, Punk with a series of kicks and a kneelift. Jumping heel kick connects. Umaga throws Punk to the corner but rins into a boot.,, then gets the running knee! Bulldog countered by Umaga! Samoan Clam Bake….NO! Punk moves and hits the top rope bulldog!!! 1…2…No! Kick to the head by Punk! Slingshot clothesline! 1…2…2.778! Punk signals for the GTS, so he has clearly lost his damn mind. Samoan Drop! He’s even Samoan! 1…2…NO! Umaga gives Chicago the thumbs up bit misses the Spike! 3 huge roundhouses to the temple by Punk and Umaga won’t go down! He tries for the GTS again…still can’t get it. Superkick! CLAMBAKE! SPIKE! Forget it.

Winner: Umaga via pinfall (Samoan Spike)

Rating: **3/4 This was pretty good, although the result and the place on the card cheese me off. Losing to Umaga is no shame, and he’s being prepared for Taker anyway.

Chavo is backstage with Vickie and says that Cena is ready to go. Vickie tells her lovebunny that the match is on, and Show says that she is about to lose Cena to injury. It’s not good for business. Vickie says the company is bigger than Cena. If you take him out, someone will step up and take his place. BAHAHAHAHA sure. Edge walks in and we have a socailly awkward penguin moment.

ECW Title Match: Christian © vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger’s dealio on the entrance ramp makes him look like a retarded gorilla. GO! Chicago likes Christian a little bit.

Christian ducks the lockup and slaps Swagger, Swagger reverses a whip and Christian slides under the rope. Swagger tries to chade him and they run around the ring and back in. Chrstian tries the Killswitch early but Swagger fights it off. They lock up again and Swagger gets a waistlock takedown. Elbows by Christian to escape, he hits the ropes into a knee from Swagger. Whip chest-first by Swagger. Christian ducks a clothesline and low bridges a charging Swagger, then hits the baseball slide to Swagger. Flying attack to the outside! Christian rolls Swagger in and tries to enter himself, only to catch a kneelift. Swagger takes Christian up in a fireman’s carry and throws him into the corner post. Ouch. Back inside and Swagger gets 2. Body scissors applied! The school, she is old! Swagger releases the hold and just stamps on Christian. Sting-style back chops by Christian are cut short by another knee to the gut from Swagger. Swagger tries a running Vader splash in the corner…and EATS KNEES! Christian tries a comeback but gets caught in the Oklahoma Stampede…countered halfway as Christian gets out the back and slams Swagger’s head to the canvas for 2. Whip reversed, Swagger charges and Christian dodges! Twice! Christian up top…splash misses!!! Rollup by Swagger gets one only. Christian fights off the gutwrench powerbomb and leads Swagger a nerry chase with his speed. Swagger runs into the corner, Christian goes up top but Swagger LEAPS Shelton-style to the second rope and launches Christian off in a belly to belly for 2. Christian gets a small package for 2! That was a surprise. Double clothesline and both men are down. Swagger has Christian up for an electric chair…Christian fights out and stands on the turnbuckle…sunset flip countered! 1…2…no! Tornado DDT by Christian countered, Christian ducks the clothesline and gets a reverse tornado DDT instead! Stun gun by Swagger, he rolls Christian up and grabs the tights…1…2..ref catches him! Christian tries the Killswitch, Swagger counters with the full-flip back suplex! Gutwrench attempted Christian out the back and…pulls down Swagger’s straps? He gets the rollup and HOLDS THE SINGLET for the 3!!!

Winner: Christian via pinfall (singlet-assisted rollup)

Rating: **½ The weakest of their matches so far, but that’s not a bad thing since the others were all really good.

John Morrison vs. Shelton Benjamin

Haas is out with Benjamin. I can live with those two being back together as long as they both stay in the singles ranks. Surprisingly large pop for Morrison.

T-bone suplex right off the bat! Fireman’s carry takedown and an armbar by Shelton, made worse by a kick to the midsection. Shoulder block by Shelton, the run the ropes and Morrison gets a couple of right hands in before Shelton bails. Morrison fakes a dive to the outside and HOLY CHEESE FROM SWITZERLAND a 450 to the outside! Morrison goes back up top but gets crotched, Shelton then tires of his presence and kicks him in the face and to the floor. AWAY WITH THEE! Haas rolls him back in and Shelton gets a 2. Shelton drops a knee, hits a snap mare and applies a modified abdominal stretch. A back elbow gets 2. A series of boots laid in by Shelton, who then rubs Morrison’s face into the mat. Awesome. Modified camel clutch applied now, Morrison gets up but gets a knee to the face to take him back down. Sleeper applied by Shelton, Morrison does a great job selling it. Again Morrison fights out and applies a sleeper of his own! Shelton pushes him off and they collide. Both men are down, Shelton is up first and tries a back suplex…countered to a crossbody! 2 count only! Rights from Morrison, a whip and Morrison charges into a back elbow. Morrison comes back with a dropkick and a spinning move into the Russian legsweep for 2! Moonlight Drive is blocked and turned into a backbreaker for 2.

Shelton comes off the ropes into a high leg lariat. Stiff knee strike by Morrison gets 2! Whip, Shelton tries to go up and over but Morrison sees it coming and gets a kick, then tries the springboard headscissors…SHelton catches it! Corner powerbomb! Nice spot. 2 count. Paydirt blocked, Morrison gets a drop toehold sending Benjamin to the turnbuckle. Monkey flip but Benjamin lands on his feet! Haas is on the apron but gets kicked down! Shelton charges but Morrison moves!!! Springboard kick! STARSHIP PAIN! 3!

Winner: John Morrison via pinfall (Starship Pain)

Rating: ***¼ Many people will probably rate this lower, but I loved this match. It just hit the right parts of me.

DA MIZ is out. He wants to recognise the winner of the previous match, so give it up for Marty Jann…John Morrison. WIN. He knows Cena won’t answer his challenge tonight. WHAT WHAT WHAT you sound like a bunch of ducks!!!!! FUCKING MIZ IS MY FUCKING IDOL! Since he can’t face Cena tonight, he’s going to challenge someone who can be a substitute for Cena. Cena is overrated and disappointing, a loveable loser. Much like the Chicago Cubs. Keep it up, Miz my man. Miz points out the very Cena-like Alfonso Soriano, which sends half the crowd crazy and the other half booing. He mentions that Soriano does the Cena gesture after each homer, but he doesn’t know it means “You can’t see a world series ring playing for the Cubs!” Miz is now the most over man in St Louis and the other side of Chicago. Miz says if Soriano has an issue with him, he can either win a world series or step up and serve as a Cena surrogate. Miz pretends he’s getting a phone call and says it was Lou Piniella, who would rather he gets his yearly injuury on the field rather than off. Since Soriano is Cena’s substitute, it’s a forfeiture and the Miz is now 4-0.

SANTINO is out! He calls him Fizz. He cannot let Miz talk like that any more, because Soriano sounds like a fellow Italian. This is GOLD. Santino recently noticed that WWE superstars are starting to resemble animals. Vickie is a pig, and Vladimir Kozlov looks like Sam the American Eagle. Apparently Fizz looks like a jackass, complete with sound effects! Miz has no problem beating Santino down, but Santino hopes he brought a metal detector because he brought SOME GUNS!!! They brawl and the crowd buys right into it, cheering as soon as Santino gets on top and booing when Morrison is on top. Morrison finally hits a DDT and leaves the ring. Chavo is out now to berate Santino, then he goes up and hits a frog splash.

WWE IC Title Match: Rey Mysterio © vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho charges but gets taken down with a drop toehold right off the bat, then bails on the 619 attempt. HUGE Y2J chants. Jericho takes control with a boot. Snap mare and a kick to the spine by Jericho, Mysterio tries to come back but is quickly taken down. Jericho tries to throw him under the rope but Mysterio rolls and lands on his feet outside. Jeirchjo tries to follow and gets a basebal slide for his troubles. Rey in control on the outside but he gets whipped into the barricade. Back inside goes Rey, Jericho gets caught on the way in and is hanging over the middle rope…Mysterio hits the legdrop from the top! Whip reversed, Rey to the apron and tries to sprinboard in but gets pushed off. Rey landed awkwardly on his leg there. Springboard dropkick by Jericho sends Rey to the floor from the apron. Back inside Jericho gets 2 off a slingshot splash to the back, then locks in a chinlock. Rey fights out, he gets whipped and Jericho charges, Rey gets a boot up but Jericho catches it…ENZIGUIRI by Rey! 619 coming…Jericho gets a backdrop to counter. 2 count only and Rey goes to the outside. Rey tries a spinny move but Jericho holds him in an Argentine backbreaker and drops down! Back to his Mexico days for Jericho. Catapult into the rope by Jericho and that gets 2. Jericho toys with Rey before perching him on the top rope and going for the mask!?!!!? Rey knocks him off and hits the topr rope senton! Crossbody gets 2! Jericho tries a back body drop, Rey rolls through and kicks him square in the head for 2. Whip by Rey reversed, Jericho runs into an elbow. Rey tries another springboard but Jericho catches him for an electric chair…countered by Rey, then recountered into a Walls attempt, countered again! Rey hits the ropes and eats a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Another whip, Jericho tries the bulldog but Rey pushes him off and gets the headscissors! Jericho in position…619 misses! Rey tries the springboard rana, Jericho catches him! Walls attempted again, Rey kicks free!!! Another 619…NO! Countered to the Walls again, applied this time in the centre of the ring! The place goes nuts! Rey fights for the ropes but Jericho walks him back to the centre…inside cradle! 1…2…2.804! Rey comes off the ropes into another rana try…countered into a powerbomb! 2 only! He stacked him up on that one. Jericho laying in some shots, trying to slow the pace now. Another whip and Jericho goes face first to the turnbuckle. 619 IN THE CORNER! Splash! WINRAR!

Winner: Rey Mysterio via pinfall (619/splash combo)

Rating:*** Jericho gets back to his lucha roots and plays a good rudo, even going for the mask. Possibly my favourite Mysterio singles match ever, since I normally hate watching him.

WWE Title Match: Randy Orton © vs. Batista

Orton is out solo. Batista looks rather displeased, like he forgot his Preparation H this morning. As usual, Batista does not sync his machine gun pose to the lull in his music. How hard can it be?

Orton bails as the bell rings. Batista has stitches over his head, what’s the story there I wonder? Batista grabs a quick headlock, Orton pushes him off and eats a shoulder block, then bails again. Back inside Batista hits a big clothesline and a vertical suplex for 2. Forearm shiver to the back by Batista, followed by more shots to the lower back. These two guys would be impossible to tell apart if they wore plain black trunks. Same haircut, tons of tattoos…Orton catches Batista unawares and throws him to the outside, then hits a big dropkick as Batista comes back in. Orton follows Batista to the floor, and hits a back suplex on to the barricade! Nice. He rolls Batista back in and gets a 2 count. ORTON POSE~! Orton lays in some knee drops and gets a 2. Chinlock applied by Orton. Batista powers out but gets caught in the chinlock backbreaker for 2. Orton stomp time! Another chinlock by Orton, because if there’s one thing this match needed it was to get slower. Batista uses a back suplex to break the hold, but gets caught in a sleeper. He fights out but eats a BEE-YOUTIFUL dropkick from Orton. Batista is on the apron, he gets a couple of shoulders to the gut of Orton but the third finds Orton’s knee. Elevated DDT connects! 2 count only, and Orton is poised to strike. Orton is at his best with a guy who can pick up the pace, putting him with a Batista is asking for a dead crowd. Orton changes his mind and measures for the punt, but it’s countered with a flying cuddle attack, err I mean spear! They exchange rights in the middle of the ring, Batista whips Orton and runs into a boot, but shrugs it off and hits some shoudlers in the corner. Running clothesline, powerslam and a cover for 2. Orton bails and tells the ref to count him out. Batista is neither deaf nor stpid and goes out after Orton, who flees. He grasps the ring post for dear life but Batista beats him down and throws him in. BIG lariat gets 2. Snap mare ands a running boot to the face by Batista, Orton rolls outside again and snaps Batista’s neck over the top. Orton goes for a chair but Batista cuts him off before he can enter the ring with it. He rolls Orton inside…PATRIOT MISSILE from the top! Shades of Del Wilkes! Or Tom Brandi. 1…2…2.8576! Batista Bomb time…Orton bails, grabs his belt and walks off, but again Batista retrieves him. Orton tries a belt shot but Batista counters with a spinebuster! Batista Bomb try…Orton punches his way free, tries an RKO…COUNTERED! Orton eats the mat! Batista charges and gets nothing but cornerpost! Orton tries the RKO again but gets pushed off, almost into the ref! HE SLAPPED THE REF!! That’s a DQ and here come Legacy! I’m just waiting for the bullshit chant. Legacy are beating down Batista!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

FLAIR! FLAIR! Flair comes to the rescue! Batista Bomb to Orton! Chops to everyone! Batista and Flair stand tall!

Winner: Batista via DQ (bitch-slap to ref)

Rating: ** I was going to rate it far lower but the ending was very good, well except the cheap finish. These two just don’t click.

The Big Show vs. John Cena

Cena does not look happy. Can’t think why. Cena is a little hesitant to lock up now. Split crowd almost down the middle from the sound of it. Cena tries to kick Show in the chest but Shows catches the attempt and hits a BIG body shot. He lays in a couple more for fun and profit. Show tells Cena his career ends tonight. I have my doubts, Show. Cena fights back with some rights and he tries the flying shoulder block…and he bounces off. Show stands on Cena’s chest, which HAS to suck. Scoop slam by Show. One great thing about Big Show matches…really easy to keep up with the action. Show tries another slam but Cena slides out the back and hits some rights before being caught in a side slam for 2. Show tries a running kick but Cena moves, Show however saw that coming and throws Cena to the outside. He picks Cena up in a reverse body slam and rams him chest-first into the corner post.

McNew: Whatever you say about Cena there is an electricity in the building for his matches that isn’t here for the others.

Show measures Cena for the Camel Clutch, Cena escapes and tries the bulldog but Show ducks and Cena goes flying. It’s actually fun watching Show so casually avoid all of Cena’s offence, it makes up for the pedestrian pace of the match. While I read War and Peace, Show measures a body shot on Cena. I brew a pot of tea between that and a whip to the corner. Show charges and Cena gets the boots up, then climbs the ropes and leaps…into a bear hug. Headbutt but Show, followed by a whip. Seriously this is SLOW. Show tries an avalanche but eats turnbuckle. Shots by Cena, he comes off the ropes and hits the shoulder tackle to the knee! Somersault neckbreaker by Cena!!! You are unable to visually perceive my personage! Shuffle connects! GOOZLE by Show, countered to a DDT! STF attempted…Show fights it off and LEVELS Cena with a clothesline. Show is going to the middle rope…Vader Splash!!! 1…2…NO!!! Show goes up for a second! Cena moves!!! He tries the STF again but Show is too big! He pushes Cena off and out to the apron, Cena fights him off with a kick to the head and the top rope Rocker Dropper! STF tried again, Show elbows him off. Show busts out the ALLEY OOP! I love that move. Show measures for the knockout punch….ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: John Cena via pinfall (Attitude Adjustment)

Rating: **½ Show made this match enjoyable despite his plodding. Super Cena wins again!

Boy, good thing Show didn’t spend the match working on Cena’s ribs, or he might have had trouble…oh wait. I have it! The only man who can beat Cena is…

KRYPTO-NATE!!

World Title Match: Edge © vs. Jeff Hardy

Edge is out first and is looking intense. Hardy has already smeared his facepaint.

We’re underway! Hardy in control early with an armbar. Edge fights out with a boot and grabs a headlock, then takes down Hardy with a shoulder block. Hardy comes back with arm drags and back to the bar, then into a top wristlock. Edge pushes Hardy off and tries to charge him in the corner, Hardy goes up and over and gets another arm drag, then reapplies the armbar. Another whip by Edge, Hardy goes up and over again but hits a headscissors this time and goes back to the arm drag and bar. Edge backs him to the ropes and whips him in, but ends up on the apron. Hardy tries a kick, Edge catches it and Hardy hits the mule kick sending Edge to the floor. Tope con hilo to the outside by Hardy! Back in the ring and Hardy tries to Whisper in the Wind, but the wind changes direction and Hardy crashes and burns. Hardy is on the apron now, Edge whips him along the apron to the post and then charges and spears him in the back and to the floor! Edge throws him back in and lays in some shots to the back. 2 count for Edge. He hits a crossbody to Hardy’s back and gets 2 more. Edge applies a submission hold, Hardy fights out and tries for a Twist of Fate, Edge avoids it and hits the Edge-o-matic for 2. Hardy ducks a clothesline and hits a crossbody for 2! Jawbreaker and a gordbuster by Hardy,m and he goes to the top…crossbody misses badly! 2 count only for Edge. Edge plays to the crowd and it costs him as Hardy comes back with a pair of clotheslines, an inverted atomic and a leg drop for 2. Whip by Hardy, Edge avoids the charge and Hardy trips him. Crossbody from the top connects this time and gets 2. Whip by Hardy, Edge holds on and Hardy misses a dropkick. Small package by Hardy! 1…2…no! Edge goes for the Impaler DDT, countered…into a Sharpshooter by Jeff????? Sure, OK. Edge makes the ropes. Twist of Fate by Hardy! 1…2…2.861! Corner clohtesline by Hardy, who removes his shirt and tries the corner dropkick but Edge catches him! Powerbomb…reversed to a sunset flip! 1…2…NO! Hardy goes up again, Edge stops him with a shot and goes for a superplex. Jeff fights him off…SUNSET BOMB!! 1…2…2.9003! Hardy goes for the corner dropkick again, Edge tries to move but Hardy catches him anyway. Hardy is prepping the announce table for demolition! Not Ax and Smash. He rips the padding off the security wall and places Edge on the table, then runs the railing…into A SPEAR!!! Damn Hardy landed hard. Edge is back in as the ref counts, Hardy stirs at 6 and makes it back in to the ring at 9.332. Boots by EdgeHardy has rolled to the apron again. Edge charges for a spear, Hardy avoids it and hits a guillotine legdrop! Twist of Fate over the top rope!!! Slingshot legdrop!!! 1…2…Foot on the rope! Whip by Hardy reversed…Whisper in the Wind! 1…2…no!!! Both men on the outside, Edge is slumped on the security rail. Jeff positions the steps and hits a Poetry in Motion, sneding both men into the fans! MATT HARDY CREAMS JEFF OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THE CAST!!! Edge rolls him into the ring, 1…2…2.9237! Edge is frustrated, but measures for the Spear…misses! Hardy goes to the top, but he’s taken too much punishment and takes too long…Edge stops him! TOP ROPE IMPALER DDT! DAMN! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Edge via pinfall (top rope Impaler)

Rating: ***½ Once again Edge pulls out all the stops in the main and delivers the MOTN. Great effort from these two with an innovative finish.

McNew is pissed that Punk isn’t coming out. I wish JR would stop calling the finish a superplex…

Edge poses with the title as we go off air. That’s all from us, GOOD NIGHT FOLKS!