411's WWE Raw Report 05.18.09

Posted by Rob McNew on 05.18.2009

Ric Flair returns to Raw and calls out Randy Orton, John Cena interjects himself into the title picture but he's not quite done with Big Show yet, and Vickie Guerrero makes her in-ring debut in a match of the year contender.



-So after making the six hour trek down I-80 and the Reagan Tollway to Suburban Chicago for Judgment Day last night I'm back here in the comfort of my own home here in lovely Iowa for tonight's edition of Monday Night Raw. Judgment Day continued its tradition of being largely irrelevant as it now serves only to set up Extreme Rules as I'm sure we'll start to see a variety of rematches announced tonight in various gimmick matches. Remember if you can't get enough 411 be sure to bookmark us or add us as your homepage. For all your social networking needs you can follow us on twitter or be a fan on facebook.

-Live from Freedom Hall in Louisville, KY

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-WWE Champion Randy Orton heads to the ring for the Triple H memorial opening heel promo. Orton says we can all see that he is still WWE Champion. Last night he says he wasn't just looking to retain his title, but he was looking to take Batista out for good. When he was about to accomplish that he was stopped by Ric Flair. He says he should have expected it, because Flair was never that fond of him during the Evolution days. He thought of him as a threat to HHH which he was, and he saw him as a threat to his legacy which he is. He says that's why he punted Flair in 2007, and if he hadn't maybe he would have beaten Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania and he'd still be wrestling. He says he's now kicked all of Evolution in the skull, and they all come back for retribution but they never get it. He tells Flair if he thinks he saved Batista last night all he did was delay the inevitable. He dares Flair to get in his business again, and so that brings out the Nature Boy for a retort. Flair does a little dance, and tells Randy he's got his eyes on him. He tells Orton he might still be the champion, but he didn't beat Batista. As a matter of fact the way Flair sees it, he was this close to losing, so he slapped the referee to get DQ'd. Well that's because that's what happened Ric. He says Randy talks about being a big man, but what makes him a big man now. Flair says when it comes to Evolution Randy was supposed to be the chose one, and he was supposed to be the man. Batista blew by him though, and never looked back and became the man. Flair tells him he might have his own little new group, but until he beats the man he's accomplished nothing. Orton says Flair is wrong, and the championship on his shoulder means that he is the man. He says he can beat Batista any time any place and anywhere. Flair answers with a WHOOOOO, and then says that's perfect. Flair says he talked to Vickie Guerrero, and she's pretty wrecked about her Championship match ending in DQ. Flair says he gave her an idea, and she liked it so much she made it official. Flair says in three weeks Orton will defend the title again against Batista. Flair says he won't have to worry about DQ's, count outs, Rhodes, Dibiase, or Flair, because this time it will be inside of a steel cage. Randy says since Flair was nice enough to deliver that message he has a message for Flair to deliver Batista from him. Orton attacks Flair from there, and Legacy comes wandering out slowly. Being their typical inept selves Batista attacks them before they ever get to the ring. Legacy quickly overpower Batista with the numbers game until John Cena enters himself into this storyline by coming out and making the save. Welcome back to the WWE Title picture Mr. Cena. We've missed you. Also, how sad is it that the only way they can get a good promo out of Batista is to have Flair deliver it?

-Josh Mathews asks John Cena why he interjected himself in the previous segment. He says his critics say he lost a step, but last night he overcame the odds (hold your jokes please) by defeating Big Show. He says the critics were silenced, and the fans can take pride that he won't let them down. He says let the best man at Extreme Rules, but they need to realize that its only a matter of time before the champ is here. Vickie interrupts, and says he acts like he's ready to move on, but she'll address that later. She says based on what she just saw tonights main event is Batista and Cena vs. Legacy. Cena goes with the Ghostbusters line of sarcastically telling her she can't do that as it will be "dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria." He then says he's just kidding, and that he loves it.

Diva's Battle Royal: Participants-Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes, Jillian Hall, & Mickie James
Winner gets a title shot at Maryse who is on commentary at ringside. Big Brawl to start, stunning I know. Mickie dumps Rosa in short order, and Beth tosses a Bella. Jillian hits a handspring elbow in the corner as Beth tosses the other Bella. Mickie throws out Jillian with a hurracanrana, and then hits Beth with a Lou Thesz Press. Beth comes back, and ties her up in the tree of woe. Kelly attacks Beth from behind, but that just serves to piss Beth off. She tries to throw Kelly out, but Kelly slides down the back and throws out Beth. Beth tries to get back at Kelly, but in the meantime Maryse gets up from the commentary position and sprays perfume in Mickie's face blinding her. Kelly turns around and casually pushes Mickie to the floor winning the match and thus guaranteeing the hottest wrestling match ever at 2:33. I like blondes. Sue me.
Winner: Kelly Kelly (last eliminates Mickie James DUD)

Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero
Chavo attacks with a boot early, and a European upper cut. Chavo hits an atomic drop, and Santino feigns injury. He has some apparent ass cramping, and needs to walk it off. He hilariously hits the ropes until Chavo levels him with a right hand. Chavo continues on the offensive choking Santino out on the second rope, and then hitting a snap mare. Chavo grabs a bow and arrow, but Santino nearly powers out before being thrown back to the mat. Chavo smacks Santino around a bit, but it just serves to cause him to Santino Up. Santino uses a right hand and an elbow, and starts to realize that what he's doing works. This is hilarious. Santino hits a backdrop, but then charges into a boot. Chavo goes for a frog splash, but Santino rolls out of the way. Chavo charges at Santino who ducks and Chavo runs headfirst into the buckle knocking him out. Santino rolls him up in the jackknife cover to get the win at 3:35 shocking everyone including himself. This was actually pretty funny with Santino realizing his offense was actually working for once. After the match Chavo tells Santino his sister better get dressed because she's defending her Miss Wrestlemania title tonight against his Aunt Vickie. Santino's reply? "I can be…I mean my sister can beat Vickie!" This really shouldn't be the most entertaining thing on the show right now, but it is.
Winner: Santino Marella (Pinfall-Jackknife Rollup ½*)

-Maryse is talking in French to Miz who has no idea what she is saying, but thinks it's really hot. Miz says he's 4-0 against John Cena, and she needs to tell her friends in whatever language she speaks that they need to watch what he's has in store for Cena tonight.

-Josh Mathews talks to Matt Hardy, and asks him about costing Jeff the World Title last night, and convienently having a US Title match tonight. Hardy ask's what Josh's point is, and Josh points out that since Vickie is married to Edge… Matt stops him and brings up that Jeff broke his arm, and he says all the pain in his hand reminds him of what Jeff did to him. He says there was going to be no way he was going to allow Jeff to have the glory that he deserves. He says Vickie's a fair GM who has erased his loss to Kofi Kingston from the record books, and the only reason she's granting him a US title match is because he's earned it.

-Vickie asks Chavo what he was thinking, and says Chavo can't make a match period nonetheless one with her in it. Chavo says he let his temper get the best of him but he's got a plan. Randy Orton barges in and asks what does she think she's doing. He says he's the WWE Champion, and she doesn't go around making cage matches without consulting him first. She reminds him that she's the boss and she answers to no one. She says Batista beat him by DQ, and she needs to make sure she has a match that guarantees that won't happen again. She says if she were him she'd be worrying about her match tonight. He says if he was her he'd be worried about staying on his good side.

The Colons vs. The Brian Kendrick & Goldust
Did Goldust turn heel or something since Thursday? Goldust starts with Carlito and hits a pair of shoulderblocks for one. They trade more armdrags, and Kendrick chastises him and tags himself in as Lawler takes a shot at the Nuggets owner. Kendrick takes down Carlito and grabs a headlock, which he turns into a modified Dragon Sleeper. Kendrick pushes Carlito into the corner, and then yells at Goldust for not attacking Carlito. Carlito hits a dropkick and tags in Primo, who hits the ropes with a back elbow. Side Russian legsweep gets a two count for Primo, but Kendrick comes back with a chinbuster. Kendrick goes for sliced bread, but in what is becoming a theme gets thrown off. Primo hits a springboard crossbody to finish at 2:25. Kendrick blames Goldust for blowing it, and then gets attacked by Hornswoggle. Horny kicks him in the shin, and then Goldust uses Hornswoggle to kick Kendrick out of the ring. Goldwoggle has some serious potential.
Winners: The Colons (Primo pins Kendrick-Springboard Crossbody *)

-We see The Miz dressed as John Cena heading to the ring

-The Miz comes out complete in full Cena garb, and old school Cena music. Miz says the big news coming off of Judgment Day is that Miz is now 4-0 against John Cena. He says Cena still wont come out and fight him, so that's why he's dressed the way he is. Cena used to have a rap song called "Word Life" but he made a remix to better suit John Cena. Its called "Nerd Life" the story of John Cena. Cena stood in line to see Star Trek, and didn't touch a booby. Pretty funny rhymes, and I can't recap them all. Look it up on youtube or something as its definitely worth it. Basically the jist is Cena is a nerd and a poser and Miz is the new big star on Raw. Once the song is over Miz declares himself 5-0 over Cena. Lawler of all people interrupts, and Miz tells the fans chanting "Jerry" this isn't Springer. Jerry says just because he calls someone out, and they don't show that doesn't mean he gets a victory. Lawler calls out Batista to make a point, and when Batista doesn't show up he asks if that makes him 1-0. Lawler says to further his point he's going to call out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, and Stone Cold for a 3 on 1 handicap match. Ok, Jerry we get the point. Lawler says with Miz's weird logic he just got a victory over those three. Lawler says Miz is just talking out of his rear end, and if he wants a match with Cena to go ask Vickie for one. Miz says he's talking out of his rear end like Lawler does on commentary every week. Miz says maybe Lawler is right, and maybe he will go talk to Vickie Guerrero. That brings out Big Show as this segment gets even more bizarre. Show tells Miz that make believe time is over. Show says Cena may think that he's done with him, but he's not done with Cena by far. He says Vickie just made a match at Extreme Rules that Cena physically can't win. A submission match. So until then Miz will have wait. Miz says he can wait to beat Cena. He'll wait until Cena is done beating him. That of course enrages Show who goes after Miz, but Miz shoves Lawler in front of him and heads for higher ground. Show attacks Lawler, and chokes him out in the modified camel clutch. This was great until Show and Lawler got involved. Then it just became…odd.

-Jim Ross joins Michael Cole on commentary for the remainder of the night. Too bad, they attacked the wrong announcer.

WWE United States Championship: Matt Hardy vs. Montel Vontavious Porter ©
Jim Ross takes a shot at the Nuggets owner claiming that Vickie Guerrero conducts herself somewhat like he does. Somewhat dubious. Oh, that silly Vince, always taking the high road. MVP rolls up Matt right away for two, and Matt answers with a small package for one. MVP delivers a few knees to the mid section, and then suplexes Matt inside from the apron for two. Matt goes for the twist of fate, but MVP counters into a backslide for two. Matt comes back with a side effect for two, and then starts to undo the turnbuckle pad. The ref stops him so he clips MVP's knee with the cast for two. Matt begins working the now injured knee wrapping it around the bottom rope, and then sliding to the floor to elbow it on the apron. Matt continues the leg work by wrapping it around the ringpost getting a two count. Matt wraps the knee around the ropes, and delivers a kick to continue the work. Matt charges in the corner, but MVP kicks him away and then dives off the second rope with a clothesline. MVP ducks a clothesline and fires away with a series of right hands. Sidewalk slam by MVP gets a two count, and then a facebuster connects. MVP delivers the ballin elbow, all while continuing to sell the injured leg for two, but as he goes back after Matt he gets pulled to the floor. Matt goes out after him, and tries to deliver a shot with the cast. MVP moves though and Matt hits the post. MVP blasts the arm over the ringsteps before they head back inside. MVP stomps on the broken hand, and then delivers the drive by boot. Playmaker finishes for MVP at 5:17. MVP did a good job of selling the leg until the end. Probably should have left the drive by in the bag for today. Good match for the time it got though. These two have good chemistry.
Winner: STILL WWE United States Champion-Montel Vontavious Porter (Pinfall-Playmaker **1/4)

-Flair tells Batista next week he's gonna call Orton out next week. Just because he's retired doesn't mean he can't fight. Batista tells him he's retired, and he's the greatest wrestler ever. He doesn't have anything to prove. Flair says he was punched out, and asks why Batista is giving him that look that everyone else gives him. Batista tells him he's retired, but Flair says he doesn't want to be retired. Flair tells him he was punched out on Raw, and says he knows whats going. He asks if Batista doesn't think he can do it, but tells him he can still beat up 90% of the guys on this show. Next week he's gonna beat up Orton. Flair tells him if he's lost confidence in him he can go out by himself tonight. Uh oh…he's really coming back isn't he?

-Chavo is working with Vickie on some moves and is trying to teach her how to do a frog splash. We see Vickie standing on the furniture, and she says she can't hit a frogsplash. She tells him the match is off. Santina shows up and says it's a shame because he was looking forward to it. Santina says it would be fitting if she hit that move because the only way she'd beat him is if pigs fly. That pisses Vickie off enough to accept the match. So Santina squeals like a pig and says that's good luck in her language. Chavo tells Vickie to trust him and that everything is going to work out.

Miss Wrestlemania Crown Match: Santina Marella © vs. Vickie Guerrero (w. Chavo Guerrero)
JR says of all the matches he's ever called this might be the biggest. Look out Undertaker and Shawn you may have company in the match of the year race. JR busts out the bowling shoe ugly line before the bell even rings, and says thank god its not an ironman match. Santina grabs the mic and says he can tell that Vickie is jealous of her body. Vickie slaps her, and then he says he announced he was a lesbian, but what she doesn't know is she's a lesbian who likes it rough. She kisses Vickie, and then spits saying she never tasted nothing like that before in her life. Actually she did and she thinks it was called the other white meat. Chavo grabs the mic and says this is now no disqualification. Chavo attacks from behind, and delivers a European uppercut. Chavo mounts Santina and delivers a few right hands, and then they trade offensive positions much like the Miz/Santino encounter from last night. Chavo charges and gets backdropped over the top rope leaving only Santina and Vickie. William Regal attacks out of nowhere with an exploder suplex, and a running knee. Vickie covers and picks up the victory at 1:30. Whatever. Vickie gives us a seductive dance as the Kid Rock music plays and I run for the toilet to throw up my dinner. The only redeeming quality of this is JR's hilariously sarcastic commentary.
Winner: NEW Miss Wrestlemania-Vickie Guerrero (Pinfall-Regal Knee -*****)

Handicap Match: The Legacy vs. Batista & John Cena
Legacy Rule #13. Never walk faster than Randy. This feels like more like the dark match or house show main event. Cena starts with Rhodes, and grabs a side headlock. Cena follows a whip into the corner, but runs into an elbow from Rhodes who tags out to Orton. Cena hits the ropes and stops a backdrop with a kick, and he tags in Batista. Orton wants nothing to do with him so he tags in Dibiase. Dibiase hits the ropes and gets leveled with a clothesline from Batista. Rhodes comes in to save Dibiase from a running powerslam, but they both get clotheslined. Cena runs in and they both clothesline Dibiase and Rhodes over the top to the floor. Orton slides in to tease an RKO, but when he gets caught slides back outside as we head to break. Back from break and Orton covers Batista for a two. Orton stomp gets two, so he tags out to Dibiase. Batista tries to fire back, but Dibiase hits a drop toehold for two. Dibiase drops a trio of elbows for two, and grabs a reverse chinlock. Batista fights out of the headlock, but charges into a boot from Dibiase who then tags out to Rhodes. Rhodes delivers a pair of stomps for two, and then tags Dibiase back in. Dibiase mounts with a series of right hands, and grabs another reverse chinlock. Batista shoves him into the ropes, and they collide head to head in the center. Rhodes tags in, but Batista makes the hot tag to Cena. Pair of shoulderblocks from Cena set up the protoplex. Five knuckle shuffle connects, and sets up an Attitude Adjustment which connects but not before Rhodes tags out Orton. Orton attacks Cena during the cover and pounds him down to the mat. Orton drops a knee, and then chokes out Cena against the ropes. The ref pulls Orton away so Dibiase delivers a cheap shot kick to the head. Orton goes back to the chokes and again Dibiase gets a kick in. Orton delivers a pair of stomps to the gut, and then tags in Dibiase. Dibiase tries a double stomp off the second rope which misses, but Dibiase comes right back with the clothesline as Cena went for the tag. Dibiase hits a few million dollar fistdrops for two, and then pulls Cena into the Legacy corner. Rhodes tags in and delivers a snap mare into a crossface chickenwing. Cena powers out of that, and then whips Cody into the corner. Cena charges but comes up empty, and Cody delivers a big standing moonsault off the top for two. Orton tags in and hammers Cena down with a series of forearms. Dibiase gets another cheapshot as the ref pulls Orton away. Cena fires back, but runs into a beautiful dropkick from Orton for two. Orton grabs a reverse chinlock, but Cena stands up and is able to pull Orton over allowing him to make the tag to Batista. Batista comes in with a powerslam for two, and meanwhile Big Show runs out and Cena chases him off with a chair. Batista delivers a spinebuster, and then throws Cody out of the ring. We see Cody come flying back in out of nowhere, and its discovered that Flair is the one who threw him in. It would have been much better if it was just Cody flying randomly. Batista hits the spear on Orton, and that finishes at 14:44. Pretty good match even if it ended up being Batista taking out Legacy relatively clean after Cena bailed. Batista and Flair celebrate in the ring as we head out for the evening.
Winners: Batista & John Cena (Batista pins Orton-Spear ***)

-While better then the past two weeks this still isn't anything I'd call good right now. It seems they are just throwing a bunch of things against the wall to see what sticks. The stuff with Miz is good, although everything getting no sold by Lawler and Show kind of killed that momentum. They've brought in Flair because don't really care about Batista without him. They don't know if they want Orton to be a chickenshit heel or a monster heel. There are some small signs of light, but it might be a while before the potential starts shining through. We'll see you next week from somewhere. We just don't know where yet, and neither do they. Kind of like the show itself.