411’s WWE Raw Report 06.01.09

-Last week we saw the thrilling return to Monday night’s of Mr. Kennedy who interjected himself into the title hunt, and hopefully gave the stagnant Raw main event scene the shot in the arm it so richly needed. Tonight Mr. Ke…oh, he got fired? Well then nevermind. I guess this means plenty more Legacy vs. Batista, Cena vs. Show, and Vince making fun of the Nuggets. Yipee…

-Live from Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex in Birmingham, AL

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

-We start right off without pyro or ballyhoo, and find Orton and Legacy inside of the steel cage. Orton says Sunday at Extreme Rules he will defend the title inside of a cage against Batista. He asks if we think he should be worried, and as usual we have no idea what we’re talking about. He says Batista should be worried about him, because he’s the one that kicked him in the skull. He’s the one that made sure he wasn’t at Wrestlemania, and he’s going to be the one who gives Batista the biggest beating of his miserable life. He says in a cage there are no rules, and that means he can do whatever he wants. He says he’s sure Batista disagrees, and he’d love to prove him wrong. He says in a few minutes he’ll get his chance. He says tonight by order of Vickie Guerrero Batista has a cage match tonight. Orton pulls out a coin and says heads he’ll face Cody Rhodes, and tails he’ll be facing Ted Dibiase. It lands on heads which means Cody is the sacrificial lamb tonight. Cody says he knows exactly what to do. His father was in some of the greatest cage matches of all time, and cage matches are in his blood. He has no problem giving Batista a preview of what Orton will do to him Sunday. Orton says speaking of Sunday he will give us all an image of what we need to be accustomed to. With that Orton exits the cage, and he says the image is him walking out the cage door still WWE Champion. Ric Flair interrupts with about 15 whooo’s, and says he’s out here to tell Orton what he’s going to do to him tonight. Orton says he doesn’t get it. Flair is retired, and can’t compete anymore. Flair says Orton is a punk, and always has been a punk. Flair says he knows he can’t compete in the ring, but he’s still The Nature Boy. Flair says he’s going to walk out every week and call him out until he grows a set and faces him one on one. Orton asks what he doesn’t understand about being retired. Flair asks what he doesn’t understand about being a man. Flair challenges him to match Rocky V style in the parking lot. Flair goads Orton by screaming “Punk, Punk, Punk” and somewhere a Pepsi machine near you someone says “I didn’t think I was booked tonight.” Orton accepts the challenge, and says tonight will be a night he’ll never forget, because it will be one he won’t be able to remember. Does that make any sense?

Steel Cage Match: Cody Rhodes vs. Batista
Cody tries to throw Batista into the cage early, but gets shoved away so Cody attempts to climb out quickly. Batista pulls him down, so Cody attacks with a boot and DDT attempt. Batista casually blocks it, and then rams the back of the head of Cody into the cage. Batista steps on the head of Cody against the cage. Batista rams a few shoulders into Cody, and then fires him into the cage. Spear connects by Batista, and Orton decides to come back out to get a closer look. Batista delivers a spinebuster as he stares down Orton, and then shakes the ropes Warrior style. During that Rhodes tries to escape over the top, but gets caught and Batista Bombed which finishes the slaughter at 3:10. I realize the goal here is to put over Batista strong before he goes down on Sunday, but if the ultimate goal of Legacy is to get Rhodes and Dibiase over then its a miserable failure.
Winner: Batista (Pinfall-Batista Bomb 1/2*)

-Vickie talks to Big Show about his match with he and Miz vs. Cena and his mystery opponent. Show says he doesn’t like The Miz, and doesn’t like his bogus winning streak. Chavo says its no big deal, because he won’t have a lot of chemistry with his partner either. Vickie says Show can select Cena’s partner at random from a bag full of all Raw superstars. Show pulls out Chavo’s name, and they all have a big laugh. Except Show who promises to hurt Cena, and even Chavo if he gets in his way.

Kelly Kelly & Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix & Maryse (w. Rosa Mendes)
Mickie goes after Maryse and chases her to the floor at the bell, and then starts the match with Beth. They trade counters with Mickie hitting a pair of dropkicks for two. Mickie grabs an armbar, and tags in Kelly. Beth takes control with a boot to the gut, and then a press slam. Kelly slides out of that, and hits a hurracanrana for two. Beth comes back with a backbreaker for two, and then makes the tag to Maryse. Maryse delivers a forearm, and then locks in the reverse chinlock. Kelly comes back with an enzaguri, but Beth makes the save. Mickie dives off the top with the bombs away chasing Beth to the floor, and Rosa gets up on the apron distracting the re. Beth pulls Mickie down from the apron, and from behind Maryse delivers a DDT to Kelly to pick up the win at 2:57. Better then the past few weeks effort from the divas. And by better I mean this one wasn’t totally industry exposing.
Winner: Beth Phoenix & Maryse (Maryse pins Kelly-DDT *)

The Colons vs. William Regal & Matt Hardy
A sign in the crowd confirms what we already knew. Carlito’s number one fan is in fact an overweight white guy from Alabama. That’s gotta be an upset. Regal starts with Primo, and delivers a forearm to the face before stomping him a bit in the corner. Regal connects with a series of knees, and then makes the tag to Matt. A forearm from Matt gets a two count, and that is followed up by a pair of back elbows in the corner. Primo gets rammed into the top buckle, and Regal tags back in as the heels deliver a double elbow. Kneedrop gets two for Regal, who grabs a half nelson chinlock combo. Regal delivers another forearm for two, and then tags in Matt. He chokes out Primo in the corner with his boot, and tags Regal right back in. Primo starts to fight back, but gets hit with the exploder suplex from Regal. Matt tags himself in to make the cover for two, and follows up with a bodyslam. Hardymania runs wild as Matt hits a pair of legdrops, but the third attempt misses. Regal tags in, but he can’t stop Carlito from tagging in. Carlito hits a springboard dropkick, and a bodyslam. Carlito hits a legdrop, and then a springboard back elbow for two. Matt makes the save which draws in Primo who gets put out by the referee. Regal goes to ram Carlito into Matt’s cast, but the attempt is blocked by Carlito who instead sends Regal into the cast. Backstabber makes the finish academic for the Colons at 4:21. Pretty good action for the short time it got. Regal and Matt tease dissension after the match, and nearly come to blows before nothing comes of it.
Winners: The Colons (Carlito pins Regal-Backstabber **)

-Flair waits for Orton in the parking lot, only to get interrupted by Batista. Flair tells him not to say a word, and tells him he should be thanking him for beating Orton’s brains out before he gets to Extreme Rules. Batista says he doesn’t have anything to prove, but Flair says thats the point. He says people have forgotten. He said he’d never retire, but he had to. He misses what he loved his entire life. He always went to the ring knowing he was the best there ever was. He says he goes to bed every night wanting to be Ric Flair just one more time. Batista laughs it off and says he’s still the man, but Flair again cuts him off saying if he says he’s the man one more time he’s going to vomit. He says people forgot what he used to be, and he needs to prove it to himself. He asks Batista to let Ric Flair be himself one last time. He promises he’ll wear Orton out, and he’ll make Batista proud. He asks Batista not to be his hero or his running mate, but he needs him to believe in him. Batista tells him he loves him, and he will always believe in him.

-Matt Hardy and William Regal speak to Vickie in the office asking for another chance at the Colons. Vickie says she doesn’t owe them anything, but Matt says they have a plan. Tonight she’ll go one on one with Santino Marella. Vickie doesn’t like that idea, but Regal calms her down by saying she can do this in a warmup match tonight. Matt says he can trust her, and whispers something in her ear. Vickie says she likes it and laughs it off with a few snorts for good measure.

-Cena finds Chavo working out in the back, and stares him down as he walks off.

-The Miz is out for a short promo before his match and says its a golden age in the WWE because he’s 6-0 against the sellout corporate brown noser John Cena. He says Cena has captured the hearts of millions of nine year old kids, but he’ll never get his self respect back. He says the kids love Cena like they love The Jonas Brothers and Sponge Bob Square Pants. He congratulates Cena for being in the same category as Hanna Montana. He says The Miz is in a category all by himself, and he tells the fans to look at the person on their right and left. Then he asks everyone to look at the man in the ring, because that is what a winner looks like. He says tonight he will go 7-0, because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.

The Miz & The Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero & John Cena
Chavo politely allows Cena to start the match, and Show equally as sportsmanlike politely asks his partner Miz to start the match on the apron. Cena attacks early, but runs into a side slam from Show. Show attacks with the right hands, and then delivers a bodyslam. Show delivers a headbutt, and goes for his camel clutch. Cena slides out, and goes for the STF unsuccessfully as Show kicks him all the way to the floor. Miz throws Cena into the table, and that draws the ire of Show who screams at Miz for touching Cena. Miz hilariously cries “we’re a team” but Show is having none of that. Back inside Show delivers a headbutt, but misses a charge. Cena goes for a slam, but can’t hold him as Show collapses on top for two. Show delivers a pair of elbow drops, but when he hits the ropes Miz tags himself in. Show delivers a legdrop, and Miz slithers in for a two count. Miz delivers a pair of back elbows, and then hammers Cena down in the corner. Miz hits a running corner clothesline, and continues pounding and stomping Cena in the corner. Miz covers for two, but Cena fights back with a series of rights. Running shoulderblocks, and a protoplex set up the five knuckle shuffle. Cena delivers the Attitude Adjuster, but Show comes in and delivers a chokeslam. Show pulls Miz to his corner, and asks for a tag. Miz refuses so gets knocked the fuck out by Show. Chavo then tags himself in and runs over hilariously getting the pin at 4:53. After the match Cena gives Chavo the Attitude Adjuster, but gets knocked out by Show while attempting a second rope dive. After the knockout punch Show locks in his modified camel clutch for good measure. This was actually a lot of fun for the time it got given the dynamic of the partners.
Winners: Chavo Guerrero & John Cena (Chavo pins Miz-Knockout Punch from Show **1/4)

-Josh Mathews brings in Kofi and MVP for an interview. MVP says he earned a shot at the US Title, and that impresses him. Kofi says MVP has been impressive too since joining Raw. Mathews asks them who’s going to win, and they both pick themselves. MVP asks him if he’s been drinking too much Red Stripe, but Kofi responds by saying there’s nothing wrong with being Ex-Champion. It will give him and his prom date Sheri Shepard something to talk about next time he’s on The View. Whoa! Holy Personality Batman! MVP says just because he respects him doesn’t mean he’s not going to beat him. Kofi says we’ll have to find out. I really liked this quick segment. Old school babyface prematch promo, and we actually saw that Kofi is more than the dancing fool we’ve seen for the past year or so. Good stuff.

WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston vs. Montel Vontavious Porter (c)
MVP grabs an armwringer at the outset, and holds on as Kofi tries to flip out of it. Kofi finally kicks his way loose, and grabs a side headlock takeover. MVP counters with a headscissor, and Kofi nips up to break. Kofi goes back to the side headlock, and then hits a backslide for two. Rollup for Kofi gets another two, and he follows up with a dropkick as we head to break. Back from break with MVP in control with a go behind on the mat. Kofi elbows out, and hits a back elbow as MVP hits the ropes. Kofi leaps to the second rope and delivers a hurracanrana for two. MVP comes right back with a running big boot for two, and then a bodyslam sets up the ballin’ elbow for another two count. MVP sends Kofi to the corner, but Kofi sides steps a charge and hits a helicopter kick from the apron. Kofi heads to the top but gets caught allowing MVP to deliver a superplex for two. European uppercut connects for MVP, but Kofi crucifixes into a sunset flip. That leads to a series of near fall reversals, and then a double clothesline puts both guys out. Back to their feet MVP catches Kofi with a bridging German Suplex for two. Kofi hits modified legsweep into a pinning combo for two, but misses a dropkick. MVP goes for the playmaker, which is reversed by Kofi. Trouble in paradise misses for Kofi, but he goes for a victory roll. MVP sits back on it for two, but Kofi reverses that into a pin combo finishing the victory roll to pick up the win and the title at 11:19. After the match MVP presents the belt to the new champion, as he hopefully hands off the midcard title on his way to the main event. Easily the best match on Raw in weeks.
Winner: NEW WWE United States Champion-Kofi Kingston (Pinfall-Victory Roll ***1/2)

-Dibiase asks Orton in the back why he’s doing this. Randy asks if he thinks he can beat Flair, and Dibiase tells him if it was a wrestling match it would be a no contest. But its not. Its a fight to the finish in the parking lot and anything can happen. He says Flair is desperate because he hates himself for being retired. Not to mention being the dirtiest player in the game. Dibiase tells him he has everything to lose and nothing to gain, and what would happen if he gets hurt and loses his title to Batista. Orton says there is nothing to worry about, and tonight will be a preview for Batista when he faces him in a cage. Dibiase leaves him by saying thats exactly what Cody said. Pretty strong promo from Dibiase who is so clearly the breakout star of the Priceless duo its not even funny.

Vickie Guerrero vs. Santino Marella
Vickie comes out carrying a pair of slop buckets, and somewhere Henry Godwin screams gimmick infringement. We get a quick look back at the previous WWE hogpen matches. Of course though they don’t actually show us who wrestled in said matches. Santino checks out the slop bucket, and threatens to slop Vickie. Of course Regal and Matt try to jump him from behind, but Santino outsmarts them and slops Regal instead. That earns him a beatdown courtesy of the heels, as Regal hits the exploder suplex. The Ace Cowboy Matt Hardy knocks out Santino with the cast, and Vickie thanks them for their services. Vickie grabs the other slop bucket, and as she laughs wicked witch of the west style dumps the slop on Santino’s junk. She continues by dumping the bucket of slop all over the fallen Santino, and stands over him waving at her “adoring fans.” Not nearly as funny as it could have been.
No Match

-Lawler and Cole go over the card for Extreme Rules in ring. Hardy-Edge Ladder Match, Jericho-Mystero No Holds Barred, Show-Cena Submission Match, and Orton-Batista Cage Match are featured as the cage closes around Cole and King. That should be the main event tonight. Cole vs. Lawler in a cage.

-Orton heads to the parking lot looking for Flair. We see Flair come sneaking up from behind a car, and he rams Randy into a garage door. Flair rips his t-shirt off and delivers a few chops. Orton fights back with a boot, but Flair is back with a chop. Flair rams Orton into a guardrail, and steps on the head of Orton. Orton comes back and throws Flair through a bunch of storage equipment, but Flair is right back putting Orton on a rolling case and sliding him into a table. Flair delivers another chop, and then drives him headfirst into a table. They continue the fight through the back into an area that is so dimly lit we can’t see what’s going on. They fight into the arena, and Orton rams Flair into bleachers. Orton puts the boots to Flair by the stage, and then throws him onto the ramp. Orton delivers the Orton stomp to Flair on the ramp, and then mounts with a series of right hands. Orton tries to throw Flair off the stage, but Ric fights back with a low blow. Flair comes back with a kick to the ribs, and a pair of stomps. Flair chops Orton down the ramp towards the ring, and then delivers a series of right hands. Orton gets busted open, as Flair rams him head first into the cage. Flair continues to chop Orton, and then rams him face first into the ringsteps. Flair continues to chop Orton, and then clears off the announce table. Flair again rams Orton into the cage, and throws away the monitors on the table. Flair puts Orton on the table and punches away at the open wound. Flair climbs up on the table and delivers a low blow to Orton and then stomps at Orton’s knee. Flair locks in the figure four on the announce table, and finally Legacy runs out to save Orton. Rhodes and Dibiase demolish Flair ramming him into the cage, and then throwing him inside. It should be noted that they did strictly adhere to Legacy rules as only Dibiase is wearing a shirt. They deliver a double suplex to Flair, as Orton screams instructions from the floor. Orton climbs in the cage and orders Rhodes and Dibiase to lock the door. Where the hell is Batista by the way? Hitting on divas in the locker room or something. Orton screams at Flair, as FINALLY Batista wanders out to make the save. Legacy scurries through the crowd, as Batista tries to break through the door. Apparantely he is physically unable to actually climb the cage. Batista finally realizes the cage doesn’t have a top and starts to climb, but Orton delivers an RKO. Batista stops climbing and just screams “RIC!!!” from the floor as Orton stands over the fallen Flair. Batista tells Orton he has to come out sometime, but Orton gets that look in his eye. Orton connects with punt, and Batista promises to tear Orton apart. Orton stares him down from inside the cage as we head out.

-MUCH better effort this week from Raw. Its still got a ways to go to get fully back on track, but tonight was a big step in the right direction. Ignoring the stupidity of Batista not being able to get in the cage when we’ve seen everyone and their brother over the years climb those things the final segment while a little to drawn out did have a great conclusion. Orton looks as sinister as ever, and we have every reason to believe Batista is out for blood at Extreme Rules. For the rest of the show Kofi-MVP was gold, and the Cena tag match was better than it had any right being. So while not up to the hot streak they had before Wrestlemania this was still the best Raw in quite a while. Now the real question is was it an anomaly or the start of a trend?