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 411mania » Wrestling » TV Reports

411's TNA Impact Report 08.20.09
Posted by Shawn S. Lealos on 08.20.2009

Chris Lansdell is MIA this week, so you are stuck with me Shawn S. Lealos and this is the TNA Impact Report.

Before I get started I recently did an interview with Project Radio where we talked about District 9, the summer movie season and the current state of the WWE. CLICK HERE to listen to this interview.

The following matches have been announced for tonight's episode of TNA Impact:

  • X-Division Title Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Homicide

  • The Pope D'Angelo Dinero vs. Consequences Creed

  • Non-Title Street Fight: The British Invasion © vs. Beer Money

  • Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne

  • Traci Brooks vs. Awesome Kong vs. Sarita vs. Christy Hemme

  • Tables Match: Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan and Kurt Angle

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    And here we go...

    We start the show with a recap of the Pay-Per-View


    Mike Tenay explains that Don West has received a promotion and will no longer be a color commentator. I hate this because Don West was really coming into his own as a bad guy commentator but at least he is replaced by Taz and that should be great. I wonder if he is going to be a heel announcer based on his Samoa Joe connection.

    The Main Event Mafia open the show - SURPRISED? Taz says he respects the MEM but it is just a loose affiliation. Kurt Angle starts to talk but Matt Morgan's music starts and he heads to the ring with an axe handle! Morgan calls Angle a little man again and then he threatens to smash in Booker T's skull. Matt wants to know why Kurt screwed him and says if he doesn't answer he is swinging for the fences. Booker T is an idiot here. He looks like a complete fool. Kurt says when Matt kicked him in the head, he was worried about his life after that. Kurt says he was messed up in the head because of the kick and Matt stepped into the chair because he is inexperienced. He offers Matt a chance to "make it up" to the Mafia by teaming with each other to fight Team 3D in a table's match. Matt starts to hit Kurt anyway but then decides he trusts Kurt after all. It's pretty clear Matt has something up his sleeve after seeing the numbers game in the ring.

    A.J. Styles is here and doesn't want to talk to Lauren.

    Street Fight: The British Invasion vs. Beer Money Inc.

    The World Elite is on the way out but Earl Hebner sends everyone but Doug Williams and Brutus Magnus to the back. No Boozer Cruiser this week because Beer Money came through the fans with weapons. This is the James Storm I have always loved and Robert Roode seems to be fitting in well. Storm is hanging Williams by a bullrope and then the two hit a double suplex on the entrance ramp to Magnus.



    Apparently there is a new policy that gives the officials more power which is why they sent The World Elite to the back. Whle I was typing that, the Brits regained the advantage by tying Storm to the outside ring post. The fans are chanting USA, so I guess the only person they like here is Storm... Roode starts to fight back and gets hit with a trashcan, busting him open. Magnus has a plastic bag and places over Roode's face but another official runs out and unties Storm. 2X4 breaks over Williams's head and then he goes to town with a trashcan to both men. Storm is on fire!!!! Storm starts a ten count on Magnus but gets thrown out of the ring. Doug Williams moves in, bloody as hell and gets a beer bottle to the face for his troubles. DWI on the trashcan gets the pin on Magnus! Storm looks intense!!!!

    Great opening match (***)

    Lauren is with Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. Angelina "I don't know what you just said Lauren because I don't speak ugly." Magnificent. Love said tonight Madison will pay for costing her the belt.

    They recap Cody Deaner taking the belt from ODB.

    Mick Foley is talking to JB when Cody Deaner and ODB walk by. Cody "King of the Knockouts" Deaner says he deserves the title and Foley tries to intervene. JB takes a job at Nascar not being a sport. Deaner shows that to ASSUME makes an ASS of U and ME (along with doodie coming from the ASS). Foley said he read that on a t-shirt and that he will make a ruling on the matter next week on Impact. Oh, yea! Abyss shows up and Foley thanks him for the help and Foley gives him a present - donouts? - nope, a flannel shirt. Is he passing his spot on to Abyss? Foley "Chris, there is no crying in wrestling." The two agree that bleeding feels good. Yep, Abyss is the new Mankind, nothing new here.

    Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love

    Rayne still comes out to the Beautiful People music? Angelina Love races down and tears into Madison. She slams her into the steel steps and then lays in the boots. Holy hell, this is like nothing I have seen from Love before. She beats the crap out of her, rolls her into the ring and then pins her quickly. Velvet Sky comes down and they brown bag Madison. Tara and Christy Hemme race down to save Madison even though the beating was over with. Thanks girls. This beating was so bad I think Madison might be finished which should be no big loss with the incoming talent. Welcome back Scott D'Amore.

    (*) Just for the beating

    I can't watch a trailer for a film I want to see without mentioning it. Tim Burton presents...

    The Motor City Machineguns explain they have not been on Impact lately because they don't play Politics or kiss ass. They work for three reasons: Entertaining the fans, Getting Paid and Getting Laid. They are selling themselves off for $2000 an hour just to hang out with you. They will even throw in a ShamWow®. I like seeing the MCMG but I would rather see them in the ring - winning matches.

    Backstage the Beautiful People are once again trying to kill Madison Rayne.

    X-Division Championship: Samoa Joe vs. Homicide

    I hate that Homicide was just a transitional champion but I am also glad Samoa Joe is a champion again. Damn it. This should be a pretty good rematch based on their history. Taz jokes he needs to get his towel back from Joe. I have noticed none of the announcing has annoyed me yet, so that is good. Maybe Mike Tenay was only annoying because of Don West. This might be a good thing. We come back from commercial and the two are fighting. Joe goes outside and Homicide hits him with a tope. They are back in the ring and Homicide keeps the offense until Joe drops Homicide's head on the buckle, hits a clothesline and then some hard knees. The two start trading punches and Joe hits the snap power slam for two. Taz says he has completed his task of convincing Joe to remain focused and now it is time for Joe to move forward. Homicide bites Joe's fingers but gets dropped on his head with a German Suplex. A Powerbomb gets 2.99999 for Joe. Homicide takes down Joe and hits a dropkick. A cross body block gets a 2 count for Homicide. Homicide tries for a Ace Crusher but it gets blocked. He finally hits a second one and barely gets a two count. Homicide is bleeding from the mouth and complains to the ref about the count. Homicide with a knee and then takes too long to make his next move and Joe hits the Urinagi. Joe misses a clothesline and Homicide locks on a chin lock. Joe gets out and hits a huge kick and its Muscle Buster time for the 1-2-3.

    Another nice match. Is this really Impact? (***)

    Up next Lauren has big news about the knockouts.

    The Pope is here. How many complainers know this was his original gimmick in the WWE and is not a TNA invention.

    There is going to be a Knockouts Tag Team Championship. Tara takes a shot at the WWE for never giving the girls this kind of chance. That's because there is not enough good female wrestlers. Christy Hemme is a retard and the girls are so annoying it isn't funny. This is not wrestling, this is a girl's only club. It is stupid. Everyone loves everyone and these girls should not be allowed to talk. "You got it girl!" I HATE THIS.

    See this movie...

    Awesome Kong vs. Traci Brooks vs. Sarita vs. Christy Hemme

    Kong makes her way to the first with Raisha Saed. Tracy Brooks now represents the Main Event Mafia and comes out with Sharmell. Looks like Sharmell is going to be Tracy's partner which is a horrible idea. Sarita comes out with Taylor Wilde. Sarita is pretty damn hot. Hemme comes out with Tara. I guess these are the four tag teams in the tournament. Why would you make a women's tag team division when Cody Deaner is the Knockout Champion? This is a waste of time. Kong is sent out of the ring early. Tracy is smarter than Hemme and takes her out only for Kong to do the same. Sarita FLIES into Kong. Sarita can really go. It's time for a commercial... When we return all four knockouts are back in the ring. We get some chain wrestling and - damn, how the hell does Christy do that split legged drop. Sarita is awesome. Kong Poses and she kicks her only to be killed by the awesome one. KONG IS GOING TO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!!! Tracy slides in and gets the pin on Sarita while Kong is going up and gets the cheap win. Kong angry! Kong eat Tracy! Kong is throwing chairs. Next week Kong and Saed get Tracy and Sharmell in the first round of the tournament.


    The Pope is walking ...

    Next week on GTTV, they look at the new video game - Batman: Arkham Asylum...

    The Pope D'Angelo Dinero vs. Consequences Creed

    Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal don't get their own entrance. That sucks. Welcome to TNA Elijah Burke. He makes Lethal's ex girlfriend undress him. The referee forces Jay Lethal to leave ringside, keeping the gimmick going. Burke starts with an armbar, hits a kick and then a hard punch. Creed tries to come back and hits a nice springboard clothesline befire hitting some punches before missing the last one. Dinero nails Creed with a HUGE punch than causes something to get beeped out. That was amazing. Flying fist drop by Dinero gets a 2 count. Taz compliments the way Dinero locked the legs on the pin attempt. Dinero with a chin lock and starts to smack talk. Creed gets free, ducks a boot and knocks down The Pope. The Pope trips Creed and lays in the boots. Dinero then hits a BIG elbow drop and bows to the crowd. The Pope lowers his knee pads and hits a running knee smash to Creed's back for the three count. Dinero has a hell of a ring presence. The lights go down after the win and here comes Suicide. The Pope runs and escapes while looking like he "saw a ghost."

    Nice debut match for Elijah although it did Lethal Consequences no favors. At least they were in a match unlike the MCMG. (** ½)

    A.J. Styles is walking.

    Matt Morgan is talking to Lauren. Matt still says he is buying everything Kurt Angle says and there is no way Angle is lying to him because Angle has never lied and never stabbed anyone in the back. Matt said that Kurt has his back and he will have Matt's boot. Then he backtracks and says it is that inexperience again and tonight they will be the home team "little buddy."

    Looks like it is time for A.J. to start his "I Quit" angle. Everyone is cheering for him and Styles looks like he is about to cry. The fans chant "don't quit." The fans are solidly behind A.J. Styles. Styles brings up his troubled childhood and how he became a great man despite his bad father. The fans are LOUD in support of him. He says he is not proud of losing the Legends Title, losing the match to Morgan, and losing friends like Eric Young and Samoa Joe. He says he is losing time with his kids by being on the road so much and the stress is hurting his personal life. Now he is crying. He yells at his wife and son for stupid things because he is so stressed out. "Is it worth it?" He says it is not worth it and the fans are still cheering him. He says he has let the fans down and it is time for A.J. Styles ... (please don't go) ... He calls the TNA fans the best in the world but it is time for A.J. Styles to say goodbye to professional wrestling...

    Cue Sting, no face paint in a Sting t-shirt...

    Sting talks about Styles' legacy and says all A.J. is doing is quitting. He is quitting his wife, his son, his fans, the children who look up to him. He also says Styles is quitting on him too. He says A.J. is a loser because losers quit. Sting says he has suffered professional and personal hardship but never quit (actually he did). Wait, is Sting telling A.J. that wrestling is more important than his own family? Sting said he has always said he wanted to find someone with integrity to replace him. Sting finally admits that A.J. Styles, all along, was his chosen one. He tells A.J. to look Sting in the eyes and say "I quit, I give up, I'm a loser." He said it is either do that or lace his boots up and claim what is supposed to be his. Styles hugs Sting. Styles makes the motion that he is just mixed up inside.

    With the exception of the hug at the end (which was pretty goofy) that was a great promo and - hater's be damned - this episode makes it look like they are starting to push the youngsters again. I know, I know ... TNA haters will never trust that to happen but I have faith damn it!!!!!

    Bobby Lashley is walking...

    Hernandez is with Lauren who wants to know when he going to cash his briefcase in. Hernandez said when he cashes in the briefcase he will be a champion. Eric Young comes out to try to enlist Hernandez to join the World Elite. Hernandez is thinking about it.

    "The Boss" Bobby Lashley is on his way to the ring. That is a dumb nickname. Lashley is shaking Taz' hand and joins them for commentary. Taz: "No hard feelings" Next week will be Dixie Carter's TNA Impact debut to explain Lashley's role in TNA. Oh boy...

    Table's Match: Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan and Kurt Angle

    Matt Morgan cautiously looks at Lashley as he approaches the ring. I still love Kurt Angle's entrance rising from under the stage. Angle also stops and looks at Lashley as he comes to the ring. Angle walks up and pie faces Lashley and when Lashley decks Angle security comes out and separates them. Lashley is escorted away from the ring, so I guess he won't be doing commentary after all. Angle and Bubba Ray start off the match. I have no idea why they are fighting in a tables match because I didn't know they were feuding enough to have a blood match. Bubba beats down Angle and goes for a table but Morgan stops him. Angle stupidly throws Bubba into his own corner where Devon tags himself in. There are six corners, how stupid is Angle? There are dual chants for Devon and Angle? Ok. Morgan is in and starts working on Devon. Morgan goes for a table but it is time for Bubba to stop him, returning the favor from earlier. Morgan gets some nice height on his leg drops but he is moving kind of slow right now. He looks good against A.J. and then only average on other occasions. I want to see him improve into a championship caliber wrestler but he still has a ways to go. We go to commercials with both Morgan and Angle outside the ring.

    We come back just in time for WAAS-UP!!! Come on, it's pre-edited - give us the entire sequence. D-VON, GET DIGITAL CABLE! There are two tables in the ring and Morgan is in, hitting a clothesline on both men before flexing for the cameras. Morgan s going for the choke slam on Devon but Bubba moves the table. Angle in an tries the Angle Slam but Devon reverses it. Morgan moves the table to save his partner. Morgan puts his boot through the table but since he kicked it himself he does not lose. Bubba misses the Bubba Bomb and Angle with the Angle Slam but Devon moves the table. The fans are chanting tables and Team 3D try to double suplex Morgan through the table. He hits the table before Angle can move it but the table does not break and the match goes on. That was almost a HUGE mistake. Angle goes for a table but Bubba hits him. Security backstage gives Bubba a table. HUH? They throw a broken table from the ring but Angle takes the advantage again. He is on fire taking on both of Team 3D. Angle lays Devon on the table and tells Morgan to go up top. Morgan doesn't want to but he finally agrees. Bubba takes down Angle and the two throw Morgan through the table.

    That was all Angle's fault. Angle leaves the ringside quickly and Morgan is pissed. (** ½)

    That was a surprisingly good Impact. It was just last month that the first Impact after the PPV was full of nothing but promos setting up angles. This time it was full of good matches, while still delivering the promos. The Street Fight and Table's Match were both decent. The X-Division match was really solid as well and I liked seeing a strong Angelina Love. I hate the idea of a Knockout Tag Team Title and I wish they would never ever speak again. I blame Taylor Wilde for the stupidity. I also hate the entire Cody Deaner situation because that is making the title look stupid. The A.J. / Sting stuff was great and Elijah Burke was solid in his Impact debut. It also looks like the next generation are finally getting a chance to step up. I have to give this episode of Impact a solid thumbs up.


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