411's ECW on SyFy Report 09.01.09

Posted by Ryan Byers on 09.01.2009

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels is on this show, but Sheamus vs. Goldust is billed as the main event. Go figure.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to your ECW on SyFy Report for September 1, 2009. Your regular recapper Michael Bauer is out of action with a computer problem, but yours truly is here to handle the fill-in.

Given that at least half of tonight's show will be taken up by a replay of Shawn Michaels versus the Undertaker from Wrestlemania XXV, we head to the ring immediately.

Match Numero Uno: Shelton Benjamin vs. Zach Ryder

This match was set up last week, when Ryder and Benjamin's tag team imploded and caused the Jersey boy to be pinned by Yoshi Tatsu.

Ryder throws his headband at Benjamin and lays in some strikes off of the distraction, but Shelton quickly responds with a back body drop. He misses a Stinger splash, however, allowing Ryder to land a reverse neckbreaker before slapping on the chinlock. Benjamin slips in between Ryder's legs and stands up, but Zach avoids any further offense and hits a version of the leg lariat for a nearfall. Up next is the Crippler Crossface from Ryder, which he quickly turns in to another chinlock. The Gold Standard does the standard babyface comeback and caps it off with his no hands leap to the top rope and a diving forearm. Benjamin unloads with some right hands and gives the Mikey Whipwreck trainee another back body drop. This time he hits the Stinger splash, and he drops Ryder's neck over the back of his knee. Zach attempts to toss his opponent out of the ring, but Benjamin lands on the apron and springboards back in with a blockbuster. Shelton immediately lands the Paydirt and picks up the three count.

It looks like Shelton's lip was busted open at some point during the match.

Winner: Shelton Benjamin

Josh Matthews and Matt Stryker throw to a highlight reel of last week's Goldust vs. Sheamus match, which ended in a double countout. The announcers plug a no disqualification, no count out match between the two wrestlers in the main event.

It's time for the Abraham Washington Show with Tony Atlas playing the Ed McMahon role. Abe says that he's the only man to ever say that he's happy to be in Cleveland, which he points out is the hometown of Arsenio Hall. He knocks Hall's seminal work, Coming to America and puts himself over as the most entertaining thing since LeBron James. He claims that, much like James, he will be out of Cleveland at the first opportunity.

With the monologue out of the way, Washington welcomes his guest, Gregory Helms to the show. Abe accuses Helms of being the Hurricane, which Greg denies. This causes Atlas to do his McMahon laugh a little bit more. Helms claims that a serious neck injury forced him to be nothing more than a backstage interviewer. Guests number two and three, Paul and Katie Lea Burchill are out to discuss the "difference of opinion" that they have with Helms. Pirate Paul claims that he will continue to beat down Helms as long as he continues to insult people's intelligence with his secret identity schtick. Out of nowhere, the Hurricane appears on the Titantron and claims that, though he is out tonight, he will be back next week. He challenges Burchill to a match on that show, which the Brit accepts.

We get a video package on the Undertaker, with positive comments about UT from the likes of John Cena, Rey Misterio, Triple H, MVP, and even CM Punk. Highlights from throughout the Dead Man's career are shown, including his various Wrestlemania victories over the years.

Match Numero Dos: Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson w/ William Regal vs. Jim Parks & Mike Tolar

Vladimir starts with Tolar, and he throws him across the ring before tagging in Jackson. Big Zeke hits a pair of sidebreakers and tags back out. Kozlov lands a headbutt off of the ropes and feeds Tolar back to Zeke, who gives the job guy a delayed vertical suplex before grabbing Parks by the head, running him down the apron, and ramming his face into the ring post. Ezekiel gives Tolar the standing uranage, which Kozlov follows up with a spinebuster for the three count.

Winners: Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson

After the bell, Sir William slaps his Regal Stretch on to Tolar for a bit.

That brings out ECW Champion Christian Cage, who Regal invites down to the ring. Cage claims that he's coming but he won't come alone, and Tommy Dreamer's music hits. William laughs at the idea of Dreamer being Christian's backup, but the ECW Champ says they've got one more surprise . . . kendo sticks. Kozlov and Jackson meet Dreamer and Cage in the aisle, where the babyfaces actually get the upper hand. Christian gets an opening and charges after Regal, but the Blackpool native bails and hides behind his muscle. The heels refuse to join Cage and Dreamer in the ring, and the segment comes to an end.

Now it's time for our Shawn Michaels video package, similar to the 'Taker package from earlier in the show. HBK is Mr. Wrestlemania, says just about everybody who is interviewed.

General Manager Tiffany appears on screen and indicates that she is proud to show to us the encore presentation of Shawn Michaels versus the Undertaker from Wrestlemania XXV. SWERVE. This is nowhere near an encore presentation of the match in full. It's a highlight reel set to songs by Shinedown and Snow Patrol. The match, which unedited ran about a half an hour, was cut down to less than five minutes here, with the majority of the video package focusing on the series of nearfalls that brought the bout to a close.

Christian Cage & Tommy Dreamer vs. Ezekiel Jackson & Vladimir Kozlov is announced for next week's ECW show.

Match Numero Tres: Goldust vs. Sheamus in a No Disqualification, No Count Out Match

The men lock up as soon as they hear the bell, and then they attempt to take each other down with shoulderblocks. That doesn't work, so Sheamus bulls Goldie back in to the corner and gets in his face. The veteran responds with a left to the face and a dropkick, which causes Sheamus to bail to the floor. Goldust runs up the aisle to meet him with a clothesline, and the match is interrupted by a commercial break. When we return, the Bizarre One is stomping on the Celt at mid-ring, after which he hits a clothesline that propels both men over the top rope. Sheamus is rammed face-first in to the dasher boards before he is tossed back in to the squared circle. The Irishman catches Rhodes with a knee as he attempts to step in between the ropes, and then he whips Goldust down the apron and in to the ring apron. That results in the former Intercontinental Champion taking a bump to the floor where he writhes in pain until Sheamus heads to the outside and gives him a bodyslam. Sheamus gets a nearfall when he rolls his opponent back in to the ring, and then he drops a knee. Now it's time for a chinlock, but Goldust quickly pops out and looks for his drop down punch. Sheamus blocks it and kicks Goldie in the shoulder, after which he stretches him around the ringpost in a bow and arrow position.

Sheamus, his pale chest now covered in facepaint, rolls back in to the ring for another two count and continues to work the back by jamming his knee in to it. The crowd gets behind Goldust and wills him up to his feet, but Sheamus cuts off the comeback and goes back to his hold. Comeback number two is also cut off by Sheamus for the hold to be reapplied. The third time is a charm for the Hollywood native, as he elbows his way out of the hold and wins a battle of the forearms with his younger opponent. Sheamus eats an inverted atomic drop and a bulldog from Goldust, but Goldie walks in to a boot in the corner. Goldust gets two off of a small package and another nearfall with a powerslam, and Sheamus bails one more time. While he attempts to catch his breath on the floor, Goldust comes diving off of the ring apron with a clothesline. Sheamus is quick to recover, and he slams Goldust back-first in to the ringpost. Goldust reverses a second attempt at a posting, though, and he returns Sheamus to the ring. A second bulldog is blocked by the Celtic Warrior, and Sheamus chokes Goldust in the corner for a bit before hitting a big Yakuza kick. That sets up a uranage style backbreaker, and Sheamus gets the three count.

Winner: Sheamus

The show goes off the air with a shot of Sheamus celebrating his victory.