411’s WWE Raw Report 09.07.09

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-Bob Barker gets the guest hosting gig on this special Labor Day edition of Monday Night Raw. With it being the final Raw before cable ratings juggernaut Monday Night Football begins going head to head with the WWE’s flagship show so you’d think that the powers that be at Titan Towers would love to build upon last week’s strong edition with another solid Raw. With one week to go until Breaking Point the pressure is on. So Raw fans, come on down…

-Live from Allstate Arena in Rosemont, IL

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

-Raw starts with Howard Finkel playing the role of Rod Roddy introducing the guest host of “The Price is Raw” Bob Barker. Barker comes out complete with skinny mic. Barker gets the best face reaction I’ve heard in years, and after Bob thanks the audience he tells them we’re going to party tonight. Tonight Bob says we’re going to play a pricing game, but to play a pricing game we have to have contestants. He asks Howard to introduce the contestants. The first of which is Santino who comes sprinting through the crowd, Jillian Hall, IRWIN R. FREAKING SCHYSTER, and finally Chris Jericho who doesn’t come out. Jericho finally comes out through the entrance in full wrestling gear with his name tag stuck to his chest. We start the bidding on the “Best of Smackdown” DVD. Santino starts the bidding, but he doesn’t quite get the game and wants to buy a vowel. Finally Santino bids $1465 for the DVD. Jillian is next to bid, but before she bids she wants to sing. After her wretched singing she finally bids $75. IRS wants to know if this bid includes taxes, and Bob tells him no. IRS will have none of that, and insists that his bid of $50 includes tax. Jericho’s turn is next, but he’s had enough of these shenanigans and gets up in Bob’s face. Jericho says no one calls him Chris, and demands that Barker shows him some respect. Barker completely no-sells Jericho’s threat, but Jericho demands that he be called Mr. Jericho and says that he needs to be pandering to him. Jericho says he is 1 half, but Barker cuts him off and says he heard 1 and that will be Chris’s bid. He threatens to turn Jericho over his knee if he doesn’t get down to the stage. Jericho’s $1 bid is the winner since the DVD costs $18.99, and Barker then orders Jericho to the ring where can earn another prize. Jericho wins a trip to Hawaii if he beats his next opponent.

Chris Jericho vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
Chain wrestling sequence starts things with Jericho getting the better of it grabbing a hammerlock. MVP reverses into a chinlock, and they get back to their feet. Jericho hits a shoulderblock, but runs into a clothesline. Drop toehold from MVP connects, and he follows that up with a low dropkick. MVP gets backdropped to the apron, but an attempted crossbody from Jericho misses as he goes crashing to the floor as we head to break. Back from commercial Jericho is back in control. MVP makes a quick comeback charging with the big boot, but Jericho dodges and MVP goes crashing back to the floor. Jericho goes out after him, and fires him back inside. Jericho whips MVP into the corner, and then drops an elbow. Jericho boots an oncoming MVP, but gets caught with an inside cradle for two. Jericho answers with a clothesline for two of his own which he follows up by grabbing a reverse chinlock. MVP elbows out, and then rolls up Jericho for a two count. Enzaguri attempt by Jericho misses, and MVP is back with a series of clotheslines. MVP connects with a back elbow, and then delivers a flying clothesline for two. Jericho stops a backdrop attempt, and then hits a bulldog. Lionsault attempt misses, and MVP then connects with a facebuster. Jericho counters the Ballin elbow drop into the Walls of Jericho, but MVP is able to counter into a small package for two. Jericho runs into a big boot for two, as the crowd is now smoking hot for these nearfalls. Jericho counters the playmaker, and goes for the codebreaker. MVP grabs the ropes to stop the codebreaker, and then grabs a jackknife rollup to pick up the victory at 10:58. No Hawaii trip for Jericho. Phenomenal opening match. Sadly no loser horn for Jericho.
Winner: Montel Vontavious Porter (Pinfall-Jackknife Rollup ***1/4)

-Recap of last week’s Raw, and the announcement of John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes for later tonight

-Bob Barker is with Kelly Kelly to shill is book a bit. DX shows up for shenanigans, and let him know what huge fans they are. HBK wants to know how one spays or neuters someone as a way to get Legacy. Barker invites them to spin the wheel. Whatever two superstars come up on the big wheel will be their opponents. The first spin comes up Chris Masters, and HHH comments that even with the hair plugs that’s a bad spin. HHH’s spin turns up Randy Orton. How convenient. HBK thinks they can make this work, and HHH says they’ll be back later for the showcase showdown.

-Chavo is in the ring, and Bob Barker shows up to tell him if he wins he gets a fabulous prize. A NEW CAR! Okay, when he inevitably loses I demand the losing horn.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Evan Bourne
Chavo takes control early with a clothesline, and then drives Bourne into the corner. European uppercut connects from Chavo, and then he sets Bourne up on the top rope for a kick to the ribs. Chavo locks in a modified abdominal stretch, but an attempt to slam fails as Bourne counters into a pinning combo for two. Bourne delivers a series of kicks to the hamstrings, and then hits a hurracanrana. Bourne hits a springboard kick to the back of the neck for two. Chavo comes back, but gets hit with a knee to the mouth while seated on the top rope. Bourne goes for a top rope hurracanrana, but Chavo dodges it and Bourne comes crashing to the mat for a two count. Chavo delivers the three amigos, and goes up top for the frog splash. Hornswoggle appears from under the ring with a super soaker to distract Chavo, and Chavo goes after him. That allows Bourne to rollup Chavo for the win at 4:21 to cost Chavo the Corvette. Well it was better than Chavo-Swoggle part 10, but I’m not sure why Bourne needed to win by a fluke rollup to a guy that has went 8 weeks losing to a midget every night. Also, no losing horn.
Winner: Evan Bourne (Pinfall-Rollup **1/2)

-Hey look, it’s the only Chicago baseball that has actually won something in the past 100 years. The White Sox. They also all have Price is Right name tags on.

Cody Rhodes vs. John Cena
Cody lets us know that first and foremost he is a member of Legacy. He says it doesn’t mean that he agree with what Orton did, but Dusty didn’t make him a main eventer. Randy Orton did. Main eventer my ass, Cody. Rhodes says he could sit here and tell us what a terrible dad Dusty was, but its not true. He does say however that his dad always put business first, and that’s what he’s going to do tonight. He’s going to make John Cena tap out tonight. Dusty said there is nothing a father wouldn’t do for his son, but Cody says there’s nothing this son wouldn’t do for his career. Cody grabs a side headlock, but walks into an Attitude Adjustment attempt. Cody counters into a DDT attempt, but Cena throws him to the outside as we hit an early break. Back from commercial with Cena getting a two count, and Cody bailing to the corner for cover. Cena delivers a running bulldog for two, and again Cody heads to the ropes for a breather. Cena delivers a backdrop, and Cody bails to the floor with Cena out after him. Cody sidesteps a charging Cena sending him into the announce table to gain control. Back inside Cody puts the boots to Cena, but gets caught with a belly to belly suplex. Cena charges at Cody and runs into a big boot, and that is followed up by a clothesline from Cody for two. Cody charges into the boot of Cena, but comes back with a rollup. Cody goes for a spinning toehold, but gets kicked off by Cena. Cena goes for the STF, but Cody gets free and delivers a side Russian Legsweep for two. Cody delivers a clothesline which picks up a one count, so he then grabs a modified camel clutch with one of Cena’s arms pinned behind his back. Cena powers his way out of that, but Rhodes sidesteps a charge and takes him down with an armbar submission. Cena stands up and now has Rhodes in position for the Attitude Adjustment. Cody slides out and goes for a dropkick which misses. Flying shoulderblocks from Cena sets up a blockbuster. Cena goes to the top for the flying Fame-Asser but that misses, and Cody goes for a figure four. Cena is able to block it, and turn it into the STF. Orton runs in drawing the DQ at 10:36, and after he slides out of an STF attempt Cena turns to Cody and delivers an Attitude Adjustment to send a message to Orton. Didn’t care for the finish as there was nothing for Orton to gain by saving Cody from tapping, but all in all nothing terrible.
Winner: John Cena (Disqualification-Ortonference **1/4)

-Hide the divas, Batista is back next week.

-Bob Barker is out for another pricing game, but he needs another player. Fink (complete with Rod Roddy suit) introduces AJ Pierzynski of the Chicago White Sox. Hey, it’s a TNA defection! Mixed reaction for AJ as for some reason people in Chicago seem to gravitate towards that horrible North Side team. The prize up for grabs this time is a Wrestlemania Travel Package. AJ bids $1000. IRS bids $2000. Jillian bids $5000. Finally Santino is out, and he’s very confused as he looks to the crowd. He finally bids $1200. The actual retail price is $1247.00, so Santino wins. Bob tells Santino he has a chance to win another prize next. It’s a new spa, and Santino wants to know if the Bellas come with it. Bob tells him absolutely not, and lets him know that his challenge is a bodyslam match. Santino’s opponent in the bodyslam match is of course The Big Show. Who didn’t see that coming?

Bodyslam Challenge: Santino Marella vs. The Big Show
Santino’s facial expressions absolutely make this worthwhile. Santino goes for a bodyslam which of course fails miserably, and then Show bodyslams him to pick up the win at :14. We finally get the losing horn, and after Barker appears to trip over his lines a bit he announces that Show has another opponent in another bodyslam match, and its of course Mark Henry
Winner: The Big Show (Bodyslam N/R)

Bodyslam Challenge: The Big Show vs. Mark Henry
Henry attacks early sending Show to the floor, but Show is quickly back inside. Show goes for a bodyslam but can’t get Henry up. Mark hits a headbutt and then goes for a slam which also fails. Show delivers a series of bodyshots, and then sticks a boot to the kidneys of Henry. Show goes for a slam again, but again can’t get him up as Henry fights back. Show delivers a boot, and goes for another slam getting nothing. Henry goes for a slam of his own, but again nothing. Show delivers a shot to the back, and goes for the slam again this time with Henry collapsing on top of him. Henry goes a slam but gets a forearm from Show who then whips Henry into the corner. Show charges into a boot, but comes back with a back elbow. Show again goes for the slam to no avail as Henry delivers a forearm to the back. That allows Henry to hit the bodyslam which mercifully ends this suckfest at 3:21. Andre vs. Studd this wasn’t.
Winner: Mark Henry (Bodyslam DUD)

-Josh Mathews is with Bob Barker for more book shilling. Josh asks what the most memorable moment on Price is Right was. He mentions some lady who lost her top on Price is Right and we even get the censored footage. We go through more of his favorite Price is Right moments, as this is basically an interview you’d see on the Today Show or something.

-Trish Stratus will be here next week to Guest Host.

-Cole and Lawler run down the Breaking Point card.

-Chavo comes in to complain about his match to Bob Barker. He tells him he’s not leaving here tonight without car. Chavo continues his bitching, and asks if Bob thinks he’s tough because he trained with Chuck Norris. Eventually Chavo plays the Happy Gilmore as he gets a couple weak looking karate chops. That’s right, instead of jobbing to the midget; he jobbed to the senior citizen.

D-Generation X vs. “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters & Randy Orton
If this was 1989 it would be like Hogan and Warrior facing Savage and Ron Bass. One of the guys here just doesn’t belong. Masters kicks things off with Shawn, and takes control early. Shawn goes for an early sweet chin music, but Masters bails to the floor and we head for break. Back from commercial and its Orton in control pounding on HHH in the corner. HHH comes back with a clothesline, and tags in Shawn who delivers a double axehandle off the second rope. Orton comes back with a right hand to counter an armwringer, but Shawn is right back with a swinging neckbreaker. Shawn rams Orton into the boot of HHH, and then tags in The Game. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Orton counters into a backdrop. Orton goes for the RKO which is countered by HHH, and he follows up with a suplex. Kneedrop from HHH connects for two, and he then tags in Shawn. Michaels fires Orton into the buckle, but charges into a boot from Orton who then tags in Masters. Shawn counters a bodyslam and delivers a series of chops to Masters. Masters comes back with a backbreaker, and the follows by dropping an elbow. Orton tags in and drops a knee on the face of Shawn for a two count. Masters tags back in and whips Shawn into the buckle for a two count. Masters dmps Shawn to the floor, and then distracts the official long enough to allow Orton a few free shots on the floor. Masters fires Shawn back inside, and covers for a two count before driving him into the heel corner. Masters again distracts the official allowing Orton to attack from the apron, before he tags Orton into the match. Orton stands over the fallen Michaels measuring him before hitting a beautiful standing dropkick for two. Randy grabs a chinlock, but Shawn is able to punch his way free. They trade blows in the center, and HBK then delivers a flying forearm off the ropes putting both men down. Orton crawls for the tag, but Shawn is able to nip up as Orton makes the tag to Masters and he tags in HHH. High knee connects for HHH, and that is followed by a clothesline. Neckbreaker from HHH gets two, and he follows that with a facebuster. Orton tries a sneak attack, but HHH sees him coming. Masters tries to take advantage, but HHH turns around in time to deliver a spinebuster. Tag to Shawn who delivers the top rope elbow drop, and now its time to tune up the band. Orton provides a distraction, but HHH chases him off as they brawl into the announce table. Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Masters ducks and locks in the Masterlock. HHH makes the save, and HBK hits sweet chin music. Orton again tries to make the save, but he gets caught by HHH who locks in the sharpshooter on him. Shawn locks his inverted figure four on Masters who taps at 14:05. Legacy comes out to save Orton, and they end up brawling to the back with DX.
Winner: D-Generation X (Shawn submits Masters-Inverted Figure Four ***)

-Orton hides from the brawl and lets them fight to the back behind a curtain. Orton makes sure the coast is clear, and heads back to the ring as we go to the back and watch DX have their way with Legacy. Typical backstage brawl shenanigans commence with DX getting the better of it. Eventually Legacy is able to sneak out the back door, and steal a car to get away. Back to the ring Orton tells us that this Sunday at Breaking Point Legacy will make DX submit. He then says he will retain the WWE Championship, as it is what he lives for. He says it is the only thing he considers important in life, but his thoughts are interrupted by John Cena who heads to the ring. Pull apart brawl commences with Cena getting the better of it in the early going. He makes the mistake of chasing Orton inside the ring where he is caught with a hangman’s DDT. Orton gets a chair from ringside, and goes inside to finish the job. He delivers the RKO to Cena on the chair, and stands over his fallen challenger. He tells Cena this Sunday he will say “I Quit.”

-Another pretty good Raw which makes three in a row by my count, and two by seemingly everyone elses. Bob Barker made for a pretty good guest host, as his segments were mainly away from the main event feuds, and did nothing to distract from them. All of the main event feuds did a pretty decent job of making me care enough about them to want to buy the show, so all in all while not the best Raw ever it was still a solid effort. So until next week here’s a reminder to help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered.