411’s WWE Breaking Point Report 09.13.09

Well hello there folks. I’m Chris Lansdell, and we’re aboput to review Breaking Point. If you’re looking for star ratings, you want the Instant Access which should be up shortly. If you want to know what happened, read on!

WWE Unified Tag Team Title Match: Chris Jericho and Big Show © vs. MVP and Mark Henry

Whaaaaaaaaat? Interesting choice to open. MVP is weating a sleeveless singlet tonight, so I guess it’s only the Malcolm X tattoo that WWE are worried about. OK that is greatness, Henry has WSM on the bag os his singlet, and it matches MVP’s. Tag teams making an effort to co-ordinate tickles in ways that if Mrs Lansdell tickled me that way, I would say “ooooh that’s nice”.

Jericho and MVP to start, and the crowd is hot. MVP flashes a round kick and Jericho flinches. TWO FOR FLINCHING! They lock up and break clean. MVP takes control with some rights and a hip toss. Shoulders in the corner by MVP, he breaks and Jericho comes out of the corner with a right hand. Whip reversed, MVP with a drop toehold and Jericho hits hard. Neckbreaker by MVP gets 2. Tag to Henry and somebody gonna get their wig split. Jericho takes a page out of the Usain Bolt playbook and runs very fast, tagging in Captain Insaneo. Well, now we know where the beef is. They lock up and assert their alpha male status. Show gets the right to the gut, a series of shots and a whip. Show charges and HENRY CATCHES HIM out of the avalanche, turns it around and lays in some shots. Henry gets Show up for a slam! The ref is distracted and Jericho pulls Henry down with Show on top of him. That gets 2. Show backs Henry into their corner and chokes him with the boot. Tag to Jericho who hits some kicks to the chest. Shots by Jericho but Henry pushes him down, Jericho though goes right back on the attack. Tag to Show who comes in with a right hand. Whip by Show and it’s a double clothesline collision! Tags made! MVP comes in storming with the overhead throw, he avoids a charges and hits a big clothesline! Jawjacker by MVP and he flies high, no lie, you know this! BALLIN! 1…2…2.882! Jericho gets the double leg and tries for the Walls, MVP powers out of it and whips Jericho. Blind tag by Show, MVP gets a big boot to Jericho but turns around into a Show spear. Front facelock applied by Show, he wrenches on it then tags in Jericho. Cole calls him an attention-starved narcissist. Someone ate Roget for dinner. Chinlock by Jericho, MVP elbows out and gets an inside cradle for 2. Jericho runs into a big clothesline and both men are down. Jericho cuts off MVP before the tag and takes MVP to a neutral corner for some beating. Whip by Jericho, he tries a hip toss but MVP flips through it and gets a DDT! Here it comes…HOT TAG! Clothesline by Henry! Another! Jericho gets a boot up and tries a crossbody from the second but Henry catches him and hits a press slam! SPLASH! 1…2…Show breaks it up! Henry levels Jericho and covers! 1…2…2.9003! Another whip, Henry drops his head and gets a boot to the chops. CODEBRE-No! Henry holds him halfway through the move! He just tosses him overhead! Henry hits the ropes RIGHT HAND BY SHOW! Henry is out! 1…2…3!

Winners: Chris Jericho and Big Show via pinfall (Jericho on Henry, Right Hand of Doom)

Josh Matthews is with Legacy. They talk about DX never submitting as a team. Well, Chyna made them submissive, but I guess they don’t like talking about her. Ted says DX are like their glowsticks – fun for a while but soon their shine runs out, and you throw them away. Awesome.

WWE US Title Match: Kofi Kingston © vs. The Miz

Miz is speaking French, and not only that…it’s correct French. Maryse is impressed.

They lock up a couple of times and break clean, until Miz has enough of that and gets a kic to the ribs and a headlock takedown. Kofi pushes him off and Miz gets a shoulder block. They run again and Kofi tries some leapy stuff but Miz holds the ropes and tries a full nelson, Kofi drops down and Miz counters to a pin for 2. Kofi gets the leap and 10-punch in the corner into a monkey flip. Snap suplex by Miz. Whip, Kofi ducks the clothesline and gets a pair of crossbodies. Miz tries to throw Kofi outside but he rebounds funkily off the ropes and gets a dropkick for 2. Whip, Kofi charges but Mix lifts him to the apron, Kofi tries a sprigboard but Miz kicks out a leg amd Kofi lands rib-first on the turnbuckles. Stiff kick to the back of Kofi and Miz is in control now. Miz catapults Kofi’s neck to the underside of the bottom rope! Kofi ducks under another clothesline and tries a crossbody again, but Miz smelled it coming and gets a boot up right into the face of Kofi. Nasty. Crossface chickenwing applied by Miz, Kofi fights out but Miz gets a flapjack for 2. Miz looks better here than I’ve seen him before. Kofi fights back from his knees, Miz grabs a waistlock but Kofi builds momentum to launch Miz to the outside. Kofi starts to slingshot out but Miz moves, Kofi adjusts to land on the apron until Miz sweeps out his feet. Back inside and Miz gets 2, he hooks both legs and still only gets 2. Miz drives Kofi to the corner and starts a beatdown, then hits a charging clothesline in the corner. Miz goes to the top, DOUBLE AXE HANDLE! Wow, we’re apparently in 1987. 1…2…no. This match may have broken the record for instant replays. Kofi gets a drop toehold sending Miz to the turnbuckle, but Miz catches Kofi coming in with a back kick. A series of kicks by Miz now, Kofi comes back with some of his own and they echange rib kicks until Kofi misses a HUGE roundhouse, but Kofi HITS A FUCKING RANHEI!!!!!! Jesus H Christ! 1…2…no!!! Miz is up, ducks a leaping lariat and gets a reverse DDT neckbreaker/reverse DDT combo. 1…2…no! Miz charges into an elbow, Kofi hits the leaping lariat and the the “boom drop”…knees! 1…2…no! This is a good little match. Rollup reversal spot ho! It ends in the Russian leg sweep by Kofi and the boom drop connects for 2. Top rope crossbody by Kofi! MIZ ROLLS THROUGH! 1…2…no!!! Miz gets a stun gun for 2 with a handful of tights, then gets pissed and lays in some crossfaces. Miz is measuring Kofi for the Mizard of Oz…Kofi reverses! Trouble in Paradise! 1…2…3!

Winner: Kofi Kingston via pinfall (Trouble in Paradise)

Promo video for DX. Already?

Submissions Count Anywhere Match: DX vs. Legacy

I’m begging for a “You’re midcarders!” chant. Sounds like Montreal has forgiven Shawn. My bad, there’s the “You screwed Bret” chant. HHH says it was all Shawn’s fault, he wasn’t even there. I’m looking forward to seeing how they work this gimmick match.

DX charge at the bell and beat the hell out of Legacy. DiBiase reverses a Trips whip but ducks his head and gets jawjacked. Michaels attacks the legs of Rhodes as HHH drops DiBiase legs-first on the announce table. Michaels and Rhodes are going into the crowd, which is brave for Shawn. DiBiase and HHH join them and all 4 men are brawling in the crowd now. Rhodes and HHH are going up the steps, Michaels and DiBiase are following. Shawn has a guillotine choke over the stair rail. HHH rams Rhodes into a post in the concourse, HBK and DiBiase join them and we have stereo figure fours by DX! Legacy help each other break the hold but DX retain control. Back in to the arena proper now and Legacy have control, Rhodes is standing on HBK’s neck. Boy this is hard to cover. HBK applies a guillotine choke but Rhodes gets out of it. HHH and Rhodes clothesline DiBiase and HBK back over the barricade, Rhodes follows up with a leap off the barricade onto HBK. HHH has a chair and jams it in the gut of Rhodes. HHH drags Rhodes’ legs through the set-up chair and APPLIES A BOSTON CRAB! Awesome. HBK APPLIES A CAMEL CLUTCH AT THE SAME TIME! This is awesome. DiBiase breaks the hold up and throws HHH into the ring, where he briefly has control before having his spine busted. CRIPPLER CROSSFACE by HHH! Rhodes is in to break it up. HBK is in but gets thrown out, he skins the cat and gets a headscissors on Rhodes taking him to the floor! He tries it to DiBiase but it’s blocked, Rhodes has Shawn…Vertebreaker? No, modified Gory Special! This is frigging awesome. HHH hits a knee from the apron to break it up and is stalking DiBiase in the ring while HBK and Rhodes are in the crowd again. HHH and DiBiase are both lying on the floor slugging it out while Cody and HBK are in the seats doing the same. CODY THROWS HBK over the rail and out of the stands!!! The fans in the area look shocked, HHH is over to check on Michaels and you can almost hear him snap as he takes it to both Legacy members. He sets for a Pedigree on the ramp! It’s broken up but HHH backdrops DiBiase onto the stage, then goes backstage with Rhodes. He throws Rhodes into an equipment case and now DiBiase is back! Repeated blows to HHH and now Cody joins in while DiBiase holds him. It’s a mugging. Million $ Dream applied!!! HHH backs DiBiase into a post to break it then hits the spinebuster through a table on DiBiase! We see that HBK is alive as HHH gets a crossface on HHH…broken up with a cooler to the head by DiBiase! Never thought I’d type that. HHH is not moving as Cody hits a sick chairshot to the head of HHH. Legacy go off and leave HHH to his own dev ices, the camera stays with HHH who is just starting to move. Back to Legacy with HBK and they hit a scoop slam on the stage, then drag him to the ring. They take it in turns punching HBK, they get a double whip and Shawn counters both charges before being scoop slammed. HBK avoids the elbow drop and throws DiBiase to the floor, CODY with a great single leg takedown and ANKLE LOCK! HBK gets the ropes and it doesn’t matter! DiBiase is back in but Shawn uses him to counter the ankle lock! DiBiase to the floor again, SWEET CHIN MUSIC to Rhodes! Backstage, HHH is just getting up. My God he learned to sell. Both men are up, double leg by HBK! SHARPSHOOTER! No, just the modified figure four, but the crowd was ready to freak out. DiBiase breaks the hold and Legacy are going for a spike piledriver!!! Michaels fights out and throws Rhodes to the floor, then sets for the Music! RHODES with the trip and he crotches Michaels around the post! Repeated right hands by Rhodes, FIGURE FOUR AROUND THE POST!!!! It’s sloppy but it’s awesome! DiBiase is over, MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! HHH is crawling down the ramp, can he make it…NO! MICHAELS TAPS!!!!!

Winners: Legacy via submission (Million $ Dream and figure four around the post on Michaels)

Josh Matthews is trying to get Orton to comment on the match, Orton looks like he was in Jeff Hardy’s trailer on a shopping spree. He tells Matthews to take a seat. He has no reaction, he knew Legacy would win and they won. Matthews wants to ask another question, but he only had permission for one. This annoys Orton. He says that Josh is one of those people that says one thing and does something else, just like John Cena. Cena says he can’t say “I quit”, but how can he be sure? He can’t. Orton explains how he is going to make Cena quit, and the whole time he is showing the snake mannerisms that fit him so well. This. Is. Awesome.

Singapore Cane Match: Kane vs. The Great Khali

I actually have hopes for this one. Not many, but some. Khali brings Runjin Singh with him for some reason. Dude is so getting Kaned.

Kane uses his superior speed to get control early. Another line I never thought I’d type. He goes for a cane but Khali cuts him off and gets a loud smack to the chest. Both men have canes now and Grish reckons it’s Pujols vs Howard. They clash canes and to me it’s more Vader vs Obi Wan. Kane’s powers are weak old man, as Khali sends him to the floor. Kane regains control on the floor and retains it as they go back to the ring. Khali gets a goozle but Kane canes his way out and hits a basement dropkick for 2. Kane wraps Khali’s arm around the cane in a submission hold, Khali pushes him off and Kane tries a shot to the ribs, Khali blocks it and expropriates the cane. Spanky von Swinghard! JUDO CHOP! 1…2…no. KHALI SOOTHING SKULL MASSAGE! Kane breaks it by grabbing a cane and swinging backwards. Kane to the top…LEAPING KANE CANE! 1…2…no. You know, this isn’t shit! Kane sets for the chokeslam, Runjin is in and takes a swing at Kane, who sells it not at all. Kane blocks the second shot and this won’t end well. Khali prevents anything super nasty from happening with a second brain chop then checks on his brother. Kane with two cane shots, then snaps Khali’s neck backwards over the ropes using the cane! GOOZLE! Chokeslam! 3!

Winner: Kane via pinfall (chokeslam)

Punk is with new chick. He says nobody gives him a chance tonight, but then nobody gave him one at Summerslam. Then three weeks later Jeff did exactly what Punk said he would do. OH SNAP NO THEY DIDN’T. He talks about beating Taker, and not being afraid, then the lights go out! Punk jumps a mile, but it’s just Jimmy Wang Yang (PPV PAYDAY BABY!) messing with him. JWY wishes him luck, Punk thanks him then kills him. That was fun.

ECW Title Match: Christian © vs. William Regal

GO! This should be a fairly large pop. Not bad, I must say. Regal is out with Apollo Creed and Ivan Drago , but Tiffany has decreed that they must leave ringside or Regal forfeits.

They lock up violently and Regal gains control with a forearm, Christian tries the Killswitch but Regal escapes. Dropkick by Christian gets 2, followed by a headlock takedown. Regal fights out and throws Christian to the floor but Christian retains his balance and comes back in with a crossbody for 2. Christian tries to get a tornado DDT but Regal fights it off and knocks Christian off the top to the floor via the apron. Christian is depostied back in the ring, Regal gets a kneelift and a cover for 2. Japanese sleeper applied now by Regal, Christian powers partially out but Regal reapplies. Again Christian powers out, then turns it into a monkey flip and a knuckle lock. Regal kips up, gets a nasty shot and a half nelson release suplex for 2. Repeated rights by Regal and now he locks in a dragon sleeper surboard. MARK OUT! Christian escapes and goes for a springboard sunset flip but Regal escapes and gets the running knee and a knee drop. EXPLODER SUPLEX by Regal gets 2, then Regal locks in a headlock variant. Regal sets Christian on top and goes up, Christian beats him down and gets the tornado DDT, albeit sloppily. 1…2…no. Christian runs into a nasty forearm and that gets 2 more. They exchange shots, Christian again tries Killswitch but Regal counters to a REGALPLEX!!! FUCK ME! 2 count only. Christian is fighting back hard with a series of body shots, second rope European! Snap mare by Christian and a basement forearm shiver gets 2 more! Man, everyone is going all out tonight! MISSILE DROPKICK! 2 only. Christian goes up again but Regal avoids it, Christian goes uo a THIRD time and Regal again moves, this time sending Christian down. SENTON!!! Regal is on fire tonight! Killswitch countered, Regal goes for the knee trembler, Christian avoids it! KILLSWITCH! 1…2…3

Winner: Christian via pinfall (Killswitch)

We have a Pat Patterson sighting! I demand a rematch from the hardcore evening gown match. Patterson says, in French, that he has been traveling the world for years but Montreal will always be home. He makes like he’s about to introduce Morrison, but he is interrupted by Mr Ziggles himself, Dolph Ziggler. Patterson tells Ziggler that he was walking all around Montreal last night, and guess who asked about him? NOBODY! Patterson says Dolph has a lot of talent and if he’s lucky he might be IC champ one day. Ziggler takes the mic and wants to know with Barker and now Patterson, when did WWE get taken over by senior citizens. He makes some old jokes. And I mean both jokes that are old and jokes about being old. Ziggler wants to know how we can be wasting valuable PPV time on some old fossil that nobody remembers? EXCELLENT QUESTION. Montreal would apparently prefer it if Dolph ceased talking. Dolph makes more “jokes” while Patterson just stands there and no-sells it. Then Ziggler calls him a coward and socks him one. He turns to leave but decides he’d rather perform some more elder abuse until Morrison saves the day. That was awful.

WWE Title I Quit Match: Randy Orton © vs. John Cena If anyone interferes on Orton’s behalf in his match against Cena, he automatically loses.

He hears voices in his head. They counsel him, they understand. They talk to him. If Orton walked to the ring any slower, he’d give Taker a run for his money. Cena gets a split reaction as usual.

Cena gets a belly to belly right out of the gate, a whip and a fisherman’s suplex. Orton reverses a whip and then ducks under the flying shoulder tackle. Orton charges and knocks Cena off the apron into the table. Well I guess they’re going balls to the wall tonight. Orton deconstructs a table and has a monitor…TO THE CRANIUM! I guess you could say it was a brain monitor. See what I did there? Orton stands in the ring, waiting for Cena…rope-assisted DDT! Orton has a chair and he sets it up in the ring, Cena looks to be out. RKO to the chair…no! Cena fights out with a flying shoulder! Blue Thunder Bomb! You Can’t See Him! Attitude Adjustment time, Orton blocks by grabbing the top rope then snaps Cena’s head over that same rope. Now, it’s 4th and long, Orton sets for the punt…Cena dodges! Drop toehold, STF…countered! To the floor and Cena gets launched into the steps! Orton has a piece of the steps and CROWNS Cena! Cole says Orton is in a trance. See, told you he went to see Jeff Hardy. Orton drags Cena over and places his head on the steps, then STOMPS on him! Cena does not want to quit. Orton rolls Cena back in and he has a bag from under the ring…handcuffs. He locks Cena up and stomps him silly, but still Cena will…not…die! Orton grabs the mic and whacks Cena with it, then…unlocks the cuffs? Ah, he cuffs the hands together and drags Cena up the ring steps on the outside and wraps the cuffs around the ringpost. Some sick shots to the kidneys by Orton, now to the head. Orton throws water in Cena’s face to stop him passing out, then tells the ref to ask him. Cena responds by spitting in Cena’s face. Baaaaad move. Orton goes pluder-shopping again and channels Steve Blackman with 2 Singapore canes! He drops one and tattoos Cena’s legs repeatedly! TO THE SKULL! Orton wants to ask Cena again, but still no. Orton chokes Cena with a cane and Cena punts him in the goolies! Orton goes down like Lindsay Lohan on a boat and Cena manages to extricate himself. He has some NASTY welts on his ribs though. Cena is still cuffed, he approaches Orton CHAIR TO THE HEAD! Again Orton unlocks the cuffs and now he attaches Cena to the bottom turnbuckle on the outside. Chair shot! Cena still isn’t quitting. Orton lines up a huge swing but Cena ducks! Back body drop by Cena and he gets the key! He frees himself and cuffs Orton to him! Cena has now shaken off all the damage of the past 10 minutes and is beating Orton down. Back inside the ring, back suplex by Cena and more shots. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, Orton escapes! RKO! Orton sees the key across the ring but he can’t drag Cena over! Cena reels him in like a 240-pound bass and locks in the STF using the cuffs to drag Orton’s arm over his throat! Orton quits immediately!!! Oh for the love of GOD.

Winner: John Cena via submission (Handcuff-assisted STF)

What did Blaccu-Weather meteorolgist Ollie Williams think of that ending?

ORTON’S A PUSSY!

Thanks Ollie! Now this!

World Title Submission Match: CM Punk © vs. The Undertaker

I was wondering how they were going to drag this match to a half hour. Then I realised Taker would take at least 5 of that to get in the ring. JR says the title has never changed hands in Montreal. He either forgot to say “World” there, or he’s a fucking idiot.

Punk ducks right out of the ring at the bell. CHICKEN SHIT HEEL! Back inside, Punk avoids Taker a couple of times and lays in some strikes in the corner, actually taking taker to a knee! Punk celebrates but Taker is up and tosses Punk over the top to the floor! Back inside, Punk again in control but Taker puts an end to that quickly. Body shots and kicks by Taker in the corner and he throws Punk to the floor again. Taker follows and is clearly stalling for time. Punk fights back and tries to take Taker to the post but Taker blocks and gets some nasty rights. Taker whips Cena to the barricade, he charges but Punk moves and Taker ends up straddling the barricade! Running high knee by Punk and Taker is down! Punk has a chair and gets a shot to the gut on Taker and another to the back! Taker rolls inside slowly. Punk gets the high knee in the corner but Taker pushes him off the bulldog and goes to work on the shoulder of Punk. Ding ding, I hear the bell. OLD SCH—COUNTERED! Punk crotches Taker and lays in some rights, he goes up for the superplex b ut gets knocked down. Punk up quickly and a head kick to Taker! Superplex attempt…CONNECTS! Both men are down, Punk is up first and he hits some front kicks, Taker comes back with rights. They exchange blows in the middle of the ring and Taker wins it! Whip, charging clothesline! Whip again, snake eyes and the big boot! Leg drop by Taker and now he wants a chokeslam. GOOZLE! HEAD KICK! WTF? HELL’S GATE! Punk taps! With 10 minutes left?

Winner: Undertaker via submission (Hell’s Gate)

Something is coming. Taker is no posing on one knee and this feels wrong. Yup here comes Teddy Long! He regrets to inform is that Hell’s Gate was banned on SmackDown a long time ago by Vickie Guerrero! DUSTY FINISH! The match must continue! Punk is back in and attacking but Punk ends that with a boot. Last Ride! Punk gets out the back and chop blocks Taker! ANACONDA VISE! The ref calls for the bell and 2 million fans pretend they’re surprised.

Winner: CM Punk via Montreal (Anaconda Vise-shooter)

Punk celebrates at the top of the ramp while Long, dressed in all white to contract Taker’s all black, stands stone-faced. Taker totally needs to write T N A in the air.