411’s WWE Raw Report 09.14.09

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-Hot off the heels of last night’s Breaking Point Pay Per View Raw heads up North to Toronto where former 7 Time Women’s Champion Trish Stratus handles the guest hosting duties. John Cena finally regained the spinner belt after nearly two years away from it last night, so we’ll certainly hear that “The Champ is Here.” Batista is also back for a special announcement, and DX will certainly be looking to respond after their shocking loss to Legacy last night. So it’s off to Bizarro Land we go.

-Live from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario, Canada

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

-Batista opens the show while still wearing his arm brace. Before he makes the announcement he wants to say thank you to the fans. He says it’s been a rough year with the injuries, and this isn’t how he wanted to come back, but he’s come back to say good bye. He wants to say thank you for letting him have the time of his life in the ring. He says there have been rumors about his retirement, but…I HEAR VOICES…out comes Orton to the surprise of absolutely no one. Orton says he’s not very happy about losing the WWE Title last night, but what cheers him up is knowing that Dave is retiring. He asks if this is how it ends? The big bad animal going out with a whimper. He says whatever big goodbye speech he has he can save, because nobody cares. Orton asks why he waited so long, and tells him to admit that he’s not retiring because of his health but because of Orton. He says that it was him who put him on the shelf, and tells him to hang his head and cry like he was going to before he came out. Batista laughs, and Orton asks what is so funny. Batista says the funny things are that Orton is very predictable, and the other is that he knows something that Orton doesn’t. Batista rips his arm brace, and clotheslines Orton over the top to the floor. Batista says he’s not here to announce his retirement, but to announce that he’s going to Smackdown. Before he goes though he got Trish Stratus to give him one more match on Raw, and it’s a no holds barred match with Orton tonight. Maybe Zack Grienke should try that some day. Just call a retirement press conference, and announce he’s now on the Yankees. Surely it would work right?

-Trish is out, and is a brunette now. Somehow that makes her hotter than she already was which I didn’t think was quite possible. She says she thinks she’s going to make a pretty good host, and she thinks she knows what we want. She says even though we have Batista vs. Orton tonight, but Orton is due a rematch for the WWE title. She goes ahead and books Orton vs. Cena at Hell in a Cell, and then throws it to the ring for the first match. This seemed a bit awkward. Not sure why.

Kofi Kingston & Primo vs. Jack Swagger & The Miz
This was the main event on Superstars last week, and it was tremendous for only getting five minutes. Hopefully we see even more tonight. Primo starts out with Miz, but Miz goes after Kofi knocking him from the apron. Miz drops Primo on his head, and then drags him to the heel corner tagging in Swagger who is in with a bodyslam for two. Swagger grabs a bow and arrow, and turns it into a double arm chickenwing. Swagger chokes out Primo on the second rope, and then whips him back first into the corner. Vader bomb attempt by Swagger misses as Primo gets the knees up, and that allows the tag to Kofi. Kofi hits a flying clothesline, and a dropkick. Miz gets knocked off the apron, and Kofi hits a ranhei for two. Kofi goes for the punches in the corner, but while that is going on Miz steals the US Title. That distraction allows Swagger to counter by dropping Kofi on the top buckle, and then hit the gutwrench powerbomb to finish at 2:54. Meanwhile Miz leaves holding the US Title belt. Disappointing that they get even less time this week.
Winners: Jack Swagger & The Miz (Swagger pins Kingston-Gutwrench Powerbomb *1/2)

-Meanwhile what would be the bigger upset? If the Bills hold on to beat New England or Legacy cleanly beating DX last night?

Diva’s Championship #1 Contender’s Match: Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox
Mickie James is out on commentary for this one, as she scouts her next challenger. The human botch machine Lillian Garcia introduces this as a triple threat match, but it’s merely one on one. Gail hits an armdrag, and then follows up with a hurracanrana sending Alicia to the floor. Alicia ends up right back inside though, and a backbreaker gets two for Fox. Alicia hits a Northern Lights Suplex for two, and then grabs a body scissor. Bodyslam connects by Alicia, but a scissor kick misses. Gail connects with a series of clotheslines, and then delivers a crossbody off the top for two. Gail heads back to the top rope for a missile dropkick which misses, and this time Alicia connects with the scissor kick to mercifully end this one at 3:39. I ask the same thing I ask every week. Why is it everyone claims that Gail is some tremendous wrestler. Even by diva standards the matches that are god awful every week seem to have one common theme, and it’s her.
Winner: Alicia Fox (Pinfall-Scissor Kick DUD)

-Trish is interrupted by Beth Phoenix who asks who Trish thinks she is booking a #1 contender match without her, but Jericho stops her to say don’t ask Trish about herself because its only a two hour show. Jericho brings up their history, and how he dumped her. Trish mocks him, and says that explains why he’s so angry and how he should be happy he found his soul mate Big Show. Beth claims that Trish ran when new competition came along, and Trish doesn’t take kindly to that insinuation. She books a tag team match tonight with Beth and Jericho facing Trish and the partner of her choosing. Jericho lets her know that he’ll face Bob Barker any place any time.

-Legacy is out, and Cody mocks the DX intro, and then asks if we’re ready to welcome the dawn of a new era in the WWE. He says the truth is they didn’t just beat DX, but they made them submit. Cody says The Rock couldn’t do that, Stone Cold, The Undertaker, The McMahons, and even Rated RKO couldn’t make them tap out. Ted says what they did last night was truly historic, and although they may have shocked the world they didn’t shock themselves. Dibiase says last night was just the beginning, and they will not stop until DX is out of Raw and their lives forever. Cody follows by saying they are no longer known as the sons of Dusty Rhodes and the Million Dollar Man, but they are now know as the father’s of The Legacy.

Ted Dibiase (w. Cody Rhodes) vs. Shawn Michaels (w. Triple H)
Shawn and HHH walk out all business with their gamefaces on. Ted attacks at the bell, and pounds Shawn down in the corner. Shawn hits a kneelift, and then delivers a swinging neckbreaker. Shawn sells his injuries from last night like a champ, as he runs into a powerslam from Ted. Dibiase hits a backdrop, and that sends Shawn rolling to the floor. Triple H stalks Cody keeping him from interfering, and Ted then suplexes Shawn back inside. Dibiase hits couple fistdrops for two, and then grabs a reverse chinlock. Shawn chops his way free, but eats a beautiful standing dropkick picking up another two count for Ted. Boot to the face gets two for Ted, and he then goes back to the chinlock. Shawn comes free of that, and then dodges a dropkick attempt from Dibiase. Shawn goes for the figure four, but Dibaise counters into a small package for two. Shawn goes back to the figure four attempt, and this time locks it in but a ref distraction from Cody allows Ted to rake the eyes to break. Dibiase hammers Shawn down with a series of right hands, but Shawn connects with a wild right hand to put both men down. Back to their feet Dibiase ducks a right hand and goes for the Million Dollar Dream which he sinks in. Shawn is able to break by sending Ted to the corner, and again both men are down. Back to their feet, and Dibiase goes for a piledriver, but Shawn counters by backdropping Ted over the top to the floor. Dibiase rolls back inside where he gets an inverted atomic drop from Shawn. Flying forearm connects by HBK, and that is followed by the “VINTAGE MICHAELS” nip up. Shawn heads to the top rope for the elbow drop, but Shawn is still selling an eye injury from the punches from Dibiase. Shawn tunes up the band in the corner, but Cody trips him up. The ref sees that and calls for the DQ at 9:02. Big Brawl ensues between the two teams with Cody and Trips fighting near the announce table, and Shawn and Dibiase brawling through the crowd. The brawl continues as we head to break with DX in control of the fight.
Winner: Shawn Michaels (Disqualification-Codyference **1/2)

Hornswoggle & Evan Bourne vs. Chavo Guerrero & Carlito (w. Rosa Mendes)
So now we get Carlito and Chavo vs. two midgets. How nice. Hornsowggle starts with Carlito and steals his apple before tagging in Bourne who hits a sunset flip for two. Chavo tags in and gets a dropkick from Bourne, and then goes out to the apron. Hornswoggle baseball slides Chavo off the apron, but Chavo comes right back in on offense with a series of shots for Bourne. Tag to Carlito who delivers a bodyslam and elbow drop for two. Bourne tries to fight out of the heel corner, but Carlito puts a stop to that. Tag to Chavo who comes in with a reverse chinlock, but Bourne answers with a pair of kicks to the hamstrings. Bourne hits a hurracanrana, and then knocks Carlito from the apron. Spinning heel kick from Bourne gets two when Carlito makes the save, but Bourne counters a backstabber attempt with a knee to the face. Bourne tags Hornswoggle who heads to the top for the frog splash with apple in hand. Bourne knocks Carlito out of the ring, but Chavo catches Horny on the top. Hornswoggle answers by spitting the apple in Chavo’s face which causes him to fall off the ropes, and the tadpole splash finishes at 3:51. Afterward a frustrated Chavo asks what he has to do, and then he tells Hornswoggle he gives up. Thank God.
Winners: Hornswoggle & Evan Bourne (Hornswoggle pins Chavo-Tadpole Splash *1/2)

-Josh Mathews is with the new WWE Champion John Cena, and he says Randy Orton talked about how the WWE Championship is his life and he’d do everything in his power to keep it. But at the first sign of jeopardy Randy just gave it away. Cena says he made a promise not to quit, and at Breaking Point there were many times when he wanted to give up. He says every time he said no he knew more pain was coming, but he promised not quit, and he delivered. He says now we have a rematch inside Hell in a Cell. He says Orton will now promise that the win was nothing more than a fluke, and that the title is nothing more than a three week rental. Cena says he’s getting his promise out there right now. He promises when the cell is locked we will see a different side of him. He says we will see a more intense, savage sign of him. He promises Orton will be lucky to make it out in one piece, and he promises that finally the champ is here.

-DX vs. Legacy inside Hell in a Cell is announced for the pay per view.

Trish Stratus & Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Chris Jericho & Beth Phoenix
Trish starts things out with Beth, and immediately gets powered into the corner. Bodyslam by Beth connects, but Trish comes back with a series of forearms and chops. Trish botches her Matrish move to dodge a clothesline, and then Jericho breaks up a pin attempt. MVP chases him to the floor, and they brawl on the floor which draws out Big Show. That’s good enough for the lame DQ at 1:32, but here comes Mark Henry to chase Show away. Trish says it can’t end this way, and we get a six person tag instead.

Six Person Tag Team Match: Trish Stratus, Mark Henry, & Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Chris Jericho, The Big Show, & Beth Phoenix
Joined in progess after the break with Show tagging in Jericho as the heels are in control of MVP. Jericho delivers a kick to the ribs of MVP, but MVP answers with a rollup for two. Clothesline connects to Jericho putting both men down, but Jericho is up first and a kick to MVP stops the tag attempt by MVP. Jericho locks in the half nelson chinlock, but MVP quickly is up out of that. Throw by MVP connects, and that is followed by a back elbow. Jericho dodges a big boot, and makes the tag to Beth. Beth wants a piece of MVP, and tries to egg him into a brawl. She goes for a kick, but MVP catches the leg and tags in Trish. MVP and Trish team up for a double team ballin’ elbow, and Jericho pulls Beth outside to the floor. MVP catapults outside onto Jericho, and meanwhile Show trips up Trish. That brings Henry out to chase out Show, and Beth comes in to get a cover but its only good for two. Trish hits the handstand hurracanrana in the corner, and the Stratusfaction finishes at 5:01. Fun little comeback match for Trish.
Winners: Trish Stratus, Mark Henry, & Montel Vontavious Porter (Stratus pins Phoenix-Stratusfaction **1/2)

-Recap of Legacy breaking Batista’s arm a few months back.

-Cedric The Entertainer is your guest host next week.

No Holds Barred Match: Randy Orton vs. Batista
Orton goes for a chair at the bell, but Batista is able to stop that and fire him back inside. Orton catches Batista for the hangman’s DDT, but Batista comes right in and powers Orton into the corner. Orton fights out with an uppercut, but Batista answers with a clothesline sending Orton to the floor. Orton looks for weapons under the ring, but comes up empty and instead eats a clothesline from Batista. Back inside Orton goes to the eyes, and hits the inverted backbreaker. Orton’s signature stomps are followed by a kneedrop as he heads back outside looking for plunder. A steel chair is Orton’s weapon of choice, but he walks into a spear from Batista which sends him right back outside. Batista fires Orton into the announce table, and then over the table into King and Cole. Batista drops Orton across the barricade, and then chokes him out with his boot. Batista sends Orton flying into the ringsteps, and then chokes out Orton some more. Back inside the action goes, but Orton goes for an RKO. Batista counters into a slam, and Orton bails this time looking to head to the back. John Cena is there to stop that from happening, and he meets him with a clothesline on the ramp. Cena sends Orton back inside where Batista delivers a spinebuster, and the Batista Bomb makes the pinfall academic at 5:01. Predictible, yet still fairly entertaining as it was kept short and had no downtime at all. Nice job to establish Batista before sending him to Smackdown, and continue the Cena-Orton feud heading to Hell in a Cell. Simple yet effective.
Winner: Batista (Pinfall-Batista Bomb **1/2)

-This was a pretty average show all around. Nothing stood out as terrible, but nothing stood out as great either. Just a pretty run of the mill episode. After the last few weeks it seems like a bit of a letdown, but thinking back to some of the crap we had this summer it’s hard to complain too much.