2 Raw, 2 Furious 09.28.09

Posted by Ryan Byers on 09.29.2009

Chris Lansdell boycotted this show because of the guest host. He should've boycotted it because of the so-called main event. Join Ryan Byers and our own special guest host Michael Bauer for all the Raw action!

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to 2 Raw, 2 Furious, the weekly real-time recap of Monday Night Raw that usually features yours truly, Ryan Byers, going toe-to-toe with Chris Lansdell. Mr. Lansdell has decided to take the week off for ideological reasons, but I've got an a-list replacement for him. It's none other than our regular ECW recapper and the master of ceremonies for 411 Wrestling's Buy or Sell and Top 5 Columns. Yes, making is 2R2F debut, it's Michael Bauer!



Pre-Show Scuttlebutt

Ryan: Ready for the show?
Bauer: I'm ready to see something I never thought I'd see . . . and to see Al Sharpton talk about nothing.
Ryan: I can't imagine a wrestling crowd taking too kindly at all to him getting political . . . so we'll see how this goes. I also think that he's the most likely of the guest hosts to go in to business for himself.
Bauer: Well, he could. Or he could announce he is following Linda and going for Congress. Either seems logical.
Ryan: Unfortunately he wouldn't be running for a seat in Connecticut, because THAT is a race that I'd pay to see.
Bauer: I'd pay to see him in my home state against Hillary Clinton in 2006.
Ryan: Seriously, though, do you understand the people who are boycotting the show because of Sharpton's appearance? I have a hard time seeing where they're coming from, myself.
Bauer: Actually, I partly can. I almost did the same. Al is hated because he sticks his nose in where is doesn't need to be half the time.
Ryan: I just have a hard time believing that professional wrestling fans can refuse to watch a show because of Sharpton when they're supporting an industry that has harbored numerous drug addicts, a few murderers, and several other criminals over the years.
Bauer: No question about it. Damn, I wish Punk was on RAW this week, because this would be too easy for him.

MVP, Henry, Show, Henry, & Sharpton Open the Show

Ryan: A VIP Lounge? It's been a while since we've seen one of these.
Bauer: Yeah, when was the last one? Right before WrestleMania?
Ryan: Wasn't there one during his feud with Swagger? Or was that just a straight up promo?
Bauer: I think straight up promo.
Ryan: Either way, it's weird that they do them so sporadically . . . they could at least use them to further other angles that don't directly involve MVP, sort of like what they used to do with Piper.
Bauer: Yeah, but tonight made the most sense to do it.

Bauer: Did you hear the pop Jeri-Show got?
Ryan: I did. I also heard some immense heat for the .05 seconds that the crowd thought that Sharpton was coming out.

Ryan: So am I seeing things, or did Jericho and MVP just fight over who could figuratively suck Sharpton off more?
Bauer: No, you aren't. But I can't tell how MVP was supposed to be a face that way.
Ryan: Or how Jericho was supposed to be a heel, really.

Ryan: Wow, "Jeri-Show" makes its in-continuity debut thanks to MVP.
Bauer: I prefer Beauty and the Beast.
Ryan: I concur.

Bauer: Tasteless tapeworms? Is Jericho just making it up now?
Ryan: He's certainly phoning it in . . . he just rattled off ten big words in a row hoping that something would stick.

Chris Jericho & The Big Show (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry for the Raw Tag Team Titles

Bauer: Jericho twice is great. Big Show twice is a disaster.
Ryan: Well, at least they're putting him in once in a tag and one in a gauntlet match so that he can remain somewhat hidden.
Bauer: All I know is that no matter what I watch tonight, it will pale in comparisson to last weekend, watching two future WWE stars.
Ryan: You went to an FCW show?
Bauer: No, but close. Ring of Honor.
Ryan: And from that you come back to Henry & MVP vs. Jericho & Show.
Bauer: Yeah, it's no Bryan Danielson vs. Nigel McGuinness.
Ryan: But I will say that Henry catching Show on that Stinger splash was damned impressive . . . not for the same reason a Danielson/Nigel match might be impressive, but impressive nonetheless.
Bauer: Fully agreed. But still not as impressive as Eddie Edwards fighting in a Ladder Match with a broken elbow. You know that someone like Jericho would never do that.
Ryan: No, he wouldn't . . . definitely not in a match against guys like the Heavenly Bodies . . . and definitely not with a partner like Lance Storm.
Bauer: Now that tag team I would pay for.
Ryan: In that case, I would suggest buying the commercially released DVD of Smokey Mountain Wrestling's Night of Legends show in which Jericho does, in fact, work a tag team match with Lance Storm against the Heavenly Bodies after breaking his arm in training.

Bauer: Is it a bad thing that I seem to be more impressed by Mark Henry than MVP?
Ryan: I could see that . . . but people's expectations for Henry are significantly lower.
Bauer: No, I mean like MVP is starting to remind me of Cena. A few moves, one overdone elbow drop, and decent mic skills.
Ryan: He strikes me as a guy who works to the level of his opponent. If he's in for a singles match against somebody like Jericho, Benoit, or Matt Hardy, he works much harder than he does when he's in a throw-away opening bout like this one. Booker T. had the same problem.
Bauer: Cena is the same way. Look at his matches with the Miz.
Ryan: In all honesty, I'd rather not.

Ryan: I can't believe that they've now spent thirty minutes setting up and delivering this match when it has NOTHING to do with the pay per view that they're trying to sell for this Sunday. There are certainly worse matches that we could be watching . . . this isn't great by any stretch of the imagination, but there are many worse matches I could imagine.
Bauer: Unless they want to go triple threat at Hell in a Cell.
Ryan: That's a definite possibility.

Bauer: To partly quote Jim Cornette: We are tired for watching midgets wrestling grown men.
Ryan: Which is odd given that I've got video footage in my collection of Jim Cornette wrestling a midget . . . on a show that he booked, no less.

Ryan: The heat on those last few nearfalls was unreal given the fact that they've never really put MVP over anybody in a convincing fashion.
Bauer: Didn't he beat Jericho cleanly a few weeks ago?
Ryan: He did, but Jericho and Show have gone over several times since them, so I'm surprised that anybody still buys Henry & MVP as legitimate contenders. I suppose that's the difference between the champs eking by without overtly cheating and the champs pinning guys clean in the middle with their finishers.

Winners: Chris Jericho & The Big Show via pinfall
Ryan: The first eighteen minutes or so of this twenty minute bout were competently put together but boring. There was nothing that was horribly botched or mistimed, but there was also nothing horribly exciting. It was a match wrestled on autopilot with no real passion and nothing aside form its length that would make it stand out from ninety percent of the other matches that we see on Monday Night Raw on a weekly basis. However, when it came to the last two minutes, the crowd came absolutely unglued because they convinced themselves that they could see a title change. However, even then, it was the audience alone that made the closing minutes of the contest memorable and not the wrestlers, as they weren't doing much outside of their normal schtick. This was a completely average bout that the announcers tried to play off as a great one, and their comments came off as completely disingenuous. **1/2

Backstage: Al Shaprton Meets the Raw Baggy Pants Players

Ryan: Speaking of the midget, there he is.
Bauer: Oh no . . . I thought Chavo was done with him?
Ryan: Yes, I could've sworn that they put an end to this one.
Bauer: Wow, Santino almost killed that segment.
Ryan: I did not understand a single thing he was talking about when he was going on about Geico.
Bauer: I think I know where he was going, but he was so far off.
Ryan: The face turn has neutered poor Mr. Marella.

Ryan: Oh god, did they just say that Rosa Mendes is going to be in a singles match up next?
Bauer: I'm afraid they did.
Ryan: Get the negative stars ready.
Bauer: It could be worse. It could be Rosa vs. Gail Kim.
Ryan: Somebody would die in that one.
Bauer: My odds would be on the guy sarcastically trying to say something positive about it.

A Promo for Sharpton's Educational Initiative Airs

Bauer: Now this commercial is exactly why people hate Al. Education reform is NOT a black vs. white issue.
Ryan: I would say that it's more of a class issue than it is anything else. I would imagine that poor white students are just as far behind affluent white students as poor black students are and that affluent black students probably do just as well as affluent white students.
Bauer: Exactly.
Ryan: It's tangentially a racial issue because a greater percentage of the black population in the United States lives in poverty, but trying to address systemic racial bias probably won't do as much good as addressing class differences.
Bauer: Yes, but I grew up in an area was I was as much a minority as anyone else. An education wise, it was mostly even.

Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendes

Ryan: Well, so far they're doing what they need to do . . . keeping this match as basic as it could be.
Bauer: Yeah, but Mickey struggles with that normally.
Ryan: OH. Rosa came dangerously close to under-rotating on that rana . . . and we botch the Thesz press . . . and Mendes lands ON HER HIP off the crotch spot. It's the hat trick of screwing up.
Bauer: Thank whatever you believe in they didn't go for the DDT.
Ryan: Amen.

Winner: Mickie James via pinfall
Bauer: Negative Stars got to five, right?
Ryan: Eh, I actually wouldn't go that far. When Rosa was on offense, it wasn't nearly as atrocious as I thought it would be, though I did have my bar set pretty low. That finishing sequence, however, YIKES. I'll go -**.
Bauer: I still say -***.

Hype for the Smackdown Tenth Anniversary Show

Bauer: So explain this one: A Smackdown main event has six RAW guys in it.
Ryan: I understand what they're going for with the HIAC competitors facing each other, but, you're right, it does do a great job of making SD look second rate on their own anniversary show.
Bauer: Especially when every good WWE match since the draft, not involving Christian, has been on Smackdown.

Legacy Cut a Promo on HBK & HHH

Ryan: If I hear Michael Cole refer to DX as "controversial" one more time, I'm going to puke. It has been TWELVE YEARS since they did anything remotely controversial.
Bauer: If you are talking HHH and HBK, then fine . . . but almost all of that happened without HBK in the fold.
Ryan: I don't think that there was anything controversial about the HHH lead version of DX. At that point it was really just penis jokes aimed at fifteen year old boys. All of the cutting edge stuff was during Shawn's first run with the group.
Bauer: If I'm wrong, tell me, but wasn't the Katie Vick nonsense during HHH led DX?
Ryan: No, the Katie Vick deal was when HHH was a singles heel.

(DX Interrupt and Let Us Know that Rhodes & DiBiase are "Boring")

Bauer: Shawn just took the word out of my mouth.
Ryan: Wow, HHH and HBK are stealing lines from Statler and Waldorf. I will agree a bit with the boring comment, though, but that's what happens when you tell guys to copy everything Randy Orton does instead of allowing them to have distinct personalities.
Bauer: Bob Barker is the Hulk? Geez . . .
Ryan: They've been dropping Bob Barker's name a lot since he hosted . . . I wonder if he's become an in-joke backstage for some reason.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

Bauer: So, does either man who stole the US Title stand a real chance of winning it? For some reason, I doubt it.
Ryan: If they do win it, it just goes to show that all of the midcarders are interchangeable with no real hope of being elevated. They've put Kofi over everybody recently, which would seemingly indicate that he's being pushed . . . but if he loses here all of that momentum goes out the window.
Bauer: Yeah, but how else would he lose the belt? Like, what one guy could beat him legit?
Ryan: If they were seriously considering moving him up to a main event level at this point, I'd have him hold the US Title while fighting main eventers, similar to what John Cena did when he was chasing JBL for the WWE Title. That way you can prove he can hang with the top guys before he drops the strap, and the ultimate title loss winds up not hurting him that much, especially if it's done in a screwy fashion.
Bauer: Yeah, but there is no way I buy Kofi as a main eventer.

Ryan: Okay, I think we have a "spot of the night" in Evan climbing to the top rope out of Swagger's doctor bomb attempt.
Bauer: Yeah, and right behind it is Swagger actually hitting the powerbomb.
Ryan: You can argue that Bourne should be treated like a legitimate contender, but he's such an awesome jobber that I'd almost miss him in that role.
Bauer: Couldn't we just switch roles between Miz and Bourne?
Ryan: I don't think that Miz would make his opponents look half as good as Bourne does.
Bauer: True, but Miz winning any singles' title devalues it by 90 percent.
Ryan: As he stands now, yes. However, if they would actually push him building up to a title reign, I don't think that there would be much of a problem.

Winner: Jack Swagger via pinfall
Ryan: I meant every word that I said about Evan Bourne above. The man is a master of putting on exciting squash matches, giving himself just enough flashy offense that the bout is not completely boring but not so much that his opponent, who is the real star of the match, will be overshadowed. He also bumps and get stretched like nobody else on the roster, which all goes towards making look guys like Swagger look like absolute beasts. In short, I could watch Evan Bourne get his ass kicked every week for a year and never get tired of it. *3/4

Chavo Guerrero, Jr. & Chris Masters vs. Hornswoggle & Santino Marella

Bauer: And now it is time for a match that might be less watchable than Rosa vs. Mickie.
Ryan: The only upside of this angle is that it's probably the only thing keeping Chavo employed.
Bauer: I'd rather see him unemployed.
Ryan: I've always had a soft spot for the guy due to his run as a cult favorite in WCW. I was part of the cult, you see.
Bauer: I barely watched WCW, what cult was this?
Ryan: This was the cult that thought Chavo was hilarious during his "crazy" gimmick with Pepe the hobby horse.

Ryan: Jerry Lawler makes the dumbest call of the night with "I don't see how Santino can afford to tag Hornswoggle in." The same Hornswoggle who is UNDEFEATED against Chavo Guerrero.

(Chavo saves Horny from a Masterlock.)

Bauer: Wait . . . did I just see that?
Ryan: Okay, I hate to admit it, but I'm actually curious as to where they're going with this.
Bauer: So he saves Hornswoggle . . . to beat him up later? Or is this a you can't beat him so you join him routine?
Ryan: The only thing that I could think of is that he was jealous and wanted the midget beating to himself . . . but he didn't go for it when he had the opportunity. Perhaps Chavo has been so inspired by the work of the Reverend Al Sharpton that he has decided to mend fences and become an activist for little person equality.
Bauer: I doubt that about as much as I doubt TNA knows what they are doing.

Winner: Chris Masters & Chavo Guerrero, Jr. via submission
Ryan: The post-match angle was somewhat intriguing, but I'll be damned if there was anything worthwhile when it came to the in-ring action. DUD.

Next Week's Guest Host: Some Football Guy

Bauer: Big Ben? I'll tell you right now, I know Pittsburgh is not on a bye week.
Ryan: I know about as much about football as TNA knows about promoting wrestling, so I'll take your word for it.
Bauer: Yeah, booking a QB for guest host who's team is 1-2 and will probably be 1-3 come next Monday . . . great heel chances.
Ryan: It seems like a really desperate attempt to negate the effect that Monday Night Football tends to have on Raw's rating, but, hell, it'll be better than Pac-Man Jones.
Bauer: Dude, it is IMPOSSIBLE to go against MNF next week. Green Bay at Minnesota is the second most anticipated game this year. Even I will have trouble watching Raw next week.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, & The Big Show in a Gauntlet Match

Ryan: And here we go with the main event.
Bauer: Jericho has never beaten Cena one-on-one . . . I bet that continues tonight.
Ryan: I've got a feeling that you're right. Perhaps the only good thing about the lengthy match at the beginning of the show is the fact that it gives Jericho and Show a bit of an out when Cena beats them quickly here.
Bauer: Even if it is not too quick, it's an out . . . but there is no way Big Show loses by anything other than DQ.
Ryan: I would tend to agree with that.

Bauer: And Move 1 twice, Move 2, Move 3, and Move 4 . . . countered. I swear, a monkey could script that.

Ryan: Wow, Jericho is disqualified. That is not what I expected at all. I figured they'd give Cena at least one win clean in the middle before the heels pummeled him.
Bauer: Well, finally they made a good point. Orton talking to them before, he probably asked for that. Like, it doesn't matter if they beat him or not.
Ryan: Though you have to wonder why the referee doesn't have the power to just disqualify both Show and Orton, or at least Show, due to the obvious plot here.
Bauer: Because that match didn't start yet. The bell rang to end one match and again to start the next.
Ryan: Fair enough.
Bauer: Plus, I think I heard Cole say that even if Cena loses to Big Show, he still has to face Orton.
Ryan: Now that you mention it, I do recall that.

(We move on to Show vs. Cena.)

Ryan: The good news for you is that the commercial break took out a solid three minutes of the Big Show in-ring that you were dreading.
Bauer: Always a plus.
Ryan: And we come back from that commercial break to a BEAR HUG. I'm amazed by how much WWE has been able to slow down its in-ring style since the 90's with most fans still buying into it.
Bauer: Any correlation to the slowdown in overall risk?
Ryan: Indeed.

Ryan: Okay, Lawler, we've seen Cena lift up Show every other week for the last year. It is no longer impressive.
Bauer: The only reason this could be impressive is because of how long he was in the Walls.
Ryan: And yet they failed to mention that bit.
Bauer: Are you shocked?
Ryan: Not at all . . .

(Randy hits the ring after Big Show is disqualified.)

Ryan: . . . nor am I surprised by how much Orton is milking this for. Sometimes the man makes Larry Zbyszko's stalling look like a Juventud Guerrera-Rey Misterio match.
Bauer: The cell lowers and Cena no sells the tag Champs immediately.
Ryan: That is fairly ridiculous. Furthermore, why would Orton care if he's in the cage if Cena was beaten down so brutally?
Bauer: For the cell itself . . . Cena popping up is bad enough.
Ryan: And why does Cena have the authority to call for the cage to lower . . . or does he now have some of the Undertaker's magical powers?
Bauer: Well, I guess I don't need to order the PPV now.
Ryan: And why isn't Orton climbing down the other side to get away from Cena? This segment is bringing back bad, bad memories from when I used to review Impact.
Bauer: Oh come on, nothing is that bad.
Ryan: This was the closest thing to TNA bad that I've seen on WWE programming in quite some time. It's not as bad as the worst of TNA, mind you, but I shouldn't be able to ask so many questions about why something is happening in rapid succession.
Bauer: Well, I admit, the commentary didn't help.

Winner: No Contest
Ryan: This can't fairly be rated because, really, it was more one big long angle than it was a match. However, the portions of it that resembled a match weren't all that great. Though Chris Jericho is a world class worker and John Cena tends to do very well in the ring against world class workers, he and Y2J have a bizarre sort of negative chemistry that results in everything they do together looking just a little bit sloppy. Combine that with a very plodding encounter between the Doctor of Thuganomics and the Big Show, and this was not heading towards a good place at all even before all logic went out the window with Cena magically healing to face Orton and the cell lowering for no apparent reason. This was my least favorite Raw main event segment in a long, long time.

To Sum It All Up

Bauer: Overall, this was a weird show. You have three matches from Raw on the pay per view this Sunday and 25% of the show was dedicated to a team not in one of those matches. Meanwhile, nothing was done to make me want to order Hell in a Cell this Sunday. DX and Legacy was pretty bland. The US Title three way match build was weak. And Cena just gave me the Attitude Adjustment on top on the cell, which takes away from him doing it on Sunday. The only positive is that the good Reverend didn't come anywhere close to as much as air time as other hosts. Those who boycotted didn't miss much of what they didn't want to see . . . or of what they would want to see.

And that does it for another week. Thanks again to Michael Bauer for filling in for Chris Lansdell, and be sure to follow all of 411's various Twitter fees for the latest news on the site!

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Ciao!