2 Raw, 2 Furious 10.05.09

Posted by Ryan Byers on 10.06.2009

Different week, same show.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to 2 Raw, 2 Furious. After a one-week hiatus caused by hatred of Al Sharpton, my regular co-host, Chris Lansdell is back to entertain you all this week. Thanks again to Michael Bauer for filling in for Chris during his absence. While Lansdell was away, a heck of a lot has happened to the wrestlers who inhabit the Raw brand. Randy Orton reclaimed the top championship on the show, while D-Generation X seemingly put their feud with Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. to bed. What does WWE have in store for the world just three weeks away form their next pay per view event?

Why let's take a look . . .



Pre-Show Scuttlebutt

Chris: Interesting point you made about wrestlers who have done worse than Al Sharpton.
Ryan: I thought that Meehan did a nice follow-up with running down the racism in WWE's past as well.
Chris: Absolutely. Thing is, that was all scripted and done for "entertainment." Sharpton really believes it. Racial stereotyping is a step below out and out racial hatred
Ryan: Except I'm not convinced that Sharpton actually hates anybody.
Chris: No more than most racists. They do what they do out of ignorance.
Ryan: I've seen one, maybe two quotes floated out there to support the proposition that Sharpton is a racist repeatedly, and I have a hard time basing my opinion of any man with decades of public exposure on one or two quotes.
Chris: It's not so much quotes as his unwavering belief that everything that ever happened to a black man is a result of racism and "the man" keeping a black man down.
Ryan: Which is certainly not accurate, but I actually believe that it's a helpful voice to have in the world, because there ARE still negative things that happen to the African American community as a result of racial prejudice, and people like Sharpton, for better or for worse, are often the loudest to decry these legitimate instances.
Chris: I see it completely the opposite. I guess as a black man my take is a little different, but there is enough legitimate racial discrimination that we face on a daily basis. Having a goon like Sharpton draw attention to causes that are NOT legit just makes it harder for the real issues to get attention. If the problem is real the media will pick it up without him sticking his nose in. If black people want to be treated equally, and really that's all anyone wants, then we need to stop asking for favourable treatment at every turn.
Ryan: But does any of that make him a "racist" as people claim? An idiot, maybe, if that's your belief, but a racist?
Chris: I believe it does. He thinks blacks and whites should be treated differently. Isn't that the definition of a racist?
Ryan: I would actually define racism as the belief that one or more races are inherently inferior to others.
Chris: However you define it, I think it was clear that WWE was aware of the backlash brewing and made a conscious effort to cut down on his airtime
Ryan: Absolutely.
Chris: And it is not like them to shy away from controversy
Ryan: It is, however, like them to kiss the ass of and put a happy face on any celebrity that will give them the time of day . . . hence MVP, Jericho, Henry, and Show all lining up to figuratively fellate Sharpton in that opening segment.
Chris: Was that as kitschy as it sounded from the recap?
Ryan: It was godawful. Show litereally started clapping at one point. Granted, they actually WERE promoting a worthwhile cause (education) but it came off as such a desperate attempt by WWE to pander to their guest hosts so that they could keep lining them up.
Chris: I guess they could also have figured that they had to puff him up as much as they could while he was on air, because it wasn't going to last.
Ryan: Most likely. Also amusing was how quickly the live crowd gave up on their hatred of the guy as soon as he announced a title match.
Chris: Typical.
Ryan: Though, really, I have a feeling that most of the wrestling fans who hated the idea of Sharpton on Raw did not have a hatred based in reason as you do. They were most likely just jeering him because Fox News has told them that he's an EVIL LIBERAL.
Chris: ZOMG OH NOEZ
Ryan: I hate those damend liberals . . . trying to replace my Medicaid with some kind of socialist government-run healthcare.
Chris: Yeah, because that works horribly in Canada, and in the UK. I mean, if a hospital wants to refuse me treatment because I don't have insurance and let me die in their parking lot, I say let them!
Ryan: Well, even now in the US they can't refuse you emergency room treatment because of lack of insurance . . . but the notion that absolutely nothing needs to be done to revamp our system is fairly ridiculous. And that's coming from me, who has great employer provided healthcare and would likely have to pay more taxes for a government-run plan without seeing any direct benefit.




Ben Roethlisberger Opens the Show, Books a Five Bajillion Woman Match

Ryan: And, unless I've not been paying attention for the last couple of weeks, we have an updated opening.
Chris: Sure looks that way.
Ryan: It should be interesting to see what, if anything, changes on this show after people in the company reportedly were not happy at all when the Ultimate Fighter beat them in the ratings last week.

Chris: Is Big Ben getting booed in his own city?
Ryan: Well, he knows we've got Eagles fans. This is the problem with having two NFL teams in the same state.
Chris: NO! They are not FANS! They are members of the WWE Universe!
Ryan: They'll dock his pay for that one, no doubt.
Chris: It's a two minute DRILL, Cole, you moron . . . not drive.

A Bunch of Women vs. Another Bunch of Women

(Ryan's Note: WWE didn't bother to identify half of the women in this match, so why should I? I'm just following their example.)

Ryan: Did you hear why Kim has the ref job?
Chris: No, I missed it.
Ryan: She ruptured an implant.
Chris: That's gotta suck.

Ryan: How sad is it that the only way I was able to identify Rosa Mendes was her hideous tattoo?

Chris: This whole "match" is ridiculous.
Ryan: JESUS. STOP BUMPING ON TO YOUR ASS, ALICIA! That makes me cringe every time.
Chris: It *is* well padded.
Ryan: And it appears that Jillian has had her face broken thanks to Kelly Kelly.
Chris: Oh, I do love a good finisher-fest.
Ryan: I love it when the finishers hit without killing people, which didn't appear to be the case about half the time there.

Winners: The Babyface Women via pinfall (Mickie James victory roll)
Ryan: This was godawful. First of all, not only were the women not named, but they were all put in identical outfits so that it was virtually impossible to tell the blondes from the blondes and the burnettes from the brunettes, which it turn prevented any individual from getting over. On top of that, these nameless, faceless wrestlers were thrown out there to do a rapid-fire series of moves that close to none of them were prepared to do, resulting in at least two scary spots, the first coming when Jillian Hall got a face full of canvas thanks to Kelly Kelly's elevated legdrop and the second coming when Melina Perez flattened poor Beth Phoenix with her version of Big Show's old hog log. With matches like this, I am amazed that the injury rate is not significantly higher in WWE's women's division, and I keep my fingers crossed every day that one of the rough moves from these unpolished performers doesn't prematurely end a career or a life. DUD.

Enter Randy Orton

Chris: And now it appears to be fourth and long, so it's time to PUNT.
Ryan: Well, that's a shame. I was hoping that Orton was coming out to issue a champion versus champion challenge to Mickie. Apparently they're just letting Orton enter and clearing out the girls during the commercial.
Chris: How do you get that job?
Ryan: I believe a contract with Satan is necessary . . . and I mean the real Satan, I'm not unleashing smark fury and casting Vince McMahon as the devil.
Chris: That sounds like a limit break in Final Fantasy: The Internet Chronicles. SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK FURYYYYYY!
Ryan: I have no earthly clue what that means, but I'll assume it's funny.
Chris: Probably not a good assumption, but we'll run with it.

(John Cena appears.)

Chris: In addition to everything else Cena said here, Orton defeated him pretty cleanly as well.
Ryan: Indeed he did. He used the ropes, but that's hardly any less clean than chucking a guy off or through the cage, which has been a "clean" finish in the past for these matches.
Chris: If it's not against the rules of the match, it's a clean win.
Ryan: Well, it depends on how they play it. Sometimes they'll have a heel do something that's technically within the rules of the match but is still portrayed as being unsportsmanlike and therefore not exactly "clean."
Chris: Cena looks pretty healthy for a guy who got punted in the head. What's the betting they don't bother explaining that?
Ryan: They've got a built-in explanation if they chose to use it, so we shall see.
Chris: A couple, actually. It was a glancing blow, Orton's leg was hurt and he couldn't push off as hard as he usually does, Cena turned his head to absorb some impact . . .
Ryan: Bingo.

Chris: Cena might be exaggerating the quality of his matches with Orton somewhat here.
Ryan: Slightly. They've been good, but not classics, with the possible exception of the Breaking Point match, which was memorable because it's so different from WWE's typical M.O.
Chris: OH DEAR GOD NO.
Ryan: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Chris: OH GOOD GOD SAVE US ALL.
Ryan: CENA. IRON MAN. I LOVE IT.
Chris: At least Orton can kill ten minutes with his entrance.
Ryan: I'm just looking forward to the next three weeks of all the Negative Nancies out there on the internet complaining about how, because Cena is involved, this will be the worst iron man match ever.
Chris: Do YOU want to watch him wrestle for an hour?
Ryan: The last time I did, it was one of the best matches of the year.
Chris: Randy Orton is hardly Shawn Michaels.
Ryan: . . . which is why they're making it a No DQ iron man match, apparently.
Chris: And of course Legacy won't figure in this at all.
Ryan: Of course not.

Chris: I have a bad feeling this ends in a draw. Notice how they are taking great pains to say Cena leaves if he LOSES, not if he fails to win the title. Although Smackdown could use Cena . . . let's face it, it's not likely.
Ryan: I don't know, I think it's a little too early to call. If they play up the "feud ending" aspect as Cole seemed to do as we were headed into commercial, I have a hard time seeing them giving an inconclusive finish.

Jack Swagger vs. Primo Colon

(Jack Swagger enters.)

Chris: Well look who it is.
Ryan: The Miz!
Ryan: Or is that Kofi Kingston?
Ryan: Or is that Evan Bourne?
Chris: I think it's Carlito.

Ryan: Well, at least Swagger's got a storyline for the rest of the year . . . or until they give up on it, whichever happens first.
Chris: You know what? That's a decent little gimmick, but that delivery was God-awful.
Ryan: I thought it was fine until that ridiculous attempt at giving him a catchphrase.
Chris: He sounded wooden, and I think something like that should have been delivered with more passion.
Ryan: At least it's Swagger getting the mic time and angle and not Chris Masters.

Chris: I still say he looks like a special ed gorilla.
Ryan: I'm not even sure what that means.
Chris: Me neither. It's just what comes into my head when I see him.
Ryan: He's uniquely proportioned, I'll give you that.
Chris: Plus with the dumb grin and the chest-beating and weird hopping up and down . . .

Winner: Jack Swagger via pinfall (doctor bomb)
Ryan: Primo is a lot like Evan Bourne. Both guys are among the best young workers in all of WWE, but they're currently being used in enhancement roles as opposed to being positioned as legitimate threats at any level of the card. In some ways it's sad, because I like to see talent with upward mobility. In other ways, it's great, because both of them are so skilled at putting other wrestlers over that using them to make other dudes look better may be one of the better uses of their skills. In any event, this was a perfectly acceptable squash match and a fine way to kick of Swagger's march towards his undefeated streak. *

Chris: Impressive win by Swagger. And if he does as he says he will, surely he gets a title shot at the Rumble?
Ryan: That depends on who he beats for the next three months. If he's just besting the same four midcard guys we know they'll put him over, then no way is he ready for a title shot. If he actually starts moving up the card and picking off people above him, maybe.
Chris: The issue there being that the jump from Kofi and MVP to HBK and HHH is, well . . . huge.
Ryan: Indeed it is. If you want to elevate him with an undefeated streak, you almost have to do a bunch of interbrand matches . . . put him over Christian, Morrison, Finlay, etc.
Chris: Which works well with Bragging Rights coming up.
Ryan: Assuming that's the gimmick that they actually go with for the show . . . if it is, I'm surprised that we haven't gotten there yet in this show.
Chris: Maybe it's just me being easily amused, but Santino mock-echoing himself was fun
Ryan: No sooner do I question the inter-brand gimmick than Cole and King announce it. They explained it poorly, but they explained it.

Big Ben Books Miz in an "I'm Awful" Match

Chris: You know, this Big Ben guy isn't half bad.
Ryan: No, they've certainly had worse authority figures. In fact, they have a worse one every Tuesday night on ECW.
Chris: Well, not right now they don't.
Ryan: Thank you, Serena Deeb.
Chris: I really wish they'd stop booking themselves into corners, though.
Ryan: What've they done this time?
Chris: Well, this whole Miz stipulation. It's not a serious corner, but why would you make that stipulation?
Ryan: To get a funny moment out of your Guest GM? They've talked about the Steelers offensive line being there, so I'd imagine that Miz loses, he refuses to say the line, and they get the Steelers to intimidate/beat him in to doing it.
Chris: I can see it I suppose. Don't like it, but I can see it.
Ryan: It's no worse than pinning Miz every other week, which apparently isn't going to stop anytime soon.

Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jr. & Chris Masters

Ryan: huh, Masters vs. Henry. I think this is one of the few Raw matchups that we've never really seen before . . . proving that unique isn't always good.
Chris: It's probably because Henry hasn't been on Raw for a while.
Ryan: Nor has Masters in the grand scheme of things.

Ryan: It's so weird watching Chavo wrestle in a serious match again.
Chris: Careful, he'll insult you on Twitter!
Ryan: I don't know why . . . I'm glad to see him back in this role. His basics are better than those of 80% of people on the Raw roster.

Chris: Did he just lose to three elbow drops?
Ryan: I believe he did.
Chris: Well, at least they weren't from a midget.
Ryan: This week.

Winners: Mark Henry & MVP via pinfall (three elbow drops)
Ryan: Chavo looked as good as he has in months due to the fact that he was in there with two full-sized opponents, but there was an apparent injury to Mark Henry's knee during the match that kept it from ever really getting out of the gates . . . though I sincerely doubt that this match was headed for the highest of heights, injury or no injury. 3/4*

Big Ben Hits the Ring and is Met by the Tag Champs

Chris: Ah, it's time for your weekly Jericho-Host interaction.
Ryan: I don't know if there's anybody better for the position.
Chris: Probably not, it's just predictable.

(The Steelers offensive line shows up to confront Big Show.)

Ryan: A bunch of men I don't recognize are here!
Chris: There's the beef.
Ryan: Yikes, way to kill Show's gimmick. He's taller, but he doesn't look that much bigger than any of these guys.
Chris: He doesn't look that much taller even.
Ryan: No, just a couple of inches.

(Men begin crouching in front of each other with menacing looks on their faces.)

Ryan: They're getting ready to do a sumo exhibition!
Chris: Bring out Monster Bono!



Chris: Or DX. Either or. I wish this didn't lead to DX vs Show and Jericho.
Ryan: I had a feeling that DX might be the next feud for Jericho and Show.

Chris: HA! Big Show just called them JeriShow!
Ryan: They did that last week as well.

Ryan: I hope that they realize saying "That's a SportsCenter moment!" makes it less likely to be a SportsCenter moment.
Chris: It'll make the show anyway. They'll just cut the commentary.

Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Mike "The Miz" Mizanin

Ryan: huh, Kofi is from Ghana now.
Chris: Yeah, I noticed that on SmackDown I think.
Ryan: Does that mean he's changing his name to Kofi Accra?
Chris: I'm going to place some money on "NO."
Ryan: This match is dying a slow, painful death . . . and it's going through a commercial . . . Jeebus.
Chris: There really hasn't been anything to it, which is strange since I'm sure I remember them working well against each other.
Ryan: They've always worked competently against each other. I've never seen them do anything which made me think, "Wow, that's great!" but they've also never made me think, "Wow, that's godawful."
Chris: That said, this isn't awful. It's just nondescript
Ryan: The real problem with it is that the crowd isn't in to at all, and it seems like they don't know how to work to get the crowd into it as opposed to just sticking with the match they laid out backstage.
Chris: There was a similar problem last night with R-Truth and Drew McIntyre. The crowd shat all over it.
Ryan: Well, they were handicapped by the fact that they had to follow a Hell in a Cell match. I don't think anything was getting over after that, which is why those lame filler divas matches are sometimes necessary.
Chris: Oh, absolutely. You can't just run main event after main event, or one will impact the other.

Ryan: Am I seeing things, or does Miz have Charles Manson's eyes on the back of his tights?
Chris: Hard to get a decent view, but I don't think they're even eyes.

Ryan: It's sort of sad when your "Skullcrushing Finale" puts the guy's head nowhere near the mat.

Winner: Mike "The Miz" Mizanin via pinfall (The Stroke)
Ryan: There has been this trend over the last several weeks on Monday Night Raw in which Michael Cole begins to talk up any match that goes over a certain period of time (usually seven or eight minutes) as though it is a classic or an all-time great in-ring performance by one or both of the men involved. He did it again this week. However, anybody who has actually watched a classic match realizes that this one – as well as all of the other Raw midcard matches that Cole his built up over the last several weeks – are far from classics. They're technically proficient but vanilla matches that are all completely interchangeable with one another, just like the wrestlers in them. That's probably a big part of the reason that the crowd put forth zero reaction to this bout until the closing few moves, and that's one of the big reasons why none of these young stars on Raw are getting over in a way that will move them up the card. **

Ryan: Call me crazy, but I think that result does more to hurt the US Title and Kofi than it does to help Miz.
Chris: I dunno, Kofi has done all he can with that belt really. What was left for him to do or prove?
Ryan: As I talked about a couple of weeks ago, I think he needed to be elevated while still holding the title . . . or at least he should have lost it to somebody who hasn't been a near jobber for the last three months.
Chris: Well that rules out the whole midcard. Honestly, I thought he'd drop last night, but we'll see where it goes.
Ryan: You're right, it does rule out the whole midcard, which goes back to what you were talking about earlier with the company booking itself into corners.
Chris: But to fix that, they need to start bringing midcarders to the forefront, and Kofi is a good vehicle to do so.
Ryan: I don't understand what was wrong with the old system, where a guy was introduced and won more than he lost until he was ready for a run in the main event.
Chris: I'm sure there are reasons for abandoning that. Not good ones, but reasons nonetheless.
Ryan: I believe it has something to do with Lesnar and Lashley, who are the last guys that got that kind of push . . . which, if the case, is complete bullshit, because you don't abandon a system that has worked for decades because of two guys.

Triple H & Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho & The Big Show

Ryan: ha, Cole's "You can't go there" to Lawler's "Something About Mary" reference was pretty good.
Ryan: We're PG now, kids!
Chris: Even if it is an iconic cinema moment
Ryan: I think "iconic" is a bit of a stretch . . . but, then again, I never watched the movie.

Chris: I missed it, was this announced as a title match?
Ryan: I don't recall them having said it. If anything, it would be better as a non-title match that DX wins to set up a rematch at the PPV.
Chris: I can handle that. I mean, who else are they going to fight? That applies to either team.
Ryan: Yeah, the only other speculation that I heard about a feud for DX after HIAC was a split leading to them facing each other.
Chris: I think that will be HBK's last feud . . . so maybe Mania?
Ryan: Who knows. I think that assumes that Taker isn't on his way out at this year's Mania.
Chris: Probably more likely, given the shape he's reported to be in.
Ryan: Though there has been more than one point during Taker's career at which he's supposedly been too beaten up to go much longer only for him to come back and be seemingly greater than ever before.
Chris: If the hip replacement rumour is true, this time would be different. And he's not getting any younger, to state the obvious.
Ryan: But if he goes, who will be left to offer fashion advice to CM Punk?
Chris: Hmm . . . maybe he could copy John Cena.
Ryan: He's no John Cena, and, if he even makes a comment that remotely implies that he is, I will give him what for.
Chris: He'd probably run miles from the comparison anyway . . . not that they don't get along, but Cena and Punk don't mesh.
Ryan: Indeed. One guy the company sees as a big star and one guy the company puts in the opening match and squashes for wearing the wrong shirt.

Chris: Am I alone in not buying into this match? It just seems like it's disjointed and full of stalling.
Ryan: It's certainly not as great as you would expect from the wrestlers involved, but that's probably in part due to the level of performance that they've all put on in the last twenty-four hours.
Chris: There's a lot of merit to that "fewer shows" argument when you think about it.
Ryan: Not even necessarily "fewer shows" in this instance but just a deeper roster so that you don't have to rely on the same guys time and time again. You've really only got twenty-five or so guys you can put on Raw in a given night if you play by the rules of the brand split. I remember WCW having literally over eighty guys to put on an episode of Nitro back in the day and how much more fresh it made the show feel on a week-to-week basis.
Chris: Hence the third hour, and three hours of Thunder.

Winners: Triple H & Shawn Michaels via pinfall (The Usual)
Ryan: This was a standard television main event. Every TV main event on Raw for the last several months has felt like it came out of a factory on an assembly line, with just a slightly different paint job or a handful of parts rearranged. As I mentioned in the play-by-play, I realize that the wrestlers probably couldn't perform at their highest level, in part because of the matches that they put on at the pay per view last night and in part because if they're doing a rematch for the titles they need to hold a little bit back so that the more important match is higher in quality. However, the fact that I understand why the match isn't as good as it could have been doesn't mean that I have to like it any more than I did. **

Ryan: Yes, it was a non-title match.
Ryan: Moments like this make Raw the best show in the history of cable television?
Ryan: Cole has reached Schiavone levels of hyperbole.
Chris: Schmoozing with a bunch of offensive tackles makes for a great moment?
Chris: You'd think they'd won the titles.
Ryan: No, they're just being DX and giving the mainstream media another photo op.

To Sum It All Up

Ryan: This show is on a treadmill. It's the same personalities having the same matches with one another week in and week out, all building towards matches on pay per view that don't seem like anything special compared to the glory days of professional wrestling. The most unique and interesting part of the show over the last several weeks, the development of Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase, Jr. was completely absent from this episode, and that took things down below even the lower level of show that we've been receiving recently. This program desperately needs an infusion of new talent that the promotion will allow to be taken seriously en route to being moved up to the main event, but, unfortunately, that does not seem to be on the horizon . . .

. . . and WWE wonders why the Ultimate Fighter wound up with more viewers last week.

And that does it for another week. Be sure to follow all of 411's various Twitter fees for the latest news on the site!

http://www.twitter.com/411mania
http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma

Ciao!