411's WWE Raw Report 11.02.09

Posted by Rob McNew on 11.02.2009

Ozzy and Sharon Osborne host Raw, and give us a huge triple threat main event featuring JeriShow and John Cena. Elsewhere Randy Orton continues his pursuit of Kofi Kingston, but runs into trouble with MVP and Mark Henry. All that plus a talent show in which the highlight is Chris Masters's rhythmic moobs.



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-Welcome one and all to another exciting edition of Monday Night Raw. Unlike last Monday when the football game was a dog, and baseball was off, this week Raw faces some stiff competition from the sports world. With undefeated New Orleans playing on Monday Night, and the New York Yankees attempting to close out their 27th World Series Championship Raw needed to bring out the big guns, and bring them out they did as the Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne and wife Sharon host Raw. DX has been named co-number one contenders for John Cena's newly won WWE Championship at Survivor Series so we shall see if they can continue to co-exist or if there will be trouble inside camp DX. Also will Kofi's Jesus push continue, as Randy Orton continues to chase him down? Lets find out.

-Live from the DCU Center in Worcester, MA

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Sharon and Ozzy kick off the show in the ring with Ozzy sitting in a throne in the ring. Sharon says this isn't the first time Ozzy has been in a WWE ring, and we see clips of Ozzy at Wrestlemania 2 and also in a live performance on Smackdown in 2007. Sharon asks him if he remembers, and he says he absolutely does not. Miz interrupts right away, and mocks Sharon asking if its "really" going to be a crazy night. He says he plans on having a good time tonight seeing as he is a bigger star than the entire Osborne family combined. Miz says last week he was robbed in his match with Evan Bourne, and he asks that they strike it from the record. He wants the decision overturned, but Ozzy wants to know who bloody hell he is. He says he's the US Champion, and he's awesome, but he's then interrupted by Rhodes and Dibiase. Rhodes asks if Miz wants to really complain about losing by count out, and says they have a real problem. He says they bought Orton a special gift, but Dibiase corrects him saying he paid for most it. He says it was destroyed by Kofi Kingston, and Rhodes asks for a handicap match with Kofi tonight. Miz tells them to wait their turn as Ozzy and Sharon are going to deal with him first. That brings out Big Show, and he tells them not to listen to these whiners and complainers. He says last week on Raw he was betrayed and assaulted by the entire roster, and he demands an apology. Ozzy says he's so sorry, but Show says he doesn't want an apology from him. He asks the Osborne's to make the Raw roster to come out and apologize, and if not they're going to get a fist. Ozzy screams "SHARON!", and now DX comes out. Triple H apologizes for the interruption, but before this got out of control with the four ratings killer he thought he'd come out and make the save. He says the Osborne's have a lot in common with DX. He shills Ozzy's book, and uses that as a reason to shill their own book as well. Miz says this isn't a chance for a shameless plug, and says this is serious. DX says they're going to take control of things Wizard of Oz or should he say Blizzard of Oz style. Everyone is going to get what they want. HHH whispers in Ozzy's ear, and Ozzy says tonight Miz will face Evan "Braun" for the US Title. HBK tells Legacy he's going to help them out. He whispers in Sharon's ear, and now she books a match between "Kobe" Kingston and Randy Orton. HHH tells "Benedict Fat Guy" that they didn't forget about him, but Show changes his mind and says maybe he should get a triple threat match. He whispers in Ozzy's ear, and Ozzy books a match between John Cena, Chris Jericho, and Big Show. Show complains that's not what he said, but Sharon tells him the decision is final and if he's not down with that she's got two words for them. I'm just hoping a match is booked at some point between Kobe Kingston and Kofi Johnston.

WWE United States Championship: The Miz © vs. Evan Bourne
Miz attacks Bourne right at the outset with a boot to the head, and a knee to the throat. Bourne comes back countering a hiptoss with a hurracanrana, and then a spinning heel kick sending Miz to the floor. Bourne catapults over the top with a knee to the face of Miz, before throwing him back inside for a two count. Miz comes right back with a knee to the gut to regain control, and then drops Bourne across the top rope. Bourne delivers a kick to the ribs, and locks in a seated abdominal stretch. Miz tries to turn it into a pumphandle slam, but Bourne reverses coming down on top for two. Miz fights back with a suplex attempt, but it is countered by a knee from Bourne. Bourne hits a running kneelift, and then delivers a spin kick to the back of the head from the second rope for two. Miz comes back with a jawbreaker, but charges into a boot from Bourne in the corner. Bourne goes for the Air Bourne, but Miz moves and Bourne lands on his feet. Miz runs Bourne into the buckle, and hits the skull crushing finale to pick up the win at 4:14. Very good match for the short time it got. There was a fleeting moment when I thought Bourne might actually pull it off.
Winner: STILL WWE United States Champion-The Miz (Pinfall-Skull Crushing Finale **1/2)

-Josh Mathews catches up with Sheamus who says as far as he is concerned Ozzy Osborne's career should have been over a long time ago, and after tonight when he's through Jamie Noble's career will be.

Sheamus vs. Jamie Noble
Here we go. One of the most anticipated rematches since Hogan and Andre faced off in Indianapolis. Its Noble-Sheamus II. Sheamus attacks early and rams Noble into the buckle before dropping a series of knees on his head sending him to the floor. Sheamus chases him outside and rams him into the ringpost before chucking him back inside. Sheamus delivers a clothesline to the back of the head, and continues the assault with a series of boots to the head. Sheamus drives a pair of elbows to the forehead, and then hits a knee lift. Sheamus delivers a Rock Bottom into a backbreaker, and then hits a running big boot which gets two as Sheamus picks up Jamie at two. Sheamus pounds Jamie down in the corner, and the ref pulls him off an calls for the stoppage at 2:26. Now THAT is how you do a squash. Sheamus continues the assault delivering a big boot sending Noble crashing all the way to the floor, and then delivers a powerbomb on the floor as referees pull him off and Noble does the stretcher job. Appears to be a slight change in direction for Sheamus who now be getting a Sid Vicious circa 1989 type gimmick.
Winner: Sheamus (Ref Stoppage ½*)

-Recap of the Kofi-Orton angle from last Monday

-Josh Mathews talks to Kofi Kingston, and asks if he has any regrets. Kofi says Orton lost his title at Bragging Rights, and any chance he has of getting it backs. He says Orton is like a classic bully who wants to blame someone else for his problems. He says he won't be bullied. He says he destroyed all of the car, but he didn't touch the mirror because it's the one thing Randy needs to use the most. He says he left the mirror so Randy could see exactly why is no longer Champion, and follows up with saying he doesn't regret a thing.

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston
Orton walks to the ring like he downed a pair of Five Hour Energy's before the match. By Orton standards that was an Ultimate Warrior like entrance. Orton smacks Kofi, but Kofi answers and that leads right into a brawl. Orton takes control throwing Kofi to the corner, and stomping him to the mat. Orton delivers a right hand, but Kofi ducks a second and delivers a standing dropkick. Kofi clotheslines Orton over the top to the floor and then heads outside after him firing Orton back inside. Legacy comes out to their aid, but Kofi throws Orton outside on top of them. Kofi then hits a suicide dive taking out all three on the floor, and heads back inside. Ozzy shows up on the titantron, and says he knew this was going to happen so this is now a six man tag. He then introduces Kofi's partners…MVP and Mark Henry. New Nation? They head to the ring as we head to break.

Randy Orton & The Legacy vs. Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & Montel Vontavious Porter
Back from break with Dibiase in control of a side headlock on Kofi. Kofi comes free and hiptosses Dibiase and then sends Orton and Rhodes to the floor. Tag to MVP who comes in and he delivers the ballin' elbow as Kofi hits the boom drop. That gets a two count so MVP tags in Mark Henry who is in with a headbutt for Dibiase. Dibiase ducks a clothesline, and then delivers a low dropkick allowing him to tag in Cody. They try to double team, but Henry delivers a double clothesline taking both guys out. Henry whips Cody to the corner, and tags in MVP who charges into a boot from Rhodes. Cody goes for a suplex, but MVP blocks it and goes for one of his own. Rhodes tags in Dibiase who makes the save and hits a Side Russian Legsweep for two. Dibiase puts MVP in the heel corner, and tags in Orton who pounds MVP down in the corner. Tag to Dibiase who delivers an elbow drop, and a boot to the face for two. Cody tags in and drops a knee on the forehead of MVP before locking in half nelson chinlock. MVP comes free, but hits the ropes running into a dropkick from Cody for a two count. Orton tags back in and puts the boots to the lower back of MVP. He picks up MVP to deliver a standing dropkick for two. MVP tries to fight back, but Orton hits a drop toehold. Orton goes for a running kneedrop which connects for a two count. Orton grabs a chinlock, but MVP elbows free. MVP delivers a clothesline, and goes for the hot tag but Orton stops it by knocking Kofi from the apron and tagging in Ted. Dibiase runs into a throw from MVP who finally makes the hot tag to Mark Henry. Henry comes in with a headbutt to Rhodes who is also now legal, and follows with an avalanche. Henry goes for the Worlds Strongest Slam, but Orton makes the save. Orton goes for an RKO, but Kofi is in with a dropkick sending him to the floor. Henry comes back to hit the Worlds Strongest Slam which finishes at 11:47 (including the singles match). This was great booking. Some might complain about the bait and switch, but what they did was make Kofi seem like a very legit threat to Orton without actually having them do much in the ring. Now it's a match you'd pay to see. Well done.
Winners: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & Montel Vontavious Porter (Henry pins Rhodes-Worlds Strongest Slam **3/4)

-Jerry Lawler is in the ring with Ozzy and Sharon as they host "Raw's Got Talent." Oh lord, this will either be awesome or terrible. There's no real middle ground. Lawler brings out the third judge for the show The Great Khali which means we're already off to a good start for this segment. Khali blabs some jibberish which Lawler translates as having a huge crush on Kelly Osborne. Sharon says she'd love to have him as a son in law. Our first contestant to sing the classic Ozzy tune Bark at the Moon is Santino Marella. Santino comes out dressed as Santino who says he's not going to sing because he's not a dog, but says Ozzy and Harriet is big in Italy. He's going to bite the head off a bat…batman in fact. It's a toy Batman, and Santino does bite it off and gets buzzed off the stage. Chris Masters is out next, and he flexes his pecs to the tune of Crazy Train. Sharon liked it, and Khali found it oddly mesmorizing. Ozzy wants him to get a bra. Next up is Jillian and Chavo for a duet. Jillian is a huge Ozzy fan, and when she heard Chavo was singing she insisted on it being a duet. They sing the Ozzy/Lita Ford song "If I Close my Eyes Forever." They of course butcher it, and Ozzy wants to rename the song "If I Close my Ears Forever." Jillian takes exception to that, and tells Sharon she's always been jealous of Lita Ford. She then sings Brittany on the way to the ring as she's going to tell it to Sharon's face, but she gets a smack from Sharon. Chavo tells Ozzy to control his wife, and Ozzy tells him that he can do that because Ozzy can't. Chavo gets up in Sharon's grill, and Khali stands up for her giving her a brain chop. That leads to the obligatory Hornswoggle run in, and Tadpole splash to Chavo. This time however Swoggle is dressed up as Jack Osborne. Just in case you couldn't tell based on the description this would fall into the "terrible" category.

-British Boxer Ricky Hatton who just woke up from getting knocked out by Manny Pacquio will host Raw next week from England.

Six Diva Number One Contender's Battle Royal Participants-Alicia Fox, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, and Eve Torres
You guessed it…BIG BRAWL TO START. A Bella faces off with Gail while the other one ends up with Eve. Kelly is left to do battle with Alicia. Gail hits a neckbreaker on a Bella as Melina watches on from the back. Gail is first to be dumped by Kelly on accident when she tried to save her from a Bella. Jack Swagger randomly wanders out to get a closer look as Eve eliminates both Bellas. Swagger seems pleased with that, and Eve catches his eye only to get dumped from behind by Alicia. That leaves Kelly and Alicia. Kelly goes for a handspring elbow in the corner, but gets caught in a waistlock by Fox who throws Kelly out to win at 2:43. Battle Royals suck. Divas wrestling sucks. Therefore this match sucked.
Winner: Alicia Fox (Last Eliminates Kelly DUD)

-Recap of everything Jamie getting killed, and all of the Osborne shenanigans from tonight.

-Recap of Rey and Batista from Smackdown. BREAKING NEWS…Dave Batista is about a billion times better heel than babyface.

-Chris Jericho stops by to talk to the Osbornes. Jericho says they are making a mockery of Raw just like all the other guest hosts, and says one of the reasons he's the best in the world at what he does is Ozzy. He talks about what a big fan of Ozzy he is, and talks about what a influence he was on him. He then realized that he didn't need to pander to the fans, and now says that he's better than both of them. He leaves but Ozzy then asks Sharon who the hell that was. That might have been a shoot comment.

-DX talks to Hornswoggle, and has him hung up on the wall. HHH says they've discussed this with their legal team, and they understand what this means. They need at least two weeks where he doesn't interfere with their intellectual property. Shawn says if they imitate them again he's in big trouble, but here's Cena to take him down. Cena says you can never hang a leprachan on a hook, and says his Uncle hung a Leprachan on a hook once. Cena says its Hornswoggle's idea that they are all fighting each other, but Shawn questions Swoggle's ability to know or care that he was responsible. HHH says he's not sweating the Triple Threat match because a few weeks ago he beat Cena, and HBK reminds Cena that they're going to England where he beat Cena too. Cena says he's beat both of them too, and they've all took turns beating each other. That leads to an awkward pause, and the Bellas walk away disgusted. Cena says that didn't come out right. Shawn says he took physics without taking algebra. He says DX has a mathematical probability of leaving with the title. Cena says anything can happen in a triple threat match, and they could end up beating up on each other. He says they always say they got two words, but he's got four for them. The Champ is Here! Cena leaves, and Shawn yells that people need to get their own material. He's tired of everyone stealing their stuff. This was hysterical.

Triple Threat Match: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show
DX join the commentary team for this one. That should makes this entertaining regardless of the match quality. Joined in progress out of the break with Show and Cena on the floor. Cena slides down the back of Show and posts him before coming back inside. Cena delivers a fisherman's suplex to Jericho for two, but Show then pulls him back out to the floor and throws him into the guardrail. Show fires Cena back inside and Jericho goes for the cover. Show makes the save which causes a bit of Jerishow dissension. They talk things out and go back to work on Cena. Show delivers a suplex to Cena, and Jericho delivers a boot. DX is totally stealing the show on commentary for what its worth. Cena goes for a shoulderblock on Show, but gets quickly shoved off by the big man. Jericho holds Cena for Show who delivers a chop, and they take turns trading blows. Jericho delivers a back suplex, and then they send Cena crashing into the corner with a double Irish Whip. Show fires Jericho into Cena, and then goes for an ass splash which misses. Cena comes back with a running bulldog on Jericho, but Show delivers a spear to Cena to regain control. Jericho delivers a Lionsault, but Show stops the cover at two. Show and Jericho have words, and Jericho smacks the big man. That proves to be a mistake as Show piefaces him over the top rope. Show goes for the chokeslam on Cena, but he counters into an Attitude Adjustment attempt. Cena collapses under the weight of Show though, and that puts Show back firmly in control. Show goes for a Vader Bomb, but it misses. Show charges into the boots of Cena who then hits the ropes and delivers a flying shoulderblock sending Show to the floor. Jericho is back in to get a couple shoulderblocks of his own, and then a protoplex. YOU CAN'T SEE ME and a five knuckle shuffle connects. Cena picks Jericho in the Attitude Adjustment, but Show is up on the apron with a knockout punch for Cena. Jericho collapses on top of Cena and he gets the pin at 7:12. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho and Show goes for the Colossal Clutch, but here comes DX to make the save. That attempt is ill-fated as HBK is met with a knockout punch from Show, and HHH eats a codebreaker. Jerishow looked about as dominant as any two heels have looked against the top faces on Raw in a long time.
Winner: Chris Jericho (Pins Cena-Knockout Punch **)

-Pretty average show all around. Nothing stood out as particularly good other than the continued build of Orton and Kofi. Nothing stood out as particularly bad other than the god awful "Raw's Got Talent" skit. Ozzy was nothing if not energetic, so no complaints on the guest host front. No teased dissention from DX…at least not yet.