411’s WWE Raw Report 11.30.09

Posted by Rob McNew on 11.30.2009

DX stands tall at the end of Raw, and will face Chris Jericho in a handicap match next week! Elsewhere, Verne Troyer hosted the show, Mark Henry defeated the Miz, Legacy beats down Kofi Kingston while Randy Orton finished him off and more! Check out 411’s WWE Raw report for all the details!



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-Tonight Verne Troyer of Austin Powers fame hosts what is sure to be a fun little edition of Monday Night Raw. Hornswoggle has served D-Generation X with a lawsuit that will be decided in "Little People's Court." Elsewhere Sheamus was named number one contender to John Cena's WWE Title last week and served notice that he won't be a pushover. How will the champion respond? Let's find out.

-Live from 1st Mariner Arena in Baltimore, MD

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Jerishow is out to start the program off with a promo. Jericho says they are here to clear up some misconceptions. Jericho wants to clear up the fallacy that we all believe DX to be the greatest tag team of all time. He says there are going to clear up rumors, and expose DX right now. Jericho says the first fact is that they have been Tag Team Champions for over four months. Jericho says they won the titles in the first night of their existence while DX has been together since 1997 and have never won Tag Team Gold. Show says fact number two is that DX are frauds. He says when it comes to historic wins they can't compare to Jerishow. When they destroy DX at TLC they're merchandise, like DX, will become useless outdated garbage. Show says fact number three is there are 42 championships between them combined. Jericho is the first ever Undisputed World Champion while Show is the only man to hold WWE, WCW, and ECW World Titles. Jericho says they can't be beat, and that becomes even more pronounced in a TLC match. Show says his fist is the most dangerous fist in the business, and even steals a page from Jericho's book calling the fans sycophants. He tells HHH and Shawn that his fist will be the last thing they see before they slip into a deep coma. Jericho says fact four is that they have never been into a TLC match, and they don't know what they're getting into. Finally DX has heard enough, and are out for a retort. HHH says they forgot to list fact number 32, and that is that they are boring us to death. HHH says they keep obsessing about the fact that they've never been tag team champions, but the problem is that even though Jerishow is Tag Team Champions no one gives a crap about them. He says DX makes history, and have been at the forefront of every revolution in this industry for the past 10 years. HBK says in two weeks DX is going to once again make history by being in their first ever TLC match, and also becoming Tag Team Champions for the first time ever. Shawn says there is a little added bonus, and that is that they not only become Tag Team Champions but they run Jericho off of Raw. HHH reminds him that the only reason he's here is because of those belts, and they're going to make sure in two weeks that they don't have to listen to him whine anymore. Jericho points out (accurately in my opinion) that Raw is nothing without him, and if he leaves the ratings will go in the toilet. He says they can gloss over it all they want, but he knows that it drives them crazy that they're not Tag Team Champions. He tells them to face the facts that they are better than them. He says they've teamed for twelve years, but they couldn't accomplish what Jericho and Show accomplished in one night. Jericho says they're better than them, and that's not going to change. HHH lets Jericho know that two weeks can't come fast enough for him, and since he's only got two weeks left on Raw he wants Jericho tonight. Jericho confers with Show, and then accepts the challenge on one condition. Show says if Jericho loses he'll face DX in a handicap match next week, but if Jericho wins its HHH vs. Jerishow. Jericho takes their lack of an answer as a yes, and then tells them he's got four words for them. "I'm never leaving Raw."


Melina & Gail Kim vs. Maryse & Jillian Hall
Josh Mathews catches up with Maryse on her way to the ring where she says there was nothing else to do when someone is holding her Diva's Title. She only provided the Trojan Horse, and Melina was simply the turkey. Melina and Maryse start off, but Maryse tags out quickly and Jillian gets a rollup for two. Melina comes back with a monkeyflip and tags in to Gail who comes of the top rope with a crossbody. Maryse breaks up the count, and Jillian delivers a side slam. Handspring elbow from Jillian gets two, and she follows up with a biel by the hair. Tag to Maryse who trash talks Gail a bit too much, and that earns her a neckbreaker. Gail tags out to Melina who is in with a clothesline and kick to the side of the head. Spear from Melina connects, and Jillian gets met with a clothesline from Gail Kim as they fight to the floor. Melina tries for a sunset flip in the corner, but it is blocked by Maryse. Maryse comes back with a DDT which finishes Melina off at 2:54. Not terrible at all surprisingly.
Winner: Maryse & Jillian Hall (Maryse pins Melina-DDT *1/2)

Sheamus vs. Santino Marella
Sheamus says last week John Cena asked why he should take him seriously. His answer was putting him through a table. He says he doesn't have to pin Cena or make him submit even though he can. He only has to put him through a table, and he's already done it once. When it happens he will be the new WWE Champion, and Cena will take him seriously. Santino comes out as Sheamus's opponent exposing a huge problem. The comedy jobber is far more over than the WWE Title Challenger. Santino says he must be very focused on his big match with John "Cheyna." He says he never mentioned him one time, and says it's obvious that Sheamus is jealous because he has skin pigmentation. Then he says he figured out he's worried Santino is going to take his Lucky Charms. He says maybe he's scared of Santino because he heard of his two Intercontinental Titles. Finally Sheamus has heard enough, and he proceeds to do what Stevie Wonder could have seen coming. A complete and utter annihilation of Santino. He finishes him off before the bell even rings with a jumping big boot and Razors Edge. Then he grabs a table from underneath the ring, and then sets it up in the corner. He proceeds to spear Santino through it. Smattering of boos mixed with complete indifference from the crowd as this push is already hitting mega fail territory.
No Match

-Jerishow runs into Verne Troyer in the back, and Troyer shakes hands with Show but ignores Jericho. Jericho gets all indignant about being disrespected again and storms off. You know I never really noticed how small Troyer actually is. He makes Hornswoggle look like Andre The Giant.

-Verne Troyer is out on a stool on the stage, and he says when he saw his friend Seth Green hosting Raw he thought it would be just really swell to try it for himself. He says when he was at Summerslam he met everyone from WWE and they were all great except for the Miz. That thankfully brings out Miz to save this segment in record time. Miz says he didn't remember seeing Verne at the party, and if he thought he was annoying and inconsiderate at the party he wants to apologize. He says wants to make it up to him, and goes into a really good Austin Powers impression finishing up by saying he'd call him "Mini-Miz." Troyer says he'd imitate Miz, but he's never been in any movies which is funny because they already made Jackass 1 and 2. Miz threatens to use Troyer as a football and kick a field goal, but Mark Henry is out to make the save. Miz calls him the World's Blandest Man, and makes the obligatory Fat Bastard joke. Troyer goes ahead and books Henry vs. Miz for tonight. This was brutal.


Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton
Kofi is on his way to the ring for his match when he is attacked by Cody Rhodes and thrown into the ringsteps. The ref asks him he still wants to go, and he answers in the affirmative so Orton's music hits. Dibiase attacks from behind though with a chop block, and drives Kofi's knee into the apron. The ref again asks Kofi if he can go, and he still wants to wrestle despite the injury. That brings Orton out and the match begins with Orton immediately going to work on the injury. Orton drags Kofi to the apron and drops his knee on the apron which is followed up by wrapping it around the ringpost. Randy continues the assault with a slingshot sending Kofi's throat into the bottom rope. Orton stomps Kofi in the corner, but Kofi tries to fight back out of the corner. Orton has had enough of that though, and hits an RKO out of nowhere to finish at 3:53. More of an angle than a match. Merely a vehicle to continue the feud. After the match Orton puts Kofi on the top rope, and delivers a hangman's DDT.
Winner: Randy Orton (Pinfall-RKO *)

-MVP is playing Smackdown vs. Raw with Verne Troyer, and Jillian stops by to ask permission to sing a song tonight. MVP says he figured out a way to prove Miz wrong, and show that he has a personality. MVP tells Jillian to sing, and then tells Henry to dance. Henry gets down, but ends up losing his balance falling on Jillian crushing her. Verne thinks she's dead, but he shrugs it off and goes back to playing the video game.

-John Cena is out and he is ANGRY. He says last week Sheamus put him through a table to make a statement, but he says Sheamus hasn't won anything yet. He says as the Champion even if Sheamus does beat him he is entitled to a rematch, and if does need that rematch he will use it at TLC. He says tonight we go to war, and tonight it will be Sheamus vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship. That brings out…Carlito?!?! Wow, most random interruption ever. Carlito says he doesn't even know Sheamus, and he doesn't like Sheamus, but he likes what he's represents. He says there is a whole locker room of superstars that hopes Sheamus beats him at TLC. He says its not just Raw, but Smackdown and ECW too. He says they're tired of him. They're tired of John Cena hogging the spotlight. Carlito says Sheamus is going to do to Cena what they all want to do him. Put him through a table, and become the new Champion. Carlito says Cena may represent the people, but Sheamus represents (the wrestlers). He says at TLC Cena's reign as Champion is over. Cena says Carlito picked the wrong guy on the wrong night. He says his mouth is about to back him into a fight he wants no part of. He says if Carlito doesn't like who he is, and doesn't like how he does things he can step up. He tells him if he wants a piece of him to step up. Carlito goes to take a bite out of the apple, but Cena beats him to the punch and delivers an Attitude Adjustment before firing Carlito over the top rope. That brings out Sheamus, and Cena says the same goes for him. He tells him if he wants some to come get some, but Sheamus stops in the aisle and retreats.

-Verne Troyer is out again on his little stool, and he wants to introduce his two good friends MVP and Mark Henry. MVP wants to prepare us for an epic moment. He says Miz says Mark Henry has no personality, and tells us to give it up for Mark Henry who is going to rock the mic. Mark Henry treats us to the worst rap you've ever heard. PN News thinks this is terrible.

Mark Henry vs. The Miz
Miz tries to attack early, but gets shoved off quickly by Henry. He tries to jump up on the back of Henry, but gets thrown off. Henry fires Miz into the corner, and delivers a clothesline. Henry runs into a back elbow, and ends up in a seated position on the mat allowing Miz to deliver a boot to the face. Miz jumps up on the back again with a rear chinlock, but Henry backs him into the corner. Miz is back again with a series of right hands, and a charging corner clothesline. Miz heads up top but gets caught by Henry who delivers a World's Strongest Slam out of nowhere to finish at 1:58. Afterward Mark Henry and Verne Troyer celebrate with the divas.
Winner: Mark Henry (Pinfall-World's Strongest Slam ½*)

-Mark Cuban is your guest host next week.

-HHH says he had the weirdest dream that a little man handed them a piece of paper that said they had to go to Little People's Court. HBK said he had the same dream. Hornswoggle shows up and grunts, but now he has subtitles! "Gentlemen, you've ignored my plea for legal discourse & have left me little choice but to seek further prosecution. I am terribly disappointed." HBK and HHH both inform him he's got nothing, and leaves. Verne Troyer rolls up on his cart and tells Swoggle to sue them for everything they got. So that was the payoff to Little People's Court. Could have been worse I suppose.

Chris Jericho vs. Triple H (w. Shawn Michaels)
Shawn joins the commentary team for this one. Jericho bails to the floor right off the bat, but HHH chases him outside and fires him back in. Big Show joins us, and the distraction allows Jericho to hit a springboard dropkick sending HHH crashing back to the floor as we head to break. We're back with Jericho pounding HHH in the corner, and Big Show now joining HBK on commentary. HHH turns the table in the corner, but Jericho quickly turns things back around firing HHH over the top to the floor. Jericho goes outside and fires HHH into the ringsteps and throws him back inside. Jericho hits a knee lift, and delivers a dropkick for a one count. Jericho locks in a half nelson chinlock, and hits the ropes running into a high knee from HHH. HHH connects with a facebuster for two, and whips Jericho into the corner. HHH charges into a boot, and Jericho goes for the Walls only to be kicked off by HHH. Jericho comes back with an enzaguri for two, and hits a running bulldog. Jericho goes for the Lionsault but ends up hitting the knees of HHH. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Jericho counters into a jackknife rollup for two. HHH delivers a clothesline to Jericho picking up a two count, and again goes for the Pedigree. Jericho counters into a DDT for two, but hits the ropes running into a spinebuster from HHH for two. Show stands up to get a closer look, and Shawn tries to talk him into staying out of things. Show fires HBK into the ring apron, and then delivers a knockout punch to HHH behind the ref's back. The ref goes ahead and ejects Big Show, but while that is going on Shawn comes in and delivers Sweet Chin Music to Jericho putting both men out. The ref also ejects HBK, and then comes back to start the count on both guys. Both men are up at nine, and Jericho goes for the codebreaker. HHH counters into a Pedigree attempt, but Jericho counters that with the Walls of Jericho. HHH kicks him off and then get a rollup which picks up the win at 11:13. Pretty good match that sets up a DX-Jericho handicap match next week. Shawn grabs the mic and says next week is Jericho's last night on Raw, and if he's not down with that he's got two words for him…
Winner: Triple H (Pinfall-Rollup ***)

-Pretty terrible show all around this week. Virtually no wrestling at all until the main event. Troyer was god awful as a guest host. Sheamus was booked to look like a coward after being called out by Cena. Decent main event aside this was easily one of the worst Raw's in recent memory.